Am I overthinking everything?

[gottabeme]

Hi all...

Let me first say that I am 25, employed with a job I like, and I have great family and friends. I have also been known to overthink everything when it comes to relationships.

Several months ago I broke up with a boyfriend but have since moved on. I have dated several guys and had fun but nothing has really clicked. Recently, I have been questioning my sexuality and have been curious what life would be like as a lesbian. It has been on my mind so much that it has been causing me anxiety and a loss of appetite. What does this all mean? Am I just curious or is my body trying to tell me something? The thing I don't understand is that I have always been interested in guys, had crushes on guys. I have thought other girls are pretty and have been jealous of other girls but it never turned into that "crush" feeling...or butterflies. I work with many women and don't see many guys unless I go out on the weekends. Also, when I see women who are most likely lesbians I wonder what their life is like. I have started to read about this online and the more I read, the more I think.

I have always pictured my life as traditional....having a husband and several children. Now I fear that I am a lesbian and don't understand where all of this is coming from. Is this just a phase of getting to know myself?

Any insight? I'm so confused!!

[ScottyTheBody]

Hi all...

Let me first say that I am 25, employed with a job I like, and I have great family and friends. I have also been known to overthink everything when it comes to relationships.

Several months ago I broke up with a boyfriend but have since moved on. I have dated several guys and had fun but nothing has really clicked. Recently, I have been questioning my sexuality and have been curious what life would be like as a lesbian. It has been on my mind so much that it has been causing me anxiety and a loss of appetite. What does this all mean? Am I just curious or is my body trying to tell me something? The thing I don't understand is that I have always been interested in guys, had crushes on guys. I have thought other girls are pretty and have been jealous of other girls but it never turned into that "crush" feeling...or butterflies. I work with many women and don't see many guys unless I go out on the weekends. Also, when I see women who are most likely lesbians I wonder what their life is like. I have started to read about this online and the more I read, the more I think.

I have always pictured my life as traditional....having a husband and several children. Now I fear that I am a lesbian and don't understand where all of this is coming from. Is this just a phase of getting to know myself?

Any insight? I'm so confused!!

Firstly I'd like to say there is nothing wrong with being a lesbian so you shouldn't be afraid if you are one.

Having said that though its probably just a phase. You said you have no butterfly feelings or crush feelings for girls, implying you have no sexual attraction for females. If you were a lesbian, you would have sexual attraction for females.

Your probably just going through a dry spot with guys, or your not ready yet or it could be a multitude of reasons.

[Lexipoo]

Maybe you should try to have a sexual encounter with a woman to test yourself. I mean, being a pseudo-lesbian is like trendy these with high school and college girls. Like I said, try to set up some type of sexual encounter with a woman, and I'm sure you'll have some better insight into your sexuality.

[Adam Strange]

I've never hard to question my sexual orientation so I can’t speak authoritatively on this, but I think if you were honestly a lesbian you would feel some noticeable attraction to other women. I don’t think your true sexuality can be uncovered by fear; fear that you’re not clicking with the men you’ve been seeing, fear that the traditional husband-and-children lifestyle isn't for you.

That said, there’s nothing wrong with being a lesbian, nothing wrong with questioning your sexual orientation and, thus, nothing wrong with some lesbian experimentation (I hate that term, it sounds so clinical).

[wordsmith]

My understanding of sexual orientation is that you "just know"...there's little room for question. But maybe I just say that because it's the case with me.

[Kitty]

My understanding of sexual orientation is that you "just know"...there's little room for question. But maybe I just say that because it's the case with me.

I think there's actually a lot of room for question - especially if you are in fact gay or a lesbian. Because our society is heterosexually dominant, it's easy to just assimilate to that becuase you may not be exposed to anything else. I have a lot of gay friends who went through a major questioning phase and were completely sexually confused for years.

[spokes]

i would say that you may eventually have to try it to see it that type of relationship is for you - I might suggest that if you decide to start meeting other women that you should be upfront that it is all new for you and you are exploring just so they can take that into consideration if there is a mutual interest in exploring a relationship (i.e. you don't want to be somebody's Anne Heche)

[suneel2416]

hi,
i tink that you are justafraid of being honest to yourself..and morever you are upset the way you were you have been with several guys.and all the excitement which a normal girl have is over for you..you dont find anything exciting more nowadays.

one thing i would suggest that you get indulged in to hobbies and some creative work..
suneel




Hi all...

Let me first say that I am 25, employed with a job I like, and I have great family and friends. I have also been known to overthink everything when it comes to relationships.

Several months ago I broke up with a boyfriend but have since moved on. I have dated several guys and had fun but nothing has really clicked. Recently, I have been questioning my sexuality and have been curious what life would be like as a lesbian. It has been on my mind so much that it has been causing me anxiety and a loss of appetite. What does this all mean? Am I just curious or is my body trying to tell me something? The thing I don't understand is that I have always been interested in guys, had crushes on guys. I have thought other girls are pretty and have been jealous of other girls but it never turned into that "crush" feeling...or butterflies. I work with many women and don't see many guys unless I go out on the weekends. Also, when I see women who are most likely lesbians I wonder what their life is like. I have started to read about this online and the more I read, the more I think.

I have always pictured my life as traditional....having a husband and several children. Now I fear that I am a lesbian and don't understand where all of this is coming from. Is this just a phase of getting to know myself?

Any insight? I'm so confused!!

[Cole]

I've gone through something similar a few times - especially after hard breakups and long dry spells. And once I had a crush on a girl.

So, I sat down to firgure it out, and tried to seriously think about what it would be like to be with a woman sexually. I could definitely do the kissing. But I realized that I wouldn't want to do anything else. Not only did it not turn me on, it grossed me out.

So I figured I'm probably pretty straight.

If you are lesbian, or bi, it's okay. Actually it turns out that ALL of my childhood and high school best friends have turned out to be gay. (another reason I was questioning for awhile.) It's nothing to be afraid of. But it may well be a case of being frustrated or hurt by men and considering other options.

You can always go out and give it a whirl to see what happens. But chances are you know deep down; just get quiet and don't overthink (hard to do, I know) and I'd bet you'll find your answer.

[wordsmith]

I have a lot of gay friends who went through a major questioning phase and were completely sexually confused for years.

See, that's valid, but in my experience, all my gay friends say they ALWAYS knew. The took a long time to come to grips with telling loved ones about it, but they always knew, themselves, according to them. No confusion about what they liked, wanted, or were attracted to. Confusion over how to come to terms with that with their friends, family, the world, etc., for sure, but never confusion about what they themselves felt. I guess I'm going off that, and why I can't imagine it being something you don't just know. But I'm super intuitive, and feel things in my gut very strongly, too, and I guess not everyone is that way.

[Jedi of Zen]

I've always suspected that it's probably a little bit easier, generally speaking, for women to be a bit more "flexible" in their sexual orientation and experimentations than it is for men.

[wordsmith]

How so? I'm not arguing or agreeing, just wondering why it seems that way.