I'm told I don't have a life ...

[Umbra]

My dad says I need to get a life. This always confuses me. I have a life; it's just one he doesn't approve of. Or that's how I look at it. It really annoys me when he lectures me about it, but I've learned to just shake it off. Okay, so let's see if I qualify for a life. I have a BA, no debt, three types of savings accounts, I freelance for work(he thinks I should do full-time), I've been to fifteen states and two countries, and I have lots of hobbies.

No girlfriend and I don't date. But I don't want to get married and do the kid thing. Is that so wrong? I have a few friends, but I'm mostly a loner. I live with my dad at the moment(two years), but that's because I was helping out with my mom. She had liver disease, and I would drive her from the house to the hospital for her tests(she had a transplant). Sadly, she was in the hospital for about a year before she finally passed away. It was hard on everyone.

Her death was really hard on my dad, so I tried to help out as much as I could. He's been crying a lot lately, and taking sleeping pills(he can't sleep without them). I guess this is another topic, though. So what do you think, do I have an okay life?

[wordsmith]

It sounds like your dad is projecting his own sadnesses onto you (as an aside, I hope he is getting help, or at least open to getting help, for dealing with his grief, etc.). He is probably coming at it out of concern...but that doesn't mean he's got a really clear perspective right now on whether or not you are actually happy.

If YOU think you have an okay life, that's what matters.

[Umbra]

It sounds like your dad is projecting his own sadnesses onto you (as an aside, I hope he is getting help, or at least open to getting help, for dealing with his grief, etc.). He is probably coming at it out of concern...but that doesn't mean he's got a really clear perspective right now on whether or not you are actually happy.

If YOU think you have an okay life, that's what matters.


I doubt he would get help. He has a lot of pride. The hospital offered therapy after she died, but he turned it down.

[wordsmith]

Most people (esp. men) don't WANT grief counseling. We like to think we can triumph over trauma totally by ourselves. But he'll have to find some positive way of working through what he's going through. That doesn't have to mean on somebody's couch, either. Does he talk to YOU?

[winneythepooh7]

Like Jess said, therapy doesn't have to be lying on someone's couch. There are grief and loss groups available. Also, just getting him involved in outside activities so he is not so isolated is much recommended. Does he belong to a church or any other groups? I know it's hard as well, but try not to take what he is saying to heart. It does sound like he is projecting his anger and grief onto you. YOU can also try attending groups and such for someone who lost a parent. Maybe there you could learn good strategies to deal with your dad.

[Umbra]

Most people (esp. men) don't WANT grief counseling. We like to think we can triumph over trauma totally by ourselves. But he'll have to find some positive way of working through what he's going through. That doesn't have to mean on somebody's couch, either. Does he talk to YOU?


Sometimes, he talks to me.

[dengeist]

Meh, it sounds like your life is fine. It does seem like he's projecting though, but on the same token it sounds like he wants you to have what he had, which is a loving wife. So he's kind of focusing on you instead of him. I wouldn't go so far as to say you don't have a life. It might help for you to sit down and talk to him during a playoff game or something and kind of bond. Tell him why you feel like you don't need a girlfriend right now, but let him know it's ok for him to have one too. He's definitely going to tell you you NEED one because it's the fatherly thing to do. Conceed, tell him you will find a girlfriend, but maybe it's time for him to be a little more social too. Remember, what goes for you goes for him too.

Bond with him some. You might have to initiate.

[kevin0tech]

Sounds like your dad is having a tough time, and taking his sadness out on you is probably a manifestation of that. It could also be that he wants to motivate you to enjoy life because life is fragile, and you have to seekout happiness while you are still young. Happiness comes in short awkward spasms.

I suggest you get your dad out of the house. If he needs sleeping pills to go to bed at night, it is because he can't get his mind off the loss. Get him out of the house for the day. If he is able, take him to a park and toss a football/frisbie around. Take him for a walk, hike, bike ride. Make him direct those bad feelings into physical activity. He won't do these things on his own, and if noone helps him, he most likely won't help himself.

[mozart25]

dont feel bad, ive just been told i have nooo life by someone cuz i dont have a lot of friends and am not in a relationship.

[Raquel]

I think your dad said that to you because he wants to see you happy with a fulfilling life. I'm sure your dad is sad and angry that your mother passed away. Sometimes when people close to us die sometimes people take a look at their own life and those of your loved ones. I think that it is hard to lose someone so close to us. Sometimes it's hard for people to express what they're truly feeling so sometimes they come to us with something that might be insulting, especially if you say that your dad has a lot of pride. So while he says to you go and get a life he probably has a hard time expressing that he wants to see your life happy and fulfilled. What you feel about your own life as probably something that he doesn't see because he lost something that was a big part of his life. So when he tells you to get a life. He wants you to be happy.

[davedavedave]

Are you happy? If so, then yes, you have a life.... IF you aren't happy, and aren't doing anything about it, you have no life (technically). Loners are cool too... But only loners that enjoy it.. (thinkers fall in this category)...
As a suggestion, if ppl you know do offer to take you out, it will help you to deal with whatever stress at home you have... It seems like you're sort of surrounded at home, and going out every now and then would help you get away and not get totally "convinced" of what your dad says..

My dad says I need to get a life. This always confuses me. I have a life; it's just one he doesn't approve of. Or that's how I look at it. It really annoys me when he lectures me about it, but I've learned to just shake it off. Okay, so let's see if I qualify for a life. I have a BA, no debt, three types of savings accounts, I freelance for work(he thinks I should do full-time), I've been to fifteen states and two countries, and I have lots of hobbies.

No girlfriend and I don't date. But I don't want to get married and do the kid thing. Is that so wrong? I have a few friends, but I'm mostly a loner. I live with my dad at the moment(two years), but that's because I was helping out with my mom. She had liver disease, and I would drive her from the house to the hospital for her tests(she had a transplant). Sadly, she was in the hospital for about a year before she finally passed away. It was hard on everyone.

Her death was really hard on my dad, so I tried to help out as much as I could. He's been crying a lot lately, and taking sleeping pills(he can't sleep without them). I guess this is another topic, though. So what do you think, do I have an okay life?