How to have a good conversation on a date?

[shygirl507]

Ok, I know I may be getting annoying to some of you but I really like the advice I get. How do you have a good conversation on a first date or any date for that matter. I'm pretty good in the beginning but what questions are ok to ask and what questions shouldn't you ask? Should you play 20 questions and ask about their favorite hobbies, or the scarieste thing that ever happened to them or stuff like that. I just need advice on what topics to talk about and what topics to stay away from. This is someone I see a couple times a week and we talk about gym things but when it's one on one what things should you ask to really get to know somone.

Thanks in advance.

[wordsmith]

Don't interview somebody. Just relax and let it flow. If it's not flowing, it may just be a matter of incompatibility...you just may not find one another that interesting. But you can't force it. When there's an ease in the flow of conversation, you know it.

[and1grad]

American Idol? :razz:

Maybe stay away from politics unless you know their stance and agree.

Dumb stuff: Celebrities? Board games? Favorite candy? Lost?
Sports: The playoffs? Steroids in baseball?

I dunno..there's only like a billion things to talk about. But I'm random so this kinda thing is easy for me.

[Kitty]

Don't think about it too much...hopefully you'll get a chatty date.

[wordsmith]

I tend to feel like if it's not flowing pretty easily, we just aren't clicking. But you can't get nervous. That throws the whole dynamic off. You just have to relax and go with it.

[dengeist]

Well, it depends on the person you're dating really. I know for a fact, some people don't like to be asked a lot of questions, which could be a bad sign because they're probably hiding something. Some people, you just need to get the ball rolling and they'll just go......FOREVER. Most people are somewhere in between and it's something you just have to practice doing to get good at.

But the key, I've learned is listening (a dying art). I was raised to listen to people because you can always tell their intentions or what they're about by what they're saying. Kind of make a mental checklist of what they're talking about. That way, when the conversation starts to run dry you can go back to something they said. People tend to go on tangents when they talk, which should be something you hear actually leads to another opening.

I don't mean to make it sound so calculating, but it's really simple. Let me give you a couple of examples:

You: Ahhh, Yankees hat, are you a fan?
Him (A): Dude! I went to the game last night....blah blah blah for 20 minutes. Somewhere in there he talks about his friend Mike or something.
Him (dead end): It's just a hat.

You (A): Mike seems really cool. How'd you guys meet?
Him (A): Me and Mike met at college, he was....Blah blah Blah for 15 minutes. Somewhere in there he talks about his dad. He'll probably ask you something at this point, so give as much detail as possible so that he can have an opening for something else.

You (Deadend): So, you were a Marine, what was that like? Could you kill me with your pinky?
Him (dead end): Yeah, I probably could kill you with my pinky.

Conversation A: It's good, it's a mutual exchange. Which is what a conversation is.
Dead end conversation: It's not good, because he's not holding up his end. Sometimes it's not you that can't have a good conversation, it could be the other person too, for various reasons.

[wordsmith]

But the key, I've learned is listening (a dying art). I was raised to listen to people because you can always tell their intentions or what they're about by what they're saying. Kind of make a mental checklist of what they're talking about. That way, when the conversation starts to run dry you can go back to something they said. People tend to go on tangents when they talk, which should be something you hear actually leads to another opening.

Absolutely...being a good listener provides you with LOTS of jumping off points.

This is also a skill I learned as a reporter. You tend to do far better reporting the LESS you talk and the more you listen.

[and1grad]

I had to laugh cuz there's a poster named Dead End and he's yapyapyapyapyapyap..... :razz:

[wordsmith]

As long as we're paying homage to QLC posters...I know skyblade will back me up on this one...if you run out of things to talk about, "There's always tigers!!!"

[shygirl507]

Yeah, I guess you are all right. I'm can normally be chatty when you get me started I just wasn't sure what is a good topic to talk about. I mean I know the basics about this guy already and him being my trainer it's hard to just talk about something else when we are in trainer/client mode but we are getting to the point where he's inviting me places that don't involve the gym and I don't always want to start the conversation with the gym being the topic. We've talked about college and what we went to school for and looking for a house and stuff like that but it's while I'm on the treadmill. Would it be weird to just come out during a pause in the conversation and say "So, tell me something I don't know about you?" to get another conversation rolling. I know, I know I think to much and get myself all worked up over nothing. I know I would be completely comfortable talking with him I just want some ideas incase I'm ever in one of those moments where it pauses.

[HereComes30]

Don't interview somebody

I have felt like I was doing this on some dates...mostly just trying to get to know someone...how else do you do it without asking questions?

I tend to be the quiet person that takes a little while to warm up as well...so I am not going to dive into conversation easily. I guess we all have areas to work on, huh?

[Cole]

1) Stay away from politics and religion, unless you know that you have similar views. At least for the first couple of dates; it has to come up eventually but not right away.

2) DON'T talk about past dates, relationships, etc. If you have to tell a story that involves an ex, refer to him or her as "a friend of mine"

3) Ask them questions - people like to talk about themselves. Don't interview them, like words said, but ask them about themselves. Here's the difference: intervieweing someone is questions like "how many siblings do you have?" "So what's your favorite restaurant?" asking people about themselves is along the lines of "so how did you get into playing trombone?" or "what interests you in (insert activity they do here)?" other questions that can lead to more conversation. that and it makes you look genuinely interested in what they enjoy doing (which hopefully you are anyway.)

4) On a first date, I often try to think of something funny or interesting that has happened to me recently, so if there's really a lull, I can tell a good story.

5) be yourself. One conversation flub isn't going to ruin your chances. ;)