Out of the mouth's of "babes"

[winneythepooh7]

So I was on the train coming into work this morning, sitting next to a mother and her little boy. The train was really quiet, and really packed. We pull into Penn Station and the little kid goes to his mother "Mom, you smell like dirty octopus". Then he starts yelling really loudly and laughing "no you smell like a really dirty fish". EVERYONE was staring, I would have died if that was me.

SO what are some funny things you have heard kids say?

[Winter Storm]

A former manager of mine told me this story. Her daughter at the time was 2 years old and she had already taught her about her own body parts, the female anatomy. Well, one day, they were at the grocery store shopping when the little girl blurted out "Mommy, this shopping cart is hurting my vagina!", where lot's of shoppers overheard her.

But I thought kudos to her for teaching her kid the right words. :)

[winneythepooh7]

I thought kudos to this mother for keeping her cool in such an embarassing situation!!!

[spokes]

a few yrs back I took my nephew swimming and as we wee changing he started to comment on the size of my unit..........everything was fine until the next time I went to my sisters place for dinner and he got talking about going swimming - he then preceed to tell everyone about his observation......as I look back it was funny..............

[biodork]

Oh I have a good one. The first time my bf and I took a trip out to CA to visit his sister, we made a trip out to see the elephant seals. His sister invited a bunch of people to go, which was cool. One couple brought their young son, who was like 5 years old. The guide who walked us through the beach area was explaining some things about the elephant seals, and she said that the young are called "wieners." Well, it got sorta quiet for a little bit after that and then you hear "WIENER! WIENER! WIENER! WIENER!" really loud, and it was that couple's son. It was so funny, afterwards everyone was like "he was just saying what we were all thinking, but he's a kid so he can get away with it."

LOL

[wordsmith]

I was at a local clothing store with my mom and brothers, when I was in kindergarten. It was winter, and we were trying on stocking caps from a display. This was in the pre-Wal-Mart years, when you got personal attention from the ladies in the local clothing stores, none of which even really exist anymore. The ladies were fussing over my brothers, who were adorable 3 year old blonde twins. One must have felt like I was getting ignored, so she said, "Oh, this must be big sister...do you help your mom out lots? Oh, you have such long, pretty hair" (my hair was butt length and always getting commented on). I was precocious, and evidently piped right up that "My name is [wordsmith] and I'm 5 years old, and I HAVE HEADLICE." The ladies instantly turned icy cold, snatched up all the hats from the display, and rushed us out of the store. My mom turned to me and said, "Why would you say that?? You don't have headlice! How do you even know what headlice ARE?" As it turned out, the school nurse was "checking for headlice" in school that day, DIDN'T explain it at all to kindergarteners, so I thought IT WAS SOMETHING YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE. Like, "checking to make sure everybody has their headlice." I wasn't about to be left out, and not have something if you were supposed to have it!

Also at that age... I guess I explained in great, deeply educational detail to the supermarket bag boy why my mom needed the maxi pads he was putting in a bag. Evidently, my mom and I had had a talk, and I wanted to share my newfound knowledge.

[blueyes]

1. I was two-and-half (or so) and my parents were closing our new house while my dad was out of town. My mom had handed the phone to me so I could talk to my dad. He'd been out of town all week and some of the week prior, so I hadn't seen him but was apparently handling it pretty well. I'm standing in the kitchen in my footie pajamas, chatting him up on the phone, when I said, "It's been good talking to you, Daddy. I'll see you in a couple of years" and hung up. He was devastated!

2. My middle sister was born when I was four, and when my parents called to say I had a new little sister, I replied "Thank you!"...and hung up the phone.

3. When my middle sister was two and I was six, we were all sitting at the dinner table at home when I turned to my parents and said "Remember when it was just the three of us? I liked that better."

[Winter Storm]

Ha ha Blueyes! Words has headlice!

* I remember when I was 5, we were getting rid of things around the house. My cousin was over and began taking down the 1983 calendar we had on the wall. I told her I wanted to keep it. She asked me why. I said 'for when 1983 comes back around'. See I thought just how the days of the weeks and months come back around, I assumed the years did too. I'm still waiting for 1983 to come back. :frustrate

* Like Blueyes, I also had phone issues. I was probably about 5 or 6 when my parents decided it was alright for me to start answering the phone. So somebody called for my mother and I answered while my sister watched. Since my mother was in the bathroom I told them 'she's on the on the toilet right now'. My sister fell on the floor laughing. I was then told not to tell people exactly what Mommy was doing. :0

[wordsmith]

Ha ha Blueyes! Words has headlice!

You're not cool unless you have headlice. :cool:

[lonestar]

I have a terrible one...I was very young...maybe a year after learning how to talk. I was sitting in the front seat of the supermarket shopping cart while my mother peruised produce. There I am kicking my baby fat lamby legs and with two fingers jammed into my drooling mouth (as it has been told to me), when a rather plump woman approaches and starts doing the what-a-cute-baby routine. I extract the fingers and say to her, clear as day (as it has been told to me) "Why are you so fat?" (slowly, pausing after each word) upon which the plump woman replies "I'm fat but jolly" while my mother apoligizes profusely, grabs me out the cart and makes a bee-line for the exit.

About four years later, my younger brother did the same thing (I was probably six and my brother Vincenzo was 4). I was awarded a free Pizza Hut pizza through the Book It! reading club. My father was out of town so my uncle and my mother took Vincenzo and I to the local Hut. In the restaurant was a retarded man who was "tarding out" (? not sure how to describe it). My brother, not understanding the situation, thought the man was being funny so he starts imitating him (rather loudly). My uncle grabs my brother BY THE HAIR and quickly escorts him out of the Hut. My mother and I followed. I am not sure if I ever claimed that Book It! pizza.

[coll214]

LOL, lonestar i remember that program, I used to get pizza all the time!

As for me a few years ago around Christmastime, my mother asked me to pick up a ham at this specialty meat store on my lunch hour... I was there with a lot of women and their children. Needless to say i'm standing in line minding my own business and all of this sudden this little toddler throws his arms around my legs and proclaims MOMMY. Talk about scaring me, I don't remember having a 3 year old :huge:. lol.

When my mother first brought my sister home from the hospital, I was two, and anytime she'd start crying apparently I'd sigh and just repeat over and over again that "the baby is whiny. why is the baby whiny?" :rolleyes:

[lonestar]

I spent about two years as a child trying to figure out the singular form of the word "clothes". I didn't understand the idea of an "article of clothing" or "piece of clothing", and because "clothes" sounds like "close" I fingured the singular was "clo".

[steph78]

When I was about five my parents had been explaining to me about how it's not nice to brag about stuff and how it was more polite to be modest about stuff. Not long after that one of my dad's coworkers and his wife came over for dinner, and my mom went all out cooking this really fancy meal for them (which was really very good). The guy and his wife kept complimenting her on how wonderful the food was...so little five-year-old me, thinking I would show our company what good manners I have, tried to be modest FOR my mom - I just busted out with "well, it's not really THAT good!" :redface: My poor mom - I really had the best of intentions and didn't think until afterwards (when everyone was staring at me) how bad what I said sounded...

[wordsmith]

Book It! still exists and is still affiliated with Pizza Hut.

[dengeist]

I'm going to stay out of this one because, I've heard ALOT of interesting things over the years teaching.

[embrassezla]

hehe, my little cousin is about 5. he is being raised primarily by my grandmother and great aunt (read: two old ladies), so needless to say, he says some strange things sometimes. he often hears my grandma & aunt talking about him ("He did <this> today", "He ate <that>"), and he somehow extended that to where he will be talking about himself, but say "he" instead of "I", or "him" instead of "me". a memorable conversation i had with him:

me: "what did you do today"
him: "went to the mall"
me: "did you fall down at the mall?"
him: "yeah"
me: "did it hurt?"
him: "yeah. he cried."

[old_school_soul]

In my younger days I thought I was older than Jesus because my birthday is 3 days before Christmas.

[meatwad]

When I was around 3 or 4 my mom was giving me a piggy back ride. My dad walked in the room and I said, "Dad, look! I'm riding a pig!" I couldn't figure out at the time why my dad thought that was so damn funny.

[Airwaverider]

My nephew, who's 4, has just had headlice, and for being so patient with the uncomfortable process of getting rid of the buggers, his mum told him that he could finally have that Toy Story 'Woody' doll....So during a session of my brother combing through my nephew's hair, he winces and says "oh I can't wait to get a big Woody"

Classic.

[Winter Storm]

So during a session of my brother combing through my nephew's hair, he winces and says "oh I can't wait to get a big Woody"

Classic.

That is cute :)

[wordsmith]

See? Headlice inspire the best stories.

[allie1105]

You know when you go to an amusement park, and you have to walk through those gates that spin in order for the park to count how many people went on the ride? (I know there is an name for them, and I can't think of it right now). Anyway, my mom used to be a little overweight when I was younger due to a thyroid problem, and she was pretty self conscious. We were getting ready to go through the gate to get on a ride, and I remember saying to my dad "But Dad, how is Mommy going to fit through that?" I was pretty young and my mom took it pretty well, but I can still remember how upset she looked. I still feel badly about it to this day!

[wordsmith]

Turnstiles. :) Your poor mom. :redface:

[allie1105]

Ah. That's the word. It has been way too long since I have been to an amusement part! She took it like a champ, though.

[tina1979]

A couple weeks after my sister brought her second son home from the hospital, he apparently had a couple of pretty rough nights. He'd been crying alot. Her oldest son told her that he wanted her to take him back to the hospital where he came from because he was too loud. He was a little over a month shy of turning 3

[steph78]

A couple weeks after my sister brought her second son home from the hospital, he apparently had a couple of pretty rough nights. He'd been crying alot. Her oldest son told her that he wanted her to take him back to the hospital where he came from because he was too loud. He was a little over a month shy of turning 3
I told my parents the exact same thing about three days after my brother came home from the hospital...I was 4.

[EggGirl]

My mom became pregnant when I was 3, and since I stayed home with mom during the day while dad worked and we didn't have a sitter, I often had to come with mom to the doctor appointments. I don't remember this, but right around the time of her pregnancy our dog, Tiger, had a dozen puppies. So when were at the OBGYN for my mom's check up the doctor asked me what I wanted my mom to have, meaning a boy or a girl. But since I had Tiger's babies in mind, I said, "12 puppies" and smiled proudly. My mom was mortified because the doctor looked at her as if to say, "What have you been teaching her?"

[astronaut83]

the school nurse was "checking for headlice" in school that day, DIDN'T explain it at all to kindergarteners, so I thought IT WAS SOMETHING YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE.
They didn't explain headlice to us either. As a kindergarten ESL student, I was wondering: What's so harmful about head lights?

When my brother was three or four, one of my girl cousins was born. He asked my aunt where she came from. She told him that she went to Jewel (a grocery store) and they had many beautiful babies to pick from. He responded by saying, "Then why did you pick this ugly one?" She didn't say anything.

[GreenFolder]

These are great!
I wish between stories of my brother (twin) and I that I could remember something like that.

I guess my family hasn't gotten around to trading baby stories yet. I'm sure it wil come eventually..and I don't want to be there for it.

Some funny funny stuff though. I can see myself saying lots of this stuff when I was little!

[allie1105]

My husband is one of 10 brothers and sisters, and this thread has amused me so much today that I had to go home and ask him if he could add to it. Here are a few good ones:

1. When he was still young enough to be in a high chair, he was at Pizza Hut with his family. He stood up in his high chair and yelled, "I gotta take a crap!"

2. One of his younger brothers tried to curl one of his younger sister's hair with a battery drill.

There are many more stories that come along with his family, due to its size!

[Airwaverider]

Another one from my cool headlice nephew, "I can't walk anymore, my legs are all puffed out"

This was after a huge play at the park over the weekend....

[Deavan]

I told my parents the exact same thing about three days after my brother came home from the hospital...I was 4.


lol I have an older brother who is 2 years older then my twin sis and myself. When we were born my sister was born at a healthy 5 LBS for a preemie twin so she went home within 2 weeks of being born, and I was only at 2 LBS and had to have lots of bypass surgery so I chilled out at the hospital for 3 or 4 months. So my parents finally got to bring me home and my then 2 year old brother greets my parents with a tantrum, he apparently stamped both his feet and shrieked "NOT ANOTHER ONE!"

[Airwaverider]

I just remembered another one....

During the summer, I was driving my nephew home in my car which had no aircon, and it was a stinking hot day and he looked really hot and bothered... anyway, at the lights, he then said, "Aunty Pippy, Im so hot, even my bottom is all sweaty and juicy"....haha

[Trillian42]

Appearantly when I was five years old, and people would ask me how old I was, I proudly hold up five fingers and declare "I'm a handful!"

[Kitty]

When I was around 6 I got a fish and I named it "boner"... :eek:

[embrassezla]

When I was around 6 I got a fish and I named it "boner"... :eek:
WINNER



asadsa

[Cole]

I was in karate as a kid, and they taught us to pull our toes back so that when we kicked we would hit the target with the ball of the foot so as to not break our toes. At dinner one night my mom was having my brother and I tell dad about what we learned at karate. When she asked me what part of the foot you're supposed to kick with, I had no idea why he laughed so hard that he cried when I said "your balls!"

In second grade - before I knew about swear words - a kid turned to me at the coat rack one day with a pencil under his arm and, imitating a machine gun cried "Die Sucker!" so I imitated him and responded with "fly f*cker!" All the kids in the hall started saying "ummm mum mummmm" and I had to go home to ask my mom what "f*cker" meant.

When babysitters would come over I would introduce myself and proudly announce "my mom says I'll talk your ear off!"

Once my granddad (who I didn't see often) called and was joking around, when I answered he said "hello little girl, can you come out and play?" to which I responded "NO and stop calling here you creep!" and slammed the phone down. How was I supposed to know it was my granddad?

[rsp319]

I have a funny story. Some friends of mine and I were on vacation in Maine. We went on a 2 hour kayak trip. We had to take a bus to the site and then walk out to the kayak dock. As we were walking, there were some cows or something I can't remember "doing their thing" and this little boy says to his dad, Daddy the one is giving the other a piggy back ride. We all said to the dad, I think "the talk" is coming sooner than you would like.

[workaholic?]

my 4-year-old niece Emma is a riot...here are a few of her most memorable moments:

I think this was almost a year ago, so she was about 3 and a half. My sister doesn't really realize that our little Emma listens to every word she says, so Emma had picked up quite a little attitude for a 3-year-old. When my sister (her mom) was asking her one day to go throw away a juice pack that she had finished, she refused. She kept saying no and just flat not doing it. So then my mom asked her do it, and Emma turned around, smiled, and in the most polite voice said, "I damn sure will." Spiteful little booger...it made my sister so mad.

Another time, when Emma was about 3, she had to have the tubes in her ears replaced, so they had given her the funny juice to knock her out. When the nurse was getting ready to take her into the operating room, emma was pretty out of it and told the nurse "you're an asshole." Of course, my sister reprimanded her for it, to which emma replied with a laugh, "Mommy, you're an asshole, too." I still laugh thinking about that one.

Now, for Emma's sweeter, cuter side...the first time she met my boyfriend Michael, she just about fell in love because he played with her outside and she was amazed at his abilities. We were on our way to get in the car to go eat, when her ball rolled out in the street and she panicked. Michael walked out and got it for her, and when we got in the car, she said, "Michael, you're a super hero!"

[RealChic1999]

I'd much rather hear the cute above-mentioned stories of kids that don't know any better than hear the kids on the streets that sound like miniature grown men with the way they talk nowadays.

I miss the age of innocence.

[bleepbloop]

I just had to leave my cube because I started laughing so hard from reading all of these... My goddaughter Jade just turned three and she's such a wiseass; everytime I go to leave her house she says "HOLLLAAAAAAAAAAA" instead of just "bye".

[weary]

i just read through this thread and was ROTFLMAO!!! here's a couple from my childhood, and also from my son...

1 -
when i was about 7 or so all the boys in my class were heavy into dinosaurs for whatever reason. i just remember a bunch of brontosaurus, tyranosaurus, etc. well, my mom has a very superficial relationship w/ one of my unlces (she doesn't really like him, but tries to be nice and 'tolerate' him). he was over our house one evening for dinner w/ a few other family members who know the deal and somehow they got to talking about the nicknames they were called as children. i didn't want to be left out of the convo so i chimed in, "mami calls tio [the one she doesn like] ignoramous! he's a dinosaur!"

2 -
my aunt brought home my cousin around the same time my mother had just bought a new car. i had gone on all the car shopping excursions with her and was there for the purchase. after hearing my mom & aunt talk at length about my cousin's horrible colic and how miserable my aunt was, i tried to offer her this consolation, "tia, did you know you can trade her in for a better model?"

3 -
if you've ever spent a significant amount of time around a toddler that is going through potty-training, you know that they tend to shed their diaper or underwear, or put their hands down their pants at any given time. well, when we were potty training my son he did this a lot and it was so embarassing. one time we were in the store and i tried to whisper to him quietly, "[weary son], take your hand out of your butt". he responded rather loudly in the middle of the produce section, "but my butt's bothering me! " and proceeded to pull off his pants!!! :eek:

[framedcrookedly]

i have two little nephews ages 5 & 3.
so i have a lot of the "kids say the darnest things" moments-
The other day i heard the 5yr old exclaim to his little brother "Hurry! if you don't get in the bathroom you'll get type 1 diabetes!" He said he learned it off a commercial-

[shimma]

My brother apparently watched a talk show one day because when the new neighbors came over to meet our family one weekend, he introduced himself with:

"Hi, I'm Steve. I was a female once."

He was all of 5.

[cheshrcarol]

I went to the grocery store the other day and while I was in the produce section this little girl about 3 says "You don't have a baby in your cart. Did you leave her in the car?" LOL. I started laughing and told her I didn't have a baby. The mother, who had walked away to grab something, overheard and was embarrassed and told the girl that everyone has babies.