Sending out the wrong signal?

[EggGirl]

This may get a little long but I need to cover some background before proceeding.

Over three years ago I lost 75 pounds, and I was 25 when I reached my goal weight. Since then, I've been struggling to deal with the attention I get from men. I guess at first my self esteem had a hard time catching up with my body shape, and I didn't realize that just by looking at a man, I would become targeted. (Not that that happened all the time, and when it did, I was usually out dancing.)

In the two years that I've been at my goal weight, I've really continued to struggle with the attention. First of all, I am married, and I worry that I am sending out some kind of wrong signal that attracts single men to me. It kind of got me involved in a bit of a rumor mill at work this winter where I had completely misinterpreted a friend's attention toward me. I finally got out of that, but now I'm dealing with my trainer at the gym. Anyway, I don't mean to sound as if I think I'm really hot or that I get hit on constantly, because I definately don't, but I'm just worried, can a married woman send out signals that would make men think she's available? I am a little flirty, but I thought that was meaningless. Do I need to curtail flirting to eliminate this attention? Or just ignore men all together? That seems silly.

Any advice appreciated.

[Winter Storm]

I am a little flirty, but I thought that was meaningless. Do I need to curtail flirting to eliminate this attention? Or just ignore men all together? That seems silly.

Any advice appreciated.

Sometimes flirting can send out the wrong message.

But I'm not even going to get going on that topic again. :frustrate

[Krishna]

Guys are guys. If they are unattached, they interpret sneezing as a sign that you want attention. If they are attached, they look ayways (most of them). Unless you are sending your best "come hither" look 24/7, I would suggest that you are doing nothing wrong...you just aren't used to the typical male behavior yet. :googly:

[EggGirl]

No, I reserve my come hither look for my husband and my husband only. I do make eye contact a lot though. Maybe that's what will do it. I suppose I'll adjust, but I just want to make sure I'm not in the wrong. I don't want to be one of "those kinds" of girls. If this is typical male behavior, I'd almost rather gain the weight back. It's annoying after a while.

[Krishna]

Heh. Don't do it, losing weight is hard to do--dont let it bug you. Eye contact can get guys, I suppose (though I'm not a guy, so can't guarantee it)...do you go out to all these places w/ husband in tow, or are you out with a bunch of single friends?

[SmilesSoSweet]

I'm not trying to threadjack... but congrats on losing AND maintaining your weight loss. What did you do to lose the weight?

I don't think you're giving the wrong signals either. Guys will look no matter if you're married or single. Now if you actually give into their signals, that would be a different story.

[EggGirl]

Thanks Smiles!

I lost the weight on Weight Watchers, and have maintained it on the same program. Although, I will admit, losing it was much easier than keeping it off. Over the past year I put on 10 pounds, that I finally got off this past month with the help of a trainer.

[allie1105]

Love Weight Watchers - I lost some on it too and kept it off. It really works... especially if you follow it correctly! As for the attention you are getting - as stated before, if you are reserving your "come hither" look for your husband ONLY, you are not doing anything wrong. Its a different ball game when you look a certain way...guys think of you differently, and its really annoying. Good luck!

[SmilesSoSweet]

Thanks Smiles!

I lost the weight on Weight Watchers, and have maintained it on the same program. Although, I will admit, losing it was much easier than keeping it off. Over the past year I put on 10 pounds, that I finally got off this past month with the help of a trainer.

Cool. I've lost 20lbs so far on WW. I'm in my 14th week, I think. I have a ways to go, but at least I know it works! :)

[coll214]

Sadly, some guys see the ring as just a small challenge. There's been more than one occasion when i'm out and if I mistakenly make eye contact with that type of guy, b/c it is a type, i'll tell them the boyfriend is on the way or it's just girls night out. Some actually take that to mean ahh, challenge time :googly:. I guess just be more wary of who you're nice to. That doesn't mean be a bitch to everyone under the sun, but maybe a tad reserved? Unfortunately sometimes harmless flirting can be misconstrued.

And congrats on the weight loss!!

[sparky88]

Hey, good job on the weight loss. My best friend lost 110lbs and has kept it off for 5 yrs by using weight watchers.

I think that you should be yourself, but if anyone overtly takes your personality the 'wrong way' I would nip it in the bud by directly communicating that you are a married woman and are not interested. If they keep it up, just repeat yourself and start ignoring them. You can always say, i'm flattered, sorry if i confused you, but i'm happily taken. You can be polite and tactful, yet get the point across.

[EggGirl]

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I think I might be a bit too nice, too, and have a hard time nipping things in the bud before they blow up in my face, because I feel mean. I guess there's always something to work on, and I don't want to be a tease.

Weight watchers does work really well if you are motivated and dedicated, and I found that if I make it my own, it works better. I still follow the main points of the program, but make little changes to suit me.

[Raquel]

Heh. Don't do it, losing weight is hard to do--dont let it bug you. Eye contact can get guys, I suppose (though I'm not a guy, so can't guarantee it)...do you go out to all these places w/ husband in tow, or are you out with a bunch of single friends?

Eye contact can get a guy's attention. I accidently made eye contact with the trashman and so he got out of his dump truck to ask me out on date...lol. :huge:

[mrspruitt]

Honey I wouldn't worry about it. I'm a married woman as well and I get the same reaction. I'm not flirty just very friendly and outgoing. Yet I get hit on all the time. It used to bother me, but now I realize I'm doing nothing wrong. Men are just men. Even my husbands friends flirt around or make comments. My husband always says it just makes him feel lucky to have me. Don't let idiots get you down. I can say after gaining some weight even men are going to look regardless and as far as misinterpreting friendships. A lot of people out there are just lonely and looking. Any type of kindness or harmless flirting can misinterpreted. Just have fun and try not to worry about it! And congrats on the weight loss. I've been struggling with that now. I need to loose about 30 more lbs to reach my goal weight. It's a hard battle. :)

[and1grad]

Eye contact can get a guy's attention. I accidently made eye contact with the trashman and so he got out of his dump truck to ask me out on date...lol. :huge:
So the trashman almost picked YOU up? Thats awesome.

Egg, maybe mention the husband more when you think a guy is paying you a little too much attention. I think most guys take that as a stop sign rather than a challenge.

[SmilesSoSweet]

Weight watchers does work really well if you are motivated and dedicated, and I found that if I make it my own, it works better. I still follow the main points of the program, but make little changes to suit me.

I follow the program as well, but changed it slighty to cater to my cultural foods. So far, so good.

And I definitely agree with a1grad, mention the hubby more in conversation and most normal/non-weirdo guys will back off.

[EggGirl]

Weight is a constant struggle, isn't it? I thought I'd get to my goal weight an be happy, but in many ways I'm still insecure--just about new things. Granted, I'm far more confident now.

I actually mention my husband as often as I can to politely let someone know I'm not interested, and more often than not it backfires. It's like someone posted above, they see that as a challenege instead of something to stay away from. My hubby doesn't mind it either, he says he feels flattered by it. The trashman one is good! My worst, by far, example of being hit on/flirted with was last year. I had to take my husband to the E.R. because he was suffering from severe vertigo. So the male nurse who was taking care of him came in to take his blood, and he had to use the arm on the side of the bed I was sitting on. Since hubby was out of it, I made small talk about how my veins are awful--you can't get a drop of blood from them. He looked down at me and said, as he gazed into my eyes, "No you don't, you have beautiful veins." Then, he said he had to get this thing behind me, and instead of just asking me to get it, stuck his crotch in my face as he stretched to reach it. Nice. Very nice.

[Raquel]

So the trashman almost picked YOU up? Thats awesome.

Egg, maybe mention the husband more when you think a guy is paying you a little too much attention. I think most guys take that as a stop sign rather than a challenge.


I guess trashman need some lovin too. Plus, he was kind of young and I would be lying if I said he wasn't kind of cute. Not to mention, he took some trash that they normally wouldn't take.

[CTGirl]

I guess trashman need some lovin too. Plus, he was kind of young and I would be lying if I said he wasn't kind of cute. Not to mention, he took some trash that they normally wouldn't take.

Good for you! I've been sorta seeing my cable guy now for about 3 months, lol

And congrats on the weight loss EggGirl! Go out and get the attention you deserve, and as long as you're not acting on anything, you won't be doing anything wrong!