Women: Can You Recongize a "Player"?

[DavidB]

So recognizing that certain guys try to be "Players", women, when you're out and around (clubs, parties, bars, at work, gym, on the freeway...kidding on the last one), can you recongize guys who are "players"?

What are the characteristics?

If you know they're game, do you play it anyway?

Guys, you consider yourself to be a "Player" or a nice guy? What's been more successful for you?

Personally, I was the nice guy, and when I tried to be a player, I was, well, laughed at (hey, we all have our shortcomings...).

Wanted to get your thoughts on this 'cause I know a lot of women frutstrated by guys who only want to game a girl, the hit it and quit, not actually date her or look for a relationship, a future...can women tell when a guy's only interested in the game? Do they play/run away? Do guys think it's better to come off as a player or a good guy?

Y'all are out and around, hit me back w/ your opinion...really curious about this.

David
www.BeBetterGuys.com
The Guy's Guide to Getting a Life

[Krishna]

Once you've fallen for one and gotten burned, you learn to recognize them. So yes. I recognize them. It's more a vibe than anything else, I think.

[CTGirl]

Once you've fallen for one and gotten burned, you learn to recognize them. So yes. I recognize them. It's more a vibe than anything else, I think.

Yeah, I'm not sure if its something I could really explain, but you definitely know one when you see one.

I've known some girls who go for the players, cuz they can seem fun at first, but once you've had one, it gets really old really fast, and you find that you'd much rather have something more genuine than deal with that act.

[ScottyTheBody]

Guys, you consider yourself to be a "Player" or a nice guy? What's been more successful for you?

Personally, I was the nice guy, and when I tried to be a player, I was, well, laughed at (hey, we all have our shortcomings...).

Wanted to get your thoughts on this 'cause I know a lot of women frutstrated by guys who only want to game a girl, the hit it and quit, not actually date her or look for a relationship, a future...can women tell when a guy's only interested in the game? Do they play/run away? Do guys think it's better to come off as a player or a good guy?

Y'all are out and around, hit me back w/ your opinion...really curious about this.

David
www.BeBetterGuys.com
The Guy's Guide to Getting a Life

You be who you are. If your a player then be a player and don't pretend to be the nice guy. There's nothing wrong with being a player and a lot of women actually like the player. Don't change who you are to get more women. Don't pretend to be a nice guy when you are a player.

Likewise, if you're a nice guy then be a nice guy. Don't pretend to be a player when you're not, just be who you are. There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy and from what I hear, there are women who actually like the nice guy.

Just be direct and honest. Don't pretend to be something you're not otherwise, whatever you have with your female companion (whether it be a ONS or a LTR) will be built on false pretenses.

Just be yourself.

[dengeist]

Like Machiavelli, I think it's better to have characteristics of both. "Nice guys" tend to get the short end of the stick and be least memorable. "Players" tend to be remembered more, get more women, but have more drama in their lives. So in the end, it depends on where you are in your life and what you're looking for.

Nice guys get the misnomer of "doormat" or "pushover." Being too easy going, going with the flow, being at someone's beck and call can put a guy into this category. Most likely when you start putting someone's feelings before your own, you'll get labelled as a nice guy. This is a bad way for anyone to behave. The keyword for nice guys is: unassuming.

Players are on the other end of the spectrum. It's all about being selfish, not really thinking about anyone else's feelings, and being manipulative. Most likely when you start putting your feeling before someone else's all the time, you'll get labelled as a player. This too is a bad way for anyone to behave. The keyword for a player is: charismatic. You really need that to be a player.

I think both of these are unnatural for most guys and most guys fall somewhere in the middle. For some women, a guy can be a nice guy and for others the same guy can be a player. A lot of times, when a guy really likes a woman, he tries to impress her, is always available, does whatever she wants. You can really be into a woman, but not always be available, do whatever someone wants, be a little impressive, because you have a life too. The player part comes in when you start doing this to multiple women and the reason you're not so available is because....you're spending your time with other women and you're misleading them all.

I was taught, never lie and for god's sake never try to juggle more than one woman at a time. So if I'm dating, it's perfectly legal for me to date more than one woman, but I'd never misrepresent that as being exclusive. If the subject of being exclusive comes up, I'd be honest about it. That's kind of player stuff. At the same time, I hold doors open, pull out chairs, open car doors, help move stuff (when I'm available). That's kind of nice guy stuff.

To me, it depends on the woman and what she allows though.

[embrassezla]

i think women tend to be attracted to "players" because they like guys with game, and the term "player" kind of implies that dude's got game. and by game, i pretty much mean charisma, as degenist mentioned. you can have game and NOT be a player. THAT's what women want, IMHO. i was thrilled to find a guy who had game AND wanted a relationship.

[meatwad]

Trying to do some research for your little website there, chief?

[capella]

Trying to do some research for your little website there, chief?
LOL, that's what I was thinking.

[DavidB]

Hey, Pumpkin, no, not doing research for my little website - I'm just asking your opinion, which you haven't as yet offered. However if you want to take part in research for my website, I'd be happy to include you...I'm sure I could put you to use.

My asking this question was to get people's opinions on it as I've run into a number of women friends who have expressed real concern that more guys are behaving like players and that they're having trouble detecting it in guys until they feel they've been played (read: laid). So I'm asking the guys and girls on this board their take on guys as players, how do they tell, do they like to play along or avoid guys like that, as well as if guys try to be players themselves.

That's the point - not to publish anyone's specific opinions or my impression of what people say on my site. That answer your question, Sport?

David
www.BeBetterGuys.com
What Your Dad Didn't Teach You

[weary]

Yeah, I'm not sure if its something I could really explain, but you definitely know one when you see one.

I've known some girls who go for the players, cuz they can seem fun at first, but once you've had one, it gets really old really fast, and you find that you'd much rather have something more genuine than deal with that act.

i agree for the most part. although i will say i have recognized the player for what he was worth from the jump, and still played the game on occasion. just going into it knowing it was for a good time and nothing else. and NO i don't mean sex. players are a$$holes when your heart's in it and you get hurt. but if your heart's not in it and you just want have fun, players are usually upbeat, extroverted people who know how to have a good time. and if you never give it up and manage to remain friends with them...they always know where the party's at! :huge:

i hate the player that burned me...but i wouldn't know the signs or what to do with them if i hadn't had that experience. much easier now.

[CTGirl]

i think women tend to be attracted to "players" because they like guys with game, and the term "player" kind of implies that dude's got game. and by game, i pretty much mean charisma, as degenist mentioned. you can have game and NOT be a player. THAT's what women want, IMHO. i was thrilled to find a guy who had game AND wanted a relationship.

Good call on that, I totally agree. Its great when you can find the guy who has the charisma of a "player" but the genuine-ness and long-term potential of a "nice guy"

[embrassezla]

i LOL'd at "Pumpkin". didn't really read past that. YAY SARCASMO

[weary]

Good call on that, I totally agree. Its great when you can find the guy who has the charisma of a "player" but the genuine-ness and long-term potential of a "nice guy"

do these really exist? REALLY??? where?...

[embrassezla]

do these really exist? REALLY??? where?...
apparently, but in 26 years i've only come across one so they must be a rare breed. :huge:

[CTGirl]

do these really exist? REALLY??? where?...

Sure they do, and I've known a handful of em myself--they're hard to snag though, as they usually have a girlfriend, and dont stay on the market long.

These are guys who have a great out-going personality which gives off that player-like confidence and smoothness, but at the same time, they were raised well enough to know that sleeping around is not always best, and so they are looking for "the one" instead.

[weary]

apparently, but in 26 years i've only come across one so they must be a rare breed. :huge:

LOL...rare breed indeed!!! hold on tight to that one!

in 29 years i've come across more players than i can count!!! :redface:

[capella]

Hey, Pumpkin, no, not doing research for my little website - I'm just asking your opinion, which you haven't as yet offered. However if you want to take part in research for my website, I'd be happy to include you...I'm sure I could put you to use.

My asking this question was to get people's opinions on it as I've run into a number of women friends who have expressed real concern that more guys are behaving like players and that they're having trouble detecting it in guys until they feel they've been played (read: laid). So I'm asking the guys and girls on this board their take on guys as players, how do they tell, do they like to play along or avoid guys like that, as well as if guys try to be players themselves.

That's the point - not to publish anyone's specific opinions or my impression of what people say on my site. That answer your question, Sport?

David
www.BeBetterGuys.com
What Your Dad Didn't Teach You
Who are you "pumpkining"??? :googly: And to answer your question, I can smell a player a mile away. I haven't been sideswiped by one since high school. Players have a distinct scent of desperation and slime to them. They are insincere and full of crap. I have a fairly sensitive Bullshitometer and I don't deal with people, of either sex, who are fake and full of shit. I am picky about who knows me well, physically or otherwise.

[Kitty]

Its usually the guys who make sexual comments within 10 seconds of knowing you.

[embrassezla]

Sure they do, and I've known a handful of em myself--they're hard to snag though, as they usually have a girlfriend, and dont stay on the market long.

These are guys who have a great out-going personality which gives off that player-like confidence and smoothness, but at the same time, they were raised well enough to know that sleeping around is not always best, and so they are looking for "the one" instead.
True story.

[capella]

Its usually the guys who make sexual comments within 10 seconds of knowing you.
Or guys who call you "pumpkin" on a website. :rolleyes: Wannabe players or not.

[and1grad]

just going into it knowing it was for a good time and nothing else. and NO i don't mean sex.
Then what DO you mean? Ice cream shakes and nintendo? ;)

I always thought players were EXTREMELY obvious. Personally, I say fuck that nice guy shit and that player crap is for rappers. I'm over it.

[DavidB]

Who are you "pumpkining"??? :googly: And to answer your question, I can smell a player a mile away. I haven't been sideswiped by one since high school. Players have a distinct scent of desperation and slime to them. They are insincere and full of crap. I have a fairly sensitive Bullshitometer and I don't deal with people, of either sex, who are fake and full of shit. I am picky about who knows me well, physically or otherwise.


I'm not "pumpkining" you (never heard of it as a verb before, kind of like that, though!)...it's for Sunshine (aka Meatwad or whatever his name is) who was questioning why I was putting up the post in the first place.

Desperation, huh? I follow you slime factor comment, a certain worminess guys have when the goal is to get in a girl's pants, but I've never seen players act desperate. In fact, I've seen quite the opposite - an over-confidence that borders on arrogance and almost disdain for women.

I can tell players in a second, and it seems like most women on this board can, too. I'm just curious about whether it's a game you would want to play...

David
www.BeBetterGuys.com
Like Your Older Brothers Without the Beatdowns

[capella]

I'm not "pumpkining" you (never heard of it as a verb before, kind of like that, though!)...it's for Sunshine (aka Meatwad or whatever his name is) who was questioning why I was putting up the post in the first place.

Desperation, huh? I follow you slime factor comment, a certain worminess guys have when the goal is to get in a girl's pants, but I've never seen players act desperate. In fact, I've seen quite the opposite - an over-confidence that borders on arrogance and almost disdain for women.

I can tell players in a second, and it seems like most women on this board can, too. I'm just curious about whether it's a game you would want to play...

David
www.BeBetterGuys.com
Like Your Older Brothers Without the Beatdowns
Hmm, see because "pumpkin" is usually directed at females and I questioned your intentions directly after.

I find the "suave"ness and supposed "confidence" is really just a form of desperation. It stinks of desperation to me to try and play games and fuck with people's heads. People who are players have a true lack of "confidence" in my opinion. It takes a lot more guts to be a f'ing human being than it does to be a slimeball. Being a jerk is a form of weakness. It's harder to be a better, considerate person and it takes a lot more balls to be yourself, not be the arrogant I can get any girl I want asshole.

[weary]

Then what DO you mean? Ice cream shakes and nintendo? ;)

I always thought players were EXTREMELY obvious. Personally, I say fuck that nice guy shit and that player crap is for rappers. I'm over it.

well, i have a player-friend who's great for what i get out of him. we can meet for drinks or whatever and he's always fun. bonus: he always treats too. he is smooth as silk w/o being cheesy and i like that in a guy - player or not. very gentlemanly, great conversationalist, tends to draw a crowd w/ is outgoing personality. i am pretty quiet in social settings, so it's easier when i'm out with him. and since i'm not looking for anything out of it nor do i like him THAT way, i don't care that we constantly run into girls he "knows", his cell phone is always ringing, etc. no jealousy or wondering who the hell 'she' is.

[and1grad]

So you're kinda "playin" each other.

[capella]

I don't know. I guess I just prefer my people with flaws showing. I like people who are real. Deep down we are all flawed, some more than others for sure, but it's totally fake to try and act smooth.

[meatwad]

Hey, Pumpkin, no, not doing research for my little website - I'm just asking your opinion, which you haven't as yet offered. However if you want to take part in research for my website, I'd be happy to include you...I'm sure I could put you to use.

My asking this question was to get people's opinions on it as I've run into a number of women friends who have expressed real concern that more guys are behaving like players and that they're having trouble detecting it in guys until they feel they've been played (read: laid). So I'm asking the guys and girls on this board their take on guys as players, how do they tell, do they like to play along or avoid guys like that, as well as if guys try to be players themselves.

That's the point - not to publish anyone's specific opinions or my impression of what people say on my site. That answer your question, Sport?

David
www.BeBetterGuys.com
What Your Dad Didn't Teach You


Thanks Pussnuts but I'll pass. I'll stick to BeYourself instead of ThisIsWhatYouShouldDoToMakePeopleLikeYou.com. But I appreciate the offer. If any of my buddies want advice on how they should act if they want to get their donks rubbed by some gold digger or a nice metro fella like yourself I'll make sure to give em your URL.

[embrassezla]

well, i have a player-friend who's great for what i get out of him. we can meet for drinks or whatever and he's always fun. bonus: he always treats too. he is smooth as silk w/o being cheesy and i like that in a guy - player or not. very gentlemanly, great conversationalist, tends to draw a crowd w/ is outgoing personality. i am pretty quiet in social settings, so it's easier when i'm out with him. and since i'm not looking for anything out of it nor do i like him THAT way, i don't care that we constantly run into girls he "knows", his cell phone is always ringing, etc. no jealousy or wondering who the hell 'she' is.
i have a friend just like this. he IS really fun to hang out with, for all the same reasons you just mentioned.

[and1grad]

Meat/DavidB,

Stop. Now.

[weary]

So you're kinda "playin" each other.

well, no, not exactly. it's all out in the open - at least on my end. the first time he came at me i knew had a girlfriend and pulled his card. (cursed him out, actually.) we still ran into eachother from time to time and i really treated him like shit b/c that was so not cool to me. he's been through several girlfriends since then and somewhere along the way i stopped being such a bitch to him. when we eventually became friendly i continued (and continue) to tell him what i think of his player ways. he [supposedly] likes my brutal honesty and i can honestly say that having seen him in action so many time i don't think he'd know how to separate his player self from his true self anymore if he tried. (sad, huh?) he's stopped trying to get me in the sack or anything in that arena and we talk about plenty other stuff, including who we're seeing.

now, i know plenty will say, "so what, he'd bag you in a minute if given the chance". DUH! isn't it like that in most 'platonic' relationships? :rolleyes:

[CTGirl]

I can tell players in a second, and it seems like most women on this board can, too. I'm just curious about whether it's a game you would want to play...

David
www.BeBetterGuys.com
Like Your Older Brothers Without the Beatdowns

I found that in college, most girls were up for playing with a player, cuz it's fun if you're just looking for a good time for a night or 2. But now me and my friends seem to have grown out of it, and arent usually looking for that anymore - we're looking for something more mature than that.

[Persephone]

I'm pretty good at deflecting men, and I certainly do kick the "Players" to the curb quickly. What makes me think a guy is a player is when he talks about nothing of substance. He might try to tell me I'm hot or he might try to feign interests in my interests; but when I try to have an actual discussion with him, and he starts talking about his Adidas, I almost have to shake my head. Just last week, a guy asked me about my studies, and I told him I was reading Ovid; he asked me "What's that?" (note: he didn't know enough to ask "Who's that?"). This wouldn't have been a big deal (ok, it actually really is), but he said that he was considering becoming an English major! I just kind of sighed and gave him the "When-are-you-going-away?" look. It works really well. He shuffled off. Quickly.

[and1grad]

Just last week, a guy asked me about my studies, and I told him I was reading Ovid; he asked me "What's that?" (note: he didn't know enough to ask "Who's that?"). This wouldn't have been a big deal (ok, it actually really is), but he said that he was considering becoming an English major! I just kind of sighed and gave him the "When-are-you-going-away?" look. It works really well. He shuffled off. Quickly.
I'm missing how this guy is a player. I dont know who/what Ovid is either and I gotta say my rxn would've been the same.

[shimma]

I'm missing how this guy is a player. I dont know who/what Ovid is either and I gotta say my rxn would've been the same.

Yeah, ditto. Ovid is so obscure that not knowing who he is doesn't even make you a dumbass.

[wordsmith]

An English major would know, though. :)

Still, I'm not sure that makes him a player.

[Kitty]

Yeah, ditto. Ovid is so obscure that not knowing who he is doesn't even make you a dumbass.

Shouldn't any college graduate know that?!

[Winter Storm]

Nope.

I'm gonna come right out and say I can't tell a player these days because they come in all sizes, colors, flavors, levels of intellilect and professional degrees, varied interests from philosophy and gardening to smoking weed and romantic comedies, all different styles from the 4-eyed academic geek to the dreadlocked, Jay-Z follower. They can be obvious, pulling fast lines at first glances or subtle and tasteful, buying dinners, sending flowers and making advanced plans to spoken-word poetry. They can talk about you meeting their moms and sister, joke about what a powerful couple you could be, take an interest in your personal pursuits and friends, offer you support and help when needed or hold out, waiting for you until they've made you comfortable. I swear, I've seen many and more than enough.

I can't tell shit these days!!! :mad:

[embrassezla]

mathematicians don't, apparently.

but if i insisted that all potential SO's i meet know what a Fourier transform is, i'd be either single or dating a bunch of nerds :)

[wordsmith]

I'm all about dating a bunch of nerds! :)

And, as such, no, I don't bother with obvious players.

[Persephone]

An English major would know, though. :)

Still, I'm not sure that makes him a player.


Thanks for the response. Like I had said, I think guys are players when they feign interest; I think this guy went so far as to probably lie (I'm not saying he's necessarily lied) and say he was interested in literature. I don't care if you have the same interests as I do, just don't pretend to. I think that generally players are more likely to use the "feigning interest" ploy.

[meatwad]

"Jocks only think about sports, nerds only think about sex." - Revenge of the Nerds

[wordsmith]

Thanks for the response. Like I had said, I think guys are players when they feign interest; I think this guy went so far as to probably lie (I'm not saying he's necessarily lied) and say he was interested in literature. I don't care if you have the same interests as I do, just don't pretend to. I think that generally players are more likely to use the "feigning interest" ploy.

True...but some people who feign interest in a given topic genuinely are interested in you, and just want to impress you...still looks pretty transparent, though.

To me, a player is someone where there's no genuine interest in you, specifically...you're being flirted with because you're there, and if it weren't you, it'd be somebody else. Hi, it's not flattering if you're interested in WHOEVER. Be interested in ME, and we'll talk.

[CTGirl]

True...but some people who feign interest in a given topic genuinely are interested in you, and just want to impress you...still looks pretty transparent, though.

To me, a player is someone where there's no genuine interest in you, specifically...you're being flirted with because you're there, and if it weren't you, it'd be somebody else. Hi, it's not flattering if you're interested in WHOEVER. Be interested in ME, and we'll talk.

Well said, I agree!

[Persephone]

To me, a player is someone where there's no genuine interest in you, specifically...you're being flirted with because you're there, and if it weren't you, it'd be somebody else. Hi, it's not flattering if you're interested in WHOEVER. Be interested in ME, and we'll talk.



Very well put. And I find it's demeaning when approached in this manner, and I am sure most people would agree.

[Kitty]

mathematicians don't, apparently.

but if i insisted that all potential SO's i meet know what a Fourier transform is, i'd be either single or dating a bunch of nerds :)

Well, I know what that is and I'm an English major.

[wordsmith]

That's really why I'm disdainful of players. Your "interest" in me is worthless to me if it's equal opportunity interest. I'm selfish like that.

[Persephone]

mathematicians don't, apparently.

but if i insisted that all potential SO's i meet know what a Fourier transform is, i'd be either single or dating a bunch of nerds :)


Good point. But like I said in a previous post, I don't care if a person has the same interests as I do, I just don't want someone to pretend they do. I think that generally players are more likely to use the "feigning interest" ploy.

(Note: You may want to use the "Quote" button in the future; I wasn't quite sure/still not sure who you are responding to, though I'm guessing it's Kitty directly and me indirectly.)

(Second note: There's nothing wrong with dating nerds!)
:)

[embrassezla]

I was responding to Kitty.

And I agree there is nothing wrong with dating nerds, I'm a mathematician, I was labeling my kind as nerds with tongue firmly in cheek.

[embrassezla]

Well, I know what that is and I'm an English major.
Cool, how did you come across such a topic? I'm guessing you took a class in Number Theory, Analysis, Diff Eq's, etc, which couldn't have been part of your English curriculum. Neat that you have/had an interest though! I'm threadjacking now but, whatever.

[shimma]

Shouldn't any college graduate know that?!

Can't you cut a sci-fi and chick-lit loving finance major some slack? ;):

[ScottyTheBody]

mathematicians don't, apparently.

but if i insisted that all potential SO's i meet know what a Fourier transform is, i'd be either single or dating a bunch of nerds :)

That's one of my requirements. That and knowing how to solve DE's within matrices on a computer.

[embrassezla]

That's one of my requirements. That and knowing how to solve DE's within matrices on a computer.
hehe. i learned halfway through college that i didn't want to date another mathematician. one nerd per couple is enough :)

[capella]

Your "interest" in me is worthless to me if it's equal opportunity interest. I'm selfish like that.
LOL!!!! Can I quote that? That is hilarious. ;)

[and1grad]

Kitty's the only one here who went to college.

[wordsmith]

LOL!!!! Can I quote that? That is hilarious. ;)

Feel free. We college graduates love to be cited. :rolleyes:

[Kitty]

Kitty's the only one here who went to college.

I just assume most people that have graduated from college have at least HEARD OF Ovid's Metamorphosis.

[meatwad]

I just assume most people that have graduated from college have at least HEARD OF Ovid's Metamorphosis.

I graduated from college and I've never heard of it.

[Winter Storm]

I graduated from college and I've never heard of it.

Co-sign.

.............

[meatwad]

Co-sign.

.............

I'm not ready for that kind of commitment.

[and1grad]

I'm not ready for that kind of commitment.
TYPICAL guy!!

Not only have I not ever heard of Ovid...but I cant say I give a rat's ass either. I must've wasted my tuition and time.

[meatwad]

TYPICAL guy!!

Not only have I not ever heard of Ovid...but I cant say I give a rat's ass either. I must've wasted my tuition and time.

Sounds like a new kind of Egg Beaters.

[and1grad]

I'm thinkin its some new version of Oil of Olay anti-wrinkle cream.

[shimma]

Or a drug to help you ovulate.

[meatwad]

Or a drug to help you ovulate.

Side effects may include, loss of appetite, vomiting, blurry vision, bloody urine, dizziness, excess hangnails, split ends, malaryia, kitten breath, dry mouth, cotton mouth, shutcha mouth webbed feet and the inability to conceive.

[DavidB]

An update for those of you who have been on this thread all day and are familiar with a little "drama" from earlier this morning, on behalf of Meatwad, we are pleased to let everyone know all is well and we are cool w/ each other.

In fact, we are getting together later tonight to watch "Must Love Dogs", we'll be baking a bundt cake and brushing each other's hair, for those of you that want to stop by.

Thought you'd want to know. I may have to explain to my son what a "Pussnuts" is, and that won't be pretty.

With that, it's cocktail time.

David
www.BeBetterGuys.com
The Guy's Guide to Getting a Life

[dengeist]

Go to the beach for the day and look at what happens..... :googly:

[meatwad]

An update for those of you who have been on this thread all day and are familiar with a little "drama" from earlier this morning, on behalf of Meatwad, we are pleased to let everyone know all is well and we are cool w/ each other.

In fact, we are getting together later tonight to watch "Must Love Dogs", we'll be baking a bundt cake and brushing each other's hair, for those of you that want to stop by.

Thought you'd want to know. I may have to explain to my son what a "Pussnuts" is, and that won't be pretty.

With that, it's cocktail time.

David
www.BeBetterGuys.com
The Guy's Guide to Getting a Life


I'm the pitcher, you're the catcher.

[vain68]

'A player' is shaped by context. A player can also be a player to one girl and a genuine guy to another. A player defies any definition. I know about Ovid, a bit about Fourier transformations, and I like the metro style. Don't judge someone until you know them on a profound, deep level. Often attachment explains the player who can not establish a meaningful relationship at some point.

Holla

V68


www.myspace.com/vain68

[wordsmith]

Players are typically not interested in being known on a deep and profound level.

[vain68]

Players are typically not interested in being known on a deep and profound level.

This is true but explains their difficulties on an emotionally adaptive level. Have a look at many of their backgrounds and some consistencies should emerge.

[wordsmith]

This is true but explains their difficulties on an emotionally adaptive level. Have a look at many of their backgrounds and some consistencies should emerge.

What do you even mean by this?

Also, if you come off as a player, there are women who aren't going to bother with you long enough to look into your backgound anyway to examine what these consistencies are, why they matter, or why anybody should care about the emotionally adaptive level of said difficulties.

[vain68]

What do you even mean by this?

Also, if you come off as a player, there are women who aren't going to bother with you long enough to look into your backgound anyway to examine what these consistencies are, why they matter, or why anybody should care about the emotionally adaptive level of said difficulties.


WordsSmith, what this means is that the player, fundamentally, and inherently has emotional deficits that are typically the byproduct of attachment-related issues with their caregivers. Rather than get into further detail at the expense of boring some with develompental theory, I'll leave it at that. Women who are relationally healthy themselves would not care about these consistencies among players as you point out. The exception is the player who genuinely attaches. I was stating this from the standpoint of allowing you to see congruencies in the players you know or consider to be. That said, it is always good to employ a behavioral repetoire similar to the player. Once on a one-on-one level, the player and the confident man diverge courses.

Holla

Vv

www.myspace.com/vain68

[hoodie]

LOL meatwad and DavidB... :razz:

I don't think someone can recognize every guy who's going to "play" them, but the types of guys who want to be seen as players are not only apparent but very unattractive to me.

Then again, this is just my taste. I'd rather have the shy, sweet, quirky guy than the one who oozes confidence and charisma out all his pores. Not that I hate confidence/charisma, it's just not one of the initial attractors and too much makes a guy look cocky and not at all my type.

[WorkInProgress]

To me, a player is someone where there's no genuine interest in you, specifically...you're being flirted with because you're there, and if it weren't you, it'd be somebody else. Hi, it's not flattering if you're interested in WHOEVER. Be interested in ME, and we'll talk.

Yep. Found one of these while on vacation this week. Quickly got rid of him too. Ick.

[wordsmith]

WordsSmith, what this means is that the player, fundamentally, and inherently has emotional deficits that are typically the byproduct of attachment-related issues with their caregivers. Rather than get into further detail at the expense of boring some with develompental theory, I'll leave it at that. Women who are relationally healthy themselves would not care about these consistencies among players as you point out. The exception is the player who genuinely attaches. I was stating this from the standpoint of allowing you to see congruencies in the players you know or consider to be. That said, it is always good to employ a behavioral repetoire similar to the player. Once on a one-on-one level, the player and the confident man diverge courses.

Holla

Vv

www.myspace.com/vain68

Whaaaaaaa? Again, what does this mean?

"The player, fundamentally, and inherently has emotional deficits that are typically the byproduct of attachment-related issues with their caregivers. Rather than get into further detail at the expense of boring some with develompental theory, I'll leave it at that."

That players are players because they had bad mommies who made them that way? This may be true in some cases, may not be in others...either way, so what?

If, by "Women who are relationally healthy themselves would not care about these consistencies among players," you mean "women who aren't messed up and are smart won't bother with player types," I'd tend to agree most of the time.

"Allowing me to see the congruencies of the players I know?" What? Who cares about whether they have shared characteristics?

"It is always good to employ a behavioral repetoire similar to the player?" I don't think so. Why would you become a player to get a player? Why not just seek out guys who aren't?

[vain68]

That players are players because they had bad mommies who made them that way? This may be true in some cases, may not be in others...either way, so what?

The 'so what' bro is that it explains their behavior for those that constantly don't seem to understand why they behave in that manner. If we are definining the player as has been noted earlier in this thread, the issue of relational deficits is always true.


"Allowing me to see the congruencies of the players I know?" What? Who cares about whether they have shared characteristics?

What I am trying to point out to you bro is that if they have shared characteristics then this implies a common etiology argued in point 1 above.

"It is always good to employ a behavioral repetoire similar to the player?" I don't think so. Why would you become a player to get a player? Why not just seek out guys who aren't?

The players issue is not attracting women. In most cases, whether or not they admit it, most women are attracted to the players behavior's...note behaviors, not personality per se. The player's behaviors espouse confidence and charisma, even if false. In some cases the fake behavior is noted by the astute female after she talks with him for a little bit of time. That said, a behavioral repetoire similar to the player is good to have in that it allows one to be a challenge, to be mysterious, and to be confident (and here I am not including ridiculously absurd sexual comments made by drunken fools). Once the initial attraction sets up a longer interaction, then the real individual diverges from the player, further enhancing his value to the astute female.

Remember, behaviors do not necessarily imply anything about the individual. For example, infants who are constantly rejected by their caregiver appear autonomous and 'unconcerned' when left alone in a strange room by themselves yet their physiological perameters indicate otherwise.

Vv

[wordsmith]

The 'so what' bro is that it explains their behavior for those that constantly don't seem to understand why they behave in that manner. If we are definining the player as has been noted earlier in this thread, the issue of relational deficits is always true.



What I am trying to point out to you bro is that if they have shared characteristics then this implies a common etiology argued in point 1 above.



The players issue is not attracting women. In most cases, whether or not they admit it, most women are attracted to the players behavior's...note behaviors, not personality per se. The player's behaviors espouse confidence and charisma, even if false. In some cases the fake behavior is noted by the astute female after she talks with him for a little bit of time. That said, a behavioral repetoire similar to the player is good to have in that it allows one to be a challenge, to be mysterious, and to be confident (and here I am not including ridiculously absurd sexual comments made by drunken fools). Once the initial attraction sets up a longer interaction, then the real individual diverges from the player, further enhancing his value to the astute female.

Remember, behaviors do not necessarily imply anything about the individual. For example, infants who are constantly rejected by their caregiver appear autonomous and 'unconcerned' when left alone in a strange room by themselves yet their physiological perameters indicate otherwise.

Vv

Mmkay...the question posted by the OP is, simply, can women recognize a player? The answer is yes.

More to the point of the above theorizing...yeah, behaviors do actually imply a WHOLE heck of a lot about the indivdual.