Sexual curiosity

[Anonymous]

As far as I know I am "straight". I put it in quotaions because I don't like to put labels on things. I am a woman engaged to a wonderful man. I have kissed women before, but I know that I want to be with men. Lately I've been having confusing feelings. I get lonely because my fiance lives out of state, and I won't cheat on him...at least with a man. I seriously don't think he's have a problem with me being with a woman. I have never slept with a woman before, but I'm curious now, especially since I've met a lesbian in the same academic program at school. Yesterday I found myself thinking of her all day. I'm in love with my fiance, but I feel I've developed this kind of "infatuation" for this woman. Can anyone relate?

[StocktonCal]

YES!

My soon to be wife is just like you. She too was / is interested in 'having a little fun' with other girls. She talked to me about it, and I agreed that as long as it didn't turn into a relashionship it wasn't cheating.

It has worked out great thus far. :)

This is more normal than most people would like to say. Talk to him about it. :)

[Antonina]

Hate to be the party pooper here, but there does appear to be a small problem here... wouldn't you be cheating on your fiance' if you were to have a fling with the lesbian from your work? My issue here is NOT whether or not it is okay to have feelings of ambivalent sexuality, but whether it is ok to be sleeping with someone else when you are supposedly engaged... I don't know how your fiance' is likely to take such news, but I know that I would have a problem with it as I would view it as an act of infidelity, which is contrary to the whole point of being engaged to someone. Does anyone else agree?

[Jayesh]

I think whether it's "cheating" or not depends entirely on the couple. If the woman talks to the guy and he is ok with it, it's not cheating. If she goes ahead and has a fling with another woman without talking to him, then I would say that it's cheating

[ozzzz]

You may want to look at your motivation carefully. In the original post you say that ypu won't cheat on him with a man--why does the conccept of cheating differ if "the other man" becomes "the other woman?" it sounds like you are looking for variety and might not be as committed to your man as you think you are. whether that variety is found in a man or a woman is just a detail in a way bigger picture.

[MissKitty]

I think that was constitutes as "cheating" varies from couple to couple, as does the circumstances of their relationship, and it's really no one elses place to be judging what goes on between two(or more) concenting adults in a mature relationship.
As a general rule...when a person is "cheating", they are doing something of a sexual/intimate nature behind their partners back. So if your current partner knows about what's going on and is OK with it...then how is that cheating?

I am also not a fan of labels, but for the sake of arguement, I am a bisexual woman who is married to a heterosexual man. I have been in relationships with women before, and I am sexually attracted to other women, but I perfer men and feel safer in a relationship with a man. My Husband knows all about and understands my desires. I have always been honest with him. We have agreed upon specific boundaries in our relationship that are under no means to be crossed, and we both respect that. So far it has worked out great and benefitted us both.
Talk to your boyfriend about what is going on. The only way that an open relationship will work is if there is constant communication and trust.
Good luck!
~MissKitty

[Antonina]

I don't think we've been "judging" the initial threadstarter- I think she labelled it "cheating" herself in her post!