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Jman06
08-23-2006, 03:16 PM
My ex and I broke up and stayed friends. She still e-mails me every day at work. But now she is curious about the girl I am dating and is telling me about the guy she is dating. She wanted to know what we did, if we still talk, things about her, what were doing next. I told her I feel uncomfortable discussing who we are dating. I mean I just dont want to hear it because I think we both have feelings for eachother and it makes me jealous. Then she tells me how her guy is out of town and can't wait to see him again and thingsa are going good. Why would I want to hear about this crap?

Is this pretty normal to feel this way? What does all this mean? Is she just nosey or what? Does she actually think I want to know about her new guy?

CTGirl
08-23-2006, 03:19 PM
Seems odd to me that you and your ex email each other every day, but maybe that's just me........

wordsmith
08-23-2006, 03:20 PM
My ex and I broke up and stayed friends. She still e-mails me every day at work. But now she is curious about the girl I am dating and is telling me about the guy she is dating. She wanted to know what we did, if we still talk, things about her, what were doing next. I told her I feel uncomfortable discussing who we are dating. I mean I just dont want to hear it because I think we both have feelings for eachother and it makes me jealous. Then she tells me how her guy is out of town and can't wait to see him again and thingsa are going good. Why would I want to hear about this crap?

Is this pretty normal to feel this way? What does all this mean? Is she just nosey or what? Does she actually think I want to know about her new guy?

She's probably just fishing. If, as you said, there are still feelings.

Jman06
08-23-2006, 03:26 PM
What do u mean fishing. We email about every other day.

And if things are going to good with her new guy why does she want to know so much about the girl i'm dating and what were doing?

ATLWill
08-23-2006, 03:27 PM
Is this pretty normal to feel this way?

Cut the cord.

From the way it sounds, she broke up with you (why would you be jealous? if that isn't the case), and now she is trying to a) make you feel jealous or b) keep you on the hook in case this guy doesn't pan out.

Time to write a new chapter in your life without her.

WorkInProgress
08-23-2006, 03:30 PM
Well, it could be any number of things.

If you and the ex still share feelings for each other, though, I'd agree with WS that this sounds like a fishing expedition...maybe because she's insecure, she wants reassurance, she likes the comfort in her connection with you, or whatever.

wordsmith
08-23-2006, 03:33 PM
Well, it could be any number of things.

If you and the ex still share feelings for each other, though, I'd agree with WS that this sounds like a fishing expedition...maybe because she's insecure, she wants reassurance, she likes the comfort in her connection with you, or whatever.

Exactly......

NorthernAngel
08-23-2006, 03:39 PM
Did she pay attention to the fact that you told her you were uncomfortable discussing this with her? What was her response?

I'm in the same situation, an ex let it be known in my circle of friends that he doesn't want to be the last to find out if I have a new boyfriend (he still has feelings for me). I don't feel like I owe him any update on my life but I am a little uncomfortable since I have met someone. It's over, so let's both move on.

Good luck.

Krishna
08-23-2006, 03:47 PM
Seems odd to me that you and your ex email each other every day, but maybe that's just me........

Er....ditto to that.

Jman06
08-23-2006, 03:48 PM
Ya. Even after I said that she's asking me about all that. She just asked me about the other 2 girls I told her I wanted to ask out.

And what exactly do u mean by fishing expedition?

wordsmith
08-23-2006, 03:50 PM
She probably wants to see how the girls that came after her stack up to her. By fishing, she's curious about your life post-her.

WorkInProgress
08-23-2006, 03:52 PM
i.e. baiting lines to see if you'll bite and provide her with whatever she's looking for (sympathy, reassurance, comfort, security, whatever).

CTGirl
08-23-2006, 03:53 PM
Yeah, and a girl who's moved on doesn't go fishing

Time for both of you to move on I say.

ATLWill
08-23-2006, 03:54 PM
And what exactly do u mean by fishing expedition?

She wants to compare herself to who you are dating now, and determine if she made a mistake in breaking up with you.

In other words, her new guy isn't all that, and she wants to figure out whether she wants you back, and how easy it will be to get you back.

wordsmith
08-23-2006, 03:56 PM
She wants to compare herself to who you are dating now, and determine if she made a mistake in breaking up with you.

In other words, her new guy isn't all that, and she wants to figure out whether she wants you back, and how easy it will be to get you back.

Not necessarily...she could also be wanting to see if she's made out better than you have...the competition factor.

wordsmith
08-23-2006, 03:57 PM
Yeah, and a girl who's moved on doesn't go fishing

Time for both of you to move on I say.

If they still talk daily, though, obviously neither has or wants to.

Jman06
08-23-2006, 03:57 PM
Ok. So then can I assume she is exagerating her interest in the new guy to make me jealous?

Oh. And the first week or 2 they were dating she told me she wanted to come over and see me. Now its like 2-3 weeks later and she's talking about how well things are going with this guy. I see this and contradictory.

Thanks for the responses. I'm clueless with some of this stuff.

WorkInProgress
08-23-2006, 03:59 PM
Or, she is trying to force this whole friendship box on your situation. As in, friends talk about romances, therefore you two as friends should discuss your new romances. I'm not saying this is it, or that it's right, but it is a possibility (in the same vein as "the lady doth protest too much").

wordsmith
08-23-2006, 03:59 PM
Ok. So then can I assume she is exagerating her interest in the new guy to make me jealous?

Thanks for the responses. I'm clueless with some of this stuff.

Or just to gauge your reaction.

CTGirl
08-23-2006, 04:00 PM
I think it's impossible for anyone (including her possibly) to know exactly what her motivations are in what she's saying to you.

I think the important thing in all of this is that it sounds like the 2 of you are attempting to date other people while still not over one another, and this sort of thing will continue as long as you feel that way.

ATLWill
08-23-2006, 04:00 PM
she could also be wanting to see if she's made out better than you have

Exactly. She wants to compare herself to his current girlfriend.

If the current girlfriend has a lot to offer and she feels threatened, then she will most likely try and get him back.

Play up the other woman, and your ex will be all yours.

She needs the external validation of other women to make a decision about you. I would run like Hell from her.

Jman06
08-23-2006, 04:01 PM
I think it's impossible for anyone (including her possibly) to know exactly what her motivations are in what she's saying to you.

I think the important thing in all of this is that it sounds like the 2 of you are attempting to date other people while still not over one another, and this sort of thing will continue as long as you feel that way.


You are right

ATLWill
08-23-2006, 04:05 PM
You are right

But it doesn't sound like she was crushed about the break-up, as she continues to dominate the current conversations.

Her intentions aren't noble. She broke up with you once. It will happen again.

wordsmith
08-23-2006, 04:15 PM
Exactly. She wants to compare herself to his current girlfriend.

If the current girlfriend has a lot to offer and she feels threatened, then she will most likely try and get him back.

Play up the other woman, and your ex will be all yours.

She needs the external validation of other women to make a decision about you. I would run like Hell from her.

Interesting.

Were I the female in this situation, and were I interested in getting back with the guy, the reverse would be the case with me.

I'd be checking to see if the current options aren't all that, and if they weren't, figure I had an in. If the guy seemed to have a prospect I didn't feel I could compete with, I'd move on, b/c I don't do the competing for a guy thing. If I felt the current girl was no realy competition, though, I'd stick around. I wouldn't stick around to lose, though. So if he played up the other woman, I wouldn't be his, I'd pack it in and move on out.

But that's just me.

ATLWill
08-23-2006, 04:19 PM
Were I the female in this situation, and were I interested in getting back with the guy, the reverse would be the case with me.

Even if you did the breaking up?

What I am reading between the lines is that she broke up with him, found a new guy, but now she isn't so sure that her new guy is anything better. As a result, she is trying to see who he is now dating, compare herself to the other woman, and then determine whether breaking up with him was a mistake.

WorkInProgress
08-23-2006, 04:20 PM
Nah, that would be me too. (And, um, sort of has been. But not recently. And only sort of.) But this isn't really surprising news.

wordsmith
08-23-2006, 04:26 PM
Even if you did the breaking up?

What I am reading between the lines is that she broke up with him, found a new guy, but now she isn't so sure that her new guy is anything better. As a result, she is trying to see who he is now dating, compare herself to the other woman, and then determine whether breaking up with him was a mistake.

Nah, that's why it's a hypothetical. I actually wouldn't be the girl in this sitch, in the first place...because I NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER break up with somebody unless there is no hope of anything there. I've actually never been in this situation, because a. I've rarely broken up and b. when I have, it's been because I truly DID NOT want to be with the person for very solid reasons, not because I still kinda liked them, but wanted to see what else was out there. So I've never had regrets, never wanted somebody back, never felt like I made a mistake. If I have feelings for somebody, I don't break up with them. Never have. So I wouldn't be this girl. If I have feelings for you, I'm not breaking up.

CTGirl
08-23-2006, 04:51 PM
The way I see it, if two ex'es want to stay friends, there needs to be some space for a while in order to get over any feelings that may exist between the two. Then there can be a total avoidance of all this mess. That's what I've learned in my limited experience of dating and breaking up.

Yeah, same here, you've gotta back off for a while to get over the feelings, and then if you still want to do the "just friends" thing after that, it's more healthy then

Jman06
08-23-2006, 05:12 PM
I'm reading over he emails and its just making me angry. Like she puts exclamination points after "i cant wait so see him", "things are going good". I just want to say STFU and leave me alone with this BS. If shes trying to make me jealous its not working. Its making me angry. I wish someone would read this to her.

CTGirl
08-23-2006, 05:13 PM
I'm reading over he emails and its just making me angry. Like she puts exclamination points after "i cant wait so see him", "things are going good". I just want to say STFU and leave me alone with this BS. If shes trying to make me jealous its not working. Its making me angry. I wish someone would read this to her.

lol, sounds like you need to stop emailing with her.

Kitty
08-23-2006, 05:17 PM
This situation sounds really messed up.

If you still have feelings for each other even while you're dating other people, you seriously need to stop talking to each other. That's not fair to the other people you're dating, or fair to yourselves - it seems like you're just prolonging getting over each other or something.

SmilesSoSweet
08-23-2006, 06:51 PM
Exes should never remain friends. Or at least friends that constantly email each other all the time.

I say if you really like your current gf, then cut all ties with your ex. You're not doing anything good for yourself and for your gf either by still keeping in contact with the ex.

ATLWill
08-23-2006, 07:16 PM
Exes should never remain friends.

Exactly.

It is very rare when both people want to break-up.

As a result, it's best for both parties to move on.

beeblebrox
08-23-2006, 08:21 PM
Exes should never remain friends. Or at least friends that constantly email each other all the time.

I say if you really like your current gf, then cut all ties with your ex. You're not doing anything good for yourself and for your gf either by still keeping in contact with the ex.

that's the problem that I've been having lately because his ex was a little too present this week when his parents were in town. It made me uncomfortable especially when she got controlling and overbearing which nearly left me out of spending time with my bf and his family. I agree, no contact is the best thing because it really interferes with the current relationship.

Jman06
08-24-2006, 09:19 AM
Well looks like she is fishing. Seems like she is trying to size up my new girl and now after I told her about her and the other 2 girls i want to ask out she said she was single again on myspace the same day. She put up in a relationship to make me jealous.

Also we are both just dating others so were still available.

Chameleon
08-24-2006, 09:38 AM
Stay away from this chick. Pretending to be enamoured with another guy isn't the most mature way to communicate that you still have feelings for your ex. That's just cruel and unnecessary. You won't be able to make an untainted connection with another girl if she's still around pestering you about what's going on in your life, which sounds like what she wants anyway.

You need to let her go. It really is okay not to be friends with an ex, even if it's just for 3 months, ESPECIALLY if they are trying to toy with your emotions and/or sabotage your love life.

Krishna
08-24-2006, 09:54 AM
Stay away from this chick.

Agreed. To quote Monty Python, "run away, run away!"

CTGirl
08-24-2006, 01:14 PM
Agreed.

Just think about it this way: say you meet some really awesome girl tomorrow, one who's totally perfect for you, how is she gonna feel about this bullshit with your ex? Do you want to risk losing out on a great relationship because your stupid ex is still harrassing you?

kipper
08-25-2006, 12:52 PM
I'm still friends with my ex and we broke up a year and a half ago. Sometimes it's okay and sometimes I''d prefer not to think that he is single now and I'm just the friend.

hoodie
08-25-2006, 01:23 PM
I agree with all sentiments telling you to run like hell.

Admittedly, she's making you mad, so her motives matter very little here. What does matter is how it's affecting you. If you are angry and upset, you need to get away from this girl cold turkey for awhile. Who cares if she's trying to make you jealous, is competing with you, or simply has her head up her ass and thinks that talking about your sigs will make you better friends? Any of those options shows a person handling the situation either stupidly, selfishly, or both. Run, run, run, and don't email/call/contact her again until you don't really care about her but simply are curious how she's doing (read: NOT who she's dating).

beeblebrox
08-25-2006, 09:38 PM
Agreed.

Just think about it this way: say you meet some really awesome girl tomorrow, one who's totally perfect for you, how is she gonna feel about this bullshit with your ex? Do you want to risk losing out on a great relationship because your stupid ex is still harrassing you?

wow, that explains how the whole ex involved in my current relationship. I just hope that we have no contact with her for a long time. I hope that she got the message that her presence is not welcome in my life or my life with my bf.