Meeting people and dating

[dleab617]

One of the hardest things about being being out of school is meeting people...dating prospects with comon interests, ect. It is even harder when you are a bit shy. It is funny...I don't think I was this shy in through school.

Anyone want to share some ideas on fun and safe ways to meet people. I want my circle to grow!

Lea

[Unregistered]

I know exactly what you mean, Lea. Here I am in a new neighborhood, working 40-hr weeks, surrounded by older folks all day. I found that if you want to meet others with similar interests, the best way is to just keep doing what you like to do. Enjoy clubbing? Go clubbing. Enjoy hiking? Go hiking. Enjoy stargazing? Go take an astronomy class at a local community college. Those you meet doing these activities will, surprisingly, already have a common interest with you!

[Unregistered]

Cooking classes are supposed to be good places to meet people
Yoga or some kind of exercise class.
Volunteering (an even if you don't meet anyone, you are doing something good with your time)

[crazy_girl]

Joining things is by far the best way to meet people. I joined an Under 40s group for women in my town and I'm meeting people that way.

I didn't have much luck with Yoga. Most of the women just showed up at class sat there looking pensive and deep for the ten minutes before and left as soon as it was up. All attempts at conversation were nipped in the bud. Love yoga but I hate the yoga snobs.

[Unregistered]

Hey- it's the yoga poster here
I actually did make one of the few new friends I have at yoga. But I think you're right- some groups are going to take themselves way too seriously.
I've been out of school and working for 2 years and in that time I've tried a lot of stuff- most of it didn't yield any friendships. I did crew for a little while, and everybody was just so into rowing and took it so seriously, that it became a real drag. Given a different group of people I think I would have liked it a lot more.
I also volunteered, which was worth doing in itself. I used to live in DC and I know they had an organizaitn called single volunteers or something to that effect. People who did it said it was fun and not too meat-markety. If you're in a larger metropolitan area, there might be something of the same nature.

[Unregistered]

For volunteering, SV is great in DC. I've found that they also have like these spin-off groups, through their classifieds and I've met great people that way. Great networking. If you're Jewish, Mitzvah Makers is great. I've met nice people and guys there and yes, good-looking too! HOnestly, I think there are no rules when it comes to where to meet people, I've met people in the most uncommon ways.

[Unregistered]

I am two years out of school in a new town and work in a small company where everybody is twice my age. We all know bars are bad places to meet people and I am at the gym daily, but it is not like you can just walk up to a woman and start a conversation without her thinking you are some kind of nut, it is intensely awkward. I think the advice about doing the things you like to do and being patient and probably your best bets. Your certainly not alone with this problem. At school we were surrounded by people our age, out here in the world we are just surrounded by people. Keep your chin up, something will happen eventually.

[Unregistered]

Well folks I just found this site, and I am having the same problem. I moved to a town where I don't know anyone, don't know where to meet anyone and am getting discouraged. My friends are Ross, Rachel, Joey, Monica, and Feebe. This is just kind of sad. I do the things I like, but this includes hiking and I either meet up with friends from school or go solo, so it is no help. Any advice would be welcome.

[narbie]

Try asking at your local outdoor shop ie Sport Chalet or REI if there are any hiking clubs. I love soccer and rugby, so I went to my local soccer shop and found two teams to play with and am having a blast and meeting new people who have my same interests.

[CAT11]

I have just recently found that my social circle has changed and the people I used to be close to I can't even relate to anymore.
I think meeting friends and finding love interests always happen when you least expect it. If you are portraying being needy, clingly, desperate, people are less likely to respond, even the ones you have always counted on. Funny how that works.
Inner peace helps.

[scorpstar]

Most mid- to large-sized cities also have some sort of young professionals organization. Or the taking classes thing - painting, yoga, skiing, interior decorating, or if you have a pet, obedience school (no, really, I'm serious!). Book clubs and outdoor clubs are good as well. I also want to take issue with the "you can't meet good people in bars" myth - it's true, they are often meat markets, but you shouldn't be totally closed-minded. I have met a few really great guys in bars who are now a part of my circle of friends.

[Unregistered]

believe me, i know what you're going through. i just got out of a six year relationship. i live in a small town. there isn't much here besides the military base that i work at and the small college that i attended as an undergrad.
right after my breakup i read a book called First Person Singular, don't recall the author. basically it's a book about how to put your life back together after a divorce (okay so i'm not divorced, but six years is a long time). anyway, this book had a chapter about how to meet people later in life. the author was pretty brutal about it. his take: if you want to meet people, you have to go to the places that other singles frequent, even if you don't like them and even if it means forcing yourself. i tried to take this to heart. believe me, i've found every beer special in town. mondays is pizza and pitcher night, tuesdays is 50 cent drafts, wednesdays is shrimp and pitcher night, thursdays is karaoke...you get the picture. i'll say this, you can meet people, but you have a hard time getting beyond simple conversation. and many of them are just at different places in their lives, you lack something in common. while you went off to school and got two degrees, they got married, had two children and got a divorce. it took me a while, but i've basically given up all hope of meeting people in bars.
my next theory? common interests, as some of the other posters have stated. i was always into martial arts as a kid, so i tracked down my old karate association and signed up for a session. i've met a few women in there, but they all seem to be more intent on cleaning my clock then getting to know me. perhaps i just picked the wrong activity. i had toyed with the yoga idea, but there are just some things i'm not willing to do. my next two theories: philosophy classes at the college and sailing classes at the base.
oh and another thing that is an utter waste of time: online dating services. i have profiles on all of them, and believe me, i do mean all of them. it's a complete waste of money. half of the people on them don't pay for the service, so you write them emails, but they never have the opportunity to read them. sure, they know you've written them, but honestly, how good would someone have to look before you'd be willing to spend 25 dollars of your hard-earned just to talk to them? well the same goes. every once in awhile i get through to somebody who has paid, but there's never any spark. and then there are the people who are just trying to steal your credit card number...it's depressing.

[MissKitty]

Proximity is probably the best way to meet decent people. That hot guy who rides your bus or that pretty girl who you always seem to run into during lunch...strike up a conversation! Throw out a complement, comment on the weather, introduce yourself, anything!
Vounteer, take a class, get involved in something that will open up your world to new people.
Most cities have free papers with event listings. Go to a free concert in the park, or a wine tasting, or the local Irish/Itallian/whatever festival, try out a new restraunt or theatre. Strike up a conversation with someone in a coffee shop or bookstore. Don't be afraid! Go somewhere that offers something that you have an interest in. Part of meeting people is just getting out there and being seen. I agree that clubs and bars are not the best places to meet quality people.
Also, what about friends of friends or family? It's not a bad idea since the person already comes with a referance. A friend was always telling me about how I would totally hit it off with her older brother. Not only did we hit it off, but I married him!
Don't worry about being shy. I have always been outgoing but since graduating college, I've sort of clammed up. I perfer to think of it as being mysterious, not shy. ;)
~MissKitty