The Singles Irony

[airpezman]

Here is what I find so ironic about being single: Other people will tell you the following two statements.


1. " Oh sweetie. you absolutely have no idea or control when you are going to meet THE ONE... I mean it can just happen when you're not even thinking about it and you really truly can meet your match anywhere.... it could happen to anyone anywhere anytime.... you'll be fine but do not focus on it... you just shouldn't think about it"


KEY WORDS: ANYWHERE, ANYTIME.


2. People enjoy using the following phrase, "Oh that's really not a place you're going to meet someone..." or "Well if you mean for a quick night of fun, but to meet THE ONE, naw... not a good place"

KEY WORDS: NOT A GOOD PLACE


OBSERVATION: While some people claim on one hand that you can meet the ONE practically anywhere, these same people enjoy creating a list of places that "you really can't meet someone there" OR "not a real good place to meet someone". It appears conflicting to be telling someone both pieces of advice.


Maybe, we should create a list and send a memo out to all the singles of "Places that you really can't meet someone at " and also "Places: not a real good place to meet someone"

I'll start the list of places that I have been told...are NOT good places..

1. Grocery Store: People just want to do their shopping. They don't want to be bothered.

2. Night Club: Everyone, 100%, is looking for a 1 night stand. It can't be more.

3. Bar: People are out there with their friends. They are getting sick and tired of being hit on. Anyway, who has a long relationship from a bar?? Maybe a one night stand...

4. Gym: Oh people aren't about meeting matches there... it's about working out and sweating... getting in and getting out... MAYBE it can happen but probally not a good place.

5. Buses/Trains (in a city): Oh people have their ipods on and are so focused on just getting to work. They don't want a RANDOM hitting on them or striking a conversation.

6. Vacations: Oh people are there just to have a good time for the week. Maybe you can meet someone to hang out with for just that week... but nothing more... they are probally from far away... not practical or likely...

BLAH BLAH BLAH



PEZ

[LaFille]

1. Grocery Store: People just want to do their shopping. They don't want to be bothered.


there's a grocery store near me that's got more single people than match.com, and i really get the feeling people go there to meet people. now, i also live in western new york, where we don't have a lot to do, but i'm just saying i wouldn't discount anywhere.

i agree with both of those generalized statements... to a certain extent. it is the unfortunate truth that you often find someone great when you are not 'looking'... which is highly inconvenient when you are looking, but still. i guess my point is that in a club setting (which is where i assume people are telling you that you'll never meet someone) everyone is looking for everyone else... you're totally bombarded and consequently 'looking' the entire time.

[Will]

I think the general idea of this is that there are plenty of places where you can meet someone. However, this idea of meeting someone is random and unforced. The idea where you'll meet someone at the train station and the two of you will notice some sort of instant connection. Sounds daft but it can happen. There are no rules to where you could meet someone special. The unfortunate truth is that it's just very very rare.

However, it doesn't mean that you can hit on someone/anyone in any place and in any random circumstance. More often than not people do not wish to be bothered by others whilst they are involved in their everday routine/activites.

[wordsmith]

You can do things to improve your odds, true, but at the same time, it's really just a crap shoot.

[Jersey_Steve]

http://darktelepath.livejournal.com/4774.html

There's my old old old LJ entry on statements people give you about finding someone. Granted, it was written back when I was single couple years back... but still pertains to the conversation I think.

Don't listen to other people, they don't want to help you. They want you to shut up so they don't feel bad they have someone and you don't.

[PenforPrez]

I never get told any of that. Then again, where I live, advice would be pointless and everybody knows it. There's just no single people in my little rural corner.

At my new job, I am the ONLY single person. I'm not kidding. Maybe 30 or 40 people work at this hotel I'm at, and I'm the only single person. Try that feeling on for size. :googly: Then again, whenever I go into St. Louis, it's the same story, just more people.

I think I need to just wear a big sign saying "SINGLE" around my neck and be done with it. :huge:

Paul

[wordsmith]

I never get told any of that. Then again, where I live, advice would be pointless and everybody knows it. There's just no single people in my little rural corner.

Paul

Same here...it's kinda funny, because some places, if you're an online dater, you get the "Oh...you meet people...online..." thing, delivered in the same tone as one would use to say, "Oh...you have sex with prison inmates." But here, it's like, "Oh, well OBVIOUSLY you online date...of course...you'd kind of have to."

[PenforPrez]

Same here...it's kinda funny, because some places, if you're an online dater, you get the "Oh...you meet people...online..." thing, delivered in the same tone as one would use to say, "Oh...you have sex with prison inmates." But here, it's like, "Oh, well OBVIOUSLY you online date...of course...you'd kind of have to."

I was talking to a friend of mine at work last week about that. She was telling me about a double date her and her boyfriend did with a friend of hers, and the friend brought an online date from a small town WAY up in the Ozarks.

The term my friend used to describe her friend's online date was "douchebag." But her tone sounded like she expected that because her friend met him online. Never mind he's from way up in the hills, the other fact made him guilty to her. *sigh*

Paul

[wordsmith]

Hah, not so, here. It's pretty common knowledge that there's nobody to date, to speak of.

[PenforPrez]

Hah, not so, here. It's pretty common knowledge that there's nobody to date, to speak of.

Same story here. Everybody knows it's a dating dead pool out here. But online dating still gets a lot of scoffs and raised eyebrows. People are all like: "There's lots of WEIRD people on there!" Yeah, I know. I'M on the Internet. What's their point? ;)

Paul

[wordsmith]

Funny, the internet is actually where I go to AVOID having to settle for dates with Larry the Cable Guy doppelgangers. :rolleyes:

I think dating locally (and thereby involving the aforementioned demographic) would actually raise more eyebrows.

[airpezman]

But .... since I know people say "oh sweetie, that is NOT a good place to meet someone..... and if we assume that THIS IS TRUE that there are some spots that are NOT good places to meet someone.

Begin a list of the the BEST PLACES to meet someone that when you tell your friends... they reply "Oh WOW that is a WONDERFUL spot to meet someone"


PEZ


START THE LIST!!!

Amazing Places to Meet Someone List:

[gypsy26]

SEC football games. Plenty of drunks guys yelling, "Hey Baby! Come on over here!! Whooo hoooo!!!" Don't you know that got me going?

[littledancerus]

At my new job, I am the ONLY single person. I'm not kidding. Maybe 30 or 40 people work at this hotel I'm at, and I'm the only single person. Try that feeling on for size. :googly: Then again, whenever I go into St. Louis, it's the same story, just more people.

I think I need to just wear a big sign saying "SINGLE" around my neck and be done with it. :huge:

Haha, I'm the only single person at my work too! I'm the only one who goes home to no one. I'm kinda not looking forward to the holliday party because everyone brings their spouses & I'll be bored by myself.

[PenforPrez]

Haha, I'm the only single person at my work too! I'm the only one who goes home to no one.

Could be worse. You could go home to a stranger every night. :idea: I'd much rather go home to nobody every day than a different stranger. :googly:

Paul

[and1grad]

You can do things to improve your odds, true, but at the same time, it's really just a crap shoot.
Don't listen to other people, they don't want to help you. They want you to shut up so they don't feel bad they have someone and you don't.
These are the only two things I believe now. I dont buy that bogus "...when you're not looking" bullshit. When I'm not looking? That pretty much means I'm already spoken for. It also doesnt make much sense to automatically discount certain places b/c "people arent looking for relationships." I go to those places. What...b/c I'm looking for a box of Cap'n Crunch, I cant be bothered by some sexy stranger? I might take my cereal seriously but come on. :googly:

[LaFille]

Don't listen to other people, they don't want to help you. They want you to shut up so they don't feel bad they have someone and you don't.


i hate naysayers too, but i totally disagree with this statement. i have heard some of these pieces of advice or encouragement or whatever from my grandmother and own mother to both myself and siblings. you're trying to tell me my grandmother is thrilled that she gets to lord her relationship with gramps over me? what?

yeah, it sucks when people are always trying to give advice, and some of the people giving it suck too. but sometimes these words are offered in sincerity.

and to be honest, i don't hear a lot of people going around saying 'you'll never meet someone there...' i think it's true there are some places where it is less likely that you will meet a relationship-seeking person, but most people know things can truly happen unexpectedly.

[Winter Storm]

START THE LIST!!!

Amazing Places to Meet Someone List:

I cannot think of ONE place that is a guaranteed great place to meet someone.

The only real relationship I've ever ended up in, I met him at my job working at a pizza joint and that lasted 8 years.

I've met guys on online dating sites, Myspace, Frienster, through friends and setups, at the mall, bars, dance clubs, bookstores, on the street and school and though I got plenty of dates and made a few cool friends, none has lead to a 2nd real relationship.

I honestly don't believe it is where you meet someone. I think making a connection with someone is more of timing and total random, dumb luck.

I do believe that you cannot go out looking for love, it kinda has to just find you...or not.

[wordsmith]

Rodeos. Hah. True story.

[zen_mistress]

A dating book I read , the woman author wrote that finding the right mate is indeed, a rare event. It might be perhaps one in a hundred possible mates that you might want to have a relationship with. Or, one in two hundred even. One in five hundred if you are really fussy.

So it stands to reason that it would help to meet 100 people in your demograph of preference, or 200...

So I guess to make up all of these numbers many avenues would have to be tried.

of course it would help if you were feeling confident within yourself etc so that you feel ok about putting yourself out there in sucha manner

Me, Im not. So, Im not trying. But one day I will perhaps try again.

[sundaycomics]

3. Bar: People are out there with their friends. They are getting sick and tired of being hit on. Anyway, who has a long relationship from a bar?? Maybe a one night stand...



My in-laws met at a bar. They've been married 30 years.

[GoogleGirl]

yea, I met my bf at a bar. Granted, it's only been 7 months, but who knows where it might go. He's pretty serious about the relationship.

[wordsmith]

Repeating for the ten millionth time...my parents met at a bar...one my mom had sneaked into at age 20, no less. They got engaged about six weeks later and just celebrated their 34th wedding anniversary.

[wordsmith]

Yup. They were engaged for a long time, though. My dad was going into the army (Vietnam era), and, as my mom says now, wanted to put something symbolic out there when he left for training and all. Wouldn't be for me, but it worked for them, at the time, with the climate as it was.

[CTGirl]

I honestly don't believe it is where you meet someone. I think making a connection with someone is more of timing and total random, dumb luck.

I do believe that you cannot go out looking for love, it kinda has to just find you...or not.

Agreed, I think it's silly to think that there are these magical places where you can be sure to meet great people to date. I've met guys in all different situations (even dated my cable repair guy for a little while, lol) and I strongly believe that it's about you, not your location.

I also agree with the whole "not when you're looking for it" thing. As silly as it sounds, the grain of truth to that is that when you're desperately trying to find someone to date, it's just not gonna happen most likely. In my experience, you tend to find the great dating opportunities when you're a little more laid-back about it and mostly just being happy with yourself and your situation. Of course as long as your'e single, there will be a part of you that is "looking," but things'll work much better when you're not trying too hard to force it.

[wordsmith]

I agree...I think that for singles, unless you've got no interest in being in a relationship and have made a committed choice of singlehood (like some of my dad's confirmed bachelor friends), you're to an extent ALWAYS "looking," in that you're always open to whatever possibility comes your way, so to say, "It happens when you're not looking" is misleading, since most single people are always looking, to one degree or another, if they are interested in being in a relationship, at least. But I do get that what people mean with that is don't focus, obsess, wrap your head up in the be-all, end-allness of finding that ultimate relationship/person. Be open to the possiblity, but not obsessed with finding somebody.

Being part of a couple should complement your life if it happens, not ruin your life if it doesn't.

[CTGirl]

Being part of a couple should complement your life if it happens, not ruin your life if it doesn't.

Oh, I like this, well said!

[LaFille]

I also agree with the whole "not when you're looking for it" thing. As silly as it sounds, the grain of truth to that is that when you're desperately trying to find someone to date, it's just not gonna happen most likely. In my experience, you tend to find the great dating opportunities when you're a little more laid-back about it and mostly just being happy with yourself and your situation. Of course as long as your'e single, there will be a part of you that is "looking," but things'll work much better when you're not trying too hard to force it.


i totally agree. i don't know why everyone is so against this idea, but in my experiences this has been completely true. i think, at least for me, that when i am 'looking,' i tend to be looking for someone i think i need, someone to fit a mold i already have in mind... but when i am not really looking, i am blindsided by someone even better than i had imagined...

of course there are exceptions, but i think this is just one of the cruelties of single life...

[cache]

A dating book I read , the woman author wrote that finding the right mate is indeed, a rare event. It might be perhaps one in a hundred possible mates that you might want to have a relationship with. Or, one in two hundred even. One in five hundred if you are really fussy.

So it stands to reason that it would help to meet 100 people in your demograph of preference, or 200...

"You know, I'd like to go on a date with you, but you are only number 67..can you come back after I have met 32 more people??

[enigma]

It might be perhaps one in a hundred possible mates that you might want to have a relationship with. Or, one in two hundred even. One in five hundred if you are really fussy.

So it stands to reason that it would help to meet 100 people in your demograph of preference, or 200...

But things can get REALLY tricky when you do find that one in 500 person, and they are not interested in having a relationship with you...

Statistically speaking, does does this if two people have that 'one in 500 philosophy' that you have to meet 250,000 people in order to find 'the one'? :rolleyes:

Seems much more than a needle-in-a-haystack...

[ScottyTheBody]

I'd like to believe the "it will happen when you stop looking..." mentality, and you know what it might work for some women, but for most men, I have my doubts.

[wordsmith]

I'm skeptical that anybody (well, most people) actually DOES stop looking.

[CTGirl]

But things can get REALLY tricky when you do find that one in 500 person, and they are not interested in having a relationship with you...

Statistically speaking, does does this if two people have that 'one in 500 philosophy' that you have to meet 250,000 people in order to find 'the one'? :rolleyes:

Seems much more than a needle-in-a-haystack...

If that person isn't interested in a relationship with you, then that person is NOT your "one in 500" person.

[PenforPrez]

I'm confused about this "demograph of preference" bit. I'm assuming that's what we're looking for in a partner, but seems to me, it should be more than that.

Paul

[ScottyTheBody]

I'm skeptical that anybody (well, most people) actually DOES stop looking.

That's true.