Is It Supposed to Hurt This Much?

[lovesoon1207]

My boyfriend and I recently broke up and it hurts so much.We were together almost a year and now it's over.I've never been through a breakup before.He was my first love.So I have no idea what a breakup is like.For me,sometimes my body aches and it feels like I have the flu or something.Is this normal?When I wake up in the morning,it feels like I have been hit by a bus.It's so hard to get going.

Sometimes I am fine and other times it hits me that it's over.I used to call him after I left work and go to his house.Now it feels so weird not to be doing that.It's moments like that,that I realize what we had is gone.

We broke up because he has to deal with some personal issues that were affecting our relationship.I was caught off guard when we had to break up.We had a good relationship overall.And I am so sad that it's over.I miss what we had.I am not ready to be single again.

It hasn't even been a week yet so I'm really hurting.I want to call him but I think that would only make it worse.From what other people have told me and what I have read,no contact is the best way to go.But how am I supposed to do that?This was a person I shared everything with and to do the complete opposite is not easy.

This breakup is also affecting my work life.I notice that I'm not as productive and that I'm not keeping up with my work.I just have a hard time doing work when I feel so hurt.Working has been good because it's provided a distraction but in other ways I feel like I can't keep up.

In the mornings,I feel it the worst.The first thought in my head is that we're no longer together.It feels so empty.

I'm hoping you guys can help me.I've been reading past posts and everyone has such good advice.I know I should keep busy.Find other hobbies and such.But I still feel the pain.It's hard for me to imagine the pain not hurting as much.

[PenforPrez]

Breakups hurt. Very badly. That's the best way to sum that up.

It usually takes a few months (or more) to really get over a serious long-term relationship that ends in a breakup. It depends on how deeply invested you were emotionally, and it sounds like you really were.

I wish I had a magic cure, but there is no cure for a heartache. It has to heal itself. Until then, you just have to roll with the punches. You won't wake up one morning to suddenly discover you don't hurt anymore. But the pain does get better slowly over time. You'll eventually realize it just doesn't matter anymore. It's called "closure."

No contact is the best way to go. If you see him and talk to him, you'll want to get back with him, and the pain will only continue and never abate. Don't call him, just let him be. It is very hard when somewhere you trusted with your darkest secrets is suddenly no longer there. It's a very frightening prospect, but you soon learn there's no reason to worry about it.

You should embrace your new singleness. Go out with friends. Have a good time. If you don't have friends to do things with, take your newfound free time and make some friends. I should take my own advice on that one.

Just don't sit around the house and mope. Figure out something fun to do, and do it. The sooner you get out there, the sooner the cycle will circle back around, and the sooner you'll find happiness with someone else.

Hope this helps. :)

Paul

[lovesoon1207]

Thank you for responding.I just needed to hear that it's normal.I can't wait for the day in which I have some closure.I wish it were 6 months from now instead of it just being barely a week.

I haven't wanted to do anything.But I understand finding something fun to do.Maybe tomorrow I'll go out and do something.

Thanks once again for the advice.

[PenforPrez]

Thank you for responding.I just needed to hear that it's normal.

You're normal. You're fine; you're being an emotionally healthy human being. :)

But I understand finding something fun to do.Maybe tomorrow I'll go out and do something.

That's what I'm doing Wednesday. Just hang out all day and forget what bothers me. I'm treating myself to celebrate my new job, etc. I never realized how healthy getting out of the house is until I couldn't afford to. :googly:


Thanks once again for the advice.

We're always here to help. :)

Paul

[Kitty]

I think the first time you go through a major break-up it is really hard and devastating because it's the first time you're experiencing anything like it. After I went through my first huge break-up and felt devastated for months, the second one was a little bit easier because at least I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how bad it hurts, you WILL get over it and time will heal you. Even if it doesnt seem possible now, time really does make it all easier. In a few weeks you'll feel better, and in a few months even better...it gets easier. Just take comfort knowing that it DOES get better and that your feelings are temporary.

[wordsmith]

For me, breakups are ALWAYS awful...doesn't matter if it's the first breakup, number 15, if the guy was a price or a genuine asshat. Breakups are always hurtful, difficult, and painful.

Time makes it fade. Maybe not completely go away, but fade. I don't think you always necessarily heal completely, scars typically remain. But time does fade things.

[springhaze]

I went through what you're going through in February. My ex and I had been together for about 10 months at that point, I was pretty much caught off guard, his personal issues contributed heavily to the breakup (but wasn't the cause, however)....the list goes on. It *does* get better. I was pretty miserable for about a month and a half, and probably would have been for longer if I hadn't met a wonderful guy by chance who was a great friend when I was hurting and then...more :) My new boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months now and the pain and anguish of the breakup seems like just a hazy bad dream at this point. But right now, it's raw, it hurts, and that's okay- it's supposed to right now. Just let this run its course but make an effort not to let it rule your entire life...hobbies and stuff, anything to keep busy. *hugs.*

[Deni81]

For me, breakups are ALWAYS awful...doesn't matter if it's the first breakup, number 15, if the guy was a price or a genuine asshat. Breakups are always hurtful, difficult, and painful.

Time makes it fade. Maybe not completely go away, but fade. I don't think you always necessarily heal completely, scars typically remain. But time does fade things.

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up almost 4 months ago and I am not completely back to normal yet. I have to agree with Words, for me breakups are always painful. This is my 3rd break-up and it hurts more than the first 2. I only dated the guy for 9.5 months but I deeply loved him.

Time heals all wounds. I am doing much better today than the first weeks afterward. What can you do in the meantime? Spend time with friends, family and don't stay at home alone for long periods of time. Exercise, start a new hobby, journal.

PM me if you need anything

[MetFanL]

Break-ups are NEVER easy. When I first broke up with the last guy I dated, I was also physically ill. I cried until I was sick and then I cried until I slept. Then, I woke up and did it all over again.

Call your friends. They'll be there for you. Keep busy and try to avoid spending too much time alone. That really got me through those first few weeks.

And, like I've preached on here a million other times, buy "It's called a break-up because it's broken." Read it. Then, read it again. Then do what it says. It's helped me a TON.

We're always here if you need to chat. We all know how hard it is.

[GoogleGirl]

I think the first time you go through a major break-up it is really hard and devastating because it's the first time you're experiencing anything like it. After I went through my first huge break-up and felt devastated for months, the second one was a little bit easier because at least I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how bad it hurts, you WILL get over it and time will heal you. Even if it doesnt seem possible now, time really does make it all easier. In a few weeks you'll feel better, and in a few months even better...it gets easier. Just take comfort knowing that it DOES get better and that your feelings are temporary.


completely agreed. Try being in a 3.5 yr relationship (from the week after high school graduation to 1st semester senior in college), thinking about marriage, and getting dumped on the phone. My ex was my first love and omg I was in such HORRIBLE pain for months. Funny thing is, I met my current bf the night after my ex broke up with me and I went get totally plastered with some friends of mine. Most people on this forum have been there. I suggest NO CONTACT for at least several months. It's been nearly a year since the split, and I have just recently begun to talk to my ex (on friendly terms). Time does wonders. And my current bf is so sweet and loving. You never know what may happen of being single for a while. It helps. I promise, and most people can attest to this, it will be ok.

[lovesoon1207]

Thanks everyone for the kind words.I am feeling much better.I think I'm appreciating my new single status.I thought it wouldn't get any better but it has.I'm looking back on my relationship and I realized not everything was perfect.When I think of those moments,it just makes me realize that I deserve better.So,I'm better off without him.

Thanks everyone for sharing their break up stories.You are a great group of people.