timeout or game over?

[sillycon]

I was grad student dating a classmate; we graduated a few months ago. We started dating a few months before the end of school and hit it off well. We’ve been seeing each other regularly, but our schedules have been packed with school, job hunting, and in my case, a new job. He has been looking for a job but is having a harder time finding one. Looking for a job can turn into a full-time job, and his frustration and anxiety have grown steadily. There are bills to pay and other classmates have already found work. He prefers to work locally but may move away.

Our dates have been great, we always seem to have fun, and we kiss and hug. But during the past couple I got the cold shoulder. He has been distant and reluctant to go out.

Last week I got a note explaining the situation. He says he likes me and wants our friendship to grow, but he cannot move forward until he settles his personal matters and finds a job.

The big question is what do I make of this? Is he calling for a timeout to settle his career? Can I still see him in the meantime? Or is this really the end; is he setting me up for the break-up? What are the chances of restarting the relationship when he’s ready? Relocating is not an issue for me since my job can take me anywhere. What do I tell him to be supportive?

Help! Thanks!

[spokes]

the cynic in me sez this is a spin on the classic "it's not you it's me".....

since you have dated for a couple of months has he given you any hint of what the personal issues are?

[CTGirl]

Sounds like he's feeling overwhelmed with all this career/school stuff and just doesn't have time for you right now. I'd say, shw some support for what he's going through, and ask him if this means he wants to break up, or if he just needs more space for a while. The two of you are in a big transition phase, so you should be aware of the possibility that he just might move away and the whole thing will be over.

I would back off a bit, and wait and see what he does/where he goes. If he stays there and gets a job and wants to continue dating, then great, if he ends up moving away, you should be prepared for that too.

[sillycon]

Thanks for the feedback.

I guess I'll cool it for a bit, but be supportive. It's frustrating to send our dozens of resumes and get dozens of rejections. Who he is is closely tied to his career, and people are telling him he is nothing right now. After a while, you begin to doubt yourself.

I'm commited to folllowing him, so I hope he likes my company. :)