My dad...

[Krissy2006]

Alright well, for all of you "daddies girls" out there, you probably won't be able to relate to this post, b/c its not about being a daddies girl, but more so about how to handle my dad, when he says insensitive things, that I don't even think he REALIZES, are insensitive. Last night my fam and I went out for dinner, well I watch what I eat yes, the rest of my family does not, I already have anxiety around food and social settings, and when I ordered my salad and grilled chicken, my dad kept saying "is that all your getting"? ur going to be full?, thats going to fill you? He must have asked me 10 times, I Just kept saying "yes dad this is what I wanted leave it alone" Now the thing with my fahter is first he doesn't understand eating healthy, b/c he doesn't and I don't think ever has, neither does he understand my anxiety. So now this post is directed towards my father, but I'm sure some ppl out there have encountered ppl who nag you for what you eat/don't eat, and how do you deal with them? My father for me, isn't a big deal b/c I"m not afraid to tell him to pipe down, but do you ever think a person is justified is saying something to yoU? IF not, how do you handle the situatioN?

[Starsailor]

I think a person is justified in talking to you about your eating habits if they're genuinely worried (and have valid reason to be) that something might be wrong and I think you are justified in responding. The person's role in your life factors in too, in whether it's their place to voice their opinions in the first place and how you reply. My dad and I aren't close so if he said something like that to me, I'd tell him to mind his own business, he barely knows me and is hardly in a position to care.

[pisces2473]

My dad has OCD, meaning he often cannot let go of a topic or question, and keeps harping on people. I just have learned over the years to tune it out. I love my dad a lot, but his behavior was the main reason I moved out after college. I couldn't take it, it was driving me crazy. Now, I live a mile down the road and visit often.

I hope you figure out a way to deal with your dad! Good luck :)

[wordsmith]

It's probably best if you don't argue and keep it going. If he asks you if that's all you're getting in a situation like this, say, "Yes," and leave it at that and carry the conversation on to other topics from there. Whether it's food choice or other things that aren't necessarily anybody else's business, if you're curt and don't dwell on it, parents will get the point that it's not a topic open for discussion.

[Krissy2006]

This is kind of an addition to what I have already written, just regarding family stuff. Sometimes, ok scratch that, often times I feel like this COMPLETE outsider in my family. Like I"ll say something, and its as if it doens't penetrate the surface or what I"m saying makes zero sense and I should just shut my yap, b/c my family could care less about the very things that I am passionate about. I love to talk philosophically, and try and be optimistic, and look at the good in ppl, and find balance, and peace, and I am trying to be a healthy person, mind, body and spirit, but my family seem to not give two shits about all of this. My brother is very lazy, my mom would rather lie on a couch eating bon bons then go out and enjoy something physical or even another hobbie besides gambling, my dad, is yes very active, but active in doing jobs around my home, other than that he drinks beer and tinkers with his car. Nobody seems to want to give an inch, but I want to feel more connected to them, do I try harder? am I to be more flexible and comprimise my own behaviours a little? or do I just say right now we are on different pages, and hope for a better connection in the future?

[lonestar]

I am not saying anything about your eating habits, but I would say that sometimes people who don't eat healthy or are in a position to eat whatever they want, never gain a pound, and keep low cholesteral/blood pressure don't really understand people who do watch what they eat. This is the story between my brother and I...dude eats a whole large pizza almost every night and that's just dinner. He is a Marine so part of it is his drill training that he does, but he has also always had a fast matabolism...he used to eat blocks of cheese as a snack when we were kids and he is 6'0" and not an inch of fat on him. I watch what I eat because my metabolism is slower and I was a chubby guy (now I am slim and healthy) from freshman year of college until two years ago (I stopped competitive swimming in college, started eating more chinese food)...but never want to go back to the "old days of the freshman forty". He thinks I have anorexia or something just because I want to maintain a normal 1900 - 2400 calorie a day diet...but this is a guy who packs away 4000-5000 and does not even think about it...

As long as its not overly aggressive, I would say deal with it and be glad that he is concerned...if it gets to the point where its overbearing talk to him privately or show him some of the FDA eating recommendations/health literature...

[Krissy2006]

Your right, I mean its true, everyone has a different metabolism, and I am like you with a slower one. Its the same with me and my family, (extended that is) who eat whatever they want are thin, mind you they are quite active. It just pisses me off if comments are made, b/c I"m clearly not too thin, I am actually still trying to lose weight, and in conjunction with this, I do have my treats on weekends, where I will eat lighter for a couple of days after that. This all being said, nobody knows what I had eaten the night or days before, therefore nobody should make comments. I do know its out of concern (from my father) more so b/c he just wants to make sure I'm satisified and happy, but your right, if it does become more of a problem I will tell him what I need to eat etc. I am not by any stretch unhealthy, and I do eat enough. Thanks again :)

[ScottyTheBody]

You know I got the same thing about alcohol. For a while, I never drank. I hated alcohol and what it does to people sometimes. I never understood the attraction of making an ass out of yourself, making yourself sick and then apologizing to everyone the next day while trying to control a hangover. I had seen so many negatives with the stuff, destroys brain cells, liver, full of calories, can bring out violent behaviour, AA, destroyed families, most of it tastes horrible, can be really addictive and it is really expensive. So my first year in university, I didn't drink. Not one drop. I had supposed "friends" who I even drove because I was always the DD to bars, try to pressure me to drink. On holidays all my relatives would have an alcoholic beverage and they would constantly hound me about not drinking. They'd say try it, it will calm you down, it will make you feel better, from my parents and grandparents no less.

I was adamant about not drinking so I fought about it constantly with everyone, til one day I realized I was distancing myself from them. I eventually did drink a little bit and now I do drink a little bit, but very rarely. I find it kind of sad really that it takes a little bit of drinking to remain close to friends and family.

[lonestar]

You know I got the same thing about alcohol. For a while, I never drank. I hated alcohol and what it does to people sometimes. I never understood the attraction of making an ass out of yourself, making yourself sick and then apologizing to everyone the next day while trying to control a hangover. I had seen so many negatives with the stuff, destroys brain cells, liver, full of calories, can bring out violent behaviour, AA, destroyed families, most of it tastes horrible, can be really addictive and it is really expensive. So my first year in university, I didn't drink. Not one drop. I had supposed "friends" who I even drove because I was always the DD to bars, try to pressure me to drink. On holidays all my relatives would have an alcoholic beverage and they would constantly hound me about not drinking. They'd say try it, it will calm you down, it will make you feel better, from my parents and grandparents no less.

I was adamant about not drinking so I fought about it constantly with everyone, til one day I realized I was distancing myself from them. I eventually did drink a little bit and now I do drink a little bit, but very rarely. I find it kind of sad really that it takes a little bit of drinking to remain close to friends and family.

kinda like my thing for cocaine :eek: ...kidding.

[PenforPrez]

My father gets on to me about what I eat. I know I don't have the best diet, but at the same time, I don't know what to eat most of the time. My father still gets on to me about my Pepsi consumption, and I'm down to one to two cans a day. Then again, my father gets on to me about EVERYTHING. I love the man, but I'm very weary of some of his stuff.

Paul

[wordsmith]

I think it must be pretty hard to be a parent and have years and years of laying down the law and offering advice and making rules and enforcing standards to then have to adjust to being more hands-off with adult children (and doubly so if said children are still living with them). Sometimes I do have to gently (and at times not so gently) remind my parents that when you have adult children, it's no longer appropriate to lecture them unsolicitedly with your thoughts and feelings on their lives and choices. They know I'm right, but old habits die hard, I guess, because they do require reminding.

[astronaut83]

My family is the same way when I eat something "light" or decide to exercise. I lost weight a couple of years ago and trying to mainitan that weight, but my family always says stuff like "you should eat more" or "you don't need to exercise. you're already thin". I've never had an eating disorder and my BMI is in a healthy level, so I don't know why sometimes they make a big deal out of it.

As for my co-workers, they like ot eat junk food and tease me when I eat small portions. I eat slow and get full with a little bit, but they never make a big deal out of it. They say that my system is still in college mode. :p