What to make of ex-bf/co-worker/friend's behavior?!

[bubby bear]

so an ex-bf/co-worker broke up with me about 9 months ago (via telephone) due to his strong religious beliefs and i told him i always supported his decision. although it was only a 2-3 month relationship, he felt awkward seeing me on campus at work for the first 3-4 months (he's in a different dept and bldg), but comes to my bldg/floor once a week to see his boss. well, after that awkward phase, we begin chit-chatting and i was fine talking to him every now and then ...

for the past 3-4 months, he'll talk to me about once a week at work (but never communicates with me via personal e-mail or outside of work), which is fine...but when he does see me in my office he does things like complimenting my appearance (clothes, jewelry), buying a b-day cake from a bakery like 45 minutes from work for me and invited 20 or so people to sing to me, beingtouchy/feely, etc...

now...he's been asking me via e-mail (for the past 2-3 months) to see his new motorcycle after work, but everytime he asked me via e-mail or calls my office phone (and one time my personal cell phone and he sounded embarassed with the fact that i already left work and he was standing outside my bldg with his bike waiting for me to leave my bldg at a certain time), i just so happen to leave work early for the weekend (e-mails were always sent on friday afternoons)...so why does he desperately want to show me, especially during non-work hours?!

i feel he is trying to reach out and tell me something where no one else is around (after work, outside of the bldg)...so why not just call me to tell me about it? or, just have a friendly coworker lunch (since we have been chit-chatting at work for a while or is he afraid i might say "no" to his lunch invite)? why show me his bike after work (how about during lunch hour or just during work hours)?! is it more than just the bike?!

at least for me, if i had a new car or smthg (and other coworkers i know would do the same), i would show my co-workers any time of the day without having to wait till work was over (our work environment is pretty flexible with coming and going for a short period of time). some friends think he still likes me even though he dumped me.

i know i shouldn't be hungup over this and yes, i have been meeting other guys every now and then, but i still consider him as not only as a coworker, but as a friend (even though we haven't hungout or really spoke to each other outside of work).

what do you make of this (other than weird, which ALL of my friends/coworkers think he is weird and always has been weird)?

[CTGirl]

I dont think it's really about him wanting to show you his motorcycle, I think it's about him wanting to spend more time with you.

[hoodie]

I agree. He's insecure and he thinks he needs an "excuse" to get you to see him not just a "hey want to go to lunch", because the only draw there is you and him talking/hanging out. With the motorcycle, if you are not into it or the convo doesn't flow, he can just say, "Okay, well, nice bike, isn't it? See ya at work tomorrow!" Obviously, though, that's not what he wants to happen.

So the question is this...do you want to hang out with him outside of work? If so, I'd say go see his bike. Maybe this would open the door for you guys being able to go to lunch, etc. without it being weird. If you think it would be awkward though, hold out and keep him as just a work friend.

[Chameleon]

I kinda agree with hoodie, you should decide what YOU want before pondering his motives. However, you haven't given a good reason for going another round with this guy. There's a level of strangeness with this guy that isn't quite normal with his inconsistent communications (most people would suggest a lunch thing or send a pic of the bike already) and the religious thing is still there. How do you know he's not going to pull that again?

[ScottyTheBody]

What exactly was the religious thing again?

[bubby bear]

"So the question is this...do you want to hang out with him outside of work? "

Right now, I would like to start things off by having lunch during the workweek. Then, if all all goes well (meaning less awkward), then just hangout as normal friends outside of work (i.e. grab a drink after work or smthg). In the end, I would like to stick to just being friends since we do have a lot of things in common and I know the religious thing will always be an issue. I just think his approach to things just seem out of the norm.

"What exactly was the religious thing again?"

He's Christian and I'm not. I always wondered and even asked him - "if religion is your priority, why not do your research on your potential prospects prior to asking him/her out?" He pursued me for half a year before we finally dated and alluded to me that the way I live my life is in alignment with his religious beliefs.

[AshleyJordan]

Just know that you might be setting yourself up for future drama, and that you've already seen that he has already played games with you. I had once found myself in a very similar situation, and can only say that now I wish I hadn't gone along on so many "non-dates" that were really excuses for this guy to try to see me and reconcile his issues about my religious beliefs (or lack thereof) clashing with his own. This sounds like more trouble than it's worth, and you've already seen that it didn't work out, so why try for round 2? Save yourself the drama, and associate with people who you have more in common with, and who are more direct about what they really want!

[spokes]

so he went 45 minutes out of his way for you and then gathered 20 people to sing happy b-day to you and he can't phone you......seems like a pretty mixed message to me. i'd say go see his mortorcycle, but then have a conversation with him and talk with him about how you are feeling about his style of communication.

[bubby bear]

get a load of this - he (my ex-bf) stopped by my office at work and handed me motorcycle gear for me to use so i can go riding with him...totally unexpected! arrghh! i'm confused by his actions and don't want to be rude to him (because i do consider him as another human being that has feelings - yes, i know HE dumped me...)...but...he can't take a hint that i just want to be friends. first off, he hasn't been riding a bike very long. so for me, it's safety first! I tell him that i don't feel comfortable going with him everytime he asks me to go with him because him being a newbie.

my close coworkers feel the ex-bf MAY have got the hint today with me not wanting to go on a ride, especially since he brought all the gear for me. they (my close co-workers) think that what i am doing is the right thing (by being respectful to the ex - since we are co-workers still) - carrying on casual conversations with the ex-bf when he stops by to see me, saying "hi" when i see him on campus, respond appropriately to his e-mails...as long as i don't go out of my way to see/talk to him...they feel it would boost his ego knowing that i'm responding to the potential mating call.

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