Next step with BF! NEED OPINIONS!! House buying

[nygirl07]

I have a question, me and my boyfriend have just put in a bid for a house. We were planning on waiting till the spring but the house of our dreams showed up and we couldn't pass up the offer. We plan on putting 20% down but I have one concern that isn't really mine but my moms and I wanted to see if anyone could help. We haven't been together for a year yet but we both know we are gonna get married and they we are just right for eachother. My mom's concern is how are we both protected in case anything does go wrong. We are both on the mortgage and both putting equal amounts of money down. What would happen if we something ever happened and we split up. Would we both be guaranteed equal halfs of what the house sold for. I hate even saying this or typing it because I know this is forever but I also know that you should protect yourself and be aware just in case. What are everyones opinions on this situation!

Thanks

[old_school_soul]

I have a question, me and my boyfriend have just put in a bid for a house. We were planning on waiting till the spring but the house of our dreams showed up and we couldn't pass up the offer. We plan on putting 20% down but I have one concern that isn't really mine but my moms and I wanted to see if anyone could help. We haven't been together for a year yet but we both know we are gonna get married and they we are just right for eachother.

Yeah and I just knew I was going to get married to my girlfriend of 3 years in college until I learned she was fucking someone else.

Point being, buying a house with someone is a bad idea unless there is commitment involved. Your boyfriend of less than a year is not equal to commitment. If you know yo u are gonna get married, you'd be engaged, and it would be slightly less risky (but still risky nonetheless).

If you split and the mortage is under both names, it all depends.. He could re-finance to get the house in his name, and would pay you your percentage of the downpayment and monthly payments.. It all depends.. I don't think there's a defined law for it. It's probably best to write this up in a legal contract.

[winneythepooh7]

If you need to ask an anonymous message board for advice on this situation, there's a problem. I personally think there's a problem to begin with if you are unclear about your future with this dude, but looking to buy a house........ETA: If your own MOTHER is concerned that is a definite red flag. This isn't highschool where you can sneak out of the house and rebel with the cute football player and stay out late all night. There are major financial consequences involved.

[Winter Storm]

I hate even saying this or typing it because I know this is forever but I also know that you should protect yourself and be aware just in case. What are everyones opinions on this situation!


One thing I have learned is to not say 'forever' or 'never' because we really don't know what the future will bring. Protect yourself no matter what. Be safe and not sorry.

[jrwilheim]

Before buying the house, you might want to enter into some kind of written agreement about what happens if the relationship ends, have something in writing that says the house will be sold and the money divided fifty-fifty.

But I might also advise whether it might not be a good idea to get married now. You could get married quickly at city hall, and that would probably make things easier with respect to joint ownership of the house.

I know when my grandparents owned their homes together (they moved a few times over the course of 54 years of marriage), they always had what's called Joint Onwership with Right of Survivor, meaning the deed always had language listing the owner as "Harlan and Nelda McAdoo, or Either, or Survivor". This was very important after my grandfather died, because it made it MUCH easier for her to remain in their home. Without this kind of ownership, if your boyfriend were to die (God forbid), you could be forced through probate, or your boyfriend's estate could force the sale of your home to pay obligations of his will. I think you can only do this if you are married.

Another benefit to this kind of joint ownership is that it can make it easier to get paperwork taken care of for things like HELOCs or home equity loans if you can't both be there to sign. My grandparents ran into situations like this a couple times over the course of their marriage.

So I would recommend getting married now, at least for this reason. You could always have a small, civil ceremony at City Hall now and have a party/reception to celebrate your wedding later (but be clear that guests know you've already been married previously so that people don't feel they've been cheated into giving you a wedding gift when what they're witnessing isn't your wedding).

[WorkInProgress]

Before buying the house, you might want to enter into some kind of written agreement about what happens if the relationship ends, have something in writing that says the house will be sold and the money divided fifty-fifty.

But I might also advise whether it might not be a good idea to get married now. You could get married quickly at city hall, and that would probably make things easier with respect to joint ownership of the house.

I know when my grandparents owned their homes together (they moved a few times over the course of 54 years of marriage), they always had what's called Joint Onwership with Right of Survivor, meaning the deed always had language listing the owner as "Harlan and Nelda McAdoo, or Either, or Survivor". This was very important after my grandfather died, because it made it MUCH easier for her to remain in their home. Without this kind of ownership, if your boyfriend were to die (God forbid), you could be forced through probate, or your boyfriend's estate could force the sale of your home to pay obligations of his will. I think you can only do this if you are married.


OP: I think you should talk to a lawyer about this. Sure, it'll cost you, but it's a pittance to what you could stand to lose later.

Joint Ownership with Right of Survivor is not just for married couples. I have a distant relative who got the condo his mother had been living in before she died, even though she cut him out of her will (for the rest of her things).

[jrwilheim]

I agree...talk to a lawyer. A lawyer would definitely know the ins and outs of joint ownership better than I do.

Actually, I think my grandmother is doing something similar with my uncle, who lives with her. He'll get a lesser portion of the cash part of her estate than my aunt and my mother because he's getting the house they both live in, which is fine with everybody concerned.

[MollyMe]

Many people thought they were going to get married and ended up splitting. It just happened to someone I know who both had a house together. I am not familiar with the financial arrangements but I'm sure they thought they were meant for each other.
Plus, you have been with him less than a year.
Living with your boyfriend can bring out some issues.
I'd say don't do it.

[cheshrcarol]

I think as long as you draw up a contract for what will be done with the house in the event either of you terminate the relationship, you'll be fine. Probably the easiest would be to say the house must be sold and the profits divided 50/50.

[shimma]

I think it is absolutely insane to buy a house with someone who is just a BF. Or even just a fiance(e). If he's that committed to you, you'd be engaged and at least courthouse-married before making this huge financial commitment.

If you absolutely must move forward with this, both get on the deed, make sure there is strict documentation in place (in terms of your wills and a written agreement on who's paying what and who gets what in the event of a split.) Get a lawyer.

I still think it's poor judgement on you guys' part though, and for your sake I hope you and he reconsider.


And OSS - sorry to hear that, buddy. :sad: IMHO, she missed out bigtime. (Not hitting on you, just sayin'...)

[spokes]

the only advice i'd give you is go see a law talking guy before you go any further with this process.

[winneythepooh7]

Yeah and I just knew I was going to get married to my girlfriend of 3 years in college until I learned she was fucking someone else.

Point being, buying a house with someone is a bad idea unless there is commitment involved. Your boyfriend of less than a year is not equal to commitment. If you know yo u are gonna get married, you'd be engaged, and it would be slightly less risky (but still risky nonetheless).

If you split and the mortage is under both names, it all depends.. He could re-finance to get the house in his name, and would pay you your percentage of the downpayment and monthly payments.. It all depends.. I don't think there's a defined law for it. It's probably best to write this up in a legal contract.

For some reason I just got that scene in my head when Carrie Bradshaw realizes she is going to be the Old Woman who Lives in her Shoes because Aidan decides he is going to sell the apartment and she has no money to buy after they break up.

[embrassezla]

I think it is absolutely insane to buy a house with someone who is just a BF. Or even just a fiance(e). If he's that committed to you, you'd be engaged and at least courthouse-married before making this huge financial commitment.
Hee, okay I have to voice my opinion now. My SO and I bought a house together. We are not married or engaged. This does not mean we are not committed to one another. Not everyone sees marriage/engagement as an end-all, be-all commitment. That doesn't mean a commitment does not still exist.

Just sayin'.

[shimma]

Hee, okay I have to voice my opinion now. My SO and I bought a house together. We are not married or engaged. This does not mean we are not committed to one another. Not everyone sees marriage/engagement as an end-all, be-all commitment. That doesn't mean a commitment does not still exist.

Just sayin'.

Hee, okay I have to voice my opinion now. My SO and I bought a house together. We are not married or engaged. This does not mean we are not committed to one another. Not everyone sees marriage/engagement as an end-all, be-all commitment. That doesn't mean a commitment does not still exist.

Just sayin'.

Of course not being engaged doesn't mean you're not committed, but with all due respect, in the eyes of the law (which is going to prevail if God forbid something happens to either OP or her BF and/or their relationship) "we're emotionally committed to one another" doesn't mean jack shit. In the event that something were to happen to OP's BF, his family might legally be able to just swoop in and take the house from her if they're not married/have no legal paperwork in place.

[shellie75]

Definitely check with a lawyer...find out how long it takes to become common-law in your state. TX is only 6 months, but other states are sometimes 6-10 years or more. You might already be considered a common-law marriage if you have lived together prior to this and this will effect how the house gets split.

[Kitty]

I think as long as you draw up a contract for what will be done with the house in the event either of you terminate the relationship, you'll be fine. Probably the easiest would be to say the house must be sold and the profits divided 50/50.

I agree. Just put something in writing.

[Winter Storm]

I think as long as you draw up a contract for what will be done with the house in the event either of you terminate the relationship, you'll be fine. Probably the easiest would be to say the house must be sold and the profits divided 50/50.

I would think that this would work. Should be the equivalent to getting a pre-nup.

[winneythepooh7]

Yes. Consult with an honest-to-goodness attorney in your state. Pay the fees for whatever contract needs to be drawn up. Don't just take the word of someone who's not an attorney that everything is going to be alright.

[embrassezla]

in the eyes of the law (which is going to prevail if God forbid something happens to either OP or her BF and/or their relationship) "we're emotionally committed to one another" doesn't mean jack shit. In the event that something were to happen to OP's BF, his family might legally be able to just swoop in and take the house from her if they're not married/have no legal paperwork in place.
Agreed. But I was taking issue with this:

If he's that committed to you, you'd be engaged and at least courthouse-married before making this huge financial commitment.

[analogman]

I know when my grandparents owned their homes together (they moved a few times over the course of 54 years of marriage), they always had what's called Joint Onwership with Right of Survivor, meaning the deed always had language listing the owner as "Harlan and Nelda McAdoo, or Either, or Survivor".

Right of Survivor, while a good idea for married people, would be a very bad idea in this case. If one of the two dies, the other person gets the house. I would guess the deceased would probably the house/money go to their family instead of the bf/gf.

[mishl982]

I agree with the others that if you're going to do that, you should at the very least have a written contract just in case.

[nygirl07]

Here is the thing, I"m not doubting our relationship at all and neither is my mom it's just something that I know you should think about especially in todays world. and about the whole marriage thing, we would get married today but we want to do the whole big wedding thing, especially because our parents and grandparents are looking forward to it and right now we would rather have our house then spend all that money on a wedding. I'm in no rush to just ran out and get married. I know I"m spending forever with him and he feels the same way. We just found this house that is our dream home and we couldn't pass it up, we weren't planning on doing this till spring but we couldn't walk away without making an offer.

Yes living together changes things and we are both ready for that. Does anyone have any good advice because we are gonna go through with this either way at some point, and no I don't think it's a stupid idea because couples do it all the time and things do turn out great.

[Winter Storm]

...I know I"m spending forever with him and he feels the same way.... Does anyone have any good advice because we are gonna go through with this either way at some point, and no I don't think it's a stupid idea because couples do it all the time and things do turn out great.

Geez, is anyone else having mad deju vu? :rolleyes:

If you really knew this would be forever, then you wouldn't really need to even consider a back up plan would you? The fact that you are asking shows that you know that anything can happen, so you'd best be prepared.

Plenty of people have given some good advice. Reread the thread and consider some of those suggestions.

[SmilesSoSweet]

Why not just rent a place for now? You've only dated for less than a year. I've known people who dated less than a year that get married and others who have dated/been engaged for a couple of years, and break up.

You really have to think this on through. Once you buy a house you can't simply change your mind and just return like you can with clothes, shoes, electronics, etc.

[lostindc]

The problem is if something does happen you would both be responsible for the debt and since you are not married the courts probably won't help you sort it out.

One way that could work is that one person buys the house (comes up with the down payment and is the sole name on the deed) and the other pays "rent". At least if there is a breakup the "renter" could simply move out and the owner is solely responsible for the debt and can continue living there as long as the owner can make the mortgage payments. If you get married the house would become joint property.

Disclaimer:

I am not a lawyer and this post should not be construed this as legal advice. The views presented here are simply the opinion of the author should not be used to make any financial or legal decisions without consultation of a licensed professional. The author does not guarantee the accuracy of any statements in this post nor is this post certified as ISO-9000 or Y2K compliant.

[Krishna]

I know someone who did this...personally I'd be darn careful. This is your financial future wrapped up a package with a significant other. I'm certainly not ready to take that risk yet, so be sure that you are. Then if you're dead set on this, get some solid legal advice and put the terms of your agreement in writing.