Is anyone else as messed up as me?

[girlboater]

I feel like I can't acomplish anything. Just when I find a problem spot or something I want to work on in my life, I can find something else to fix before I complete the first thing. I have no focus!

[Amy]

I don't think that I have no focus, I think that I'm obsessive. I fixate on one thing and don't want to let go of it. Everyone says that Mr. Right (I hate that) will come along when you're not looking. I think that's crap. I didn't look for 7 years. Now I look for him. I know I'm obsessive and desperate and nothing is more unattractive than that. I think I need to be medicated.

Is anyone else this insane? I really think I need prozac so I don't have to deal with this shit.

[Bill]

I haven't had a date since 1995. I only had a few dates in my life. Even if I did actually get a date I'd be so nervous, that it probably wouldn't work out. I'm too shy to ask girls out in person.

[Amy]

Bill...
I just turned down a date b/c I already knew that it would make me crazy. I'd go something like this:
We'd meet. I'd think that things went O.K. not a great date, but pleasant and cood conversation. Good enough to warrent a second date. Then He woudn't call, and I would get depressed. I'd rather push a sharp stick through my right eye than ever go on a date again. I am utterly humialited because no body wants me..I'd rather not be reminded of that fact.

[Bill]

Amy

Do you gain any confidence, from at least getting some dates?
I think I would feel better if someone gave me a chance, but I would get frusrated if I liked a person after a first date, and they never called. So I understand how you feel. I am very negative about the whole situation, and I know it doesn't help anything. I have no reason to be positive. Friends tell me dating isn't important, but they all date a lot more than I do. I want to give up, but I don't want to end up alone.

[Amy]

I already know I am going to end up alone, that is if I make it to 26, so why bother with the humiliation of dating....

[Bill]

Amy

Don't give up. Don't let other people ruin things for you. I'm negative all the time, and I hate when people tell me "love happens when you least expect it". But, I want to find love. It's painful when I get rejected and no one gives me a chance.
I would say try to get to know someone first before dating, and see if they call, but I wouldn't know because I never get that far.

[Unregistered]

I just want to say how much I understand the feeling of being alone. I am 22 and have never been asked out on a date, ever. I am so humilated and embarrased. Now that all my fiends are in relationships my situation is highlighted even more and becomes even more shameful. In some ways, I hate men. Because, I have grown up having really close girlfriends and then men come along, and I barely see them again. And then I feel presuured to start taking action and finding a boyfriend. BUt I just can't find any.

I've looked in the mirror, and yeah I'm no Pamela Anderson, but I'm no Frankestein either. I'm no where near fat, I like talking to people but that doesn't change things. I wear men repellant or something.

I can't go out on weekends now because all my friends have prioritised their men and see them only. Its like their all competing as to who gets engaged first.

I have decided that if I am still like this at 25, I am ringing a dating agency. I don't care. Us humans forget that we are animals too. We have instincts like dogs too, we have needs. Freud said that by not satisfying these needs, we become neurotic and can go mad. So for the sake of keeping my sanity I am going to have to ring a dating agency in a couple of years. Unless my life changes, and I get dealt aces instead of jokers.

[haley]

Everyone! ~ http://www.lavalife.com

[haley]

Things are good for me these days. I've met some nice people in person and online, and I have plans to go to the Army and, once I'm done, study photography (or something more) in NY. I feel like I'm finally moving. But I haven't been in a relationship in four years. Truly, I've been alone for six, ever since I moved to LA from the Philippines.

I told myself a year ago at 21 that I'd do myself in if, by the age of 25, I was still lonely. I don't think I'll be doing that anymore, though.

I see a counselor, take meds for depression. My family doesn't support me. I've celebrated my Christmas and birthdays alone for the past 3 years. I think all of that sucks. I'm quite certain others have been through worse.

There's this reporter on ABC who's on 20/20 often with Barbara Walters. I don't know his name, but he's never been married. He's about 35-45 years old. The story of his becoming a journalist started when he was in highschool - he's intelligent, obviously well-motivated, ambitious, and seems earnest, kind, content. Seemingly a good catch, right? But he's single. Why? I'm sure he wonders. I do.

I think you do become neurotic if your needs aren't met. Think Roman Catholic priests. Think serial killers.

It's also true that human beings, though similar to animals, often rise above and beyond expectations, even their own. We're like angels sometimes - phoenixes. We come from the ashes. We have immense beauty, like children with birth defects, but not many - very few - have the eyes to see it. We're often covered in ashes, our skin burnt and peeled, sores in our faces, our eyes bloodshot, our gait creepy, crooked. But we're angels still. Think Harry Potter and how his Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and cousin Dudley hate him. We love Harry Potter, though, right? His lightning scar, his untameable hair, his propensity to overanalyze and give himself gaping ulcers. Open your eyes to yourself, like you keep them open to others.

Yesterday, I had a headache, my shoulders and neck strained. I was with my friend, Esther. She told me, you're probably thinking too much. She's right, I thought. F--k it then. Who gives a f--k about anything. I'm okay. The day is beautiful. I love my cat.

[michalmm]

I am pretty sure that the reporter's last name is Anderson. Gray hair right? He's younger than he looks. I think that's he's Gloria Vanderbilt's son.

Forget dating. Once I get in a relationship I freak out at the first sign of ANY emotional closeness!!! I have ruined more relationships with perfectly good men that way. And now everyone I know is getting married.

[Unregistered]

I know what you mean about fearing emotional closeness- I am seeing a great guy right now and I fear I may break up with him for no real reason, but that I started feeling comfortable with him, but then suddenly felt like I should back off. Very strange.

[Unregistered]

I'm 26 and haven't ever had a boyfriend. I did the whole nerdy, no social life thing. The thing about that is, you miss your chance for experimentation and learning.

Let me tell you guys something, though. All of my friends from high school are married with children and have been for years. All of my friends now are unattached, and none of them are worried about it.

If you're really that obsessed about having a significant other, then by all means join a dating service. Otherwise, get a hobby. Climb a mountain. Write a book. Go caving like I did. When you do things like that, you connect with people in a way that your married friends will never understand. And you realize that you're not as alone as you think.

I'd just like to point out that if you think you're worthless without a boyfriend/girlfriend, then you have much bigger problems than not having one.

[michalmm]

Personally WierdBrake, I think you need to take some time off and just relax, it'll do a body good. ;)

But yes, I agree that if you still care, then your fine. Its when you become calloused that's when there is a problem.

I have so many weddings coming up this year and next and I planon going to all of them stag. I date, I like boys. But I refuse to settle. And if I refuse to get emotionally attached its just becuase I don't want to get hurt again.

Plus, I would rather be single than rush into a wedding without being absolutely sure that it was the best move possible.

[haley]

(I'm 22/M) WeirdBrake, I absolutely feel you. First of all, you sound very depressed right now, so I wouldn't regard all that you wrote as indicative of your whole outlook on life; I'm sure you've known better days, so try your best to think about those better days.

I, too, went for a time without really caring about whether I had even friends, much less someone more than a friend. I was attached for 4 years with a girl I met in highschool, but today I feel as though I never met her - meaning, I feel very alone. One day I felt that extreme sense of urgency and regret (August 1999), and ever since I've been sort of girl-crazy, and somewhat hopeless when I couldn't meet someone.

I think we all need to go through that process of realizing how much we need love. Then we realize that although people can love us great, they're not always going to be there. Then we wonder who can love us 24/7. To be aware of our needs is painful, but it changes us. Hopefully, we don't do ourselves in.

Everyday I try to find reason to live. It's hard. My reasoning tells me I should give up. But my reasoning's whack, it's gotta be if it's telling me to give up.

Go see a counselor at a family counseling center. Try to get meds. Eat well and exercise. Read some books that will help you. Talk to people - you'll run through obstacles there because you're in pain while you approach people, still you gotta do it, gotta try and learn.

Take care, be strong, and keep posting.

[greene54]

I'm a 27 year old guy, and I've been alone for about 5 years now. I never thought I could go so long. It's almost surreal. Having a girlfriend seems like this fairy tale memory that I can barely remember. When I was younger, say in my teens, girls seemed to be very attracted to me. My personality shined, and I was confident in my ideas about the world, and my life. Somewhere along the way, all of that disappeared almost completely. It's so strange. In some ways, the more I learn about life, the less outwardly confident I seem to get. I've become very quiet, and I spend most of my time observing and thinking. I think some of the problem, if not all of the problem is this. As we get older, we become more inhibited and analytical - trying to protect ourselves from being hurt. For some of us, we get so lost in this process that we all but forget how to actually live, let go, and connect with someone else. I live in a small town, with very little culture or community activities where I might meet someone. The bars are my main social outlet. I'm a fairly level-headed and healthy guy for the most part, but every friday and saturday night it seems to be the same thing. I get a few beers in me, watch the crowd, and wrestle with my lack of self confidence. I've watched so many pretty faces pass by, and can't seem to do a single thing about it. And every single night I go home entirely alone. Sometimes, shamefully, I want to have someone in my life so bad that I can't even think straight. I'm very familiar with all the cliches. I know I shouldn't try so hard. I know I can't sit around waiting to be loved by someone. I know I should find strength and happiness inside myself before I can love someone else. I know I shouldn't expect something great to happen in a bar room. And I try to live up to these ideals. But sometimes it's just not enough. I can relate to everyone else in here going through tough times like these.