Parents approval on dating?

[gymgurl]

So back to me and my online dating adventures, I met guy #3 and we are scheduled to have our first date next Saturday. I was talking to my mom about it a little while ago and got a not so great reaction.

The problem is that he is East Indian. It's odd because I'm not racist at all, but when I look at black or chinese men, I don't really see them as attractive or not, they are just 'not options'....not sure why, it's just always been this way (I don't think anything less of them as a person though and have friends who are both black and chinese). With East Indian for some reason though, I don't get this...this is the second guy (guy #1 from previous thread was as well).

My mom strongly disapproves of this though and she was like, "Just don't be attracted to them and stay away from that." She even said that my dad had a dream about me going off and being involved in a war because of it. That bothers me a little, like he seems really nice so far and is taking lots of time sending me e-mails. I don't think it's fair to judge him just because of this but then I"m not sure what to do when my whole family pretty much thinks differently.

Has anyone experienced anything like this before?

[Winter Storm]

I guess it depends on how close you are with your parents and how much you value their opinions.

Me, I'm not too concerned about getting my family's approval in who I date, just like I'm sure they could care less what I think of their SOs (when they have them). I date whomever I want to and it doesn't bother me either way.

Its hard enough to find a good match out here, let alone a good match that your family will love on top of that. In this case, I gotta do what makes me happy.

[WorkInProgress]

I guess it depends on how close you are with your parents and how much you value their opinions.

I agree with this. Recognize the situation for what it is, and what it could become, and figure out what's most important to you.

[gymgurl]

Yah, I guess really it's not all that important what they think.

Should have asked this in the first post, but what do you guys think about dating East Indian people? Would this be an issue for you at all?

[Winter Storm]

Should have asked this in the first post, but what do you guys think about dating East Indian people? Would this be an issue for you at all?

That is total personal preference. Some people are only comfortable within their own race, others prefer to date outside. Some, like me, are equal opportunity.

I prefer to date really cool guys. Race, unimportant.

[MetFanL]

First of all, it's a first date. Not much to worry about yet.

Secondly, our parents spend their ENTIRE lives trying to make our lives easier. It's what they do. Apparently, your mother thinks that inter-racial dating is something that could make your life harder. It's a possibility, but so are a million other things that could make your life harder. She's just trying to protect you from whatever she can.

[WorkInProgress]

For me, personally: no. For my parents: no. For my extended family: um, yeah. Is it right: no. Is it something that I can change: maybe not. Is it something to be aware of: yes.

[CityGal]

I guess it depends on how close you are with your parents and how much you value their opinions.

Me, I'm not too concerned about getting my family's approval in who I date, just like I'm sure they could care less what I think of their SOs (when they have them). I date whomever I want to and it doesn't bother me either way.

Its hard enough to find a good match out here, let alone a good match that your family will love on top of that. In this case, I gotta do what makes me happy.

I agree with everything Winter is saying. You have to do whatever feels right to you and what makes you happy. Other people's opinion should matter...after all you are the person that's going to be dating them not those other people.

I’m an equal opportunity employer-ha. I do not discriminate on race/ethnicity- personally, I don’t even believe in these social constructs. However, I do have certain standards for guys. They do have to be funny, educated, ambitious, cool, etc. I have been trying to date the world…as many different people as possible: Spanish, Black, White, Asian, stock brokers, investment bankers, restaurateurs, waiters, DJs, comedians, etc.

[wordsmith]

I guess it depends on how close you are with your parents and how much you value their opinions.

Totally...for me, it IS important what my family thinks, and it's important that an SO be close to my family and they to him. Doubly so for a long-term mate. We're a close family, and I really want to be with somebody who fits in and likes them and they like him. Sorry to say, but a union where there was any real dislike between my family and my SO wouldn't have much of a shot at lasting.

But that's my family dynamic, and also due to the fact that my personal values system very much reflects theirs (nearly identical, really, only a few points where I diverge). If there were big discrepancies in my values and theirs, like happens sometimes, I'd be less likely to put stock in the feelings of my parents. But as it is, we see eye to eye on most things. So them not liking an SO/him not liking them would be a major red flag.

You do have to do what makes you happy, true, but a less than great dynamic between the guy I'm with and my family would make me very unhappy. Everybody's different, though, and this is just where I'm at.

[CTGirl]

My family and I have never had any issues with dating people from other races, so I can't say I've been in your shoes, but I will say, that something that no one seems to have mentioned so far, is that with many races, it can come down to a matter of cultural differences more than appearances.

I have friends from many different cultural backgrounds, and different levels of connection to those backgrounds. If you're going to try to date someone who is a very traditional muslim Indian, for example, then there may be issues there that would not be if you're trying to date someone who grew up in the US and is not as traditional.

To me, that cultural distinction is more important than race, because you could have people that are the same race as you but come from very different cultures as well, and it's the cultural differences that are going to cause trouble, not the color of one's skin.

[wordsmith]

Yah, I guess really it's not all that important what they think.

Should have asked this in the first post, but what do you guys think about dating East Indian people? Would this be an issue for you at all?

Completely immaterial. But everybody's different.

[WorkInProgress]

it can come down to a matter of cultural differences more than appearances.

I agree with this.

[jxu66]

I agree with CTGirl. If the guy is borned and raised in US or grow up in western culture, the race is not issue. If the guy is traditional Muslim or Hindu, there will be huge culture clash. I think that your mom is worrying the guy is the second case.

[wordsmith]

Compatibility is something that makes or breaks potential couples in about a million ways other than race/ethnicity. If somebody's cultural background makes them incompatible with you for some reason or another, that's valid, and no, you won't work as a couple, that being the case. But that's probably more something for you to find out. Not for your parents to predict, really.

[CityGal]

My family and I have never had any issues with dating people from other races, so I can't say I've been in your shoes, but I will say, that something that no one seems to have mentioned so far, is that with many races, it can come down to a matter of cultural differences more than appearances.

I have friends from many different cultural backgrounds, and different levels of connection to those backgrounds. If you're going to try to date someone who is a very traditional muslim Indian, for example, then there may be issues there that would not be if you're trying to date someone who grew up in the US and is not as traditional.

To me, that cultural distinction is more important than race, because you could have people that are the same race as you but come from very different cultures as well, and it's the cultural differences that are going to cause trouble, not the color of one's skin.

Good point CTGirl. If all goes well with your guy this will be something to look into. Although I do know a lot of couples from different backgrounds that do make it work.

[wordsmith]

Exactly. Different backgrounds doesn't HAVE to mean incompatibility. It may, sure. But it definitely doesn't have to.

[gymgurl]

it can come down to a matter of cultural differences more than appearances.



Wow, thanks for all the responses so quickly! Yah, I think this is more what my mom was trying to say, she just said that they have very different cultural differences which may not be good for me. She said they like to try and control women...now I don't know very much about race-differences which could be one factor why this bothers me and I don't want to turn this into a slander thread...if there does happen to be people of this race here.

The more I think about it though, it is important that my parents get along, like they'd just have this negative tone whenever I talked about him and it's obviously really bothering my dad if he's dreaming about it, and we haven't even met yet.

The person who said we haven't even met yet has a good point too and obviously it's too soon to read into anything because for all I know the date may go horrible (for him, for me, for both of us). Part of me wonders though if I should even go through with it though? I mean, if it's going to cause family issues then I don't know if I would see something becoming long term frorm it.

I"m really bad this way though, just with dating in general, I have a tendancy to look way to far ahead and think seriously about things. It's like if I don't see myself potentially with this person LT I end it right away, so feelings don't get involved and so that I don't lead them on.

[shimma]

So back to me and my online dating adventures, I met guy #3 and we are scheduled to have our first date next Saturday. I was talking to my mom about it a little while ago and got a not so great reaction.

The problem is that he is East Indian. It's odd because I'm not racist at all, but when I look at black or chinese men, I don't really see them as attractive or not, they are just 'not options'....not sure why, it's just always been this way (I don't think anything less of them as a person though and have friends who are both black and chinese). With East Indian for some reason though, I don't get this...this is the second guy (guy #1 from previous thread was as well).

My mom strongly disapproves of this though and she was like, "Just don't be attracted to them and stay away from that." She even said that my dad had a dream about me going off and being involved in a war because of it. That bothers me a little, like he seems really nice so far and is taking lots of time sending me e-mails. I don't think it's fair to judge him just because of this but then I"m not sure what to do when my whole family pretty much thinks differently.

Has anyone experienced anything like this before?

Can I ask where you live, that interracial dating would be such a big deal?

I live in a more "diverse" area, but I say you love who you love. I am physically attractive only to men from a particular ethnic group (I have 2 grandparents from that part of the globe) though, so I can't say I've ever been in an interracial relationship. However, I have very high criteria for certain internal things, such that if I were dating, I couldn't really make race a criteria (beyond the fact that I am gorgeous to men of a certain ethnic background and butt fugly to everyone else) but that's just me and most people aren't so picky about personality and intelligence as I.

My fiance's family completely loathes me, has a history of doing over the top things to try to break us up, but he's still marrying me. They refuse to acknowledge our engagement, indicated that they won't attend our wedding, and we're not counting on being "part of the family" down the road. But my family is not into such stupid petty bullshit, and we'll still be part of mine. The fact that they haven't accepted me is more disrespect for him than anything else.

However, some families just have a problem with their daughter/son/sister/brother being with someone, period, and often you have to recognize that situation for what it is.

[CTGirl]

Wow, thanks for all the responses so quickly! Yah, I think this is more what my mom was trying to say, she just said that they have very different cultural differences which may not be good for me. She said they like to try and control women...now I don't know very much about race-differences which could be one factor why this bothers me and I don't want to turn this into a slander thread...if there does happen to be people of this race here.

The more I think about it though, it is important that my parents get along, like they'd just have this negative tone whenever I talked about him and it's obviously really bothering my dad if he's dreaming about it, and we haven't even met yet.

The person who said we haven't even met yet has a good point too and obviously it's too soon to read into anything because for all I know the date may go horrible (for him, for me, for both of us). Part of me wonders though if I should even go through with it though? I mean, if it's going to cause family issues then I don't know if I would see something becoming long term frorm it.

I"m really bad this way though, just with dating in general, I have a tendancy to look way to far ahead and think seriously about things. It's like if I don't see myself potentially with this person LT I end it right away, so feelings don't get involved and so that I don't lead them on.

1. You should definitely meet the guy, you like him so far right? There's no reason to not meet him.

2. As for what your mother said, that's an unfair stereotype that she needs to let go of, and fast.

[shimma]

Wow, thanks for all the responses so quickly! Yah, I think this is more what my mom was trying to say, she just said that they have very different cultural differences which may not be good for me. She said they like to try and control women...now I don't know very much about race-differences which could be one factor why this bothers me and I don't want to turn this into a slander thread...if there does happen to be people of this race here.

I know some East Indian guys who totally rock, some who are real assholes, and a lot who fall somewhere in between the two extremes. It depends on which specific one ultimately.

In the future, if you haven't even met the dude yet, maybe it's too early to tell your parents about him.

[CityGal]

I"m really bad this way though, just with dating in general, I have a tendancy to look way to far ahead and think seriously about things. It's like if I don't see myself potentially with this person LT I end it right away, so feelings don't get involved and so that I don't lead them on.

This is my EXACT same problem. I look too much into it and I don't live in the moment. Gymgurl, how will you know if something is not going to work out if you don't try it out first. Try it out and then decide. I know it is easier said then done bc I am still trying to deal with it myself. Look at it this way you will get dinner out of this and maybe a nice friend.

[wordsmith]

she just said that they have very different cultural differences which may not be good for me.

On the other hand, dealing with differences can be a very positive, rewarding thing, too.


She said they like to try and control women...now I don't know very much about race-differences which could be one factor why this bothers me and I don't want to turn this into a slander thread...if there does happen to be people of this race here.

Please watch it with the "they all do this," type statements. Even if it's coming secondhand, from your mother/father, etc. No good will come of it, and please bear in mind that this is a multiethnic community here on the boards.

The more I think about it though, it is important that my parents get along, like they'd just have this negative tone whenever I talked about him and it's obviously really bothering my dad if he's dreaming about it, and we haven't even met yet.

The person who said we haven't even met yet has a good point too and obviously it's too soon to read into anything because for all I know the date may go horrible (for him, for me, for both of us). Part of me wonders though if I should even go through with it though? I mean, if it's going to cause family issues then I don't know if I would see something becoming long term frorm it.

I"m really bad this way though, just with dating in general, I have a tendancy to look way to far ahead and think seriously about things. It's like if I don't see myself potentially with this person LT I end it right away, so feelings don't get involved and so that I don't lead them on.

You should probably consider NOT revealing the vital stats of your dates to your parents before you even have met somebody or know if you even like them or they you. I don't ever even TELL my family I'm dating somebody until we've gone out enough that I feel like it's worthwhile to do so. No point if it's clearly not something that's going anywhere. You just have to ask yourself, "Is it really imperative that my parents know about somebody I haven't even MET YET?"

[SmilesSoSweet]

My parents have learned that since living in the States we can't always just date within our own ethnicity. I think nowadays my parents would rather see their children with a good person than anything else. My grandparents were another story. But I can see where they were coming from.

I'm also close to my family, even though we don't live in the same state. We have our huge family reunions for Thanksgiving and Christmas so those would be events that a potential bf would be going to. Weddings are another one.

My brother married a girl who is half white and half Filipino. My sister is dating a white guy who happens to be 15 years older than her. My parents like them both. As long as my brother and sister are both happy, then that's all that matters.

I have yet to bring home a guy for my parents to meet. The one bf I did have, we didn't last that long for my parents to meet him and only my brother and sister knew about him, but didn't get the chance meet him.

[gymgurl]

Thanks again for your responses (and sorry about the 'they' part of my comment...didn't intend it like that). And that is just what i don't understand itself, like how is it fair to categorize someone like this just because of their background? If my parents were both psychopaths I wouldn't want people judging me because of that and this is exactly what my parents are doing of these people (only much worse since it's not like it's his parents who have caused issues).

You are right though, none of that should stop me from meeting him. I just got an e-mail from him while he is on holidays and he managed to find an internet cafe just so he could send me something. He's so sweet and seriously seems like a good and honest guy. Obviously we haven't met in person yet so you never know how that will go...just judging from what I know at this point.

Citygal, yah, it's so hard, like I guess I'm just very much NOT about dating for the sake of dating. If I'm dating someone I am interested in a LT relationship otherwise I just see no point (aside if it's a FWB maybe, since then it's a totally different thing). I think though I probably don't give some guys enough of a chance because of this habit...for me though sometimes it seems it's easier to not meet them then to meet and find out my feelings were right and then have to tell them I don't think it's going to work.

I've been doing a lot of introspection lately on why I might be having problems with dating and relationships and I think deep down I've very afraid of rejection so I tend to either want to 'run' when I feel someone is getting close, since i fear they may end up rejecting me, or else I reject them before I even meet them or very VERY early on so I don't cause them pain if I don't think it will work out. I need to somehow learn to overcome this...

[crystal_dance]

I'm an East Indian guy. I moved to Toronto when I was 5 and pretty much grew up all over North America. Contrary to public opinion, we're not really into the whole controlling thing, y know putting leashes on our women :razz: j/k

East Indian guys who grew up in the west are culturally different from the ones who haven't been here long. They are very integrated into American society, and if anything they are bi-cultural. Just like anyother race, you have the whole range of personalities - awesome guys, jerks, nice guys, etc.

I think your mother had good intentions trying to protect you by dissuading you, but that doesn't mean she is right. I don't think it's fair to just throw away any chance to know another person just because they come from a different culture/race...

Maybe you should meet him just to see what he's like. If he truly is a loser then too bad, but what if he's a really great guy? I can understand if you didn't feel any attraction but in that case we wouldn't be having this thread.
If anything, you get to learn about a different culture.

Man I hate stereotypes.

[J-girl]

I think your mother had good intentions trying to protect you by dissuading you, but that doesn't mean she is right. I don't think it's fair to just throw away any chance to know another person just because they come from a different culture/race...

I agree with that. You have to explore your options. And doesnt mean you have to marry the guy. If anything you will be more oprn minded about another culture at the end of the day. The questions you have asked on the board may well be answere djust by hanging out with him.
Your mom may have the best intentions. I am East Indian and for the longest time my parents would NEVER let me date any guy is not East Indian Hindu or Sikh. But now they are warming up to the idea.

[old_school_soul]

I am East Indian and for the longest time my parents would NEVER let me date any guy is not East Indian Hindu or Sikh. But now they are warming up to the idea.

I was about to mention this.... Friends of mine who have dated Indians (South and East).. It always seemed to me Indian parents are WAAAAAAAAAY more strict about dating outside their skintone/culture/class than white or black americans.

[wordsmith]

A lot of times it also has to do with how far removed a family is from the country and culture of origin, as well. I've known families that have been in the States for several generations, and dating or marrying outside ethnicity isn't so much as blinked at, but I've also known families where the parents themselves are immigrants and are much more stringent about keeping relationships within the confines of one's own ethnicity. Not always the case, but more common when the parents are "old country."

[old_school_soul]

A lot of times it also has to do with how far removed a family is from the country and culture of origin, as well. I've known families that have been in the States for several generations, and dating or marrying outside ethnicity isn't so much as blinked at, but I've also known families where the parents themselves are immigrants and are much more stringent about keeping relationships within the confines of one's own ethnicity. Not always the case, but more common when the parents are "old country."

I dunno.. I've dated Phillipino, Colombian, Kenyan, 2 Jamaicans.. All of their parents were immigrants and they didn't care.

[wordsmith]

I didn't say that if they're recent immigrants, they're always more insular. Just that being insular is often more common among recent immigrants than those several generations removed. Hence the "not always the case."

[SmilesSoSweet]

I dunno.. I've dated Phillipino, Colombian, Kenyan, 2 Jamaicans.. All of their parents were immigrants and they didn't care.

It's Filipino, not Phillipino. Sorry, I just needed to correct that.

My parents don't care anymore. But if my grandparents were still around, that would be a different story.

[shimma]

I

If anything, you get to learn about a different culture.


Not to threadjack, but please keep in mind that you don't date or even befriend someone "just to learn about a different culture." In fact, dating pr befriending someone specifically for that purpose is just plain racist. You should like someone first and foremost for who they are inside.

You date or befriend someone because you see an intrinsic value in that person or connection that makes dating or befriending them mutually beneficial and emotionally enriching for the both of you. If you meet a special person that you want to be part of your life and they happen to be of a different culture, cool, but don't devalue dating or friendships (the greatest gift humanity has) by saying that one should specifically seek that out just to check off their "I have a black friend, and a gay friend, etc" boxes. If you want to learn about a different culture, get a book about it.

OP, you like this dude and feel a connection, so give him a chance and go on a date with him. Like J said, you don't have to marry him the first second you meet him, but it sounds like you at least owe it to the both of you to go on a date and see where it goes.

[old_school_soul]

It's Filipino, not Phillipino. Sorry, I just needed to correct that.

My parents don't care anymore. But if my grandparents were still around, that would be a different story.

Thanks duly noted.

[wordsmith]

He wasn't saying that at all. He was saying that learning about somebody else's culture isn't ever a wash, even if a dating situation doesn't work out in the long term. I really don't think he was saying, "Hell, yes, date people of other ethnicities just to up your cool kid credibility and check off your 'been there, done that' boxes." He was just pointing out that learning about cultures other than your own is a positive byproduct if all else fails.

[old_school_soul]

In fact, dating pr befriending someone specifically for that purpose is just plain racist.

I don't think it's racist, perhaps ignorant and trite, but not racist.

[shimma]

He wasn't saying that at all. He was saying that learning about somebody else's culture isn't ever a wash, even if a dating situation doesn't work out in the long term. I really don't think he was saying, "Hell, yes, date people of other ethnicities just to up your cool kid credibility and check off your 'been there, done that' boxes." He was just pointing out that learning about cultures other than your own is a positive byproduct if all else fails.

OK, sorry, I have seen a lot of that attitude where I live ("I'll date a dude/chick of XYZ ethnicity just to learn about his/her culture"), have seen a little bit of it on these boards too, and it makes my blood boil. So unfair to do to another person.

[shimma]

I don't think it's racist, perhaps ignorant and trite, but not racist.

Beg to differ. ;) Saying that someone's inherent value (be it positive value or negative value) as a friend or SO lies in their culture/race/ethnicity; or anytime you like or dislike someone for what color their skin is/where they come from/etc, IMHO, is racist. Racism can go both ways like that.

[wordsmith]

It's ALWAYS unfair to the other person if you have an ulterior motive for dating them, rather than dating them just because you like them. But it happens all the time, and can be tied to lots of things, not just race/ethnicity. People use one another all the time.

[old_school_soul]

Beg to differ. ;) Saying that someone's inherent value (be it positive value or negative value) as a friend or SO lies in their culture/race/ethnicity; or anytime you like or dislike someone for what color their skin is/where they come from/etc, IMHO, is racist. Racism can go both ways like that.

I think people throw around the word "racist" far too often. What you describe doesn't have anything to do with racism. Racism is the belief that one race is biologically or morally superior than another. Being curious about someone's culture and dating them because of it doesn't make your racist, it doesn't make it right either.. Racist is not the word for it.

[shimma]

Being curious about someone's culture and dating them because of it doesn't make your racist, it doesn't make it right either.. Racist is not the word for it.

I do think that racism can be the word for it, because you're giving someone special treatment based on their race/culture, that you wouldn't give them if they were the same race/culture as you. Dating someone of a different race makes you look not racist (and I'm saying you in the general sense), but if youre dating someone only because you're into their culture rather than because you like them as a person, that actually is treating them badly because you're devaluing/discounting the intrinsic value of what's in their head and heart that they have to offer as an SO. Therefore, you are treating them badly because of their race/culture, which is what racists do when they let their racist belieifs manifest themselves in their behavior.

[wordsmith]

I would say it's definitely minimizing/marginalizing somebody as a person if you're dating them primarily because they're, say, Asian, and you have a thing for Asians, and mayb eas it turns out, incidentally, they happen to be cool, smart, etc. If you go for somebody on the basis of their skin color, and all else is less important or unimportant, that's fairly shallow, IMO. But it's not really any different than going for a guy or girl on, say, looks alone (or any other superficial attribute), regardless of ethnicity. And that's obviously widespread, too.

[gymgurl]

I'm an East Indian guy. I moved to Toronto when I was 5 and pretty much grew up all over North America. Contrary to public opinion, we're not really into the whole controlling thing, y know putting leashes on our women :razz: j/k

East Indian guys who grew up in the west are culturally different from the ones who haven't been here long. They are very integrated into American society, and if anything they are bi-cultural. Just like anyother race, you have the whole range of personalities - awesome guys, jerks, nice guys, etc.

I think your mother had good intentions trying to protect you by dissuading you, but that doesn't mean she is right. I don't think it's fair to just throw away any chance to know another person just because they come from a different culture/race...

Maybe you should meet him just to see what he's like. If he truly is a loser then too bad, but what if he's a really great guy? I can understand if you didn't feel any attraction but in that case we wouldn't be having this thread.
If anything, you get to learn about a different culture.

Man I hate stereotypes.

Thanks for your post! And once again I really hope I didn't offend you in anyway by starting this thread, it wasn't the intention...

I agree though, I'm pretty sure he's lived here (Canada) for most of his life and from everything he's said/written to me he seems really nice and caring.

Obviously it could be different when we date, and for all I know, he might be the one not interested but I will go out on the date and at least see. I am attracted to him and so far he seems like a great guy. My parents will just have to learn to deal with this if something happens and it gets serious.

I mean, obviously too, if there were HUGE cultural differences then compatability in general wouldn't be that good so it wouldn't matter that much anyway, we wouldn't enjoy spending time together.

[vivo]

I was about to mention this.... Friends of mine who have dated Indians (South and East).. It always seemed to me Indian parents are WAAAAAAAAAY more strict about dating outside their skintone/culture/class than white or black americans.

by east indian she means from India, not just the eastern portion. I'm assuming when u say south and east indian u r referring to people from different parts of india.

[old_school_soul]

by east indian she means from India, not just the eastern portion. I'm assuming when u say south and east indian u r referring to people from different parts of india.

Yeah, as in North Indian, South Indian, East, West.. LOL. I've never heard someone refer as Indians as "East Indian" in modern times.. But I have heard plenty of Indians talk about Indians from different regions of India , though primarily the difference seems to be North & South Indians.

[wordsmith]

I've heard East Indian used to differentiate between people from India and Native American-type Indians.

[WorkInProgress]

I've heard East Indian used to differentiate between people from India and Native American-type Indians.

Me too. It's less clumsy than saying something like, "Indian...you know, like, from India, not Native American"

[old_school_soul]

I've heard East Indian used to differentiate between people from India and Native American-type Indians.

So have I, but in history books -- East India Trade Company.

[wordsmith]

Esp. since most of the Native Americans I've known prefer the term Indian or their tribe/nation name to "Native American," anyway.

[crystal_dance]

Thanks for your post! And once again I really hope I didn't offend you in anyway by starting this thread, it wasn't the intention...

I agree though, I'm pretty sure he's lived here (Canada) for most of his life and from everything he's said/written to me he seems really nice and caring.

Obviously it could be different when we date, and for all I know, he might be the one not interested but I will go out on the date and at least see. I am attracted to him and so far he seems like a great guy. My parents will just have to learn to deal with this if something happens and it gets serious.

I mean, obviously too, if there were HUGE cultural differences then compatability in general wouldn't be that good so it wouldn't matter that much anyway, we wouldn't enjoy spending time together.

No offence taken :)
try not to think too much about it, and just go with the flow. afterall, it's just a date.

[shimma]

I am attracted to him and so far he seems like a great guy. My parents will just have to learn to deal with this if something happens and it gets serious.

So just go for it, go on a date with him and see where things go. ;):

And don't forget, you can date someone of your exact ethnic background who grew up around the block from you and still be totally incompatible and bad for each other (ie, he's an INFP and you're an ENTJ... bad news man)... Whether or not your brains/lifestyles/personalities/etc clash or not has to do with many, many factors, only one small one of which is culture.

[CityGal]

This whole issue with dating outside the ‘race’ is a bit frustrating. Don’t you all realize how big of an issue this is that it even is an issue? Ultimately we are all humans. We are all bipedal, can communicate through various forms of languages, and have somewhat coexisted with other animals for thousands of years. It shouldn’t be a problem to date another human (or even another animal if you wanted to). Don’t know what all of your beliefs are but one thing is certain is that we have existed for thousands of years and NO ONE on this planet is of pure ‘race/ethnicity’ or whatever other social construct you want to throw out there. We are all mixed with each other. In a way it is truly sad to see how these categorizations of humans have become such an issue. Don’t you all remember the phrase ‘divided we fall, united we stand’. This is exactly what those in power want--to keep the gaps of division so wide open that there is no possible way the masses will ever be united in anything.

Hopefully this doesn’t offend anyone but it is becoming a bit frustrating to read the back and forth ‘race/ethnic’ issue.

[J-girl]

Well in Canada there is difference between East Indian and WEst Indian. East Indians are people from India and WEst Indians are people from West Indies- Guayana, Trinidad etc.- the Carribbean.

[gymgurl]

This whole issue with dating outside the ‘race’ is a bit frustrating. Don’t you all realize how big of an issue this is that it even is an issue? Ultimately we are all humans. We are all bipedal, can communicate through various forms of languages, and have somewhat coexisted with other animals for thousands of years. It shouldn’t be a problem to date another human (or even another animal if you wanted to). Don’t know what all of your beliefs are but one thing is certain is that we have existed for thousands of years and NO ONE on this planet is of pure ‘race/ethnicity’ or whatever other social construct you want to throw out there. We are all mixed with each other. In a way it is truly sad to see how these categorizations of humans have become such an issue. Don’t you all remember the phrase ‘divided we fall, united we stand’. This is exactly what those in power want--to keep the gaps of division so wide open that there is no possible way the masses will ever be united in anything.

Hopefully this doesn’t offend anyone but it is becoming a bit frustrating to read the back and forth ‘race/ethnic’ issue.


No kidding. If they give me grief, I'll just start threatening to date the cat! :D.... It's not like they make a big deal of the guy's income I date or something of that nature, so why his cultural background (again I can see if there are severe custom clashes but as of yet I have not seen any).

[CoffeeCup]

Haha, I'm Indian and I think this thread is funny. Involved in a war? Controlling you?

Your parents probably just finished watching the movie Gunga Din, and think this guy is going to pick up on a magic carpet and snake charm you into being his concubine

:huge:

[vivo]

This whole issue with dating outside the ‘race’ is a bit frustrating. Don’t you all realize how big of an issue this is that it even is an issue? Ultimately we are all humans. We are all bipedal, can communicate through various forms of languages, and have somewhat coexisted with other animals for thousands of years. It shouldn’t be a problem to date another human (or even another animal if you wanted to). Don’t know what all of your beliefs are but one thing is certain is that we have existed for thousands of years and NO ONE on this planet is of pure ‘race/ethnicity’ or whatever other social construct you want to throw out there. We are all mixed with each other. In a way it is truly sad to see how these categorizations of humans have become such an issue. Don’t you all remember the phrase ‘divided we fall, united we stand’. This is exactly what those in power want--to keep the gaps of division so wide open that there is no possible way the masses will ever be united in anything.

Hopefully this doesn’t offend anyone but it is becoming a bit frustrating to read the back and forth ‘race/ethnic’ issue.

suppose I wanted to date a dog of a member of this forum. How would I go about doing that? Would I have to secure the owners permission? Would I get the dog flowers? What would we do on our date? How would I even secure the dogs permission? How much hanky panky could be involved? haha :huge: :huge: :huge: :huge: :huge: :huge:

[vivo]

Well in Canada there is difference between East Indian and WEst Indian. East Indians are people from India and WEst Indians are people from West Indies- Guayana, Trinidad etc.- the Carribbean.

what about a west indian of east indian descent? What would they generally be referred to as? i;m mostly thinking about the people from trindidad, guyana, suriname.

[Kitty]

Your moms/parent's opinion might change if she actually met this guy and he was cool/nice/etc. I've seen that happen a lot of times with friends. It's easier to not like someone and disapprove of them when you haven't actually met them.

My parents don't care what race I date. I've dated other races and no one said a single thing to me..it was really a non-issue. My mom has always said that my happiness comes above all else.

[dddork]

what ethnicity is referred to when you guys say East Indian??

India/Pak/Nepal/Bangladesh : South Asia..

Vietnam/Lao/chinese/eastern side : East Asia..

Am I right??

[dddork]

Haha, I'm Indian and I think this thread is funny. Involved in a war? Controlling you?

Your parents probably just finished watching the movie Gunga Din, and think this guy is going to pick up on a magic carpet and snake charm you into being his concubine

:huge:


Yeah.. lol.. snake charmer to describe Indian culture.. I was so freaking pissed.. I'd have argh.. nvm..

[wordsmith]

West Indian = Caribbean.
East Indian = India.

I think of Vietnam and Laos and Thialand and Bangladesh, etc. as SE Asia.

[SmilesSoSweet]

West Indian = Caribbean.
East Indian = India.

I think of Vietnam and Laos and Thialand and Bangladesh, etc. as SE Asia.

I agree with the SE Asia thing too. At least that's how I've always understood it to be.

I'm not too clear on West Indian vs. East Indian though. I did have a childhood neighbor who was from India, but she would just say she was Indian and that's all I really knew of.

[Kitty]

I'm not too clear on West Indian vs. East Indian though. I did have a childhood neighbor who was from India, but she would just say she was Indian and that's all I really knew of.

I thought the term "East Indian" came about to differentiate from Native Americans/Indians.

[wordsmith]

Well, the Caribbean islands were the ones said to be mistaken for India by Columbus, and christened West Indies.

[dddork]

okay.. i m gonna enlighten you guys.

South Asia consists of the following territories (Indian subcontinent)
Bangladesh
Bhutan
India
Maldives
Nepal
Pakistan
Sri Lanka
Tibet (Note: Tibet is not included in the UN subregion)



South East Asia:

Brunei
Myanmar (formerly Burma)
Cambodia
East Timor (Timor Leste)
Indonesia
Lao PDR (Laos)
Malaysia
Philippines
Singapore
Thailand (formerly Siam)
Vietnam

West Indian : Carribean Islands. Guyana/Trini/Jamaica etc.. these people can be of Indian subcontinent descent but not necessarily have to be

[wordsmith]

In any case, I use East Indian to refer to people from India. Not the subcontinent. If they're from Pakistan, I won't say they're Indian, etc.

[hoodie]

For me, personally: no. For my parents: no. For my extended family: um, yeah. Is it right: no. Is it something that I can change: maybe not. Is it something to be aware of: yes.
I am totally in cahoots with this quote, it describes my situation to a tee if this issue were ever to come up.