Being Single is So Depressing [Archive]

KCboy

09-22-2006, 03:38 PM

As I sit here at work, I look around and see that everyone else is married.

All my friends are in relationships.

Everywhere I go I see a woman that I would like to go out with, or at least talk to, but never get the opportunity

(I'm such a wuss when it comes to approaching strange women, I never know if their smile or look is a que to approach).

And it's more about a relationship than sex. If I need sex, I know plenty of women that I could call, but they are the types that I could never or would never have a relationship with.

My friend was even telling me the other night: "Don't you want a girlfriend? I mean, aren't you lonely?" I just told him he's a dick.

But I do sit at home many nights wishing I had someone I could call and talk to, or have come over for no reason other than we wanted to see eachother. Someone to share the same interests, thoughts, weird sense of humor, etc, etc, etc.

It just seems like it'll never happen, and after a while you start questioning what wrong with yourself

(Plus, the only woman I've ever loved is getting married next month to the guy she dumped me for.)

Winter Storm

09-22-2006, 03:43 PM

As I sit here at work, I look around and see that everyone else is married.

First, just cause someone is married or in a relationship does not mean their life is so much better. I know of a few married or attached people who are bored out of their minds, frustrated, aggravated and miss the single life.

Second, have you tired online dating? It is a good way to meet people if you have trouble meeting them in person.

and1grad

09-22-2006, 03:45 PM

(Plus, the only woman I've ever loved is getting married next month to the guy she dumped me for.)
Ouch. Sorry to hear that. Are you over her?

CTGirl

09-22-2006, 03:48 PM

Ouch. Sorry to hear that. Are you over her?

ditto, if you havent totally recovered from that one, that could be causing you some trouble with new people.

I also second the suggestion for online dating. People often have a really negative impression of it, but I think its awesome (especially if you tend to prefer dorky shy guys like I do - that's where they're all hiding ;): )

KCboy

09-22-2006, 03:50 PM

Ouch. Sorry to hear that. Are you over her?

some days yes, some no.

but I figure by now she's probably not the same person I loved back then

KCboy

09-22-2006, 03:59 PM

Second, have you tired online dating? It is a good way to meet people if you have trouble meeting them in person.

tried once, little luck.

those things seem like such a scam. every time my service is about to expire, there are all these views and "winks" and all that crap. Then you renew...and nothing.

I also don't like the negative conotation: "We met on the interent" :googly:

And I've never actually met anyone that has had any luck with that stuff.

CTGirl

09-22-2006, 04:02 PM

tried once, little luck.

those things seem like such a scam. every time my service is about to expire, there are all these views and "winks" and all that crap. Then you renew...and nothing.

I also don't like the negative conotation: "We met on the interent" :googly:

And I've never actually met anyone that has had any luck with that stuff.

I know quite a few people who have had a lot of luck online, including myself.

The negative connotation is getting tired and old, and people need to get with the times

It's all about finding the site that's right for you. I love eharmony, but I've also known people to have a lot of success using match as well. Using crap like yahoo personals is probably not going to get you genuine match-ups, it all depends what you're using, and I know nothing of these "scams" you speak of.

KCboy

09-22-2006, 04:19 PM

and I know nothing of these "scams" you speak of.

"Not everyone that you meet on Match.com is just another Match.com member, " the lawsuit says. "They are Match.com employees with a secret, fraudulent mission."

Evans claims Match uses "date bait" — employees who pretend to be regular subscribers that flirt with members. The lawsuit claims online daters are often approached by date bait just as their subscriptions are about to expire. Victims receive "winks" and e-mails designed to trick them into renewing their membership, the suit alleges.

Evans also claims in the lawsuit that Match.com employees are required to go on "as many as 100 dates per month," and they are "stationed in most of the major U.S. cities."

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10098349/

bluup10

09-22-2006, 04:20 PM

I second CTGirl's post. I just had (once more) the most amazing date!! So, it just shows that it's possible to meet quality people online.

Sorry, I'm still in awe of just how well the date progressed! So, I'm not the best person to speak to. Or perhaps I am the best? Who knows? All I can tell you is that online dating is THE way to go.

wordsmith

09-22-2006, 04:24 PM

About 99% of my dating since moving to my current locale has been online, and I've never had a single problem (and only one "bad" date, and even that wasn't awful.). Since I've met virtually everyone I seriously corresponded with, and none of them have been match.com employees, I'm gonna chalk up the "bait" thing to bs.

CTGirl

09-22-2006, 04:24 PM

"Not everyone that you meet on Match.com is just another Match.com member, " the lawsuit says. "They are Match.com employees with a secret, fraudulent mission."

Evans claims Match uses "date bait" — employees who pretend to be regular subscribers that flirt with members. The lawsuit claims online daters are often approached by date bait just as their subscriptions are about to expire. Victims receive "winks" and e-mails designed to trick them into renewing their membership, the suit alleges.

Evans also claims in the lawsuit that Match.com employees are required to go on "as many as 100 dates per month," and they are "stationed in most of the major U.S. cities."

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10098349/

Yeah, I've heard about that, but the awesome guy that my boss is dating from that site is certainly real, and the former classmate who just married a guy she met on there, he was real, and my other boss's daughter who's dating a guy who rents planes to take her on dates now - he's real too

Bottom line: if you're going to look at things in a pessimistic light, then you're not gonna have an easy time dating :razz:

shimma

09-22-2006, 04:28 PM

My friend was even telling me the other night: "Don't you want a girlfriend? I mean, aren't you lonely?" I just told him he's a dick..)

Um, my friend that gets asked this question a lot (single guy), gets asked this question because his general demeanor and actions scream "I don't want a girlfriend!". So we don't try to fix him up with anyone.

So instead of telling your friend he's a dick, say something like "yes, I very much want a girlfriend, but I am having such a hard time meeting women. Do you know any quality single women?" That way, word gets out that you're "looking" and your friends will start trying to introduce you to people. In fact, he may have been trying to "feel you out" to see if you wanted to meet some specific woman he had in mind.

And try eharmony if you online date (which even though i didn't meet my fiance there i had good luck with and highly reccommend) because match sucks.

ladida

09-22-2006, 04:57 PM

You can go browse in the "marriage or LTR" forum in craigslist. There are so many depressing posts on there that will make you glad you're single :huge:

stonemonkey

09-23-2006, 04:41 AM

Being Single is So Depressing

...and being depressed keeps you single.

starryedd

09-23-2006, 09:55 AM

We seem to keep waiting for the world to change....like in that new John Mayer song lol.
Being single sucks...I have been since for 5 years now but as for online dating I have met some neat people on there. Even had a few good dates through match.com and have made some good friends. Seems like you have to put yourself out there, be confident, and be open to meeting new faces. I wish you luck! :-) Hang in there....

stonemonkey

09-23-2006, 07:58 PM

And it's more about a relationship than sex. If I need sex, I know plenty of women that I could call, but they are the types that I could never or would never have a relationship with.

I'm going to sound naive for asking this, but what's the difference between a sex-free relationship and a very close friendship? If it really isn't about sex and you just want someone to be close to, then that's the kind of bond you can have with someone regardless of their gender, right? I get that a close relationship with someone of the opposite gender is different to that which you would have with someone of the same gender, but if you take sex out of it, then don't they serve the same purpose?

ywt

09-24-2006, 02:22 PM

I'm going to agree with the consensus here. After I graduated college (2 years ago) I got a job in NJ, where I'd never lived, and didn't have any close friends. I met folks at work and such, but as far as getting dates, match.com was the biggest success I experienced. None of them turned into a LTR, but none of them were horrendous. In fact, I'm still friends with some of the folks I dated from match.com and even had a few of them introduce me to some of their female friends that they thought would be more my type.

So, even if you don't hit it off with someone on match or some other dating site, doesn't mean it can't still open doors for you.

wordsmith

09-24-2006, 03:37 PM

I'm going to sound naive for asking this, but what's the difference between a sex-free relationship and a very close friendship? If it really isn't about sex and you just want someone to be close to, then that's the kind of bond you can have with someone regardless of their gender, right? I get that a close relationship with someone of the opposite gender is different to that which you would have with someone of the same gender, but if you take sex out of it, then don't they serve the same purpose?

Close friendship=no attraction beyond the platonic
Sex-free relationship = attraction beyond the platonic.

Not the same thing.

wordsmith

09-24-2006, 03:38 PM

match.com was the biggest success I experienced. None of them turned into a LTR, but none of them were horrendous. In fact, I'm still friends with some of the folks I dated from match.com and even had a few of them introduce me to some of their female friends that they thought would be more my type.

So, even if you don't hit it off with someone on match or some other dating site, doesn't mean it can't still open doors for you.

Same experience, here.

stonemonkey

09-24-2006, 04:04 PM

Close friendship=no attraction beyond the platonic
Sex-free relationship = attraction beyond the platonic.

Not the same thing.

To me, attraction beyond the platonic implies sex, or at least the desire for it. But that's probably just me, I don't 'get' things easily.

wordsmith

09-24-2006, 04:17 PM

To me, attraction beyond the platonic implies sex, or at least the desire for it. But that's probably just me, I don't 'get' things easily.

Of course. But I've had plenty of relationships where I was sexually attracted and didn't have sex. Basically my entire teenage and young adult dating years, for instance, because I wasn't ready for it. But choosing not to have sex, for whatever reason, doesn't mean there's no attraction.

stonemonkey

09-24-2006, 04:20 PM

OK, maybe I should have phrased in better, by 'sex-free' I actually meant a relationship without any sexual attraction. I was referring to the OP where he says it's not about sex, and I was more asking well, if it's not about sex, then isn't that a relationship you can have with guys as well?

wordsmith

09-24-2006, 04:40 PM

See, I read him differently. I didn't take it that by sex-free, he was talking about a relationship with no sexual attraction, just one that it's not rooted solely in whether or not you're having sex. He was saying that he's looking for more than JUST sex. Not that he doesn't think sexual attraction is a component...it's just not solely what he's looking for, if he were, he could get that without a relationhship. But by looking for a relationship, he's acknowledging that sexuality is just one component of the whole, not the focal point.

Krishna

09-24-2006, 06:41 PM

and1grad

09-24-2006, 07:49 PM

shusenior2003

09-24-2006, 08:17 PM

Let me tell you, I am a single girl, VERY few of my friends are single. I have three friends right now who are engaged and SERIOUSLY, for the first time in years, we were all together last night, away, on a mini vacation. For the first time I saw how emeshed in their fiances' lives they had become. They had to call them as soon as we got to our destination, throughout the night to let them know what they were up to, and finally on the whole freaking car ride home, to let them know how close they were to them.

IN FACT, my friends were saying, as they were packing, their fiances had the gaul to take the shirt out that they wanted to wear to the club we were going to. WTF? If my BF ever did that to me, I'd be pretty insulted.

My single friend that was w/ us, said to me, "Seriously, you know, I am glad I am single. I do not have to worry about answering to anyone. I can just pick up and go away, do whatever I want. I am having the time of my life."

I have to agree with her, being 20-something does not mean that we have to rush to the altar to get married! Sure, it would be nice to meet a great guy and fall in love, but does it have to be now, hell NO! I am a firm believer before we can be with someone, we have to be happy with who we are and be okay with being alone (single) for a while.

Our generation is seriously a little backwards, back to the days when our grandparents were our age. The national average age for marriage has gone down recently among both men and women. That is a definate realization for our generation. We are so eager for co-dependence, that we are rushing to the altar. I just do not get this??? :)

lonestar

09-24-2006, 08:48 PM

As much as being single can be a downer, being shacked up ain't all that it's cracked up to be either... :razz:

wordsmith

09-24-2006, 11:43 PM

KCboy

09-25-2006, 03:23 PM

I'm going to sound naive for asking this, but what's the difference between a sex-free relationship and a very close friendship? If it really isn't about sex and you just want someone to be close to, then that's the kind of bond you can have with someone regardless of their gender, right? I get that a close relationship with someone of the opposite gender is different to that which you would have with someone of the same gender, but if you take sex out of it, then don't they serve the same purpose?

I meant that getting laid, or finding "friends with benefits" isn't a problem, but finding a relatiosnship is.

For whatever reason, either I cannot or do not want them as my girlfriend. Those reasons vary and will remain unnamed to protect any husbands that might see this and know me. :huge:

lonestar

09-25-2006, 03:51 PM

I seriously don't think being single is a downer. Unrequted affection, to me is a downer, being single b/c you're into somebody and he/she's not into you? Total downer. But just run of the mill being single? No big deal.

No but sleeping alone, eating alone, spending a sunday alone gets tired after a while. Like I said, it CAN be a downer. Having only one girlfriend in your entire life and knowing you probably aren't good enough to be in a relationship can be a downer as well. Singlehood is not neccesarily a choice...sometimes people have no hope of ever having an SO.

Winter Storm

09-25-2006, 03:53 PM

No but sleeping alone, eating alone, spending a sunday alone gets tired after a while. Like I said, it CAN be a downer.

I think what Words is getting at is the things you've listed are not specifically effects of being single, but the effects of just being alone.

You can be single and still have someone to sleep with, eat with and spend a Sunday afternoon with.

lonestar

09-25-2006, 03:55 PM

You can be single and still have someone to sleep with, eat with and spend a Sunday afternoon with.

Not everybody can have those luxuries...some of us are doomed to die alone. And that's a REAL downer...

wordsmith

09-25-2006, 04:01 PM

No but sleeping alone, eating alone, spending a sunday alone gets tired after a while. Like I said, it CAN be a downer. Having only one girlfriend in your entire life and knowing you probably aren't good enough to be in a relationship can be a downer as well. Singlehood is not neccesarily a choice...sometimes people have no hope of ever having an SO.

Sleeping alone, I can't do much about, and it bugs me sometimes (but mostly only immediately after a stretch of having somebody to sleep with, and having to get reacclimated to it again). Eating alone, eh, over it. Spending a Sunday alone, I rarely do, dating somebody or no...I at the very least spend a Sunday with my family, or get out of the house and go somewhere where people are.

It's highly unlikely you're single for life, most people aren't.

lonestar

09-25-2006, 04:04 PM

i'd say my chances look pretty good...6 months of relationship in 12 or so years of eligible dating years ain't too good a track record.

WorkInProgress

09-25-2006, 04:04 PM

Not everybody can have those luxuries...some of us are doomed to die alone. And that's a REAL downer...

No, I don't think anyone is DOOMED to die alone. Yes, some people do, but except for a few situations (truly catastrophic), I think it's a result of decisions made earlier in life, not some predestined endstate.

WorkInProgress

09-25-2006, 04:06 PM

No but sleeping alone, eating alone, spending a sunday alone gets tired after a while.

It beats doing those things with somebody you don't like and/or love.

Winter Storm

09-25-2006, 04:09 PM

Not everybody can have those luxuries...some of us are doomed to die alone. And that's a REAL downer...

I tend to think if you think you're doomed, then you are dooming yourself.

And I used to think this way. Ever heard of self-fulfilling prophesy? I hated when people offered that suggestion but I couldn't help but notice that my gloomy predictions always came out right. Had to consider that maybe it was the case.

I also learned to become a better single person. I got tired of being a miserable single and wanted somuch to be more like my happy, single friends. I learned to look at things from their perspective and it has helped me.

CTGirl

09-25-2006, 04:13 PM

I tend to think if you think you're doomed, then you are dooming yourself.

And I used to think this way. Ever heard of self-fulfilling prophesy? I hated when people offered that suggestion but I couldn't help but notice that my gloomy predictions always came out right. Had to consider that maybe it was the case.

I also learned to become a better single person. I got tired of being a miserable single and wanted somuch to be more like my happy, single friends. I learned to look at things from their perspective and it has helped me.

Exactly, and the interesting thing is, the more "okay" you are with being single, the more appealing you are to others as a person to date. No one wants to get involved with someone who's miserable about life, that's not fun.

lonestar

09-25-2006, 04:15 PM

Winter Storm

09-25-2006, 04:21 PM

It works for people who can intergrate well into society and are just normal people. I have always known that I wouldn't be able to cut in society with normal looking people. You don't get called "pig-man", "yoda", "loser", or "troll" all throughout high school AND college (when I was at Northeastern U) and not realize that the people calling you these things are right. Relationships rarely happen for people like me; I don't expect it to happen. Still, it can be depressing.

I don't know, man. People make all types of comments for all types of reasons and it doesn't have to be right unless you allow it. I think in high school I was called 'stuck-up', 'wannebe white', 'oreo', 'bitch', 'slut', '4-eyed geek', 'nerd', etc. by people who didn't know me, didn't wanna know me and for whatever reason hated something about me. That doesn't make their words truth unless I accepted it as my own. And I never did. And for that reason alone, I am none of those things.

Plus, who the hell cares what some asswipes on high school said about you? They were obvious dicks. Don't let them determine your worth.

WorkInProgress

09-25-2006, 04:22 PM

Wallow if you want. We can't all be beauty queens, and I've seen some less fortunate looking people paired up with people.

and1grad

09-25-2006, 04:28 PM

It works for people who can intergrate well into society and are just normal people. I have always known that I wouldn't be able to cut in society with normal looking people. You don't get called "pig-man", "yoda", "loser", or "troll" all throughout high school AND college (when I was at Northeastern U) and not realize that the people calling you these things are right. Relationships rarely happen for people like me; I don't expect it to happen. Still, it can be depressing.
Dont make me throw that Vonage box at you. People say stupid things by default...especially in school. Nobody's opinion of you matters as much as yours. If you dont think highly of yourself, why should anyone else, right? Personally, I think that demands that you think highly of you...or else you're not doing yourself justice.

lonestar

09-25-2006, 04:29 PM

Dont make me throw that Vonage box at you. People say stupid things by default...especially in school. Nobody's opinion of you matters as much as yours. If you dont think highly of yourself, why should anyone else, right? Personally, I think that demands that you think highly of you...or else you're not doing yourself justice.

I love that commercial!