Fight with Live-In G/F

[robinhood2003]

...ok. After a great night walking around NYC tonight, my g/f and I were taking the subway back home. All of a sudden, this guy (who looks like he's homeless) asked me how old I am and what was I doing (I was at the moment looking at my bug bites that I was picking a little bit at). He was trying to really get my g/f and I upset and start an argument. My g/f started arguing back and saying "what's it to you if he does that". He then started asking my g/f why does she bite her nails. She then started defending herself as to why he cares what she does. He replied that he just likes asking and that it's childish that we are both doing what we are doing. Then a total nice stranger started getting into the middle and saying to this guy that why is he bothering us since we haven't done anything (he was clearly trying to make sure this guy wasn't bothering us). However, I just thought it would be easier to just get off the subway and either walk up to the apt (since it was a nice night) or take the next subway. Well, when I was trying to get my g/f's attention privately and telling her to get off with me, she was completely ignoring me (wanting to start an argument with the idot) and then I got off and she was slowly getting off, but with hestiation b/c she felt that she shouldn't let the guy win and intimiate us. Then my g/f and I got mad at each other. I told her that rather than arguing back and irritating the guy to the point that he could get a knife and stab us or her, that we should just ignore him. Then my g/f got mad at the fact that I got up and left without her. I was annoyed that she wouldn't want to leave and just ignore this guy.....anyhow, now she's made at me for leaving her and not defending her (which wasn't the case, but if you're going to ensue a fight and get the guy pissed to the point that he'll do something, then you should walk away, unless you're forced)....and I'm mad at her for not ignoring the guy considering how there are random killings (which honestly don't happen that often to be realistic, but I wouldn't want to take the chance). I'm not saying that I wouldn't defend her if it came to that point, but why escalate the situation to that level.....

What are everyone's thoughts....both male and female....?

[shinyleaf]

i'm a female, and I would sincerely prefer my husband to do the exact same thing as you did. I would, however, prefer that he hold me by the arm as we exited the subway, and not walk ahead of me.

what you described didn't sound like a fight worth fighting. The guy was likely crazy, and you can't really reason with crazy people.

tell your girlfriend you would have stuck up for her if the argument were about something less ridiculous - like if he called her a 'ho or something. Even in that case, you should give him a big fuck-you and get off the train. Not.Worth.It.

[gymgurl]

Wow, first, all I can say is I'm happy I don't live in NYC.... that's some scary stuff.

I think you were right in the situation, best to just get up and walk away however getting off without her with you (or in front of you)...I could see her being a little upset. It is a very hard situation to deal with and I do think she was wrong the way she was handling it and shouldn't have let her temper at him get carried away to start an arguement.

I'm not really sure though what to tell you though on how to deal with the fight between you and her. IMO she is somewhat in the wrong though (fighting back with him).

[robinhood2003]

Wow, first, all I can say is I'm happy I don't live in NYC.... that's some scary stuff.

I think you were right in the situation, best to just get up and walk away however getting off without her with you (or in front of you)...I could see her being a little upset. It is a very hard situation to deal with and I do think she was wrong the way she was handling it and shouldn't have let her temper at him get carried away to start an arguement.

I'm not really sure though what to tell you though on how to deal with the fight between you and her. IMO she is somewhat in the wrong though (fighting back with him).

ha ha.....honestly, NYC is a really great place to live. Like any cities, you got those *&ssHol*& and then there are other really great people. It's just when you can just walk away and not instigate a situation, then why not. It's really a stupid arguement between my g/f and me.....:)

[gymgurl]

ha ha.....honestly, NYC is a really great place to live. Like any cities, you got those *&ssHol*& and then there are other really great people. It's just when you can just walk away and not instigate a situation, then why not. It's really a stupid arguement between my g/f and me.....:)

Yah, no, I'm sure it is a decent place just have to know the right areas. And in all honesty I think I'd love to live there and hope to actually visit sometime soon. I've always been a big city type of girl.

You are right though it's a silly arguement but your gf should understand you were thinking of your and hers best interests.

[winneythepooh7]

I think you did the right thing, and if your girlfriend has lived in NYC this long and doesn't realize that by having you "defend her" for such idiotic stuff could really put you both in danger..........well, she really is an idiot. Sorry guy.........but that's just dumb. I am as bitchy as they come and have no problems speaking up when someone irriates me on the train, bus, etc. but I also have the smarts enough to also walk away and get out of an escalating situation.

[LaFille]

I think you did the right thing, and if your girlfriend has lived in NYC this long and doesn't realize that by having you "defend her" for such idiotic stuff could really put you both in danger..........well, she really is an idiot. Sorry guy.........but that's just dumb. I am as bitchy as they come and have no problems speaking up when someone irriates me on the train, bus, etc. but I also have the smarts enough to also walk away and get out of an escalating situation.

not to mention... this guy sounded like he probably had some mental problems... he obviously has a distorted view of things or was on something if he thinks its ok to start a fight like this, and therefore it's probably not worth trying to have a rational argument with him

[and1grad]

No way around it...she's being ridiculous.

[LaFille]

No way around it...she's being ridiculous.

now that you mention it, she is being so ridiculous that you have to wonder why... have you asked her if there is anything ELSE that's bothering her? i know when i am either mad at someone or upset about something in my life, i sometimes take it out on someone who has nothing to do with my frustration...

[wordsmith]

Your girlfriend is being an idiot, getting into a combative situation with a possibly unstable stranger on a train. It's ALWAYS best to ignore, or just get off the train and wait for the next one...Especially if you have somebody with you, so you don't have to do it alone. Once when I was essentially held captive, along with a whole train car of others on the Chicago El, by a belligerent crazy who was hopped up on god knows what, I was too afraid to just get off, because I had the gut feeling he'd follow me if I did, and then I'd be standing alone on a platform with a crazy crackhead.

If it's really that important to her to "win" a battle of intimidation with a crazy stranger on a train, she has problems. It's far easier to show you're not intimidated by ignoring the jerk completely and staring straight ahead like you don't even see or hear him.

[rocket333d]

If she kept the fight going and expected you to step in and defend her, then she is putting you in danger. That's awful that she thinks you weren't being considerate when she was the one getting herself in trouble.