Sex sub-forum......

[winneythepooh7]

Now that these changes are a-comin' I am waiting for someone to suggest a Sex forum so we can get things a-cummin. (I'm in an odd mood this evening)........

[Winter Storm]

Oooooooh, yeah! :cool:

[grneyedmustang]

Sounds good.... :cool:

[ywt]

Throw in another "yea" vote.

[spokes]

aaallllrrriiigghhhttttyyy then - so lets talk about sex - who is getting some.

i am not...................

[workaholic?]

ha...i am! sometimes more than i want...but, it's just psychological. if my boyfriend plays hard to get in bed, then i'm all over him. if he's all over me...eh. it's all about who initiates the contact for me.

[Winter Storm]

Who could go for some sex right now:

(raises hand)

ME!

[vivo]

Who could go for some sex right now:

(raises hand)

ME!


hmmmmmmmm?????? (light goes off in head) :huge:

[old_school_soul]

Great sex is like great Belgian dark chocolate chocolate. You have it in small doses and not every day, yet is very satisfying. Shitty mediocre sex is like a Hershey's bar, never satisfying yet you crave it everyday.

[tina1979]

I did last weekend. :)

[grneyedmustang]

<------------ Not getting any.... :rolleyes:

[SmilesSoSweet]

I did within the last month. That ended my months-long drought, but I'm hoping that things will continue with this guy.

[Jedi of Zen]

At the risk of getting a bit lewd - when I think of my own sex life, I'm reminded of the joke I heard once on Conan O'Brien about the lonely old man, for whom, it had been so long since he had sex that he was beginning to shoot dust out of his member.

[CTGirl]

At the risk of getting a bit lewd - when I think of my own sex life, I'm reminded of the joke I heard once on Conan O'Brien about the lonely old man, for whom, it had been so long since he had sex that he was beginning to shoot dust out of his member.

lol, eeewwww

[BlueEyedFunOne]

I'm lucky enough to have the opportunity for it whenever I want, with a great partner (BF), but lately I'm not interested at all.

I think it's because I'm stressed. :frustrate

[chicagogirl]

Great sex is like great Belgian dark chocolate chocolate. You have it in small doses and not every day, yet is very satisfying. Shitty mediocre sex is like a Hershey's bar, never satisfying yet you crave it everyday.

Ahahahahahahahaha! Except I never crave Hershey's chocolate.... ;):

[Viola]

Yea, I'm in a pretty new relationship (3.5 months) and our sex feels more like making love. I've had lots of sex with my ex, but this is actual love making. maybe i'm being naive but i'm sure it's the best i've had so far because of my boyfriend's attitude, giving, not selfish, eye gazing and all. May change, but for now I'm super satisfied and happy.

[PenforPrez]

At the risk of getting a bit lewd - when I think of my own sex life, I'm reminded of the joke I heard once on Conan O'Brien about the lonely old man, for whom, it had been so long since he had sex that he was beginning to shoot dust out of his member.

Been so long for me, they're about to hand me my v-card back. :redface:

[Brillo25]

Been so long for me, they're about to hand me my v-card back. :redface:
If they misplaced yours, I'd be happy to give you mine :rolleyes:

[PenforPrez]

Thanks! :huge: :p

[spokes]

i guess the ones getting some are too busy to post about - lucks bastards.....

[mishl982]

i guess the ones getting some are too busy to post about - lucks bastards.....
Last night! muahahahhahaha!

[spokes]

yeah me too - my right hand is still sore.

[GoogleGirl]

Has anyone who is in an LDR gotten so antsy to the point where you're almost willing to um...talk about what you would do, as if you were with your SO, on the phone? I'm just curious because I don't think anyone has mentioned that yet.

[PenforPrez]

i guess the ones getting some are too busy to post about - lucks bastards.....

We need a new QLC Support Group: "We Ain't Gettin' Any!" :huge:

[wordsmith]

Ahahahahahahahaha! Except I never crave Hershey's chocolate.... ;):

That's okay, I never crave shitty, mediocre sex!

[asm198]

We need a new QLC Support Group: "We Ain't Gettin' Any!" :huge:

HAHAHA!! Love it!

Pen, if I knew of anyone in your area that would be worthy of dating, I'd definitely point them your way. Not that it helps, but I find you amusing.

[PenforPrez]

Pen, if I knew of anyone in your area that would be worthy of dating, I'd definitely point them your way. Not that it helps, but I find you amusing.

Thank you. :redface: My humor is very hit or miss; glad to be a hit with one person, at least. :)


HAHAHA!! Love it!

I just realized a huge problem with the idea. There's a few of us here (myself included) whose sexual droughts are extending through multiple years. That could lead to some really strange posts. . . .

"I thought about Condy Rice last night. My God, she was a tigress in bed!! :eek: "

:huge:

Paul

[spokes]

Has anyone who is in an LDR gotten so antsy to the point where you're almost willing to um...talk about what you would do, as if you were with your SO, on the phone? I'm just curious because I don't think anyone has mentioned that yet.

do you mean phone sex???

[tina1979]

That's okay, I never crave shitty, mediocre sex!
me either, but thats all I've been getting lately... :frustrate

[Tenshi28]

i guess the ones getting some are too busy to post about - lucks bastards.....

Sorry I didn't post before, I was too busy having sex.


Okay, okay, I apologize for that sad attempt of being funny. :huge:

[CTGirl]

Has anyone who is in an LDR gotten so antsy to the point where you're almost willing to um...talk about what you would do, as if you were with your SO, on the phone? I'm just curious because I don't think anyone has mentioned that yet.

LOL, I assume this is a subtle way to say "phone sex"

Yeah, most people I know have done it aleast once, it can be fun, especially if you're drunk, lol.

[SmilesSoSweet]

LOL, I assume this is a subtle way to say "phone sex"

Yeah, most people I know have done it aleast once, it can be fun, especially if you're drunk, lol.

LOL, that's too funny. Yeah, I knew a few people who have as well just because it was an LDR.

My "drought" ended, but I have a feeling it'll pick up once again. Oh well :frustrate

[LaFille]

LOL, I assume this is a subtle way to say "phone sex"

Yeah, most people I know have done it aleast once, it can be fun, especially if you're drunk, lol.


um, not me... that would be a disaster. the only guy in my life i would do that with right now lives in france, and when we talk we normally have a bad connection or a slight delay... SO not sexy! :huge:

[CTGirl]

It doesnt have to be a LDR to have phone sex, silly people :razz:

I've only done it once myself, but it was with a guy who lived 10 minutes away, he happened to be too drunk to come over at the time, so we had a nice phone conversation instead, lol.

[LaFille]

haha ok, well, i don't have a guy 10 minutes away, only 10 one a 10 hour flight and a bad phone connection away. :huge:

so, just out of curiosity, how do you initiate these 'conversations?'

[CTGirl]

so, just out of curiosity, how do you initiate these 'conversations?'

I dont know how most people do it, but for me, it's incredibly unappealing to be like "hey honey, lets have phone sex tonight" :googly: I much prefer things to just happen when they happen. It totally depends on the people though, I suppose. Me and that guy talked about sex on the phone all the time, so that time we just went a little further and got more detailed about it basically, it's not like we decided to go there or planned it out.

[Nelzie]

I've never had phone sex, always wondered about it though. I might have to try it with my new guy, he lives an hour away and we can only see each other once a week if we're lucky.

speaking of which, I actually turned down sex this weekend. How foolish am I? I did it for good reason though, although it was very hard. Before this guy it was quite a while before I got any. And this is not Hershey bar sex either, its pretty damn good.

[hoodie]

I did it for good reason though, although it was very hard.

I think I need to grow up. I know that wasn't supposed to sound lewd, but in the context of turning down sex, it did, and I burst out laughing.

[ywt]

Has anyone who is in an LDR gotten so antsy to the point where you're almost willing to um...talk about what you would do, as if you were with your SO, on the phone? I'm just curious because I don't think anyone has mentioned that yet.

My SO lives several hours away, and we usually see each other once a week or once every two weeks. I don't think we've ever had phone sex per se, but certainly phone innuendos, if that makes any sense ;):

And to answer the main question in this thread, I had some Dove Bar sex this weekend. Better than Hershey's, but not of a Godiva level.

[Jedi of Zen]

so, just out of curiosity, how do you initiate these 'conversations?'


I usually initiate mine by punching my credit card digits into the phone... :razz:

[CTGirl]

I usually initiate mine by punching my credit card digits into the phone... :razz:

Its much better when you get it for free ;)

[GoogleGirl]

I'm sorry it took so long to respond to this, I've been submerged in sooooo much paperwork/school work and it's just ridiculous. Yes, I was talking about phone sex. I'm just shy about saying it so bluntly. lol It's just that...I think I've kinda initiated this whole thing with my bf since we are about 1300 miles apart at the moment and we really haven't spoken about sex since he left 3 months ago. I just needed some way to stay "connected" in that way, and this seemed to be the answer. That, and I was just curious about others' take on the whole idea.

[PenforPrez]

Its much better when you get it for free ;)

Phone sex with a cute friend is HOT. Not that I would know. *cough cough* :redface:

[Still Looking]

Sometimes everyday, and other times once or twice a month. When I am in a relationship, its pretty steady but I have been single now for two months. Now I have to settle for some mediocre every so often. Oh well.............that's life!

[LaFille]

do you guys feel like you 'need sex' to function properly? just curious...

[GoogleGirl]

this may sound crazy but, I think for me sex is a stress reliever in many cases. And considering the huge amount of stress I'm under right now....sex is always on the mind. I don't think it's as much a need to function per se, but rather...a way to destress. :huge: Just sucks that I can't really do anything about that right now though...

[springhaze]

hmm...if you're far away webcam&voice chat sex is even better than phone sex, IMO ;)

[PenforPrez]

do you guys feel like you 'need sex' to function properly? just curious...

I don't, but that's because it's been so long that I've learned to live without. The thought of a man learning to live without sex has revolutionary implications. :rolleyes:

Paul

[labrat2111]

hmm...if you're far away webcam&voice chat sex is even better than phone sex, IMO ;)

I'll second that.

[phaedra]

hehehe, I tried the web cam option before with my current boyfriend when we were living 2 hours away from each other. It was a disaster because the internet connection kept resetting. I'd be getting into things and then "WTF?! The camera's not even working now!" It was a total mood killer.

[asm198]

hmm...if you're far away webcam&voice chat sex is even better than phone sex, IMO ;)

All of those are a thousand times better than cybersex.

[vivo]

Oh baby, you're so hot. take it off! woo! woo!

[veniqe]

Now that these changes are a-comin' I am waiting for someone to suggest a Sex forum so we can get things a-cummin. (I'm in an odd mood this evening)........

Yeah baby!!!

I had sex just last week Saturday. It really wasn't that great. I can have sex whenever I like. I just don't, cause I'm not in a relationship, just dating.

And I think I scared a potential guy off just half an hour ago cause I revealed just how open minded I am... Not the first time, either. Some guy decided that it's not good to date me cause I've got porn on my laptop! I'm glad he did!! :googly:

[PenforPrez]

I had sex just last week Saturday.

Sex?? What's that?? :razz:

And I think I scared a potential guy off just half an hour ago cause I revealed just how open minded I am... Not the first time, either. Some guy decided that it's not good to date me cause I've got porn on my laptop! I'm glad he did!! :googly:

What is WRONG with this man?? That's all I know to say; still too stunned. :neutral:

Paul

[GoogleGirl]

question: do some guys find it difficult to bring up the topic of sex with girls? And more specificly, with girlfriends? I think I may have this problem with my bf. I dunno if he;s just scared to bring it up, or he just doesnt wanna talk about it since we are...oh..1300 miles apart. i dunno. I dont want to have to initiate the talk with him every time I feel like we should talk about it. :googly:

[weary]

*sigh*

sometimes i think i'm learning to live without it and other times i feel like "how will i ever learn to live without it?!" :redface:

what really sucks is that just getting some doesn't make the feeling of needing it go away. i really need that intimacy level. and sometimes i don't think i'll ever have that again. :googly:

[Nelzie]

I had sex last night and this morning. I don't know how many of you watch Grey's Anatomy, but Izzy was so right when talking about the 'beast'. Before my current guy, it had been a little over a year, and I was doing alright. Now I usually can have sex every Saturday (and only Saturday due to our schedules), and all week I start to go stir crazy for it. I think if you go long enough without it you can start to not need it as much, but then once you get it again you want it all the time.

[spokes]

And I think I scared a potential guy off just half an hour ago cause I revealed just how open minded I am... Not the first time, either. Some guy decided that it's not good to date me cause I've got porn on my laptop! I'm glad he did!! :googly:

i think i saw this guy on Maury one day. He was the average looking dude turning down sex with two really hot looking women.

[PenforPrez]

i think i saw this guy on Maury one day. He was the average looking dude turning down sex with two really hot looking women.

Who was the father?? :huge:

[SunnyCee]

I have a question related to this thread, kinda personal and not right for main broadcasting--if anyone wants, can you pm me? Thanks!

[Honey418]

Thank you. :redface: My humor is very hit or miss; glad to be a hit with one person, at least. :)




I just realized a huge problem with the idea. There's a few of us here (myself included) whose sexual droughts are extending through multiple years. That could lead to some really strange posts. . . .

"I thought about Condy Rice last night. My God, she was a tigress in bed!! :eek: "

:huge:

Paul

Years? How does that happen- are you super picky?

[Honey418]

LOL, that's too funny. Yeah, I knew a few people who have as well just because it was an LDR.

My "drought" ended, but I have a feeling it'll pick up once again. Oh well :frustrate

I had a friend in a LDR (seperate countries a part) and they use to send naked pictures of themselves to each other, I thought that was pretty creative.

[CTGirl]

I had a friend in a LDR (seperate countries a part) and they use to send naked pictures of themselves to each other, I thought that was pretty creative.

You don't have to be in a LDR for that ;)

[PenforPrez]

Years? How does that happen- are you super picky?

It comes down to the no's for me:

No single girls, no way to meet any
No dates, as a result
No willingness to screw just anything
No sex for me until I feel some connection
No FWB; I develop feelings WAY too easily for that

I'm NOT super-picky; I just have no luck whatsoever.

Paul

[Brillo25]

It comes down to the no's for me:

No single girls, no way to meet any
No dates, as a result
No willingness to screw just anything
No sex for me until I feel some connection
No FWB; I develop feelings WAY too easily for that

I'm NOT super-picky; I just have no luck whatsoever.

Paul
Me too, dude. Droughts of years (or thus far never) can happen more easily than people realize. A lot of it depends on your circumstances, your standards, how outgoing you are, your unwillingness to play games in order to get laid, etc.

[veniqe]

So when is this Sex Sub Forum thing going to happen? :)

[PenforPrez]

Me too, dude. Droughts of years (or thus far never) can happen more easily than people realize. A lot of it depends on your circumstances, your standards, how outgoing you are, your unwillingness to play games in order to get laid, etc.

Assholes get laid. Guys with values don't. Imagine that. :rolleyes:

[Brillo25]

Assholes get laid. Guys with values don't. Imagine that. :rolleyes:
Case in point: I recently had a girl I went out with a few times who clearly would have wanted to go all the way before too long, but also clearly doesn't want to have sex with anyone without major strings attached. While she was a good enough person, I'm pretty sure I didn't feel relationship chemistry there. A lot of guys, especially in a "drought" like mine, would have just told her what she wanted to hear, gotten some, then let her down. I spared her feelings and didn't even get started. So, I continue to never get any. Not fair.

[LaFille]

Assholes get laid. Guys with values don't. Imagine that. :rolleyes:
oh gosh, don't even go there...

[CTGirl]

Look, if you guys want to continue to pursue the wrong kind of girls, you're going to continue having this problem. Don't go saying that shit about "girls dont go for nice guys" cuz that is just not true.

Case in point: I have been working my ass off, and turning down many offers from less-"nice" guys, in an effort to snag a typical "nice guy" so there :razz:

[stonemonkey]

Look, if you guys want to continue to pursue the wrong kind of girls, you're going to continue having this problem. Don't go saying that shit about "girls dont go for nice guys" cuz that is just not true.

Case in point: I have been working my ass off, and turning down many offers from less-"nice" guys, in an effort to snag a typical "nice guy" so there :razz:

Sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree here. You say it like it's so easy, like all we have to do is just start pursuing the 'right' kind of girl. But come on, what do you think we're doing? No guy approaches a girl expecting her to be the 'wrong' kind. We aren't that stupid, we don't actively seek to be rejected. Saying shit like that is like me saying "well, girls should stop complaining about guys being assholes and just pick guys who are nice and won't treat them like shit.'

I'm not sure that you quite understand that on the one hand, these guys have years of experience of being shot down as a result of 'being nice', only to see her walk away and get screwed by the asshole, as though being treated like shit is what she actually wanted all along. And then on the other hand they have other people claiming that girls DO go for 'nice guys', which frankly, echo like hollow, baseless sentiments when the vast majority of girls aren't like that. I'm not saying that you're lying, but I'm just telling you how incredible it sounds. It's very hard to believe something like this when everything you've seen and experienced contradicts it.

[PenforPrez]

Look, if you guys want to continue to pursue the wrong kind of girls, you're going to continue having this problem. Don't go saying that shit about "girls dont go for nice guys" cuz that is just not true.

Case in point: I have been working my ass off, and turning down many offers from less-"nice" guys, in an effort to snag a typical "nice guy" so there :razz:

I still have the more fundamental problem of not being able to meet single girls. ANYWHERE. I can't pursue ANYBODY.

Can't get dates when you can't meet single girls; can't get laid either. Well, you COULD, but that's why the courts define "crimes of passion." :rolleyes:

Paul

[stonemonkey]

I still have the more fundamental problem of not being able to meet single girls. ANYWHERE. I can't pursue ANYBODY.

Well with that attitude, you're certainly not going to get anywhere.

[PenforPrez]

Well with that attitude, you're certainly not going to get anywhere.

I don't make this up. I wish I was. :googly:

[veniqe]

I'm gonna get atttacked for this but it's true. I'm in that stage where I doubt that a "nice guy" is gonna be exciting. He's not going to dare rip off my clothes...He'll more than likely ask before he does anything. "Would you mind if we have sex now? " Yawn. :googly: My dad (step dad) is a nice guy. And my mom makes all the decisions. He has to ask her for pocket money, though he's the breadwinner!!!

Besides, I need someone who can take me on. I've got my mom's personality, unfortunately. Therefore, a nice guy's just not gonna do it for me. Sorry.

[stonemonkey]

Don't be sorry, you're attracted to what you're attracted to, simple as that. I'm just glad you're honest.

[CTGirl]

Sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree here. You say it like it's so easy, like all we have to do is just start pursuing the 'right' kind of girl. But come on, what do you think we're doing? No guy approaches a girl expecting her to be the 'wrong' kind. We aren't that stupid, we don't actively seek to be rejected. Saying shit like that is like me saying "well, girls should stop complaining about guys being assholes and just pick guys who are nice and won't treat them like shit.'

I'm not sure that you quite understand that on the one hand, these guys have years of experience of being shot down as a result of 'being nice', only to see her walk away and get screwed by the asshole, as though being treated like shit is what she actually wanted all along. And then on the other hand they have other people claiming that girls DO go for 'nice guys', which frankly, echo like hollow, baseless sentiments when the vast majority of girls aren't like that. I'm not saying that you're lying, but I'm just telling you how incredible it sounds. It's very hard to believe something like this when everything you've seen and experienced contradicts it.

Believe what you want to believe, but it's precisely this attitude that makes it hard for "nice guys" to get the girl.

You're basically creating a self-fulfilling prophecy for yourself here, and so you're gonna get just what you think you're gonna get.

I personally have grown out of the "bad boy" bullshit, and I have learned that "nice guys" often have more to them than meets the eye, and they can give a girl far more than those stupid "bad boys" can, including the stuff mentioned above, you've just gotta give em a chance. If, however, a guy has an attitude like what you're expressing above, that comes across to a girl, and it's gonna make it harder for her to want to pursue that. (I'ts just like no guy wants to start something with one of those "all men suck" type of girls)

Also, as we've discussed on other threads in the past, there's a big difference between a guy being a "nice guy" and a guy being a total pushover who can't stand up for himself.

[LaFille]

Also, as we've discussed on other threads in the past, there's a big difference between a guy being a "nice guy" and a guy being a total pushover who can't stand up for himself.

AMEN! i'm sick of supposedly 'nice guys' blaming women for being idiots for not choosing to date them. i love nice guys. i hate assholes. but i like nice guys who are confident, assertive, and fun, not sobbing puppies that follow girls around wimpering.

[wordsmith]

Me too, dude. Droughts of years (or thus far never) can happen more easily than people realize. A lot of it depends on your circumstances, your standards, how outgoing you are, your unwillingness to play games in order to get laid, etc.


Long-term droughts aren't so unfathomable, it depends on what your personal preferences and standards are. Totally agree.

I don't do FWBs, I don't get laid just to get laid, there must be actual emotional intimacy involved, and you just don't find that under ever rock you turn over, especially when you're a woman, looking for an emotional connection from men, who are by and large hardwired to prioritize sex way over the accompanying intimacy (not all, just most). So a lot of waiting for the preferable type of connection, when that's not the case, is par for the course. Just the way it is, unless it's that important to me to get laid that I retool my personal preferences and expectations. And truth be known, it's really just not. I could just go out and get laid if it were that important to me to just get laid...hell, anybody could. I don't miss sex when I'm not getting it, at least, I don't JUST miss sex, sex is easy enough to be had; orgasms easy enough to come by. I miss the intimacy. Sex is easy to find, sex accompanied by intimacy's not.

[stonemonkey]

Believe what you want to believe, but it's precisely this attitude that makes it hard for "nice guys" to get the girl.

You're basically creating a self-fulfilling prophecy for yourself here, and so you're gonna get just what you think you're gonna get.

I personally have grown out of the "bad boy" bullshit, and I have learned that "nice guys" often have more to them than meets the eye, and they can give a girl far more than those stupid "bad boys" can, including the stuff mentioned above, you've just gotta give em a chance. If, however, a guy has an attitude like what you're expressing above, that comes across to a girl, and it's gonna make it harder for her to want to pursue that. (I'ts just like no guy wants to start something with one of those "all men suck" type of girls)

Also, as we've discussed on other threads in the past, there's a big difference between a guy being a "nice guy" and a guy being a total pushover who can't stand up for himself.

If you knew me, you would know that I'm not a 'pushover'. While I appreciate that you've grown out of the 'bad boy' bullshit, I still stand by my point that not every other girl is the same as you. If girls like you really were everywhere, then guys like brillo and penn would have no problems whatsoever.

It's almost as if no guy is good enough, ever. The one's who are 'bad' are obviously assholes, and the one's who are 'nice' aren't exciting enough, or they're too 'easy'. So we have to artificially make things more difficult than they would be otherwise, we offer up some resistance, in other words, we start playing games.

I'm so fucking sick of this.

[wordsmith]

If you knew me, you would know that I'm not a 'pushover'. While I appreciate that you've grown out of the 'bad boy' bullshit, I still stand by my point that not every other girl is the same as you. If girls like you really were everywhere, then guys like brillo and penn would have no problems whatsoever.

No, brillo and pen (no offense to you guys) just need to find women who are interested in them. Same as any of us do (welll, men, for some of us). A woman not being interested in you doesn't make her a shitty person who has issues or only wants "bad boys." She's simply a woman who's not interested in you. We're ALL up against that sort of thing.

[stonemonkey]

No, brillo and pen (no offense to you guys) just need to find women who are interested in them. Same as any of us do (welll, men, for some of us). A woman not being interested in you doesn't make her a shitty person who has issues or only wants "bad boys." She's simply a woman who's not interested in you. We're ALL up against that sort of thing.

Well yeah, that is true. I'm just getting sick of hearing about women complaining that there are no nice guys when clearly there are. But somehow they're not good enough because they're wussy pushovers. But then if they start to act like they're not pushovers, then they're accused of game playing.

Moreover, I'm sick of the blanket statements that make everything sound so freaking easy. Confident, assertive and fun? That's half the freaking guys on this board. Don't assume that just because you're after a certain thing, that every other girl in the world is of the same mind.

If people really feel the need to play the blanket statements game, then fine, I can play it just as well. Next time a girl complains about there not being any decent guys around, then I'll tell her that it's actually her fault for not being good looking enough.

[asm198]

No, brillo and pen (no offense to you guys) just need to find women who are interested in them. Same as any of us do (welll, men, for some of us). A woman not being interested in you doesn't make her a shitty person who has issues or only wants "bad boys." She's simply a woman who's not interested in you. We're ALL up against that sort of thing.

Word, word, word. If a girl doesn't start dry humping you or starts planning the wedding, doesn't mean you're a loser or she's only interested in 'bad boys'. And honestly, what exactly IS a 'bad boy', anyway? Maybe she's simply just not interested? That could be for any reason. Maybe she's just not wanting to date because she just came out of a breakup or just wants to be single? Or she could be leaving the area soon and doesn't want to start anything? Or maybe the moment that you came up to her, she was in a bad mood/wasn't looking for a relationship or date/just wanted to be out in public for whatever reason?

Dating is a crap shoot, plain and simple. There are no guaranteed rules about it. What works for one person won't work for someone else. What works ON one person, won't work for another.

[LaFille]

Well yeah, that is true. I'm just getting sick of hearing about women complaining that there are no nice guys when clearly there are. But somehow they're not good enough because they're wussy pushovers. But then if they start to act like they're not pushovers, then they're accused of game playing.


... Next time a girl complains about there not being any decent guys around, then I'll tell her that it's actually her fault for not being good looking enough.


i know there are tons of nice guys around, but i think the majority of guys who i am attracted to would not define themselves as 'just a nice guy.' a guy can be good looking, cool, funny, and even popular and still be nice. at the same time, a lot of these guys who go around defining themselves as 'nice guys' prove to be not-so-nice when it comes down to it. trust me, i've been involved with the quintessential 'nice guy' and he screwed me over more than any 'asshole' i've ever dated.

and telling girls it's their fault for not being attractive enough? in what way would that make you a nice guy? girls complaining that they can't find a good guy is a totally different problem than guys complaining that no one will date them because they are 'too nice.'

not to mention, hearing the comment that 'nice guys don't get laid' totally makes my skin crawl. you're saying that we women are getting involved with assholes who don't respect them. if all you're worried about is 'getting laid,' how are you any different?

[asm198]

Again, I ask. What is a 'bad boy'? And what is a 'good guy'? Definitions might help the arguments for and against each.

[stonemonkey]

Dating is a crap shoot, plain and simple.

Oh yeah, sure, a crap shoot. It's completely random. Every person is going to be as lucky/unlucky as the next person. Looks and personality are irrelevant. So that means the creepy old guy who wets himself is going to have as much chance as the charismatic, good looking, confident guy.

I know there are no guaranteed rules, but surely there are things you can do to increase your chances. You make your own luck. It's not just going to fall into your lap.

[PenforPrez]

No, brillo and pen (no offense to you guys) just need to find women who are interested in them. Same as any of us do (welll, men, for some of us). A woman not being interested in you doesn't make her a shitty person who has issues or only wants "bad boys."

I admit that's part of my problem. But it's always so hard to let go when I have no end of trouble having to start over. That's why I'm trying to get away from online dating; it gets more bizarre every time.

The girls who haven't been interested in me DID have issues, oddly enough. One was commitment-phobic; another had an anger problem, and directed a lot of it at me. But I put up with it, so guess whose fault that was. ;)


Maybe she's simply just not interested? That could be for any reason. Maybe she's just not wanting to date because she just came out of a breakup or just wants to be single? Or she could be leaving the area soon and doesn't want to start anything? Or maybe the moment that you came up to her, she was in a bad mood/wasn't looking for a relationship or date/just wanted to be out in public for whatever reason?

Eh?? The women I meet fall into one of two categories:

A. Not single, which encompasses nearly everybody I meet. I'm not kidding, and don't make me prove it.

B. Too friggin busy to go out. Which encompasses most of Category A too. I always have to fit into somebody's "schedule." And I rarely make the cut.

Paul

[stonemonkey]

i know there are tons of nice guys around, but i think the majority of guys who i am attracted to would not define themselves as 'just a nice guy.' a guy can be good looking, cool, funny, and even popular and still be nice. at the same time, a lot of these guys who go around defining themselves as 'nice guys' prove to be not-so-nice when it comes down to it. trust me, i've been involved with the quintessential 'nice guy' and he screwed me over more than any 'asshole' i've ever dated.

and telling girls it's their fault for not being attractive enough? in what way would that make you a nice guy? girls complaining that they can't find a good guy is a totally different problem than guys complaining that no one will date them because they are 'too nice.'

not to mention, hearing the comment that 'nice guys don't get laid' totally makes my skin crawl. you're saying that we women are getting involved with assholes who don't respect them. if all you're worried about is 'getting laid,' how are you any different?

Jesus fuckin' H. christ, do you even bother to read my posts? I'm not convinced that you do, because I don't know how else you can misinterpret me so badly.

So you're not attracted to 'nice' guys. Fine, that's great. Whatever floats your boat. And self proclaimed 'nice' guys you've known have screwed you over. OK, that's your experience, and I can't argue with that.

What you don't understand is that I'm trying to be anything BUT a nice guy, because I found that it wasn't working for me. It's like banging your head against a brick wall. Once you do it a few times and find that it doesn't work for you, then you stop it and try something else.

The only reason I bring up the 'girls aren't attractive enough' statement (which, I might add, is not something I actually believe, I'm just using it as an example) is to illustrate general purpose blanket statement, much like the 'nice guys should just grow a backbone' statement which has been touted before.

[asm198]

Oh yeah, sure, a crap shoot. It's completely random. Every person is going to be as lucky/unlucky as the next person. Looks and personality are irrelevant. So that means the creepy old guy who wets himself is going to have as much chance as the charismatic, good looking, confident guy.

I know there are no guaranteed rules, but surely there are things you can do to increase your chances. You make your own luck. It's not just going to fall into your lap.

Oh for pete's sake, that's not what I meant and you know it. What I meant is that there is no guaranteed formula for meeting a girl you want to date. It seems to me that there are a ton of guys on here who are whining about how they can't meet girls because all the girls they know want assholes. Therefore ALL girls want assholes who treat them like dirt and that the poor, pitiful guys are standing by the wayside being 'good' guys and there to comfort the girls when the assholes treat them badly.

Well, how about NOT being the shoulder to cry on for the babies who get screwed over by guys? I never dated an asshole myself, but I'm pretty much a bitch, so it takes a certain type of guy to put up with me. But if I had ever dated an asshole, then I certainly wouldn't ever consider dating my male friends who would coddle that behavior. I would expect them to tell me that he was an asshole and that I was a moron for going out with him and that I should have known better. Tough love and all that jazz.

Just being a 'nice' guy isn't enough. You can be a nice guy and NOT be a pushover. Why do the 'bad boys' get the girls you want? Because they aren't standing on the sidelines waiting for something to fall in their laps. They go after the girls they want.

I had a ton of fun while I was dating. I also got shot down a lot. It happens. I didn't cry in my beer about it; I just kept having fun. Because dating is supposed to be about having fun, as far as I'm concerned. I was myself, didn't put on airs, and was very clear about what I wanted and what I was about.

[stonemonkey]

Oh for pete's sake, that's not what I meant and you know it.


uh...how the fuck am I supposed to know what you mean if you don't make it clear? Saying that it was a "crap shoot, plain and simple" seemed pretty final to me. Why is it my fault that what you mean and what you say don't match?


What I meant is that there is no guaranteed formula for meeting a girl you want to date. It seems to me that there are a ton of guys on here who are whining about how they can't meet girls because all the girls they know want assholes. Therefore ALL girls want assholes who treat them like dirt and that the poor, pitiful guys are standing by the wayside being 'good' guys and there to comfort the girls when the assholes treat them badly.


I never said that.


Well, how about NOT being the shoulder to cry on for the babies who get screwed over by guys? I never dated an asshole myself, but I'm pretty much a bitch, so it takes a certain type of guy to put up with me. But if I had ever dated an asshole, then I certainly wouldn't ever consider dating my male friends who would coddle that behavior. I would expect them to tell me that he was an asshole and that I was a moron for going out with him and that I should have known better. Tough love and all that jazz.


Yeah, great, good for you.


Just being a 'nice' guy isn't enough. You can be a nice guy and NOT be a pushover. Why do the 'bad boys' get the girls you want? Because they aren't standing on the sidelines waiting for something to fall in their laps. They go after the girls they want.


Surprisingly, I couldn't agree with you more on this point.

[stonemonkey]

I would expect them to tell me that he was an asshole and that I was a moron for going out with him and that I should have known better. Tough love and all that jazz.


While we're on the subject of tough love, how is that any different to just telling a girl that they should just lose some weight and look prettier? Isn't that 'tough love'?

[asm198]

Sorry, Stonemonkey. I wasn't really talking to or about you when I posted that. I know I quoted you, but I just get kind of tired of the whole 'women are idiots who don't know a good thing when they see it' vibe I've read here.

It just seems like there have been a rash of threads asking about why people can't meet decent people to date and that turns into people complaining and whining about generalities and assuming they are universal truths.

Here's where I'm coming from, when I was single. I had come out of a 4 year relationship. We had ended our engagement and I moved back home. I was unemployed, overweight, and felt really badly about myself and had no interest in meeting anyone. I started going out with a friend of mine to this bar/club she liked to go to. For the first 4 months or so, no guy would talk to me. I thought it was because I was overweight. Apparently, that wasn't the case. The reason no one would talk to me? Because I gave off a "don't talk to me" vibe. After I got over that and redeveloped my confidence, guys were constantly coming up to talk to me.

That's why I believe it's all about how you present yourself. Before, I was the wallflower. I believed that no guy would want to date me because I was fat (therefore, unattractive) and I was still reeling from the broken relationship and people could sense that.

I am actually a very nice person. I refuse to be an asshole to people, but if they are an asshole to me, then all bets are off. But what I'm saying is that when I felt bad about myself, people could tell and they weren't interested. When I felt good about myself and could let go and just enjoy myself and had accepted myself for who I was, people were attracted to that.

As far as what I said about things being a crap shoot, what I meant was that there is no set formula. It's totally a hit or miss thing. No one can tell you that if you wear X clothing, go to X place, and act X way, that you are going to get a girl/boyfriend. It doesn't work that way. What works for one person isn't going to work for someone else.

For me? I happen to be marrying the guy I was engaged to 4 years ago. The guy I ended it with. Why? Because he's funny, smart, handy around the house, and we 'fit'. He's not a GQ model and I'm not a VS model. He's tall and skinny and bald. He's also quiet, kinda nerdy, and doesn't dress awesome unless he's going to work. I'm a bit overweight, sarcastic as hell, lazy, and definitely not girly. But somehow we fit.

Where did we meet? Short version. We met a funeral in high school. He knew my best friend and they dated. A few months after they broke up, I was on a date, saw him, hoped he'd follow my date and I to a local hang out spot. He did, I flirted insanely, but he didn't bite. A week later, we started going out and that was that. Total luck of the draw. I never would have thought I would have been attracted to his 'type', but it worked out well.

If I hadn't had been on a miserable date in high school, I never would have considered dating him. I never would have flirted, just to have something to do. That's what I mean by a crap shoot. It was just luck.

[asm198]

While we're on the subject of tough love, how is that any different to just telling a girl that they should just lose some weight and look prettier? Isn't that 'tough love'?

To me, it is. I've been the super skinny girl who's told to eat a cheeseburger. I've also been the fat girl who's been told to lose some weight. It's all in how friends tell you stuff. I wish, when I was at my heaviest, that a friend would have told me that I needed to watch my weight. Not that I didn't already know, of course. I wasn't obese, but I weighed way more than I needed to weigh. I did drop my weight easily, but I still know what it feels like to be an overweight person and a overly skinny person. Neither feels that great.

[stonemonkey]

I just get kind of tired of the whole 'women are idiots who don't know a good thing when they see it' vibe I've read here.


As do I, asm. I disagree with that vibe, or any sentiment that starts with "all guys/girls are...." I'm an advocate for doing something about it rather than complaining about it. And then usually what happens next is that someone will disagree with me and say that you should just be yourself and all that...


It just seems like there have been a rash of threads asking about why people can't meet decent people to date and that turns into people complaining and whining about generalities and assuming they are universal truths.


I guess it's always been like that around here, but yeah, I'm over the whining myself. Less whining, more doing. I don't believe in universal truths, but all I can go on are generalities. These are based on experiences off the messageboards. What I'm trying to say is that what we see in the real world can be very different to what people on here say. The people who post here only represent a small subset of the people in real life. What passes as a general consensus on the boards may be completely contradictory to the views of the vast majority of people who don't post here. People seem to just assume "oh well, since I go for nice guys, then that must mean that all women, if not a majority of them, also go for nice guys, therefore these guys who claim to be nice and are whinging about it must be talking shit."


As far as what I said about things being a crap shoot, what I meant was that there is no set formula. It's totally a hit or miss thing. No one can tell you that if you wear X clothing, go to X place, and act X way, that you are going to get a girl/boyfriend. It doesn't work that way. What works for one person isn't going to work for someone else.


OK, I understand what you're saying now. And I agree.

[LaFille]

Jesus fuckin' H. christ, do you even bother to read my posts? I'm not convinced that you do, because I don't know how else you can misinterpret me so badly.

So you're not attracted to 'nice' guys. Fine, that's great. Whatever floats your boat. And self proclaimed 'nice' guys you've known have screwed you over. OK, that's your experience, and I can't argue with that.

What you don't understand is that I'm trying to be anything BUT a nice guy, because I found that it wasn't working for me. It's like banging your head against a brick wall. Once you do it a few times and find that it doesn't work for you, then you stop it and try something else.

The only reason I bring up the 'girls aren't attractive enough' statement (which, I might add, is not something I actually believe, I'm just using it as an example) is to illustrate general purpose blanket statement, much like the 'nice guys should just grow a backbone' statement which has been touted before.

ok, i reread my post and i made no sense, so for that i apoligize. i meant to make a distinction between 'nice guys' (guys who define themselves as nice guys and not much else) and guys who are a lot of things, including nice. had i been clearer, you would have understood that i do like nice guys... i try to find guys who are kind, thoughtful and supportive. but what i meant to say is that i don't necessarily think all self-proclaimed 'nice guys' are really the great potential boyfriends they make themselves out to be, for a variety of reasons... not the least of which is the fact that it appears that many are constantly blaming women for having bad taste in men.

as for trying to be an asshole to pick up girls, please don't insult the entire female population by doing this. i don't act like a whiney bitch to attract male attention. if you're a truly nice guy, then be that way. if you're an asshole, be that way... we can spot a phony from a mile away.

[stonemonkey]

ok, i reread my post and i made no sense, so for that i apoligize. i meant to make a distinction between 'nice guys' (guys who define themselves as nice guys and not much else) and guys who are a lot of things, including nice. had i been clearer, you would have understood that i do like nice guys... i try to find guys who are kind, thoughtful and supportive. but what i meant to say is that i don't necessarily think all self-proclaimed 'nice guys' are really the great potential boyfriends they make themselves out to be, for a variety of reasons... not the least of which is the fact that it appears that many are constantly blaming women for having bad taste in men.


Thank you, that makes much more sense now.


as for trying to be an asshole to pick up girls, please don't insult the entire female population by doing this. i don't act like a whiney bitch to attract male attention. if you're a truly nice guy, then be that way. if you're an asshole, be that way... we can spot a phony from a mile away.

Well, I've posted about this before, but I have this thing where whenever I 'act naturally' with a girl I end up being her friend and nothing more. I'm trying to get away from that, but old habits die hard. I think I'd rather be successful than nice. But you're right about being a fake, it's not an easy thing to pull off. And it's excruciatingly awkward when it does fail.

As for being an asshole to pick up girls, well, I don't know. The 'asshole' persona must have some strengths, otherwise nobody would use it. I know that the girls who post here are smarter and above that. The problem is that out in the real world, we never seem to meet girls who have the same mindset. But I'm sure that goes both ways too.

[LaFille]

[QUOTE]Thank you, that makes much more sense now.

no problem :huge:


Well, I've posted about this before, but I have this thing where whenever I 'act naturally' with a girl I end up being her friend and nothing more. I'm trying to get away from that, but old habits die hard. I think I'd rather be successful than nice. But you're right about being a fake, it's not an easy thing to pull off. And it's excruciatingly awkward when it does fail.

As for being an asshole to pick up girls, well, I don't know. The 'asshole' persona must have some strengths, otherwise nobody would use it. I know that the girls who post here are smarter and above that. The problem is that out in the real world, we never seem to meet girls who have the same mindset. But I'm sure that goes both ways too.

i admit some girls go for the asshole persona, but at the same time, i feel like i normally see this kind of behavior at some meatmarket bar at 2am when everyone's too drunk to know any better. i personally think most guys who are acting like that are putting on an act, because they seem fake and ridiculous. maybe this bothers me more than others, but i hate seeing someone putting on a mask.

and as for male friends... i have a handful of guy friends, many of them with other girlfriends, who i totally rely on for friendship, support, advice and good times. i value them so, so much. i never throw a guy into the 'friend' category simply because i don't want to date him, and i don't think they see our relationship that way either. there's nothing wrong with just being friends with someone. ok, so it sucks if you like that person, but they always say the best relationships start out as friendships :rolleyes:

[PenforPrez]

I'm an advocate for doing something about it rather than complaining about it. And then usually what happens next is that someone will disagree with me and say that you should just be yourself and all that...

I know I complain, but I'm doing too. Or doing as much as I can, anyway. I complain about what upsets me; right now, this is it. With my stress level, I have to vent. :frustrate

Well, I've posted about this before, but I have this thing where whenever I 'act naturally' with a girl I end up being her friend and nothing more. I'm trying to get away from that, but old habits die hard. I think I'd rather be successful than nice. But you're right about being a fake, it's not an easy thing to pull off. And it's excruciatingly awkward when it does fail.


I've never been able to fake anything, so I don't try. I've had people tell me I shouldn't be such a "nice guy." I'm sorry; in a social situation, it's my nature to be kind and caring and inquisitive. So long as I can talk some in the conversation, I'm happy.

Paul

[stonemonkey]

i admit some girls go for the asshole persona, but at the same time, i feel like i normally see this kind of behavior at some meatmarket bar at 2am when everyone's too drunk to know any better. i personally think most guys who are acting like that are putting on an act, because they seem fake and ridiculous. maybe this bothers me more than others, but i hate seeing someone putting on a mask.


Well, from a guy's perspective, it's certainly one of the more visible strategies. I don't know if it's actually less common that it seems, but it's certainly the one that irks us the most. Especially when all the advice people have given to you contradicts it. Maybe we notice it much more because the 'asshole getting the girl' outcome feels the least fair (and yes, I know life isn't it fair, we should just deal with it and get over it).


and as for male friends... i have a handful of guy friends, many of them with other girlfriends, who i totally rely on for friendship, support, advice and good times. i value them so, so much. i never throw a guy into the 'friend' category simply because i don't want to date him, and i don't think they see our relationship that way either. there's nothing wrong with just being friends with someone. ok, so it sucks if you like that person, but they always say the best relationships start out as friendships :rolleyes:

I know, I have female friends too who are awesome. Never said there was anything wrong with it at all. My point is that 'niceness' has always only gotten me that far.

[CTGirl]

If you knew me, you would know that I'm not a 'pushover'. While I appreciate that you've grown out of the 'bad boy' bullshit, I still stand by my point that not every other girl is the same as you. If girls like you really were everywhere, then guys like brillo and penn would have no problems whatsoever.

It's almost as if no guy is good enough, ever. The one's who are 'bad' are obviously assholes, and the one's who are 'nice' aren't exciting enough, or they're too 'easy'. So we have to artificially make things more difficult than they would be otherwise, we offer up some resistance, in other words, we start playing games.

I'm so fucking sick of this.

Easy there tiger. Sounds to me like you've been burned, and therefore are making a lot of assumptions about what women want and what kind of women are out there. I agree that dating can suck sometimes, but it is completely dependent on your attitude and perspective on it.

Try not to think about what you think "girls" want, cuz you're probably going to be wrong, just as I would be wrong to assume that I know what "guys" want. Focus on being happy with yourself, and when you find someone you connect with, worry about what she wants, not what "girls" want.

[asm198]

As do I, asm. I disagree with that vibe, or any sentiment that starts with "all guys/girls are...." I'm an advocate for doing something about it rather than complaining about it. And then usually what happens next is that someone will disagree with me and say that you should just be yourself and all that...



I guess it's always been like that around here, but yeah, I'm over the whining myself. Less whining, more doing. I don't believe in universal truths, but all I can go on are generalities. These are based on experiences off the messageboards. What I'm trying to say is that what we see in the real world can be very different to what people on here say. The people who post here only represent a small subset of the people in real life. What passes as a general consensus on the boards may be completely contradictory to the views of the vast majority of people who don't post here. People seem to just assume "oh well, since I go for nice guys, then that must mean that all women, if not a majority of them, also go for nice guys, therefore these guys who claim to be nice and are whinging about it must be talking shit."



OK, I understand what you're saying now. And I agree.

I'm glad I clarified, because I was trying to say that, but I realized it didn't quite make sense.

I have to say, I played a 'game' when I was single. I was fairly rude and annoying to guys, I guess. I can't count how many guys I introducing myself with by telling them who I was and asking 'who the hell are you?" with my hand outstretched. Some found it rude. Most found some humor in the fact that I was that completely blunt. Those who found if funny got a beer bought for them.

I have a weird sense of humor. I'm 'mean' to people I like. I like to rib people I like and I completely love to be mean and give shit to people I like. I can take it as much as I dish it out and if you can be an asshole to me as much as I can be to you, you're golden. And I give lots of chances for people to get 'in the zone'.

The thing I probably hate the most is guys who treat me with kid gloves. I HATE being treated like I'm something that has to be guarded from the 'big, bad world'. I'm a big girl and I can hold my own. I don't need to be saved or guarded from the world and if a guy tries to do that, it's the biggest turn off and I'll quickly set him straight. I mean, I'm not a china doll and I despise girls who act like they are. It's annoying to me.

So, I expect my men to act the same way. Be a nice guy. I went into 'relationships' with various goals. Most of my relationships when I was single were solely based on getting laid. I didn't want a relationship, I wanted sex. And I was clear from the get go that that's what I wanted. If I wanted more, I was clear about it. I didn't play games. If you didn't want a relationship, that was cool. I didn't cry about it because someone else would want it. The 'asshole' guys...well, I could be just as jerky as they could. And you can pick them out a mile away. At least, I could. And they were fun to toy with.

I don't know. Maybe I am a really odd female, who knows? I gave a ton of guys a chance, but ended up with the guy I ended things with. The reason I 'picked' him is because he was the best match for me. He could totally sidestep my bullshit and called me on it. Always could. And that was attractive to me. If some other guy could have done the same, maybe things would have been different, who knows?

[stonemonkey]

Easy there tiger. Sounds to me like you've been burned, and therefore are making a lot of assumptions about what women want and what kind of women are out there. I agree that dating can suck sometimes, but it is completely dependent on your attitude and perspective on it.


Well, everyone's been burned at some stage, right? The difference is what you do about it. I agree that you can never please everyone, but all you can do is bias the odds in your favour. Rejection sucks, but at least you can learn from your mistakes. There are things that, generally speaking, increase your chances of success. For example, confidence and having a decent sense of style have come up repeatedly as positive things. Of course, not every woman on the earth will think the same way, but in general things like this will help rather than hinder you, I think.


Try not to think about what you think "girls" want, cuz you're probably going to be wrong, just as I would be wrong to assume that I know what "guys" want. Focus on being happy with yourself, and when you find someone you connect with, worry about what she wants, not what "girls" want.

Like I said, just being happy with myself has gotten to where I am now, single with lots of female friends.

[CTGirl]

Well, everyone's been burned at some stage, right? The difference is what you do about it.

Exactly. I've wound up getting burned by commitment-phobes on multiple occasions myself, but that's not about to make me believe that all guys are commitment-phobes, or that I should change who I am to try and get better results, I just need to find someone more compatible with me.

Like I said, just being happy with myself has gotten to where I am now, single with lots of female friends.

Don't go blaming your dating troubles on that, there's obviously something else going wrong :googly:

[stonemonkey]

Don't go blaming your dating troubles on that, there's obviously something else going wrong :googly:

Well I don't know what it is. If I asked me out, I'd totally date me. It's probably competition from other guys, I reckon.

[BOLD]

You don't have to be in a LDR for that ;)

AWESOME. comments like that inspire me to check my email.

I doubt that a "nice guy" is gonna be exciting. He's not going to dare rip off my clothes.

I don't know his real name exactly, but it seems like your looking for a guy they call "BOLD".

_______________________
The next part of this post is a lesson for the guys that are having trouble getting dates.

* You are going to work on your confidence by asking out every beautiful girl you see, no matter where you are. The best time to meet girls is when your waiting in line, make light conversation about something then just say “my name is _______ by the way (she will tell you hers), would you be interested in getting a cup of coffee sometime?” keep this up until it becomes second nature and you’ll have an endless supply of phone numbers.

* Believe it or not bars are a bad place to meet girls, A) there is too much competition, and B) girls generally have their guard up.

* First dates are always coffee, but if you must go to dinner on a first date always suggest Monday, or Tuesday. My reasoning behind this is that if the first date goes badly, then at least it will be shorter than say a Friday, or Saturday night date, also if it goes well you can call her a day or so later and make a date for the coming Friday, or Saturday night.

* Never become so desperate to hear from a girl that you end up sitting at home waiting for her call, if you act like your very existence is to be around for her she will think you're boring, because if all you do is sit and wait to hear from her you are.

Next we have common phrases used once you’re in a relationship that you should/shouldn't say.

Instead of saying "would you like to get some dinner?" "Where would you like to go?" say "lets get some Wendy's." Your being far more decisive, and if Wendy's isn't what she wants she'll likely let you know.

Of course you never say "can I kiss you?" but you can say the phrase "come here, I want to kiss you."

Beginning a question with "may I?" should always end with looking at, or the hold of an inanimate object. Ex:

"May I hold the remote?"

Saying “may I touch your ______?" will always be followed by "NO" every time. Instead learn to feel the mood, and understand what she wants.

There is much more I could teach you, but this will no doubt get you started.

[asm198]

AWESOME. comments like that inspire me to check my email.



I don't know his real name exactly, but it seems like your looking for a guy they call "BOLD".

_______________________
The next part of this post is a lesson for the guys that are having trouble getting dates.

* You are going to work on your confidence by asking out every beautiful girl you see, no matter where you are. The best time to meet girls is when your waiting in line, make light conversation about something then just say “my name is _______ by the way (she will tell you hers), would you be interested in getting a cup of coffee sometime?” keep this up until it becomes second nature and you’ll have an endless supply of phone numbers.

* Believe it or not bars are a bad place to meet girls, A) there is too much competition, and B) girls generally have their guard up.

* First dates are always coffee, but if you must go to dinner on a first date always suggest Monday, or Tuesday. My reasoning behind this is that if the first date goes badly, then at least it will be shorter than say a Friday, or Saturday night date, also if it goes well you can call her a day or so later and make a date for the coming Friday, or Saturday night.

* Never be too available, if you act like your very existence is to be around for her she will think you're boring, because if all you do is sit and wait for her you are.

Next we have common phrases used once you’re in a relationship that you should/shouldn't say.

Instead of saying "would you like to get some dinner?" "Where would you like to go?" say "lets get some Wendy's." Your being far more decisive, and if Wendy's isn't what she wants she'll likely let you know.

Of course you never say "can I kiss you?" but you can say the phrase "come here, I want to kiss you."

Beginning a question with "may I?" should always end with looking at, or the hold of an inanimate object. Ex:

"May I hold the remote?"

Saying “may I touch your ______?" will always be followed by "NO" every time. Instead learn to feel the mood, and understand what she wants.

There is much more I could teach you, but this will no doubt get you started.

Good god, apparently I always went for the 'bad boys' then. I consider myself to be a 'nice girl'. I don't treat guys like shit, I'm nearly always nice and considerate. I have always let guys know where I stand from the get go, and have rarely been an asshole to them. That said, I have never been lacking in the department of 'nice guys' who have been more than willing to 'rip my clothes off'. And they didn't need any lines, either.

I agree with your first point, about talking to girls all the time to get into the habit of talking to girls. I agree with that and it's always a good thing. I had to get into the habit with various circumstances and jobs and now I can talk to anyone about anything and be completely comfortable. And I'm, at my core, not exactly what you'd call a social person.

Your second point, about bars, I disagree with. I think they are an excellent place to meet people, even if it's just to practice your first point. But maybe bars where I'm from are radically different from everywhere else, although that's never been my experience.

Numbers 3 and 4 are just moronic, as far as I'm concerned. You can cut a date short any day of the week. Who cares if it's 'date night' or not? You're not feeling it? Make an excuse and call it a night. And if you're into her? Playing 'the rules' is just lame.

I do agree with the decisiveness of picking a place to go beforehand. I generally picked places that were close to where I lived, so if it sucked and I had to bail, I wasn't too far from home or my local places, on a first date.

On your last point, why are you asking to kiss her to begin with??? You should be able to sense if she wants you to kiss her without asking. Kiss her or don't. But don't ask. At least, that's how it is with me. Don't ask me, just do it.

[BOLD]

Ouch!

I was trying to teach the guys that were bashing girls in general because they can't get dates how to get dates. It’s all a matter of increasing your confidence; I just felt I should spell it out, maybe that was a mistake.

[CTGirl]

BOLD, I agree with everything you've said in your suggestions with just one exception.

I do not agree with the "dont be too available" suggestion. While I agree that having no life aside from dating me would be bad, I do appreciate it when a guy makes himself available to me, it makes me feel as though I am a priority in his life. Being consistently unavailable will lead a girl to think you're not that into her, or that she's not all that important to you.

[BOLD]

BOLD, I agree with everything you've said in your suggestions with just one exception.

I do not agree with the "dont be too available" suggestion. While I agree that having no life aside from dating me would be bad, I do appreciate it when a guy makes himself available to me, it makes me feel as though I am a priority in his life. Being consistently unavailable will lead a girl to think you're not that into her, or that she's not all that important to you.

I meant don't sit at home waiting for a girl to call.

[CTGirl]

I meant don't sit at home waiting for a girl to call.

Well, yeah, but when you say "dont be too available" that seems like something different. I think it's more like dont be desperate than dont be available.

[LaFille]

Well, yeah, but when you say "dont be too available" that seems like something different. I think it's more like dont be desperate than dont be available.

yeah like for example, don't disappear off the freaking earth like some guys do :googly: i don't get intrigued, i get insulted and annoyed.

as for meeting people in bars, BOLD, it depends what kind. some places are more condusive to socializing. i've met lots of people in pub style places, sports bars ( a single gal's best friend) etc... also a bar is a great place to meet aquaintances of aquaintances, which is what i think is the absolute BEST way to expand your social circle... "hi, jane, this is my friend's brother's kindergarten teacher's accountant, bob."

i personally try to stay away from the clubby-meatmarket places because i find them cheesy (esp since i live in upstate ny... i mean, come on) and i feel like i pick up an STD every time i walk in the door. everyone is trying to impress someone, and the music is too loud to have a conversation. and you think it's not hard for us girls to meet people there too? try having a normal conversation with a guy when every two seconds an entourage of barely-legal girls in miniskirts and tube tops stumbles by :rolleyes:

[asm198]

I'm just misunderstanding everyone today. Sorry Bold.

[wordsmith]

Some bars suck for meeting people b/c of the atmosphere, clientele, location, etc.

Some are fine for it.

[BOLD]

I edited my post right after CT got mad.

[CTGirl]

I edited my post right after CT got mad.

whoa whoa whoa, who said I was mad???

I just said I disagreed with one part of your suggestions dude, I am certainly not mad at you, especially now that I understand that it was just poor wording and you really do seem to agree with me.

[dddork]

BOLD knows what he is saying..

[dddork]

I doubt that a "nice guy" is gonna be exciting. He's not going to dare rip off my clothes..


nice..Welcome to the forums!

[Trillian42]

I've never had phone sex, always wondered about it though. I might have to try it with my new guy, he lives an hour away and we can only see each other once a week if we're lucky.

speaking of which, I actually turned down sex this weekend. How foolish am I? I did it for good reason though, although it was very hard. Before this guy it was quite a while before I got any. And this is not Hershey bar sex either, its pretty damn good.

Not foolish to turn down sex! Foolish to not turn down sex and regret it later.

[veniqe]

BOLD, I agree with everything you've said in your suggestions with just one exception.

I do not agree with the "dont be too available" suggestion. While I agree that having no life aside from dating me would be bad, I do appreciate it when a guy makes himself available to me, it makes me feel as though I am a priority in his life. Being consistently unavailable will lead a girl to think you're not that into her, or that she's not all that important to you.

Absolutely agree with you on this. I despise it when I let a guy know I'm available tomorrow night and his reaction is that "I'll have to confirm with you". And the "confirming" doesn't take place the day before, it happens on the day that you're supposed to have dinner, drinks, lunch, whatever.

[BOLD]

whoa whoa whoa, who said I was mad???

I just said I disagreed with one part of your suggestions dude, I am certainly not mad at you, especially now that I understand that it was just poor wording and you really do seem to agree with me.

I was playing with you, besides I made that post to help the guys on the board, so they would stop blaming the girls, so it was better that you guys made me reword it. Thanks for yours, and everyone else’s help, and if you or anyone sees something I missed PM me. I'll add more stuff later once you boys have had time to work on this.

[PenforPrez]

yeah like for example, don't disappear off the freaking earth like some guys do :googly: i don't get intrigued, i get insulted and annoyed.

Lot of girls disappear off the map too. If only they wouldn't disappear right after they look at my pic. . . . :googly: I'm sorry, that still hurts. :sad: I'm not blaming anybody, just stating a fact.

Absolutely agree with you on this. I despise it when I let a guy know I'm available tomorrow night and his reaction is that "I'll have to confirm with you". And the "confirming" doesn't take place the day before, it happens on the day that you're supposed to have dinner, drinks, lunch, whatever.

I have that problem too.

You are going to work on your confidence by asking out every beautiful girl you see, no matter where you are. The best time to meet girls is when your waiting in line, make light conversation about something then just say “my name is _______ by the way (she will tell you hers), would you be interested in getting a cup of coffee sometime?” keep this up until it becomes second nature and you’ll have an endless supply of phone numbers.

Again, this works when you CAN meet single people. Everybody I meet (and I mean EVERYBODY) is already hooked up. How am I supposed to manage that?

Paul

[stonemonkey]

Again, this works when you CAN meet single people. Everybody I meet (and I mean EVERYBODY) is already hooked up. How am I supposed to manage that?


Dude, that's statistically impossible. Do you hang out at 'couples only' events or something?

[PenforPrez]

Dude, that's statistically impossible. Do you hang out at 'couples only' events or something?

Most of my life is statistically impossible. :huge:

I don't know what the problem is; I probably don't go to enough clubs or younger bars. But those aren't my types of places, and I can't be comfy in them.

I joined a group to do things, and there's no girls my age in it. Figures. There's a very wide age range -- except for people my age, where there is a noticeable lack! Most of the women are 30-something and hooked up, and have little interest in me anyway. Oh well, it's a fun bunch. :)

I live in a rural area, which is a dating black hole. I gave up here years ago. So I go to St. Louis to do things, and that's little better. So I don't know anymore.

Paul

[BOLD]

Most of my life is statistically impossible. :huge:

I don't know what the problem is; I probably don't go to enough clubs or younger bars. But those aren't my types of places, and I can't be comfy in them.

I joined a group to do things, and there's no girls my age in it. Figures. There's a very wide age range -- except for people my age, where there is a noticeable lack! Most of the women are 30-something and hooked up, and have little interest in me anyway. Oh well, it's a fun bunch. :)

I live in a rural area, which is a dating black hole. I gave up here years ago. So I go to St. Louis to do things, and that's little better. So I don't know anymore.

Paul

YOUR ENTIRE PROBLEM IS CONFIDENCE!

Just for you I gonna repost lesson one, but go back to the top of page 8 and read all of them again.

* You are going to work on your confidence by asking out every beautiful girl you see, no matter where you are. The best time to meet girls is when your waiting in line, make light conversation about something then just say “my name is Paul by the way (she will tell you hers), would you be interested in getting a cup of coffee sometime?” keep this up until it becomes second nature and you’ll have an endless supply of phone numbers.

[stonemonkey]

Yeah, I mean what if someone put a gun to your head and told you that if you didn't find a date within a month then they'd kill you, would you still be coming up with excuses?

(yeah, I know I'm a Tyler Durden wannabe....)

[wordsmith]

...Is that none of you guys have any concept of living rurally. Not just in a suburb that's overrun with soccer moms with little kids and you feel isolated. But actual rural locales where you ARE isolated.

There's a big difference between most people's perception of "But there's nobody to date," (which typically translates to "there's nobody cool enough, good enough looking, skinny enough, wealthy enough, educated enough, sexy enough, my type enough, whatever didn't-make-the-cut enough you wanna use) and "But there's nobody to date," meaning actually no people.

I just have to laugh, because it seems like the perception is that somebody who lives someplace like where Paul or I live can just walk into a given establishment and have it teeming, bursting at the seams, with options. Not so. Most of the time you go into a bar or whatever, and there is a handful of people at best.

[stonemonkey]

There's a big difference between most people's perception of "But there's nobody to date," (which typically translates to "there's nobody cool enough, good enough looking, skinny enough, wealthy enough, educated enough, sexy enough, my type enough, whatever didn't-make-the-cut enough you wanna use) and "But there's nobody to date," meaning actually no people.

But if you go down that road, then you might as well say that he could always date the 80 year old widow, or he could just turn gay and date guys (i.e. "there's no body female enough")

[CTGirl]

But if you go down that road, then you might as well say that he could always date the 80 year old widow, or he could just turn gay and date guys (i.e. "there's no body female enough")

Okay, well that's just crazy :googly:

I can see where you guys are coming from, and the only response I have to that is what I've told Paul before - move. I know this is easier said than done of course, but the bottom line is, if you're unhappy with your social/dating situation where you live, it is in your best interest to find a better place to live.

[wordsmith]

Well, to be fair, I wasn't bitching about it. And if it was a priority to ME, I WOULD move. But I don't, so obviously it's not. I'm just saying that there's a fundamental lack of realizing the situation, because most of you can't really imagine the reality of there just plain not being any options.

And as for the "just move," every time there's a thread about the expensive housing costs in NYC or Boston or Jersey or wherever, and anybody says, "Well, duh, just MOVE," outrage that somebody would dare to suggest such a thing is the guaranteed outcome. So bear in mind that people live where they live for a reason, and there's give and take. I live in a nonpopulous locale (as does Paul) mostly because I an afford to live there and do my job. I couldn't do my job and live anywhere else, b/c it doesn't pay enough. The tradeoff is, it's not so social. There being actual reasons for living certain places, "just move," is't necessarily viable.

[stonemonkey]

Okay, well that's just crazy :googly:


jeez, I'm just using it to illustrate a point, not everything I say is literal.

[CTGirl]

jeez, I'm just using it to illustrate a point, not everything I say is literal.

I know dude, chill out :razz:

[LaFille]

...Is that none of you guys have any concept of living rurally. Not just in a suburb that's overrun with soccer moms with little kids and you feel isolated. But actual rural locales where you ARE isolated.


how rural exactly are you guys? do you live in towns? surrounded by farms? i'm picturing the areas around upstate ny which are rural, and those little towns are truly isolated, and i can't imagine even attempting dating there.

also, i totally agree with you about moving... i think it's a lot more difficult to move from a high cost area to a low cost area. people where i live simply don't earn enough to pack up and move to a big city, because pay here is scaled to our low cost of living. and i don't even live in a rural area... just in a medium-sized city.

[asm198]

...Is that none of you guys have any concept of living rurally. Not just in a suburb that's overrun with soccer moms with little kids and you feel isolated. But actual rural locales where you ARE isolated.

There's a big difference between most people's perception of "But there's nobody to date," (which typically translates to "there's nobody cool enough, good enough looking, skinny enough, wealthy enough, educated enough, sexy enough, my type enough, whatever didn't-make-the-cut enough you wanna use) and "But there's nobody to date," meaning actually no people.

I just have to laugh, because it seems like the perception is that somebody who lives someplace like where Paul or I live can just walk into a given establishment and have it teeming, bursting at the seams, with options. Not so. Most of the time you go into a bar or whatever, and there is a handful of people at best.

My rants on this thread have been mostly about what I've bolded in Words post. I do think that some people make it too hard on themselves/are too picky. That said, I completely understand how people like Words or Paul would have trouble. I know where Words lives and have a pretty good idea where Paul lives. I grew up in a pathetically small town and there's no way I could have found anyone acceptable to date. Acceptable meaning someone would would have wanted to leave the area. I didn't want to be a farmer's wife, go to church religiously, or act/feel like I'm forever in high school.

how rural exactly are you guys? do you live in towns? surrounded by farms? i'm picturing the areas around upstate ny which are rural, and those little towns are truly isolated, and i can't imagine even attempting dating there.



For me, I lived on a farm in the country. Our street address was one town, but we were in another school district. The population of the village (yes, it's actually classified as a village) was 171. K-12, we had less than 350 people in the school. People grew up on land owned by their great-great grandparents. People raised beef cattle, milk cattle, chickens, hogs, and there was a soybean farmer as well. We personally raised beef cattle.

In the village, we had a volunteer fire department; a diner/hair salon; and the corner store, which sold gas, the usual convenience store stuff, as well as some grocery staples (bread, milk, eggs, etc). This was also the location of the video store, but they only had about 30 movies.

The nearest town (the one that was technically my address), had a population of about 8,000. It was a mostly 'dry' town, because of the local baptist university. It could be described as the typical small town that you see in movies.

I happened to meet my fiance in that town. And my best friend is also from there. But the three of us wanted out of the small town life and fled to the nearest big city as soon as possible after high school graduation. We all went to college in the same city and then moved to the same bigger city after we college. None of us really want to move back home.

[PenforPrez]

how rural exactly are you guys? do you live in towns? surrounded by farms? i'm picturing the areas around upstate ny which are rural, and those little towns are truly isolated, and i can't imagine even attempting dating there.

I live just outside of a town of 3200. My hometown was in dire economic straits in the early 80s, so they forsook all tradition and sold the town's soul to get factories and fast food places to move to town and open up.

So what we have is an interesting dichotomy: Middle-class families that would be well at home in the suburbs working management in factories or owning small businesses or working for the huge gas station franchisee office in town. But if the women were to get divorced, they'd leave town instantly.

And then the rednecks. I'm a good Ozark redneck myself, but those people scare me. Most of those guys are cooking meth out in the woods anyway. I want no part of that. Lot of aimless people with no ambition, etc. They're living with abusive people for the most part.

What makes the situation worse is that I live 25 miles from my alma mater. It's 65% male, and half of the women don't speak English. The other half all have boyfriends out of town. Every time I asked a girl out on campus, that was what I was told.

So that's why I take advantage of the Interstate Highway System and travel to St. Louis with frequency. That's what it's for! :razz: But when I talk about everybody I meet being hooked up, I count STL in that too. Everything I do and every group I join in STL is full of married 30-somethings. It's insane. :madder:

Confidence won't help you when you're the ONLY fish in the pond. :idea:


I can see where you guys are coming from, and the only response I have to that is what I've told Paul before - move. I know this is easier said than done of course, but the bottom line is, if you're unhappy with your social/dating situation where you live, it is in your best interest to find a better place to live.

I've spent 4 1/2 years trying to find a real job in a bigger city. I simply could not move to St. Louis and transfer my hotel housekeeping job to a property in STL. I wouldn't make nearly enough for that to work.

I want to move to a bigger city, and I'm starting to understand why. But this would require me to get a real job, and that's a whole other set of problems.

Paul

[BOLD]

My rants on this thread have been mostly about what I've bolded in Words post. I do think that some people make it too hard on themselves/are too picky. That said, I completely understand how people like Words or Paul would have trouble. I know where Words lives and have a pretty good idea where Paul lives. I grew up in a pathetically small town and there's no way I could have found anyone acceptable to date. Acceptable meaning someone would would have wanted to leave the area. I didn't want to be a farmer's wife, go to church religiously, or act/feel like I'm forever in high school.

:heehee:



For me, I lived on a farm in the country. Our street address was one town, but we were in another school district. The population of the village (yes, it's actually classified as a village) was 171. K-12, we had less than 350 people in the school. People grew up on land owned by their great-great grandparents. People raised beef cattle, milk cattle, chickens, hogs, and there was a soybean farmer as well. We personally raised beef cattle.

In the village, we had a volunteer fire department; a diner/hair salon; and the corner store, which sold gas, the usual convenience store stuff, as well as some grocery staples (bread, milk, eggs, etc). This was also the location of the video store, but they only had about 30 movies.

The nearest town (the one that was technically my address), had a population of about 8,000. It was a mostly 'dry' town, because of the local baptist university. It could be described as the typical small town that you see in movies.

I happened to meet my fiance in that town. And my best friend is also from there. But the three of us wanted out of the small town life and fled to the nearest big city as soon as possible after high school graduation. We all went to college in the same city and then moved to the same bigger city after we college. None of us really want to move back home.

so is that more M. Night Shyamalan, or Ned Beatty and a banjo player? :razz:

[asm198]

so is that more M. Night Shyamalan, or Ned Beatty and a banjo player? :razz:

You trying to play with me, sweetheart? :huge: Banjo all the way.

I could roll into town, being gone for 8 years, and have total support from the entire town, simply because I was "local'. It's truly disturbing. "You" would get shit from the town, however. They'd support a local person to their death before they'd ever support an 'outsider'.

[asm198]

I live just outside of a town of 3200. My hometown was in dire economic straits in the early 80s, so they forsook all tradition and sold the town's soul to get factories and fast food places to move to town and open up.

So what we have is an interesting dichotomy: Middle-class families that would be well at home in the suburbs working management in factories or owning small businesses or working for the huge gas station franchisee office in town. But if the women were to get divorced, they'd leave town instantly.

And then the rednecks. I'm a good Ozark redneck myself, but those people scare me. Most of those guys are cooking meth out in the woods anyway. I want no part of that. Lot of aimless people with no ambition, etc. They're living with abusive people for the most part.

What makes the situation worse is that I live 25 miles from my alma mater. It's 65% male, and half of the women don't speak English. The other half all have boyfriends out of town. Every time I asked a girl out on campus, that was what I was told.

So that's why I take advantage of the Interstate Highway System and travel to St. Louis with frequency. That's what it's for! :razz: But when I talk about everybody I meet being hooked up, I count STL in that too. Everything I do and every group I join in STL is full of married 30-somethings. It's insane. :madder:

Confidence won't help you when you're the ONLY fish in the pond. :idea:




I've spent 4 1/2 years trying to find a real job in a bigger city. I simply could not move to St. Louis and transfer my hotel housekeeping job to a property in STL. I wouldn't make nearly enough for that to work.

I want to move to a bigger city, and I'm starting to understand why. But this would require me to get a real job, and that's a whole other set of problems.

Paul

Ok, Paul, I'll bite. I need to know where you're from. PM me. Us people from the Ozarks take 'offense' those those who pretend they're actually from the Ozarks. Especially those in the STL area. Heh.

[PenforPrez]

I could roll into town, being gone for 8 years, and have total support from the entire town, simply because I was "local'. It's truly disturbing. "You" would get shit from the town, however. They'd support a local person to their death before they'd ever support an 'outsider'.

My town isn't like that anymore; used to be. :sad: We sold out everything for $8 an hour factory jobs. It's not worth it.

Paul

[wordsmith]

how rural exactly are you guys? do you live in towns? surrounded by farms? i'm picturing the areas around upstate ny which are rural, and those little towns are truly isolated, and i can't imagine even attempting dating there.

I grew up on a farm three miles outside of the nearest town, which was population 350 at the time. It's currently at pop. 300. It has a post office, a bar, and an agricultural products plant. It was a teeming village in the mid to late 1800s, when it had been a stagecoach stop on the stage line from Peoria to Chicago, and was up through the 1960s, when the railroad vein that ran through it went bust, and it was no longer an important rail stop. The town is named for my great great grandfather, who first settled and platted it. Right now, it's known solely for being home to the first wind farm in my state, which broke ground a couple of years ago. It's a little, nothing much there village these days, and there's no way you'd find anybody to date there.

Where I live, thousands upon thousands, millions, really of acres of corn and soybean field are dotted with small communities like this, and the occasional slightly larger one thrown in. Since my "hometown," above, had no school (it was consolidated in the 1960s and torn down), I went to school in the nearest town big enough to have a school, which is also the town I live and work in now. It's about 7,000 people and is the prototypical movie and TV show small town.

So, yes, very isolated.

But when you live out here, dating "locally" really doesn't mean "from your town." Obviously the pools of both the village I was raised near and the small town I attended high school in are pretty shallow. When I date, I have about a 50 mile radius that I look at. Somebody who lives 45 minutes from me is close, by my standards. You do what you have to. And, actually, in the five years since I've been back in the rural area, I've dated about a hundred times more than when I lived in a city. It's in my favor out here that I'm a rare commodity...approaching 30 and unmarried. I have very little competition.


also, i totally agree with you about moving... i think it's a lot more difficult to move from a high cost area to a low cost area. people where i live simply don't earn enough to pack up and move to a big city, because pay here is scaled to our low cost of living. and i don't even live in a rural area... just in a medium-sized city.

In my fields, pay is pretty standard regardless of the area. A newspaper job pays the same in suburban Chicago as it does the sticks, and neither is much. Same with nonprofit social work, my earlier field before journalism. Jobs advocating for at-risk kids are going to be under 30k whether you're in a small town like I'm in now, in Chicago like I was before, or in an affluent suburb like the one I was offered earlier this year. There is no real adjustment for COL that I've noticed.

[wordsmith]

You trying to play with me, sweetheart? :huge: Banjo all the way.

I could roll into town, being gone for 8 years, and have total support from the entire town, simply because I was "local'. It's truly disturbing. "You" would get shit from the town, however. They'd support a local person to their death before they'd ever support an 'outsider'.

Whereas I've actually noticed the opposite, to an extent.

It's true, in some cases, you'll always be the hometown girl. My job with the paper can be easier, at times, b/c I AM the local one. The reporter I work most closely with grew up only about 15 miles away, and she "ain't from here," and people won't talk to her the same as me. And being a hometown girl certainly didn 't hurt me in terms of even getting the job, either.

But people stop relating to you when you've gone and lived elsewhere and returned. You get accused, both blatantly and in an implied manner, of thinking you're better, more worldly, more cultured, more educated, whatever than anybody else when you've gone off and returned. People resent you leaving and coming back, at times.

[asm198]

Whereas I've actually noticed the opposite, to an extent.

It's true, in some cases, you'll always be the hometown girl. My job with the paper can be easier, at times, b/c I AM the local one. The reporter I work most closely with grew up only about 15 miles away, and she "ain't from here," and people won't talk to her the same as me. And being a hometown girl certainly didn 't hurt me in terms of even getting the job, either.

But people stop relating to you when you've gone and lived elsewhere and returned. You get accused, both blatantly and in an implied manner, of thinking you're better, more worldly, more cultured, more educated, whatever than anybody else when you've gone off and returned. People resent you leaving and coming back, at times.

Well, that's very true. I wasn't a true local. I actually moved into the community when I was 8 and was treated like a total and complete outsider until about sophomore year of high school. My apparent nickname was 'snotty big city', which couldn't have been further from the truth. I just moved from one small town to another. But, at some point, people got fiercely loyal. It was like the saying about how you can treat your family a certain way, but no one else can.

I got such a weird mix of reactions in high school. No one invited me to parties, I wasn't in the 'in crowd', etc. But I was nominated for every 'Miss' or 'Queen' thing we had in school and was always nominated by my classmates for something every year. I could tell that people were treating me a bit differently, but never knew why until much later. Which, actually, only added to my confusion about high school.

It's such a strange situation in that town. So strange.

[ScottyTheBody]

Well, that's very true. I wasn't a true local. I actually moved into the community when I was 8 and was treated like a total and complete outsider until about sophomore year of high school. My apparent nickname was 'snotty big city', which couldn't have been further from the truth. I just moved from one small town to another. But, at some point, people got fiercely loyal. It was like the saying about how you can treat your family a certain way, but no one else can.

I got such a weird mix of reactions in high school. No one invited me to parties, I wasn't in the 'in crowd', etc. But I was nominated for every 'Miss' or 'Queen' thing we had in school and was always nominated by my classmates for something every year. I could tell that people were treating me a bit differently, but never knew why until much later. Which, actually, only added to my confusion about high school.

It's such a strange situation in that town. So strange.


Why did you think they did treat you differently?

[asm198]

Why did you think they did treat you differently?

It's hard to explain. We were such a small school, so it wasn't unusual to have friends and social groups throughout 9-12. I was in every club on the planet, I was a cheerleader, basketball player, and captain of the volleyball team. So I wasn't anti-social, but I didn't talk a whole bunch in classes and stuff. By the time high school hit, I was completely over the whole scene, in regards to people in my own class.

Freshman year, I refused to hang out with any of them. I had been treated pretty awful in 8th grade, so I basically gave a big F-you to my class. And yes, that sounds completely stupid. However, I had 28 people in my class and had to deal with those same people for every class in 8th grade. I basically had no other interaction with people in other grades that year, so I was a bit bitter. So I hung out with the juniors and seniors. I interacted with them in school and did some stuff with them outside of school.

However, all through high school there was this weird 'save asm from alcohol' thing going on. If there was a party that I knew about or people had asked me to go, people would put away their alcohol. I wasn't anti-alcohol, cigs, or drugs, but no one would let me be around it. My sophomore year, I ran into some guys from my class one night, as they were headed to a party. We get there and haven't even gotten out of the car when this guy comes up to the car. He knew everyone in the car and had partied with everyone else. He sees me and tells us we'd better get out of here because I don't need a "MIP" on my record. Because 'I'm better than that'.

Stuff like that happened over and over and I never could figure it out. Everyone either disregarded me in daily life, except for the 6 or so friends in my class that I had gotten when I realized that the juniors (then seniors) would be leaving soon and I'd have no friends my age or older, or I was nominated for all the popular stuff. It was just really confusing to me and by my senior year, I had enough. So, I started becoming really, really vocal in classes. I actually got into a very heated argument with a guy in senior English, where I basically called him a complete and utter moron, among other things. Apparently that fight had made an impact on some people in the class, because 6 months or so later, when it was time to sign yearbooks, that's all people could talk about and write about in my book.

Anyway, several years after high school, I ran into the brother,and an old friend of mine, of a classmate at the mall. He just couldn't get over how I had 'changed'. Literally, the only changes were that I lived in a different place, I had cut my hair, and I smoked. My mannerisms and all of that had stayed the same. But he kept bringing up how different I was, so I finally asked him what he meant. Apparently, in high school, everyone thought I was a hyper-religious (like Mormon or something) person and that everyone thought I wanted to leave the town to go on a religious quest to convert and save the world.

This news completely and totally blew me away. But stuff that happened in school started making total sense. Besides the beer thing, when I was hanging out in town and stuff, people from school refused to cuss in front of me. Like, if someone slipped up or something and I was in earshot, they would stop their story or conversation and pointedly appologized to me for the language.

For instance, I was once talking to a classmate of mine in the local hangout spot. I had long since given up hanging out with any of my high school friends after school was over. Very few of the friends I went to high school with wanted to actually meet outside of school, so I hung out in a neighboring town and hung out with those people after school hours. Anyway, so I had run into this classmate of mine that I didn't really hang out with normally. He was a really nice guy, but we ran in different crowds. We're talking and this younger guy we went to school with came up to him to say hi and tell him something. He's talking and cussing and whatever and I'm not the least bit offended, but he suddenly notices me and completely clams up and says he's sorry for the language. I tell him it's totally fine, but he won't continue until my classmate tells him I'm cool and to go on.

Now, I don't know if they thought I was a narc or something, but there were just way too many incidences like that to be a coincidence. So, after the friend I ran into told me what everyone thought I was like, I realized that no one in high school had any idea whatsoever who I actually WAS in high school.

I don't know. I wouldn't have cared if I wasn't invited to stuff, as long as it was because they felt I wasn't popular enough. I mean, if they didn't want me to be a 'hanger on' or something, that was fine. But they had no idea who I actually was. I had grown up with these people. They were assholes to me, so I shunned them for a different crowd, which did the exact same things they did. Yet, everyone apparently saw me so completely in the opposite direction than I really was that it's really startling to me.


This likely is just long winded and doesn't answer the question, but it's about the best I can do. It sounds so incredibly stupid to be weirded out about now, since high school ended for me 8 years ago and the incident with my friend in the mall was 4 years ago. But I just haven't been able to figure it out. I mean, I was pretty much silent in class, but what I did, how I acted, etc, were so drastically different than how everyone apparently saw me that it makes me wonder why.