"Male, 24, This Is How It Is For Me" prose by what_the_hey

[what_the_hey]

"Male, 24, This Is How It Is For Me"

prose by what_the_hey


[author's note: just a little something i wrote last night at about four in the morning.]







I feel like a cliché.

More and more often the thought enters my mind that I don’t want to live. I don’t mean this in the suicidal sense. What I do mean is that life takes certain necessities; you have to do certain things to live.

And I don’t want to do them.

I don’t want to devote my waking hours to being a small cog in a big machine. I don’t want to exert the effort it takes to meet new people.

I haven’t made a new friend in years.

I’m sick of thinking about everything all the time, but I hate those people who never seem to think.

I realize there’s a lot of things that I don’t want to do, yet I haven’t the slightest idea of what I’d rather be doing instead.

I feel like I’m at the end of my best years. Between high school and college, it was a time when there were hundreds and hundreds of people in close proximity at all times. I couldn’t help but talk to them. I couldn’t help but be seen by them. Everyone was trying to have fun.

And there I was, being a fucking jerk-off, getting fucked up all the time and never getting fucked up as often as I wanted. Alienating people because there was an infinite supply of people to alienate.

I wasted weeks at a time doing absolutely nothing because I had no idea that time would ever run out.

I never talked to pretty girls, or even ugly ones. I didn’t go to bars or parties because I would rather stay home and smoke pot. It was always, ‘Why bother? There’ll always be more.’

Now I’m twenty-four and there’s nobody around. The friends I have are left-overs. And when it comes to doing something about it, I don’t know if I just don’t know how, or if I’m incapable or if I’m just plain scared. A scared fucking jerk-off.

I don’t have anyone to call a best friend. Sure as shit, nobody calls me theirs.

I feel like everyone I know has sold out; that all the things they used to say were just cheap talk that they never really meant. Things they said just to sound cool, about how and what’s wrong with the world and what’s wrong with the system.

And they said, ‘Fuck the system.’

And they said, ‘We’ll never be like that.’

And now they all are. They’re all like that.

‘Because it’s a necessary part of living in the world,’ they say. ‘You’ve got to be a part of the system to survive.’

I understand that.

What gets to me, though, is that they all seem to surrender to it so easily, as if they don’t even remember who they used to be. As if they never really meant the things they used to say.

And all the while, I was the only fool who actually believed it. And now I’m the only fool left who still believes it.

It begs the question:

If every day brings me face to face with necessary evils—If every day confronts me with the forced condition of doing things I hate just so I can live another day after, and another after that, just so I can wake up again and again to do the same—

When does it become worth it?

When do all the things I've done that I hated doing all roll up and pay off?

Is it when I get to take two weeks vacation time each year?

Is it when I have kids and watch them grow up in a world that’s even shittier than the shitty world I grew up in?

Is it when I retire at the young age of seventy?

I feel like I can’t justify it.

How can I force myself into being someone I don’t want to be when there doesn’t seem to be any reward to be striving for?

I should give up all my ideals and principles and turn myself into a hypocrite just to earn the right to keep on living?

Living hasn’t been so good to me up until now; why should I think it’ll get better?

And when I actually put forth the effort, it seems to be even worse than when I don’t.

I say to myself, ‘Okay, let’s give it a shot. Let’s see if maybe everyone else is right and I’m wrong.’

And I give it a shot. For real. For long lengths of time.

And it’s still the same as it’s ever been.

Then I think to myself, ‘Maybe this is still all my fault.’

So I try even harder, and still no dice.

[what_the_hey]

And then the best moment comes when I finally give up. I give up and it’s like that cliché where the huge weight has been lifted. A great pressure disappears and there’s a wonderful relief.

It feels so amazing to have given up. So good, but it fades like everything else fades, and I’m alone again.

I laugh at myself when I think about how I miss having a relationship.

I look around and see people I know who’ve had one relationship after another and how happy they seem. And I’m jealous of them.

And then I laugh at myself.

Why?

Because I wouldn’t even want to be in a relationship with me. I’m depressing.

In the past decade, there’s only been two years of the ten that I could call myself truly happy. When I was in love, and loved in return.

It feels so long ago now. It’s been five years since I’ve been happy, and I can’t even imagine how I might get to a place like that again.

Sure, there’s been fun days here and there. Sometimes there’s been a whole fun week or a good month. But back then I had real happiness, not just periods of time when I’d forget.

So what do I do?

I should go find a job, right? That’s right; I’ve been unemployed for nine months and living with my parents for five.

I should go and become like everyone else, right?

I should put on a tie and uncomfortable shoes and take on that numb, broken look I see on people’s faces on the subways as they ride home from work.

I should work my ass off for forty hours each week so that whoever or whatever I’m working for can profit more than they pay me.

I should make small talk with my coworkers, chatting them up about whatever stupid TV show we both watch, or what they or I did last weekend when we weren’t too exhausted to go out to wherever we might go out.

I should pretend to care because it breaks the monotony of the day. Not because I want to talk to these people, but because they’re stuck there just like me, spending all their energy in a place doing a thing that, given the choice, they and I would rather not do.

These are the people I’ll call my new friends. Right?

Not because I want to be friends with them, but because it’s either them or nothing. Right?

This is what I have to look forward to in the morning when I wake up and call a temp agency and tell them I’m looking for work.

‘Yes, of course,’ I’ll tell them, ‘I love to work. I am energetic. I am a self-starter with real motivation.’

Sitting at a computer for eight hours a day, taking shit from middle-management types who I’d run circles around any way you care to slice it? Yes, I’d love to.

And when they ask what I’ve been doing for the last nine months, since my résumé shows I haven’t had a job since last January, I’ll come up with a lie.

Of course I’ll lie. Because nobody wants to hear the truth that I quit my job and did nothing for four months, then drove back across the country to live with my parents and do nothing for another five.

Nobody hires anyone based on honesty. They hire people based on how well they can pull off the act they’re looking for.

‘Oh,’ I’ll say, ‘I was living it up all this time. I figured I was young and I wanted to seize the day, so I took this amazing trip around this great country for six months. I only just got settled in here and now I can’t wait to strap on those uncomfortable shoes and choke myself with the silk noose.’

So if I don’t want to do this, you ask, why don’t I go find a career doing something I’d actually enjoy?

Well it’s because I’ve got a plan, of course.

‘I’m going back to school. I’m going to go get a degree; a masters of fine arts in creative writing. That’s what I want to do.’

Or so I say.

Yet, to myself I have doubts.

Do I want to go back to school because I want to be a writer?

Yes.

Do I think I’ll actually end up being a writer?

Probably not.

I’ll be one of the thousands of other kids in their late twenties just like me: overeducated and at a loss.

‘Oh, but there’s a back-up plan,’ I say. ‘If I don’t end up becoming a writer, the degree will let me teach at the college level. See? There’s a plan for the future here! I have a direction to head towards for the next few years.’

This is what I say.

This is what I tell people, my friends, my parents.

But internally, I have my doubts.

Is this what I’m doing because it’s really what I want to do? Or am I just trying to put off real life for a few more years?

I’m going to take out loans and put myself into debt so I can go back to college for a few more years before I end up working at a job I hate anyway.

So I can be on the same path as everyone else, only a few years behind.

And I’ll get my paychecks and I’ll buy clothes and put food on the table and pay rent and finance a car—All the things that make a real person. So I can look responsible and confident.

A real go-getter. An energetic self-starter.

So I can be financially secure, because, of course, that’s the only way for an average Joe like me to ever get a girl to look at him twice.

Back in college it was so much easier; all I’d have to do was look cool and talk some game and girls were fine with that.

I couldn’t even handle that, and now that’s not even enough.

Now I’ve got to be stable. I have to have a wallet that says I’m a good provider.

That way, I can hopefully meet a woman who I’ll try to love. And she’ll say she loves me. And I’ll buy a house she can go nuts decorating. And we’ll have kids that I’ll provide for. And she’ll keep telling me she loves me.

Maybe it’ll work for a while. Until I start resenting her.

Because I’ll know that she doesn’t really love me.

She thinks she loves me. Maybe she really, really thinks she loves me. But in reality, she just loves the life I’ll give her.

She loves the benefits. She loves the time I put into that job I hate. She loves the paychecks and the health coverage. The minivan and the dental plan.

She’ll say she loves me but she’ll really just be in love with the things that make me a good provider, which are the things that I’ll hate—The things that will make me feel like I sold out. Like I surrendered the same as everyone else.

And I’ll think back to the days when I would say things about how the system is broken. And I’ll remember how I truly meant them and truly believed it. I’ll wonder when it was that I gave in and turned numb because it was easier than feeling the pain.

Of course, I could never say any of that to her.

How dare I bring my own selfish self-pity into her happy little life?

But it’ll be there anyway. Either she’ll cheat on me or I’ll cheat on her.

And our kids—those rotten fucking ungrateful kids—

They can grow up in lives paid for by my surrendered ideals. They’ll grow up in a world that’s even shittier than the one I grew up in, so that eventually they can get to where I am now: wondering how to win in a system set up for everyone to lose.

I go through the whole thought process and I end up back here all over again thinking, ‘Is that really my future? And if it is, is it worth going through what it takes to get there?’

I guess I’ll find out. It’s not like I have a choice.

Choice is an illusion we take solace in during our better years. One illusion among many. And now those years are coming to an end.

Correction:

They’ve been over for some time now and I’ve been in denial.

‘Suck it up,’ the voice-in-my-head-that-sounds-like-my-father says. ‘Take it like a man.’

‘That’s what we all do,’ it says.

‘Why are you any different?’ it says.

‘You think you’re better than everyone else?’ it says.

‘Yes,’ I answer. ‘I do think that.’

‘You arrogant little prick,’ it says. ‘What makes you think you’re better than everyone else?’

‘Well,’ I answer, ‘Because I at least have the decency to hate myself for that surrender. While everyone else tries to convince themselves that they’re leading good lives—While everyone else tries to forget the ideals they used to treasure, I’ll always remember. And while I’m sucking it up and taking it like a man—While I’m selling out and surrendering—While I’m giving up my freedom of choice and giving in to the system, I’ll hate myself for it. That’s what makes me better.’

There’s silence in my head for a moment, but then the voice-in-my-head-that-sounds-like-my-father replies, ‘You certainly are fucked up.’

[Irish79]

You've touched on some things that I think about a lot too. Sometimes life seems without purpose and I hate to think of living the rest of my life in a 9-5 job getting nowhere and ending up disappointed and defeated. Our society revolves around things that are not truly important when it comes right down to it. Money shouldn't be the driving factor, but it is to so many people.

I try to remember what is most important to me and what things make me happy - and then focus on creating a life based on those things. So, for example, I'm not in a career where I will ever make a lot of money. However, I get to be in an environment I love, and I get to see how my work affects people in a positive way.

And don't assume that someone will love you or say they love you just so you will provide for them. Not everyone prioritizes their life in that way and to think they do is pretty cynical.

-Also, you should pursue the creative writing degree!

[ScottyTheBody]

Wow, let me just say wow.

What an awesome rant or whatever. I've felt the same way about many of those things (except the pot) but, I haven't read anything that seems to connect to some of my exact thoughts about pointlessness and the system.

If you ever write a book (and its written like this), tell me because I'd buy it and read it.

[SunDevil]

So I can be financially secure, because, of course, that’s the only way for an average Joe like me to ever get a girl to look at him twice.

Back in college it was so much easier; all I’d have to do was look cool and talk some game and girls were fine with that.

I couldn’t even handle that, and now that’s not even enough.

Now I’ve got to be stable. I have to have a wallet that says I’m a good provider.



It still hasn't worked out for me. I thought that the reason I was single was because I never had a good job until after college, and now there are no girls to be found.

Other than the drugs, that pretty much sums up what I was feeling when I was 23.

[CTGirl]

Now I’ve got to be stable. I have to have a wallet that says I’m a good provider.

That way, I can hopefully meet a woman who I’ll try to love. And she’ll say she loves me. And I’ll buy a house she can go nuts decorating. And we’ll have kids that I’ll provide for. And she’ll keep telling me she loves me.

Maybe it’ll work for a while. Until I start resenting her.

Because I’ll know that she doesn’t really love me.

She thinks she loves me. Maybe she really, really thinks she loves me. But in reality, she just loves the life I’ll give her.

She loves the benefits. She loves the time I put into that job I hate. She loves the paychecks and the health coverage. The minivan and the dental plan.

She’ll say she loves me but she’ll really just be in love with the things that make me a good provider, which are the things that I’ll hate—The things that will make me feel like I sold out. Like I surrendered the same as everyone else.



It makes me sad when guys think about women this way. I've never dated a guy who had more money than me, and I think its really common for the "modern day woman" to ba all about being self-sufficient, and not depending on a man, and yet a lot of men still seem to feel like they need to be the "provider" and have money for women to be interested in them.

The things you've touched on here, are so common to so many of us here. The whole idea that you "need" to get a "normal" job and make a decent living and wear a tie every day and be miserable for most of your life following the plan that society has laid out is depressing.

I had a great teacher in hs, who once said "the only things you HAVE to do, are pay taxes and die" and this line has stuck with me ever since. I find it inspiring to remind myself that I dont have to follow these "rules" that society has, and I can, and should, go about my life however I see fit.

[LaFille]

It makes me sad when guys think about women this way.

me too. no use getting worked up about it when it hasn't even happened yet.

[wordsmith]

I had a great teacher in hs, who once said "the only things you HAVE to do, are pay taxes and die" and this line has stuck with me ever since.

Were you taught by my dad? B/C that's one of his favorite lines.

[IndecisiveGeek]

Thanks for the post, I really enjoyed reading it.

Thats exactly how I think most of the time, then theres this small portion of time where I chase the illusion that money/cars/cloths/etc will make me happy/desirable/a man. And so around I go on the merry-go-round changing my mind and getting no where.

[zen_mistress]

It makes me sad when guys think about women this way

I also feel this. I just finished dating a guy who didnt have a lot of money to throw around. He was my friend and he was set to go backpacking on Sept 30th. I dated him for four weeks in total (which I was not expecting to do at all. He was supposed to just be a friend.)

Now that he has got on a plane and flown away, the thing I remember the most is the intimacy. Lying across him listening to his heart beat. The way he would wake up and reach for me immediately, or try to go to sleep holding me.. just the constant chatting.. and the feeling like I didnt need to look my best all the time. I dont really feel that comfortable with a guy often.

It had nothing to do with his bank balance, or his job, or a health plan, or a minivan. Believe me.

C
~

[LaFille]

no responses from the author?

[what_the_hey]

what kind of response would you like? :)

[The X]

I high school I used to think I needed to get a car before I could get a girlfriend. Got a car, still couldn't get a gf. Then after college I thought I needed to get a good job before a girl would like me. Got a good job, still haven't been able to get a girl friend. Meanwhile in college when I was super poor girls attacked me in droves. Depends on situation, meeting people, and the fact that I'm super shy, I have to admit "most" girls aren't gold diggers.

[CTGirl]

I high school I used to think I needed to get a car before I could get a girlfriend. Got a car, still couldn't get a gf. Then after college I thought I needed to get a good job before a girl would like me. Got a good job, still haven't been able to get a girl friend. Meanwhile in college when I was super poor girls attacked me in droves. Depends on situation, meeting people, and the fact that I'm super shy, I have to admit "most" girls aren't gold diggers.

Exactly, I think that especially at our age, most of us don't expect the guys we date to be wealthy. I think the more important thing there is a guy who has goals, and is successful and happy in whatever it is that he does. I'd rather date a guy who was pursuing the low-paying manual labor job that he loved than a miserable, wealthy, stock trader.

[The X]

Exactly, I think that especially at our age, most of us don't expect the guys we date to be wealthy. I think the more important thing there is a guy who has goals, and is successful and happy in whatever it is that he does. I'd rather date a guy who was pursuing the low-paying manual labor job that he loved than a miserable, wealthy, stock trader.
I know what you're saying but I most point out that the manual laborer is more likely to be miserable than the wealthy guy, yeah studies have been made and money does buy happiness, not always though.

[CTGirl]

I know what you're saying but I most point out that the manual laborer is more likely to be miserable than the wealthy guy, yeah studies have been made and money does buy happiness, not always though.

Perhaps, but not in my experience. I have actually made this actual decision in my life, with 2 real people. It's all about perspective.

[cache]

Money only buys happiness to the poverty line. Once someone is above the poverty line, there is no correlation between money and happiness.

[CTGirl]

Money only buys happiness to the poverty line. Once someone is above the poverty line, there is no correlation between money and happiness.

Very true, but "poverty line" is not the word I would use, cuz its really a subjective thing, more like "comfortable standard of living" for that individual.

There's actually a psych theory that gets into this actually, and basically says what you're saying, but I wont bore people with that, lol

[The X]

Money only buys happiness to the poverty line. Once someone is above the poverty line, there is no correlation between money and happiness.
I agree. My point was that manual laborer is likely to be below that poverty line, and hence miserable. Not all the time, sometimes you can get good pay doing manual labor but that's getting more scarce.

[cache]

I agree. My point was that manual laborer is likely to be below that poverty line, and hence miserable. Not all the time, sometimes you can get good pay doing manual labor but that's getting more scarce.

I somewhat disagree with this...skilled labor still pays pretty decently. Skilled craftspeople in construction(electricians, pipefitters, etc) make about $30 an hour. Most skilled laborers are in that same range. Even skilled manufacturing jobs are in the $15-20 range.

I think what you may be referring to is the unskilled service jobs, eg McD's. But on that point, I think the problem may not be so much money as other issues...working at McD's or anywhere else is fine(I worked there for 5 years as a teen!), but if someone makes a non-management career ouyt of that, just creeping along at minimum wage, how attractive does that person become? Both men and women want a partner who is not necessarily "shooting for the stars" but at least someone who wants a better life than minimum wage can provide. If someone is contented in those jobs, THAT is what may seriously impair his/her ability to find gf/bf's.

[The X]

I somewhat disagree with this...skilled labor still pays pretty decently. Skilled craftspeople in construction(electricians, pipefitters, etc) make about $30 an hour. Most skilled laborers are in that same range. Even skilled manufacturing jobs are in the $15-20 range.


Yeah those jobs aren't what I was talking about, that's good pay. But can be had without a college degree. I think those jobs are damn hard to get though, and you have to know somebody. Took me a year after college to get the good job I just got (engineering). I almost gave up and tried to get a job like what you describe, trying getting an apprenticeship, no luck. And I know a kid who just graduated high school, now making bank as a plumber. But guess what his dad owns his plumbing business and is the one who gave his kid a start. Not complaining, just saying that's how it goes.

[CTGirl]

Both men and women want a partner who is not necessarily "shooting for the stars" but at least someone who wants a better life than minimum wage can provide. If someone is contented in those jobs, THAT is what may seriously impair his/her ability to find gf/bf's.

I slightly disagree. If someone is working in fast food, but actually likes it, I don't have a problem with that really. What I have a problem with in potential dates is when someone is too lazy/unmotivated to get out of a job he doesnt like. If he's happy and doing what he loves, it doesn't matter what it is or how much he makes.

[cache]

Yeah those jobs aren't what I was talking about, that's good pay. But can be had without a college degree. I think those jobs are damn hard to get though, and you have to know somebody. Took me a year after college to get the good job I just got (engineering). I almost gave up and tried to get a job like what you describe, trying getting an apprenticeship, no luck. And I know a kid who just graduated high school, now making bank as a plumber. But guess what his dad owns his plumbing business and is the one who gave his kid a start. Not complaining, just saying that's how it goes.

I think the path to those jobs can just as easily be as a basic laborer making 8-10 an hour. Apprenticeships come once you prove yourself. I work in a place where I hire all levels of people: skilled labor, technical, and professional. Most people don't end up in the same field as where they started. You have to be willing to put in time at the "bottom".


I slightly disagree. If someone is working in fast food, but actually likes it, I don't have a problem with that really. What I have a problem with in potential dates is when someone is too lazy/unmotivated to get out of a job he doesnt like. If he's happy and doing what he loves, it doesn't matter what it is or how much he makes.

Slightly? Go ahead...you can say it, I can handle it....OK, seriously, I agree with your point, but I think most people in minimum wage service jobs are not happy. I have a friend who works for a surfboard manufacturer and he sells boards to surf shops. His pay is mostly commission based, and even in a great month, he grosses 2K. He loves doing it, and that is what matters. He told me he wants to spend his life doing this. But I think he is the exception.

[The X]

I think the path to those jobs can just as easily be as a basic laborer making 8-10 an hour. Apprenticeships come once you prove yourself. I work in a place where I hire all levels of people: skilled labor, technical, and professional. Most people don't end up in the same field as where they started. You have to be willing to put in time at the "bottom".





That's great and all, proving youself at the bottom is great, just depends what the bottom is, let's face it $8-10/hr is not survivable.

[CTGirl]

Slightly? Go ahead...you can say it, I can handle it....OK, seriously, I agree with your point, but I think most people in minimum wage service jobs are not happy. I have a friend who works for a surfboard manufacturer and he sells boards to surf shops. His pay is mostly commission based, and even in a great month, he grosses 2K. He loves doing it, and that is what matters. He told me he wants to spend his life doing this. But I think he is the exception.

True, but the point I was trying to make, in reference to the theme of the thread here, is that it's not about how much money a guy is making, or how successful he appears to be in the eyes of society, it's how successful he is at achieving his own personal goals, and being satisfied with himself that matters (to me at least).

I know of a couple people who really enjoy the retail work they do, so yeah, they're rare, but they're out there.

[WorkInProgress]

That's great and all, proving youself at the bottom is great, just depends what the bottom is, let's face it $8-10/hr is not survivable.

Not in the long term, no. But $8-10/her is better than no job, I expect, in most cases.

[The X]

Not in the long term, no. But $8-10/her is better than no job, I expect, in most cases.
Yeah I'm just saying I understand why this Columbia guy is complaining about that being all he can get.

[WorkInProgress]

Yeah I'm just saying I understand why this Columbia guy is complaining about that being all he can get.

Yep, I get that. I couldn't make it without help if that's all I made.

[CTGirl]

Doesn't that depend where you live though? I bet there are places in the US where you could make it on $8-10 an hour (although definitely not here, lol).

[wordsmith]

Doesn't that depend where you live though? I bet there are places in the US where you could make it on $8-10 an hour (although definitely not here, lol).

There are places where you can make it on that amount. When I started entry level at my job, that's what my salary broke down to.

[LaFille]

Doesn't that depend where you live though? I bet there are places in the US where you could make it on $8-10 an hour (although definitely not here, lol).

where i live you could live on that, and people do.

whoever said that it depends on your perspective is TOTALLY right... two people can have the same job and one can think it is below them, badly paying, and demeaning while the other is grateful just to have a job. i'm not under the mistaken impression that poor people are happy struggling each month to make ends meet... i know this is not the case. but i also know that rich people aren't necessarily happy solely because of their financial situation. being wealthy presents its own set of issues.

and as for girls being gold diggers... don't get me wrong, they're out there. but i don't think they're the majority, and if you get involved with one, it's your own damn fault. chances are there's something you wanted out of being with her, too... ;):

[LaFille]

There's actually a psych theory that gets into this actually, and basically says what you're saying, but I wont bore people with that, lol

hey, go ahead, if it's not a pain in the ass to type out!

[CTGirl]

hey, go ahead, if it's not a pain in the ass to type out!

Well the theory that I was referring to is the "two-factor theory" by Herzberg, which is generally used for employee satisfaction stuff. Basically what it says is that there are certain "hygiene factors" (like money) that get you from unsatisfied to satisfied, but in order to get you to a point where you're truly happy/motivated, there are "motivational factors" that are higher level things.

In other words, having a decent salary only gets you to the point where you're not unhappy, not to the point where you're happy

[LaFille]

Well the theory that I was referring to is the "two-factor theory" by Herzberg, which is generally used for employee satisfaction stuff. Basically what it says is that there are certain "hygiene factors" (like money) that get you from unsatisfied to satisfied, but in order to get you to a point where you're truly happy/motivated, there are "motivational factors" that are higher level things.

In other words, having a decent salary only gets you to the point where you're not unhappy, not to the point where you're happy


i'll buy that.

[LaFille]

what kind of response would you like? :)

ummm, i don't know! you're the writer, not me!

[g8ergal83]

What I have a problem with in potential dates is when someone is too lazy/unmotivated to get out of a job he doesnt like. If he's happy and doing what he loves, it doesn't matter what it is or how much he makes.

Most of us are doing something we dont like. I hate my job, but it pays more than any other job in this town and I have to stay here until I get hired doing what I want. Most of us are motiated just by the fact that we hate our jobs, but it really becomes reality when you cant find that job or you've found it and they dont want you. Then what do you do? I've been out of my field for just over a year and I am losing faith that I'll find what I'm looking for.

You are right though, under all of that unmotivation and dislike for the current job there are negative feelings that you bring home to your bf/gf and they get tired of hearing it after a while because it's the same conversation. Just because they're venting the same feelings over and over it sounds like they're content just being stuck because they dont have any intention of getting out of it and making it better.

If that's all someone talks about on a date, there's definitely not going to be a second date. It really doesnt matter to me, or a lot of women, how much a guy makes. I make twice as much as my guy and he's the love of my life. I just have a little more savings, thats all. Your bank balance is not connected to your heart.

[CTGirl]

Most of us are doing something we dont like. I hate my job, but it pays more than any other job in this town and I have to stay here until I get hired doing what I want. Most of us are motiated just by the fact that we hate our jobs, but it really becomes reality when you cant find that job or you've found it and they dont want you. Then what do you do? I've been out of my field for just over a year and I am losing faith that I'll find what I'm looking for.

Well I have not found that to be true, but perhaps my friends and I are the exception. Also, the field that I am in may be skewing my perspective a bit, as the whole point of my work is to make sure that people are happy in their jobs (course if you're correct, then I suppose that's better for me, lol).


Your bank balance is not connected to your heart.

Love this quote!

[Braveheart]

What The Hey,

You are not alone my friend, I feel very similar, and for me it's even worse, I am 27 (soon to be 28) and in your shoes. My life is total shit and I am consumed by anger, hatred and hope-LESS.

[iamkarma]

The fact you realize your unhappy with the path you choose is a first step to take a step in a different direction towards happiness. Never give up, especially on yourself, you can do anything you put your mind to. My dad always told me as a kid noone is better than you so never let others get you down.

[Braveheart]

I wonder what should one do if he sees no steps in the right direction in his life? That's the point I am at, extremely unhappy with my life yet I have no direction to go to, been like this for over 5 years now.