Why is this all wrong!?!

[GreenwithEnvy]

Okay, to anyone who hasn't read my 'introducing myself and my QLC' post, this is it in a nutshell: I graduated in 2003 and in doing so lost my friends, my niche in band, and the first love of my life. Two weeks later my grandfather died. Then I started college and hated it with every fiber of my being. Then I started working retail (still am) and hate that with every fiber of my being.

Three years later, not much has changed (well, that depends on how i look at it...) and I am NOT handling it.

See, I'm still working retail. I hate it and don't make enough money. I'm trying to get a job through a placement agency as a receptionist or something like that, but I'm terrified.

I am extraordinarily frusterated with living at home with my parents. And this factor plus work equals the biggest problem I'm having right now, which was supposed to be the main topic of this post...my grandmother's house.

Since my grandfather's death, my big, slightly obnoxious and usually tightly knit extended family has scattered to various states. Gram lives all by herself in this big, beautiful house that Pap built...and it's been up for sale for about a year and now it's sold. It's sold and she's out of there in 27 days...I want to cry just thinking about it. I could go on and on about why this house means so much to me b/c it's such a part of my childhood and my family in general, but I won't.

Basically I just want the house. If I could live there, things would be great. I'd be away from my parents and the house is big enough that I could have at least 2 or 3 room mates. It's probably paid for so there'd be no rent or mortgage...just utilities and groceries and things. And I'd keep the sentimental factor alive. I just want to keep this house in the family.
I don't want some other strange family to move in, destroy things and totally altar the thing. I don't want to see anyone in that house! I know this is selfish and horrible of me but...I just can't handle this. I lost all that CRAP after graduating and I guess I was sort of holding onto it all and my Pap through that house.
Now it's going to be gone. I don't know what to do. I have no where near enough funds to pay for or even rent the house from my Gram (she needs the $ to live off of so it's not like she could sell it to me for $100 or something). I mean I can barely afford my car.

How am I supposed to deal with this? I am just losing everything and I have gained nothing in return...

[Orca]

Hi,

I know this is tough. Selling a place that meant a lot to you, and which you have lots of golden childhood memories associated with, is painful. But remember it's JUST a house. Your memories will remain. Nothing stays the same forever. Your family are still there and still love you. Living in that house wouldn't turn the clock back to a place and time where you felt more secure. It seems to me that your're connecting all your problems, your desire to move out of your parent's house, the loss of your grandfather and a job you hate, on to this house. So you're getting incredibly upset about the house, but really this is a symptom of a building up of painful feelings about other things, which needs to be tackled before you begin to feel more confident and out of QLC. I hope this doesn't sound too harsh. I do sympathise with you. Try concentrating on another aspect of your life, say applying to new jobs which you would prefer, rather than fretting over the sale of the house which is going to happen, and you have no control over it.

[GreenwithEnvy]

see, another thing about this whole house selling thing is that the holidays are coming, and my huge family used to squish into the house and spend hours there for Thanksgiving, Xmas, New Years, etc...but I mean we don't even get together as a family anymore b/c Gram will be out of state, my two aunts are in NC, my cousins are in GA, and aunt and more cousins are in OH and it's just...empty. The holidays and so many other aspects of my life seem empty b/c the 'glue' that was here when my Pap was still alive is just gone. I don't know how to make up for this void.

I have friends and we spend a lot of time together but it's not the same. I love them and we have some great times but...the past 21 years of my life were just so involved with family and now...I don't know how to deal with knowing that's not going to be a part of my life anymore...