Love of my life returns

[musiclover]

Something unexpected happened on Tuesday which I'd like to get your take on...

I have had one 'love of my life' and it was a while back. It was actually my shortest relationship but the best. Nothing has compared. One of those where you could talk for 4 hours a nite on the phone and it would seem like 5 mins. But, he ended it abruptly one day, saying he was going thru a difficult time with career changes and family problems. I was devastated.

I haven't seen him since, until Tuesday. We had originally met at a weekly event we were both participating in, but he stopped and I've continued. He surprisingly came back on Tuesday. He seemed thrilled to see me and apologized profusely for the way he left me so abruptly. He said he was going thru a deep depression, but has come out of it, gotten a new job and his family is fine. He told me that he'd do anything to make it up to me if we could start hanging out again. But, that he'd understand if I never wanted to speak to him. I could understand though, because I've been thru tough times too. It took just one hug he gave me to bring back all of those feelings. It was like we had never parted and I was home again. I feel guilty though, as I have been seeing someone else. Although, that's not a great relationship at all...

I suggested we have dinner. At the end of the nite, he said he'd talk to me later. But, I haven't heard from him since. I don't know if it was for real or not. I can't imagine he'd say all of those things and not follow thru, especially since he will see me again next Tuesday. But, I don't think I should in any way contact him. What's you all's take on this? I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster and haven't been able to sleep. I guess I got my hopes up..

[asm198]

That happened to me, twice with one guy. He came back into my life, we casually dated for a month, then he ended it suddenly. His reason was that he wasn't ready and was terrified. I vowed to end it for good after that. I moved on, dated two other people and 6 months went by without a word. He emailed me out of the blue one day. I got the email at work, didn't open it, and went to throw up. Heh. I wasn't ready for the drama, but he persisted and I finally gave up and talked to him.

Anyway, I understand how it feels. I would say don't contact him and don't get your hopes up. Keep everything casual, because it's not easier the second time if things don't work out.

[LaFille]

i'd say give him the benefit of the doubt, but only once...

easier said than done though :frustrate

[spiritedaway]

Well, first thing first....he never said he wanted a relationship, right? Just hanging out, so maybe he just wants to be friend? Maybe he's heard through the grapevine that you have a bf so he's thinking that you can both be friends?

Second, and it's more of a question...if you're not in a great relationship, what are you still doing in it? Are you not over the "love of your life" when you got into the current relationship? (It's not fair to him if you're with him if you're only waiting for somebody better to come along...)

I'd say don't contact him in this case. He's the one who broke up with you abruptly, so if he wants to give it a go, the ball's in his court.

As far as whether it's wise to take him back if he makes the effort, that's totally up to you. I have my opinions, but they don't matter. Your heart knows best.

Don't think that far ahead yet. Good luck.

Something unexpected happened on Tuesday which I'd like to get your take on...

I have had one 'love of my life' and it was a while back. It was actually my shortest relationship but the best. Nothing has compared. One of those where you could talk for 4 hours a nite on the phone and it would seem like 5 mins. But, he ended it abruptly one day, saying he was going thru a difficult time with career changes and family problems. I was devastated.

I haven't seen him since, until Tuesday. We had originally met at a weekly event we were both participating in, but he stopped and I've continued. He surprisingly came back on Tuesday. He seemed thrilled to see me and apologized profusely for the way he left me so abruptly. He said he was going thru a deep depression, but has come out of it, gotten a new job and his family is fine. He told me that he'd do anything to make it up to me if we could start hanging out again. But, that he'd understand if I never wanted to speak to him. I could understand though, because I've been thru tough times too. It took just one hug he gave me to bring back all of those feelings. It was like we had never parted and I was home again. I feel guilty though, as I have been seeing someone else. Although, that's not a great relationship at all...

I suggested we have dinner. At the end of the nite, he said he'd talk to me later. But, I haven't heard from him since. I don't know if it was for real or not. I can't imagine he'd say all of those things and not follow thru, especially since he will see me again next Tuesday. But, I don't think I should in any way contact him. What's you all's take on this? I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster and haven't been able to sleep. I guess I got my hopes up..

[musiclover]

Well, first thing first....he never said he wanted a relationship, right? Just hanging out, so maybe he just wants to be friend? Maybe he's heard through the grapevine that you have a bf so he's thinking that you can both be friends?

Second, and it's more of a question...if you're not in a great relationship, what are you still doing in it? Are you not over the "love of your life" when you got into the current relationship? (It's not fair to him if you're with him if you're only waiting for somebody better to come along...)

I'd say don't contact him in this case. He's the one who broke up with you abruptly, so if he wants to give it a go, the ball's in his court.

As far as whether it's wise to take him back if he makes the effort, that's totally up to you. I have my opinions, but they don't matter. Your heart knows best.

Don't think that far ahead yet. Good luck.


He said that he would do anything if we could start seeing each other again. As much as he poured his heart out to me, and had his arms around me the whole nite, I thought I'd hear from him the next day. He also knows the guy that I've been seeing and knows that there isn't much of anything there.

As far as the guy I've been 'seeing'. I'd say for both of us, it's just the companionship. We'd probably be better termed friends, because I think both of us knows that it's not going anywhere. And, no, I wasn't over the 'love of muy life'. Not sure I ever will be..

[spokes]

if i were you i'd be careful making an emotional invest in this new/old relationship. it seems to me like he is talking the talk, but not walking the walk (i.e. he didn't call you).

i suggest leaving the ball in his court to see if he calls you, otherwise i'd suggest that you try and find a way to deal with him and your leftover baggage from the relationship.

[winneythepooh7]

Honestly I think you need to leave guys alone for a bit and get to know yourself. It looks like you are one of those girls who is just looking to be with someone for fear of being alone. Especially by the way you describe your "current relationship". Plus, keep in mind that a lot of people change over the years. He's probably not the same person you remember.

[CTGirl]

Honestly I think you need to leave guys alone for a bit and get to know yourself. It looks like you are one of those girls who is just looking to be with someone for fear of being alone. Especially by the way you describe your "current relationship".

Excellent point, you may be what my friend calls a "monkey" - swinging from branch to branch without ever touching the ground - not a healthy situation

[weary]

i'm sorry but i disagree with spokes.

KICK HIS DAMN BALLS OUT OF THE COURT.

he would do any and everything to have you back but then no call no nothing? yeah, uh-huh. what...does he think you'll just see eachother at the next weekly event and talk then? nah man...show some damn effort if it's that important. walk the talk.

to quote sade, "it's never as good as the first time".

[CTGirl]

i'm sorry but i disagree with spokes.

KICK HIS DAMN BALLS OUT OF THE COURT.

he would do any and everything to have you back but then no call no nothing? yeah, uh-huh. what...does he think you'll just see eachother at the next weekly event and talk then? nah man...show some damn effort if it's that important. walk the talk.

to quote sade, "it's never as good as the first time".

Sometimes I just love you weary, well said!

[shimma]

Sometimes I just love you weary, well said!

Ditto. That is seriously awesome. :cool:

[wordsmith]

i'm sorry but i disagree with spokes.

KICK HIS DAMN BALLS OUT OF THE COURT.

he would do any and everything to have you back but then no call no nothing? yeah, uh-huh. what...does he think you'll just see eachother at the next weekly event and talk then? nah man...show some damn effort if it's that important. walk the talk.

to quote sade, "it's never as good as the first time".

True. Somebody serious would follow through. If he can't even make that effort, what does that say?

[tina1979]

i say at this point give him the benefit of the doubt..maybe something has come up. if he doesn't contact you by your next meet up I would probably just write it off as nostalgia.

as for companionship with the other guy, I don't see the problem with that. As long as both parties understand what it is. You didn't really say if you were commited or not. I definately wouldn't tell you to cheat on if if you are.

I would be weary of taking the other guy "back" quickly though. Move into it slowly. We have all said in other threads that sometimes its just not the right time or you aren't in the right place in your lives for being involved. its seems he was honest about that by calling it off and telling you he was having issues. Maybe he feels he is at a better spot in life for a relationship. You haven't been waiting around for him, but you are still open to hanging out with him again. As long as he follows through I would go slowly.

[musiclover]

Sometimes I just love you weary, well said!


I've been thinking more about his depression, and wondering if perhaps he's not over it as he said. Maybe Tuesday was just a good day. I havent' known many depressed people, but those that I have known can be up one day and very low the next.