Family Visitation

[cache]

The hometown thread got me thinking about something that occasionally pops into my mind.

I have lived in California for about 3 years. In that time, I have been back to Ohio, where my family is, 5 times. Even though I have a busy schedule, I make sure that I stop back, even if just for a few days, to hang out with the family, remaining friends, etc. Plane tickets alone cost 400-600 a pop, but I have never thought of it as an extra expense, but something I want and like to do. Same with using my vacation days.

But in the time I have been here, not one family member has come to California to visit me. Now, I can defend them if I choose: they're busy, in school, short of money, etc... but sometimes, it seems like it may not be important to them like going there is to me. Case in point: last time I was back, my brother and his wife were talking about going to Vegas, and I just mentioned that they should stop by and hang out since they are heading out west. They just kind of blew it off with an “eh, maybe.” I have had a couple friends visit – even one who extended a business trip to hang out for a few days.

It seems I am beginning to question their interest in my life. I know that sounds self-centered, but understand that I have a small family – a few siblings and my mom (plus spouses) and we are very close. I talk to everyone at least once a month, and sometimes several times a week. They all know how happy I am where I live and the life I have, but they seem to be contented just seeing the occasional picture and hearing stories.

I know I will move around in my life, and I don’t expect family to visit everywhere I go, but considering this is the first place I’ve moved and that I have been here for some time now, I would have thought someone would be interested in the place I now call home..

Opinions? Anyone think I am justified in my thinking? Or is this an unreasonable expectation?

[CTGirl]

That sucks cache, I would be annoyed too.

My family actually comes to visit me more than I go to them - course I think that's just because this is new and exciting for them, and my family loves roadtrips (and IKEA, lol). But then, I also only live 2 1/2 hours from them, so its a different perspective.

I have a friend who moved to CA, and she has the opposite problem - her family comes and visits her, but aside from me, not many of her friends ever do, but I think that's a money issue.

[Winter Storm]

I totally feel you on that. My mother has only just began to stop by my place but only if I have something new to offer (a new kitty, new decorating item) or she needs a favor (like taking her pictures) Otherwise, she never comes over and she lives 1 mile away.

My sister is the same. She lives 3 miles away, neither she or my neice ever come over. None of my other relatives have ever been over or have offered. My family also never invite me over and rarely invites me to do anything with them.

I expect that if I move out of state, none will visit either. Sucks ass, but that comes with having a non-close family. :googly: :sad:

[winneythepooh7]

My parents visit me every couple of months. They live about 2 1/2- 3 hours away. I think it's because they are getting older that it's difficult for them to make the drive, especially dealing with the NYC traffic they have to pass through. My sister, who is 24, never visits though. She lives by them as well. She had only been to my apartment once or twice when I lived in Queens. I think a lot of this is because she is wrapped up with her young and immature boyfriend. She doesn't do anything without him holding her hand.

[SmilesSoSweet]

My family has only visited me once in the 18 months I've lived out here. And it was a last minute trip. It was only supposed to be my sister who was flying in from Oregon. Then when my mom heard about it she convinced my dad to go and in order for them to go, they needed a couple of other drivers, so they asked my brother and his wife if they wanted to come along as well. The drive from CA to AZ is about six hours, so the four of them drove out while my sister flew.

The short weekend trip we were able to see the Grand Canyon (my dad's been wanting to see it since he first moved to the states in 1971!) and visit Sedona as well. It was nice to be around my family for those few days. Even for them all to be cramped in a one-bedroom apartment. My mom took over the kitchen and cooked.

I think it was easier for my family to visit me because it's a reasonable driving distance. I don't think they'll be visiting me any time soon. None of my friends or family will even darn to visit me in the middle of summer!

I have gone home a lot more than people coming out my way to visit me. It does suck at times, because when I'm home, it seems like everyone expects me to hang out with them in the two-three days I'm home and when I don't these people get all upset. But that's just how things are. They don't understand it.

When I lived jut 30 miles from my parents' house, they never visited me. We just weren't the family that does that. Over time we've become a much closer family after my sister moved to OR and I moved to AZ.

[wordsmith]

Unsurprisingly, my family is up one another's butt (it works, because it's reciprocal, and none of us is driven crazy by the others popping in, calling up randomly, etc.). So we're always popping in on one another. I randomly ended up going to a pumpkin farm and corn maze last weekend with my little brother and his wife...they just called up at random and were like, "We're like 3 blocks from your house, wanna come with?" Sure!

Even when I lived out of state, my parents made TONS of trips to visit (it was an 8 hour drive, so a pain, but no air fare issues to discourage.

[cache]

I have gone home a lot more than people coming out my way to visit me. It does suck at times, because when I'm home, it seems like everyone expects me to hang out with them in the two-three days I'm home and when I don't these people get all upset. But that's just how things are. They don't understand it.

Yeah, I know what you mean here. When I go to Ohio, it seems I have a busier schedule than my usual day. Everything has to be planned, and if someone can't make it at the scheduled time, it is usually "I guess I'll see you next time around, huh?"

[pisces2473]

My parents rarely just stop by unannounced...even though my dad works a 1/4 mile behind my house and my parents live about a mile away. I think they just want to respect my "adultness" and not intrude on anything. I just go over their house all of the time, I've done it even when they haven't been home. I eat a snack, do laundry, play with the dog, then leave.

[wordsmith]

My parents rarely stop by unannounced (respecting the adult child dynamic). But my siblings do.

[Winter Storm]

My parents rarely stop by unannounced (respecting the adult child dynamic). But my siblings do.

My mom dropped by unannounced for the first time 2 Sundays ago. It was noon (doesn't she know people sleep in?) and me and my guy were butt-ass naked, in the bed sleep.

I guess she'll have to learn on her own. :rolleyes:

[CTGirl]

My mom dropped by unannounced for the first time 2 Sundays ago. It was noon (doesn't she know people sleep in?) and me and my guy were butt-ass naked, in the bed sleep.

I guess she'll have to learn on her own. :rolleyes:

My mother has a terrible fear of things like this happening (not sure why, cuz it's never happened) so she never does anything unanounced.

[wordsmith]

My mom dropped by unannounced for the first time 2 Sundays ago. It was noon (doesn't she know people sleep in?) and me and my guy were butt-ass naked, in the bed sleep.

I guess she'll have to learn on her own. :rolleyes:

My dad did this. Oops.

[SmilesSoSweet]

If my mom actually knew how to drive, she'd probably would have visited me a whole lot when I lived much closer to them. In order for her to see me, she has to convince my dad to drive her. Haha

Fortunately I never had one of those moments like WinterStorm did. My mom used to call me early in the morning on the weekends and when I did have a bf, he would be there too. It was ackward, but my mom never knew why. LOL

[Winter Storm]

Well, my mom didn't actually walk in on anything or see anything, but soon as I let her in, I had to shut my bedroom door so she didn't see the man laid up in my bed or the disheveled state we usually leave the bedroom in ie. clothes thrown everywhere, condom wrappers on the floor and furniture slightly askew.

:cool: hee hee hee

[SmilesSoSweet]

Well, my mom didn't actually walk in on anything or see anything, but soon as I let her in, I had to shut my bedroom door so she didn't see the man laid up in my bed or the disheveled state we usually leave the bedroom in ie. clothes thrown everywhere, condom wrappers on the floor and furniture slightly askew.

:cool: hee hee hee

I'm so jealous!!! LOL

[pisces2473]

My parents rarely stop by unannounced (respecting the adult child dynamic). But my siblings do.
Yeah, my brother used to moreso than he does now. I think something dawned on him in regards to C staying over a lot. Which is good. I don't need to ruin him, hahahah.

Winter--did the guy wake up and come out of the room while she was there? That would have been BAAAAAD.

[wordsmith]

Well, my mom didn't actually walk in on anything or see anything, but soon as I let her in, I had to shut my bedroom door so she didn't see the man laid up in my bed or the disheveled state we usually leave the bedroom in ie. clothes thrown everywhere, condom wrappers on the floor and furniture slightly askew.

:cool: hee hee hee

Mine was me, groggy, staggering to the door at 8 a.m. on a Saturday, after having been out till about 3 a.m. and then up another two hours with the BF, to my dad standing on my porch, beating on my door, saying, "I'm buying a truck. I need you to drive me or ride with me and drive the new truck back. Come on, let's go." At which point I had to wake up the BF (whom my dad had not at that point met before), kick him out, and go.

[Winter Storm]

Winter--did the guy wake up and come out of the room while she was there? That would have been BAAAAAD.

Oh that would have been sooo funny. NOT! He pulled the comforter over his head so to camoflage himself. :0

[Winter Storm]

Mine was me, groggy, staggering to the door at 8 a.m. on a Saturday, after having been out till about 3 a.m. and then up another two hours with the BF, to my dad standing on my porch, beating on my door, saying, "I'm buying a truck. I need you to drive me or ride with me and drive the new truck back. Come on, let's go." At which point I had to wake up the BF (whom my dad had not at that point met before), kick him out, and go.

Wow. Sounds just as demanding as my mom. I too was groggy from being up til 6m but all my mom wanted was for me to take pics of her with my digital camera. Apparently, she was having such a good hair day, she had to capture the moment.

:p

[wordsmith]

When my dad's got a program/is on a mission, it's not presented as a choice. I figured, that being the case, he kinda deserved the embarrassment...show up at my house at 8 a.m. without warning, demanding things... :rolleyes:

[SmilesSoSweet]

LOL, those stories are just hilarious. My parents would both flip out if they ever came to visit me and a boy was over. They have yet to meet any of my bfs!

[CTGirl]

Mine was me, groggy, staggering to the door at 8 a.m. on a Saturday, after having been out till about 3 a.m. and then up another two hours with the BF, to my dad standing on my porch, beating on my door, saying, "I'm buying a truck. I need you to drive me or ride with me and drive the new truck back. Come on, let's go." At which point I had to wake up the BF (whom my dad had not at that point met before), kick him out, and go.

I woulda just gone and left the bf there sleeping

[LaFille]

when i didn't live home, my parents never came to visit, but i think it was more like they figured i needed my own private life and i didn't want them barging in.

[wordsmith]

I woulda just gone and left the bf there sleeping

Nah, It was a three-hour drive to buy a work truck from a private seller.

[cache]

When I lived near my parents, my mom was consciously aware of her presence, and would always make planned visits, so I had at least 48 hours notice.

My brother was a different story, but I would just ignore anyone at the door if need be.