Unethical Family Stuff

[Winter Storm]

Tell me I'm not the only one with family members who do things like this.

So my neice is a senior in high school and my sister is determined to get her into a good college and get her as many scholarships as she can. My sister forwards me a rough draft of an essay she is sending to the University of Baltimore for me to review. Right away, I can tell she wrote the whole thing and is making my neice to sound optimistic, enthusiastic and thirsting for academic college life, all qualities she obviously isn't.

So I send it back with grammatical corrections and tell her to input examples of why she'd be an asset and why she wants to enter the field of HR (which my neice doesn't, my sister is just trying to get her in to this free tuition program). She then emails back, she wants me to add things. I say what do you want me to do, pretend she has this sparkling personality and make stuff up?

Yes, that is exactly what she wants. Make stuff up to make it sound better.

*headdesk*

My neice doesn't even want to go to this school or major in HR. But my sister (who has learned from our mother) is steadfast is cutting whatever corners she can to get ahead, in her little mind. Not at all surprised, she is truely my mother's child.

Tell me I'm not the only one.

[pisces2473]

My aunt is the same way with my cousin. Thankfully, my aunt's not a blood relative, haha.

If you really want to help your niece, DON'T do any of the grammatical changes or editing for your sister. Stay out of it. Can you take your niece aside and say "Do what you want! I'll help you if you want it." We (my blood aunts, my mom and I) did this with my cousin. And I helped her with her essay for the school she wanted to go to and the major she wanted to take.

[Winter Storm]

If you really want to help your niece, DON'T do any of the grammatical changes or editing for your sister. Stay out of it. Can you take your niece aside and say "Do what you want! I'll help you if you want it." We (my blood aunts, my mom and I) did this with my cousin. And I helped her with her essay for the school she wanted to go to and the major she wanted to take.

Yes, that is definitely something I can do. My sister is just trying to get her as much free tuition as she can even if that means going to a different school and faking it for awhile. I may do just that. I just hate when family members, ones who are suppose to be setting an example, do shit like this. My sister is 43 years old and the director of HR at her job. You can't cheat your way through life. Sheesh! :frustrate

[pisces2473]

Hahahahaha, are my aunt and your sister related? Seriously, this stuff sounds just like her.

She thinks that b/c my cousin is going to school in Boston, that she's gonna meet some rich dr. RIIIIIIGHT.

What does your niece think of her mom's "tactics"? My cousin HATES when her mom pulls this crap and my uncle (the blood relative) tries to tell his wife to knock it off, to listen to my cousin and what SHE wants. He even asked me to talk to my cousin about getting what SHE wants--and my mom and her sisters (my uncle's their brother) did the same thing. My mom even bought my aunt a book about letting go in the college years. She is so nutsy that she went out and bought all of the stuff my cousin would need for college BEFORE she even found out she was accepted anywhere. Um, kids, esp. girls, want to pick out their OWN STUFF.

[weary]

oh, HELL TO THE NAW! ain't no way i'd condone doing this much less participate in it! and she's the DIRECTOR OF HR? how incredibly ironic.

don't help her at all and if you feel comfortable, reach out to your neice and help her do something RIGHT, and that interests HER.

i have a cousin who's parent is so incredibly controlling that she doesn't EVER want to go home again. do you hear me? EVER? she's a freshman in college and has already lined up places to go for thanksgiving christmas and spring break this year. she's aiming for all 4 years but i don't know how the hell she'll get away with that. plus she hates her school but was given the choice of "go there, or don't go to college b/c i'm not paying for you to go anywhere else." what kind of shithead parent DOES THAT? i told her if she ever wants to xfer to a school in this area she's got free housing in my home. and i mean it. sheesh...

[shimma]

Tell me I'm not the only one with family members who do things like this.

So my neice is a senior in high school and my sister is determined to get her into a good college and get her as many scholarships as she can. My sister forwards me a rough draft of an essay she is sending to the University of Baltimore for me to review. Right away, I can tell she wrote the whole thing and is making my neice to sound optimistic, enthusiastic and thirsting for academic college life, all qualities she obviously isn't.

So I send it back with grammatical corrections and tell her to input examples of why she'd be an asset and why she wants to enter the field of HR (which my neice doesn't, my sister is just trying to get her in to this free tuition program). She then emails back, she wants me to add things. I say what do you want me to do, pretend she has this sparkling personality and make stuff up?

Yes, that is exactly what she wants. Make stuff up to make it sound better.

*headdesk*

My neice doesn't even want to go to this school or major in HR. But my sister (who has learned from our mother) is steadfast is cutting whatever corners she can to get ahead, in her little mind. Not at all surprised, she is truely my mother's child.

Tell me I'm not the only one.

Winter, lying sucks, don't get me wrong, and if you don't feel comfortable going along with this, I would suggest you not. I'm suprised that if your sis is an HR bigshot, she doesn't know what to say herself.

Correct me if I'm wrong, isn't your sister a single mom? College tuition is not cheap, even your state's state school is superexpensive and in an expensive area (not to say it isn't top-notch cause it is, but UMD is a lot of money). I can't say I necessarily blame her for wanting your neice to get all the scholarships she can.

Also - not saying this is 100% right either but I can understand your sister's thought process - I think some parents want to make sure their child will be "taken care of", ie learn a marketable skill so that she can get a job and not have crippling loans after she graduates. I mean, no, I'm sure that at age 17, your neice isn't thinking of careers or loans, but she may be glad that her mom pushed her towards a business major in a few years. My mom did that to me, and I am grateful.

[Winter Storm]

Winter, lying sucks, don't get me wrong, and if you don't feel comfortable going along with this, I would suggest you not. I'm suprised that if your sis is an HR bigshot, she doesn't know what to say herself.

Correct me if I'm wrong, isn't your sister a single mom? College tuition is not cheap, even your state's state school is superexpensive and in an expensive area (not to say it isn't top-notch cause it is, but UMD is a lot of money). I can't say I necessarily blame her for wanting your neice to get all the scholarships she can.

Also - not saying this is 100% right either but I can understand your sister's thought process - I think some parents want to make sure their child will be "taken care of", ie learn a marketable skill so that she can get a job and not have crippling loans after she graduates. I mean, no, I'm sure that at age 17, your neice isn't thinking of careers or loans, but she may be glad that her mom pushed her towards a business major in a few years. My mom did that to me, and I am grateful.

Yeah she is a single mom and I'm glad she is taking such an interest in my neice's education. That is more than I ever got frommy parents. I just hate seeing her stoop to these measures to get ahead. My neice is smart enough to know that she will have to take out loans at some point so she doesn't feel the need to do all this. I will talk to her however and she what she wants to do and help her with that. But I feel like if my neice got into this program, she would be taking the opportunity away from someone that actually wants to be there and in that major.

Plus I had to write all my essays and papers growing up. Nobody wrote shit for me! :frustrate

[weary]

you all know i am a single mom. and i am going to do everything in my power to get my kid on the road to college. but that - to me - means PSAT and SAT prep, tutors and/or extra writing classes if need be, riding his ass about HW and schoolwork, being the squeaky wheel with his teachers so he gets the oil so to speak, etc.

and you know what? that may not be enough. my kid sucks at writing. he'll read all day but writing is not his thing. he's gotten much better, but it's still a struggle to get a paper done if it has to be more than 2 pages, TYPED AND DOUBLE-SPACED. don't get me started on hand-written. but that's o-k. if he has to go to a JC/CC first and transfer...fine. if he doesn't get into his first choice or a higher ranked univ - fine. what's important to me is that he wants to go and is working towards that goal. i don't think i would ever resort to writing entrance essays for him. when he gets there he's gonna have to make it on his own. might as well start the transition in a way that allows him to see the reality of what the situation is.

[wordsmith]

Correct me if I'm wrong, isn't your sister a single mom? College tuition is not cheap, even your state's state school is superexpensive and in an expensive area (not to say it isn't top-notch cause it is, but UMD is a lot of money). I can't say I necessarily blame her for wanting your neice to get all the scholarships she can.

It's so wrong for it not to be gone about the right way, though, even so. Esp. if Winter's neice isn't even interested in going there or pursuing that line of study. That money could and should go to a kid who is, and it's not right for the mom to manipulate.

Also - not saying this is 100% right either but I can understand your sister's thought process - I think some parents want to make sure their child will be "taken care of", ie learn a marketable skill so that she can get a job and not have crippling loans after she graduates. I mean, no, I'm sure that at age 17, your neice isn't thinking of careers or loans, but she may be glad that her mom pushed her towards a business major in a few years. My mom did that to me, and I am grateful.

I don't agree with this at all (although I hear you on most parents wanting to make sure their child is taken care of). I would have been so very angry had my parents dissuaded me from my post-secondary plans and steered me to something other than what I wanted. I think that's wrong.

[coll214]

Ha, sadly i directly relate all too well. If i'd given my mother the chance, she easily would have written my essays for me to how she thinks they should have gone. Not to mention the guilt trip I got and succumbed to for the college I went to. Last time I did that!! And now she wonders why my sister just takes over everything at work. LOL.

Dad OTOH has asked me to do worse than that... let's just say forge something he needed signed to show someone :googly:. It's a wonder I have any ethics at all!!!

[pisces2473]

Dad OTOH has asked me to do worse than that... let's just say forge something he needed signed to show someone :googly:. It's a wonder I have any ethics at all!!!
Hahahahahaha, I remember that, "your Honor."

[jrwilheim]

Tell me I'm not the only one with family members who do things like this.

So my neice is a senior in high school and my sister is determined to get her into a good college and get her as many scholarships as she can. My sister forwards me a rough draft of an essay she is sending to the University of Baltimore for me to review. Right away, I can tell she wrote the whole thing and is making my neice to sound optimistic, enthusiastic and thirsting for academic college life, all qualities she obviously isn't.

So I send it back with grammatical corrections and tell her to input examples of why she'd be an asset and why she wants to enter the field of HR (which my neice doesn't, my sister is just trying to get her in to this free tuition program). She then emails back, she wants me to add things. I say what do you want me to do, pretend she has this sparkling personality and make stuff up?

Yes, that is exactly what she wants. Make stuff up to make it sound better.

*headdesk*

My neice doesn't even want to go to this school or major in HR. But my sister (who has learned from our mother) is steadfast is cutting whatever corners she can to get ahead, in her little mind. Not at all surprised, she is truely my mother's child.

Tell me I'm not the only one.

Why don't you wash your hands of the whole thing?

[Winter Storm]

Why don't you wash your hands of the whole thing?

Oh I haven't even reponsed to her email from Friday. Forgot all about it, really. :rolleyes: