Sister issues

[HollyM]

Hello,
Just wondering if anyone has any advice with this one. I'm the eldest of my sisters by just over 2 years and my younger sisters are twins. I get on with one of my sisters pretty well, we have a good laugh together and enjoy each other's company but my other sister just seems to wind me up. To give a bit of background they both seem to excel at whatever they do and when I was younger some family members told me that they preferred one of them over me. This and other pressures resulted in me getting depression and anorexia in my teens. I've come out of that now and on the whole feel much better about myself but as soon as I am with this sister in a family setting I automatically feel wound up and bad about myself. I think it's probably because people revert to their role in the family and I don't like my role! The difference between her and my other sister is that she doesn't show any interest in my life, is quite bossy and has no hesitation in telling me what she thinks I should do in a whole variety of situations. Has anyone had this situation and been able to resolve it or is it better to just avoid her in the future!

[winneythepooh7]

Not the same issues, but there are 7 years difference between my younger sister and I. We are total opposites in everything from our views about life to work to day to day schedules and choice of guys, etc. It can be difficult and she really pisses me off sometimes. It doesn't help that we live several hours apart and rarely see each other.

[SmilesSoSweet]

My sister and I are three years apart. She is older. When I was a Freshman in high school, she was a Senior and she attempted to be really controlling and bossy over me. I hated it. Fortunately I didn't rebel too much. She was like a second mother that I never asked for. At that time I had an okay relationship with my mom as well.

Instead of going to my sister for advance I would turn to friends and cousins and never tell my sister anything. This went on for many years even throughout college and years after it.

Well, it literally took for her to move to another state (I was still living in our home state at the time and she moved to another) when we actually became closer. (Distance makes the heart grow fonder?) I went up to visit her for a long weekend and we hung out and talked about EVERYTHING. It was nice, different and a good thing. It took many, many years to get to that type of relationship with her though.

I now live in AZ and she's still in OR. We see each other maybe 3-4 times a year now but we talk on the phone on a weekly basis. I still might tell one of my cousins (who is also like another sister) about things going on in my life first, but I'll eventually tell my sister and she's cool about whatever I do.

I think another thing was that we were so close in age. We also have a brother inbetween us and we all went through out teenage years at the same time (I don't think my parents planned that too well! LOL). So yeah, things were rough then, but over time it has gotten much better. I do like the relationship I have with my sister now. I think we both matured since.

[Orca]

I am 2.5 years older than my sister and she is younger, prettier, thinner and everything that I am not. I hate introducing my friends to her (or even allowing them to see a photo of her, such as when we've been on holiday), because then they said things like "I can't believe you're related!" which doesn't exactly make me feel great.

My sister lives in France now and for the first time we get on ok, over the phone, via email and when I go to visit, because we live hundreds of miles apart.

It still hurts that basically my family think I'm a big failure. I mean I have a PhD and a real job, unlike beach bum sis. But she is seen as "finding herself" whereas people view me as a waster for ever taking a single day off. I think the only thing I'm better at than her is that I am MUCH more hard working, but people interpret that as I'm just very boring. My sister has a BA but from a much less prestigious university and a lower grade than me (me in science, she in arts). However, my parents see my sister as being "creative" and having lots of talents, so since I'm such a waste of space of course I have to go to a better college and work harder because I am already so far behind normal human beings in all things.

[HollyM]

Yes, I know what you mean Orca. Both my sisters are much better looking than me, my mum actually said to me a few years ago that I just couldn't compete with them on looks. One annoying thing is when we go out with some guys in town they're all over them and they can't even be bothered to say hello to me. This annoyed me quite a lot until I realised how shallow most of them were and how I wouldn't want to date them anyway even if they were interested. I'm fast coming to the conclusion that the only way to stop feeling bad about myself in the family is to get away from my sister so when we do have to meet up at family gatherings it's not too frequent! As for members of family preferring them they do say that favouritisms tend to stay so I guess I'll have to be less of a perfectionist and give up on certain relatives.

[Krishna]

My sister is 2 years younger than me, and we've constantly been at odds our whole life. I dont know if I dropped her when she was a baby or what. She constantly felt that I was the favorite, so she blamed me for a lot. In reality, she's a gifted girl- she did better than me academically, which is a feat since I maintained roughly an A- average in HS, and is accomplished in many other areas.

I think she often judges me for my decisions in life- i.e. not attending grad school right now, and not moving across the country to take a job, since I'd have to leave my boyfriend behind. She's driven, motivated, bright, and completely opposite of me in 90% of her viewpoints. I find it best to stay away from shakey ground (relationships, career goals, etc) and focus on neutral topics.

[coll214]

Honestly i get along great (most of the time) with my younger sister of two years now. We better, we own a condo together! But somehow she ended being the overly bossy, control freak, and i'm a wee bit more laid-back- which isn't usually the case w/ younger siblings. Though she took my mistakes growing up as oh ok, I shouldn't do what Coll did :googly: and excelled. In my family, i'm generally the punching bag and i've learned to just come back as sarcastic as ever and never let them know it bothers me.