Decent Guys

[veniqe]

Where are all the decent guys? Really.My neighbour is a real cutey and he invited me over for drinks on his balcony. I was ecstatic! Until I found out that he smokes dope/weed/tweed/ganja as well as mushrooms.

I've done dope before. wice and conceded it's just not for me. God, that sounds lame! Some or actually most of my friends do it. I just don't want to date anyone who thinks it's fun to be stoned! Is that too much to ask?

[wordsmith]

Judging from a recent weed thread, you're probably gonna get jumped on for implying that people who smoke aren't decent.

But I think I know what you mean. I don't smoke, never have, and while I wouldn't go so far as to say that none of the people I know who are into it aren't perfectly decent people...I learned from experience that basically, our interests don't match. And that matters. I'm sure there are recreational users who are interested only peripherally in their drug of choice, but most of who I've known, it's more than a peripheral interest. And it's just hard to be around people who are really into something that you're basically uninterested in being involved in.

It's not too much to ask that people you date be into similar things. You're not into weed...you may not be compatible with somebody who really is. And honestly, before we get into the "but you're ruling out cool people just because of this one thing," argument, seriously...people rule other people out over far more trivial things, all the time.

[Nelzie]

It seems like every guy I meet lately does some form of drugs. I don't do any of that, so it kind of makes me kind of uncomfortable. However, I have several close friends who smoke weed, and one who does a lot more than that, so I try not to judge people based soley on that. I do know that I am not comfortable dating someone who does that, just as I am uncomfortable dating someone who smokes cigarettes. However, I also believe you can't help who you fall in love with, as my most recent ex did both weed and cigarettes. I will not rule someone out for that one thing. I am willing to give almost anyone a chance, and I would hope people would do the same for me. Shockingly, the guy I am sort of seeing now does not smoke or do drugs of any kind, practically the first guy I ever have been with who doesn't.

[veniqe]

I should perhaps read that thread and see what the rest have to say!

It's such a pity. I just recently overcame my fear of dating shorter guys. *Pats herself on the back*. And I suppose I can date someone who smokes on the really, really odd occasion. But he doesn't fall into that "category".

[weary]

really nelzie? i will rule someone out (at least dating-wise) if they are a smoker. it's just not for me. i don't want to taste that shit when i kiss you and the smell in clothes/car/home/etc is just...ick. once in a very blue moon, i may be able to take. but a regular smoker - nope - automatic disqualification.

[Nelzie]

really nelzie? i will rule someone out (at least dating-wise) if they are a smoker. it's just not for me. i don't want to taste that shit when i kiss you and the smell in clothes/car/home/etc is just...ick. once in a very blue moon, i may be able to take. but a regular smoker - nope - automatic disqualification.

I told myself when I split up with my last ex that I would never date a smoker again, and I haven't actually, but just about everyone I meet nowdays is a smoker. My dad smoked, so I grew up with it, and now that I am living without it for the first time, yes it really does bother me more. But I wouldn't completely rule someone out over it for dating. We all have our vices. I know I have my bad traits, granted most of them don't harm others. A serious relationship leading to marriage would be another instance, because I want kids and I am not willing to subject my someday children to that. I guess I am torn over the issue, because I have always said I would never be involved with someone who smoked due to my dad smoking, but yet I married (and divorced) a smoker. Like I said, I truely believe you can't help who you fall in love with.

[wordsmith]

If it was a great guy for me, I probably wouldn't rule him out if he smoked. But I would really, really hate it. A guy I'm not that crazy about, the smoking would seal the deal on "nexting" him. But if it's somebody you're otherwise very interested in, eh, you'd be surprised the exceptions you might make that you didn't think you would.

[Nelzie]

If it was a great guy for me, I probably wouldn't rule him out if he smoked. But I would really, really hate it. A guy I'm not that crazy about, the smoking would seal the deal on "nexting" him. But if it's somebody you're otherwise very interested in, eh, you'd be surprised the exceptions you might make that you didn't think you would.

Exactly. I was suprised at the exceptions I was willing to make because I was so in love with my ex. However, that can be dangerous too, as it turned out in my case. Now I have to be more careful.

[old_school_soul]

I'm not sure how you correlate "decency" with drug use. Was he blowing smoke in your face? Did he sneak mushrooms in your tea? Moral judgements on drug use alone is stupid. It's all the shit people do when they are high, or all the shit they do to get high is how you should judge them.

[SmilesSoSweet]

I can't date a smoker and to me that's a big deal breaker. I've posted ads on match and on it I make it clear that I don't want to date anyone that does any drugs or smokes anything. No exceptions either.

I don't want it a part of me. I did date one person a few years ago who smoked, but didn't smoke when he was around me. Well every time I'd visit him, his place would smell like smoke and he would still smell like smoke. I couldn't stand it.

And I'm not saying that guys who smoke are bad people, I just don't want the second hand smoke around me and to me smoking is just a turn-off.

[old_school_soul]

Umm.. the OP was talking about smoking herb and mushrooms.. not about cigarrettes.

OP,

what's the frequency in which he uses them? Was he high when you were there?

[SmilesSoSweet]

Umm.. the OP was talking about smoking herb and mushrooms.. not about cigarrettes.

OP,

what's the frequency in which he uses them? Was he high when you were there?

I still won't date anyone that smokes weed or anything else. To me it's all the same.

[LaFille]

i've gone through stages in my own life where i've smoked weed occasionally, so i know that it's possible and therefore would not rule out anyone who did it. i know lots of great guys who do and yeah, some of them are burned out cases i would never picture dating them, but most of them are normal, functioning members of society. i see marijuana as relatively harmless. really, excessive alcohol abuse can lead to more damaging behavior. what are you going to do if you smoke too much... smile too widely? giggle at too many of your own thoughts? come up with too many philosophical wonders?

now i might sound hypocrytical saying this, but when it comes to 'harder' drugs, there's no chance that i would date a user. i'm neutral on cigarette smoking, as long as it's not in my face or anything.

[mishl982]

Hmm if you want a "decent" guy who doesn't smoke, find a guy with a security clearance :huge:

[CTGirl]

I'm not really sure what smoking weed has to do with being a "decent guy" but I agree with what most people here have said with regard to dating someone who smokes anything - as long as he only does it occasionally, and not around me, I don't see it as that big a deal. One of the guys I'm kinda seeing right now smokes when he's at a bar drinking, and so that doesn't bother me a whole lot - unless he comes to see me afterward and stinks from it.

Any major substance abuse (cigarettes, weed, alcohol, etc) is a turnoff for me though.

[meatwad]

I don't care if it's weed, cigarettes, crack or salmon. If she smokes, it's a big turnoff for me.

[veniqe]

True, decent doesn't mean "someone who doesn't smoke dope". My apologies if I offended anyone. *Smiles ever so sweetly*

Smokers I can deal with. But I'd prefer dating a non-smoker. And someone who drinks in moderation.

And yes, he WAS really stoned when I arrived for drinks. I backed away at first when he tried to kiss me. The conversation was quite forced as well.

[wordsmith]

Moral judgements on drug use alone is stupid.

Oh, but seriously, everybody judges, and it's rarely fair or justifiable, but that's the way it goes, no? Moral judgment on vices/habits is no better or worse than superficial judgment on appearances, for instance, and absolutely just as arbitrary. It all comes down to preferences, though, right? "I don't like what you do, so I don't have interest in dating you based on that and that alone," or I don't like what you look like, so I don't have interest in dating you based on that and that alone." Either way, you're making a judgment on an small part of who a person is and writing them off with regardless of other characteristics. Dealbreakers are dealbreakers, and they're pretty much arbitrary by nature.

[Nelzie]

While smoking of all kinds turns me off, as a health care professional I am not willing to write those people off because I want to 'help them' quit. (I know this probably sounds awful, you shouldn't try to change people.) Of course, I have learned that this rarely works and people are only going to quit if they want to. I just hate to see people destroy their bodies. Of course, I work on a pulmonary floor, so this greatly affects my opinion of smoking based on the awful things I see daily. I am terrified for my dad, as I know his chances of developing something severe are great. We have gotten a lot of people on my floor lately with alcoholic liver disease too, it is sad the abuse people put their bodies through

[veniqe]

Smoking doesn't make one paranoid. Or so forgetful that you can't remember what you were saying just two minutes ago. Sure, it's bad and all but it's just not the same.

Weed's supposed to be natural (not sure if inverted commas are warranted) but I'd rather date an occasional smoker than someone who does weed.

[wordsmith]

Meh, then you get into the rhetoric that if it's natural, there's no way it could possibly be bad for you.

[SunDevil]

Hmm if you want a "decent" guy who doesn't smoke, find a guy with a security clearance :huge:

:huge:

If the government can trust me, then I must be a good guy.

[weary]

well, my previous comments were mostly regarding cigarette smoking. but i feel mostly the same about weed smoking and definitely about any other [illegal] drugs. i absolutely judge people who think it's o-k to take part in illegal activity regularly, simply for 'fun'. i would probably bend on that for medicinal marijuana, but not much else.

there was a time in my life i thought and acted differently regarding these issues, and i feel like i didn't have the best judgement, scruples, etc back then. that's just me.

[WorkInProgress]

Hmm if you want a "decent" guy who doesn't smoke, find a guy with a security clearance :huge:
You'd think. Generally, though, I think that's a decent idea.

[veniqe]

Meh, then you get into the rhetoric that if it's natural, there's no way it could possibly be bad for you.

Yeah. I used to fall for that argument WAY back. Not any more, I don't.

[SmilesSoSweet]

From someone who has never smoked anything or done any illegal drugs, I still will not date anyone who thinks that it's okay to even do it occasionally.

Now if someone tried it once or twice back in college or high school but has never done it since, okay, that's something I won't rule out.

I really just don't find it at all attractive to date someone that smokes anything or does any drugs.

I just don't find older guys (late 20s/early 30s) who smoke weed attractive. I'm almost 28 and really, I just don't want to bother to date a guy around my age that continues to smoke weed or do any other drugs.

[weary]

Hmm if you want a "decent" guy who doesn't smoke, find a guy with a security clearance :huge:

i used to work for a government contracting co where these were required and i can tell you that about 70% of the guys there smoked pot. they used some cleanse tea or something and passed their drug screens to get hired, and went right back to smoking. yeah.

[LaFille]

I don't care if it's weed, cigarettes, crack or salmon. If she smokes, it's a big turnoff for me.

ha ha ha, but salmon is natural! :huge:

[wordsmith]

well, my previous comments were mostly regarding cigarette smoking. but i feel mostly the same about weed smoking and definitely about any other [illegal] drugs. i absolutely judge people who think it's o-k to take part in illegal activity regularly, simply for 'fun'. i would probably bend on that for medicinal marijuana, but not much else.

there was a time in my life i thought and acted differently regarding these issues, and i feel like i didn't have the best judgement, scruples, etc back then. that's just me.

This is actually pretty similar to how I feel. Although I was always totally straightlaced, there was a time when I wasn't as discerning about who I surrounded myself with, those days are long over.

Also, to piggyback on what Wilma said, I really do equate weed fixation on dumb, over-it college stuff. I didn't do it in college, either, but I was more tolerant of it then than I am now. I briefly dated a guy who was in his midthirties and still stuck in frat house mentality, "let's get stoned all the time" mode, and it was, well, unbecoming and tiresome. I'm sure that will piss people off, but oh, well.

[wordsmith]

ha ha ha, but salmon is natural! :huge:

If it's natural, it's good for you!!!

[WorkInProgress]

i used to work for a government contracting co where these were required and i can tell you that about 70% of the guys there smoked pot. they used some cleanse tea or something and passed their drug screens to get hired, and went right back to smoking. yeah.

And that's why there are random tests.

[veniqe]

I just don't find older guys (late 20s/early 30s) who smoke weed attractive. I'm almost 28 and really, I just don't want to bother to date a guy around my age that continues to smoke weed or do any other drugs.

My thoughts exactly. The guy I'm complaining about, is 31!!! The worst bit is that he's a personal trainer and fit as hell. But, before he takes a run in the morning, he has a joint.

[WorkInProgress]

If it's natural, it's good for you!!!

Yep. Just like hemlock.

[weary]

And that's why there are random tests.

yeah, this co was too stupid to do those. they just wanted to fill the jobs and get going on the contracts as quickly as possible. they even let the few people who didn't pass the first time, retest up to TWO MORE TIMES. dumbasses. i didn't last there long...they were just too stupid and crooked.

[WorkInProgress]

yeah, this co was too stupid to do those. they just wanted to fill the jobs and get going on the contracts as quickly as possible. they even let the few people who didn't pass the first time, retest up to TWO MORE TIMES. dumbasses. i didn't last there long...they were just too stupid and crooked.

Wow. That's company policy?

[veniqe]

Yep. Just like hemlock.

Oh that's cool! Gimme some, it can only be good for my body :googly:

[weary]

Wow. That's company policy?

yup. up to 3 attempts @ passing the drug screen to get hired and no random testing after that. when i came on board (HR capacity), i tried to change that to 1 attempt and add randoms, but go shot down. i tried again, offering 2 attemps for special circumstances and still randoms - no dice. they were just a mess.

[old_school_soul]

Oh, but seriously, everybody judges, and it's rarely fair or justifiable, but that's the way it goes, no? Moral judgment on vices/habits is no better or worse than superficial judgment on appearances, for instance, and absolutely just as arbitrary. It all comes down to preferences, though, right? "I don't like what you do, so I don't have interest in dating you based on that and that alone," or I don't like what you look like, so I don't have interest in dating you based on that and that alone." Either way, you're making a judgment on an small part of who a person is and writing them off with regardless of other characteristics. Dealbreakers are dealbreakers, and they're pretty much arbitrary by nature.

Actually moral judgements on someone based on something they do is worse than superficial judgements based on how someone looks.

For example: "He smokes weed. He's a criminal, thug, lazy, stupid."

compared to:

"She's fat, she eats too much".

One comment has a whole helluva lot more judging and classifying than the other.

Now that the fact dude is hellah stoned when you walked in is dumb on his part.

And I'm sure everyone on here who is so down on drugs because they are illegal, wouldn't be drinking in the 1920s, or dating anyone who was because it was illegal.

[cache]

Agree with most people here: the older I get, the more it bothers me.

Maybe not so much the actual smoking of anything, but the health implications, and with cigarette smokers I get annoyed when I am out with them and have to hang around in some designated smoking area, or go elsewhere by myself until they finish.

[weary]

Actually moral judgements on someone based on something they do is worse than superficial judgements based on how someone looks.
For example: "He smokes weed. He's a criminal, thug, lazy, stupid."

compared to:

"She's fat, she eats too much".

One comment has a whole helluva lot more judging and classifying than the other.

Now that the fact dude is hellah stoned when you walked in is dumb on his part.

And I'm sure everyone on here who is so down on drugs because they are illegal, wouldn't be drinking in the 1920s, or dating anyone who was because it was illegal.

how can you really think that one kind of judgement is worse than the other? because of what's being assumed? criminal vs. overeating? assuming is assuming and we all know what is said about that. i don't think one is worse than the other.

[WorkInProgress]

yup. up to 3 attempts @ passing the drug screen to get hired and no random testing after that. when i came on board (HR capacity), i tried to change that to 1 attempt and add randoms, but go shot down. i tried again, offering 2 attemps for special circumstances and still randoms - no dice. they were just a mess.

My company has a 2 and then random policy, giving the benefit of the doubt for a first positive, since it is possible to have a false positive. That second one, though, must be negative. The company is also pretty clear about the requirement, too, so people really don't have the "I didn't know" excuse.

[LaFille]

Actually moral judgements on someone based on something they do is worse than superficial judgements based on how someone looks.

For example: "He smokes weed. He's a criminal, thug, lazy, stupid."

compared to:

"She's fat, she eats too much".

One comment has a whole helluva lot more judging and classifying than the other.


i don't think that argument works. you could tailor those analogies either way. how about:

'he uses drugs. he doesn't care about his health.'

compared to:

'he's got a huge nose. his genes must totally suck.'

which one's more judgemental now?

[old_school_soul]

i don't think that argument works. you could tailor those analogies either way. how about:

'he uses drugs. he doesn't care about his health.'

compared to:

'he's got a huge nose. his genes must totally suck.'

which one's more judgemental now?

Touche. Good point.

I guess I wouldn't date someone who downloads MP3's from LimeWire because it's illegal, or goes over the speed limit, or sneaks into movies.

I guess everyone else agrees?

[veniqe]

Actually moral judgements on someone based on something they do is worse than superficial judgements based on how someone looks.

For example: "He smokes weed. He's a criminal, thug, lazy, stupid."

compared to:

"She's fat, she eats too much".

One comment has a whole helluva lot more judging and classifying than the other.

Now that the fact dude is hellah stoned when you walked in is dumb on his part.

And I'm sure everyone on here who is so down on drugs because they are illegal, wouldn't be drinking in the 1920s, or dating anyone who was because it was illegal.

Why is it worse to make a moral judgement as opposed to making a "superficial" one? I'd say it's probably equally wrong, yet people make it every day.

And I highly doubt that anyone on here said dope users are criminals. We were just venting at how it's impossible to have a lucid conversation with someone in that state.

[WorkInProgress]

Actually moral judgements on someone based on something they do is worse than superficial judgements based on how someone looks.

For example: "He smokes weed. He's a criminal, thug, lazy, stupid."

Well, see, the thing is, since it is a crime (rightly or wrongly, which I'm not gonna debate), it does actually make the people who do it (buy it, sell it, etc.) criminals. By definition. The rest you can say is stereotype, prejudice, etc., but not that.

[weary]

My company has a 2 and then random policy, giving the benefit of the doubt for a first positive, since it is possible to have a false positive. That second one, though, must be negative. The company is also pretty clear about the requirement, too, so people really don't have the "I didn't know" excuse.

yeah, i could understand that kind of policy. especially b/c there are occasional false positives/errors (though rare) and also instances where medication can show up in a category that raises a flag. but this place i was at just didn't go by the books or logical practices on a lot of stuff. they did some shady FMLA stuff too. liabilities all over the place. i'm so glad i'm not there anymore.

[WorkInProgress]

And I highly doubt that anyone on here said dope users are criminals.
Well, I just did. But not as a pejorative. Just a technical point.

[LaFille]

Touche. Good point.

I guess I wouldn't date someone who downloads MP3's from LimeWire because it's illegal, or goes over the speed limit, or sneaks into movies.

I guess everyone else agrees?

well, thanks :huge:

i never said i wouldn't date someone who smokes weed. but if i did make that decision, i don't think it would necessarily have to do with the illegality of it...

[wordsmith]

Actually moral judgements on someone based on something they do is worse than superficial judgements based on how someone looks.

For example: "He smokes weed. He's a criminal, thug, lazy, stupid."

compared to:

"She's fat, she eats too much".

One comment has a whole helluva lot more judging and classifying than the other.

THAT comment does. But I didn't make ANY of those comments. And you could come up with comments that make dogging the one just as judgmental and classifying as dogging the other, just as easily. It doesn't change the fact that in either case, you're pigeonholing somebody, fairly or not fairly, based solely on one limited aspect of who they are rather than the overall picture, which was my point.

[weary]

Touche. Good point.

I guess I wouldn't date someone who downloads MP3's from LimeWire because it's illegal, or goes over the speed limit, or sneaks into movies.

I guess everyone else agrees?

i don't know about lime wire or how that works, but i probably wouldn't date someone who went around sneaking into movies or speeding on a regular basis, intentionally. doing illegal drugs usually requires intent, including purchasing or growing them, prep, and of course getting high. i doubt most people who go over the speed limit get into their car with the intention of going 90 in a 55.

[meatwad]

I don't care if it makes sense to anyone else. They're not me. If I don't want to go out with someone because they do something I don't like, that's my decision.

[wordsmith]

And I doubt that myself or anyone else here, think dope users are criminals. You said it, we didn't.

Well, actually, though, they ARE criminals, whether we think it should be a criminal act or not. I mean, sorry, but that's fact.

I'm not convinced that smoking weed ought to be anymore a criminal activity than countless legal substances. But the fact is, it is. So, yeah, people who smoke weed ARE, in fact, criminals. So am I when I speed. Or neglect to wear my seatbelt. So, yeah, the judgment on my part is not because they're doing something deemed illegal. I don't really care about that. What I care about is that it's not my scene and it annoys me.

[veniqe]

Well, I download..a lot. And I got flack for it by a guy I was dating very briefly. So, of course we weren't compatible. As Wordsmith said, some things are deal breakers.

[old_school_soul]

doing illegal drugs usually requires intent, including purchasing or growing them, prep, and of course getting high. i doubt most people who go over the speed limit get into their car with the intention of going 90 in a 55.

Who are you hurting other than yourself if you grow your own weed and smoke it? Why should it be illegal?


And you be suprised the people who speed. Not only do they endanger themselves, but lots of other people on the road, yet it is more tolerated and accepted than marijuana use.

[SmilesSoSweet]

I don't care if it makes sense to anyone else. They're not me. If I don't want to go out with someone because they do something I don't like, that's my decision.

This makes complete sense to me. And I completely agree.

[wordsmith]

how can you really think that one kind of judgement is worse than the other? because of what's being assumed? criminal vs. overeating? assuming is assuming and we all know what is said about that. i don't think one is worse than the other.

Exactly, I agree...and isn't assigning value to what's the "worse" judgment in and of itself in a moral judgment? And pretty subjective, at that?

[old_school_soul]

Well, I download..a lot. And I got flack for it by a guy I was dating very briefly. So, of course we weren't compatible. As Wordsmith said, some things are deal breakers.


Wow. What a stickler. Amazing.

[old_school_soul]

Exactly, I agree...and isn't assigning value to what's the "worse" judgment in and of itself in a moral judgment? And pretty subjective, at that?

For fucks sake I already told La Fille she had a point. Shall we continue on this still?

[wordsmith]

And you be suprised the people who speed. Not only do they endanger themselves, but lots of other people on the road, yet it is more tolerated and accepted than marijuana use.

For the record, I just went through this week's police reports, and there are WAY more speeding citations than marijuana arrests.

I'm just saying.

[wordsmith]

For fucks sake I already told La Fille she had a point. Shall we continue on this still?

Hi, what's up, cross post? :rolleyes:

[old_school_soul]

For the record, I just went through this week's police reports, and there are WAY more speeding citations than marijuana arrests.

I'm just saying.

Easier to catch a speeder than a smoker.

[old_school_soul]

Hi, what's up, cross post? :rolleyes:

Grumble grumble grimace grimace

[wordsmith]

The "W girls" are bringing the smack down on your toking ass, man.

And by smack, I do not, in fact, refer to heroin. :p

[weary]

Who are you hurting other than yourself if you grow your own weed and smoke it? Why should it be illegal?


And you be suprised the people who speed. Not only do they endanger themselves, but lots of other people on the road, yet it is more tolerated and accepted than marijuana use.

you're not understanding what i'm saying. it's not about who it's [the weed] hurting. it's that it's illegal and the person doing it is aware and does it anyway.

and yes, speeding is also illegal and endangers others. note i said i had a problem with someone who intentionally, regularly does that too. it is illegal as well. speeding is just as illegal as pot smoking b/c they're both against the law, period.

what i was getting at was that while i would not involve myself w/ someone who drove recklessly intentionally and regularly, i can see where someone who may go, say, 60 in a 55 on accident might be more tolerated than a reckless driver or a drug user/abuser. it's different and i was pointing it out b/c your post about limewire, speeding and movies seemed to make everything so simple and it's not (IMO).

[veniqe]

I don't care that weed's illegal. I'd still not date a stoner if I was living in Amsterdam...

To me, it's more a case of "Can I relate to this person?" And no, I can't. Cause he thinks it's fun to be sloshed/stoned/paranoid on a Sunday. Well, whenever, actually.
And the sad truth is that he's not the only one. I dumped one of my ex-boyfriends for always being stoned and never being able to have half a decent conversation. Always making light of things. How I hate blood shot eyes!!! And the smell is not really that nice.

[wordsmith]

Easier to catch a speeder than a smoker.

Regardless, the speeding is not being tolerated.

[weary]

I don't care that weed's illegal. I'd still not date a stoner if I was living in Amsterdam...

To me, it's more a case of "Can I relate to this person?" And no, I can't. Cause he thinks it's fun to be sloshed/stoned/paranoid on a Sunday. Well, whenever, actually.
And the sad truth is that he's not the only one. I dumped one of my ex-boyfriends for always being stoned and never being able to have half a decent conversation. Always making light of things. How I hate blood shot eyes!!! And the smell is not really that nice.

i agree with this.

and yeah...it smells like incense that's gone bad or something...

[LaFille]

Who are you hurting other than yourself if you grow your own weed and smoke it? Why should it be illegal?


And you be suprised the people who speed. Not only do they endanger themselves, but lots of other people on the road, yet it is more tolerated and accepted than marijuana use.

it appears that you're trying to instigate a 'marijuana should be legalized' argument :huge:

i don't think anyone on here specifically said they would not date a smoker for the sole reason that it's illegal though. i could have missed a comment here or there though...

[old_school_soul]

I would never date a druggy or someone who's high regularly. But if someone wants to do it once every few months, I don't see what the harm is. A couple girlfriends ago, she used to smoke a lot and it annoyed the shit out of me.. but these days, i'm much more relaxed about it.

[LaFille]

Regardless, the speeding is not being tolerated.

how much effort are cops really putting into stopping people from smoking weed though? seems like the speeders are a more immediate danger to society.

[wordsmith]

To me, it's more a case of "Can I relate to this person?" And no, I can't. Cause he thinks it's fun to be sloshed/stoned/paranoid on a Sunday. Well, whenever, actually.
And the sad truth is that he's not the only one. I dumped one of my ex-boyfriends for always being stoned and never being able to have half a decent conversation. Always making light of things. How I hate blood shot eyes!!! And the smell is not really that nice.

Bingo...I noted this way early on (maybe in my first post). If it's not a common interest, it's not likely to appeal. I don't know that many people who don't get high who think it's a blast to spend large portions of their free time around people for whom it's a reasonably large focus.

Seriously, of COURSE it's a matter of "Can I relate to this person?" Isn't it ALWAYS a matter of that? I'm not gonna date somebody who spends all day Sunday every Sunday getting high on the couch as a hobby. And, guess what? I'm ALSO not likely to date somebody who spends all day Sunday every Sunday watching football on he couch as a hobby! NOT SOMETHING I RELATE TO, AM INTERESTED IN, OR ENJOY, in either case, and it being the default activity gets old and is annoying. Now can I please get all the persecuted and misunderstood and marginalized football fans on my ass?

[veniqe]

I would never date a druggy or someone who's high regularly. But if someone wants to do it once every few months, I don't see what the harm is. A couple girlfriends ago, she used to smoke a lot and it annoyed the shit out of me.. but these days, i'm much more relaxed about it.

Why, me too. To the extent that, at a party I had recently, people were smoking it in my flat! Well, the balcony, actually. I don't mind it if people smoke dope.

Perhaps I'll get flack from others for allowing them in my apartment... Wasn't thinking about it at that time. ;): I just mind the fact that there aren't too many guys around, who don't smoke. And who aren't gay and who aren't in relationships and who aren't down and out losers, et cetera, et cetera. Get my point?

[weary]

Bingo...I noted this way early on (maybe in my first post). If it's not a common interest, it's not likely to appeal. I don't know that many people wo don't get high who think it's a blast to spend large portions of their free time around people for whom it's a reasonably large focus.

Seriously, of COURSE it's a matter of "Can I relate to this person?" Isn't it ALWAYS a matter of that? I'm not gonna date somebody who spends all day Sunday every Sunday getting high on the couch as a hobby. And, guess what? I'm ALSO not likely to date somebody who spends all day Sunday every Sunday watching football on he couch! NOT SOMETHING I RELATE TO, AM INTERESTED IN, OR ENJOY, in either case, and it being the default activity gets old and is annoying. Now can I please get all the persecuted and misunderstood and marginalized football fans on my ass?

actually, i kind of disagree words. i mean, for me, it's more of a diff in values with the drug thing. whereas, i don't mind so much the football/basketball/whatever sport junkies. most guys i have dated have either been completely wrapped up in basketball, american football, or soccer during the seasons, and it's not been a problem for me even though i'm really not that big a fan. we had enough other things in common i guess.

[veniqe]

actually, i kind of disagree words. i mean, for me, it's more of a diff in values with the drug thing. whereas, i don't mind so much the football/basketball/whatever sport junkies. most guys i have dated have either been completely wrapped up in basketball, american football, or soccer during the seasons, and it's not been a problem for me even though i'm really not that big a fan. we had enough other things in common i guess.

I could also not date someone who thinks there's nothing better than watching sports on television. My mom had enough trouble with my dad/grandpa and their continious watching of sports. So, no thank you.

Rather give me a guy who wants to actually DO these things! Cause then he can (hopefully) drag me with him for a Sunday morning bike ride. Or a Saturday afternoon climbing Table Mountain!!

Besides, if he's into actual sports, the chances of him being very muscular, is pretty good! ;):

[weary]

I could also not date someone who thinks there's nothing better than watching sports on television. My mom had enough trouble with my dad/grandpa and their continious watching of sports. So, no thank you.

Rather give me a guy who wants to actually DO these things! Cause then he can (hopefully) drag me with him for a Sunday morning bike ride. Or a Saturday afternoon climbing Table Mountain!!

Besides, if he's into actual sports, the chances of him being very muscular, is pretty good! ;):

oh, i can understand that. i would never date a couch potato. all the guys i've dated that have loved to watch sports have also loved to play them. now that i say that i think the only common thread in all the guys i've dated is that they've all been athletes. interesting. ;):

[wordsmith]

actually, i kind of disagree words. i mean, for me, it's more of a diff in values with the drug thing. whereas, i don't mind so much the football/basketball/whatever sport junkies. most guys i have dated have either been completely wrapped up in basketball, american football, or soccer during the seasons, and it's not been a problem for me even though i'm really not that big a fan. we had enough other things in common i guess.

Yup, and it's a to each, her own kind of thing. I have to be able to relate to somebody, and I have a really hard time relating to somebody who fixates on stuff I'm just plain not into. There are other reasons to be anti the drugs, but when it comes to weed, one of my beefs is that I hate the fixating. I hate the fixating on anything.

[weary]

i hate fixating too...unless it's on ME. that's good if it's the right dude. :huge:

[wordsmith]

Trust me. Even that can get old.

[veniqe]

Trust me. Even that can get old.

HA!! So true.

[dsprackl]

For those of you that said you would never date someone that smokes weed, do you think that the timing of this relevation makes a difference i.e. if you knew right away versus them telling you six months later after you had invested time and emotions in this person that your opinion would be different because you really got to know them instead of focusing on one imperfection?

[wordsmith]

Oooh, good question.

Is the reason you might not be aware because they do it regularly and concealed it from you for that long, or becasue it's just that occasional a thing that it never really occurred or came to light until six months in? That might matter to some. Not so sure it does to me, but to some, it might.

[veniqe]

That's even worse, in my mind. An ex-boyfriend of mine smoked the weed for months after he told me he quit.

So, when I eventually found out that he was smoking it in my apartment, I was hurt. He lied to me and he smoked it in my flat without my permission.

If I conceal something from my SO, then I'm basically lying. Especially if I know how much she hates weed.

[dsprackl]

I'm saying if it never came up, they weren't lying to you persay, they just didn't disclose all of their activities and if they went six months without you noticing, is it really that big of a deal afterall. Regardless if the use is occasional or regularly.

[WorkInProgress]

Nope, makes no difference to me. I can see how it might to some, though.

Depending on the situation, I might maaaaaaybe give him one free pass, but not another one after that.

(And, for the record, I think cirgarettes are just as disgusting.)

EDIT: And if he's actively concealing it from me, I'm gonna wonder what else he's keeping from me.

[veniqe]

I'm just being stubborn and typical but trust me, it would;ve come up sooner or later. I'm the type of person who'll ask "So, what religion do you subscribe to and do you do drugs and what size underwear do you wear and what's your mothers maiden name and do you wear white socks with black shoes....."

However, living in an ideal world where there's no need to discuss if the other person has HIV/Herpes, etc, and it never comes up, I guess it'll not be as big a deal if I can't see any changes in his behaviour. Which is highly unlikely. Besides, smoking weed changes people's behaviour big time. So, it'll be as though I've been dating a stranger for 6 months.

[wordsmith]

Yup, same here. Ask any of my exes how big I am on not being open about things. If you're concealing questionable recreational habits, it def. becomes a question in my mind of what else you might conceal. Trust necessitates intimacy, intimacy necessitates trust. If you keep things from me that affect me (such as illegal practices), we don't have intimacy or trust.

[dsprackl]

I'm just being stubborn and typical but trust me, it would;ve come up sooner or later. I'm the type of person who'll ask "So, what religion do you subscribe to and do you do drugs and what size underwear do you wear and what's your mothers maiden name and do you wear white socks with black shoes....."

However, living in an ideal world where there's no need to discuss if the other person has HIV/Herpes, etc, and it never comes up, I guess it'll not be as big a deal if I can't see any changes in his behaviour. Which is highly unlikely. Besides, smoking weed changes people's behaviour big time. So, it'll be as though I've been dating a stranger for 6 months.

I'll pose this question to you then, if I had made it very clear my opinion on a certain subject and you liked me and wanted to get to know me better would you modify your response or pretend to be interested in it just because you know if your not that it is a deal breaker?

Also, I would challenge your statement that weed changes people's behavior big time. For some yes it does, but I will bet that someone you know smokes weed and has been high around you without you even knowing it. Weed is like any other drug, legal or illegal. It affects everyone in different ways.

[dsprackl]

Yup, same here. Ask any of my exes how big I am on not being open about things. If you're concealing questionable recreational habits, it def. becomes a question in my mind of what else you might conceal. Trust necessitates intimacy, intimacy necessitates trust. If you keep things from me that affect me (such as illegal practices), we don't have intimacy or trust.

We all have secrets some bigger than others. Would you think twice about telling your SO about an embarassing habit early on in the relationship?

[wordsmith]

I don't actually want somebody concealing LEGAL drug use around me. If you're hiding it, odds are you've got a prob.

[wordsmith]

We all have secrets some bigger than others. Would you think twice about telling your SO about an embarassing habit early on in the relationship?

Embarrassing habits and destructive and/or illegal habits aren't the same thing.

[dsprackl]

Embarrassing habits and destructive and/or illegal habits aren't the same thing.

I'm not saying they are or are not the same, that is for each individual to decide. The effect of revealing these things early in a relationship can be very much the same. There are things that even so called open people hide because we all want to make the best impression.

[veniqe]

We all have secrets some bigger than others. Would you think twice about telling your SO about an embarassing habit early on in the relationship?

What habit can I have that can land me into jail? You don't know the answer, so it's a bad question, I know. And I'm not saying I'm squeaky clean, either. I download...gasp...porn sometimes. I download Mp3's.

But, one can go to jail for possesion of weed. Sure, I've got secrets. I've done stuff I'm not too proud of. But, that'll all come out of the closet early on. Cause of the whole trust issue. If he's important enough.

And I haven't met too many people who were ashamed of their smoking "habits". That's normally the first thing they start discussing... "So, guys, when are we gonna have a joint again?" Or "I was SO stoned on Sunday..." Or where I'd bring some wine to a party, they'll bring a joint!! ;):

[veniqe]

Embarrassing habits and destructive and/or illegal habits aren't the same thing.

I second that.

[dsprackl]

What habit can I have that can land me into jail? You don't know the answer, so it's a bad question, I know. And I'm not saying I'm squeaky clean, either. I download...gasp...porn sometimes. I download Mp3's.

But, one can go to jail for possesion of weed. Sure, I've got secrets. I've done stuff I'm not too proud of. But, that'll all come out of the closet early on. Cause of the whole trust issue. If he's important enough.

And I haven't met too many people who were ashamed of their smoking "habits". That's normally the first thing they start discussing... "So, guys, when are we gonna have a joint again?" Or "I was SO stoned on Sunday..." Or where I'd bring some wine to a party, they'll bring a joint!! ;):

Actually in many states weed posession is a misdemnor (sp) and only results in a fine, no jail time.

If you shared those secrets and opened your closet early on and it cost you the relationship, wouldn't you be less open the next time?

I'm not saying they are ashamed of it, but because of their situation and the stigma that society puts on smoking weed some people don't openly publicize it.

[wordsmith]

Openly publicizing it & telling your girlfriend it's something you do...two diff. things.

You're right, what you conceal is for each person to decide. And how the other person chooses to respond to the fact that you concealed something they feel they needed to know to make an informed decision is for him or her to decide, too, by the same token.

[dsprackl]

A lot of people brought up the fact that it is illegal. If it was legal would your opinions change?

[WorkInProgress]

A lot of people brought up the fact that it is illegal. If it was legal would your opinions change?
My major concerns about work-related stuff wouldn't be an issue, since that has to do with the legal fallout.

I'd still think it's gross and want nothing to do with it. Like cigarettes.

[wordsmith]

If it was legal, it would annoy me, same as cigarette smoking does. But it would remove the "It's going to be a pain in the ass if my s.o.'s recreation of choice gets him or me arrested" element, for sure.

[dsprackl]

So if it was legal it he didn't do it, it wouldn't be a deal breaker for you any more?

[wordsmith]

Haven't I already answered that on the thread? I think I have.

I noted this way early on (maybe in my first post). If it's not a common interest, it's not likely to appeal. I don't know that many people who don't get high who think it's a blast to spend large portions of their free time around people for whom it's a reasonably large focus.

Seriously, of COURSE it's a matter of "Can I relate to this person?" Isn't it ALWAYS a matter of that? I'm not gonna date somebody who spends all day Sunday every Sunday getting high on the couch as a hobby. And, guess what? I'm ALSO not likely to date somebody who spends all day Sunday every Sunday watching football on he couch as a hobby! NOT SOMETHING I RELATE TO, AM INTERESTED IN, OR ENJOY, in either case, and it being the default activity gets old and is annoying. Now can I please get all the persecuted and misunderstood and marginalized football fans on my ass?

[dsprackl]

This wasn't really directed at you, because of your earlier post. It was more directed at those who said they wouldn't date someone who does strickly because it is illegal.

[WorkInProgress]

This wasn't really directed at you, because of your earlier post. It was more directed at those who said they wouldn't date someone who does strickly because it is illegal.

Did anyone say that?

[dsprackl]

Not word for word, but the connotation was that since its illegal and they are criminals for doing it I wouldn't date them.

[wordsmith]

Not word for word, but the connotation was that since its illegal and they are criminals for doing it I wouldn't date them.

Actually, I think it was more along the lines of not being comfortable dating somebody who conceals illegal habits.

[WorkInProgress]

Not word for word, but the connotation was that since its illegal and they are criminals for doing it I wouldn't date them.

Well, you're probably referring to me (and Words, who said something quite similar), since I'm one of the few who actually said something that could be interpreted that way. The meaning being, "since it's illegal and I could get in actual trouble and (easily!) foreseeably lose my job, and have to find a new industry," I'm not going to endanger myself like that. Certainly not for a bit of someone else's fun.

And I already said that I probably wouldn't date them, since it's gross. Just a couple posts before you posted.

[dsprackl]

i don't know about lime wire or how that works, but i probably wouldn't date someone who went around sneaking into movies or speeding on a regular basis, intentionally. doing illegal drugs usually requires intent, including purchasing or growing them, prep, and of course getting high. i doubt most people who go over the speed limit get into their car with the intention of going 90 in a 55.

This was actually the post I was referencing. :)

Although, how could you lose your job and have to find another industry if your boyfriend got busted smoking pot. Like I said earlier, in most states it is simply a fine, unless he is transporting large quantities, with intent to distribute which is in a whole other league than someone that smokes a joint every once in a while.

[WorkInProgress]

This was actually the post I was referencing. :)

Although, how could you lose your job and have to find another industry if your boyfriend got busted smoking pot. Like I said earlier, in most states it is simply a fine, unless he is transporting large quantities, with intent to distribute which is in a whole other league than someone that smokes a joint every once in a while.

Not if it's around me, and somehow I ingest enough to pop on a test. And pop on the retest, shortly thereafter. I'm automatically fired if that happens. You may think it's a wild, unrealistic fantasy, but I don't think so.

And I want absolutely no possibility for me to get arrested for someone else's. Even if it all works out, and I don't even have to pay a fine, since it's not mine. I'm gonna have to fight it. And I'm gonna have to take time off to do it, best case, so it's keeping me from doing my job and it makes me look like a bad risk. Nope. No effing way. If I were going to put up with this crap, it would have been in college, when the stakes weren't all that high.

[KCboy]

Not if it's around me, and somehow I ingest enough to pop on a test. And pop on the retest, shortly thereafter. I'm automatically fired if that happens. You may think it's a wild, unrealistic fantasy, but I don't think so.

And I want absolutely no possibility for me to get arrested for someone else's. Even if it all works out, and I don't even have to pay a fine, since it's not mine. I'm gonna have to fight it. And I'm gonna have to take time off to do it, best case, so it's keeping me from doing my job and it makes me look like a bad risk. Nope. No effing way. If I were going to put up with this crap, it would have been in college, when the stakes weren't all that high.

good lord, paranoid much?

[dsprackl]

good lord, paranoid much?

I second that.

[WorkInProgress]

good lord, paranoid much?

Maybe. But I'm talking about my livelihood. Is my hypothetical pot-smoking bf's fun more important than that? I certainly don't think so.

[Chameleon]

good lord, paranoid much?
Another reason she should stay away from weed, KCBoy. :razz: :razz:

Why do people get so up in arms when nigh-anonymous posters say they won't date them because of some attribute when the chances of meeting and dating said poster are remote at best? What do you gain from arguing about this?

She doesn't want to date pot smokers, it's okay, it's nothing personal! You'll find someone else who you don't have to lie to about it who'll date you!

[wordsmith]

Who are either of you to judge if somebody doesn't choose to be around something that's a. illegal, b.she finds personally distasteful, and c. association with could harm her employment, really? WTF?

Nobody (apart from law enforcement) is telling you you can't smoke pot, it's really dumb for you to be ripping on somebody because they don't wanna be around it. Why do you care? Why do you even care if your weed habits make somebody not prefer to date you? From the way you're addressing WIP, it's pretty clear you wouldn't even WANNA be with somebody who's not into weed, so what is the big problem that for some people, it's a dealbreaker? Is it that hard to find a dating pool of people people with similar habits from whom to pick, if it's such a big deal?

[KCboy]

I have one purpose for pot - to relax (alone) at the end of the day.

I never bring it up unless they do. And they never guess that I'm "that type of guy"

I have dated several women that had no idea that I occassionally endulge.

(unlike cigarettes, it doesn't stink up your home and clothes)

[WorkInProgress]

Another reason she should stay away from weed, KCBoy. :razz: :razz:

lol. ;)


extraletters

[dsprackl]

The stars and planets would have to align just right for you to risk your livelyhood because your hypothetical boyfriends pot smoking.

For the record, I just went through this week's police reports, and there are WAY more speeding citations than marijuana arrests.

I'm just saying.

[KCboy]

Who are either of you to judge if somebody doesn't choose to be around something that's a. illegal, b.she finds personally distasteful, and c. association with could harm her employment, really? WTF?

Nobody (apart from law enforcement) is telling you you can't smoke pot, it's really dumb for you to be ripping on somebody because they don't wanna be around it. Why do you care? Why do you even care if your weed habits make somebody not prefer to date you? From the way you're addressing WIP, it's pretty clear you wouldn't even WANNA be with somebody who's not into weed, so what is the big problem that for some people, it's a dealbreaker? Is it that hard to find a dating pool of people people with similar habits from whom to pick, if it's such a big deal?

I care because this is blatant prejudice.

you got so upset when dddork said he wouldn't date fat women, this is the same thing


(and all I said was "papranoid?", how is that attacking her?)

[dsprackl]

I have one purpose for pot - to relax (alone) at the end of the day.

I never bring it up unless they do. And they never guess that I'm "that type of guy"

I have dated several women that had no idea that I occassionally endulge.

(unlike cigarettes, it doesn't stink up your home and clothes)

Cosign this, not all smokers fit the stero types listed here earlier, some of us you would never know unless we told you.

[wordsmith]

I swear, you guys are acting like you're being discriminated against for having prosthetic limbs or something. It's your CHOICE to smoke up. Some people won't care, some will be annoyed, some will prefer not to be around it, some will not want to date you. Big deal. That's life, no? If it's THAT important to you to get with somebody who's not down with pot smoking, I guess you can always quit. If it's not important to you, you won't. But railing that people are unreasonable and unfair and marginalizing you because they don't share your habit of choice or want to be around it is kind of ridiculous.

[dsprackl]

I care because this is blatant prejudice.

you got so upset when dddork said he wouldn't date fat women, this is the same thing


(and all I said was "papranoid?", how is that attacking her?)


Finally someone to back me up. Look at the title of this thread, how can this not be prejudice? It implies if you smoke pot you are not a decent guy. If it was about something else you guys would be all over the poster.

[WorkInProgress]

The stars and planets would have to align just right for you to risk your livelyhood because your hypothetical boyfriends pot smoking.
Maybe, but it's not a risk I'm willing to take. And why should you care, anyway, what criteria I use to make an assessment on somebody I might want to date? If sorry if it offends you, but too bad. I'm not about to change it for you, no matter how irrational you think it is.

[KCboy]

I swear, you guys are acting like you're being discriminated against for having prosthetic limbs or something. It's your CHOICE to smoke up. Some people won't care, some will be annoyed, some will prefer not to be around it, some will not want to date you. Big deal. That's life, no? If it's THAT important to you to get with somebody who's not down with pot smoking, I guess you can always quit. If it's not important to you, you won't. But railing that people are unreasonable and unfair and marginalizing you because they don't share your habit of choice or want to be around it is kind of ridiculous.

replace references to marijuana with eating, same thing.

why are some activities open to discrimination, while others aren't?

"I'd never date a pot-smoker" - Yay!, You Go Girl!, Yah!

"I'd never date a fat person" - Boo!, That's Unnacceptable!, %@#! You!

[WorkInProgress]

Cosign this, not all smokers fit the stero types listed here earlier, some of us you would never know unless we told you.
I'm sure you're right. And I wouldn't avoid you like the plague. I would, however, choose to not date you. What is your big deal with this?

[wordsmith]

I care because this is blatant prejudice.


Seriously? You're whining because somebody's prejudiced against your RECREATIONAL ACTIVITY?

Man, I crochet scarves as my hobby. It's pretty old lady, if I do say so myself. But if you roll your eyes at me if I stay in on a Saturday night and crochet, THAT'S BLATANT PREJUDICE AGAINST MY CHOSEN FORM OF RECREATION!!!! HOW DARE YOU FORM OPINIONS OF ME BASED ON WHAT I PREFER TO SPEND MY TIME DOING?????? I'M OUTRAGED!

[dsprackl]

I swear, you guys are acting like you're being discriminated against for having prosthetic limbs or something. It's your CHOICE to smoke up. Some people won't care, some will be annoyed, some will prefer not to be around it, some will not want to date you. Big deal. That's life, no? If it's THAT important to you to get with somebody who's not down with pot smoking, I guess you can always quit. If it's not important to you, you won't. But railing that people are unreasonable and unfair and marginalizing you because they don't share your habit of choice or want to be around it is kind of ridiculous.

We are just saying that you are judging us for an activity. Same thing as judging someone by appearace. If this was a guy saying that he won't date fat girls, you and every other girl would be all over them saying how they were prejudice and this was not the place to descriminate. We are just trying to represent the opposite/minority side of this debate.

[wordsmith]

Hah! This is seriously the second time within a week that QLCers have seen fit to equate being overweight with choosing to pursue an illegal recreational activity. Who's high, here?

[WorkInProgress]

We are just saying that you are judging us for an activity. Same thing as judging someone by appearace. If this was a guy saying that he won't date fat girls, you and every other girl would be all over them saying how they were prejudice and this was not the place to descriminate. We are just trying to represent the opposite/minority side of this debate.

Actually not JUDGING you based your activity. Not once, in this or any other thread (go check), have I ever said that pot users, occasional or otherwise are lazy, stoner losers who inhabit their mother's basements, etc., etc. Never. I'm not judging you for choosing to smoke up. By all means, smoke up. Have a blast. It makes no difference to me.

EDIT: I also have never said anything about morality as it pertains to smoking up, so that's out too. Not judging you or anyone else on being a "bad" person for doing it.

I have, several times stated that I find the activity to be disgusting. (As, in fact, I find cigarette smoking to be, even though that is legal for those over 18). And even though the chance may be slight, there is still a chance that I could get screwed by somebody else's (gross), recreational activity, so I choose not to closely associate with people who do it. (Notice I did not say people who have done it. I don't care whether anyone has done it or not. It gets me in no trouble at all if someone did at some point experiment or smoke lots.)

[WorkInProgress]

Seriously? You're whining because somebody's prejudiced against your RECREATIONAL ACTIVITY?

Man, I crochet scarves as my hobby. It's pretty old lady, if I do say so myself. But if you roll your eyes at me if I stay in on a Saturday night and crochet, THAT'S BLATANT PREJUDICE AGAINST MY CHOSEN FORM OF RECREATION!!!! HOW DARE YOU FORM OPINIONS OF ME BASED ON WHAT I PREFER TO SPEND MY TIME DOING?????? I'M OUTRAGED!
Hahhahahaha. You kill me, sometimes.

[wordsmith]

We are just saying that you are judging us for an activity. Same thing as judging someone by appearace.

Newsflash! It's NOT the same...You can quit an activity if you want to, because it's hindering your dating life. You can only do so much about your appearance, in most cases. If smoking pot is such a huge hindrance to getting dates (which I don't really believe it is), people would stop. But they don't, because it's not. Obviously NOT a hindrance.

If this was a guy saying that he won't date fat girls, you and every other girl would be all over them saying how they were prejudice and this was not the place to descriminate. We are just trying to represent the opposite/minority side of this debate.

It seems more like you're angry that people might rule you out because you smoke up. And I bet there are overweight people who are angry that people rule them out over their weight, too. And you'd tell them, well, then lose some weight if it's an issue. And I'd tell you, quit smoking up if it's an issue. If not, don't worry about it.

Actually, I said don't PICK ON overweight people and post things that make them feel badly...I know, I know, I've hurt the pot smoker's feelings with my insensitive comments on this thread, right? Actually no, my first post on this thread was to note that it seemed that the OP was implying that pot smokers aren't decent people, and that that was gonna take heat...nowhere did I say that. Just that I won't necessarily date them, which is the same as the ladies you two are so incensed at are saying.

[SmilesSoSweet]

Hah! This is seriously the second time within a week that QLCers have seen fit to equate being overweight with choosing to pursue an illegal recreational activity. Who's high, here?

Hell, I'm overweight and if a guy prefers to date a girl that isn't, it's his choice and I'm okay with it.

If I smoked (anything - which I never will) but a guy prefers to date girls that don't, it's his choice and I'm okay with it.

Get over yourself, boys. We all have preferences. We all CHOOSE to be with people we want to be with. Everyone has deal breakers for his or her own reasons.

[dsprackl]

Hah! This is seriously the second time within a week that QLCers have seen fit to equate being overweight with choosing to pursue an illegal recreational activity. Who's high, here?


For someone who is a moderator of this board I don't think its quite right for you to throw around accusations.

KCBOY and I are just standing up for what we see as prejudice and we are representing the minority, I think OSS tried to do this earlier but gave up when no one supported him.

The fact of the matter is that people should look at people as a whole before making decisions, it's all about being open minded. Yes, you have every right not to date someone because of personal reasons, we are not saying that you don't. When you are making blanket statements about someone whether it is because of a hobby or physical appearance or race you are descriminating. How is this any different?

[KCboy]

Hah! This is seriously the second time within a week that QLCers have seen fit to equate being overweight with choosing to pursue an illegal recreational activity. Who's high, here?

I just don't see how being prejudice against one is acceptable here and the other isn't.

I'd never date anyone...

...who watches whatever
...who smokes whatever
...who drinks whatever
...who eats whatever

[wordsmith]

Actually not JUDGING you based your activity. Not once, in this or any other thread (go check), have I ever said that pot users, occasional or otherwise are lazy, stoner losers who inhabit their mother's basements, etc., etc. Never. I'm not judging you for choosing to smoke up. By all means, smoke up. Have a blast. It makes no difference to me.

EDIT: I also have never said anything about morality as it pertains to smoking up, so that's out too. Not judging you or anyone else on being a "bad" person for doing it.

I have, several times stated that I find the activity to be disgusting. (As, in fact, I find cigarette smoking to be, even though that is legal for those over 18). And even though the chance may be slight, there is still a chance that I could get screwed by somebody else's (gross), recreational activity, so I choose not to closely associate with people who do it. (Notice I did not say people who have done it. I don't care whether anyone has done it or not. It gets me in no trouble at all if someone did at some point experiment or smoke lots.)

Exactly! Smoke all you want, again, by all means! Do I think you're a bad person? Do I think you suck or are a screwup? I dunno, you could be, but it's probably not in a causal relationship to whether or not you smoke weed. I seriously could care less if somebody wants to smoke up. But I don't, and I'm not likely to date somebody who does. Don't think you suck or are stupid. Just not interested.

[SmilesSoSweet]

When you are making blanket statements about someone whether it is because of a hobby or physical appearance or race you are descriminating. How is this any different?

Because smoking pot is something you CHOOSE to do. I can't change my race or some of my physical appearance. (Yes, I can dye my hair or wear colored contacts). But if I can choose not to smoke pot, not to crochet, not to ride my bike, play poker, gamble, etc. These are hobbies that YOU CONTROL yourself.

[KCboy]

The fact of the matter is that people should look at people as a whole before making decisions, it's all about being open minded. Yes, you have every right not to date someone because of personal reasons, we are not saying that you don't. When you are making blanket statements about someone whether it is because of a hobby or physical appearance or race you are descriminating. How is this any different?

thank you


except you misspelled 'discriminating'

[WorkInProgress]

For someone who is a moderator of this board I don't think its quite right for you to throw around accusations.

KCBOY and I are just standing up for what we see as prejudice and we are representing the minority, I think OSS tried to do this earlier but gave up when no one supported him.

Accusations? What?!

And how's that representing thing going for ya? Do you think that you're changing anyone's mind or furthering your cause? Really?

[WorkInProgress]

thank you


except you misspelled 'discriminating'

Hahahahahaha. Good one.

[KCboy]

I think John Mayer's music is disgusting, but have datd several women that love him (and his music too)

[WorkInProgress]

I think John Mayer's music is disgusting, but have datd several women that love him (and his music too)

Good for you. And not quite the parallel I think you're going for, but whatever.

[wordsmith]

I just don't see how being prejudice against one is acceptable here and the other isn't.

I'd never date anyone...

...who watches whatever
...who smokes whatever
...who drinks whatever
...who eats whatever

First off, I, or anybody else, can't stop somebody from being prejudiced against whomever they want, anyway. I can stop them from posting cruel things about overweight people, and I will, (and if you're still pissed that you or anybody wasn't allowed to do that, you have a problem). But anybody can hold whatever prejudices they want. They just can't post cruel things.

If you can show me where I've posted cruel hurtful things about pot smokers, I'll gladly take it down. The OP was informed that she might consider that weed has nothing to do with being "decent," from the first response on, and multiple times thereafter. And none of the rest of us equated character with reactional choices...just stated that we're unlikely to date somebody who partakes, no character judgment.

Furthermore, anybody can have any dealbreakers they want. You can rule out people you would or wouldn't date for ANY reason. You think I'm stupid for that being a dealbreaker, fair enough. I think people are stupid for THEIR arbitrary preferences. So? Doesn't matter. Not gonna change mine, you're not gonna change yours.

[CTGirl]

Wow, things got heated in here!

This may get me into trouble, but if smoking pot is so good at calming your nerves, then why is it that the pot smokers in here are the ones getting all paranoid and accusatory???

I just read through all this, and didn't see anything about discriminating against people who smoke pot.....

[WorkInProgress]

Wow, things got heated in here!

This may get me into trouble, but if smoking pot is so good at calming your nerves, then why is it that the pot smokers in here are the ones getting all paranoid and accusatory???

I just read through all this, and didn't see anything about discriminating against people who smoke pot.....

Well, apparently, I'm the paranoid one. :) Not accusatory, though.

[meatwad]

I tolerate that people smoke pot. I just ask that they tolerate the fact that I don't want anything to do with them. :huge:

[wordsmith]

you are making blanket statements about someone whether it is because of a hobby or physical appearance or race you are descriminating.


Yeah, and note that it was pointed out IMMEDIATELY that the OP was making a blanket statement.

[wordsmith]

Wow, things got heated in here!

This may get me into trouble, but if smoking pot is so good at calming your nerves, then why is it that the pot smokers in here are the ones getting all paranoid and accusatory???

I just read through all this, and didn't see anything about discriminating against people who smoke pot.....

Are you throwing around accusations that people are being accusatory??
:huge:

[dsprackl]

Accusations? What?!

And how's that representing thing going for ya? Do you think that you're changing anyone's mind or furthering your cause? Really?

The accusation that "who's high now"?

I did not reply on this thread to start a flame war with the board queens or to get attacked or made fun of for a misspelling. Nor I am not trying to change anyone's mind or furthering a cause I am simply representing the minority on this discussion.

[WorkInProgress]

Well, it's past 5 guys, I'm headed out. Have a lovely evening, whether you smoke, or crochet or not.

[meatwad]

Well, it's past 5 guys, I'm headed out. Have a lovely evening, whether you smoke, or crochet or not.

I smoke yarn because I don't like needles.

[CTGirl]

Are you throwing around accusations that people are being accusatory??
:huge:

I sure am :razz:

Chill out people, no one is hating on anyone in here as far as I can tell......what's up with people on this board being so sensitive lately???

[meatwad]

I sure am :razz:

Chill out people, no one is hating on anyone in here as far as I can tell......what's up with people on this board being so sensitive lately???

It's not just the board. It's everywhere. It's all part of the Pussification of America, which is a book I'm going to write. :D

It's happening in other countries too, we're just behind the curve thankfully.

[cache]

Wow! It sounds like the ACLU better get involved. Better call the NAACP while you're at it. And Greenpeace. And how about the NRA just for good measure. :huge:



[I grab my popcorn and go back to the cheap seats to watch the show]

[CTGirl]

It's not just the board. It's everywhere. It's all part of the Pussification of America, which is a book I'm going to write. :D

It's happening in other countries too, we're just behind the curve thankfully.

oooooo, intruiging, can I get an advance copy of that? Sounds fascinating :huge:

[weary]

i've seen this sign on the wall of someone's foyer in their home, next to the "please remove your shoes" plaque and shoe tree by the door:

i don't mind if you smoke in my house if you don't mind if i shit in your shoes.

:p

[wordsmith]

Hah, seriously, no attack, no character judgment here, never called names. It's just not my thing. I will, however, be temporarily changing my user title to "board queen."

[meatwad]

i've seen this sign on the wall of someone's foyer in their home, next to the "please remove your shoes" plaque and shoe tree by the door:

i don't mind if you smoke in my house if you don't mind if i shit in your shoes.

:p

EXCRIMENTE ZAPATOS!!!

[meatwad]

oooooo, intruiging, can I get an advance copy of that? Sounds fascinating :huge:

I can't write for shit, so maybe I'll have Jess co-author it with me. :D

[wordsmith]

But I'm actually the most thin-skinned poster ON the boards. It would be wrong for me to co-author a pussification book.

[KCboy]

if smoking pot is so good at calming your nerves, then why is it that the pot smokers in here are the ones getting all paranoid and accusatory???

because I'm at work, and they seem to frown on smoking pot here

damn facists

[meatwad]

But I'm actually the most thin-skinned poster ON the boards. It would be wrong for me to co-author a pussification book.

I'll talk, you write. Who cares about personal ethics if we can make money! lol

[ScottyTheBody]

Thought I'd chime in because I just noticed this thread but what I was going to say has already been said.

I gotta agree with words on all accounts. I couldn't have said it better myself.

[dengeist]

That had to be the longest ten pages I've ever even read though.....geez. It was pretty funny though. :huge:

It seems like to me the OP doesn't like the guy because he smokes weed. That seems cool to me. There actually people that smoke and won't date someone who doesn't smoke. All's fair.....

Chris Rock said, "If you a crackhead, your woman gotta be a crackhead too...or the shit just won't work..." the same thing applies to weed or anything else.

[Chameleon]

damn facists
The facists strike again!!!

[LaFille]

I have one purpose for pot - to relax (alone) at the end of the day.

I never bring it up unless they do. And they never guess that I'm "that type of guy"

I have dated several women that had no idea that I occassionally endulge.

(unlike cigarettes, it doesn't stink up your home and clothes)

i agree. i see no reason for people you are dating to know... unless they blatantly ask you, or you as the smoker have been made aware of their great dislike for it. i would never mention that i occasionally smoke on a date, i don't talk about it in general, and i definitely don't fit the 'stoner' stereotype. therefore, i'm sure i've dated plenty of guys who were totally unaware. i'm also pretty discerning about it though, which not all people are... i won't do it in your house/car if you aren't down with that, and i haven't smoked in months due to my current job search.

if i met a guy i cared about who didn't like it, i would stop, because that would be far more important to me. if he mentioned on a date early on that he hated it, i'd probably stay mum, then feel guilty about it a month later and fess up. i also used to smoke cigarettes but luckily have kicked that habit... still have the occasional craving though, especially as of late. anyways, i have no problem with people disliking any of these behaviors, and i don't blame them at all for not wanting to date smokers of weed/cigs/whatever. however, i'd be really disappointed and upset if someone ruled me out and decided i wasn't worth dating because of things i did in the past...

[LakeJay]

I kind of think you should let your date know that you smoke if you are indeed high/stoned at the moment you are with them. Especially if you're operating a vehicle. Chances are they probably won't to either be with you or be in the car if you are driving. I have no qualms with smoking as I have in the past but if it's affecting my behavior or physical coordination, I think I owe it to the people hanging out with me to let them know why.

[LaFille]

I kind of think you should let your date know that you smoke if you are indeed high/stoned at the moment you are with them. Especially if you're operating a vehicle. Chances are they probably won't to either be with you or be in the car if you are driving. I have no qualms with smoking as I have in the past but if it's affecting my behavior or physical coordination, I think I owe it to the people hanging out with me to let them know why.

i totally agree... i was more saying that if it were something i did with friends occasionally and not in the presence of the person i was dating, i could see how it would never come up...

[WorkInProgress]

I will, however, be temporarily changing my user title to "board queen."

Damn. I already did. He did use the plural, though. :razz:

[wordsmith]

If Weary and Winter follow suit, the W Girls can rule in harmony.

[SmilesSoSweet]

If Weary and Winter follow suit, the W Girls can rule in harmony.

Don't forget me, too. Well my real name, not my screenname. :)

[wordsmith]

That's right!

[zen_mistress]

Im very bored here at work. I dont think I would like to smoke pot because I react badly to it. But I sure would like to be drunk right now.

[veniqe]

Finally someone to back me up. Look at the title of this thread, how can this not be prejudice? It implies if you smoke pot you are not a decent guy. If it was about something else you guys would be all over the poster.

Please go back a couple of posts...Where I said that my choice of a title is dodgy, at best. I never meant to imply that someone who smokes weed, is not decent.

[weary]

If Weary and Winter follow suit, the W Girls can rule in harmony.

suit followed! just waiting on winter and wilma so we can hold court! LOL. :huge:

[stonemonkey]

I actually find it interesting that there is a distinction between dealbreakers which a person has control over (like if they choose to smoke pot or engage in illegal activities) and dealbreakers which they have no control over (like their height, weight or ethnicity). A dealbreaker's a dealbreaker, isn't it?

And yeah, I'll tell you where the decent guys are as soon as you tell me where the decent girls are.

[mishl982]

Although, how could you lose your job and have to find another industry if your boyfriend got busted smoking pot. Like I said earlier, in most states it is simply a fine, unless he is transporting large quantities, with intent to distribute which is in a whole other league than someone that smokes a joint every once in a while.
Um, you could lose your clearance if you work a government or govt contractor job if they found out, and if you lose your clearance you would lose your job. And good luck trying to get a clearance again. And getting a government job that needs it.

You can also lose your clearance over things such as reckless driving, DUIs, etc.

And you can also be denied a clearance because of those things.

[veniqe]

I actually find it interesting that there is a distinction between dealbreakers which a person has control over (like if they choose to smoke pot or engage in illegal activities) and dealbreakers which they have no control over (like their height, weight or ethnicity). A dealbreaker's a dealbreaker, isn't it?

And yeah, I'll tell you where the decent guys are as soon as you tell me where the decent girls are.

I'm too far away, stonemonkey, sorry.

[WorkInProgress]

I actually find it interesting that there is a distinction between dealbreakers which a person has control over (like if they choose to smoke pot or engage in illegal activities) and dealbreakers which they have no control over (like their height, weight or ethnicity).

Really, why?

[old_school_soul]

Um, you could lose your clearance if you work a government or govt contractor job if they found out, and if you lose your clearance you would lose your job. And good luck trying to get a clearance again. And getting a government job that needs it.


This isn't true. You aren't going to be denied a clearance because your boyfriend smokes weed. First the DIS (Defense Investigative Service) would have to find out (how would they do this?). Maybe if he was a convicted dealer and you lived with him.

[old_school_soul]

I actually find it interesting that there is a distinction between dealbreakers which a person has control over (like if they choose to smoke pot or engage in illegal activities) and dealbreakers which they have no control over (like their height, weight or ethnicity). A dealbreaker's a dealbreaker, isn't it?


I would remove weight out of your list that people "have no control over". The majority of people have complete control over their weight, but are too lazy to do anything about it or care, or are so self-absorbed in being depressed about their weight, they are too far gone to do anything about it.

[KCboy]

I actually find it interesting that there is a distinction between dealbreakers which a person has control over (like if they choose to smoke pot or engage in illegal activities) and dealbreakers which they have no control over (like their height, weight or ethnicity).

since when is weight uncontrollable?

[WorkInProgress]

I would remove weight out of your list that people "have no control over". The majority of people have complete control over their weight

I agree. (Did hell just freeze over?)

Is this what the thread is going to be moving on to? (It's kinda neat...it seems that every pot thread goes right from smoking up to food. Anyone else got the munchies? ;) )

[SmilesSoSweet]

I would remove weight out of your list that people "have no control over". The majority of people have complete control over their weight, but are too lazy to do anything about it or care, or are so self-absorbed in being depressed about their weight, they are too far gone to do anything about it.

Okay, I'll agree that weight is something that one can control, but for those that have dealt with weight issues and eating disorders your entire life (like me), it's a tough battle to fight, though possible.

[LaFille]

I actually find it interesting that there is a distinction between dealbreakers which a person has control over (like if they choose to smoke pot or engage in illegal activities) and dealbreakers which they have no control over (like their height, weight or ethnicity). A dealbreaker's a dealbreaker, isn't it?

And yeah, I'll tell you where the decent guys are as soon as you tell me where the decent girls are.

i don't think i distinguish. if i like someone, i'll go out with them. if i don't, i won't. and a lot of times when i like someone there are a lot of things about them i'm not thrilled about... but i'm not about to make these things 'dealbreakers' or i'll never go on another date again! :rolleyes:

also, i think you need to give people a chance to change and evolve... i don't mean that i move right on in and try to change people, but i try not to hold someone's past against them. (unless it's an extreme circumstance like they tried to poison my mother or run over my dog.)

[wordsmith]

The fact that we're equating weight issues with the active choice to smoke pot is truly bizarre.

[old_school_soul]

The fact that we're equating weight issues with the active choice to smoke pot is truly bizarre.

How is it bizarre? It's not an active choice to eat twinkies, ho hos, fried chicken, and sit on the couch for hours on end? It's not an active choice to drink Coke for breakfast and dinner? It's not an active choice to decide not to excercise?

Show me an obese person that got that way by eating healthy.

[LaFille]

The fact that we're equating weight issues with the active choice to smoke pot is truly bizarre.
when i used to smoke often, back in college, i definitely gained weight from snacking while high. and come to think of it, i never had a boyfriend during that time. coincidence? i think not! i must have been very unappealing :rolleyes:

what does this have to do with anything? i'm not quite sure...

[wordsmith]

That's not at all the same as choosing to smoke pot. If you wanna change your lifestyle, and you quit smoking pot, as of that moment, you're no longer a pot smoker. If you're overweight and wanna change your lifestyle, it's gonna be a longass time before you're not overweight. You can't just decide one day you're not gonna be fat anymore if it's socially unacceptable and have it be so. You can totally do that if your weed problem is hindering life, though. One is an easy thing to remedy. The other is not in the same league at all. Such bullshit.

And none of this is the point.

The point is, that like on the last thread, pot smokers are offended if people find their habit unappealing.

[wordsmith]

what does this have to do with anything? i'm not quite sure...

Exactly, none of it has anything to do with anything. It's a smokescreen to avoid the issue that the thread was about, which was somebody not wanting to be with somebody with an incompatible lifestyle, and people getting bent outta shape about it.

[wordsmith]

prejudice is prejudice, no matter how long it takes to drop your 'habit'


What if it's not prejudice?

What if nobody cares if you smoke pot, they just don't want to be around it, because THEY don't like it/think it's annoying? You seem reallly hung up on "People think that potsmokers are bad, bad, bad people!!!!" and nobody said that. At most, the OP implied that guys who smoke up aren't "decent" in her subject line, and when called on it, went back and said, "Yeah, maybe that's not so accurate a thing to say." So what exactly is your complaint? Nobody on here said "People who smoke pot SUCK." Nobody's prejudiced against you, so give it up. Some of us don't share your fascination with weed. So?

Wow, even I'm bored with this thread, and I usually never get bored arguing.

:rolleyes:

[LaFille]

What if nobody cares if you smoke pot, they just don't want to be around it, because THEY don't like it/think it's annoying? You seem reallly hung up on "People think that potsmokers are bad, bad, bad people!!!!" and nobody said that. At most, the OP implied that guys who smoke up aren't "decent" in her subject line, and when called on it, went back and said, "Yeah, maybe that's not so accurate a thing to say." So what exactly is your complaint? Nobody on here said "People who smoke pot SUCK." Nobody's prejudiced against you, so give it up. Some of us don't share your fascination with weed. So?

Wow, even I'm bored with this thread, and I usually never get bored arguing.

:rolleyes:

ha ha... i don't understand why you guys are offended either. chances are if someone is vehemently against pot smoking, you won't be compatible anyways.

[old_school_soul]

That's not at all the same as choosing to smoke pot. If you wanna change your lifestyle, and you quit smoking pot, as of that moment, you're no longer a pot smoker. If you're overweight and wanna change your lifestyle, it's gonna be a longass time before you're not overweight. You can't just decide one day you're not gonna be fat anymore if it's socially unacceptable and have it be so. You can totally do that if your weed problem is hindering life, though. One is an easy thing to remedy. The other is not in the same league at all. Such bullshit.

And none of this is the point.


Actually, if you are one to believe in drug addiction as a disease, it could be very difficult to cold turkey use of a drug. It may take years to get over a drug addiction (or never). Your argument only works if someone is able to cold turkey.



The point is, that like on the last thread, pot smokers are offended if people find their habit unappealing.


I don't have to be a pot smoker to be offended any more than I have to be a gay/black/sex addicted/christian/muslim/atheist/ADD'd/acoholic/fat to be offended by someone's comments. That's silly. And fat people are offended, just as well as anyone else, when someone finds their habit unappealing.

[wordsmith]

ha ha... i don't understand why you guys are offended either. chances are if someone is vehemently against pot smoking, you won't be compatible anyways.

That's my thought, too. Lifestyle choices, people.

[old_school_soul]

Exactly, none of it has anything to do with anything. It's a smokescreen to avoid the issue that the thread was about, which was somebody not wanting to be with somebody with an incompatible lifestyle, and people getting bent outta shape about it.

The original argument that I spoke to was a matter of "decency". The thread has long digressed since then. I'm all for not being in a relationship with someone with an incompatible lifestyle.

[wordsmith]

Actually, if you are one to believe in drug addiction as a disease, it could be very difficult to cold turkey use of a drug. It may take years to get over a drug addiction (or never). Your argument only works if someone is able to cold turkey.

Isn't every pot smoker of the opinion that it's not an addiction? Isn't that what was beaten to death on the other thread? That's it's not addictive, so nobody should have a problem with it?

How many of you recreational pot smokers are seriously going to play the "But I have a disease! I can't HELP but smoke pot!" card? I'm guessing none.

(for the record, yes, I know anything is psychologically addictive, including weed...but I got shot down on the other thread for saying that, so I'm guessing nobody's gonna take up that gauntlet on this thread after shooting down on the other.)




I don't have to be a pot smoker to be offended any more than I have to be a gay/black/christian/muslim/atheist/ADD'd/acoholic/fat to be offended by someone's comments. That's silly. And fat people are offended, just as well as anyone else, when someone finds their habit unappealing.

Again, what is offensive about people saying "I don't want to date people who have habits I don't enjoy?"

And fat people are offended when they're made fun of...not when people find their pesky habit of being fat offensive. It's being ridiculed that's offensive. I didn't make fun of pot smokers. I didn't ridicule pot smokers. I'm still trying to figure out how I offended all the pot smokers simply by not preferring it or having an interest in it. I'm really sick of typing this, but I dont' give a shit if you smoke pot. I won't make fun of you, half the people I know smoke pot, big deal. I just won't date you. My call. Doesn't mean I'm making a character judgment.

[WorkInProgress]

Actually, if you are one to believe in drug addiction as a disease, it could be very difficult to cold turkey use of a drug. It may take years to get over a drug addiction (or never). Your argument only works if someone is able to cold turkey.

I thought that in the last thread, the concensus was that pot is not physically addictive.

Cross post, Words.

[KCboy]

Actually, if you are one to believe in drug addiction as a disease, it could be very difficult to cold turkey use of a drug. It may take years to get over a drug addiction (or never). Your argument only works if someone is able to cold turkey.

I wish you hadn't said that.


A lifestyle is a lifestyle, people can be with whomever they want.

I just hope everyone actually gets to know people before declaring them "indecent" or "incompatable"


EDIT: However, blanket statements are blanket statements. If a overweight person gets upset because someone says "I'd never date an overwieght person", anyone can get just as upset when someone says "I'd never date [blank]."

[wordsmith]

I just hope everyone actually gets to know people before declaring them "indecent" or "incompatable"

But, they don't, and we all know this. And they do it for ALL different reasons. I'm sure you've written people off before you know them because of one readily observable trait. Everyone has. It's not something that's limited to recreational drug habits.

[stonemonkey]

Really, why?

Because the end result is the same, whether a dealbreaker is controllable or not.

[veniqe]

So, StoneMonkey, what's your favourite colour lipgloss? Mine's pink.

[stonemonkey]

Good for you.

[veniqe]

So, are you telling me you don't have a favourite colour? :sad:

[stonemonkey]

Well I don't plan on wearing pink lipgloss.

[Honey418]

I'm not sure how you correlate "decency" with drug use. Was he blowing smoke in your face? Did he sneak mushrooms in your tea? Moral judgements on drug use alone is stupid. It's all the shit people do when they are high, or all the shit they do to get high is how you should judge them.

I agree a little drug use (weed) is a lot better than some of the nasty stuff people do behind closed doors. Everyone has a dark side and, for the most part, weed smokers are happy people

[veniqe]

I agree a little drug use (weed) is a lot better than some of the nasty stuff people do behind closed doors. Everyone has a dark side and, for the most part, weed smokers are happy people

Sure, but what's your def of a "little". And, anyone can be happy, you don't need drugs (natural or otherwise) to make you happy.
Hell, water does it for me!