Flirting to dating... how does it happen?

[ereliz33]

How does one go from flirting to dating... I seem to be stuck in a rut. I know there must be something I can do without coming on too strong... I don't want to scare him away.

[stonemonkey]

"So, got any plans for the weekend? I know this place that I've always been meaning to go to..."

[WorkInProgress]

"So, got any plans for the weekend? I know this place that I've always been meaning to go to..."
Yep, basically this. Somebody's got to just suck it up and ask the question.

[tina1979]

You just have to ask.... where are you guys flirting? work, bar, phone? maybe we can give you more of a suggestion if we know what type of environment the flirting is taking place in.

[wordsmith]

It goes from flirting to dating when both people's interest is deeper than just flirtation level. If the other person just isn't interested in anything more than that, you're unlikely to be able to get past that stage. Some people are just flirts.

[Ciderhillnh]

I always just throw into the conversation that we should go out for drinks sometime......if they say yeah we should...I leave it until the next time we talk then I suggest a time and place to head out for drinks.

Havent had this fail yet.

[KCboy]

just ask...

[LaFille]

i'm very direct with these things because i feel awkward trying to be smooth. i remember meeting one guy and saying 'you're cute, let's date' of course i was completely sloshed when i said that and would never say it otherwise... but it worked! also, i'm sort of a 'funny girl' so i sort of make light of the whole situation... then again this could get you in 'friend mode.' i guess assess the whole situation first... where did you meet him and how do you know each other?

how about:
-wanna hang out sometime?
-wanna get a drink after work?

ps-guys like it when girls ask them out in general bc it takes the pressure off of them.

[ereliz33]

It is at work, but I work in an enviornment where it is acceptable to date (in the arts). This guy is obviously trying to get my attention, but is really shy. I am also quite shy and really have never asked anyone out. This is really frustrating every day for me, because part of me just wants to ask, but most of me is terrified that he will laugh in my face.

[LaFille]

It is at work, but I work in an enviornment where it is acceptable to date (in the arts). This guy is obviously trying to get my attention, but is really shy. I am also quite shy and really have never asked anyone out. This is really frustrating every day for me, because part of me just wants to ask, but most of me is terrified that he will laugh in my face.

how about this:

make plans to treat yourself to coffee or tea or a glass of wine at a cute cafe or something, regardless of whether he's there with you. then at work, ask him if he's interested in coming with you. 'hey, i'm gonna grab a coffee after work, you want to come with?' if he says no, screw him and go anyway.

if you plan ahead that you are going regardless, you might feel more natural in making the suggestion.

[WorkInProgress]

how about this:

make plans to treat yourself to coffee or tea or a glass of wine at a cute cafe or something, regardless of whether he's there with you. then at work, ask him if he's interested in coming with you. 'hey, i'm gonna grab a coffee after work, you want to come with?' if he says no, screw him and go anyway.

if you plan ahead that you are going regardless, you might feel more natural in making the suggestion.

That's an idea.

[tina1979]

I agree with LaFille.

You can always bring up a place that you have been meaning to try for a couple of days if he shows any interest in that say "hey I finally decided I'm going to go to X place, you wanna go with?" Just make it a casual statement. There is no need to get formal with it. Thats when you start getting nervous. Ask like you would any other friend.

(of course easier said than done. I definately understand that)

[stonemonkey]

It is at work, but I work in an enviornment where it is acceptable to date (in the arts). This guy is obviously trying to get my attention, but is really shy. I am also quite shy and really have never asked anyone out. This is really frustrating every day for me, because part of me just wants to ask, but most of me is terrified that he will laugh in my face.

Do you honestly think that he's the type of guy who would blatantly laugh in your face? As a guy I can tell you that going for a coffee with somebody you work with is not coming on too strong at all.

[ereliz33]

So I've been trying to step it up a notch and I think he is responding... I just don't feel I can ask him out. I think feel like I need more proof that he is actually interested before I take the risk.

[eastcoaster782]

I'm shy as well and in the same kind of situation you're in with a guy that I've been working with the past few months. Since we both work long hours, I'm hoping that this upcoming Halloween party will give us time to hang out because we won't be thinking about work, etc.

So maybe if your office is having any type of social gathering or if you and co-workers hang out after work, you might be able to find out then if he likes you back. It will be a relaxed atmosphere with other people there, so there won't be any awkward moments. Plus you might be able to find out from other people if he's being feeling the same way.

[ereliz33]

I do have a work party this week for Halloween. I hope this gives me an opportunity to move past the work banter. I just wish he would make a move first. I know that is out dated and old fashioned, but I have never asked a guy out before.

[eastcoaster782]

I agree. I prefer guys asking girls out rather than the other way around, though I should work on building self-confidence for any social situation. Since we're both in the same boat here, let me know how things go with your guy and I'll share whatever happens with mine. Good luck, ereliz33.