Parents Help with College?

[AshleyJordan]

Just curious,
Anyone else whose parents didn't help at all with college?

[kdhmps]

My parents did not help me with college. I have 40k in student loans from undergrad and 20k from grad school, for a grand total (plus interest) somewhere around 60k. What's worse is that my dad claimed me as a "dependent" (I went to college very young), and he never had his taxed prepared on time to help me with FAFSA papers. Although I had an academic scholarship, I had to take out mostly private student loans after my freshman year of college. You can't lock in an interest rate and consolidate with private loans. All the consolidation loans have higher interest rates. I just accepted a new position, but I work in the nonprofit/social services sector making around 29k. I'm 25, and it kinda sucks. My dad did some pretty shady things---it's not like he lost a job or anything. I've gotten less bitter about it and am just trying to find my own way. I can't dwell on it, although sometimes it's hard not to...

[AshleyJordan]

Jesus. I have the same amount of debt and my (absentee) father also claimed me as a dependent and I work in the nonprofit sector, too. You're the Midwestern version of me. I'm so sorry.

[wordsmith]

Mine didn't/couldn't. They spent all of my childhood running a small business (my mom got a job outside the family business, too, but not till after I started college), and money was always tight. There wasn't always room to fully meet all our expenses in a timely manner, let along put anything away. So they didn't/couldn't save for four kids' educations.

They did "help" me in the sense that being low-income, combined with being very academically high achieving, put me in line for loads of financial aid. My parents' income level definintely helped me get money for school, but I still couldn't have gone did I not get most of it in merit-based grants and scholarships. I did have to take about 24K in loans out on my own...But that was only a small percentage of the total tuition.

[Fashionista]

Just curious,
Anyone else whose parents didn't help at all with college?
My parents did literally nothing. Although they are low income, they didn't even offer me money toward books, supplies or any money to live on when I lost my job and barely had money for food. They had some money but the way my family thinks is "if you want something you need to make it happen on your own." Pretty shitty way thinking and I can't lie and say I am not bitter over the situation either.

What really burned me up was after 9/11 they started cutting the grants and low interest loans and gave my parents a loan for $700 to cover the difference. Although $700 isn't a lot, it was a mint to me at the time because I couldn't find steady work and I was living off the meager refund. They read the paperwork and i could tell by the looks on their faces they were not gonna sign it, and they didn't so I was forced to live off of less money than before.

[CityGal]

Mine didn't help at ALL. Thank GOD for financial aid. I had absolutely NO monetary support from my parents while at school. There was only one time when my mom and aunt gave me a one month supply of food-- I lived at the dorm for over a year and all I got was ONE month...although I cannot complain at least I got that one month. ha.

[kdhmps]

Well, all I can say is sometimes I wish my last name was "Hilton." lol What frustrates me is that it wasn't a matter of "couldn't." It was more like "wouldn't." It is difficult because many are apprehensive about marrying somebody with my debt load. Now, if I were a lawyer or doctor with the debt load, that would be a different story.

[gradgirl]

My parents didn't help with college tuition, but that's really because they couldn't financially do that. If I didn't have scholarships and good financial aid, I would have been in trouble. But, now I'm kinda proud of the fact that I was able to get through undergrad without the financial help from my parents. It makes me feel more independent and successful to think that I'm getting by without depending on my parents for money (and honestly, there was no way they would have been able to support me through college, I have a LOT of siblings).

[Fashionista]

My parents didn't help with college tuition, but that's really because they couldn't financially do that.
I wouldn't expect in certain circumstances for parents to help with tuition but I am always amazed at the parent's who didn't offer some money toward books, food or something. I understand college is a choice but I would think most parents would at least *try* to help. Maybe I am just expecting too much?

[wordsmith]

I wouldn't expect in certain circumstances for parents to help with tuition but I am always amazed at the parent's who didn't offer some money toward books, food or something. I understand college is a choice but I would think most parents would at least *try* to help. Maybe I am just expecting too much?

I worked factory jobs summers to save for my book $$$ and money for incidentals,day to day living stuff during the school year...what I made in the summer was what I had to budget throughout the school year, and that's why I did factory shift work instead of the part-time, more "pleasant" jobs a lot of my friends had. I had to earn as much $$$ as possible summers, and so I needed to get all the hours I could. If I came up short for something during the school year in terms of those sorts of things, I could ask them, but I really never liked to and did it only if there were no other options, because they really couldn't spare it.

[RaeRae]

My parent's didn't help with the college bill at all... I had to cover tuition, books, etc. on my own... they built a new house instead :rolleyes:

But if I ever needed something and asked my mom for it or to pick something up for me, she'd do it no problem. They also paid my car insurance and cell phone bill, so I have no issues with it.

Now the University of New Hampshire pays my tuition bill at grad school and pays me a little over $1200/month to live off of :)

[Fashionista]

I worked factory jobs summers to save for my book $$$ and money for incidentals,day to day living stuff during the school year...what I made in the summer was what I had to budget throughout the school year, and that's why I did factory shift work instead of the part-time, more "pleasant" jobs a lot of my friends had. I had to earn as much $$$ as possible summers, and so I needed to get all the hours I could. If I came up short for something during the school year in terms of those sorts of things, I could ask them, but I really never liked to and did it only if there were no other options, because they really couldn't spare it.

i worked too and there was only 1 time i broke down and asked for money only to be told to "sell my clothes" or something to get the money i needed. In my situation there was no excuse for them not to help me, even a little bit. they always had money to eat out every night, buy bullshit that they never used, go to football games all why i struggled. Even my father's girlfriend was digusted at the fact that my dad didn't offer anything, even when he DID have it.

although i should not be suprised because my family is just "funny" like that i still think they could have done something outside of working against me every step of the way of me getting my BA.(like refusing to sign the FASA forms or trying to lie on them, refusing to let me stay home on school breaks, etc) I think they know it too, which is why they will be quick to offer me something now when i have more means to get stuff whereas before i had no means to get anything.

[wordsmith]

My family is very different than that, in that, if they have it, they'll give it willingly, esp. to their kids. But they just didn't/don't have it. They live modestly, because that's what they can afford. They don't, and never did, prioritize other expenditures over family.

They actually have always had a lot of bad guilt feelings tied up in the fact that they COULDN'T pay for mine or my siblings' schooling. I tell them not to worry about it, it's not like it's their obligation. They feel like it was, though.

[Spinney]

My parents didn't help either. They divorced when I was 8 and I stayed with my dad, who simply did not have the income to help. We lived only a few blocks from the university, but in a very economically depressed area...he had been looking for reliable work for years and had to make some really risky financial moves to make sure that we didn't lose the house. I was able to stay at home for the first 4 years at least, until student loans would give me a living allowance. (not that I was kicked out or anything, my dad was strongly against it...but at 22 years old I just couldn't stay at home anymore).

My mom on the other hand I found out had gotten most of my dad's retirement savings in the divorce, and had basically been relying on other people to support her ever since. She claimed she didn't have the money to help, but right now she's making plans to buy a house in Vancouver, close to an neighborhood that has one of if not the most expensive housing markets in the country.

And all this time I was digging myself into an impossible pit of debt, working a min wage job that gave me around $5.50 an hour.

No I'm not bitter at all :huge:

[winneythepooh7]

At $70K in debt for college myself, I wonder if I will ever be able to help out if I ever have children myself (I mean, at least with their tuition--not books or groceries). I also work in a traditionally low-paying field (probably not as low to qualify my future kids for lots of financial aid). It seriously makes me feel really sad to hear about families that could help out their kids (at least with groceries for Pete's sake!) but do not. I mean, I don't think that extra $100 a month is going to break these parents, especially if they are off buying houses. I could understand drawing the line on supplying children with a constant flow of beer and going out money, but c'mon..........that's seriously F*ed up if you're child is starving and you have the means but don't help out. I mean, college is one of the main ways for a child to become financially independent down the road. Parents should help out if only a little tiny bit if they have the means IMO.

[wordsmith]

I agree. I feel like if families ARE in a position to help their children, they should (help, not necessarily shoulder the bulk of the load). I know not everyone agrees, and I certainly know parents who are of the "My kid turns 18, he or she's on her own, sink or swim," mentality. But that's not me.

[ScottyTheBody]

My parents didn't/haven't really help me pay for university.

[winneythepooh7]

I agree. I feel like if families ARE in a position to help their children, they should (help, not necessarily shoulder the bulk of the load). I know not everyone agrees, and I certainly know parents who are of the "My kid turns 18, he or she's on her own, sink or swim," mentality. But that's not me.

This kind of thinking is never positive IMO (the sink or swim mentality). Also many people who have these kind of parents, who should probably be eligible for more financial aid and what not, won't be, based on the family's financial status. Not to change the subject too much, but this is another thing that bugs me about where I work. Plenty of my clients come from affluent families, or at least middle-class families that should be able to financially assist with some of the "burden". But many families don't. They expect the "state" to pick up the tab. And then when it gets to a point, where the client has spent all the money alloted to them, and we have to ask them to "look for other resources, like their FAMILY, they get pissed off at us, and understandably so. With a family like that who needs enemies?

[Kitty]

My parents helped out as much as they could and took out some loans to help me. I have no idea how much the whole thing cost (tuition, books, rent, food, etc.) but I paid for about 20k of it.

[Krishna]

My parents paid like 95% of it for me. Looking back I almost wish they hadnt offered to do that up front.

[wordsmith]

Why, out of curiosity?

[Krishna]

Why, out of curiosity?

I was acutally just talking about this with them not too long ago. I think it made me a little too cavalier about my education. That isn't to say I blew it off, but I definately didn't feel any real sense of ownership for it. I'm not saying they shouldnt have helped at all, but I didn't feel any real hardship during college. Looking back, I wish they'd have gone 50/50 with me up front. Then, when I was done, they could have reimbursed me if they really wanted to help that much. Plus, having them pay for so much of my school left me feeling like I had no control of my life, just like I feel no control over my life now that I'm done and living at home with them. I think working my way through would have made me more driven. Yes, it would have been a pain in the ass, but it also might have saved me some massive frustration in the long run.



I don't know if that made any sense.

[wordsmith]

I was acutally just talking about this with them not too long ago. I think it made me a little too cavalier about my education. That isn't to say I blew it off, but I definately didn't feel any real sense of ownership for it. I'm not saying they shouldnt have helped at all, but I didn't feel any real hardship during college. Looking back, I wish they'd have gone 50/50 with me up front. Then, when I was done, they could have reimbursed me if they really wanted to help that much. Plus, having them pay for so much of my school left me feeling like I had no control of my life, just like I feel no control over my life now that I'm done and living at home with them. I think working my way through would have made me more driven. Yes, it would have been a pain in the ass, but it also might have saved me some massive frustration in the long run.



I don't know if that made any sense.

Actually, yeah, it does to me. Not to say that anybody who didn't pay for their own education (outta pocket or via aid and loans they personally took out) isn't going to rightfully feel ownership of their own education, but, yeah, I do understand what you're getting at. Mostly from being the antithesis of what you describe.

I was the opposite extreme...I couldn't have been any LESS cavalier about my education...actually, to the point where my parents were calling me and begging me at different points to go out more and let loose and quit stressing because they thought I was gonna melt down from pushing myself too hard. I was driven, sure, but that's not a good extreme place to be, either. But at the time, I was 18 years old, and making the single-most large financial investment of my entire life, and was petrified of dropping the ball and screwing it up, so I went to the opposite extreme. In the end, I definitely feel a sense of whole ownership over my ed, and feel as if I did right by my investment, and didn't waste my time or money...I feel I milked everything out of the experience possible. I may have done that had my parents paid in part, too, because it's really just my personality type, but who's to say, really. I may not have taken it as seriously had it not been my own financial investment. I just couldn't see myself, though, taking out that kind of money to go to college, and look back on it and think of anything as time I wasted.

[Spinney]

That's just it too, I never expected my mom to pay for my tuition or anything...but even just $500 a year would have gone a hell of a long way. At least then I could have bought some new clothes and maybe actually gone out for dinner once every few months. I don't understand why some people are so tightfisted with their own family. My mom's grandfather is like that too, and apparently even went after my cousin (when she was 12) for money he loaned to her mother.

If you're well off enough to have the spare cash just lying around the least you can do is put some of it to good use.

[kdhmps]

I wouldn't be so bitter if my parents just couldn't help me for legitimate reasons. But I feel it was more of a "wouldn't" than "couldn't" scenario. Looking back, I was so young when I began college (just turned 17) and didn't know much about credit and finances. I have excellent credit, but I won't be able to live on my own because of the high student loan payments and being in social services. I have been training for the public/nonprofit sector, and I've tried to find lucrative employment elsewhere---but even corporate America doesn't pay very well these days! I know someday, these problems won't exist for me, but it is tough when you are trying to get started in life and start with such a burden.

[wordsmith]

Believe me, I know that. I've been in two different career sectors since getting my degree - noprofit social work and journalism, two of the lowest paying professional areas of employment that exist, period. It is NOT easy to establish yourself financially when that's the income that you're looking at, particularly when you're staring down the barrel of sizeable student loans. It takes a LOT of sacrifice. In my case, I've sacrificed everything that goes with living in a populous locale, in the interest of living someplace I can actually afford. It would be nice not to have about 90% of locations I'd like to move to automatically ruled out as unaffordable for a person of my income/debt ratio, but that's just kind of how life goes.

[winneythepooh7]

Believe me, I know that. I've been in two different career sectors since getting my degree - noprofit social work and journalism, two of the lowest paying professional areas of employment that exist, period. It is NOT easy to establish yourself financially when that's the income that you're looking at, particularly when you're staring down the barrel of sizeable student loans. It takes a LOT of sacrifice. In my case, I've sacrificed everything that goes with living in a populous locale, in the interest of living someplace I can actually afford. It would be nice not to have about 90% of locations I'd like to move to automatically ruled out as unaffordable for a person of my income/debt ratio, but that's just kind of how life goes.

Not to mention that I personally do not feel qualified to do anything else (besides Social Work) and I probably have already topped out financially in my field and make more at this then I could probably starting out entry-level somewhere else in another field..........if that makes any sense as well......

[lonestar]

I started at Northeastern University, which was way too expensive to cover with financial aid, so my dad paid. After I told him I didn't want to continue there, he told me to apply at the local state university (SUNY Buffalo) and take out my own financial aid. I had to declare independant status to do that, because his income would have prevented me from recieving any subsidized loan money. So that's what I did.

My mom and dad had divorced about four years prior to this, so she was still trying to build a career after being a homemaker for so long...the alimony she recieved wasn't really enough to help pay for college, so I did most of my undergraduate $ on my own. I haven't discussed with my dad if I owe him for the Northeaster tuition he paid (two semesters at $32,000 per including room and board and tuition in the heart of boston).

[kdhmps]

I know the feeling of being qualified to only work in the nonprofit social services sector. I have a bachelor's degree in political science and a master's in public services and public policy. My only other option seems to be law school (more debt-eeks-that would amount to at least 180k). I have looked in other sectors. Sometimes I don't even understand the job descriptions. Other times I know I could do the job, but I don't have the right education. I love the nonprofit sector, but I would love it more with a winning lotto ticket. ha ha I live with my parents, and I am 25. What happens five years from now when I am still in debt, haven't been able to save because I am paying back loans, and I am too old to live at home?! Some think I am too old to live at home and should be able to support myself. They tell me I could if I really wanted to... Sure, if I wanted to work two full-time jobs-- maybe! I am considering a second job, part-time. That won't be fun.

[asm198]

I got $300 a month from my parents to pay for rent and utilities. This was per an agreement we made in which I would agree to go to a school close to them, rather than moving far away. Pell grants paid for my tuition and books and they were willing to pay for my room and board. It was cheaper to live in an apartment with my boyfriend than it was to live on campus, so they were willing to pay for my half of the bills. They didn't want me to work in college, otherwise I would have paid it myself.

I actually got a job my second year of school. I actually called them from a payphone on campus to ask if it was ok with them/a good idea. The reason I got a job was so that they wouldn't have to pay for stuff anymore, but they insisted.

Neither of my parents went to college and it was important to them that I had an opportunity to get an education and they were willing to help out. Dad always said that getting an education was supposed to be my priority and that they worked as hard as they did to ensure that I got one, unlike them.

I was incredibly lucky and grateful that they were willing to help me out. I know that not every parent can do that for their kids. I never could have went to college if it wasn't for their help and our family circumstances. It's complicated, but because of our family situation, I didn't have to take out any student loans until my third year and the two I took out were mistakes.

[DontHate]

My family is very different than that, in that, if they have it, they'll give it willingly, esp. to their kids. But they just didn't/don't have it. They live modestly, because that's what they can afford. They don't, and never did, prioritize other expenditures over family.

They actually have always had a lot of bad guilt feelings tied up in the fact that they COULDN'T pay for mine or my siblings' schooling. I tell them not to worry about it, it's not like it's their obligation. They feel like it was, though.
That's pretty much how my parents are. They just don't have the money to give, but if they did they would be more than willing to help out. Actually, I think providing for myself has helped me become more self sufficient. It always tickles me to hear my classmates complaining that mommy and daddy won't help out with parking tickets, cell phone bills, etc.