Is it bad to be a tease? [Archive]

Honey418

10-20-2006, 10:53 PM

So I went on 2 dates with this guy I was totally crushing on and on the third date he asked me inside. I decided to go (knowing we would hook up). So we hooked up- rolled around in bed (clothes on) and kissed for couple of hours and then fell asleep. I know he was super turned on but I didn't feel like doing anything else. Now it's been two weeks and still haven't heard from this guy- what's his deal? All I can think of is that I crushed his little ego or maybe this is super inappropriate third date behavior? I just don't know. Need advice.

stonemonkey

10-21-2006, 01:00 AM

I don't know if being a tease is bad or not, but it sure as hell beats doing something you're not ready for.

SunDevil

10-21-2006, 01:27 AM

It doesn't sound like you were a tease to me. Maybe if this same thing happened the next 10 dates...

veniqe

10-21-2006, 04:02 AM

You don't have to do something you're not ready for.

stonemonkey

10-21-2006, 05:01 AM

It doesn't sound like you were a tease to me. Maybe if this same thing happened the next 10 dates...

Well yeah, most guys I think would get frustrated and give up if he was repeatedly led to believe it would happen only to be proven otherwise. It's a "boy who cried wolf" kinda thing.

Brillo25

10-21-2006, 05:08 AM

stonemonkey

10-21-2006, 05:21 AM

Making out with a guy for a long time on the third date but not going all the way is NOT being a tease. Sounds absolutely normal.

At the risk of making a broad, meaningless generalisation, what's the maximum number of dates before doing that WOULD be considered teasing?

Brillo25

10-21-2006, 05:41 AM

I don't have any idea what the number would be, but I'm just saying one experience like this, on just the third date, isn't being a tease. This soon, I would probably see it as a step forward with intimacy, with more likely to happen next time. Regularly doing this same thing but not going further, numerous dates down the road, would get frustrating and possibly bring out the "tease" label (if, that is, you haven't discussed the issue and agreed there will be no sex for a long time even if you're fooling around fully clothed). But unless there's been some agreement about boundaries, if it's the third date and I'm rolling around on the bed with the girl and making out for hours and we don't go further, I would likely look forward to going somewhat further the next time, hopefully.

stonemonkey

10-21-2006, 06:19 AM

if it's the third date and I'm rolling around on the bed with the girl and making out for hours and we don't go further, I would likely look forward to going somewhat further the next time, hopefully.

Yeah, I agree with you on that one, I would be just as frustrated as the next guy. It's just that on the other hand, she shouldn't feel pressured into doing something she doesn't want to simply because the guy expects it.

Brillo25

10-21-2006, 06:29 AM

Yeah, I agree with you on that one, I would be just as frustrated as the next guy. It's just that on the other hand, she shouldn't feel pressured into doing something she doesn't want to simply because the guy expects it.
Absolutely. It's natural to expect if you reach a certain point of intimacy on the third date, you'll probably go a bit further on the fourth or fifth. But she should set the boundaries of how far she's comfortable with going and he should respect that, regardless of whether or not he expects it to go further based on how far it went last time.

dengeist

10-21-2006, 11:29 AM

I don't think it's right to judge either party with the amount of details we know here. Things can happen on the first date or the sixty-second. Obviously, the guy had a misunderstanding. So why not just call him and see where he's at?

Krishna

10-21-2006, 01:24 PM

Making out with a guy for a long time on the third date but not going all the way is NOT being a tease. Sounds absolutely normal.

Am I a tease because I didnt sleep with my boyfriend for a year? :rolleyes:

WorkInProgress

10-21-2006, 01:25 PM

Am I a tease because I didnt sleep with my boyfriend for a year? :rolleyes:
Not if it was part of the understanding.

Honey418

10-21-2006, 01:39 PM

That doesn't sound like inappropriate third-date behavior at all, and if he's not going to speak to you because on the third date you made out for two hours with your clothes on and he wanted more, there's something wrong with him. Making out with a guy for a long time on the third date but not going all the way is NOT being a tease. Sounds absolutely normal.

Thanks Brillo. That's what I thought too, but now I am starting to wonder. This third date makeout sess has happened to me on more than one occassion (maybe twice in college too) and all three time with the same result (no call back). It's like I want to know if I click with this person physically but am not ready to go all the way on the third date. So I guess I thought a makeout session was a good test to see if we would click but it is obviously bad for some reason (it results in no call back). Do most people not hook up until they are ready to go all the way? Should I just assume that a test run is a dealbreaker?

Krishna

10-21-2006, 01:59 PM

Not if it was part of the understanding.

I suppose it was, though I know he wanted more way earlier than I did.

SunDevil

10-21-2006, 02:41 PM

There is the three date rule that 'some' guys adhere to. Basically if you are a popular guy and can get sex fairly easily, there isn't a point to waste time and money to try and get a girl who isn't easy. Further more, if the girl isn't sexually crazy for you by the third date, she may never be. She might not have any intention of having sex with you and is just using you.
(Note to girls on this board: yes I know there are plenty of examples where this isn't the case, and most guys don't want easy girls)

The other opinion is that it is a test, if the girl really like you, then she will call you and setup the fourth date. The guy might see himself as desperate if he is doing all of the planning and date setting, while the girl just shows up. The guy can't tell if a girl really likes him or is just attracted to what date ideas he has come up with unless the girl makes a move and suggests something. It also means the girl loses some power in the relationship by being the one who puts her ego on the line.

wordsmith

10-22-2006, 02:20 PM

Further more, if the girl isn't sexually crazy for you by the third date, she may never be. She might not have any intention of having sex with you and is just using you.
(Note to girls on this board: yes I know there are plenty of examples where this isn't the case, and most guys don't want easy girls)

Keep in mind that just because somebody's not having sex with you at a given time, that doesn't mean they're not attracted or aren't interested. I dont' think it's accurate to say that if girl won't sleep with you on the third date, she's probably just not attracted. I think that'd be a mistake.

Krishna

10-22-2006, 03:04 PM

Keep in mind that just because somebody's not having sex with you at a given time, that doesn't mean they're not attracted or aren't interested. I dont' think it's accurate to say that if girl won't sleep with you on the third date, she's probably just not attracted. I think that'd be a mistake.

Agreed. I make guys keep their mouse in the house much longer than 3 days. That doesnt mean that I'm not attracted to them, it just means that I personally don't sleep with people quickly.

yaddayadda99

10-23-2006, 12:19 AM

"He just wasn't that into you". And you know what? You will find so much better - and he will move at your pace with no qualms about it.

dddork

10-23-2006, 12:27 PM

waiting for a yr better be worth it..

wordsmith

10-23-2006, 12:30 PM

I have been with somebody for a relatively short period of time before doing the deed, and I've been with somebody for as long as seven or eight months. It's entirely dependent upon timing, the progression/level of the relationship...with the guy where I waited longest, it was a case of our relationship not being that intense until a bit further in...we dated very casually for quite some time, and I'm not much interested in sex with casual dates. He was fine, I was attracted...but timingwise, that's just not where our relationship was. In cases where it's happened sooner, those have been cases where the connection was much more intense and focused much earlier on, not something that started as casual dating and stayed there for a long time.

Krishna

10-23-2006, 01:58 PM

waiting for a yr better be worth it..

lol. I know waiting for me for a year is worth it. ;):

shimma

10-23-2006, 02:15 PM

1. OP is not a tease.

2. There is no "magic formula for when a woman owes a man sex.

OP - if I were you, I'd just have said (when I was invited to his house) "Look, I just want you to understand, I like you/am enjoying our time together, but I'm not ready to have sex with you yet." If he totally flips his lid over that, then he sucks and good thing you found out early on.

Kitty

10-23-2006, 02:18 PM

Maybe he just didn't like you? Sorry to sound harsh, but it doesn't sound like you were a tease at all.

Deavan

10-23-2006, 02:18 PM

Kitty

10-23-2006, 02:21 PM

Did he even imply that he wanted to have sex? Or make a move that you had to turn down?

I'm sorry, but I feel like I'm really missing something here.

coll214

10-23-2006, 03:24 PM

I'm taking it since this was the third date, that it was your first significant makeout session? I don't see that as being a tease; like others have said if that happened continously and never went farther then maybe but not that early on... I went out with a guy that pulled the same crap except this was the fourth date, I never heard from him again and good riddance, a guy who stops calling b/c he didn't get laid the first time you went out with him just isn't worth it!