Talking on the Phone

[Jersey_Steve]

How do I get myself out of protracted phone conversations with my girlfriend?

Basically, I Hate talking on the phone. Capital H. To me, the phone is something nice that can confirm plans. My ideal phone conversation goes like this, "Hey, what's the plan? Ok, so we're gonna meet at the place at 8? Great, see you then." Click. Done, nice and simple.

Not with the girlfriend though. She has to go on and on and on about the most pointless shit over the phone, it's like this huge waste of time with talk so small i can't remember ever saying a word. (cookie goes to the first person who knows where that line came from)

I typically indulge her for 15 minutes or so before I make something up and tell her I have to go. And I can tell she's a little upset because she wants to talk to me. And, please don't get me wrong, I love talking to her as well. We can have great conversations.

But, when we talk on the phone, there's like nothing. It's like we're just saying random stuff just to keep the conversation going. And even then, there's still long stretches of silence.

So how do I get her off the phone quickly and not get her upset?

[wordsmith]

Spend more time with her, maybe?

If there's no real reason to be on the phone (i.e. nothing much to talk about, long pauses/silences), she might just be calling to "spend time" with you, and maybe that's time that would be better spent in person. Maybe she just feels attention-starved (whether she actually is attention-starved or not, I don't know how much time you spend with her, but what matters is that she might FEEL she needs additional attention).

I'm not big on the phone at all, myself, either. I use it as something utilitarian. If I use it to socialize, it's only to socialize with people who live prohibitively far away to socialize with in person. I only have chatty, conversational phone convos with people who live states away and with whom I'm just keeping in touch. I don't have long, chatty phone convos with nearby SOs (thought I have in LDRs past,obviously), because I'd rather just hang out than talk on the phone about nothing just to "spend time together."

*Edit - also, you're most likely NOT going to want to let your GF know, either explicitly or implicitly, that you consider talking to her to be a waste of your time, whether it's on the phone about trivial things, or in person and about vastly more important things. You might think it. Saying it is a bad plan, though.

[Krishna]

She has to go on and on and on about the most pointless shit over the phone, it's like this huge waste of time with talk so small i can't remember ever saying a word. (cookie goes to the first person who knows where that line came from)
Saturday Night (Eve 6), now give me my cookie.

How do I get myself out of protracted phone conversations with my girlfriend?...I typically indulge her for 15 minutes or so before I make something up and tell her I have to go. And I can tell she's a little upset because she wants to talk to me. And, please don't get me wrong, I love talking to her as well. We can have great conversations.

Um...is this your only form of contact with her on a daily basis? Because when I lived in a different city and saw my boyfriend maybe twice a month, I used the phone as my lifeline. Online conversations have the meaning/context get lost in cyberspace, and simply not talking to him wasn't an option. It was the only way to stay "close" without actually being close. If you're dead set on getting her to not talk so long, I vote for being honest: "honey, I love you and I love talking to you, but I can't talk on the phone for so long, it just isnt my thing." Lying and/or telling her flat out that it's a waste of your time will only piss her off more (as it did me).

[wordsmith]

Online conversations have the meaning/context get lost in cyberspace, and simply not talking to him wasn't an option. It was the only way to stay "close" without actually being close.

Tangent, but I'm the opposite. If distance is a factor, I prefer online to phone. Possibly b/c I'm a writer by nature. Also b/c I can do it discreetly while working. Also b/c I'm pretty good at communicating my meaning, and not letting things get lost in interpretation.

[Jersey_Steve]

*gives Krishna a peanut butter cookie* Nice, another Eve 6 fan.

Actually, we're together a good 4 days out of the week. She lets me go to the gym the other 3, which is pretty nice. Distance isn't an issue, she's like 10 minutes away from me, one town over. So I don't think it's a time or distance thing.

She knows I'm not a big phone person, and respects that, but it doesn't really stop her very much. Like I talked to her for about 15 minutes before I was like "I'm not really in the mood to talk right now." Mostly because I wasn't feeling well, but I didn't want to tell her because it may or may not have been her who got me sick.

I like to hear her voice, but our phone conversations are just like random tangents for a while because there's usually nothing new to talk about.

[winneythepooh7]

My fiance is the same way. Before we lived together, I think we just called each other up out of habit, not that there was anything new and earth-shattering to discuss. It can be a security-thing too though. At least for me.......if I didn't hear from him at least once or twice a day I got worried, just because I was so used to hearing from him that much. I think it's fine to let her know you are not into talking on the phone, and would rather keep phone convos short and sweet and to the point.

[wordsmith]

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, nice.

Based on your last post ("'lets me' go to the gym, maybe somebody else got me sick," red flag, bells, whistles), your girlfriend wanting to talk on the phone all the time is NOT really the problem, here, am I right?

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeez.

[Chameleon]

Actually, we're together a good 4 days out of the week. She lets me go to the gym the other 3, which is pretty nice. Distance isn't an issue, she's like 10 minutes away from me, one town over. So I don't think it's a time or distance thing.

She "lets" you? Sounds like she's your parole officer. How long have you been together? Do either of you spend time with your respective friends and/or have a life outside of each other? Sulking is pretty immature especially if you aren't really saying anything. Maybe if you actually had somewhere else to be or something to do maybe it'd be easier to get off the phone?

[Krishna]

She "lets" you? Sounds like she's your parole officer. How long have you been together? Do either of you spend time with your respective friends and/or have a life outside of each other? Sulking is pretty immature especially if you aren't really saying anything. Maybe if you actually had somewhere else to be or something to do maybe it'd be easier to get off the phone?

That is sending up some red flags. I was used to hearing from and/or talking online to my boyfriend at least once a day. Yes, we missed some days, but I just liked being in contact. I tried to call several times a week, because I liked hearing his voice, though that ended up being a frustration because I could hear him playing games in the background more often than not. (tangent, but I hated the amount of games he played, and still hate how much time he puts into those).

Right now the problem is that although I talk to him daily, I am back to living near him, and still don't see him that often- maybe 1 day a week (2 tops). He's upset now because I don't stay overnight with him during the week (by the time I got done with work, went home, organized my life/packed clothes for the next day and got back to his place, I'd have about 2 hours of "awake time" before I went to bed, and then I'd just end up feeling like a booty call. I'd be back out the door 2 hours before he was even awake). Meanwhile, he has "booked" like 4 of the next 5 weekends, and the one weekend he hasn't booked with other comittments is apparently about to be booked w/ something else unrelated to me. :0

[Jersey_Steve]

Haha, perhaps "lets me" isn't the best way to put it. I meant it more like "she doesn't go psycho-crazy when I say I'm going to the gym and can't see her tonight." Perhaps it's just been me, but the other gfs I've had have been psychotic bitches who wouldn't let me do anything that didn't involve them. Which included going to the gym.

So it is pretty nice she lets me have my own life, it's more than I can say for a lot of women I've dealt with.

Despite what you people seem to think, there really aren't any problems. She's certainly not domineering, as we still have seperate lives. She has her friends from college and I have mine and we still go out seperately.

I just hate prolonged talking on the phone to anyone. Just figured someone here might have had a good way to get out of it.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar ;)

[kipper]

I hate the phone too! The guy I'm seeing seems to hate it too which makes for random funny calls like hey see ya later, whats up ok bye. :)

[GoogleGirl]

I just got off the phone with my bf. It really sucks because we are long distance from each other, and I get the sense (sorta) that he doesn't like long phone conversations. I don't mind the quick conversations when you can see the person regularly, but when it's long distance...I only have the phone. So it's just a bummer that my convos with my bf can sometimes be kinda awkward. bah.

[BOLD]

Mostly because I wasn't feeling well, but I didn't want to tell her because it may or may not have been her who got me sick.

Are we talking food poisoning, or an STD? As far as your problem goes, just because she's not as bad as some of the girls you've dated doesn't make her a good match. But if staying with her is what you want, here are couple tricks to get you off the phone quickly:

* press the "test" button on your smoke alarm.
* tell her you have diarrhea (works on speeding tickets too)

[wordsmith]

Here's something awesome that works for me, since I don't like talking on the phone: I don't answer the phone.

[LaFille]

when i'm having a bad phone conversation, depending on who i'm talking to, i just like to say 'this conversation is going nowhere.' of course i'd only say that to good friends or my mom or something, but normally it's a funny way to end a conversation. unfortunately, the people who are the most boring to talk to are always the ones who would get offended and not think it was funny at all :rolleyes:

otherwise, i'd say just let it be known to your SO that you don't like phone conversations. there are a ton of people out there that don't like them so it's not like some weird characteristic.

[Chameleon]

As far as your problem goes, just because she's not as bad as some of the girls you've dated doesn't make her a good match.

Agreed. I'm glad your taste in psychotic bitches has improved, Jersey_Steve, but you aren't necesarily out of the woods yet.

She knows I'm not a big phone person, and respects that, but it doesn't really stop her very much.
How can she "respect" the fact that you aren't a phone person and still keep you on the phone talking about nothing long enough for you to feel literally sick of talking to her?

Maybe you could try "The Rules" egg timer trick for getting off the phone or fake having an incoming call or fake a faulty cell reception or try boring HER to death with useless trivia or start doing something else that takes up the brain power being wasted on the phone since telling her that you have to go and hanging up the phone doesn't seem to be an option. You could also ask her directly if there was anything in particular she wanted to talk about and if she can't come up with something that hasn't been rehashed a million times, tell her you have to go.