Grandparents

[SmilesSoSweet]

The Thanksgiving travel thread got me thinking about grandparents. Some of you still have at least one if not all sets of grandparents still around. Even some of my much older co-workers still have at least a grandparent living. I'm almost 28 and I don't have any left.

By the time I was 20, I had lost my last grandparent. I really only knew my dad's parents. They lived with us for a year or so when they first arrived here and they were like my second set of parents. I didn't even call them Grandma and Grandpa, but basically called them Mom and Dad in Tagalog (Filipino). My mom's mom passed away when she was teenager. I only met my mom's dad when I was three, and I don't remember him at all. He died about 12 years ago at the age of 81. My dad's mom died 13 years ago at 69 and my dad's dad died almost 8 years ago at the age of 79. Only my mom's step mom is still around, but I don't really know her and the connection isn't there like my dad's parents were to me. They were the ones I couldn't disappoint.

How many of you still have grandparents around? I really do miss having them around at times, especially when I hear about others and their grandparents and of course during the holidays.

[Ciderhillnh]

I have one grandparent left. I don’t know her well and she is 89 and is delusional and an all around bitch…..no one in the family can stand having to deal with her.

My grandfather, her husband, died 3 years ago. I was kind of close with him, but only as close as one can be living in different countries speaking 3 times a year and seeing one another once a year at most.

My Dads parents died when I was a kid. My grandfather, or Papa when I was 6 of a heart attack. And my grandmother died when I was 10 of cancer, I was most close with her since I was at their house almost every day growing up, and saw them every weekend.

[wordsmith]

My grandfathers are both gone. One I never knew, I was four months old when he died, and the other died summer before last following ten years of battling congestive heart failure and the accompanying depression.

I have two grandmas left, but really only one, because the other is in late stage Alzheimer's, so she's been really basically gone for probably about four years, now, as in she can't recognize anyone, react, or interact as my grandma. I was extremely close to her, so it's not an easy thing.

Thanksgiving is hard for me, and Christmas, too, because my extended family always spent them at the home of the grandma with Alzheimer's, for more than 25 years of my life. Now that she's "gone," the traditions evaporated, the extended family doesn't even get together. It's like grandma was the glue. My immediate family has started some nice traditions to fill the gap left behind, but I can't help but be sad that that era has passed.

My other grandma has been kind of like an orphan since my grandfather died just over a year ago. Rather than her being the matriarch and taking care of all of us, hosting things, etc., which had been the norm, she's now the person you have over and take care of.

I feel like due to death and my other grandma's disease, my holidays have changed a lot from what they were, and it's odd and sad.

[SmilesSoSweet]

Now that she's "gone," the traditions evaporated, the extended family doesn't even get together. It's like grandma was the glue.

My grandfather (dad's dad) definitely was the glue in our family as well. We even joke around and say that we're the Royal Family because he was really big on making sure his surname will carry on. But the extended family still gets together as much as we can. (Hence our continued tradition of Thanksgiving.) Even the grandchildren (my first cousins) will get together on our own (like our annual Vegas trips) because we're a tight knit family. Out of the 20 grandkids, 13 of us grew up in California with 10 of us just living within a three mile radius of each other for most of our childhood.

Without my grandparents being around growing up, I don't think my family (dad's side) would be as close as we are til this day.) I think it did help that most of my cousins lived in the same city as my grandparents did too, so it was always easy to get together.

[cheshrcarol]

I have 4 grandparents that are alive, one is dead. I know that probably sounds like funny math. My biological grandfather on my dad's side died when my dad was 16. My grandmother re-married a few years after (and long before I was born) and he has been a grandfather to me my entire life. I'm actually closer to him than my other grandfather. And the rest of my grandparents are still living. Although I know that probably won't be the case too much longer. My other grandfather has had 2 strokes (and considering he's doing pretty ok) and one of my grandmothers has progressing alzheimer's.

I've always been close to my grandparents and I know I'm going to have a very hard time dealing with their deaths. Especially since I haven't had any close family members pass away since I was really young.

ETA: I also worry about what holidays will be like after my one grandma passes away, because I have a feeling she's the glue too :sad: .

[wordsmith]

My grandfather was the first close relative I had pass away (other than the other grandfather, but I was an infant), and I was 28, Carol. It was rough.

[CTGirl]

I'm 24 and have been without any grandparents for about a year now.

In my family, everyone dies of cancer, usually in our 80s, so that's the reason for me not having any grandparents left :sad:

[cheshrcarol]

I"m having all this guilt recently too, because my grandparents want me to come see them in FL (grandma w/alzheimer's) since I'm not working and it's so depressing that I'm not sure if I can handle it by myself. I used to be so close to them and they just changed so much. And yet, I do want to visit while there's still an opportunity and while she knows who I am, even if she can't remember my name. Ugh. Depressing topic.

[Kitty]

I don't have any of my grandparents around and it sucks :(

I was close to all of them, but especially close to my Dad's mom. They used to live right next door to us, so she was right there for me as I was growing up. I used to have breakfast with her every single morning and we'd play boardgames all the time. She also taught me how to swim. When she died it was unexpected and a major watershed moment for me...

[SmilesSoSweet]

I was really close to my dad's mom, too. She would always fix my hair every morning for school when they lived with us. When my grandparents went back to The Philippines for vacation, my dad took time off from work to get us kids ready in the mornings (my mom worked full time too, my dad was in the Navy). I cried every morning while my grandparents were gone because my dad attempted to fix my hair in the mornings and he couldn't fix it like my grandma could. She died when I was 13. I've forgotten a few things about her, and I don't want to forget. And I'm started to forget things about my grandpa. Usually I'll go visit him at the cemetary when I'm home. My grandma is buried in The Philippines.

Sadly though, I was almost 9 when I first knew a close relative had died. My cousin on my mom's side was 12 when he died. But that's another story.

I didn't mean to make this thread sound depressing, but I was just curious to know who still has their grandparents around.

[coll214]

I only have my grandmothers left; though one is still functioning. My maternal g-ma used to help out my mother when she could like when my sister had surgery but now she's literally waiting to die- her words; it's sad... she's 86. But her siblings (she's the youngest of 12) pretty much all lived well into their 90's. My grandfather died when I was 6 from a heart attack, so I only have a few memories of him.

My paternal grandma OTOH has a bigger social life than I do at 83; between vacations, her friends, and her sports. Since she's moved back here from AZ, i've become close to her... she's the one who recently taught me to quilt as she had one of my cousins as well. My grandfather died when I was 19 from complications of emphysema and bone cancer. He'd been in poor health most of my life though as he'd had 2 heart attacks and a stroke before I was even born, was a brittle diabetic and liked his chewing tobacco.

In both cases though g-ma is the one that brings the families together for the most part. Especially with my father's mother, as all my relatives (incl. me) are estranged from him- despite living in the same town.

[wordsmith]

I don't have any of my grandparents around and it sucks :(

I was close to all of them, but especially close to my Dad's mom. They used to live right next door to us, so she was right there for me as I was growing up. I used to have breakfast with her every single morning and we'd play boardgames all the time. She also taught me how to swim. When she died it was unexpected and a major watershed moment for me...

This is the same as me, in terms of my grandma with Alzheimer's. 18 years of her being my neighbor, me at her house daily, playing board games, spending the night. My school bus driver would even let me off at her house if I asked, which wasn't even really legal.

[WorkInProgress]

I'm pretty fortunate, when it comes to grandparents. I've got 4 still living (3 blood relatives). I lost my grandfather and my great-grandmother (his mom) the summer after my freshman year of college. He had very aggressive cancer, and lived less than 2 months after the diagnosis (although I suspect he'd had it for a while and just didn't go see a doctor). She was in her nineties and had been declining for a few years. My mom was the one taking care of both of them (and their stuff) at the end, though both had to be moved into a hospice facility before they died. It was a very rough time for her, but didn't affect me much (which is kinda sad, I think), except for the impact through her.

I've still got my grandmother and my step-grandfather on one side and both of my grandparents on the other side, and, generally, all are in pretty good health at the moment. I live near none of them, and except for a short stint where I lived with one set, I've never even lived near them. I should call them. Thanks for reminding me, SSS.

[tina1979]

My dad's mom died when I was 16 or 17. His dad is still living, he is in his early 80s. I'm not very close to my dad's side of the family. I don't think I have seen him in years and he lives about 20 minutes away from me.

My mom's dad died of cancer a few days before my 18th birthday. I took his death the hardest of anyone's so far. I always felt very close to him. My mom's mom is still kickin' it though. I have always been very close to my mom's side of the family and although she lives about an hour (or a little more) away from me I see her pretty often.

[blueyes]

Ugh. I was thinking about this yesterday...

I have no grandparents left. My paternal grandfather died before my parents were even married, but I vaguely remember my paternal great-grandfather (who everyone called Grandfather) and he died when I was six or seven. I only remember this because I was so upset by everyone else being upset that I threw up on my aunt.

My grandmothers died eight days apart when I was a freshman in college. My paternal grandmother had had leukimia for 10 years and her immune system just basically shut down. My maternal grandmother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on March 1 (my birthday and my maternal grandfather's birthday) and died on March 22.

My maternal grandfather died last November 7. He went into the hospital right around Halloween last year and never left - one thing after another just seemed to fail and there was nothing anyone could do for him. He was 85. I'm doing my very level best to not focus on this at the moment, since I'm four hours away from home and my family and we were very close. Thanksgiving was hard last year, but I think it's going to be more difficult this year because we were all still numb last year. AND both of my aunts on that side of the family are having serious health issues themselves...

:sad:

[Krishna]

I guess I'd say that I have 3 sets of grandparents: 2 sets of my own, and 1 set that belongs to my boyfrined. The irony is that I see my boyfriend's grandparents more than I see my own...I'm continually holding my breath because they are all in their 80s with health issues. The last funeral I went to (one of my bf's other grandparents) was hard, because I was walking the fine line between inserting myself into the family's grief and being supportive of all of them. I settled for being supportive through the funeral, and then distracting all the small children during the visitation and lunch.

[MetFanL]

I don't have any of my grandparents around and it sucks :(
Ditto. When I lost my last grandparent a few years ago, I felt unbelievably "off." Like not having grandparents changed my definition of self. I was no longer anyone's granddaughter. I couldn't imagine what it's like for my parents to not be anyone's son or daughter anymore. It's such an odd feeling.

Losing my mom's parents was definitely the hardest and they went first -- My Nonni when I was 10 and my Papa when I was 15. I was SUPER close with them my entire childhood and my Papa even lived with us for a while. I still miss them a lot and think about them all the time.

Holidays suck without them. I'd rather be spending time with them than making the holiday trip to the cemetery to bring them flowers. It's just terrible. It makes me feel like what was connecting us to cousins and other extended family is gone now. Also, I have tons of questions about family history that I wish I could ask them.

[Kitty]

Holidays suck without them. I'd rather be spending time with them than making the holiday trip to the cemetery to bring them flowers. It's just terrible. It makes me feel like what was connecting us to cousins and other extended family is gone now. Also, I have tons of questions about family history that I wish I could ask them.

Both my mom's family and my dad's family fell apart after both of the grandparents were gone. They were definitely the glue and their houses were sort of central meeting places for everyone.

[wordsmith]

Also, I have tons of questions about family history that I wish I could ask them.

This kills me. Especially because now I do a lot of local history work, and my grandma was such a resource...and now she couldn't tell you my name or her own. Or what a name even is. :sad:

[wordsmith]

Both my mom's family and my dad's family fell apart after both of the grandparents were gone. They were definitely the glue and their houses were sort of central meeting places for everyone.

Totally the case for me on my dad's side. My mom's side, they still make an effort to stick together. But my dad's side is very reserved people...the're great, but they're not warm fuzzies it doesn't bother them that we never have family things anymore.

[SmilesSoSweet]

I have tons of questions about family history that I wish I could ask them.

I was fortunate enough to ask my grandpa (dad's dad) about our family tree. He was able to tell me not only just names of a lot of relatives, but their spouses, and kids too. This was the Thanksgiving before he died. Since then I've been the family geneologist trying to track my last name. (It used to be a different surname. I believe it was a Spanish surname, then someone changed it to what it is now.) Anyone with my last name is related to me and there are names that show up on Google searches with my last name that I don't know about and it makes me wonder if my grandpa would have known.

The last time I saw my grandpa was Christmas 1998. He died just over a month later and even though I only lived 40 minutes away while in college, I didn't get a chance to see him before the passed away. It sucked.

And when he did die, I did have that empty feeling that I was longer a grandchild to anyone because he was the last one.

At my brother's wedding, the photographer was taking family photos. My SIL was able to take pictures with her paternal grandparents. When my brother, sister and I got together for our pictures, the photographer asked if we had our grandparents around. It was a little depressing to say that we didn't have any more grandparents.

[Kitty]

I have questions about my last name too (I know it got changed when my ancestors immigrated here) and my dad is freakin' useless when it comes to providing any info.

[WorkInProgress]

At my brother's wedding, the photographer was taking family photos. My SIL was able to take pictures with her paternal grandparents. When my brother, sister and I got together for our pictures, the photographer asked if we had our grandparents around. It was a little depressing to say that we didn't have any more grandparents.

You'd think somebody would have told the photographer (maybe give a "dossier" of people to be sure to include in photographs, etc.) so that he wouldn't have to ask.

[SmilesSoSweet]

Both my mom's family and my dad's family fell apart after both of the grandparents were gone.

Once the both of my grandfathers passed away, the family problems began with their children. With my mom, her dad had left each child X amount of money and land back home. They all decided to give up the land in The Philippines to their only surviving aunt, since she still lived there. Well of course one in-law (mom's sister's husband) didn't want to let go of his share (even though really it wasn't HIS share, but my aunt's) so that started to burn a lot of bridges.

Same thing happened on my dad's side. His dad left some money for each child. But before most of the kids could get their share, one of the grandchildren in The Philippines decided to take all of the money and invest it without consulting with others and she lost all the money. That was a really bitter issue with my dad and his siblings.

So us cousins (both sides) decided that we weren't going to let these disputes with our parents and their siblings get to us. We try and get together as often as possible (with or without our parents) which nowadays is tough. But we do what we can to continue to be a close family.

[Kitty]

Good point! How could I have forgotten about all the drama and madness that surrounded the estates. So not fun...I hope to never have to go through anything brutal like that with my brother.

[SmilesSoSweet]

You'd think somebody would have told the photographer (maybe give a "dossier" of people to be sure to include in photographs, etc.) so that he wouldn't have to ask.

Yeah, but there was so many people in the wedding party wandering all over the place while we were taking pictures, that he probably just asked because he wasn't sure.

[WorkInProgress]

That crap always seems to happen. I've never heard anyone say that that sort of thing went smoothly with no issues.

[Kitty]

Well, my Dad's parents used to own the house that my parents now live in. My parents rented it from them. Before my grandfather died he signed the house over to my dad so that nothing would happen after he died and my dad would be guaranteed to have the house (my Dad has 3 greedy ass-hat brothers). Anyway, when the will was read and the house wasn't even mentioned there was a HUGE uproar. Ever since that, all my Dad's brothers stopped talking to him. :googly:

[wordsmith]

Even when there's nothing really to an estate, people spaz out. My great grandmother lived in a tin roof shack in appalachia, no modern convenience and certainly no estate to speak of, and people fought over her depression-era sunbonnets. :rolleyes:

[WorkInProgress]

Well, my Dad's parents used to own the house that my parents now live in. My parents rented it from them. Before my grandfather died he signed the house over to my dad so that nothing would happen after he died and my dad would be guaranteed to have the house (my Dad has 3 greedy ass-hat brothers). Anyway, when the will was read and the house wasn't even mentioned there was a HUGE uproar. Ever since that, all my Dad's brothers stopped talking to him. :googly:

Ick. Although, it would seem to me that if the house was signed over, it wouldn't have needed to be mentioned in the will (since that would be redundant).

My grandfather had no will (yep, that's right folks). Yuck. Which, on its own, wouldn't have been so bad, except that his mother (who had another son whom she didn't speak to, and his 6 or so kids) left everything to him when she died less than a month before he did. Not cool. Fortunately, nothing too dramatic seems to have happened, but it was a very bad situation to put my mom (the executrix of both estates) in.

[Kitty]

Ick. Although, it would seem to me that if the house was signed over, it wouldn't have needed to be mentioned in the will (since that would be redundant).



The brothers didn't realize that it got signed over, that was the issue.

[WorkInProgress]

The brothers didn't realize that it got signed over, that was the issue.

Ah, I see. Still ick.

[CTGirl]

When my mother's parents died (they both died around the same time) there was this handcrafted wooden bowl that 2 of my mother's siblings had really fond memories of using at Christmas, and wanted to keep. My mother's oldest brother was dying from a brain tumor at the time, and asked his younger brother if he could just have the bowl to use at that Christmas, because it would probably be his last, and then the younger brother could have it after that. The younger brother said no. The older brother died soon after that, and now there is obviously a huge amount of animosity toward that brother from all the other siblings (there were 7 of them total).

[WorkInProgress]

When my mother's parents died (they both died around the same time) there was this handcrafted wooden bowl that 2 of my mother's siblings had really fond memories of using at Christmas, and wanted to keep. My mother's oldest brother was dying from a brain tumor at the time, and asked his younger brother if he could just have the bowl to use at that Christmas, because it would probably be his last, and then the younger brother could have it after that. The younger brother said no. The older brother died soon after that, and now there is obviously a huge amount of animosity toward that brother from all the other siblings (there were 7 of them total).

What is it with people?

[WorkInProgress]

Good point! How could I have forgotten about all the drama and madness that surrounded the estates. So not fun...I hope to never have to go through anything brutal like that with my brother.

My brother and I like/want different things, so at this point, I don't think it would be horrible at all (some things have already been designated). It would actually be significantly more difficult to figure out what to do with their dogs than their stuff.

[wordsmith]

Things are already ugly with my cousins, and my grandma's not dead yet. Charming. There's a good deal of animosity b/c my grandma made my dad, her only son, her power of att'y when she was still lucid, and he's in charge. But, uh, I have a great deal of animosity that my aunts and their families haven't taken any part in any of the caregiving or decisions, but left it all on my family.

[coll214]

My mom's family still talks about the time when my mother's father died (I was 6) and my mother's sister's hubby tried to basically take anything that wasn't tied down from the house. G-ma just wanted the house cleaned out and my father and uncle were the ones doing the bulk of the work, yet the no good uncle was the one trying to take everything :googly:. Apparently my father finally just screamed There were too many Indian chiefs and not enough Indians...

My father's family is currently in disarray and has been so since my uncle, his brother, died. They'd been estranged for years and the stubborn Irishmen that he is refused to see him. it didn't sit well with everyone and now they don't speak to him, but then again i don't either- for different reasons :googly:. ahh, gotta love family sometimes.

[WorkInProgress]

Fortunately, all that crap (so far) is extended family only (aside from what I already mentioned, which was not so bad, out of sheer dumb luck). I hope it never invades closer in, but anything is possible. Fortunately, the grandparents don't have anything that I desperately want. Any of them.

[wordsmith]

There's nothing I want, either (any mementos of my Grandma, I already have, from her). But where I WILL come in kicking and biting and clawing and punching is when my dad's sisters' families start ganging up on him. I'm not going to raise a stink about stuff. But if they want to, they better have more sense than to do it to the sibling who actually took care of his mother.

[blueyes]

My paternal grandmother had three daughters and left each of them a distinctly different ring from her jewelry. They are so jealous and catty and utterly wack-o that they took all three rings out to the one daughter's jeweler (yeah, that's right) and had all of them copied so now each daughter has exactly what the other daughters have.

It's creepy and weird and it seems (to me, at least) to make it that much less special. Then again...weird and creepy (and jealous and catty) is pretty much my paternal aunts' MO.

[WorkInProgress]

There's nothing I want, either (any mementos of my Grandma, I already have, from her). But where I WILL come in kicking and biting and clawing and punching is when my dad's sisters' families start ganging up on him. I'm not going to raise a stink about stuff. But if they want to, they better have more sense than to do it to the sibling who actually took care of his mother.

Yuck. Should be a rule that unless otherwise designated, only kids get inovlved, not grandkids, (and especially not in-laws), etc.

[steph78]

It's so awful when families worry more about stuff than people. My dad was the executor of my great-uncle's will. He wasn't even related to him by blood, my great-uncle had no children and was related to us by marriage only but always treated us as his family and chose to spend holidays with us instead of with his siblings' families. Then when he passed away his youngest sister showed up out of nowhere and was pissed that she had nothing left to her in the will. We were all like "who are you again?" because my great-uncle had seriously never mentioned her to us. My dad had a real tough time dealing with that because he wanted to do things as my great-uncle would have wanted, but on the other hand felt bad that this lady had been left nothing (even though none of us had never heard of her).

My grandfathers have both passed away (one when I was 5 and barely understood what was going on, one when I was 18 and it was so incredibly sad). Both my grandmothers are still around and should be for some time - one has had some problems with osteoporosis but is still managing to meet her friends for bridge and lunch dates and go to church each week, etc...the other grandmother is 88 and she's incredible - she went down to Sears and bought herself a new lawnmower this spring. I mean seriously, she is still doing her own yardwork at that age! She's in great shape, hope I inherited her genes!

I am excited to have photo ops this Christmas for four generations of our family - my grandma, my mom, myself, and my soon-to-be-born daughter are all one direct line of oldest daughters - it will be really special to have all of us together. I only wish I lived closer - when I was little we lived close by both sets of my grandparents and saw them all the time, but now I only see them 2-3 times a year. I call and write, but it's not the same as being right there.

[Kitty]

My paternal grandmother had three daughters and left each of them a distinctly different ring from her jewelry. They are so jealous and catty and utterly wack-o that they took all three rings out to the one daughter's jeweler (yeah, that's right) and had all of them copied so now each daughter has exactly what the other daughters have.

It's creepy and weird and it seems (to me, at least) to make it that much less special. Then again...weird and creepy (and jealous and catty) is pretty much my paternal aunts' MO.

That's just weird :googly:

[cache]

The more families I meet, the less dysfunctional mine becomes :huge:

Jeez, some of these stories...

[SmilesSoSweet]

The more families I meet, the less dysfunctional mine becomes :huge:

Jeez, some of these stories...

No kidding. My family is "normal" compared to the many stories I've heard about other people's families.

[CTGirl]

Well in defense of my family, the story I told is not in any way typical of the way our family behaves. That one uncle has made himself into a complete outcast because of what he did. Even the "black sheep" alcoholic uncle is looking a lot better by comparison :razz:

[WorkInProgress]

Yep, as far as I've been able to tell, everyone's got at least one crazy-behavin' relative. I happen to have several, but they're generally on the periphery of my life, so it's not a big deal to me, personally. And dealing with the loss of a parent and estate stuff at the same time just blows, even in the best circumstances.

[cache]

Yep, as far as I've been able to tell, everyone's got at least one crazy-behavin' relative.


Hmmm...my family doesn't really...maybe I am destined for that role...should I start now? What angle should I take?

[embrassezla]

Yep, as far as I've been able to tell, everyone's got at least one crazy-behavin' relative.
Hah, this has been my experience as well, for sure.

[WorkInProgress]

Hmmm...my family doesn't really...maybe I am destined for that role...should I start now? What angle should I take?
The sky's the limit. Really. If you can imagine it, you can embarrass your relatives. I could write a book about mine, but I'm not sure it would be funny.

[coll214]

Yep, as far as I've been able to tell, everyone's got at least one crazy-behavin' relative. I happen to have several, but they're generally on the periphery of my life, so it's not a big deal to me, personally. And dealing with the loss of a parent and estate stuff at the same time just blows, even in the best circumstances.
LOL, I agree, mine I call Dad :googly:

[WorkInProgress]

I'm probably somebody's crazy relative. You know...going to college, getting a job, not being married, not having at least one kid, bookwormy, etc. I'm sure my father is somebody's crazy relative (and I'm sure in 20 years, he'll be mine too), but oh well. It takes all kinds.

[Kitty]

I've been rejected by mom's side of the family because I got a college degree and a well paying job.

[WorkInProgress]

I've been rejected by mom's side of the family because I got a college degree and a well paying job.

I'm sure that some extended family will think that I'm snotty because I went to college, got a job and didn't settle down right away. Too bad. I'm sure that some extended family are cold to my parents, but again, too bad. They'll manage. Fortunately, we're only talking about cousins, second cousins, etc.

[SmilesSoSweet]

I'm sure that some extended family will think that I'm snotty because I went to college, got a job and didn't settle down right away. Too bad. I'm sure that some extended family are cold to my parents, but again, too bad. They'll manage. Fortunately, we're only talking about cousins, second cousins, etc.

That's interesting. Most of the grandkids on both sides of the family actually did graduate from college. And just a handful actually had kids before getting married. Only two grandkids (one being my brother) on my dad's side got married without a baby on the way. The other three cousins that are married got married because of a baby on the way.

To break it down, on my dad's side there are twenty grandchildren (one died a few years ago) - 12 have graduated from college (though some took longer than others), 4 are currently in college, and only three didn't go to college. Out of those three, two went into the military.

On my mom's side - there are 17 grandchildren (one died a few years ago) - and all but two have college degrees.

I do have a couple relatives on each side of the family that are definitely the "odd" ones though. None of them are my cousins either. But going to college and not getting married aren't the reasons why they're weird.

[erika3536]

My maternal grandparents died before I was born, but my Mother says I would have loved my grandmother - a real character.

My dad's dad died when I was 9 years old. He had Alzheimer's - I was young, but still realized that he didn't recognize me at the end...I'd sit on his lap and tell him stories anyway.

My grandmother is 94 and in a nursing home - she took a turn for the worse this weekend - a bad fever and infection. But they just took out the IV and hopefully she'll feel better soon.
I think she's ready to go - she's been different ever since my grandpa died - she loved him so much, and also felt as though she had a sense of purpose taking care of him - when we had to start taking care of her, she resented it a lot.
But now she can't walk, she can't see very well, she can't hear...but I'm selfish and don't want her to leave yet!
She's my past and my future...

[mishl982]

I don't really know my grandparents.

My dad's parents lived in Vietnam and died before I ever got to meet them. I've met my mom's real dad once(which was a struggle because I don't speak Vietnamese) and her real mom died when she was young (she can't even remember what she looks like :cry: ). I have met my mom's stepmom but they are not very close, so I'm not really close with her either.

[WorkInProgress]

SSS, I was talking about extended like, my second cousins, and a few of the parents' first cousins. My first cousins are pretty ok.

[SmilesSoSweet]

SSS, I was talking about extended like, my second cousins, and a few of the parents' first cousins. My first cousins are pretty ok.

Oh okay. One thing I know that is different in my family (not sure if your family does this as well) is that my second cousins are my parents' first cousins' kids. (Does that make sense?) I call my parents' first cousins aunts and uncles; their kids are my (second) cousins. And if any of my first cousins have kids, those kids are my nieces and nephews, not second cousins. To my family, this makes a lot more sense, though I think I just confused myself on here trying to explain this.

[WorkInProgress]

Oh okay. One thing I know that is different in my family (not sure if your family does this as well) is that my second cousins are my parents' first cousins' kids. (Does that make sense?) I call my parents' first cousins aunts and uncles; their kids are my (second) cousins.

That is pretty much how I refer to mine as well. (Trying to explain "removed" is just not worth it.) I don't have to deal with any kids of first cousins yet...so I'll figure that out when I need to.

[SmilesSoSweet]

That is pretty much how I refer to mine as well. (Trying to explain "removed" is just not worth it.) I don't have to deal with any kids of first cousins yet...so I'll figure that out when I need to.

I never figured out that whole "Xth cousin removed" thing either, until I took an anthropology class in college. I still really don't get it.

In my family, we basically just do same generation lineage. Grandpa and his siblings are my grandpa and great aunts and great uncles. Anyone in my mom and dad's generation are my parents, aunts and uncles. Anyone in my generation are my brother, sister, and cousins (whether first, second, third or fourth) and any kids from my generation are the nieces and nephews. And I might actually have great nieces and great nephews as well! :eek:

This makes more sense to my family.

[coll214]

That makes some sense Smiles; though for my family it wouldn't work since the age range is so great. On my mom's side, i'm one of the youngest cousins (my sis being the youngest) and my oldest cousin is actually 46 - only 7 years younger than my mom. I have a few cousins who also have kids that are in HS already....

[SmilesSoSweet]

That makes some sense Smiles; though for my family it wouldn't work since the age range is so great. On my mom's side, i'm one of the youngest cousins (my sis being the youngest) and my oldest cousin is actually 46 - only 7 years younger than my mom. I have a few cousins who also have kids that are in HS already....

This IS my family too. And we still make it work. On my dad's side, the eldest first cousin is 41, the youngest, 18. The 41 year old cousin has one kid that's already 20 - older than two of my first cousins! And there are twenty of us too.

The eldest and youngest age gap with my dad and his siblings is 15 years. My uncle was 7 when the eldest of my cousins (the now 41 year old) was born.

My mom side is even WORSE! lol. My mom has a few half siblings that are younger than some of my first cousins! Yeah, that whole side is confusing!

[EmberMae]

My mom's mother died in 1995 and her father died in 2001. My mom is the youngest in her family. I can really relate to the idea of the grandparents being the glue that holds the family together. I haven't seen most of my cousins and half of my aunts and uncles on that side since my grandfather's funeral. We used to see each other at least once a year or two and of course the grandparents' house was the family meeting place. I'm just now getting the chance to see them again for my cousin's wedding (2 of my cousins did get married in the meantime but I was not invited because they continue to consider me "just a kid" no matter how old I get).

my dad's parents are still alive, divorced and remarried. They are both in the early 70s. His mom moved near us and his dad lives about 4 hours away.

[Krishna]

I'm the oldest cousin in my family (both sides) and my boyfriend is pretty much the youngest cousin in his family (on both sides). It's funny because his cousins are all having (or already have) kids. Babies to play with, YAY. (Aint no babies comin' on my side of the family because if they did, they'd have to be comin' from me....and that would be no good right now!)

[yankeeyosh]

This IS my family too. And we still make it work. On my dad's side, the eldest first cousin is 41, the youngest, 18. The 41 year old cousin has one kid that's already 20 - older than two of my first cousins! And there are twenty of us too.

The eldest and youngest age gap with my dad and his siblings is 15 years. My uncle was 7 when the eldest of my cousins (the now 41 year old) was born.

My mom side is even WORSE! lol. My mom has a few half siblings that are younger than some of my first cousins! Yeah, that whole side is confusing!

My oldest cousin is 39 and my youngest is 21. I only have four cousins (I had five, but one passed away in JUL 04) :cry: .

None of my grandparents are still living...the last one passed away in June of last year. :cry:

[asm198]

All of my grandparents are gone. My dad's parents died decades before I was born, my maternal grandfather died when I was 7, and my maternal grandmother died when I was 19.

I have a massive family, on both sides, that I literally haven't spoken to in several years. On my dad's side, he had 6-7 siblings, I think? They all had several kids, all who are decades older than me. I have 3rd cousins who are in school on that side. We don't talk to that side, because of some family drama a long time before I was born. I have a few cousins on my side, but the aunts and uncles, well, I don't really think highly of them.

Mom has 9 siblings, all with several kids. I was the next to youngest 1st cousin. I have 2nd cousins ranging in age from 6ish to late 40s, with 3rd cousins older than me. We're not a close family, either. We only got together every year for grandma's birthday, so when she died, we quit doing that. Well, that and some nasty drama that I don't remember, but has caused several of my mom's siblings to not have spoken to her in 5-6 years. You don't want to know how many cousins I have.

I honestly don't know half of their names and couldn't pick 90% of them out of a lineup. When we were doing the guest list, we counted about 125, just on mom's side and only with cousins we knew about. I could easily, with both sides and the new kids, have a guest list of 300+ that's just family.

I never really felt close to any of my family members. I was too young to hang out with the cousins, who all were really close, for some reason. I never hung out with the grandparents and the aunts and uncles were the same. So, I really felt like an outsider with nearly everyone. And the people that I did feel close to, weren't all that close.

It's kinda pathetic, I guess. Until I got into the fiance's family, I actually had no idea that families actually did stuff together on holidays and called each other for no reason and stuff. I seriously thought that was only something people did on tv. Like some sort of quaint throwback to the 50s or something.

[iamkarma]

I have one grandma still alive she's 90, but she was always sorta the mean grandma lol. But anways my two grandfathers and my grandma are passed away and I miss them dearly, I try to remember all the good times and try to keep there memory alive by continuing traditions they started with me and my sister and by talking about the good times we shared with my family. Its hard not to miss people you loved.

[sgh79]

My mom's parents are still alive, but my grandmother, formerly a take-charge, "care for the whole family" matriarch, is starting to show signs of Alzheimer's, which has totally changed her personality, so she can be difficult to deal with at times. My dad's mother is still alive, but I haven't talked to her in over 10 years.

[Millenial]

Both my grandparents on my mom's side are alive. My grandfather on my dad's side died a couple years ago, my grandmother (biological) died before i was born, he got remarried, my new grandmother we do not speak to anymore.