Ahh,

[fearlesss]

ok this girl I'm seeing wants to meet my friends. Here's the problem b/c my job (work all weekend and wierd hours) I do not have any REAL friends (except 1 or 2) outside of work. what to do

[cache]

ok this girl I'm seeing wants to meet my friends. Here's the problem b/c my job (work all weekend and wierd hours) I do not have any REAL friends (except 1 or 2) outside of work. what to do

Umm. Did you tell her you had a bunch of friends or something? To me, the only option, if you see any future with this girl, is just to explain it to her straight up...or hire a few people for a few hours :eek:

[Chameleon]

It's not a big deal as long as you haven't alluded to having a harem or a posse, like cache mentioned. It's not like you have to throw a "meet the girlfriend" party, you just have them meet her one at a time for drinks or dinner or a movie night, something pretty low key. Have you met her friends? Was it a big production?

[CTGirl]

Well you do have a social life outside of this girl right? So just bring her along to something you'd normally be doing with other people, like the others said, it doesnt have to be a big production, she's not the Queen of England.

[fearlesss]

Umm. Did you tell her you had a bunch of friends or something? To me, the only option, if you see any future with this girl, is just to explain it to her straight up...or hire a few people for a few hours :eek:


no, I have friends but they live out of state or are in the service. Those that are in the area are hard to meet up with some times due to my work schedule.

[cache]

no, I have friends but they live out of state or are in the service. Those that are in the area are hard to meet up with some times due to my work schedule.

Maybe its just me, but I don't see that you have any options here. She didn't say something like "I want to see your rock climbing shoes" where you can go out and buy a pair and everything will go as planned. She'll either be cool with it or she won't. But I don't think there is much you can do in the immediate time frame to change or get around anything.

[Kitty]

Aww...don't feel bad. Just explain your situation to her. If she judges you based on how many friends you have, that is pretty shallow.

[dostoy]

I worry about this when dating too because I've always had friends that are, ahem, "weird", or the nerdy kind from high school, but that's better than no friends I guess.

[CTGirl]

I worry about this when dating too because I've always had friends that are, ahem, "weird", or the nerdy kind from high school, but that's better than no friends I guess.

The guy I'm kinda dating right now felt this way too, cuz he and his friends are super nerdy (D&D level nerdy) but he told me about it very early on (although he seemed pretty embarassed about it) and I told him that I was totally used to super nerds, and had no problem with his hobbies at all.

If a girl likes you, and she's not totally shallow, she wont toss you out just for having friends who are different from hers or hobbies that she isnt into. And you never know what her reaction's gonna be - I know this guy was totally not expecting me to be so okay with the gaming stuff.

[stonemonkey]

If a girl likes you, and she's not totally shallow, she wont toss you out just for having friends who are different from hers or hobbies that she isnt into.

Isn't this the standard general purpose response to every insecurity/perceived flaw that we have? That if they're not shallow then they'll accept you as you are? You could apply it to anything, whether you're out of shape, or if you're too poor to afford nice clothes or whatever? Aren't we expected to make some sort of effort on our part?

[SunDevil]

Just tell her that you have lots of 'friends' on the internet. :razz:

[labrat2111]

Isn't this the standard general purpose response to every insecurity/perceived flaw that we have? That if they're not shallow then they'll accept you as you are? You could apply it to anything, whether you're out of shape, or if you're too poor to afford nice clothes or whatever? Aren't we expected to make some sort of effort on our part?

You're expected to make some kind of effort but in the short-term you can only do so much. For instance even if you don't have a big wardrobe you can wear your nicest outfit. Now you might realize in picking out your best outfit that you don't have much to wear and in the next few weeks or months start buying some more clothes but it's hard to pick up a huge wardrobe in a day or two (unless you have unlimited funds).

So yes in the short-term a lot of it is out of your hands. Kind of the same thing in a job interview situation. You bring your best but there are lots of things out of your control that might screw you over.

In the OP's case all they can do is be honest about the situation. If the person is freaked out well then time to move onto the next person. I imagine they wouldn't want to be lied to about the friends -- especially seeing as at some point they will have to produce these friends. I don't have many friends and I don't think any girl had been freaked out about it. What is important is how I treat woman and that seems to be good enough even if I don't have a gaggle of buddies to hang out with.

[CTGirl]

Isn't this the standard general purpose response to every insecurity/perceived flaw that we have? That if they're not shallow then they'll accept you as you are? You could apply it to anything, whether you're out of shape, or if you're too poor to afford nice clothes or whatever? Aren't we expected to make some sort of effort on our part?

The friends that you have and the things that you do should never be something that you feel the need to change for someone else. Your friend situation is never a "flaw" so no, this is not something that you should ever be expected to make an effort on - the other stuff, maybe, but that's all debatable too. To me, as long as you're happy with who you are, I dont care who your friends are or how much money you make, etc.

[stonemonkey]

Whether it is a flaw or a perceived flaw are two different things. I was once asked by a girl about my friends, and I hesitated for a second, and she immediately asked with some concern "You do have friends, don't you?" Maybe people just assume the worst, I dunno.

It's one of things that's borderline, I guess. The classic example is living with your parents. You could have all the drive and ambition in the world, and be adamant that it's only temporary and you are a functioning mature adult, but I'm not sure how that actually goes down explaining all your 'justifications' to someone who's already stopped listening.

[CTGirl]

Whether it is a flaw or a perceived flaw are two different things. I was once asked by a girl about my friends, and I hesitated for a second, and she immediately asked with some concern "You do have friends, don't you?" Maybe people just assume the worst, I dunno.

It's one of things that's borderline, I guess. The classic example is living with your parents. You could have all the drive and ambition in the world, and be adamant that it's only temporary and you are a functioning mature adult, but I'm not sure how that actually goes down explaining all your 'justifications' to someone who's already stopped listening.

Well that all comes down to the person you're dating/trying to date. If some girl is going to stop listening to you the second she finds out that you live with your parents, and won't even hear you out as to why, or is going to accuse you of not having any friends at all when you hesitate for a moment, then she's got some issues of her own.

[veniqe]

Rent a crowd's your only option. Nah, lame joke. Just be honest and tell her that you don't have millions of friends.