Do you hate your parents?

[swordfish77]

My parents have been married for almost 30 years, they don't argue, there are really no problems on the surface. However, I really have a hard time dealing with my mother, even though it's been about six years since I lived with my parents. My dad is a hard-worker and was often away. I like my dad. My mother was always home and was very strict and bossy. She still is, even though I am away. I think that is why I hate my mother. I only call her because I am lonely and she will answer.

[yankeeyosh]

For about ten years, I had a difficult time with my father. I would never say I hated him, but it wasn't easy. Things are better now, even though it isn't perfect. I never had a problem with my mom, for the most part.

[Fashionista]

Interesting question because I have been struggling with this question on and off since I was 8 years old

Technically speaking I have no issue with my father although I do think he used bad judgement leaving me with my mother when he knew for a fact that she was being verbally abusive toward me. I used to beg him to let me live with him but since he is "old skool" he believed that girls become women from learning from their mother. That was so not the case with my mother.

Anyway I do have a lot of ill feelings toward my mother because she is mean and nasty to me and always used to either ignore me growing up (church, work, her boyfriends were more important than me) or be really really mean to me. I know during a heated argument last year I told her I hated her (this was after she was harrassing me over the phone and spreading nasty rumors about me) and later apologized because even it was wrong even if I meant what I said. I also have to take in consideration that I have very young sibilings that I love like my own kids and not associating with them would hurt them more than my mother.

There are times when I was in school that I stopped calling my mother because the stress was not worth it. Who wants to talk to someone that always kicks you when you are down and can never say anything nice to your face? I think I finally realized how terrible she is when she told a guy that liked me that he shouldn't like me "because I wasn't pretty or all that nice." I was so hurt and pissed off that she would do that.

ANyway for now the mother/daughter relationship is ok. for some reason she is being civilized but I still keep her at arms length. I can't even tell her what's going on in my life because I feel like she can never be happy or supportive about anything. Her behavior isn't totally her fault cause I know my Grandmother was verbally abusive and mean towards her but at the same token I do put more responsibility on her because she should know right from wrong.

[PenforPrez]

I don't HATE my parents; I've just totally outgrown their out-of-touch way of thinking, and I'm chaffing under it.

I had a lot of disagreements with my father in my teens, but I've matured in my 20s, and he's mellowed in his late 70s. We get along very well now, and I greatly value that. But I'm still sick of his closed-minded, racist, neurotic view of the world.

My mother seems disconnected from the world now that I've grown up. She seems more concerned about her grandchildren than anything. I no longer find my mother amusing. Now she's just annoying, with the way she does with the dog, and the way she just does what she wants against doctor's advice. That worries me.

I'm just worried that if I don't find a way out soon that I'll be stuck here forever. I don't want to be stuck here; I just feel like I'm wasting my life here. :cry: I don't hate my parents, but I feel like they're holding me back.

Paul

[inmediasres]

I don't hate my parents. I never really have. They do annoy the shit out of me occasionally. That's to be expected, though. :haha:

[wordsmith]

My parents are pretty awesome. Not perfect (who is?), but we've always been close. They're not without flaw, for sure...my dad can be infuriating because he has a hard time letting go of the "father knows best," thing with his adult children...offering up advice unsolicited, and expecting that it will be taken, when sorry, people have to make their own choices and decisions. He also can be pretty critical if you don't follow his advice, and fall on your face as a result. But it's mostly because he's spent so many years in the advice-giver position, it's hard to let that go. My mom's biggest annoying thing is that she's an insane worrier. But I really love my parents, and have a good relationship with them both.

[Kitty]

Hate? That's pretty intense.

My mom is the best ever. My dad and I get along OK now, but we used to fight non-stop when I was in HS and I still think I hold some major grudges because of that.

[wordsmith]

I fought a lot with my dad from ages 13-18 or so (he as absolutely no patience for the frivolity of teenage girls, and just can't relate, he was even worse with my younger sister, because he hasn't gotten any more tolerant of "foolishness" with age). But I still couldn't say I bear or bore anything resembling hatred over it.

[Kitty]

I fought a lot with my dad from ages 13-18 or so (he as absolutely no patience for the frivolity of teenage girls, and just can't relate, he was even worse with my younger sister, because he hasn't gotten any more tolerant of "foolishness" with age). But I still couldn't say I bear or bore anything resembling hatred over it.

I can't even fathom using the term "hate" when referring to either of my parents. Even during the troubled years with my dad I wouldn't have used that term.

[AshleyJordan]

I agree. I don't even talk to my father, and have a very strained relationship with my mother, and I would never say I hate them. More like wow, we're so different we could never be related, and I'm unbelievably disappointed in how this all turned out.

[SpaceMonkey]

I don't hate them, I just can't really talk to them.

[wordsmith]

I would be heartbreakingly disappointed if I couldn't relate to my parents, actually. But seeing as how most of my morals, values, interests, goals, etc. were shaped by having been raised by them, that's not really an issue. They know me better than anybody else in the world. I can't think of anything I couldn't talk to them about. Some things I choose NOT to, but it's b/c I don't want to worry them, not because we don't relate.

[Kitty]

What always surprises me is how many families are so closed off and don't express what they're actually feeling and thinking. I've seen quite a few of these in recent years. It's all very surface, Mrs. Bridge type stuff. If there's one thing great about my family is that we ALWAYS just say what's on our mind..It's all on the table.

[wordsmith]

What always surprises me is how many families are so closed off and don't express what they're actually feeling and thinking. I've seen quite a few of these in recent years. It's all very surface, Mrs. Bridge type stuff. If there's one thing great about my family is that we ALWAYS just say what's on our mind..It's all on the table.

Ahahahah, mine to. To a FAULT. Which is NOT always pretty, but at least it's laid right out there, no doubt about that.

Picturing anybody in my family actually holding back (about ANYthing) is a pretty personally amusing image.

[Kitty]

Ahahahah, mine to. To a FAULT. Which is NOT always pretty, but at least it's laid right out there, no doubt about that.

Picturing anybody in my family actually holding back (about ANYthing) is a pretty personally amusing image.

I honestly didn't even think there were families like that before I encountered some of them. I thought families were, at the very least, the people you could totally be yourself around and express exactly what you're thinking to.

[wordsmith]

That's my experience, too. I always thought that the closed off, ice-queen matriarch, silent brooding father, repressed kids type families were cliches or the stuff of fiction, but, um...they're not, I've found.

Of course, to some, a big, loud, warm, non-repressed, passions running high type family is the rare beast.

[WorkInProgress]

Nope. Sometimes they annoy me (as I'm sure I annoy them), but it's just that--minor. I've always had a pretty easy time with them, relating to them, etc. Around middle school time, my mom and I had a hard time getting along, but, to be honest, I don't even remember much of that, and I suspect it had a lot to do with growing pains. My brother's had more of an issue with them, but even in his case I can't imagine hate. Anger, frustration, etc., yeah, but not hate.

[dostoy]

I live with my parents right now, but I'm moving out novermber first which is great. My mom's ok, annoying sometimes but mostly I love her. My dad on the other hand is the biggest asshole in the world, actually I don't talk to him at all anymore even though we live in the same house. Basically he's been unemployed since he was 40 or so, and for some reason my mom let's him boss her around while she pays all the bills, he has his own "business" which really means he does nothing. Bleh, he'll regret it when he's too old to take care of himself and his grown kids say fuck you old man.

[Deavan]

Hate my parents...no I don't hate them, when my mother was alive she made really bad choices but I always knew that she loved me regadless...as for my father...I don't hate him, I don't think I have any love for him either...I am rather indifferent at this point in time, he got remarried and has his new life which I am not a part of...and as much as I try to include him on my life eh not really worth it since I know he doesn't want to be....

[tina1979]

deleted

[J-girl]

I honestly didn't even think there were families like that before I encountered some of them. I thought families were, at the very least, the people you could totally be yourself around and express exactly what you're thinking to.
not my family. I mean we do yell and scream at each other and everything but their are certain things that we have a hard time expressing to each other.

[weary]

hate is a very strong word and i can't think of a person i'd describe feeling that way towards. especially not my mother.

i don't particularly care for my father, but that is another story for another day. and though i dislike, don't understand, don't love, know or even like him...i don't hate him.

i just don't think the negative energy it takes to work up to/maintain hate is worth it when it comes to human relations. relationships - of all kinds - are exhausting enough as it is.

[Chameleon]

Hate my parents? Sometimes I think I do. I have to keep reminding myself that my parents love me and they are just expressing it in a really fucked up way. If it's money related I can talk to them without fear but with everything else...

There isn't a reference to food or clothes that doesn't include "I hope you aren't getting fat" or a reference to my place without a jab at how messy it is. I cut my hair 6 weeks ago and haven't told them yet, who knows what can of worms that would open. Thankfully there haven't been any recent comments about how the devil is using me to attack them by being a heathen who wouldn't be faithful in the unlikely scenario that a man didn't run away because of my messiness and married me.

They are an utter delight to everyone not spurned from their loins, generous to a fault. I just wish some of that kindness was lavished on their own offspring. Fortunately for us, they don't want to spoil us by not telling us the unvarnished truth. :rolleyes:

[shimma]

My parents have been married for almost 30 years, they don't argue, there are really no problems on the surface. However, I really have a hard time dealing with my mother, even though it's been about six years since I lived with my parents. My dad is a hard-worker and was often away. I like my dad. My mother was always home and was very strict and bossy. She still is, even though I am away. I think that is why I hate my mother. I only call her because I am lonely and she will answer.

Having lost several immediate family members, I can't honestly say I think a lot of those of who can see their parents or siblings every day if they want but still claim to "hate" them.

Guess what? Mothers and older siblings are bossy because they care. If she is the first person you call when you're lonely and she answers, that says that neither of you hate aech other.

[dostoy]

Having lost several immediate family members, I can't honestly say I think a lot of those of who can see their parents or siblings every day if they want but still claim to "hate" them.

Guess what? Mothers and older siblings are bossy because they care. If she is the first person you call when you're lonely and she answers, that says that neither of you hate aech other.
Sometimes I think they're bossy because they're frustrated with their own life, and it feels good to go on a power trip and boss someone at home, i.e. their kid. I know if my dad died I wouldn't care, actually I'd be happy. Sorry you had family members die, if they were good people I know that hurts and it would be annoying to hear others complain about their living parents, but some parents just suck.

[shimma]

Sometimes I think they're bossy because they're frustrated with their own life, and it feels good to go on a power trip and boss someone at home, i.e. their kid. I know if my dad died I wouldn't care, actually I'd be happy. Sorry you had family members die, if they were good people I know that hurts and it would be annoying to hear others complain about their living parents, but some parents just suck.

Of course, if they abandon or somehow abuse you, yes, they suck.

But for your and your dad's sake, I hope you never need to test that "I'd be happy" theory for a long time to come.

[weary]

yeah, some parents suck. lots of 'em. lots of people suck. i don't hate them either. even the ones that have significantly wronged me.

i just think that's a very extreme word/feeling. it was not allowed in my home growing up and it's now not allowed in the home i'm raising my child in - at least not to say to, or express feelings about, people. save it for things w/o feelings, i.e. "i hate cheese".

[Kitty]

I admit I use that term sometimes when talking about those people I don't care for - but I never really mean it. Hating anyone isn't going to get you anywhere.

[cache]

i just think that's a very extreme word/feeling. it was not allowed in my home growing up and it's now not allowed in the home i'm raising my child in - at least not to say to, or express feelings about, people. save it for things w/o feelings, i.e. "i hate cheese".

My provalone heard that, and wants you to know that just because you don't understand the complicated world of che-motions, doesn't mean you have to knock it.

[weary]

My provalone heard that, and wants you to know that just because you don't understand the complicated world of che-motions, doesn't mean you have to knock it.

LMAO cache. i knew someone would go there no matter what i chose to fill the object in in my sentence! but for the record, i do like [some] cheese...even provolone. ;)

(of course, i did give bleu a beating in the food vices thread. i hate bleu cheese! ha!)

[wordsmith]

Hatefulness wasn't cool in my household, either.

[vivo]

not my family. I mean we do yell and scream at each other and everything but their are certain things that we have a hard time expressing to each other.
hmm not able to talk about everything. wish i could talk to my parents like friends.

[PenforPrez]

hmm not able to talk about everything. wish i could talk to my parents like friends.

I'm finding it harder to talk to my parents as I get older. They checked out of the real world 30 years ago, and they've lived in some strange existential universe since. They just don't understand how things work nowadays, and you can't enlighten them.

Not that I really know; I'm probably the most naive person on this board. But in the 21st century, ignorance is NOT bliss, and I'm having to figure everything out on my own. I just wish they had more of a clue how much the world has changed since the Bicentennial. :googly:

Paul

[vivo]

I'm finding it harder to talk to my parents as I get older. They checked out of the real world 30 years ago, and they've lived in some strange existential universe since. They just don't understand how things work nowadays, and you can't enlighten them.

Not that I really know; I'm probably the most naive person on this board. But in the 21st century, ignorance is NOT bliss, and I'm having to figure everything out on my own. I just wish they had more of a clue how much the world has changed since the Bicentennial. :googly:

Paul

haha well mine are from a different culture. my mom's from a rural area in India.
I'm also a bit of a late child. although i can see many parents nowadays having children when my parents had me. plus my own issues. just not opening up. plus they're very fixated on religion(specifically their temple) and i just don't care.
hmm maybe if I opened up about more stuff. other stuff. plus I live at home. but they are good people. and are somewhat generous w/money. um what are you having to figure out?

[PenforPrez]

haha well mine are from a different culture. my mom's from a rural area in India.

Good point. They would have a totally different viewpoint, coming from a radically different culture.

I'm also a bit of a late child. although i can see many parents nowadays having children when my parents had me.

I have the same problem. My father was 53 when I was born. It's an unusual feeling having a father who served in World War II.

hmm maybe if I opened up about more stuff. other stuff. plus I live at home. but they are good people. and are somewhat generous w/money.

I found what helped with my father was finding common ground. And we had more of it than I thought. :) But my father turns 80 in 5 months; I'm 26. There's always going to be a pretty wide gap there. It frightens me how much my father is still trapped in the racial prejudice of a half century ago. :( But he supports gay marriage, so maybe there's some hope.

um what are you having to figure out?

EVERYTHING! Both of my parents were over a decade out of the labor force when I graduated college. The world had just totally changed in that time, and they don't know and can't tell me.

My therapist actually says they are at fault for a lot of my issues. But if they don't know, how can they be to blame?

Paul

[crystal_dance]

hmmm... good queston, I was thinking about this recently as well. I love my mom dearly and she has been nothing but wonderful to me. While I have a healthy relationship with my dad now, I remember having a tough time growing up because he kept pushing me notoriously at school, extracurriculars, etc. He wanted me to be a straight A student who was also captain of the men's soccer/tennis team so bad and it really sucked sometimes because I spent alot of my childhood not being able to be carefree.
During the teen years I fought ugly with my dad and didn't enjoy being expected to bust my hump just to be an all star student. I do give my dad full credit for giving me that drive and direction to succeed, and I am where I am today because my father never gave up on me. However I don't know if I fully forgive him for his harsh ways of raising me and my brother.

[DontHate]

I love my parents. All three of them.

[swordfish77]

I'll never use the word "hate" again. Obviously it's not PC enough.

[cameralady]

Sometimes I think they're bossy because they're frustrated with their own life, and it feels good to go on a power trip and boss someone at home, i.e. their kid.

That is at the root of my mom's issues.

Of course, I have my own issues, but I try to give suggestions and do things to help out because I know she's suffering (having to care for my aging father is an issue). Not only does she not listen or do anything to change the situation, but she continues to whine about it. Then she rants about what I'm doing wrong. She keeps throwing my mistakes back in my face. I don't need to allow her to depress me even more.

[sasha83]

My therapist wants me to put some blame on my parents for the way I've turned out. I'm very fearful and grew up in what many people would say was an overprotective household. But I'm reluctant to blame them for anything, and therefore things between me and my therapist suck. I know my parents aren't perfect, but nothing pisses me off more than when people who don't even know them judge them. It feels like an attack on them - and me, by extension.

[wordsmith]

I think I started a thread years ago that asked about how we think our families/parents, etc. affected how we live our lives now.

I think it's impossible for the way you were raised to not effect you, but acknowledging this isn't the same as blaming and raging at your parents. Not that some parents don't have that coming to htem.

[MetFanL]

Wow... I couldn't imagine hating my parents. I talk to both of them everyday. And, my brothers, too, for that matter. And, like Kitty, we just put it all out there, all the time. We don't know the meaning of holding back...

I would also just add, though, that if you're hating your parents, it still means that you love them on some level... if you didn't, you'd be completely indifferent to the whole situation.

Family is so tough, sometimes. I'm lucky that I don't have to worry about this.

[weary]

I would also just add, though, that if you're hating your parents, it still means that you love them on some level... if you didn't, you'd be completely indifferent to the whole situation.

absolutely.

extraletters

[wordsmith]

Yup, strong feelings of any kind indicate an emotional connection. Otherwise it's "dead to me" indifference.

[fuzmiq]

my mother blames me for alot of crap. i love her for the good things but by God it is not natural for a 25 year old to live at home. (thats me) We rub each other the wrong way, way too much. I find myself complaining to my best friend about her way too much. She is not my support in life. I feel like I am the parent and she is the child. People comment on this fact. It is not a good thing. Because she raised me on her own, emotionally she treats me like her husband. And yo, that is just not a good place to be. AHHH!

[GoogleGirl]

I feel horrible to say all of what I'm gonna say, but I can't seem to help it...So, my dad gave me some money for my trip to Ohio this weekend. Well, my mom has known about this trip for months and months (it's all I talk about) and she also knows about the money problems that I am having. She called me last night and asked me to borrow some money, the same amount of money that my dad gave me for my trip. So...there goes any kind of money I would have had during this trip. She's like, well I will pay you back at the beginning of the month. Well, yea that's nice, but what am I supposed to do while I am in Ohio?! I love my mom dearly, but I am just really frustrated with her these days. I mean...is there anything wrong with not talking EVERY day? I mean, she had a freak out a while back b/c I would never call her. She asked why I was mad at her. I was like...wtf?! Where'd that come from? Geez....she calls me when she knows I'm sleeping, she calls me at least twice a day and wonders why I never call her. The more she pushs these phone calls on me, the more I don't want to call her. She seems to ask me for money quite often these days (hello!!! I don't have a freaking job!!!!), and my bf is not at all pleased with the situation either. I'm going on a rant here. I'm really starting to think that my moving back home with her is a bad idea. Perhaps I should just move in with my dad or grandma or something. And even worse, I just feel horrible about how I feel!!! She is my mom and she has always encouraged me to be independent and do what makes me happy. She has never forced ideas on me. She has always wanted me to be a strong person. And she is also helping me find a job next semester. So I feel conflicted and TERRIBLE. I feel like an awful daughter...but I can't help it!!! She's soooo irritatiing!!!!!!!!!!! And I can't say a damn thing because she is gonna hang everything she has done for me over my head and tell me how selfish I am being. I feel horrible horrible and stuck....

[Millenial]

my mom i have never hated at all, sometimes i've felt like she hasn't supported me but i feel really close to her now. she's basically had my back ever since i went off to college 5 years ago (now out in the real world). she's helped me not worry about things so much, yet show me that the world isn't going to do anything for you *without being a jerk about it*.

my dad i absolutely hated throughout my teens. i hated how authoritarian he was, i hated that he didn't accept the way i dressed, the music, the typical teen identity crap. i hated that he would force me to go to church, yet be such a jerk to my mom and my family (IMO anyways). later on i hated that he made fun of me for getting into psychology, he said to pick a real major (one where you could actually make something). after that, he basically made a total 180, supported that i liked psych, even had friends that were in the field themselves give me tips, wasn't such a dick to me because i actually did good in school and made better decisions. he basically taught me you have to work hard to get anywhere in life and that things are never guaranteed. he worked from being a poor teenager to a commander in the navy and recently earned a doctorate as well.

basically: MOM: taught me that i need to take care of myself, know that my needs are important. DAD: work hard and don't expect anything. you will get what is earned.

although i disagree with some of those viewpoints, i felt they made me more well-rounded and gave me a different view of the world. i would say it made more liberal politically compared to my family's conservatism.

[Millenial]

I'm finding it harder to talk to my parents as I get older. They checked out of the real world 30 years ago, and they've lived in some strange existential universe since. They just don't understand how things work nowadays, and you can't enlighten them.

Not that I really know; I'm probably the most naive person on this board. But in the 21st century, ignorance is NOT bliss, and I'm having to figure everything out on my own. I just wish they had more of a clue how much the world has changed since the Bicentennial. :googly:

Paul LMFAO! I thought mine would get like that, luckily my younger sisters keep them with the times.

[Syracuse]

It's been odd for me as of the last few weeks. I had stopped talking to my dad a few years ago, actually he stopped talking to me after I stood up to him and told him to practice what he preached. That was a few years ago. Then about 2 months ago I learned my mom had been charging 2.5k on my credit card, when I confronted her she flipped out and now won't talk to me. Shortly after this I moved out of my parents house. I can't sever ties with them completely though because of my 8 year old brother who I love more than my own life and he lives with my parents.

But then my dad out of the blue started talking to me again, I think he might be pround of me for getting a respectable job or something. I went with him to the dmv to get transferred off my parents insurance to my own car insurance. I was dreading it but it wasn't so bad being around him.

Anyways I am very confused by this apparent flip flopping of my parents not talking to me.

[Lizanne440]

I've lived in the same room for my entire life (I'm 24) under my parents' roof, and up until a year ago, I was okay with it. I stayed at my boyfriend's a lot and it was a great escape from this house. But when we broke up, I started suffering from extreme anxiety, had panic attacks, am now on medication for it (I couldn't even drive to school) and I'm realizing how much living at home is affecting my head. I've never spent this much time being around them, and I'm starting to see how different my views and opinions are from theirs. I didn't know my dad was a Republican (for me, that is a HUGE conflict) until last week, and that my mother is a Democrat. She is the housewife who rushes to the door to serve him dinner when he gets home. I would never do that! And ever since I told my O.C.D. father that I am moving out soon, he locks the door as soon as I come in the house, and he wants to know what I'm doing at all times (I actually had WAY more freedom when I was 16). My dad has a serious mental illness w/the OCD, although he'd never admit it, and my mom is cool to me but way too submissive to her husband. Oh, and did I mention that I have a brother who hardly ever speaks? Our parents love us and all, but growing up, they never said 'I love you', or gave much affection (hugs, kisses, etc.) So when us kids got older, we had problems w/relationships, because not only did we not know how to be physically close to someone, we didn't know how to talk to people. Our parents did not allow for open conversation at home, growing up. If one of us was upset, we were supposed to go in our room, think it over, and come out happy and pretend nothing happened! Ridiculous! Needless to say, I am a psychology major suffering from terrible panic attackas and anxiety, and my severely depressed brother just got laid off from his job and doesn't know who to turn to (he refuses to talk to me/we haven't had an actual conversation since junior high). Thanks mom and dad! The "lack of communication" thing messed up both your kids!

[dacrunkest]

Heck no. Absolutely, definitively not. Could never happen. I don't think I could live with them long-term anymore, but that's because I like my independence. I have unconditional love for pretty much everyone in my family. They could just about do anything and I would go to bat for them...