Balance of power in relationships?

[dostoy]

Does anyone agree with this or am I a heartless bastard who doesn't believe in true love? Everyone wants to get into a relationship because they get something out of it. Here's the thing, opposites attract, like a shy person will work good with an outgoing person, because the outgoing person needs constant attention and the shy person doesn't, and that's how it will work. There's a girl right now I have a crush on, and everyone around us knows it, and she says to other people she doesn't know why I don't do something about it, but when I'm around her she doesn't seem to care one way or the other about me. Usually girls give you subtle signals, such as laugh at your jokes even if they're lame. This girl is very non chanlant to me. Throw me a bone. I think she would agree to go on dates with me if I asked, but my gut says it would never go anywhere, she just ins't in to me so if we did end up going out she'd have all the power, I'd have to be constantly trying to please here while she wouldn't have to do anything. I feel like if that's the case it's not worth my time and I'd rather be single.

[Kitty]

Um, you're worrying about power struggles before you've even gone out with this girl? One step at a time.

[weary]

[healthy] relationships are not about power

[WorkInProgress]

Oh no! You took the bait!

[Kitty]

Oh no! You took the bait!

Dostoy? Or the people that responded to his post? :huge:

[Winter Storm]

Everyone wants to get into a relationship because they get something out of it.

I had to stop here as I don't agree with this statement. At least that is not what I hear. :rolleyes:

[CTGirl]

I had to stop here as I don't agree with this statement. At least that is not what I hear. :rolleyes:

I do actually agree with that statement, it's just a very basic way of describing things. We only go into things in life to get something out of it, that's obvious. We have friends because they provide us with something we don't have otherwise - fun, companionship, etc, and the same goes for dating.

As for your "opposites attract" philosophy, I dont exactly agree there. I believe that in a good relationship, the 2 people compliment one another, they're not opposites, and there's a distinct difference there. You have to be similar on some crucial levels, but be able to pick up where the other leaves off in some other areas.

With regard to this chick, she may very well like you and just be playing the "hard to get" game, or she may be really shy. If you like her, go ahead and make some moves on her (especially since she's said things to other people about wanting you to) and then see where it goes from there. If you take her out, and she still gives you the cold shoulder, then forget about her, but at least give her a fair shot.

[Winter Storm]

I do actually agree with that statement, it's just a very basic way of describing things. We only go into things in life to get something out of it, that's obvious.

The part I was disagreeing with is the part about how everybody wants to be in relationships. In my experience, lots of people don't.

[dostoy]

How about, this, does it become too late? Like this is how the situation has been since summertime, so is it too late, will this girl be mad at me for taking forever to ask her out?

[CTGirl]

The part I was disagreeing with is the part about how everybody wants to be in relationships. In my experience, lots of people don't.

Ah, well I read it differently than that: I read it as "people want to be in relationships because they get something out of it" not saying that everyone wants to be in a relationship, but that was the reason that everyone would want to be in a relationship.

[CTGirl]

How about, this, does it become too late? Like this is how the situation has been since summertime, so is it too late, will this girl be mad at me for taking forever to ask her out?

Well there's onyl one way to find out!

If she likes you, she wont be mad at you for taking too long, and if she is, well that's just dumb, cuz she coulda asked you out too :googly:

[WorkInProgress]

How about, this, does it become too late? Like this is how the situation has been since summertime, so is it too late, will this girl be mad at me for taking forever to ask her out?

Don't know about your case, specifically, but yes, sometimes it does become too late.

[shimma]

Does anyone agree with this or am I a heartless bastard who doesn't believe in true love? .

The latter. In healthy relationships or even friendships, the only thing people are "after" is happiness with another human being.

[CTGirl]

The latter. In healthy relationships or even friendships, the only thing people are "after" is happiness with another human being.

But isnt that "happiness" just the thing you're after getting out of it? Same idea.

I dont think he was implying that people want material things from relationships, but I could be wrong there.

[Kitty]

Anyone in a relationship, obviously, does want something out of it, whether that's companionship, love, etc.