why do girls do this

[fearlesss]

Why do girls try to look for whats wrong with the guy they are seeing?

I am seeing this girl named Amy. Amy invited me to a former coworkers birthday party so we went with another couple (bob and beth, who are also coworkers of hers). So when beth and Amy went to the washroom, I asked Bob (whos on amys team for work) what has she said about me. He did the whole loyality as friend to her speach. But that she really likes me and that she thinks I'm too good and is trying to figure out whats wrong with me. So she has been asking her friends that have met me, what they think . Whats the point? I mean if you look hard enough you will find something. when amy and I were talking, I casually was like if you look hard enough I am sure you'll find something.

[WorkInProgress]

I don't know why Amy is doing this...but I could come up with several possibilities.

[wordsmith]

I dunno. I don't. If anything, I gloss over flaws and see the good, only. Also not the best thing to do.

[Kitty]

Sounds like a drama queen attribute.

[CTGirl]

I hope this doesnt turn into a thread bashing girls named Amy :razz:

I'm not sure I can tell you why all girls do this, we do, you're right, but at least in my case, it's not quite as bad as it may seem. When a guy comes across as super perfect from the beginning, you start to wonder "gosh, there must be something wrong with him." And you start to kinda look for it, just so you know he's normal, and not some kind of perfect superfreak, lol.

I have been in this situation a couple times, and I'm always relieved when I find that he does in fact have weaknesses.

I guess a person just doesn't seem "real" unless they have faults. An old bf of mine used to really like it when I was dressed like a bum, for instance, cuz he said it reminded him that I was "a real person."

[Winter Storm]

I'll bite and say skeptical nature.

She's trying to prepare herself for what may come up in the future and attempt to soften the blow and keeping her eyes open so not to get too attached in case it is something that can't be overcome.

[WorkInProgress]

CTGirl, that is one of the nicer possibilties I was thinking of.

[CTGirl]

CTGirl, that is one of the nicer possibilties I was thinking of.

Yeah, I like to look at things on the positive side sometimes, especially for us Amys out there :huge:

[fearlesss]

CTgirl and winter thats kind of the thought process I had. It doesn't bug me b/c everytime you start dating someone you asre being tested when you met their friends.

[CTGirl]

Yeah, I wouldnt be too worried about it if I were you. In general, if you're thinking about dating someone, and have access to people who know that person better than you, you're going to ask around a bit, cuz your judgement can be clouded, and its good to get some outside input - good or bad.

[cache]

When I feel that I am coming off that way, I try to throw in some flaws myself. Just by working into a conversation one of my failures, it makes people more comfortable. Plus, I don't mind anyone finding my flaws, they have helped make me who I am today, and I am confident that there is nothing out there too damaging...or anything that to a well-adjusted person would be a dealbreaker..

[CTGirl]

When I feel that I am coming off that way, I try to throw in some flaws myself. Just by working into a conversation one of my failures, it makes people more comfortable. Plus, I don't mind anyone finding my flaws, they have helped make me who I am today, and I am confident that there is nothing out there too damaging...or anything that to a well-adjusted person would be a dealbreaker..

Agreed, most guys seem to find my flaws amusing, or interesting at least, lol.

[coll214]

Agreed, most guys seem to find my flaws amusing, or interesting at least, lol.
Yeah, same here.

I think like CTGirl said it could also be that she's been 'duped' before for lack of a better word. For all intents and purposes thinks she's with a great guy and then POOF! finds out something not so great. Not saying this is you obviously, but it happens, and frequently unfortunately. And once you're emotionally invested, tend to overlook that particular overbearing flaw.

[cache]

Yeah, once you've had a few bad experiences, I think you get the mindset that something must be wrong with everyone, and if nothing is wrong, then that in itself is the flaw you are looking for.

[wordsmith]

Something IS wrong with everyone.

[WorkInProgress]

Yeah, once you've had a few bad experiences, I think you get the mindset that something must be wrong with everyone, and if nothing is wrong, then that in itself is the flaw you are looking for.

Quite probably...because nobody's perfect. Seriously. Even if it's just a little, comical flaw.

Crosspost, words.

[wordsmith]

y'don't say, WIP, y'don't say...

[cache]

I was just trying to make the point that some people go looking for that stuff as if everyone should be wearing a scarlett(sp?) letter, when often the flaws are the good things...

[WorkInProgress]

y'don't say, WIP, y'don't say...

Well, it's hard not to, when the best response is a universal truism.

[WorkInProgress]

I was just trying to make the point that some people go looking for that stuff as if everyone should be wearing a scarlett(sp?) letter, when often the flaws are the good things...

And that's a good point.

To answer your question, "scarlet" is the color, "Scarlett" is the character.

[kikisanders]

they doi it cuz they are afraid of getting hurt.so they try toi find as soon as possible what is wrong so that they dont get hurt later.
reassure her and tell her she can be open with you, that she can feel safe.

[stonemonkey]

Guys do it too, if something's too good to be true, it probably is.

[fearlesss]

Plus, I don't mind anyone finding my flaws, they have helped make me who I am today, and I am confident that there is nothing out there too damaging...or anything that to a well-adjusted person would be a dealbreaker..


exactly. I do not have anything to hide but it's kinda of funny that he told me that she thinks I'm too good. could be that she actually met a truely nice guy :eek: lol

[SunDevil]

they doi it cuz they are afraid of getting hurt.so they try toi find as soon as possible what is wrong so that they dont get hurt later.

I like this reason as well.

Maybe she is insecure with her own problems that it would work out better if both of you had something wrong with you. Then you couldn't use what is wrong with her in any arguments without her bringing up your faults.

Or she is seeing if you will let who you really are out, in order to see if you trust her enough with your secrets.

Plus it is more interesting when the girls get together to talk about what is wrong, then it is to stay every thing is boring and normal. ;)