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View Full Version : Why do I still hurt?


sandman1981
10-30-2006, 06:10 PM
About mid-May I started talking to this girl I work with, I'll call her JILL. Just IM online every night for about an hour. Well I knew she had a boyfriend I'll call him Bob (who all so works with us). So in June we started hanging out together about once or twice a week. We would go bowling or to a restaurant and just to talk.
Then she tells me that one of her favorite bands are on tour. And we live an hour apart. So she ask if it was ok if she could spend the night over at my house. So before the concert she told me she had feelings for me. And a few days before the concert she tried to dump her boyfriend but he flipped out in the parking lot and she felt sorry for him and took him back. So we went to the concert and that night she slept in my bed and I slept in the living room. Well the next day she told me her back was hurting. So I give her a back massage with Ice and Lotion. So the for the next few weeks we kept talking online each night. Plus we would see each other two or more times a week. One of the things she told me was that she never had a orgasm. And that her boyfriend wouldn't give her Oral. So finally after knowing how we both felt about each other and after waiting on her to dump her boyfriend (which she didn't) one day in july after giving her a massage I kissed her I ask her did she love me she told me “YES” so then I went down on her. She told me i could do anything I wanted to her that she wouldn't say NO. So instead of having intercourse i just keep everything ORAL because I wanted to save intercourse when we started officially dating. At this point I was still her secret and NO one at work knew us because her boyfriend still worked there. So I fell in love with her. She told me that she could see us living together. And she told me that see prayed to my mother(who passed 5 years ago) to ask if she was right for me. I never felt this way about anyone before. Well move on to August she finally broke-up with her boyfriend when she moved back to her dorm room. To make things more odd I was in the room when they broke-up. They broke-up over the phone. Now she tells me that she still wants to be with me but she wanted to wait a month or two before we told everyone we were dating. Then I noticed that she didn't have the time to talk to me on the phone or online like she did during the summer. Then she started saying she was busy with college all of the time which I believed her. Then in September after calling off diner plans two days in a row I see her getting out of another male coworker car in the parking lot. To which I walked out there and the only thing she said to me was “Hi” “I have to get back to College now”
So I told both the co-worker I seen her in the parking lot and Bob about what happen. Then two days later I get a nasty message from her on myspace saying that “what are you doing telling them and I'm free to do what ever I want, Leave me alone” then two of her friends also leaves me messages the same day.
Needless to say I was heartbroken about what I seen. Lucky she's not fulltime were I work, she only works weekends So I don't have to she her that much. This past Saturday was the first time I seen her in a month and for some reason it still hurts. I try not to think about it but it's still on my mind even tho it's has been over a month. So I guess my question is what's the best way to get Closure ?

shimma
10-30-2006, 06:13 PM
Sorry, Sandman, that you're going through this. :sad:

I guess tell yourself you deserve better than some girl who obviously has some need to cheat and keep you as a dirty little secret?

She may not give you any closure, so you need to make your own.

dddork
10-30-2006, 06:16 PM
what is a girl doing at your place doing stuff when she has a bf?!? NOT RIGHT!.. What would you do if someone did that to your gf?!?

Girls like these are best kept as booty calls.

shimma
10-30-2006, 06:18 PM
Girls like these are best kept as booty calls.

No, ddd, they're obv best stayed away from if you're OP.

CTGirl
10-30-2006, 06:20 PM
Sorry dude, sounds like she totally played you, and in a pretty immature fashion at that.

She doesnt seem like that great a girl, so I'd say just do what you can to forget about her and move on to better things. It'll take time, healing always does, but it seems to me anyone would be better off without a chick like that.

dddork
10-30-2006, 06:27 PM
whats an OP?

Chameleon
10-30-2006, 06:29 PM
To recap:
Jill spent an hour each night flirting with you when she had a boyfriend
After a failed breakup attempt, Jill took her boyfriend back out of pity
While still with her boyfriend, Jill has you go down on her and I bet didn't reciprocate
Once finally free of her boyfriend, she still keeps you as her dirty little secret and moves on to another guy at work
You tell her ex and her new boy toy about your secret relationship
Jill and her friends send you nasty grams and ask you to leave her alone


I'm not sure what you expect in terms of closure. You got involved with a taken woman who didn't have enough respect for her boyfriend to be honest and leave him or leave you alone. Hurt by her ignoring you, you lash out and intentionally damage her relationship with her ex and new beau. You got played and you got your revenge, right? What more do you want?

shimma
10-30-2006, 06:45 PM
whats an OP?

Original Poster. ;):

sandman1981
11-01-2006, 05:21 PM
To recap:
Jill spent an hour each night flirting with you when she had a boyfriend
After a failed breakup attempt, Jill took her boyfriend back out of pity
While still with her boyfriend, Jill has you go down on her and I bet didn't reciprocate
Once finally free of her boyfriend, she still keeps you as her dirty little secret and moves on to another guy at work
You tell her ex and her new boy toy about your secret relationship
Jill and her friends send you nasty grams and ask you to leave her alone


I'm not sure what you expect in terms of closure. You got involved with a taken woman who didn't have enough respect for her boyfriend to be honest and leave him or leave you alone. Hurt by her ignoring you, you lash out and intentionally damage her relationship with her ex and new beau. You got played and you got your revenge, right? What more do you want?


I guess the self-respect I lost for myself by allowing myself to be placed in that situation.

weary
11-01-2006, 05:26 PM
I guess the self-respect I lost for myself by allowing myself to be placed in that situation.

DAMN. sorry you went through that and kudos to you for recognizing.

and chameleon...great post.

sandman1981
11-11-2006, 11:53 PM
I had to work with her for the 1st time in awhile last weekend & this weekend.
One of the things I've notice is that she won't look at me at all.
I guess she feels guilty.

wordsmith
11-12-2006, 12:00 AM
She really should. She sounds like a pain in the ass.

sandman1981
11-13-2006, 08:13 AM
She really should. She sounds like a pain in the ass.

She is.

If I could turn the hands of time back I would never made that mistake.

But I pay for it everyday at work. because the 3rd guy she IS seeing use to be a friend.