turning first dates into second dates

[Hale]

OK, so what's the deal with this? I've been going on dates with girls through internet sites, and I just can't seem to figure out what's going wrong. I've gone on 3 dates, 2 through eharmony, and 1 through match after I stopped using eharmony because of this. Basically we go out, I have an ok time, at the end of the date the girl says she had a good time, the subject of me calling to go on a second date comes up, they say they'd like that. Then I call, they don't answer, and they don't return my calls. This even happend with the girl who brought up a second date on her own. As I was getting off the metro she said "hey, you can call me if you want" then when I did she didn't answer and I never heard from her again.

Clearly I'm not great at this, but it seems to me that if these girls don't want to go out with me again they shouldn't tell me to call. Is there something that causes girls to consistently lie to me? Also how many times is an appropriate number to try contacting someone before giving up?

[wordsmith]

Three people you didn't mesh with isn't exactly a lot.

Why'd the say, "Yeah, sure, call me," if they didn't wanna go out again? Hmm, misguided attempt to politely let you down if they weren't feeling it? Wussing out of just sying, "Nope, not feeling it" on the spot? Dating several guys and got sidetracked by one of them, so even though they may have intended to call you, plans changed? It's very hard to say.

But three dates coming to not much isn't a whole lot in the grand scheme of things. And hardly a pattern at this point. Don't worry about it, keep dating till you happen across somebody who wants to make it a repeat. Then play it by ear.

[Kitty]

Three people you didn't mesh with isn't exactly a lot.


My first reaction as well.

Anyway, a lot of people just say they want you to call or whatever because they think it's the polite thing to do and they're fake. It's just life. It happens to everyone - try not to let it bother you.

[nxn]

Personally I dont like the idea of meeting people on the internet with the intention to date, or atleast simply meeting and going on a date straight of way.

Maybe try something a little more relaxed next time around. Dating can be full on anyways. Try a group situation, a few friends, some of her friends, etc.

I know personally, and my friends have been in the same situation, even thou you may like the other person, being nervious, fear even can override your desire to see that person again. It might sound a little weird.

[wordsmith]

Dates that don't get repeats aren't confined to online dating, at all, though.

[CTGirl]

Basically we go out, I have an ok time, at the end of the date the girl says she had a good time

If I only have an "ok" time on a date, I probably wouldnt want a second date either.

And like the others say, 3 dates is hardly a trend, I've gone out on lots of dates with guys from eharmony who didnt make it past the first date, but then some did, so don't give up!

[dostoy]

Come on, ok is pretty good, I mean how many dates start great? Ok is at least good enough to give it a second try.

[CTGirl]

Come on, ok is pretty good, I mean how many dates start great? Ok is at least good enough to give it a second try.

I've had lots of first dates that went "great" not "ok"

[dostoy]

I've had lots of first dates that went "great" not "ok"
Me too, well I have had one "great" first date, but anyway I am just saying throw a dog a bone ladies!

[wordsmith]

Unless you're dating around, and have various people you're seeing, in which case you're not going to bother with just okay, when a date with somebody else might be great.

I've been in positions where I've been dating (casually) a few guys at once...in that situation, if I have a so-so date, I'll probably cut my losses and focus my energies on one of the other guys. If there's nobody else I'm seeing, I might give a so-so date another shot, b/c why not, what else do I have going on?

[dostoy]

Well it takes a long time to get to know somebody, more than one date anyway, some of these so so guys you're cutting lose could be "the one"!

[dddork]

do you go for a kiss after your first date?!? Does she want to get kissed?!?

you gotto watch out for IOI's

[wordsmith]

Well it takes a long time to get to know somebody, more than one date anyway, some of these so so guys you're cutting lose could be "the one"!
That's fine if you're looking for "the one," but if you're just looking to get out and socialize and have fun, you're gonna skip the "just okay" ones.

[Chameleon]

you gotto watch out for IOI's
???? Translation please.

[dostoy]

That's fine if you're looking for "the one," but if you're just looking to get out and socialize and have fun, you're gonna skip the "just okay" ones.
Evil woman! ;):

[wordsmith]

Not everyone's trying to get married.

[dostoy]

Not everyone's trying to get married.
But of course open relationships are from the devil.

[SmilesSoSweet]

But of course open relationships are from the devil.

She's not saying that she's looking for an open relationship either.

She's just dating; meeting new people and getting to know them. There's a complete difference there.

[shimma]

OK, so what's the deal with this? I've been going on dates with girls through internet sites, and I just can't seem to figure out what's going wrong. I've gone on 3 dates, 2 through eharmony, and 1 through match after I stopped using eharmony because of this. Basically we go out, I have an ok time, at the end of the date the girl says she had a good time, the subject of me calling to go on a second date comes up, they say they'd like that. Then I call, they don't answer, and they don't return my calls. This even happend with the girl who brought up a second date on her own. As I was getting off the metro she said "hey, you can call me if you want" then when I did she didn't answer and I never heard from her again.

Clearly I'm not great at this, but it seems to me that if these girls don't want to go out with me again they shouldn't tell me to call. Is there something that causes girls to consistently lie to me? Also how many times is an appropriate number to try contacting someone before giving up?

I don't think 3 is a pattern, or even something to worry about. It's always possible they didn't feel it, or you said something that signalled a dealbreaker, etc.

But the fact that you're on eharmony makes me wonder - keep in mind I had a couple comicallyhorrible dates thru eharmony because the guy wanted to get married like tomorrow, didn't matter to whom, and came on wayyyyy too strong... and frankly, the "normal" guys I met through that site all had similar stories of desperate dates who came on too strong. It was about a 50-50 split between great guys and guys who probably were nice before they developed their psychotic desperation.

Obv I'm not bashing you for being on eharmony when I've done it myself, or bashing people who look to get married when I'm doing it myself.... and also I don't know you. But it's just food for thought.

[shimma]

She's not saying that she's looking for an open relationship either.

She's just dating; meeting new people and getting to know them. There's a complete difference there.


psst... I think OP's a he. ;)

[LaFille]

But the fact that you're on eharmony makes me wonder - keep in mind I had a couple comicallyhorrible dates thru eharmony because the guy wanted to get married like tomorrow, didn't matter to whom, and came on wayyyyy too strong...
sounds like the people they pick for 'the bachelor.' where do they FIND these people?!

[SmilesSoSweet]

psst... I think OP's a he. ;)

I was referring to dosoty comment to wordsmith's post.

[dddork]

???? Translation please.


Indicators of Intent

[hellboy]

..just looking to get out and socialize and have fun..
I might be going out with my friends wife to a live theater tonight. My friend may not like it if she says she is dating me.

[wordsmith]

But of course open relationships are from the devil.

Who said anything about open relationships?

Going on dates is not being in a relationship.

[wordsmith]

I might be going out with my friends wife to a live theater tonight. My friend may not like it if she says she is dating me.

Probably, if you're not on a date with her.

[hellboy]

Probably, if you're not on a date with her.
Naah, i dont date people who are just looking to get out and socialize and have fun and are already in a relationship/not looking for potential relationship.

[wordsmith]

Probably a wise move.

[spokes]

given first date jitters and all i think having an ok time is the goal of a first date - if it is better than ok then the goal has been exceeded.

[shimma]

I was referring to dosoty comment to wordsmith's post.

LOL, sorry. :razz:

[shimma]

sounds like the people they pick for 'the bachelor.' where do they FIND these people?!

Eharmony's rejects, of course! :huge: