Should I get my own apartment?

[gradgirl]

I currently have a roommate, and am trying to figure out if I should get my own apartment next year (the landlords want to know if we're renewing the lease in the next few days, even though the lease doesn't end until May). My roommate was pretty much my best friend last year, and we were all excited to get an apartment together. However, she started dating this guy, and stays at his place almost every night. We used to hang out alot, but now we don't. She never wants to do anything except hang out alone with her boyfriend. So, the only time I see her at the apartment is when she's picking up clothes or stuff to bring to her boyfriend's apt. I feel like the only times we hang out now are for a few minutes here and there when she's doing laundry here or doesn't want to be at her boyfriend's place. Last year we were really close friends, and now this year I feel like she doesn't care about doing things with me anymore.

She's currently discussing moving in with her boyfriend next year. So, if she does, then obviously I'll move and get a new apartment (I don't really want to get a new roommate). However, if they decide not to get an apartment, I'm not sure if I want to keep this one with her anyway. I don't like feeling like I'm someone she no longer wants to hang out with unless she has to do something at our apartment.

It is pretty nice having a cheaper apartment (cheap because I have a roommate paying half the rent), and it is a nice apartment. But, is it worth it to keep living here with a roommate who no longer seems to want me as a friend? I would really appreciate some opinions! I'm not even sure if my complaints are legitimate, or if I should stop whining and just get over it because I basically have a two-bedroom apartment to myself anyway.

[Ciderhillnh]

I think its fine to be upset that your friend is spending all her time with her BF, if its new in their relationship then I doubt its because she doesn’t want to hang out with you anymore.

Personally I think you have the best of both worlds….you have a nice apartment all to yourself for HALF the cost.

[WorkInProgress]

Well, if I were in this situation, I would seriously come up with a list of option and list the pros and cons of each. And talk with the friend/roommate seriously about this issue.

[Ciderhillnh]

This thought just came to me……

I know this girl is your close friend….but when living with anyone, does it really matter how much they are at the place or not?
Can you really sit someone down and say I don’t like how you spend so much time at your BFs and not here in our apartment?

[CTGirl]

I understand that you're annoyed about your friend's new bf, but as far as your living situation is concerned, I dont really see a problem here.

[sondra_finchley]

Word of caution in case she signs up with you again, but then moves in with the bf at another time ( especially if you have a year lease). Would she sublet her place in the apartment in order to not pay the rent if shes still in the lease? Maybe its better now for you both to go your own ways so you can have some control over where and with whom you are living in the next year.

[SmilesSoSweet]

Even though you say she was your best friend last year and isn't around the apartment much this year because of her bf, really in the end she's just your roommate.

Roommates don't have to hang out together at all. They can if they wish, but it's not a part of the lease you signed.

And put yourself in her position, would you stop spending all your time with a new bf just to hang out at your apartment with your roommate?

You do have the best of both worlds - an apartment that you basically have all to yourself and a roommate that pays for half the rent who's hardly there.

Now if she decides to move out then that would be my only concern to start looking for another place to live by yourself.

[Chameleon]

Word of caution in case she signs up with you again, but then moves in with the bf at another time ( especially if you have a year lease). Would she sublet her place in the apartment in order to not pay the rent if shes still in the lease? Maybe its better now for you both to go your own ways so you can have some control over where and with whom you are living in the next year.
I agree. If it's a question of whether to keep your friend as a roommate, it depends on how soon she's going to decide to move in with her boyfriend. If you are comfortable living with someone else, get a new roommate but there's no guarantee that there won't be bigger "problems".

It sucks when you lose a friend to a significant other. But it could be much worse - imagine if your friend and the boyfriend every second of day with their hands all over each other all the time and having really loud sex at all hours of the day and night. What if you hated the boyfriend and his annoying friends that he always brought over? Or your roommate begrudgingly spent time with you and whined about being away from him constantly? Or if your roommate left a lot of chaos in her wake before disappearing to her boyfriend's place?

You've got a pretty sweet setup, assuming your roommate doesn't bail on you before lease is up. Why are the landlords asking about the lease so early?

[cache]

This is irrelevant, but may tip you in one direction: If you have never lived completely by yourself before, this might be a good, and possibly the only opportunity you will ever have. there is a big difference between living by yourself and and living with a roommate who is never there...

[dostoy]

Why move to by yourself when you're basically doing so right now? Having a great friend to live with is great, not so much if they're never around, but living alone can be great too, just be greatful it isn't a crappy roommate who is ALWAYS there. I say get another roommate if this one moves in with her bf, that's what I'd do unless I was rich, but either way good luck.

[gradgirl]

It sucks when you lose a friend to a significant other. But it could be much worse - imagine if your friend and the boyfriend every second of day with their hands all over each other all the time and having really loud sex at all hours of the day and night.

haha, great point!

Thanks for all the responses, it helps to have some input from people who aren't affected by the situation! Everyone made some really good points. I guess I'm really just more sad that I'm losing my friend...I know that having a roommate does not mean that they have to be your friend, but it sucks that we were previously friends and have just become roommates without doing any of the stuff that we used to do. And I guess it's not really that I mind her never being at the apartment, the thing that bothers me is that she no longer wants to get together with me and hang out or anything, with or without her boyfriend (we all used to hang out together, so it's not like we can't all have fun together or with a group of people like we used to).

At any rate, she told me that she is going to get an apartment with her boyfriend next year, so I'm just going to go ahead and get my own apartment (housing around here is pretty cheap, I can easily get an apartment for $550/mo or less).

It just sucks that it looks like I've lost a good friend seeing how we don't hang out or talk at all anymore.

[WorkInProgress]

It might actually help your friendship not to live with her. It's a possibility that that won't happen, of course, but you could pursue hanging out to do something fun, rather than expecting to hang out "whenever" because you hypothetically could, all the time.

And I hear you on the suckiness of losing a friend to an SO. Not fun.

[dostoy]

That always happens to me, I never see my friends anymore once they get girlfriends, I don't let it bother me though because I know I'd be the same way, if I got a gf.