Question about a girl I met

[Jman06]

I met this girl at a party for my apts at a bar and started talking to her. She just moved here from another city and didnt know anyone and was alone and our convo went well and I said i'd call her. So I did and left a message and she never called me back. I don't get it. I dont think she is "above me" or anything. I am attractive and have a decent job. She said she doesnt know anyone so I figured she would call me on that alone and I thought everything went well when we talked. Its not like I didnt get a good vibe or anything and usually women will call me back.
All I can think of is that she has a bf back home or something and was looking to meet people? Whats up with this?

[embrassezla]

Is there any point in trying to determine why? I think we know from other stories on this board that sometimes people don't return phone calls, even when things (seemingly) went perfectly well, and there's no reason to beat yourself up or try to psychoanalyze it. Give it an "oh well" and move on.

[WorkInProgress]

How long has it been since you called her?

Also, you're really freaking out about this. You just met her once, right?

[Jman06]

We met Wed and i called her Saturday.

[WorkInProgress]

We met Wed and i called her Saturday.


...and it's Monday. If it took you 3 days to call, what makes you think she's going to just snap up and return your call asap? It's been a day and a half. She's not waiting by the phone for you (which is good!), and she may yet call. Or not.

[Chameleon]

How many women do you plan on juggling at once?! Since she is one of many why are you so hung up on her not calling you back?

It's been 2 days. Breathe.

[wordsmith]

Seriously, when you're already juggling, does it really matter if you get the instant call-back? It's not like you're sitting around waiting.

[Jman06]

Ya. But its more about wanting to know why she didnt call. I called and asked if she wanted to do something that night. I just want to see her again to see if I like her or not. I meet women in bunches and then go on drouts so I have to go after all of them.

[wordsmith]

I'm guessing if she didn't call back to do something that night, maybe she wasn't around that night.

[dddork]

may be she is busy but more importantly you are busy too.. and you shouldn't be waiting for her call.. Its her loss.. You are a great guy!..

[WorkInProgress]

I'm guessing if she didn't call back to do something that night, maybe she wasn't around that night.

Good call.

[WorkInProgress]

Ya. But its more about wanting to know why she didnt call. I called and asked if she wanted to do something that night. I just want to see her again to see if I like her or not. I meet women in bunches and then go on drouts so I have to go after all of them.

So, you're freaking out because she didn't call you right back about getting together on a spur of the moment thing after it took you 3 days to call her? And you just want to see if you like her?

If I were the girl in this situation this is exactly why I wouldn't have returned your call. Other than already having plans.

[Jman06]

So, you're freaking out because she didn't call you right back about getting together on a spur of the moment thing after it took you 3 days to call her? And you just want to see if you like her?

If I were the girl in this situation this is exactly why I wouldn't have returned your call. Other than already having plans.

Well I told her I'd call her that weekend sometime. Isnt there a 3 day rule anyways

[wordsmith]

Well I told her I'd call her that weekend sometime. Isnt there a 3 day rule anyways

If there is, why are you not applying it to her calling you back?

[cheshrcarol]

You met on Wednesday and you called on saturday to hang out that night? No wonder she's not calling you back. Waiting last minute never impresses a girl. If it was me, I think you either had other girls going or that you weren't interested enough to make plans ahead of time.

[Chameleon]

I guess the "three day" rule tangled with the "don't accept last minute dates" rule and lost. Chances are at that point she thought you weren't going to call her (a reasonable assumption) and had made other plans.

[LaFille]

i'd be annoyed if a guy called on saturday expecting me to be free to hang out that night. most people have their saturdays planned.

[KCboy]

A recent discussion I had with a couple ladies surpirsed me: they said they wouldn't accept a date for Friday if contacted after Tuesday or Wednesday.

I always thought no plans means available. If a girl called me on Friday and wanted to do something that night, I'd have no problem (given I'm free that night)

[wordsmith]

I would if a. I actually liked the guy and b. happen to not have anything planned.

The "rule," is more a common sense thing, b/c if you ask somebody close to the day you wanna go out, odds are good they'll be unavailable if they have active social lives.

[Winter Storm]

A recent discussion I had with a couple ladies surpirsed me: they said they wouldn't accept a date for Friday if contacted after Tuesday or Wednesday.

I always thought no plans means available. If a girl called me on Friday and wanted to do something that night, I'd have no problem (given I'm free that night)

Those are 'rules' girls and not all girls are like that. I will accept plans at the last minute and have recently.

[wordsmith]

Sometimes, if I already have it in my head that I'm staying in, I really don't wanna make the necessary effort to go out if I wasn't planning to...it's just a matter of not being in the right mindframe. But if I really am super interested in the guy, this won't matter, I'll GET in the right mindframe super quickly.

[WorkInProgress]

If it's somebody I'm friends with or actually know (beyond a random one time meeting), that's different.

If it's somebody who's calling me expecting me to just jump up, um no, unless the plans are really good and there's a good reason for the spontaneity, and I like the guy.

Spontaneity, to me, requires a certain level of intimacy.

[CTGirl]

Spontaneity, to me, requires a certain level of intimacy.

I disagree, I prefer some spontaneity in the guys I date.

[swordfish77]

Haha...I worry about the girls I date, too, sometimes. But you know when she's right for you...don't you? I always do. If you just say a few words at a bar, well, maybe and maybe it won't happen. If you have shared interests and it just feels like you click, well...it'll happen.

[Chameleon]

Sometimes it's hard to figure out whether it's "I just figured out something cool to do and would love for you to join me" or if it's "None of my friends are around, my real date cancelled on me and you couldn't possibly be busy, can you be dressed in an hour?". If I'm always a last minute substitute, that would not be cool.

From what I understand, the "rule" was supposed to stop women from leaving their weekends open or ditching plans with their friends because a guy called at the last minute; leading him to believe that he doesn't have to plan in advance to get to see her because she is always available at the drop of a hat. Declining dates when you have nothing going on to give the illusion that you have something going on is kinda lame though, probably just about as lame as the doormat behavior they are supposedly trying to prevent.