Just Friends?

[Costanza]

So i've been out with this girl 4 times and I still can't tell if she just wants to be friends or if there's potential for something more (I'm really bad at reading signals). So we're meeting up again tonight (this is the only time she initiated getting together) after work for a light dinner and then we're going to work out together at the gym in my apartment complex. I've paid the previous times we've hung out, but she has offered to pay her share the last two times.

If a girl was only interested in just being friends.... would she make more of an effort to pay her share when going out? As opposed to offering to pay her share, but then letting the guy pay when he (I) say "don't worry about it... i'll take care of it".

Another factor that could play into this is that she has a lot of debt from her college loans(still accumulating because she's in grad school) and her job now doesn't pay that well. She knows that I'm financially stable and I can afford it, but at the same time I don't think(99% sure) she's the kind of person that would only hang out with someone because she doesn't have to pay.

So I guess my question is..... is who pays any indication of whether or not someone wants to be just friends or if there's potential for something more than friendship?

Maybe tonight will be a better indicator since this is the only time she asked to get together?

[MetFanL]

What do you want? If you want to be more, find the moment to try to kiss her. If you don't get slapped, she wants to be more than friends. :)

Pretty much there is no way of knowing without (1) making a move or (2) flat out asking.

[Franti]

-Honestly I totally agree. Don't plan it out or whatever. But get her back to your place relax and when the moment presents itself give it a shot. Seriously it's the only way your going to find out. The girl I'm seeing was super interested in me for hella long and nothing happened until I kissed her. Some girls just wont make the move so it's up to you! Go for it.

[LaFille]

touch her at some point on the arm or on the back (not creepily, just subtly). if she recoils in horror, she's not attracted to you. if she likes it, she probably is!

[wordsmith]

If a girl was only interested in just being friends.... would she make more of an effort to pay her share when going out? As opposed to offering to pay her share, but then letting the guy pay when he (I) say "don't worry about it... i'll take care of it".

If you say this after a girl (whether friend or something else), offers to pay her share, most girls won't arm wrestle you over it, just FYI. I say no indication one way or another.

[SmilesSoSweet]

I'll be honest, if I'm hanging out with a guy it's because I'm interested in the guy for more than just being friends.

I'll still offer to pay for things only because I don't expect the guy to pay for everything all the time.

But I also think my way of thinking, kicks me in the ass later, because the guys I hang out with I end up being "just a friend" and the one that gets to hear the guy talk about the girl he's interested in. :neutral:

I'm also not really good at reading signals.

[Costanza]

Pretty much there is no way of knowing without (1) making a move or (2) flat out asking.
I kinda knew that was going to be the consensus... I was just trying to find some way .... any way around it.

touch her at some point on the arm or on the back (not creepily, just subtly). if she recoils in horror, she's not attracted to you. if she likes it, she probably is!
I actually had two good opportunities to put my arm around her last night when she was at my place. First chance was when we were sitting on my couch (with about a 12-inch buffer), we had both gotten up and then sat back down again (I sat in the same spot, but the buffer was not reduced to about 2 inches), we got up again and sat back down (and this time it returned back to the 12 inch buffer). Like I said I'm really bad at reading signals, so either that could've been a signal or just a coincidence that she sat closer to me. Second chance was when she was putting her plate/glass in the sink and was going to wash them... I was standing behind her and could've/should've made some kind of move instead of just telling her she doesn't have to take care of the dishes.

I guess I'll just try to be on the look out for possible moments where I could make some kind of move. Hopefully one comes up tonight... I just hope I follow through and go for it instead of chickening out. Thanks for the advice guys.

[WorkInProgress]

Yep, I agree with Met. Those are basically your options.

[MetFanL]

Don't chicken out!! If this has been going on for a while, she's probably about to burst!! I know I would be...

[KCboy]

if she isn't interested, she would have put up a big fight about paying.

women, no matter how broke, know the implications of paying. she would want to go half or pay next time. they know.

how is the frequency of spending time together? twice a week? once? those are good indicators of interest. if it's once every few weeks, chances aren't as good.

but, the only way to find out is to do something physical. probably more than a touch on the arm. gotta be the kiss. goodnight kisses are usually the best opportunity, because you can get a sense of if they are waiting for it or not.

do it!

[Costanza]

how is the frequency of spending time together? twice a week? once? those are good indicators of interest. if it's once every few weeks, chances aren't as good.

but, the only way to find out is to do something physical. probably more than a touch on the arm. gotta be the kiss. goodnight kisses are usually the best opportunity, because you can get a sense of if they are waiting for it or not.

do it!

The frequency has been once a week since I met her last month. Tonight will be the first we've met up on consecutive nights. But part of the reason why we're meeting up tonight is that she wants to start working out again (she doesn't have a gym membership), so she suggested to have a light dinner together and then go to my place to work out.

We've been stuck in the goodbye hug phase since the first time we met... it's gonna be really hard for me to go in for a kiss unless I get a clearer signal, so I think I'll just try putting my arm around her if I can find the right moment.

[LaFille]

can you ask her 'hey, are we just friends or is there something more going on here?' or is that creepy?

[spiritedaway]

In your case, you'll have to step it up and ask her about it (or ask her out, officially on a "date") to make your intentions known.

Not every girl's the same, but I wouldn't classify whether an outing is date simply by who's paying (you could be two friends hanging out). Personally, if I am hanging out with a friend (guy OR girl), I'd always offer to pay half or if we're long term friends, i'll cover one and you'll pick up the tab next time. Even for a guy I really like, I'd still offer half, regardless, so it really doesn't mean anything.

Now, to be honest, I agree with Smilessosweet. I can only speak for myself but I generally don't hang out with single guy friends (at least one-on-one) on a 'regular' basis, unless there is some sort of interest there, so you're in a good place to make your move now. (Meeting once every few weeks or meeting in a group setting doesn't really count).

So make your move and you'll know for sure where you are. If she's the shy type, you'll definitely have to make your move to move things along. Good luck!

[NoWomanNoCry]

Okay, so a couple of you girls have mentioned that you don't hang out with guy friends one on one unless your interested in something more - and I am the same way. So I'm dying to know if you guys would hang out with a single gal one on one if you weren't interested? I hang out like this with a one of my "friends" like once or twice a week, but I'm to freakin scared to make a move and wondering if he is too. Sorry, don't mean to thread jack. To the OP - if I were single I would not be hanging out with you one on one if I did not like you, so I think your chances are good. What other signs is she sending that she might be interested?

[Chameleon]

You hang out one-on-one because you enjoy each other's company. One person could have deeper feelings or s/he could possibly not feel threatened by you (isn't attracted, knows there's no chance in hell that anything will happen romantically so isn't nervous about having you around all the time).

I've been on the recieving end of the latter, went on quasi-dates, snuggled when watching movies on the couch and eventually got told "I can't date you because my parents won't approve of us dating" though in truth he liked someone else and didn't have the balls to just say that. But this isn't about me :razz:

Don't waste time looking for signs, make a move and/or ask him/her out on a real date. Life will go on even if they say no, and you get to stop tormenting yourself, wondering if s/he is interested.

[spokes]

So I'm dying to know if you guys would hang out with a single gal one on one if you weren't interested?

personally i could not see hanging out one on one with a girl i was not attracted to............

[SmilesSoSweet]

The only guys I hang out with that I'm not interested in only than just friends are my co-workers and another guy friend that I maybe see once every three or four months.

[LaFille]

i have a number of male friends i would hang out with one-on-one, but not to a romantic dinner or something. i'm talking getting a drink or playing pool or something. i think it's obvious there's nothing more going on, and i wouldn't let them pay simply because they were the male in the situation. come to think of it, i always pay for my one friend because he always forgets money... he owes me like $20! :rolleyes:

[Politica2020]

Dang so does that mean that all the times that I've been hanging out with guys one-on-one that I knew I had no interest in that I was wrong? I've had the situation where I assumed the feeling was mutual (just friends), then he tries to make a move on me, and I'm like "Eeew what are you doing?" I had no idea that there was this underlying rule that you guys are discussing :googly:. I've been enlightened!!

[spokes]

I had no idea that there was this underlying rule that you guys are discussing :googly:. I've been enlightened!!

i would not use the term rule, but i would say that generally speaking if we are hanging with you, we are attracted to you on some physical level and there is a good chance that we might like to change the dynamic of the relationship although we recognize that there might be a price to pay if a romantic relationship was to develop and then fizzle.

i have had two really close female friends that i felt would ahve been perfect for me, and to make matters worse they would both go for shady guys with no jobs etc - i never used to get it, but on the flip side i never really let either f them know i was interested in them romantically - although i always suspected that they did not see me in the boyfriend role, but just the friend role.

as an aside one day i'd like to be the star of one of those - "we were really great frieinds and then one day we just looked at each other and the rest is history..." stories.

[Chameleon]

i would not use the term rule, but i would say that generally speaking if we are hanging with you, we are attracted to you on some physical level and there is a good chance that we might like to change the dynamic of the relationship although we recognize that there might be a price to pay if a romantic relationship was to develop and then fizzle.

Sounds like the beginning of another "Guys are only friends with girls they would like to date/There is no such thing as an honest platonic relationship" debate.