Do you feel obliged to produce grandchildren?

[zen_mistress]

Hi :)

I am just asking this as a general question. At first glance the answer seems quite obvious. But I am one of 2 offspring, and neither of us are married. We both receive hints and suggestions we hurry up and have some kids...

I think there is also a general assuption that I will stay in the same city as my parents so they can enjoy access to hypothetical grandkids... though I dont even know if I want to live here (but That is another story),

so does anyone have any thoughts on this issue, of whether they are obliged to produce grandchildren for their parents?

C
~

[wordsmith]

Obligated, no. Wecomed to, yes.

I have two younger, but married, brothers. That takes the pressure off, since both those pairings are opting to have families within the next few years, God willing.

Of my brothers and their wives, one pair lives close to my parents, but they may not always. So my parents may not be grandparents with local grandchildren, which may put the pressure on my sister and I if we remain local.

[winneythepooh7]

I tend to ignore the comments about having grandchildren. It's weird to me because the thought of bringing life into this world scares the shit out of me.

[pisces2473]

I think my mom would be a little put out if there weren't any grandchildren, but I think she'd understand. And, she'd never hint. Right now, she just wants us to get our careers established, be happy, etc. Then, when the time is right, if we have kids, she'd love it.

My dad is going to be a great grandfather, but that's only because he missed out on a lot when my brother and I were young.

[shimma]

I don't think one should make "have children or not" decisions based on a perceived obligation to your parents. When, whether, and how you have children quite frankly isn't anyone else's business but yours and your spouse's.

I have one parent who emphatically does not want grandchildren, another parent who waffles back and forth between two extremes. The objections really piss me off, because it's my life and they're not forced to be involved with grandchildren.

Bottom line is, they'll have grandchildren because FI and I want kids and we're gonna have them. "What our families will think" isn't and shouldn't factor into the decision.

[wordsmith]

Maybe it should scare me more.

[pisces2473]

I don't think one should make "have children or not" decisions based on a perceived obligation to your parents. When, whether, and how you have children quite frankly isn't anyone else's business but yours and your spouse's.

I have one parent who emphatically does not want grandchildren, another parent who waffles back and forth between two extremes.

Tough shit for them, FI and I want kids and we're gonna have them. "What our families will think" isn't and shouldn't factor into the decision.
Seriously! It's not like your parents are gonna have to raise them!

[WorkInProgress]

Obligated? No.

But my parents would like grandkids someday, and fortunately, I'd like to have my own kids. Also fortunately, they'd be just as great to any kids I'd adopt as they would to my biological children.

My brother, though, I'm pretty sure will be feeling pressure from our grandparents to settle down and start a family once he gets his career act together.

[weary]

I tend to ignore the comments about having grandchildren. It's weird to me because the thought of bringing life into this world scares the shit out of me.

it should. seriously. :googly: :0

i wonder why more people don't feel this way...

[wordsmith]

it should. seriously. :googly: :0

i wonder why more people don't feel this way...

I don't know. I know it's a huge and daunting task to do right.


But I look at it as, my parents did it, four times. They did a pretty kickass job, and I'm sure I can do just as good a job as they did. Anything they did, I can do as well, because they raised me that way.

[shimma]

Seriously! It's not like your parents are gonna have to raise them!

Actually, I did plan to bundle the little darlings into the private jet every morning and drop them off at my mom's house. Cheaper and less germs than daycare.

The objections are mostly about my "obligation" to have a career, grad degree, etc, oh, and the fact that women in their 40's routinely get pregnant, no problem, and have easier pregnancies and healthier babies than women in their late 20s and early 30s. :googly:

[dengeist]

Eh, I want to have childen, but I don't feel obligated to making my parents grandparents. When it happens, it'll happen.

[pisces2473]

I don't know. I know it's a huge and daunting task to do right.

But I look at it as, my parents did it, four times. They did a pretty kickass job, and I'm sure I can do just as good a job as they did. Anything they did, I can do as well, because they raised me that way.
Yeah, I know...but I'm still scared. To me, my parents seemed to have their shit together when I was born, much more than I ever will.

[winneythepooh7]

It scares me on so many levels:

1.) What it will do to my body.
2.) The risks involved.
3.) Financial obligation.
4.) Being responsible for this being for the rest of my life.
5.) The physical pain from pregnancy to birth.
6.) Anything could be wrong with the child.
7.) The world today and in the future.


I could probably go on and on and on........

[WorkInProgress]

Yeah, I know...but I'm still scared. To me, my parents seemed to have their shit together when I was born, much more than I ever will.

Yeah, I thought that when I was a kid, but talking with them as a grown up, they had no freakin' clue. My mom was an adult when she got married and when I was born, but she more or less grew up with me, in a lot of ways. And, they didn't own a stick of furniture until I was 18 months old or so. Or, as my mom charmingly puts it, they didn't have a pot to piss in. They worked very hard and got really lucky.

[winneythepooh7]

Yeah, I know...but I'm still scared. To me, my parents seemed to have their shit together when I was born, much more than I ever will.


My mom was like 30 when she had me. My dad I think was 28 or 29. M's parents had him when his mom was just 19 and his dad was 21. My parents were pretty established (good jobs, just built a house). M's parents not so much.

[pisces2473]

Yeah, WIP, you have a good point. My mom was 25 when I was born, but she had already worked for several years as a nurse, my dad was 28 and doing well with the family business. They outright owned a home that they built. They didn't have a ton of money. I'll be 27 in March, I'm not married, not really on a career track yet, no house, etc. It's very different. Not that I want my life to mirror theirs, but there are some things about their life that would be nice to have!

Also, my friend is my age and has an 18 month old. She and her husband seem to have their acts in gear.

[SmilesSoSweet]

Now that my brother is married, my mom is in grandma mode. LOL

Before he got married she and my dad were never like "so when are any of you getting married so that you can give us some grandchildren?"

Also the pressure is on my brother to produce the next "heir" in our family as well. Haha

As soon as my brother and his wife have kids, my sister and I are free! LOL

My brother is the only one of us that still lives in the same state as our parents. He's about 45 miles from my parents right now. His wife is an only child and this would be the first grandchild for my parents too, so this child will be really spoiled. I was joking with my SIL and said that she needs to have twins - one baby for my mom and one for her (bro's MIL) mom. LOL

[weary]

Now that my brother is married, my mom is in grandma mode. LOL

Before he got married she and my dad were never like "so when are any of you getting married so that you can give us some grandchildren?"

Also the pressure is on my brother to produce the next "heir" in our family as well. Haha

As soon as my brother and his wife have kids, my sister and I are free! LOL

My brother is the only one of us that still lives in the same state as our parents. He's about 45 miles from my parents right now. His wife is an only child and this would be the first grandchild for my parents too, so this child will be really spoiled. I was joking with my SIL and said that she needs to have twins - one baby for my mom and one for her (bro's MIL) mom. LOL

ha. i was the first and only grandkid for a while and can attest to this b/c i certainly was ROTTEN. the same applies to my kid and it was (is) so bad that i almost never even buy him gifts (christmas, b-day, whatev) b/c grandmas and great-grandmas overdo it every time.

[WorkInProgress]

Both of my parents said that having kids is what turned them into grown ups. Not jobs, not moving away from home, not high school graduation, etc. I'm already years older than my mother was when she had me. I think, for her, it was taking responsibility for another person that did it. Both of my parents would say that it wasn't really until after my younger brother was born that they really started to have their acts together. (And they never owned a house until I was in middle school.)

My parents have their shit together now, more or less, but they're also around 50. They didn't when they were 25.

(When I was younger, I thought that it was normal for everyone to have such young parents, etc. and I got to counting years, etc. I snapped out of it when it occurred to me that I, personally, didn't want to get married and start having kids in college.)

[LakeJay]

Not obliged. First off I want to eventually have kids. The fact that they will hopefully be grandchildren is an added bonus. Personally I think my parents would amazing grandparents and I would love them to be around so they can do the extra parenting that I and my spouse might miss out on. I was lucky to have 2 of my g-ma's around growing up and I definitely learned a lot from them.

My dad is about as laid back as they get so he's definitely not one to pressure about these things. And my mom...well you just know she'd love to have grandchildren NOW but she's never one to press and she realizes that things will happen when they happen.

[steph78]

My parents definitely started hinting around a couple years after I got married. Nothing overt or making me feel like I was under any serious pressure (they've always been all for me making my own choices in life), but just general comments to let me know a grandchild would be welcomed.

Guess they're getting one now!! Too late to turn back. My husband and I made the decision totally on our own, though - had nothing to do with pressure from our parents. I totally wanted kids several years ago but we decided to wait until we were more prepared financially. Not that we feel 100% prepared...we could always have more money in savings...but then again we could keep increasing our savings for another decade and still feel like we need more. Realistically, we have enough to be comfortable although I doubt we'll be living in luxury.

Yeah, I know...but I'm still scared. To me, my parents seemed to have their shit together when I was born, much more than I ever will.
I always thought this as well - my parents have always seemed so on top of things. Now that I'm about to have a baby of my own, my mom has been telling me all these stories about how clueless they were when I was born and how there was so much stuff they didn't know and had to just figure out as they went along. That makes me feel less anxious - if they could figure it out and be such great parents I am sure we can (especially with mom just a phone call away for support if needed!)

Of course I may be telling a different story in a month when I have a screaming baby on my hands...but that's how I feel now at least. :)

[EmberMae]

My mom currently loathes the idea of grandchildren as it makes her feel old. I am the oldest in my family and my sister is still in high school so I imagine it will be some time before I start receiving any pressure in that department. However, my mom does get upset when I discuss moving 30 minutes away to be closer to my job. :rolleyes: So I don't think she'd take it very well if I moved across the country. anyway...I'm a year older than my parents were when they had me. I still don't know when we will be able to have kids. Many people poorer than us manage it somehow, but I guess I'm spoiled. If we had the $$$ for me to be a SAHM and live comfortably I'd have kids tomorrow but the fact of the matter is I don't think I have the stamina to work the schedule I am working and take care of kids. And it's NOT that tough of a schedule.

[pisces2473]

My mom currently loathes the idea of grandchildren as it makes her feel old. I am the oldest in my family and my sister is still in high school so I imagine it will be some time before I start receiving any pressure in that department. However, my mom does get upset when I discuss moving 30 minutes away to be closer to my job. :rolleyes: So I don't think she'd take it very well if I moved across the country. anyway...I'm a year older than my parents were when they had me. I still don't know when we will be able to have kids. Many people poorer than us manage it somehow, but I guess I'm spoiled. If we had the $$$ for me to be a SAHM and live comfortably I'd have kids tomorrow but the fact of the matter is I don't think I have the stamina to work the schedule I am working and take care of kids. And it's NOT that tough of a schedule.
I really don't think I could have kids and NOT stay home. I'm just not that organized or energetic!

[Krishna]

Pressure would be a polite way to phrase what I'm under...but the pressure is from my grandparents, not my parents.

[zen_mistress]

Thx for your replies all....

I like to read them all to sort of make a continuum in my mind of how much obligation others feel from their own families....

It seems that people have a range of situations, depending on whether they live near their parents or are from a small/large family...

For me I know Im from a small family and live *with* my parents. But I have been wondering of late how living away would make me feel about this issue.

I have also had my grandma suggesting I have kids too so that is another thing...

I think the structure of our families are changing, I bet people didnt move around nearly as much as they do now 50 years ago...

anyway thx.. :)

[Winter Storm]

Uh...kinda.

I'm an only child. My father was an only child and out of my grandmother's 4 siblings, only one other had an only child; and he is 40 plus and has yet to have children. It is unlikely that he will.

So as it stands, I am the last decendent on my father's side and the last one to carry the name.

I kinda feel like I should have children so the family legacy will continue.

[Nelzie]

Well, I dont necessarily fell obligated to give my parents grandchildren, since my sister gave them three. However, they are all boys. My sister tried for a girl three times, and has now given up, she is having no more. So my obligation is to give the granddaughters. Everyone in my family wants girls, with the exception of me. I want boys (so then I will probably have girls, lol). At a recent family gathering my grandfather asked when I would be having a kid. Gee, thanks grandpa, I'm not even dating anyone seriously, but I will get right on that one.

It is weird, while I was in college I was baby crazy. I wanted a baby so bad. I am just glad I did not have one with my ex, that would have been a huge mistake considering how things ended, very not good. But now? I am so not ready to have a baby. It is the last thing I want. I had a pregnancy scare last month and I was FREAKING OUT. I want to enjoy my early twenties. I am not ready to settle down at all. So anyone who is waiting for me to given them a granddaughter will just have to wait.

However, when I did my preceptorship in OB, my supervisor did some voodoo pencil trick on me and according to that, I will have two girls, so I guess that would make everyone happy.

[sparky88]

It scares me on so many levels:

1.) What it will do to my body.
2.) The risks involved.
3.) Financial obligation.
4.) Being responsible for this being for the rest of my life.
5.) The physical pain from pregnancy to birth.
6.) Anything could be wrong with the child.
7.) The world today and in the future.


I could probably go on and on and on........

My thoughts exactly!!!

My grandma had her first child (out of 4 total) at age 21, and while that worked out great for her she has always advised me to at least wait until I'm at least 25 (for many reasons).

I am 24 now my husband is 30. We plan to have kids in 5 years, but it still scares me because of all the above stated reasons. Don't know if I would ever feel completely ready for such a lifestyle change though...

[mishl982]

Well my mom is more gung ho on me getting married before she thinks about grandkids. And I think she's rooting for my cousin to have kids so that takes pressure off of me.

This weekend we were in a bridal shop for my brother's tux fitting (he was one of the groom's men) and she was so ecstatic there. She's all "Michelle, let's look for your wedding dress!" I said mom, I'm not even engaged yet, but eventually had to give in. I told her if I got married I would want a simple dress (and showed her an example which was the simplest of simple) and she goes and find a crazy beaded and ruffly one and says "this is simple, right?" :googly: My mom is so funny. :)

[Ciderhillnh]

Pressure? No
Obligation? Nope none of that either.

My parents have never talked about grandchildren, wanting grandkids, or my having children ever.....so simply put its not a topic or an issue in my family.

[CTGirl]

My mother will occasionally make comments about how fun it'll be to have grandkids (she and my dad will be fantastic grandparents!) but she will always finish any such statement with "but not any time soon!" lol

It seems pretty aparent that I'm the only one out of the 3 of us that my parents foresee having a "traditional" family life in the future, so I'm sure they'd be disappointed if I never had kids. They dont seem in any rush though, and in my family, education and career were always valued over marriage and starting a family.

[shimma]

It scares me on so many levels:


3.) Financial obligation.
4.) Being responsible for this being for the rest of my life.
6.) Anything could be wrong with the child.
7.) The world today and in the future.


I could probably go on and on and on........

and the wrong people are worrying about these things....

no offense, Winney, it's totally your choice and I support you 100% whatever you decide about kids. what just frustrates me when the people who have their shit together, are responsible, good people (ie would be nice parents) are taking these things into consideration but the people who would and do become shitty parents just fuck and pop 'em out with reckless abandon - no thought for how they're gonna feed them, how they're gonna finish HS with a baby, how messed up is their kid gonna be if they party nonstop during their pregnancy, etc, etc.

[pisces2473]

and the wrong people are worrying about these things....

no offense, Winney, it's totally your choice and I support you 100% whatever you decide about kids. what just frustrates me when the people who have their shit together, are responsible, good people (ie would be nice parents) are taking these things into consideration but the people who would and do become shitty parents just fuck and pop 'em out with reckless abandon - no thought for how they're gonna feed them, how they're gonna finish HS with a baby, how messed up is their kid gonna be if they party nonstop during their pregnancy, etc, etc.
Shimma, I always think the exact same things. My bosses are trying to adopt right now, and it's sooo tough for them. Meanwhile kids are being born to people who will just abuse them. UGH.

[red]

I really don't think I could have kids and NOT stay home. I'm just not that organized or energetic!

i wonder how people do it all of the time. i am pretty organized and energetic too, and i don't think i'd necessarily want to SAH FT but man. at the end of the day i am wiped and my current job is low-stress and totally boring.

there has always been pressure for me to have grandkids from my in-laws. but honestly, if/when/how to have children is a very personal matter and i don't appreciate the outside input.

my parents, on the other hand, are very cool and are happy with their granddog.

[pisces2473]

i wonder how people do it all of the time. i am pretty organized and energetic too, and i don't think i'd necessarily want to SAH FT but man. at the end of the day i am wiped and my current job is low-stress and totally boring.
I don't know how people do it. I'm sure if I had to, I could, but I just can't see dropping a 6 week old off at day care to go back to work and then doing all the house stuff, and working, and etc etc etc.

Older kids? Yeah, that's fine b/c they can help around the house and stuff. Which is why, in my perfect Jen universe, I would go back to work part time when my youngest enters 1st grade. LOL

[weary]

and the wrong people are worrying about these things....

no offense, Winney, it's totally your choice and I support you 100% whatever you decide about kids. what just frustrates me when the people who have their shit together, are responsible, good people (ie would be nice parents) are taking these things into consideration but the people who would and do become shitty parents just fuck and pop 'em out with reckless abandon - no thought for how they're gonna feed them, how they're gonna finish HS with a baby, how messed up is their kid gonna be if they party nonstop during their pregnancy, etc, etc.

well, not everybody who does this ruins their kids...at least i don't think so. i try everyday to NOT be an example of that statistic. :redface:

i will readily admit that i def was stupid and young and reckless and got knocked up completely unintentionally in the middle of HS. but in my particular case, it saved my life. he saved my life. nobody could tell me anything - like most teens who think they know everything - until i had to answer to a little helpless person that i was 100% responsible for. and *poof*! suddenly, i was responsible.

(sorry...you guys know this is intensely personal to me.)

[WorkInProgress]

well, not everybody who does this ruins their kids...at least i don't think so. i try everyday to NOT be an example of that statistic. :redface:

i will readily admit that i def was stupid and young and reckless and got knocked up completely unintentionally in the middle of HS. but in my particular case, it saved my life. he saved my life. nobody could tell me anything - like most teens who think they know everything - until i had to answer to a little helpless person that i was 100% responsible for. and *poof*! suddenly, i was responsible.

(sorry...you guys know this is intensely personal to me.)

Weary, you are a sterling example of the best that can happen from a situation like yours.

Unfortunately, I think everyone knows someone who's not.

[HollyM]

My mum really wants grandchildren but I get the impression my dad just wants some peace and quiet for a few years! Luckily I've got 2 sisters and one of them really wants to have kids so hopefully sooner or later my mum will beable to coo and knit jackets... My mum made me laugh the other day cause she was talking about her job and suddenly said that all she wants to do at the moment is hold babies! I was feeling under pressure about the whole settling down with Mr Right and having sproglets recently cause at the moment it just doesn't appeal at all but I was chatting to someone and she reassured me that it's important to do what feels right for you.

[pisces2473]

well, not everybody who does this ruins their kids...at least i don't think so. i try everyday to NOT be an example of that statistic. :redface:

i will readily admit that i def was stupid and young and reckless and got knocked up completely unintentionally in the middle of HS. but in my particular case, it saved my life. he saved my life. nobody could tell me anything - like most teens who think they know everything - until i had to answer to a little helpless person that i was 100% responsible for. and *poof*! suddenly, i was responsible.

(sorry...you guys know this is intensely personal to me.)
I was waaaay late in seeing this thread, but Shimma, please think before you type!!! We have several moms on this board who became pregnant under many different circumstances!

Weary, from what I know of you here, I think you're a great mom. I don't think I could do as much as you've done, all while raising a child.

[zen_mistress]

Yes I think many people, especially women, have this question because we often plan our lives around the idea that we may possibly have a family one day.

For me Im still finding it a bit confusing, but still thinking about it. I guess it really also depends on what the other party wants: the guy, who is not on the horizon yet, and whether he wants a family, and where he will come from and where his family will live. So I guess it is silly of me to be worrying about it when much of the input to the decision will be being made by someone Ive never met :?:

All I can focus on at the moment is the here and now...

[sondra_finchley]

I started getting the press on this issue this year. Parents, having moved back to where they are from, are now in contact all the time with people they went to high school with etc. Its a very small, close community- all I have to do when Im there is say that Im from such-and-such family or my moms maiden name and people light up and instantly know who I am. Of course all the friends of my mom have married off their kids and some have grandkids and my mom has three kids and none of us are married. Ill be 30 next May and Im STILL not bothered about getting married, even though I have a great boyfriend and could see myself marrying him. My brother is 25 and still trying to find his place in the world and my sister just started college, so there is a huge spread. Usually she will come home from hanging out with her friends and make some mention about being a barren grandmother, but I really dont think she expects kids to come from me. Im not a kid person in the least and never have been. Cats yet, kids, no.

[eastcoaster782]

Nope. For me, I just don't like the idea of having children and I'm not going to let someone else make me feel obligated.

[Fashionista]

Truth be told if I told my parents that I was expecting I do not think they would be happy simply because my job situation is not great and I have been talking about going to graduate school. Its clear that I wouldn't have the means (finacial or otherwise) to take care of someone.

My parents didn't have me until they were 27/28 so I guess after I hit that age they *might* be expecting me to have children, but until then who knows.

[shimma]

well, not everybody who does this ruins their kids...at least i don't think so. i try everyday to NOT be an example of that statistic. :redface:

i will readily admit that i def was stupid and young and reckless and got knocked up completely unintentionally in the middle of HS. but in my particular case, it saved my life. he saved my life. nobody could tell me anything - like most teens who think they know everything - until i had to answer to a little helpless person that i was 100% responsible for. and *poof*! suddenly, i was responsible.

(sorry...you guys know this is intensely personal to me.)

Oh Gosh, Weary, I just saw this now... I am sorry. :( I hope you already know though that I think you're a great mom. I mean I know you had Little Man kinda young, but "I wasn't talking about you". You actually care about your child and put his well being first. That makes you unusual amongst parents of many ages and socioeconomic positions.

[TranquilSkye]

so does anyone have any thoughts on this issue, of whether they are obliged to produce grandchildren for their parents?

Sure my family drops hints all the time. They just don't get my enjoyment of school and being self employed and how I want to travel. However, since I'm the oldest child in my immediate family I'm also expected to be the one to care for my mom when she's old and feeble. So whats my response to the inquiries about grandkids? I just tell them I can either have kids or take care of mom, unless of course one of them is volunteering to take my mom in. Funny how the hints suddenly stop. I have a younger sister that I defer the child bearing duties too.

[BLK95TA]

ive never thought about it from my parents point of view, im the second of 3 children and the only male... and i can say without a doubt i am the LEAST likely to be married/have kids...


the chase of me having kids is about .0000001 %

i dont want to say i will never have them, but i am 99.99999% sure i wont...

hell i dont see myself being around for that many more years...ill be lucky to see 30 (i turn 28 in july)

i am physically healthy, just not emotionally or mentally and i just dont see how i can get past 30 at this rate

[SmilesSoSweet]

ive never thought about it from my parents point of view, im the second of 3 children and the only male... and i can say without a doubt i am the LEAST likely to be married/have kids...

My brother also the only boy and second born of three kids. But he's the only one that's married so it's all on him and his wife right now to have kids. My mom and my SIL's mom are just waiting for the day my brother and his wife have a kid. They're ready to be grandmas. If my brother had it his way, they'd at least be pregnant now, but my SIL doesn't want to have kids just yet. She's just 26 and my brother is 29.

[CTGirl]

Sure my family drops hints all the time. They just don't get my enjoyment of school and being self employed and how I want to travel. However, since I'm the oldest child in my immediate family I'm also expected to be the one to care for my mom when she's old and feeble. So whats my response to the inquiries about grandkids? I just tell them I can either have kids or take care of mom, unless of course one of them is volunteering to take my mom in. Funny how the hints suddenly stop. I have a younger sister that I defer the child bearing duties too.

Interesting, my family generally expects both from me - grandchildren and taking care of them when they're older. I guess I'm just the one with the most "normal" lifestyle out of the 3 of us, and I've always been the most responsible (even though I'm the middle, not the oldest), and always had the most earning potential, lol.

When I went home for Thanksgiving, my father dropped hints about grand kids for the first time - I get them from my mom once in a while, but this is the first time I've gotten it from him, so I was really thrown off by it (plus his wasnt followed by my mother's usual "but not right now!")

[WorkInProgress]

Interesting, my family generally expects both from me - grandchildren and taking care of them when they're older. I guess I'm just the one with the most "normal" lifestyle out of the 3 of us, and I've always been the most responsible (even though I'm the middle, not the oldest), and always had the most earning potential, lol.

Well, like I already said, the parents aren't pushing for grandkids, but since I (eventually) want kids and they (eventually) want grandkids, it works out.

And yeah, I'm the one who's gonna be taking care of them when they get older as well. What can I saw? I'm the nurturing one, or something.

[CTGirl]

Well, like I already said, the parents aren't pushing for grandkids, but since I (eventually) want kids and they (eventually) want grandkids, it works out.

And yeah, I'm the one who's gonna be taking care of them when they get older as well. What can I saw? I'm the nurturing one, or something.

Yeah, mine are certainly not "pushing" just doing a lot of hinting. As for my father's comment this past weekend, it was more him ckecking to see that I did indeed want to have kids at some point rather than him encouraging me.

For them, I think they're just really excited about being grandparents (and rightly so, they'll be fabulous at it!) and since my siblings dont seem to be heading down that path any time soon, they wanna make sure that they can still count on me for it.

[SmilesSoSweet]

And yeah, I'm the one who's gonna be taking care of them when they get older as well. What can I saw? I'm the nurturing one, or something.

My sister and I voted a few years ago that our brother got to keep our mom and dad when they got older. It was a done deal. Now my brother marries a girl who is an only child so her parents are automatically going to be with her when they get older.

I have hinted to my mom that when I'm married with children I'm going to make her and my dad move out here (but in their own house) so that I can have my free daycare. I think she's okay with that and my dad will just go along with it.

[WorkInProgress]

My parents are planning to retire in a place where I, at this point, have no intention of living. I'm not exactly sure how everything will work out, but we'll see and make adjustments as necessary. Luckily, both are very healthy now, so it shouldn't be an issue for many years.

[tina1979]

I got the "so when are you going to have more kids?" speech again on my way to MO with my mom a couple weeks ago. :rolleyes: I just take it with a grain of salt. My mom was 1 of 6 kids. she wanted to have more kids htan just me and my sister. Now my sister and I both have kids, but my mom doesn't get to see my sister's boys often because they live 4 hours away. My mom wants to be surrounded by babies. Can't say that I blame her. I on the other hand am not married and am not in a long term relationship so she knows its a long way off. I think she just wants to keep the seed planted. :)

[AshleyJordan]

I'm not yet in a place to be considering kids, but I did notice that after my grandparents passed away (2000 and 2001,) my mother started hinting a lot about my having kids. Obviously not for a little while, but I think it had a lot to do with losing her own parents and wanting me to keep the family going. I definitely want kids, maybe in about ten years, give or take. My plan is to first get a dog, and practice my 'parenting' skills on him or her! Of course, I would want a 'girly' dog, maybe a shitzu or a schnauzer, and the BF wants something a little more manly, maybe a mutt or a retriever. . .

[veniqe]

I don't feel obligated at all. My mom does make comments about wanting to be a grandmother and all and all but I know she's not being serious.

But I've been feeling very broody lately...

[redav]

It scares me on so many levels:

1.) What it will do to my body.
2.) The risks involved.
3.) Financial obligation.
4.) Being responsible for this being for the rest of my life.
5.) The physical pain from pregnancy to birth.
6.) Anything could be wrong with the child.
7.) The world today and in the future.

I could probably go on and on and on........

I don't get pressure from my family to have children. My parents do want grandkids, and we talk about it occasionally. But I'm the younger of two, so my sister gets more heat on the subject.

As far as obligation, I do feel a strong obligation, but not because of my parents. I see having children and a family as a great and necessary part of the human experience. I agree with those who've already mentioned this, being a parent changes your whole world view. It makes you grow up, become responsible, and get your act together.

I'm not scared of having children. I feel that if I do my best to be prepared--and not merely financially; mental, emotional, & ethical preparation is more important, IMHO--I don't need to fear. And besides, lady luck favors those who work hard and prepare right.

Having kids too late isn't wise, and I feel I've already waited too long (I'm 30), but opportunities have been hard to come by. Last year I came face-to-face with the fact that I'm getting older, and my body isn't what it used to be. I want to be able to be able to play football with my sons when they are in HS. I also worry about my ability to have kids later on, since fertility of both men and women drops in the 30's. My parents wanted to have more kids after me, but couldn't. Likewise, one of my coworkers & his wife had go through fertility treatments to have their second child--and they were only 29.

I, too, am concerned about the world today (and in the future). But the way I see it, when I have kids, and if I raise them right, they'll be a positive force to make it better. I don't want to run and hide; that would just make the world a worse place.

[nikorock28]

I don't feel obliged to produce any grandchildren at all. I think I would like to get married one day, but I haven't come up with a practical reason for having children.

[The Happy Hodag]

I don't feel obligated to have kids at all, because my brother and sister already took care of the grandchildren part.

However, I have a buddy up in White Lake, WI, who not only is an only child, but the continuation of his last name depended solely on him having children - so you can imagine the pressure from his dad and grand-dad. My friends daughter will be turning six in about two months, and lucky for him, he just had a son back in September.

-The Happy Hodag!

[nikorock28]

I don't feel obligated to have kids at all, because my brother and sister already took care of the grandchildren part.

However, I have a buddy up in White Lake, WI, who not only is an only child, but the continuation of his last name depended solely on him having children - so you can imagine the pressure from his dad and grand-dad. My friends daughter will be turning six in about two months, and lucky for him, he just had a son back in September.

-The Happy Hodag!

the continuation of my family name depends on either my brother or i producing children... so, i would say it is a 4 to 1 dog for this to occur (20% chance)

[NewMrs.]

the continuation of my family name depends on either my brother or i producing children... so, i would say it is a 4 to 1 dog for this to occur (20% chance)

I don't feel pressure from my parents, but I feel pressure from my inlaws.

The continuation of my husband's family name depends on me giving birth to his children sometime in the future. My husband is the only son, and his dad's only brother has all daughters. I joked at my bridal shower that I would be keeping my maiden name after I got married, and his family seemed kind of horrified at the idea.

[nikorock28]

I don't feel pressure from my parents, but I feel pressure from my inlaws.

The continuation of my husband's family name depends on me giving birth to his children sometime in the future. My husband is the only son, and his dad's only brother has all daughters. I joked at my bridal shower that I would be keeping my maiden name after I got married, and his family seemed kind of horrified at the idea.

even if you kept your maiden name, wouldn't the children take on the father's name?

i don't understand the pressure to continue on the family name... i'm sure my parents would be glad if the family name continued, but they pretty much know that it is likely not to happen. heck, i'm just trying to take care of myself now! =)

[wordsmith]

My family line with my last name is traceable to the 1500s in England, so the last name not dying is kind of a big deal to the people in the family that care about the genealogy stuff. It's not an uncommon name, but as far as our family line goes, it hasn't died out for more than 400 years. But my dad and my brothers are the last three people with the name. My great grandfather and grandfather were only children, and my dad had all sisters. So it's just him and my brothers, so if neither of my brothers has kids, the line will die in name.

[EmberMae]

Having kids too late isn't wise, and I feel I've already waited too long (I'm 30), but opportunities have been hard to come by. Last year I came face-to-face with the fact that I'm getting older, and my body isn't what it used to be. I want to be able to be able to play football with my sons when they are in HS. I also worry about my ability to have kids later on, since fertility of both men and women drops in the 30's. My parents wanted to have more kids after me, but couldn't. Likewise, one of my coworkers & his wife had go through fertility treatments to have their second child--and they were only 29.
That scares me as well. I just turned 25. The chances of me being in a place to afford children financially before the age of 30 are very slim. especially considering I would like to stay home with my children at least the first couple years, for my own sanity. But geez, if i'm going to have to afford fertility treatments to have them....I'm screwed.

Luckily both my fiance and I have one brother so there is no name pressure. My grandmother was part of a family of all girls and her name died forever. I'd take that name before I'd take my husband's, but in the end I will take neither.

[wordsmith]

You don't have to be "old" to need fertility treatments, though. You can be trying to conceive in your twenties and still have issues.

[Syracuse]

And then again there is my mom who had a healthy baby at age 42, no fertility treatments. (just saying it is possible.)

[EmberMae]

It's possible, but I tend to believe genetics is a part of it, and I know my mom got pregnant with my youngest sister just before she turned 33, and it took around 2 years for her to get pregnant, with fertility treatments.

[Syracuse]

It's possible, but I tend to believe genetics is a part of it, and I know my mom got pregnant with my youngest sister just before she turned 33, and it took around 2 years for her to get pregnant, with fertility treatments.
True my mom came from a family of ten kids, obviously a fertile family.

[wordsmith]

Genetics are a big part of it, no doubt. But there are also things that can affect fertility that throw that off. My sister in law, who is in her twenties, is having a hard time right now, and it's possibly connected to various medications she was given to treat seizures of unspecified orgin in her early twenties. There aren't fertility problems anywhere in her family, so it's possibly environmental, or just bad luck.