Money Matters

[ExestentialHaze]

Ok I owe a lot of money...close to $4,800 just in late bills! I can't keep up with it on my income and also being that my bf says he's going to help and doesn't...also brings a high level of stress to my every day things. Especially work.

Anyway...There is no way even to send these companies $5 a week like every one is telling me to do. I can barely pay rent and utilities than to be trying to pay off old bills. If they go into collections, which I know the majority of them have...do they expire and then just get put onto your credit score? Do I have to pay the old bills to get all my credit repaired? There just seems like no way I'll ever get a decent life with all the bills.

I haven't had a vacation in almost 4 years...stress is getting worse...I don't want to file for bancrupcy and have all my things taken away from me.

I was able to pay off my car and that is now something I can say is mine!
I don't get to pay car insurance though and I am afraid of getting caught and getting a ticket or a fine or my car taken away from me.

I am in a jam and things just keep getting worse in my life. It's jeopardizing my career too and without that I'll have nothing!

Anyone out there have successfully maintained their debt and lived to tell about it please respond!

Thanks!

~Haze

[wordsmith]

Ok I owe a lot of money...close to $4,800 just in late bills! I can't keep up with it on my income and also being that my bf says he's going to help and doesn't...also brings a high level of stress to my every day things. Especially work.

Late bills and owing $$$ is the most stressful thing I know of. Are these all YOUR debt, or is your BF responsible for it, too? I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that it's all stuff in your name, even if he's been instrumental in racking up the bills, too. Another reason to be shed of him.

Anyway...There is no way even to send these companies $5 a week like every one is telling me to do. I can barely pay rent and utilities than to be trying to pay off old bills.

If your income will not let you pay rent and utilities, not even taking into account paying off creditors or collection agencies, you probably will have to see about changing your living situation...splitting costs with more roommates, low income housing, etc. You need to be able to at the bare minimum find housing you can afford based on your income, or, you're right, that leaves you no financial freedom to take care of other costs apart from the basics, which you're obligated to cover as well.


If they go into collections, which I know the majority of them have...do they expire and then just get put onto your credit score? Do I have to pay the old bills to get all my credit repaired? There just seems like no way I'll ever get a decent life with all the bills.

You have to get stuff out of collections, pay the agencies your creditors have sold your debt off to. It doesn't just go away.


I was able to pay off my car and that is now something I can say is mine!
I don't get to pay car insurance though and I am afraid of getting caught and getting a ticket or a fine or my car taken away from me.

I don't know where you live, but here, if you drive uninsured, the repercussions are worse than just tickets and fines (you lose driving privileges, for one). And if you hurt or God forbid kill somebody driving uninsured, you will be sued within an inch of your life.

[ExestentialHaze]

I realize all of that...car insurance is similar too...I'd get my car taken away from me! I try not to drive much at all only to go to work and back home, and grocery store and visit my parents.

I'm trying not to visit my parents however because of the car insurance issue and I don't want to tell them about it cause I'll A: Get yelled at, B: my parents won't ever stop treating me like a kid (being an only child really sucks sometimes), C:They may force me to come home, and I will not live with them ever again. My dad has anger problems and can't take a joke sometimes. He also has this problem of repeating himself a lot too.

So...I still didn't get any answers yet...how do I take care of my money issues if I can't keep up with rent and utilities? The place where I am at is the cheapest in my area. I have looked into other places and they start arouund $750 and go up. I am very lucky where I am at my rent is only $690, and my bf and I split it. Somehow he manages to pay rent and nothing else.

~Haze

[cache]

I am hung up on the insurance issue. Car insurance is the law in most places. If you can't afford it, then you can't afford to own a car. It is like gas. You only look at it as optional because you can ignore it. But me, and most other drivers, have to pay that fee to drive, even though most of the time it serves no purpose. Your parents have every right to yell at you about something like this.

Haze, you have serious issues besides money. You will not be able to solve them selectively. It really takes a realignment of your priorities and focus. Even if you had $4800 right now, it wouldn't help...because you have not solved the problem that created that debt in the first place. I know people who live fine on 20K a year, and others who struggle with 80K.

There is no magic, quick, or easy solution. Financial freedom requires time and commitment. No one on this board or anywhere else for that matter is going to have the easy solution you seem to be looking for.

[pisces2473]

I am hung up on the insurance issue. Car insurance is the law in most places. If you can't afford it, then you can't afford to own a car. It is like gas. You only look at it as optional because you can ignore it. But me, and most other drivers, have to pay that fee to drive, even though most of the time it serves no purpose. Your parents have every right to yell at you about something like this.
Not to mention, our rates get higher b/c of irresponsible and careless people like Haze, who get in accidents w/ no insurance.

[SmilesSoSweet]

So...I still didn't get any answers yet...how do I take care of my money issues if I can't keep up with rent and utilities? The place where I am at is the cheapest in my area. I have looked into other places and they start arouund $750 and go up. I am very lucky where I am at my rent is only $690, and my bf and I split it. Somehow he manages to pay rent and nothing else.

Um, I think everyone that has posted on here so far have given you suggestions as to how you can handle your financial situation. We won't have answers, just suggestions and advice.

Try finding another job. Get another roommate. Get rid of anything YOU ABSOLUTELY DO NOT NEED in order to survive (i.e. cable, cell phone, gym memberships, magazine subscriptions, expensive clothing, etc.) I'm not saying that you may have these things, but you'll be surprised at how many people have posted on here complaining that they don't have money to pay off their bills, then they say they have to have their cell phone or their daily cup of joe at Starbucks or whatever.

Oh and as for car insurance, you better get some kind of policy. I hate when people try to cheat the system.

And you say that you don't use your car that often. Why not just sell it and use that money towards your debt?

That's just my two cents.

[meatwad]

You might not just get your car taken away, you might go to jail. In some states, having no insurance is a felony.

Cancel all non-essential bills and utilities. Cable TV, Internet, home phone if you have a cell phone.

Dump your boyfriend and get a responsible roomate.

Consolidate your credit cards to one low interest card and cancel the rest.

[wordsmith]

I am hung up on the insurance issue. Car insurance is the law in most places. If you can't afford it, then you can't afford to own a car. It is like gas. You only look at it as optional because you can ignore it. But me, and most other drivers, have to pay that fee to drive, even though most of the time it serves no purpose. Your parents have every right to yell at you about something like this.

Haze, you have serious issues besides money. You will not be able to solve them selectively. It really takes a realignment of your priorities and focus. Even if you had $4800 right now, it wouldn't help...because you have not solved the problem that created that debt in the first place. I know people who live fine on 20K a year, and others who struggle with 80K.

There is no magic, quick, or easy solution. Financial freedom requires time and commitment. No one on this board or anywhere else for that matter is going to have the easy solution you seem to be looking for.

This is true...even if you could by some windfall pay off the debt overnight, you have to look at how things got that way, and attack that problem. When bills pile up (I speak from experience), there is a reason why. You need to identify the reasons you get behind in your bills in the first place, becuase once you do, they snowball (late fees, surcharges, additional fees if they go into collection, etc.) and change things so that that doesn't continue to happen.

For a lot of people, they put bils off if they have other expenses. I know that that happened to me when I got hit with some big unexpected expenses (car repairs and oral surgery). But people also let bills slide when they get over their heads living beyond their means.

[analogman]

Not to mention, our rates get higher b/c of irresponsible and careless people like Haze, who get in accidents w/ no insurance.

I hope you carry uninsured/underinsured motorist coverage. I know it's extra money but if someone like Haze causes an accident, you have zero recourse otherwise. You can sue but good luck collecting on the judgment.

I think it's morally wrong (it's certainly illegal here) to drive without insurance but a lot of people here have nothing to lose so they don't buy insurance.

[pisces2473]

I hope you carry uninsured/underinsured motorist coverage.
You're damn straight I have it. I take ZERO chances.

I know it's extra money but if someone like Haze causes an accident, you have zero recourse otherwise. You can sue but good luck collecting on the judgment.
Yeah, that's why I said people who pull that crap cause our rates to go up when there are accidents.

I think it's morally wrong (it's certainly illegal here) to drive without insurance but a lot of people here have nothing to lose so they don't buy insurance.
Hmmm, I love how people don't think. It's like, just b/c you have nothing to pay out in a lawsuit, doesn't mean that there won't a lien on any income you make for the rest of your life. I COMPLETELY agree with you, Analog.

[wordsmith]

Hmmm, I love how people don't think. It's like, just b/c you have nothing to pay out in a lawsuit, doesn't mean that there won't a lien on any income you make for the rest of your life. I COMPLETELY agree with you, Analog.

Right...if you're employed, your wages can be garnished.

Here carrying uninsured motorist coverage is required, as well in basic coverage.

[ExestentialHaze]

Not to mention, our rates get higher b/c of irresponsible and careless people like Haze, who get in accidents w/ no insurance.

Excuse me I am not an irresponsible driver!! Take what you said back, and or shove your own comments elsewhere!

I came here for support not be downgraded by someone who has no idea what is going on in MY life and all of a sudden think I am irresponsible!!

I am so sick of people like you!

Have a heart! Oh wait, don't tell me you can't grow a heart...cause you are the irresponsible one!

~Haze

[meatwad]

Excuse me I am not an irresponsible driver!! Take what you said back, and or shove your own comments elsewhere!

I came here for support not be downgraded by someone who has no idea what is going on in MY life and all of a sudden think I am irresponsible!!

I am so sick of people like you!

Have a heart! Oh wait, don't tell me you can't grow a heart...cause you are the irresponsible one!

~Haze

You're driving without insurance. That's irresponsible. What does she have to apologize for?

[ExestentialHaze]

Cause I clearly stated I am only able to pay rent and electric! Nothing els, and I don't pay for anything else!!

I am doing the best I can...not trying to "cheat" the system as you people put it. I've got issues I'm trying to resolve here not make them worse and all of you saying I am irresponsible are making me more stressed out than I already was. Thanks a lot jerks! I came for help not a bashing!

~Haze

**super depressed now**

[meatwad]

Cause I clearly stated I am only able to pay rent and electric! Nothing els, and I don't pay for anything else!!

I am doing the best I can...not trying to "cheat" the system as you people put it. I've got issues I'm trying to resolve here not make them worse and all of you saying I am irresponsible are making me more stressed out than I already was. Thanks a lot jerks! I came for help not a bashing!

~Haze

**super depressed now**

You want help? Let's see your budget.

EDIT: And not being able to afford insurance, but still driving is irresponsible. If you can't afford insurance, then you shouldn't be driving. If I drove my car but I never bothered to get a license, wouldn't that make me an irresponsible driver?

[pisces2473]

Excuse me I am not an irresponsible driver!! Take what you said back, and or shove your own comments elsewhere!

I came here for support not be downgraded by someone who has no idea what is going on in MY life and all of a sudden think I am irresponsible!!

I am so sick of people like you!

Have a heart! Oh wait, don't tell me you can't grow a heart...cause you are the irresponsible one!

~Haze
Oh my goodness, "take it back"? What is this, the playground? I didn't say you were an irresponsible driver. You are irresponsible for not having insurance and driving uninsured. There's a difference.

You need to chill out before you start casting stones everywhere, missy.

[pisces2473]

Cause I clearly stated I am only able to pay rent and electric! Nothing els, and I don't pay for anything else!!

I am doing the best I can...not trying to "cheat" the system as you people put it. I've got issues I'm trying to resolve here not make them worse and all of you saying I am irresponsible are making me more stressed out than I already was. Thanks a lot jerks! I came for help not a bashing!

~Haze

**super depressed now**
If you aren't here for a bashing, why are you bashing us?

And how old are you, 12?

[wordsmith]

Whoah, hang on.

This IS a supportive community (since you've already received much personal advice, you're aware of that, I'm sure), but it's also not a place where people won't call a spade a spade.

Nobody said that you sucked, and if Pisces came off as harsh in her judgment of people who drive irresponsibly, it probably comes from the fact that her fiance was mowed down and nearly killed by an irresponsible driver. And it IS irresponsible to drive uninsured. Bottom line. You know that, though. But you're mad now that others pointed it out. I don't think anybody called you a cheat, but expressed alarm at the possible ramifications of driving illegally (which, if you're caught, is CERTAINLY not gonna make your life any easier).

I get that you're broke. Been there (still am, from time to time). I get that you are putting yourself in a situation that's making you unable to afford basic necessities. You're not neglecting to pay your rent and utilities, because if you did, there would be repercussions. You need to be honest with yourself and admit that there are serious repercussions to not having the most minimum auto insurance, too...it's just as much a necessity as having electricity in your house. You have to realize that that's one that goes in the "nonnegotiable expenses" folder.

[pisces2473]

Jess--the driver was insured though...just a horrid driver

Anywhoo--Yeah, we get that you're broke. I have under $200 in my checking acct right now and probably $300 in savings until payday next Weds. I have a dr's appointment today that will probably wipe out my checking acct b/c they don't take my insurance and my new insurance won't kick in til 12/1. But you don't see me ranting (or anyone else for that matter) about it.

[wordsmith]

Jess--the driver was insured though...just a horrid driver

Yes, I know...but irresponsible all the same.

[ExestentialHaze]

I had insurance before...then finances got bad around 911, I switched insurances like 3 times, and the last time, which was almost a year ago I haven't been able to afford it, my rent went up...my electric went up.....I am not an irresponsible driver, and someone did call me that. I don't appreciate someone bashing me when they haven't heard the entire facts about it. Things have been going downhill ever since I was young, but I was able to hold my own for quite some time on my own. I have tried to be stern with my bf about my own bills, but he has no idea and no concerns for my financial status I guess. You all who are bashing me, seem to not quite understand I am not irresponsible...I need help and no one wants to help me....no on...and I feel so worthless right now because no one wants to support me in ANYTHING I DO or WANT to do!!

I just want to die because I can't ask for a raise here at my new job. I have to wait for it. I can't just go to a bank and ask for a loan cause they won't give me one with the money I owe on bills and nothing is going right for me.....so I may as well do away with myself sooner than later to put everyone else out of misery. I may as well walk outside and into the street in front of a bus or large truck. I'm so sick of people...I'm so sick of life.

[weary]

agree completely w/ words and can tell you from experience that it's going to get harder before it gets easier. you need to adjust your whole way of living and what you categorize as "necessities". you've got to go BARE BONES. lower every bill possible...i'm talking if you don't need the light on, turn it off. get rid of your cell phone or landline and reduce whatever type of plan you have on the one you keep to the most minimum possible. change your eating habbits to be healthy, but cheap. no eating out, no unneccessary 'extras' (candy, soda, juice, etc. you can drink water and nothing else w/ your food). the list goes on and on.

and as for the car/insurance issue...you've got to get whatever the minimum legal requirement is in your state. if you can't afford that, don't drive. you can't afford what WILL happen if you are caught or worse w/o the insurance. you pay for gas to drive now...take that $ and get a monthly mass transit pass until you can afford insurance.

good luck. you CAN do this, but it's going to take a helluva lot of commitment. i did it, with a kid to feed/clothe/shelter/etc, and it was miserable for a while, but i made it through. it's possible.

[meatwad]

I had insurance before...then finances got bad around 911, I switched insurances like 3 times, and the last time, which was almost a year ago I haven't been able to afford it, my rent went up...my electric went up.....I am not an irresponsible driver, and someone did call me that. I don't appreciate someone bashing me when they haven't heard the entire facts about it. Things have been going downhill ever since I was young, but I was able to hold my own for quite some time on my own. I have tried to be stern with my bf about my own bills, but he has no idea and no concerns for my financial status I guess. You all who are bashing me, seem to not quite understand I am not irresponsible...I need help and no one wants to help me....no on...and I feel so worthless right now because no one wants to support me in ANYTHING I DO or WANT to do!!

I just want to die because I can't ask for a raise here at my new job. I have to wait for it. I can't just go to a bank and ask for a loan cause they won't give me one with the money I owe on bills and nothing is going right for me.....so I may as well do away with myself sooner than later to put everyone else out of misery. I may as well walk outside and into the street in front of a bus or large truck. I'm so sick of people...I'm so sick of life.

We need more info. What is your budget like?

[pisces2473]

Yeah, we need more info. Stop screaming at us and fill us in.

And ditch your jackass of a BF. He's no help to you.

[ExestentialHaze]

I DO DO THAT!!

I haven't had soda in 14years...the only soda I would ever drink is seltzer and I don't even drink that unless I am sick. I don't pay for my cell phone my parents gave me one on their plan. I don't have a land line phone, I don't pay for internet that is what the bf pays for and he got it prett cheap too, less than 10 dollars a month. I never get to go out, if I do it's to one friends house cause I need to be around people. Even then we only visit them once a month. I don't go out, I only get the basic cable of $0 a month cause it's just standard 14 channels everyone gets here for free. I don't buy a lot of food and when I do it's bare minimal. I barely drink water which I need to or I'll dehydrate again and go to the er and they bill me another $700 like last time.

I don't get to even do much around the house either. I'm a wasteful blob no one wants anymore. So I should just rid myself.

No one knows how I feel...NO ONE! I knew it from the beginning and NO ONE will ever know what I feel...EVER!

[pisces2473]

Wow.

extra.

[weary]

I DO DO THAT!!

I haven't had soda in 14years...the only soda I would ever drink is seltzer and I don't even drink that unless I am sick. I don't pay for my cell phone my parents gave me one on their plan. I don't have a land line phone, I don't pay for internet that is what the bf pays for and he got it prett cheap too, less than 10 dollars a month. I never get to go out, if I do it's to one friends house cause I need to be around people. Even then we only visit them once a month. I don't go out, I only get the basic cable of $0 a month cause it's just standard 14 channels everyone gets here for free. I don't buy a lot of food and when I do it's bare minimal. I barely drink water which I need to or I'll dehydrate again and go to the er and they bill me another $700 like last time.

I don't get to even do much around the house either. I'm a wasteful blob no one wants anymore. So I should just rid myself.

No one knows how I feel...NO ONE! I knew it from the beginning and NO ONE will ever know what I feel...EVER!

well, that's good then. you sound like you are trying to keep your spending to a minimum. but you came here asking for help and several requests have been made for more information to which you have only replied with defensive comments about your circumstances. post more information if you want more $-specific helpful replies. i think you already know the general consensus as to what you should do about the BF.

although, honestly, your additional comments about life (and implying you want to end it) are cause for much more concern and i think beyond the scope of help you can get on an internet messageboard. you may want to consider counseling. that is not a statment made to judge or bash you. it is sincere, from someone who has been both counseled and a counselor.

[wordsmith]

I had insurance before...then finances got bad around 911, I switched insurances like 3 times, and the last time, which was almost a year ago I haven't been able to afford it, my rent went up...my electric went up.....I am not an irresponsible driver, and someone did call me that. I don't appreciate someone bashing me when they haven't heard the entire facts about it. Things have been going downhill ever since I was young, but I was able to hold my own for quite some time on my own. I have tried to be stern with my bf about my own bills, but he has no idea and no concerns for my financial status I guess. You all who are bashing me, seem to not quite understand I am not irresponsible...I need help and no one wants to help me....no on...and I feel so worthless right now because no one wants to support me in ANYTHING I DO or WANT to do!!

I just want to die because I can't ask for a raise here at my new job. I have to wait for it. I can't just go to a bank and ask for a loan cause they won't give me one with the money I owe on bills and nothing is going right for me.....so I may as well do away with myself sooner than later to put everyone else out of misery. I may as well walk outside and into the street in front of a bus or large truck. I'm so sick of people...I'm so sick of life.


Trust me, I am NOT unsympathetic to your situation. I have very near and dear to my heart loved ones who are continuously in over their heads in terms of bills and other expenses, who are constantly stressed and always borrowing Peter to pay Paul, who have trimmed and done without and scraped by on the bare minimum and not lived lavishly, and have a very, very difficult time keeping their heads above water. I grew up in that environment. I hoped that that wouldn't be me, but unfortunately, since I choose to work in a very low-paying profession, I find myself in much the same situation often. So I do understand how bleak it can be.

Like weary said, it is NOT EASY to make the sacrifices that are going to be necessary to improve your situation. Absolutely everything that is not crucial to existence needs to be trimmed out until you can get back on your feet and feel stable.

You are incredibly distraught, and I know how that is. But you aren't going to be able to healthily handle any of the rest of life's curveballs (which don't stop coming just 'cause you can't handle them) with intense monetary worries pressing down on you 24-7. The sacrifices will be worth your peace of mind to know you're making active steps to get out of a very stressful financial situation.

You are miserable because you're not getting supported...in fact, you not only don't have support from your significant other, he's actively draining on you, and you are past the empty point, from what I can tell. Please, it's not going to get better with him around.

[meatwad]

Why don't you stop feeling sorry for yourself and fix your problem. The way it looks to me you need to either find a new job, find a second job or move somewhere with a better cost of living.

[wordsmith]

We need more info. What is your budget like?

Meat, I would bet the farm that she has no written out budget (I AM NOT CRITICIZING, JUST OBSERVING). Most people, once they get to the point where they're scraping by that much, just don't. They pay the bills they absolutely have to pay when they come and pay the others as they can, and don't organize or track much.

[pisces2473]

Meat, I would bet the farm that she has no written out budget (I AM NOT CRITICIZING, JUST OBSERVING). Most people, once they get to the point where they're scraping by that much, just don't. They pay the bills they absolutely have to pay when they come and pay the others as they can, and don't organize or track much.
Ha, I don't have one, either. I'm doing okay...I just don't have a need to budget out for things, when the bills keep rolling in.

[weary]

Meat, I would bet the farm that she has no written out budget (I AM NOT CRITICIZING, JUST OBSERVING). Most people, once they get to the point where they're scraping by that much, just don't. They pay the bills they absolutely have to pay when they come and pay the others as they can, and don't organize or track much.

yes, but she can post what her bills are and what her income is. that's simple and surprisingly easy for other people to look at from a diff perspective and offer suggestions. just sayin...

p.s. words - your PM box is full!

[wordsmith]

yes, but she can post what her bills are and what her income is. that's simple and surprisingly easy for other people to look at from a diff perspective and offer suggestions. just sayin...

p.s. words - your PM box is full!

She's written that most of her bills are in collection, if memory serves. She may not so much as OPEN bills when they come, may not even know what the breakdown of a monthly amount owed is, anymore. That's the way the downward spiral goes.

The ostritch, head in the sand thing. I have seen this. Hell, I've been the ostritch.

[weary]

She's written that most of her bills are in collection, if memory serves. She may not so much as OPEN bills when they come, may not even know what the breakdown of a monthly amount owed is, anymore. That's the way the downward spiral goes.

The ostritch, head in the sand thing. I have seen this. Hell, I've been the ostritch.


i know, and so have i. but she obviously knows her rent and i think electric? (i'm too lazy to read back through.) a list is a start. she's asking for help. we're asking for detail so we can offer some that is specific to her.

i guess i'm just sticking on this point b/c until i had to actually WRITE DOWN everything i owed, both recurring, and gone to collections, i never had a plan or saw an end in sight. writing it down made it real, and was the start of a very, very long path to fixing it. it didn't magically fix or solve anything, but it was a start.

[cache]

Hmmm...looks like I missed a little bit since lunch

[wordsmith]

i know, and so have i. but she obviously knows her rent and i think electric? (i'm too lazy to read back through.) a list is a start. she's asking for help. we're asking for detail so we can offer some that is specific to her.

i guess i'm just sticking on this point b/c until i had to actually WRITE DOWN everything i owed, both recurring, and gone to collections, i never had a plan or saw an end in sight. writing it down made it real, and was the start of a very, very long path to fixing it. it didn't magically fix or solve anything, but it was a start.


No, you're totally right. I was just writing what I did to meat, b/c I was pretty sure she wasn't gonna be able to plop down an itemized Excel spreadsheet of her expenses.

[meatwad]

No, you're totally right. I was just writing what I did to meat, b/c I was pretty sure she wasn't gonna be able to plop down an itemized Excel spreadsheet of her expenses.

What did you do to me?

[wordsmith]

Um, directed a post at you! :eek:


Quote:
Originally Posted by meatwad
We need more info. What is your budget like?


Meat, I would bet the farm that she has no written out budget (I AM NOT CRITICIZING, JUST OBSERVING). Most people, once they get to the point where they're scraping by that much, just don't. They pay the bills they absolutely have to pay when they come and pay the others as they can, and don't organize or track much.

[cache]

My dad's health forced my parents to rack up endless doctor and hospital bills. After a little while, my mom stopped opening them, and just put them in a shopping bag. After my dad died, I took two full shopping bags full of bills to try to figure out what was owed to who(whom?). Turns out, the bags, which had been sitting on my mom's dresser for her to see(and depress her) every morning, were less intimidating than anyone thought. We knew from insurance figures that insurance had covered over 500K in bills, and estimated the remaining share at ~100K. After reconciling everything, it turns out the total amount owed was about 15K, which my mom paid off relatively quickly. She was in disbelief because bags of bills are never good news...and the stack kept growing...and growing until sense was made out of it. Once that happened, a realistic plan could be made.

You can't get out of debt without a plan and without knowing exactly what you owe. Before you can do that, you have to have a lifestyle and job that generates a positive cash flow after basic monthly expenses.

[meatwad]

Um, directed a post at you! :eek:

Oh. I'm dumb. Really. I'm just so dumb. I'm dumb.

[wordsmith]

My dad's health forced my parents to rack up endless doctor and hospital bills. After a little while, my mom stopped opening them, and just put them in a shopping bag. After my dad died, I took two full shopping bags full of bills to try to figure out what was owed to who(whom?). Turns out, the bags, which had been sitting on my mom's dresser for her to see(and depress her) every morning, were less intimidating than anyone thought. We knew from insurance figures that insurance had covered over 500K in bills, and estimated the remaining share at ~100K. After reconciling everything, it turns out the total amount owed was about 15K, which my mom paid off relatively quickly. She was in disbelief because bags of bills are never good news...and the stack kept growing...and growing until sense was made out of it. Once that happened, a realistic plan could be made.

So true...when you're already down, you can get very intimidated by bills that keep rolling in when you know you have no means with which to make a dent, and it can be super intimidating to think about how to handle that...so a lot of people sweep it under the rug...but it eats you up. It's so easy to fool yourself into thinking that not knowing where you stand is worse than just knowing, no matter how bad it is. But it's not, it just depresses you and fills you full of freefloating, rootless anxiety.

You can't get out of debt without a plan and without knowing exactly what you owe. Before you can do that, you have to have a lifestyle and job that generates a positive cash flow after basic monthly expenses.

True, true. And it takes support to feel strong enough and able to just steel yourself and dig into dealing with it. My concern with the OP is that she's got a life set up for herself that isn't going to get her the support she needs to do this, and other things that are gonna be tough.

[cheshrcarol]

Anyone else smelling troll? And you spelled Existential wrong. :rolleyes:

[wordsmith]

I can see how you might think that, but at this point, my gut says no. I could be wrong, though.

[WorkInProgress]

Anyone else smelling troll? And you spelled Existential wrong. :rolleyes:

Sorta thinking that, since this just gets worse and worse, but it's possible not.

[wordsmith]

Yeah, I'm benefit of the doubting, here, because situations that closely mirror this and other things she's posted are pretty much a dime a dozen where I am, if not on QLC in general.

[WorkInProgress]

yeah, that's why the sorta.

[cheshrcarol]

I'm not saying the situation is inconceivable, I'm saying her reactions and responses are out of whack. "Take it back", "NO ONE understands what I'm going through"? As Jen said, what is she - 12?

[wordsmith]

Not gonna argue with you that it's not the most mature response I've ever seen, that's for sure.

But she wouldn't be the first poster to go all angsty and "nobody understands my plight," either. Hard to say.

[cache]

I was wondering about the troll thing too, and noticed something when glancing over her posts.

Existential: You said that you have an Ipod with all the accessories in your purse. Was that a gift?

[meatwad]

Yeah, I'm benefit of the doubting, here, because situations that closely mirror this and other things she's posted are pretty much a dime a dozen where I am, if not on QLC in general.

Agreed. Most troll posts are about converting the nation to communism or banging dudes' moms.

[WorkInProgress]

Agreed. Most troll posts are about converting the nation to communism or banging dudes' moms.

You mean it didn't just convert?!





Kidding.

[cheshrcarol]

I could be wrong. It's happened maybe once or twice before ;).

Existential, if you're for real, my advice is to move into a cheaper apartment with more roommates and/or make your bf put the utilities in his name.

ETA: and you're not the only one to deal with this. When I first graduated I couldn't really afford to feed myself, my financial stuff was so bad. There were nights when I'd eat a bag of popcorn for dinner because that's what I had around and I didn't have any money to go grocery shopping.

[wordsmith]

I was wondering about the troll thing too, and noticed something when glancing over her posts.

Existential: You said that you have an Ipod with all the accessories in your purse. Was that a gift?

I looked over old posts, too, to see where possible money drains are that she might not be considering (Prince Charming's fast food and soda habit spring to mind).

Meat - exactly.

And most trolls don't have the patience to fabricate elaborate backstories and stick to them...so I'm gonna go with not a troll until other info sways me otherwise.

[wordsmith]

Existential, if you're for real, my advice is to move into a cheaper apartment with more roommates


I agree...if your income isn't cutting it where you're living, live elsewhere or switch jobs, whichever's easier to do.

I had to move in order to make a low paying job that I wanted to do work for me. No way could I have lived where I was living on what it pays. It happens.

[Chameleon]

Haze, I have to admit that this is really confusing.

You posted (http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23664) that you don't have a checking and savings account due to an internet scam - where does your paycheck currently get deposited or do you get paid in cash? What is it exactly that you do?

You posted (http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/forums/showthread.php?p=414799#post414799) that you paid off your car three weeks ago, where is the money that's no longer being spent on a car going?

You posted (http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/forums/showthread.php?p=412552#post412552) that you and your boyfriend buy enough food to feed two families but you insist in this thread that you buy the bare minimal in terms of food.

In all, you've stated that your monthly expenses are $400 (half of rent) and I assume electricity ($100?) and a frugal budget for food ($300?) with no other incidentals, plus whatever was freed up from your car payments ($100?). So you are earning $900 a month or $225 a week at your job? Is this close to accurate?

What bills do you still owe on? Are we talking about credit card debt? Once your bills are given to collection agencies, it will put a huge dent in your credit report but you can also negotiate to only pay a fraction of what you actually owe because the collection agencies buy your debt at a fraction of what you owe (I don't know how many pennies on the dollar it ends up being).

You might want to reconsider not moving in with your parents, they pay for your cell so it's not like you are opposed to recieving help from them. Or maybe you can borrow some money from them to placate the bill collectors for a while? I'm not sure how they don't know that you are still with your boyfriend, haven't you seen each other in the 2+ years he's lived with you?

I hope you get some help (emotional and financial), I know your situation is hard but your tantrums and pointing fingers at us doesn't change the fact that you are the only one that can your situation. The less time you spend feeling sorry for yourself, the more time you can spend taking back control of your life.

[pisces2473]

ETA: and you're not the only one to deal with this. When I first graduated I couldn't really afford to feed myself, my financial stuff was so bad. There were nights when I'd eat a bag of popcorn for dinner because that's what I had around and I didn't have any money to go grocery shopping.
That's because she bought Tommy Hilfiger stuff for her bed. :razz:

[pisces2473]

Maybe it's Athena again?

[wordsmith]

No, there aren't enough violent obscenities. :rolleyes:

[cheshrcarol]

That's because she bought Tommy Hilfiger stuff for her bed. :razz:Are you making fun of my bed set? :eek:

And it was a birthday present, be-atch :p.

[pisces2473]

Are you making fun of my bed set? :eek:

And it was a birthday present, be-atch :p.
I swear you told me that when you moved out, you had to have top of the line everything for your place! LOL

[cheshrcarol]

I swear you told me that when you moved out, you had to have top of the line everything for your place! LOL
LOL - I might have said I intended that, but in reality I couldn't exactly afford to furnish my entire apartment from Eddie Bauer home on 21k. I had a black futon that I slept on before I had a bed, a purple loveseat, a tv cart I found in college that someone abandoned, and a $10 tv from salvation army (still say that was the best $10 I ever spent). Top of the line all the way :googly: :razz: .

[wordsmith]

Hah, my current apt. has a computer desk and a black frame futon that the previous tenants abandoned. That's how classy I am with my outfittings.

[MollyMe]

Get rid of the loser boyfriend.
He doesn't treat you well, as you mention in practically every post. He doesn't make an effort to support himself and get a real job. He is dragging you further in debt. He is not respectful of you. You can do better than this loser.
He'll tell you what you want to hear. Maybe he will show 'improvement', but he is not going to change in the long run. He's not going to get the 'hint' and leave because you support him. Either get him out of the apartment or move. Since people are coming to your door to collect money, I'd go with the move option. Once you leave, don't look bad.
I had a friend who moved halfway across the country with everything crammed in her car to get away from an abusive relationship.

[ExestentialHaze]

We won't have answers, just suggestions and advice.

I understand this is a place for suggestions and advice, and I do appreciate the suggestions and advice...I just feel like I am at a dead end in life. I mean isn't that why we have this site? So people can find some way to answer their problems?

I don't think it's right for certain people to just assume things though with some of the things I have said.

I can't help I am an emotional person. That's a hugs Scorpio trait, and I can't really control some of my so called "tantrums" some of you have assumed I had on here. It's because I feel all those people are doing is making me feel worse about myself and so it digs a deeper depression hole than before. I have had a whole life of Depression and I am tired of it. I can't afford pills or doctors, I can't ask my family to help me because I want to fix my own problems yet not boggle everyone around me about my problems. But, being that I barely have any friends...it was even hard for me to post anything on here about my problems, cause EVERY WHERE I go everyone says the same damn things, and I wanted to hear something else. I wanted to hear Positive feedback...and so far the other place I have posted to, and this place are all alike. No positive energy at all...just generalizations and accusations that I have to do this or that or the other and it's all gibberish most of the time because of the negativity.

I came here for positive feedback..That's all I'm asking for!

~Haze

[pisces2473]

What type of positive feedback? To tell you that it'll all be okay? It won't be okay until you do things to make it okay.

[ExestentialHaze]

Anyone else smelling troll? And you spelled Existential wrong. :rolleyes:

Excuse me? WTF is a Troll and I can spell Exestential however I want to...so what if it's mispelled...ever sense that things may mean another to someone else. Get a grip!

~Haze

[ExestentialHaze]

I was wondering about the troll thing too, and noticed something when glancing over her posts.

Existential: You said that you have an Ipod with all the accessories in your purse. Was that a gift?

Yes the Ipod was a gift...you have a problem with people being nice to each other? Cuase so far I haven't seen any of that yet with such comments from people so far.

~Haze

[cache]

Excuse me? WTF is a Troll and I can spell Exestential however I want to...so what if it's mispelled...ever sense that things may mean another to someone else. Get a grip!

~Haze

Forget about the car insurance, the BF, everything...if you get this defensive about everything, you're going to have a heart attack before you turn 30. I'd hate to see whgat your "resting" blood pressure is....

[pisces2473]

Cuase so far I haven't seen any of that yet with such comments from people so far.

~Haze
We treat people like they treat us. You're obnoxious? We'll be obnoxious right back.

[ExestentialHaze]

I could be wrong. It's happened maybe once or twice before ;).

Existential, if you're for real, my advice is to move into a cheaper apartment with more roommates and/or make your bf put the utilities in his name.

ETA: and you're not the only one to deal with this. When I first graduated I couldn't really afford to feed myself, my financial stuff was so bad. There were nights when I'd eat a bag of popcorn for dinner because that's what I had around and I didn't have any money to go grocery shopping.

I am in the cheapest place in the area. Everything else is about $790 or higher...I am lucky to have the place I have and split rent with the bf.

Oh I know about food...I used to live off of jello and hot dogs for about 6 months....drove me up the wall...ran out of jello flavors to choose from.

:sad:

~Haze

[SmilesSoSweet]

I understand this is a place for suggestions and advice, and I do appreciate the suggestions and advice...I just feel like I am at a dead end in life. I mean isn't that why we have this site? So people can find some way to answer their problems?

I don't think it's right for certain people to just assume things though with some of the things I have said.

I can't help I am an emotional person. That's a hugs Scorpio trait, and I can't really control some of my so called "tantrums" some of you have assumed I had on here. It's because I feel all those people are doing is making me feel worse about myself and so it digs a deeper depression hole than before. I have had a whole life of Depression and I am tired of it. I can't afford pills or doctors, I can't ask my family to help me because I want to fix my own problems yet not boggle everyone around me about my problems. But, being that I barely have any friends...it was even hard for me to post anything on here about my problems, cause EVERY WHERE I go everyone says the same damn things, and I wanted to hear something else. I wanted to hear Positive feedback...and so far the other place I have posted to, and this place are all alike. No positive energy at all...just generalizations and accusations that I have to do this or that or the other and it's all gibberish most of the time because of the negativity.

I came here for positive feedback..That's all I'm asking for!

~Haze

Okay, yes, this is a message board for 20somethings to help out other 20somethings. But it's not the final solution to a typical 20something's problems either.

Positive feedback may not always be the case. How can we give you positive feedback if there isn't anything positive to say?

You can't loath in your self-pity and expect others to keep feeling sorry for you. How do I know this? I've gone through depression since my teenage years. I'm also an emotional Scorpio. So it's just not you.

We all have our issues that constantly get us. (Mine is my eating disorder, weight, and depression). We come on here to vent and seek some help. Sometimes reading other's opinion makes us realize that maybe our problems/issues really aren't that bad. Or we get to hear form others that have been in the exact same situation. It's all varies.

But don't come on the site to always expect positive feedback. Any feed back/advice should be looked at.

[ExestentialHaze]

I looked over old posts, too, to see where possible money drains are that she might not be considering (Prince Charming's fast food and soda habit spring to mind).

Meat - exactly.

And most trolls don't have the patience to fabricate elaborate backstories and stick to them...so I'm gonna go with not a troll until other info sways me otherwise.


Again what is the troll deal?

Yea my bf wastes money on food and cigs, and soda. I do have a bit of control, but I haven't had soda in like 14 years...went on the Atkind diet for awhile, my family told me my skin looked a bit yellow so I stopped the Atkins diet. Carbs hate my body...but what else can I really do with that? I know obesity runs in my family and I am trying to not become overly obese. I have had a weight problem since we moved back when I was 9. It really sucks and I hate the whole "diet" lifestyles out there. I wish there was a free liposuction clinic that sucks your fat out every month or so. I wouldn't care if they sold back my fat in soap bars! lol

~Haze

[pisces2473]

Uhhh, I think you have bigger worries than Atkins and weight loss stuff right now.

Instead of focusing on your problems that you've mentioned, you're bringing other "fluff" issues into the conversation.

A troll is a person who goes to websites to start trouble.

[ExestentialHaze]

We treat people like they treat us. You're obnoxious? We'll be obnoxious right back.

But I was not the obnoxious one in the first place.

There ya go assuming again.

Ya know what they say about assume? Makes an ass out of u & me

If you thought I was obnoxious...you got it all wrong!

~Haze

[ExestentialHaze]

Uhhh, I think you have bigger worries than Atkins and weight loss stuff right now.

Instead of focusing on your problems that you've mentioned, you're bringing other "fluff" issues into the conversation.

A troll is a person who goes to websites to start trouble.

No I am not a troll...I didn't start anything..someone called me irresponsible and I retorted back saying no I wasn't because that person didn't know everything to the story. Jesus people cannot get the facts right ever anywhere you go.

Excuse me if that persons views were misconstrued. That isn't my fault it's their perception.

~Haze

[ExestentialHaze]

I'm not saying the situation is inconceivable, I'm saying her reactions and responses are out of whack. "Take it back", "NO ONE understands what I'm going through"? As Jen said, what is she - 12?

No, I am not 12...but I feel like I am stuck being a kid forever the way my parents treated me since the move when I was 9. I don't have a lot of friends... and was hoping to make some here but I guess not.

:sad:

~Haze

[pisces2473]

No, I am not 12...but I feel like I am stuck being a kid forever the way my parents treated me since the move when I was 9. I don't have a lot of friends... and was hoping to make some here but I guess not.

:sad:

~Haze
Since you were 9? Where did to move to, and from where? This doesn't make any sense...

[ExestentialHaze]

Agreed. Most troll posts are about converting the nation to communism or banging dudes' moms.

Communist egad! I am mostly Democrat, partial Independant. And I wouldn't come on some beneficial site and start talking about something that would have nothing to do with what was going on in personal lives.

I guess I came here for answers on how to live my life and I guess it was the wrong thing to do since we all here have something in our lives that we cannot handle.

I'm just depressed that I can't talk to a real human being in person rather than typing on a cold keyboard, viewing cold text and feeling cold feelings all the time. I'd say 90% of my feelings are numb and I don't feel a whole lot.

If I feel at all I am mostly angry, and bitter.

I don't want to feel that way anymore and I just was hoping that people here would understand and back me up and be there for me since I don't have anyone in my life to do that with in real life.

I am just a loser and feel like I'll always be a loser wherever I go, whatever I do. So I guess everyone is right in that I am a loser and shouldn't bother being here anymore since I am considered a general QLC case. It just sucks that every where I go...no one supports me and tells me that everything is going to be ok. No one says that to me, ever...I need validation and I guess I came to the wrong place.

~Haze

[cache]

Excuse me if that persons views were misconstrued. That isn't my fault it's their perception.


If there is a problem with someon else's perception, isn't there a possiblility there is a problem with your perception? I was just reading the "Got a job, lost a job..." thread, and posters said that that person was being immature and irresponsible and a lot of other things. The original poster responded calmly with "OK, what does it mean to be an adult. What do I need to do" That person did not respond with personal attacks because he didn't like the responses received. He listened to people's criticism, and thanked them for their perspective.

That is called rational discourse. Listening and accepting things you may not want to hear in order to find solutions to problems.

[ExestentialHaze]

Since you were 9? Where did to move to, and from where? This doesn't make any sense...

I live in the East Coast..that is all I'll say. But we moved from a trailer park to a house...I had over a dozen friends I had when I was 9...we moved an hour away from the trailer park and I couldn't see my older friends. There was one that kept in touch with me for a few years after high school...but we lost touch. The rest of the people moved too, but I guess I didn't know how to make new friends, meet new people the correct way.

I'm always very skittish when I meet new people. I get nervous and clam up. So I really don't know how to handle a lot of the problems that I was handed.

I wished we had never moved and I had a different life altogether.

~Haze

[wordsmith]

We can give you feedback (and have been, pretty fairly, I think, until you started getting defensive, when people posted that certain things you'd shared alarmed them). It won't always be exactly what you want to hear, but people are willing to give you a fair crack if you want advice and are willing to hear the perspectives of people removed from the situation out.

No, we don't know all the details...only what you share. Yes, we'll make assumptions...based on what you say, what else is anybody supposed to do. Getting defensive and volleying retorts back and forth isn't gonna help anybody, though.

[weary]

Communist egad! I am mostly Democrat, partial Independant. And I wouldn't come on some beneficial site and start talking about something that would have nothing to do with what was going on in personal lives.

I guess I came here for answers on how to live my life and I guess it was the wrong thing to do since we all here have something in our lives that we cannot handle.

I'm just depressed that I can't talk to a real human being in person rather than typing on a cold keyboard, viewing cold text and feeling cold feelings all the time. I'd say 90% of my feelings are numb and I don't feel a whole lot.

If I feel at all I am mostly angry, and bitter.

I don't want to feel that way anymore and I just was hoping that people here would understand and back me up and be there for me since I don't have anyone in my life to do that with in real life.

I am just a loser and feel like I'll always be a loser wherever I go, whatever I do. So I guess everyone is right in that I am a loser and shouldn't bother being here anymore since I am considered a general QLC case. It just sucks that every where I go...no one supports me and tells me that everything is going to be ok. No one says that to me, ever...I need validation and I guess I came to the wrong place.

~Haze

the communist comment was an 'inside joke' referring to an old poster/troll. it was not directed at you.

again, you need more help than can be provided by an online forum of 20- and 30-somethings also trying figure life out. EVERYTHING IS NOT GOING TO BE OKAY [until you get some help, take some action]. stop looking for that answer b/c it's not. and if someone says it is, they are not listening to you or don't care that much and just want to smooth things over that can't easily be smoothed.

you can seek free or very low-cost counseling through social services/non-profits/etc in your area. look in the newspaper, phonebook, community center, college campuses, ask around. talk to a human being, who has some expertise in the area (counseling, psychology, etc.) IN REAL LIFE.

and, you've got to be able to take some constructive critisism.

[ExestentialHaze]

We can give you feedback (and have been, pretty fairly, I think, until you started getting defensive, when people posted that certain things you'd shared alarmed them). It won't always be exactly what you want to hear, but people are willing to give you a fair crack if you want advice and are willing to hear the perspectives of people removed from the situation out.

No, we don't know all the details...only what you share. Yes, we'll make assumptions...based on what you say, what else is anybody supposed to do. Getting defensive and volleying retorts back and forth isn't gonna help anybody, though.

Ok, enough already, I have been talking calmly all day today...enough about the battering, I am here to listen...because I am a patient enough person to listen to everyone else...will someone finally listen to me for once?

I'm here for advice and support....I was here in the first place to do that...but with people assuming I'm a troll or communist...come on....this thread ends all that now! I am here to listen and get help. I never wanted to bash anyone...but I certainly didn't wanna get bashed first!

Please end this now with my thread and help me? I had a bad week last week because of the previous week with my bf's tantrum. When we have fights I am very on edge and my nerves are so shot. I don't want shot nerves this week...I want to feel good feelings again...not anger or bitterness.

~Haze

[pisces2473]

I really don't get how moving at age 9 affected the rest of your life. Unless you are 12. If you're in your 20s, you should have moved on from this. It's not like you witnessed a violent attack or something. It's a move. A lot of people move.

[meatwad]

Ok, enough already, I have been talking calmly all day today...enough about the battering, I am here to listen...because I am a patient enough person to listen to everyone else...will someone finally listen to me for once?

I'm here for advice and support....I was here in the first place to do that...but with people assuming I'm a troll or communist...come on....this thread ends all that now! I am here to listen and get help. I never wanted to bash anyone...but I certainly didn't wanna get bashed first!

Please end this now with my thread and help me? I had a bad week last week because of the previous week with my bf's tantrum. When we have fights I am very on edge and my nerves are so shot. I don't want shot nerves this week...I want to feel good feelings again...not anger or bitterness.

~Haze

I give up. Someone else try.

[pisces2473]

Maybe she won't make it through to the other side?

[ExestentialHaze]

I really don't get how moving at age 9 affected the rest of your life. Unless you are 12. If you're in your 20s, you should have moved on from this. It's not like you witnessed a violent attack or something. It's a move. A lot of people move.

I'm 28...when I moved, a kid threatened to kill me on a school bus, then a week later he killed his family. When he threatened me, he said he was going to kill all my friends and my family, then come after me!

You try living with that for years and years and watching your back making sure someone isn't going to kill you at any instant!!

~Haze

[pisces2473]

I'm 28...when I moved, a kid threatened to kill me on a school bus, then a week later he killed his family. When he threatened me, he said he was going to kill all my friends and my family, then come after me!

You try living with that for years and years and watching your back making sure someone isn't going to kill you at any instant!!

~Haze
Ohhhh my goodness....you really need some help. Needed it back then, need it now.

[wordsmith]

I think you're going to feel a lot better about things if you lose the BF. He seems to be the chief contributor to most of what's problematic in your life, and puts you on edge with all other things. It won't feel great at first, but in the long run, it's probably better for you. That's my advice...taking the first step is probably going to be removing yourself from a relationship that's not helping anybody.

[wordsmith]

I'm 28...when I moved, a kid threatened to kill me on a school bus, then a week later he killed his family. When he threatened me, he said he was going to kill all my friends and my family, then come after me!

You try living with that for years and years and watching your back making sure someone isn't going to kill you at any instant!!

~Haze

I agree with pisces, if you had something this traumatic happen, that takes professional help to work through.

[ExestentialHaze]

Ohhhh my goodness....you really need some help. Needed it back then, need it now.

I hate that columbine finally made people see what kids were doing in schools. I wish they would have done all that for me when I was in school. My nerves are usually shot when I go to visit my parents cause I don't want to run into people who were associated with that person who threatened me.

As I mentioned before in an earlier post, I know I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and partial Panic/Anxiety disorder. I try and read self help books to feel better but it's almost like after I get done reading it, it all comes flooding back. I don't want books to be a crutch for my PTSD & Panic/Anxiety.

~Haze

[ExestentialHaze]

I agree with pisces, if you had something this traumatic happen, that takes professional help to work through.

I have tried two therapists and some pills....none of them helped one bit.

~Haze

[wordsmith]

Honestly, having known people with both PTSD and anxiety attacks, reading up/doing the bibliotherapy thing (self-help with books/research) is awesome, but it's not enough...it has to be accompanied by counseling.

[SunDevil]

In order to deal with your financial problems, we need to know how much you make, and what expenses you have.

And if bills go to collections, they do get dropped if unpaid for some amount of time. But, you can't send any money in or even say you are going to send money in. And you have to deal with all of the calls and harassment. But look up Suze Orman to learn the basics of how to get out of debt.

http://finance.yahoo.com/columnist/archives/headline/moneymatters/2005/1

You also have to take emotions out of it, and think of it like a game or math problem. Write it all down on paper and it will be easier to figure out.

And look into getting assistance from the government if you don't make enough or don't have health insurance.

[pisces2473]

I have tried two therapists and some pills....none of them helped one bit.

~Haze
Sometimes it takes a little more, in trying to find the right therapist and meds. Also, you can't depend on them alone. You also have to be willing and ready to get better.

[ExestentialHaze]

Sometimes it takes a little more, in trying to find the right therapist and meds. Also, you can't depend on them alone. You also have to be willing and ready to get better.

Oh I have definately had the will before....trying to have it again...it's hard with memories coming back to me, especially being overweight brings a lot of that back. There's just too much on my plate I can't keep focus on one particular thing...It's like I'm buried under an avalanche that keeps coming down on me.

I broke down my expenses. Which I try to do once a month, and now that my car payments are out of the way...it's a little better, but still not enough.

I need to make 20k or more to stay ahead...and right now I am only making 15k a yr, and that is before taxes!

I looked at the average pay for my job, and I am severely underpaid. I should be making a minimum of $14 an hour or more with my experience. I also suck at asking for raises and hate to be pushy and lose my job. That I can't go through again!

~Haze

[MollyMe]

Part-time job?
Look for a new job that pays better.
No one likes to ask for a raise. It's not just you. There are threads on the subject so maybe you can get some ideas. Try asking your boss about how the raises work and what can you do to get a raise. They might not be able to give you a raise until after 6 months. You can also figure out where you can improve in your work performance so you can get that raise. It shows you are willing to be a better employee and work for that extra money, rather than saying you 'want' a raise.

You need to look after yourself first. From what you post, it seems like your bf is the source of your financial problems. You really need to live apart from him and stop supporting him. He needs to become independent. He doesn't work and he makes you pick up after him. Not cool. Don't loan him a single penny. You aren't going to get it back and $10 for his groceries here and there adds up.
You say he doesn't really work, so who is paying for his half of the rent? Who is paying for his food? Consuming 6 liters of Coke a day is $100/month!

Reasons to move out:
Financial: it seems to be that you support him financially. He is only going to drag you further in debt.
Health: You said you gained weight living with him. Being overweight can lead to other health issues.
Emotional: He treats you like crap. You said he talks down to you because he is older and you don't know anything. Not cool. I can't see how that is a good environment for you to be in.

[wordsmith]

If you're only making 15k, regardless of where you live, odds are good that you NEED a living situation where you're splitting expenses with enough other people to keep your head above water. Being the primary breadwinner just isn't cutting it.

Even if you're not comfortable asking for it, keep in mind that you CAN ask for a raise...but there are of course NO guarantees that you'll get it. Someplace that's paying its (full-time?) employees 15k in the first place is probably not going to be one of your most raise-happy kind of employers. But it's worth at least finding that out.

[ExestentialHaze]

It is a part time job right now. 30 hrs a week. It's a very small company less than 10 people and I overheard my boss one day say that they charge people $45 an hour for what I do. So if they are deducting my $11 they are making way more and not giving me enough for what I do. It can be a stressful job at times, and I am lucky I can be as creative as I want to be when the time arises, which is almost every day!

I'd have to say this job so far is my main focus, and...if it doesn't show any promise I'm going to look for something else in the meantime so that I can find someone who wants to pay what I am worth.

I have two degrees and underpaid! Very frustrating indeed! I just thought this job would be better than this. But, no medical, no 401k, no advantages...kinda a hole in the floor going no where!

~Haze

[Chameleon]

Haze, what are your degrees in?

[meatwad]

It is a part time job right now. 30 hrs a week. It's a very small company less than 10 people and I overheard my boss one day say that they charge people $45 an hour for what I do. So if they are deducting my $11 they are making way more and not giving me enough for what I do. It can be a stressful job at times, and I am lucky I can be as creative as I want to be when the time arises, which is almost every day!

Well, they're not pocketing $34 per hour. Every business has expenses.

[ExestentialHaze]

Haze, what are your degrees in?

Multimedia/Web Design/Graphic Design

plus I have 9 years of floral design experience

12 years Retail

Have really been designing since I was about 6 years old.

~Haze

[weary]

If you're working a part-time job, you can probably fit in a second job that involves 10-15 hours a week. I previously mentioned a variety of part-time work (mystery shopping, merchandising, court research, etc.) that involves no real-life bosses and are readily available nationwide. You haven't responded to this at all, expressing interest in knowing more or not. I did this work for more than two years, my sister is still doing this type of work, going on five years. I am knowledgable, and I'd be more than willing to point you in the right direction regarding companies, etc.

I know it sucks hearing other people telling you to dump your bf. They're not emotionally involved with him like you are. But, from everything you've posted, your relationship is not healthy at all. He is an adult, he doesn't need you to live off of. You don't even have to break up, but either he needs to pay his share or get out of the apartment. You might think you can't live without whatever little he's pitching in, if any (I can't tell from your posts). But whatever he's pitching in is probably being outweighed by his numerous, unnesessary expenses. Please consider this.

When my boyfriend moved out after our failed attempted at cohabitation, if felt like the end of the world. It was right around Christmas too. I cried for two weeks straight. But it wasn't the end of the world, things worked out, both financially and relationshipwise. Like I've said before, it was one of the smartest decisions we've made as a couple. But was, emotionally, the hardest too.

Things are not going to be okay unless you make changes in your life. And you are more than capable of doing it, you have two degrees and sound like an intelligent person. Good luck.

ditto what kylulu said. you've gotta hustle until you can have 1 job that pays enough. i've done and still occasionally do mystery shopping. it can actually be fun sometimes and is very easy. i have a good friend who's been doin merchandising for years. also easy, and at your own pace/schedule.

the BF's gotta go.

and what are your experiences that you can realistically put on your resume (in years)? doing something since you were 6 doesn't mean squat to employers. degrees and on-the-job experience do. you've got 2 degrees, so i'd say you've got an advantage there.

[ExestentialHaze]

ditto what kylulu said. you've gotta hustle until you can have 1 job that pays enough. i've done and still occasionally do mystery shopping. it can actually be fun sometimes and is very easy. i have a good friend who's been doin merchandising for years. also easy, and at your own pace/schedule.

the BF's gotta go.

and what are your experiences that you can realistically put on your resume (in years)? doing something since you were 6 doesn't mean squat to employers. degrees and on-the-job experience do. you've got 2 degrees, so i'd say you've got an advantage there.

Well, would experience count if I did work while in high school...freelance for my teacher? Then from there up till now? So that would be almost 13 years of working on graphic design.

~Haze

[pisces2473]

Well, would experience count if I did work while in high school...freelance for my teacher? Then from there up till now? So that would be almost 13 years of working on graphic design.

~Haze
I think so. Do you have samples of the work you did for the people from then til now? Would these people you've worked for be willing to speak on your behalf, as a reference?

[weary]

I think so. Do you have samples of the work you did for the people from then til now? Would these people you've worked for be willing to speak on your behalf, as a reference?

what pisces said.

working on the school paper/yearbook...no. actual outside projects/work for teachers/administrators/whoever that were NOT connected to school work or activities...yes.

[ExestentialHaze]

I think so. Do you have samples of the work you did for the people from then til now? Would these people you've worked for be willing to speak on your behalf, as a reference?

I would have to either A: Make a few phone calls, or B: go directly to the school I went to. I am not sure if my old teachers are still there or not.

If they have retired I wouldn't know how to get through to them otherwise cause records change a lot in technical schools.

BF UPDATE: He's actually done some things on my to do list on the fridge that I have had posted for over a year now. He wants to get rid of all his things again and start over. He wants him and I to have a yard sale. But I am going to visit parents almost all the rest of this year's weekends. There's no way I could go through all the stuff I don't want and sort them to be for sale. If you saw my apt you'd crap your pants at all the stuff I have I can't part with. I'm a total pack rat and can't help it.

I want to have a yard sale and get rid of a lot...just would like some down time...I feel like I work too much...being that I haven't had a decent vacay in almost 4 years.

~Haze

[pisces2473]

Wait, you went to a technical school? What did you study there? That's pretty impressive that you have training that far back.

You don't have any samples of your work?

RE: yard sale--tell him to have a sale for HIS stuff. In the spring, you can have one for yours.

[ExestentialHaze]

what pisces said.

working on the school paper/yearbook...no. actual outside projects/work for teachers/administrators/whoever that were NOT connected to school work or activities...yes.

My first project was for a concert I was in at school.

Well actually some of the school projects were pretty serious jobs. One was for a house project where I set up a brochure for our landscaping/constructional tech class where they built a house for unfortunate people.

Another one was a business card for a teacher

There was about 3 other projects I did that were outside...I think those got lost though when I moved, but I can remember the layout of them in my mind.

And today in between jobs I am copying a lot of what I have done here at my job now to put into a portfolio.

When I was almost done with my first degree I worked a month at a small printer, and then in the meantime worked at a grocery store too.

A few years after that I worked for a software company, but they had to downsize because of the economy, and then 911 happened. I was unemployed a few times in between more gorcery store work, and then I liked the floral, and had a contracting job to work on a website, got that done in less time than expected. When I worked on that I had 3 jobs at once.

I think the majority of my problem is I am so burnt out!

So...I am working on building more for my portfolio and going to look for more jobs that are going to pay more and give benefits too.

~Haze

[ExestentialHaze]

Wait, you went to a technical school? What did you study there? That's pretty impressive that you have training that far back.

You don't have any samples of your work?

RE: yard sale--tell him to have a sale for HIS stuff. In the spring, you can have one for yours.

Printing Technology/Desktop Publishing/PrePress Design.

My senior year was jam packed...I took 5 different math classes cause it was required of me to do so to get into college. On top of THAT...I was taking college prep in regular school after I got back from tech half days.

So...I just think that most of my hard work has gone down the tubes, ya know?

I'm so drained

~Haze

[pisces2473]

Printing Technology/Desktop Publishing/PrePress Design.
WOW that's great. I wish I has some skills like that.

Burned out or not, you have to just bite the bullet and start going on building up your portfolio, redoing your resume, etc. That's good that you're working on stuff today in between jobs. Just do a little bit at a time and it won't feel so overwhelming.

[ExestentialHaze]

You don't have any samples of your work?


I do, but it is very small right now. I have a few hobby things I did, photo retouching and fake ads I did with my own photography and such. It's funny when I was younger before I turned 15 or so I was horrible in school. I guess from end of middle school thru now I had great grades...except for calculus in College...I got a C- in that class. I have one semester in college where I was on the dean's list.

My technical school awarded me with Outstanding Senior Award, and My first college gave me a plaque for having perfect attendance!

I am proud of a lot of things I have accomplished. Just not a lot of people seem to see it and prais me for it.

~Haze

[pisces2473]

I do, but it is very small right now. I have a few hobby things I did, photo retouching and fake ads I did with my own photography and such. It's funny when I was younger before I turned 15 or so I was horrible in school. I guess from end of middle school thru now I had great grades...except for calculus in College...I got a C- in that class. I have one semester in college where I was on the dean's list.

My technical school awarded me with Outstanding Senior Award, and My first college gave me a plaque for having perfect attendance!

I am proud of a lot of things I have accomplished. Just not a lot of people seem to see it and prais me for it.

~Haze
Well, things you did in HS are good when you are a freshman/soph. in college looking for jobs. But now that you're a college grad, you have to focus on things you did in college, over the summers in college, etc. How long have you been out of school for? If it's over 5 yrs, you really can't put anything from college on your resume, unless you were like, editor in chief of your college paper and are going into newspaper writing/editing.

[ExestentialHaze]

WOW that's great. I wish I has some skills like that.

Burned out or not, you have to just bite the bullet and start going on building up your portfolio, redoing your resume, etc. That's good that you're working on stuff today in between jobs. Just do a little bit at a time and it won't feel so overwhelming.

Thanks! That really feels good to hear!

Now to emote what I feel to everyone what runs through my head and heart all day long.

bleh, that is what I want people to see....how hurt I am...I need compliments or I feel shitty all the time.

~Haze

[ExestentialHaze]

Well, things you did in HS are good when you are a freshman/soph. in college looking for jobs. But now that you're a college grad, you have to focus on things you did in college, over the summers in college, etc. How long have you been out of school for? If it's over 5 yrs, you really can't put anything from college on your resume, unless you were like, editor in chief of your college paper and are going into newspaper writing/editing.

I graduated in 2001 to finish College completely!

~Haze

[pisces2473]

Thanks! That really feels good to hear!

Now to emote what I feel to everyone what runs through my head and heart all day long.

bleh, that is what I want people to see....how hurt I am...I need compliments or I feel shitty all the time.

~Haze
You're welcome, and I'm serious. I work in marketing for a publisher and I have no idea how to do 1/2 the things I'm supposed to do. I have to ask for a LOT of help. LOL

You're much easier to talk to and help now that you're calm. When you were upset before, it was difficult to work with you :)

Okay, so you graduated in 2001--that's 5.5 years. I would focus on what you've been doing since college and if you have any "shining" things from college, you can put those in, but way down near the bottom.

For the other stuff that I know from various retail jobs or things I've picked up on my own--I have a separate section for that stuff on my resume called "Summary of Qualifications."

[ExestentialHaze]

You're welcome, and I'm serious. I work in marketing for a publisher and I have no idea how to do 1/2 the things I'm supposed to do. I have to ask for a LOT of help. LOL

You're much easier to talk to and help now that you're calm. When you were upset before, it was difficult to work with you :)

Okay, so you graduated in 2001--that's 5.5 years. I would focus on what you've been doing since college and if you have any "shining" things from college, you can put those in, but way down near the bottom.

For the other stuff that I know from various retail jobs or things I've picked up on my own--I have a separate section for that stuff on my resume called "Summary of Qualifications."

Ok, maybe you can help me with my resume. I got the job here with a good resume...I tried to keep it to one page but it ended up being 2 I think. I'd have to go back into my records at home on my computer. But I have my Info first, Objective second, then skills, then experience and then extra blurbs at the end.

I took 3 classes on resume building. Was also in a few clubs when I was in Tech and regular school. One of the courses I took in Tech was called Quality First, and it was all about quality control and quality troubleshooting.

Uhm...can't think of anything else at the moment. Oh yea and cause I am a designer I spruce my resume up with some nice graphics or colors to be more eye catching.

~Haze

[ExestentialHaze]

Okay, so you graduated in 2001--that's 5.5 years. I would focus on what you've been doing since college and if you have any "shining" things from college, you can put those in, but way down near the bottom.

For the other stuff that I know from various retail jobs or things I've picked up on my own--I have a separate section for that stuff on my resume called "Summary of Qualifications."


I really haven't done a lot of graphics since graduation. Tried applying to as many jobs as I could, but none of my bait caught the fish. That's why I found floral design to be so gratifying and have that experience. But all in between all that...I still refreshed myself in all the newest programs I could get my hands on. Copies from friends and family etc.

So that is one area I am trying to make up for with this new job I have here. It's still pretty new, started July 1st.

So...I am also trying to be fast and accurate...some times I am not always accurate, and that's not just me...my boss doesn't always communicate efficiently about certain things. I have had a few scenarios where he got frustrated with me about a couple things.

I am trying not to screw things up. And some days it doesn't help when I have a ton of problems and can't just keep everything away from the workplace. Ya know!?

~Haze

P.S.-I got to see Ben Folds Five back in 1999-2000 at a college near Lancaster. They put on a great show. I stood right up front by the stage.

[Suidoken]

Since you own a car you can borrow money against the Title. The amount you can borrow depends on how much the car is worth. You would have to have car insurance. There are low budget lenders like American General who will give you cash for a title. I had to do this recently because I needed a lawyer. American General has the title to my car and they loaned me $7500.

In theory you should be able to cut back all extras. Eating out cell phone (go with prepaid) cable stuff like that to free up some money. Use the money from the car to pay off the $4500 The car loan payment should be lower than the payments of all your debt combined within that original $4500. Now the trick is whether you are disciplined enough to use the money you freed up from cutting back and paying off your original debt to repay the car loan. If you don’t pay back the car they will reposs it.

If you are able to get a sizeable amount of money back for your car which is over what you paid for the original loan you can reinvest that money into job specific training like mindleaders.com or strayer. You goal is to get out of the hole and make it so that you can never fall in that hole again. That is where the education skills will come into play. A new job with a higher salary would help and this can be a byproduct of the new job related education.