What do you do as a MOH? [Archive]

pisces2473

11-09-2006, 03:56 PM

Yeah that's true. I don't expect a ton from my MOH, just to help me out a bit. She lives in Boston so she can't do a lot of planning with me.

I was my aunt's MOH and didn't do that much besides standing there w/ her at the ceremony and going to the showers and stuff.

Here's the wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maid_of_honor

Biodork and SmilesSoSweet are current MOH's too.

pisces2473

11-09-2006, 03:58 PM

I guess I look at it as someone to help fold and stuff envelopes but even then that should be up to the groom to help.
hahahaha, NO. They don't want to do that. Girls like helping each other with these things.

I guess she would just wear a different color dress and stand next to me.
Could be a diff. color, diff. style, just have a bigger bouquet, it's totally up to the bride

Id plan my own shower, bachelorette party etc......
Oh no. No no no...that's not good etiquette to plan your own shower, it's like asking for gifts...and besides, with all of those friends, you're sure to have a kickass shower and bach party!

WorkInProgress

11-09-2006, 03:59 PM

You might check out the knot. Seriously. Or browse your local bookstore (or library). They are oodles of wedding books.

The MOH for the wedding I was just in was fabulous. She:

-helped the bride choose BM dresses (2 piece, and the BM all got to pick whatever top looked best on them)
-went dress shopping with the bride
-took the helm at planning a shower (all the BM chipped in, but she did the bulk of it)
-helped the bride get dressed on the day
-helped the bride get bustled, etc. on the day
-I think she also helped look for caterers, florists, bakers, etc.
-helped the bride with her veil, bouquet, dress, etc. during the ceremony

She was basically the right hand of the bride. I should also note that the bride planned her wedding in a year, so it's not like this was all squished into a short period of time.

A lot of times the MOH also plans the bachelorette party. And makes a toast at the wedding reception. Other BM did these things in my friend's wedding.

Ciderhillnh

11-09-2006, 04:15 PM

See I guess first off thats fine if the groom doesnt want to stuff envelopes...but its HIS wedding too and he should participate in helping with those items.

Id probably go dress shopping with my mom or alone......why does an MOH need to be a part of that?
Why is it bad taste to plan your own shower....send out invitations to come to my house at a certain date and time....no gifts are required.
Getting dressed on the wedding day? Uhm.....you just pull the dress on correct? I could probably do that myself or have my mom help if absolutely necessary?
Cant the bride look for her own florist, caterer etc?
I can see holding the bouquet during the ceremony.......but eveything else?

As far as the bachelorette party Id fear that it wouldnt be what I wanted or on a date that would work (since all the ones Ive been to have been surprises and Im typically booked up) and Id be worried that some detail would be overlooked.
Id just book the party bus, tell my friends the date and where we were going and be done with it.

Maybe Im just to much in need to be in control, or maybe I just have no idea what goes into it all.

pisces2473

11-09-2006, 04:19 PM

Wow, I've never seen questions like these...

See I guess first off thats fine if the groom doesnt want to stuff envelopes...but its HIS wedding too and he should participate in helping with those items.
Yeah, but most of the time they just don't want to do it...or they'll mess them up, etc.

Id probably go dress shopping with my mom or alone......why does an MOH need to be a part of that?
They don't HAVE to, but it's fun to go with a few people. Not a crowd though, that's OBNOXIOUS.

Why is it bad taste to plan your own shower....send out invitations to come to my house at a certain date and time....no gifts are required.
A shower IS to shower the bride/couple with gifts. You don't have a shower w/out gifts. There's no point. Other people throw you the shower.

Getting dressed on the wedding day? Uhm.....you just pull the dress on correct? I could probably do that myself or have my mom help if absolutely necessary?
Hahahaha, that's what I thought, too. Putting on the dress is a BITCH. Even the simple ones.

Cant the bride look for her own florist, caterer etc?
Yes, that's what I'm doing, with FI. Some brides want help from MOH, some don't, it's all subjective.

As far as the bachelorette party Id fear that it wouldnt be what I wanted or on a date that would work (since all the ones Ive been to have been surprises and Im typically booked up) and Id be worried that some detail would be overlooked.
Your friends would check with you. Don't worry about that.

Maybe Im just to much in need to be in control, or maybe I just have no idea what goes into it all.
Yeah, that might have something to do with it...

WorkInProgress

11-09-2006, 04:24 PM

It's not just always about needing help, but wanting help, input, guidance, a trusted second opinion, etc.

You can do whatever you want. You don't even need to have a MOH if you don't want one, but you'll have to have someone witness.

I'm with pisces on the shower thing. The whole point of a shower is gifts. (No, really.) You could throw a different kind of party, like an engagement party (or maybe a nice couples cocktail party or something) but not your own shower.

And at my friend's recent bachelorette, we talked with her about the date. Just like the people who hosted showers talked to her about those too.

Ciderhillnh

11-09-2006, 04:27 PM

Ha ha....well my groom whoever he is will have another thing coming. Its not up to the bride to plan EVERYTHING it isnt her day its the couples day so he better anticipate in helping out with some things that arent super girly.

I rarely go shopping with my friends......I cant see my trying on dresses and not liking them as a fun experience. Seems like a solo project or one Id subject my mom to.

Cant a shower just to be to have all the women get together and celebrate the impending marriage?
I dont actually need anything for my house hold etc. The one shower I went to, the bride got lingerie....and if I ever opened anything like that NEAR my family.......yeah not good.

So why is it the MOH that helps the bride get dressed? Cant a mother or something help instead?
Or just find a dress that you can just put on without much hassle?

Yeah see if my friends tried to plan a bachelorette party it wouldnt be possible for it to be a surprise.....

EH...Im nowhere near being an MOH or a bride anyway.......just curious.

cheshrcarol

11-09-2006, 04:27 PM

Id probably go dress shopping with my mom or alone......why does an MOH need to be a part of that?
Why is it bad taste to plan your own shower....send out invitations to come to my house at a certain date and time....no gifts are required.
Getting dressed on the wedding day? Uhm.....you just pull the dress on correct? I could probably do that myself or have my mom help if absolutely necessary?The MOH doesn't HAVE to go, but sometimes it's nice and the bride likes having a friend along for their opinion. And some dresses are complicated to fasten and have bustles - which someone else needs to do, ie the MOH. And it's bad to plan your own shower because the point is to be "showered" with presents. It's just not considered polite to ask for presents.

Cant the bride look for her own florist, caterer etc?Sure, why not?
I can see holding the bouquet during the ceremony.......but eveything else?How much stuff do you think she'll be carrying?

As far as the bachelorette party Id fear that it wouldnt be what I wanted or on a date that would work (since all the ones Ive been to have been surprises and Im typically booked up) and Id be worried that some detail would be overlooked. Id just book the party bus, tell my friends the date and where we were going and be done with it.Well, when I was helping to plan my friend's bachelorette, I just asked her a ton of questions about what she wanted. And we worked with her fiance and family to schedule it because she wanted it to be a surprise, but it doesn't have to be.

wordsmith

11-09-2006, 04:28 PM

My one sister in law did all the invitations herself with my brother (because my brother's sweet and like that and will help with details...some guys won't).

For the other, she designed them herself, and they needed to be assembled, with sheets of vellum, and stuff. We had a little luncheon where anybody who wanted to help could...MOH, bridesmaids, family, etc.

Dress shopping, you can do that with whomever you want. But usually the maid of honor is somebody close to you, with whom you'd probably go shopping anyway. If I were getting married, my MOH would be my sister, and I'd take my sister dress shopping anyway.

A shower is a party thrown for you, not one you throw for yourself. Likewise, a bachelorette is a party thrown in you honor.

Dresses needing assistance, it depends. I had a friend who got married in a simple white silk column dress from J Crew. No real problem. But for a dress with a bustle, corset, train, etc., you do need somebody to help you get it on, and smooth it out during the ceremony, etc. I've known people who have to have somebody go to the bathroom with them to hold the dress so they can pee.

blueyes

11-09-2006, 04:43 PM

I'm a MOH now and was a de facto one earlier this year. Here's some of what I've done...

I threw the bridal shower (and yes, the others are correct - throwing it for yourself is in bad taste, as is having it thrown by any immediate family member). I did the majority of the work, from the cooking to the planning to the favors to the menu to the [insert party planning/execution activity here].

I planned logistics and directions (and etc etc etc) for out-of-town bridal party members and relatives.

I kept track of bouquets (everyone's).

I did the female toast at the reception.

I thankfully did not participate in wedding invitation stuffing; somehow, the bride pulled this one off all by herself (bless her heart).

SmilesSoSweet

11-09-2006, 04:44 PM

Like pisces said, I'm a MOH for a friend's wedding next summer.

The one thing I did was talked to my friend about what she expects from me.

I gave her suggestions as to how my brother's wedding was. I'm planning her bachelorette party. It's actually already planned, we just need to pick a date.

As for a shower, I told her that my brother had a wedding shower where it was co-ed and it was a chance for the families to meet and there were a few games and lots of food and gifts.

My brother is the ONE extreme case where it was his wedding and not hers. LOL Seriously. He was Bridezilla.

As for dress shopping and help putting on the dress, for my SIL, all the bridemaids, MOH and brides mom were in the room "helping" her get ready. It was really for the wedding DVD and after watching it, it was really cute to have that segment in there.

But really a wedding *should* be what the bride and groom wants. If you don't want a MOH, then you don't have to have one.

Ciderhillnh

11-09-2006, 05:02 PM

Its not that I dont want one it sjust that I dont understand why this one person is doing all the stuff that should be left up to the people who are planning the party.

I dont have any sisters to go shopping with...the only person Im close to that I trust on clothing opinions is my mom.

Well if its a party thrown in my honor.....not really interested. I dont need gifts, and the hokey games that are played...blah. Plus all those people watching you open stuff....its boring for those seated watching...I wouldnt want to put people through that.
And for the bachelorette...I think Id want to do that, but I doubt that anyone would be able to plan and put it together.

OMG why would you get a dress that you have to have someone hold up so you can pee?!

Im so just not fussy----Id have to make sure the dress was easy to get on so no one is burdened with having to help me with it and that Im capable of peeing on my own! lol

WorkInProgress

11-09-2006, 05:06 PM

Its not that I dont want one it sjust that I dont understand why this one person is doing all the stuff that should be left up to the people who are planning the party.

If it's done right, she's not doing all that stuff that should be up to the bride & groom. She's helping. Not the same thing.

But this is a moot point, since you aren't going to be one any time soon and aren't looking for one any time soon.

pisces2473

11-09-2006, 08:50 PM

But this is a moot point, since you aren't going to be one any time soon and aren't looking for one any time soon.
You're great.

Also, yes, in today's world, most of the wedding stuff is planned, looked at, chosen, etc by both the bride AND groom. But not always, and not all of the stuff. I don't think C gives two shits about what the flowers look like. So I'll do that--either on my own, with a friend, with my mom, whatever. He cared about the reception location, the cake and the photographer. We still have to do the cake stuff. It's really fun when you plan WITH your FI b/c you get to build your day together. But, there are things that most guys don't know about, so that's why you need a mom or a close friend.

Bachelorettes don't have to be a surprise. You don't have to go out to strip clubs, you can have dinner and games and drinks at home. Whatever YOU want to do, you do.

If you don't need anything for your house, then you don't have a shower. That's fairly easy.

Oh, and EVERY WOMAN has opened lingerie in front of her mother and other relatives. It's almost like a tradition. It doesn't have to be trashy, either. I wouldn't be weirded out if my mom gave me a pretty nightie.

pisces2473

11-09-2006, 08:51 PM

OMG why would you get a dress that you have to have someone hold up so you can pee?!

Im so just not fussy----Id have to make sure the dress was easy to get on so no one is burdened with having to help me with it and that Im capable of peeing on my own! lol
Some people just wanna look like a princess. I didn't think I wanted a "big" dress, but I got one. I think I'm gonna take it off to pee. lol

Also, I thought you have all these friends...why are you so doubtful about them wanting to throw parties for you or go shopping with you?

wordsmith

11-09-2006, 08:53 PM

Oh, and EVERY WOMAN has opened lingerie in front of her mother and other relatives. It's almost like a tradition. It doesn't have to be trashy, either. I wouldn't be weirded out if my mom gave me a pretty nightie.

My mom gave M a pretty silk nightie with matching robe (really demure, not anything slutty, hah) at a shower, and M, who can be kinda prudish, was embarrassed...I think just because HER mom was there, who probably would have given her a flannel turtleneck nightgown and told her to open it at home when nobody could see her. :rolleyes:

WorkInProgress

11-09-2006, 08:55 PM

Thanks pisces, I'm here all week.

Ciderhillnh

11-10-2006, 09:43 AM

EVERY WOMAN has not opened lingerie in front of her mother or other relatives, thats a pretty broad statement.....Yeah lingerie in front of my family.....hell no. Ive never even opened underwear as a gift near my mother.....so at a shower with many more people...hell no.

I never said Id want to head to a strip club....Id probably want to ask random guys to do random stuff and get pictures and go clubbing.

I do have all these friends, they just arent planners, Im the one who puts everything together and tells them whats going on....Ive never seen them plan anything so I doubt they would take the initiative or know how to.

As for shopping....when I go shopping its typically alone, I just hate browsing for hours in one store...I walk in look around walk out....if someone doesnt shop similarly I cant do it I get aggervated. So most times when I go shopping with someone, its for stuff they need....then I dont care as much.

mishl982

11-10-2006, 10:21 AM

I think it depends on each bride what they expect of their MOH.
Um can I repeat my original statement that it's up to every bride what she wants her MOH to do?

Some brides want their MOH to just be there and nothing else.

Some brides want their MOH to be her right hand woman and help with planning etc.

Some brides want their MOH to do it all.

Some brides don't want a MOH.

sparky88

11-10-2006, 10:28 AM

My MOH did these things:

1. Gave advice when needed during the planning stages (dress colors/style/decorations) over the phone/email.

2. Organized 1 bridal shower for me.

3. Our wedding was on a saturday evening, and she came in town on thursday afternoon to help with last minute details (and just hang out/chill with me). She helped set up the decorations at the reception (took 1 hr), and we made 2 picture collages to display at the sign-in area (2 hrs). Then we went to dinner and a movie with my fiance. We went over the finer details of the big day (30 min).

4. She helped organize people at the rehearsal, ceremony, and photographer(answered, where do I stand? what do I do? from last minute jitters). She had a chart to follow.

5. On the wedding day, we just had fun. We got our makeup and hair done. She and my fiance took our homemade cake to the reception hall. Instead of having random people ask me questions, I had all the questions directed to her and then she would ask me them. That way I only had questions coming at me from 1 person, not 80. Finally, she smiled, held my dress as needed, and gave a toast at the reception. She helped us transport gifts from the reception hall to my parents house.

She had a blast & so did I!

It must also be said that I was her MOH the year prior, and I also did these same things for her. So she already had wedding experience and knew where I may need help/advice.

pisces2473

11-10-2006, 10:36 AM

I never said Id want to head to a strip club....Id probably want to ask random guys to do random stuff and get pictures and go clubbing.

Um, I just threw that out there as an example. I never said you wanted that.

pisces2473

11-10-2006, 10:37 AM

Um can I repeat my original statement that it's up to every bride what she wants her MOH to do?

Some brides want their MOH to just be there and nothing else.

Some brides want their MOH to be her right hand woman and help with planning etc.

Some brides want their MOH to do it all.

Some brides don't want a MOH.
Hehehe, I love you.