"He's not into you" question

[eastcoaster782]

So I read somewhere that if a guy is interested in a girl, he wouldn't hesitate to ask her out. Anyone agree or disagree?

[Kitty]

Here we go again, hehe...

[eastcoaster782]

I'm just curious...have a bet going with a friend.

[stonemonkey]

I'm a guy. If I like you, I will ask you out. It's quite simple, really.

[spiritedaway]

Hehehe, that was my first reaction too.

From my (girl's) perspective, yes. I think if a guy is interested enough, he'll ask. (with the caveat that you encouraged the guy enough).

From the guy's perspective (what I understand), no. Guys can't read signals :huge: AT ALL, so unless you whack them over the head that you like them, they may not even know you're alive (or interested in them). :eek:

That's all. I am staying away from this topic. :razz:
Good luck. I hope you win the bet.

Here we go again, hehe...

[stonemonkey]

Guys can't read signals :huge: AT ALL, so unless you whack them over the head that you like them, they may not even know you're alive (or interested in them). :eek:

Well yeah, girls tend to be more subtle and perceptive about these things.

[wordsmith]

I'm a guy. If I like you, I will ask you out. It's quite simple, really.

Unless you're intimidated, or don't feel like it, or kinda like this other one chick, or blahblahblah....

Come on, Stone...if it were all just as simple as "Duh! If I like you, I'll ask you out!" we wouldn't have half the angsty threads we've had on this board. Right?

Truth is, guys will often wait for an ironclad sign that you like THEM before they'll be up front about being interested in you, isn't that so? And, yes, as spiritedaway put it, that perspective can be greatly tainted by the oblivious factor. As illustrated by one of my guy friends just told me today, "Okay, are you annoyed with me? What did I do (or more likely NOT do)? We guys are dense. We just don't know."

[eastcoaster782]

Yeah, I plan to win this bet. Long story how the bet came to be, but I'm pretty confident in my approach to this topic. Thanks!

[stonemonkey]

Sure, but that just means I didn't like her THAT much.

[Kitty]

There's a lot of threads on this topic here..you could search for some more insights.

[wordsmith]

Sure, but that just means I didn't like her THAT much.

Hah! He waffles. :razz:

"I'll totally ask her out(if I like her a lot)! If not, it's 'cause I didn't like her THAT much." :huge:

[stonemonkey]

Well there's different types of angst and you have to look at it from a case-by-case basis, not all the girls I like are the same....ok, yeah, I am waffling....

[wordsmith]

Ahahahahahahahahahahah.

That's all I'M SAYIN'!

(And, yes, I am teasing you)

[stonemonkey]

Actually, I would say the number one reason I would hesitate to ask a girl out is if I suspect she's already taken. And then the stupid thing is that I think that a girl who is that gorgeous must surely be taken already. Anyway, that's for another angsty thread.

[stonemonkey]

(And, yes, I am teasing you)

I know, I know, it's all good.

[wordsmith]

This IS for another thread, but why is it that big a deal to ask a girl out and find out she's taken? It's not like she's gonna slap you across the face with her glove and say, *gasp* "Masher!" and spin on her heels and stalk away or something.

And it's not even that embarrassing, I wouldn't think, because hey, it's better than being shot down because she just doesn't think you're all that. Being a day late and a dollar short seems like the least ego bruising of letdowns, to me. Can't really feel badly that somebody else got there first, and you can laugh it off with a "Well, I had to ask," and voila, face saved.

I mean, geez, I was all taken last night with a flirty guy who I later that night found out through a quick iStalking episode is engaged. Now, I had no indication, guys don't wear rings, and he was flirty.

[stonemonkey]

There's a difference between e-stalking and being knocked back to their face, but it's more having to walk away meekly with my tail between my legs that I'm not so keen on. My worst fear, irrational as it may be, is that the boyfriend actually shows up while I'm in the midst of talking to her. I know that's the wrong attitude, that it should more be her loss, but you can't deny that at best it's an awkward moment.

[wordsmith]

There's a difference between e-stalking and being knocked back to their face, but it's more having to walk away meekly with my tail between my legs that I'm not so keen on. My worst fear, irrational as it may be, is that the boyfriend actually shows up while I'm in the midst of talking to her. I know that's the wrong attitude, that it should more be her loss, but you can't deny that at best it's an awkward moment.

Yes, but my point is, I could have given Hot Radio Guy my digits last night (and would have, slyly, with my business card, since it was a work-related thing, had I had any with me), and then found out later that, oh, he's not really on he market. No harm done, how was I to know? And am I embarrassed that I was interested, prior to knowing he's taken? Am I sheepish about it? Hell, no. Why would I be?

If the BF shows up while you're talking to her, oh, well, then you know, and don't ask her out, right? So no harm done. It's not like the BF steps up, and you bravely sully forth and ask her out anyway.

Also, why would you have to walk away meekly with your tail between your legs? It's easy enough to gracefully get out of it, since there's no way to tell somebody's taken unless you see them with the person, or are told so. It's like you misread, there's no way to know.

[stonemonkey]

I dunno, I understand what you're saying, but I guess it just never occurred to me that it could be anything but awkward. Like I'll say something suggestive and then she'll say 'well, I don't think my boyfriend would appreciate that' and that pretty much stops the conversation dead in it's tracks. Then it's a matter of delicately extricating myself from the situation, seeing as the only reason I was talking to her was because I was interested in her to start with. It's not like I can go 'ok then, see ya, have a nice life!'

By the way, shouldn't you be discouraging my blatant threadjacking?

[ScottyTheBody]

Truth is, guys will often wait for an ironclad sign that you like THEM before they'll be up front about being interested in you, isn't that so? And, yes, as spiritedaway put it, that perspective can be greatly tainted by the oblivious factor. As illustrated by one of my guy friends just told me today, "Okay, are you annoyed with me? What did I do (or more likely NOT do)? We guys are dense. We just don't know."

Agreed 100%

[Winter Storm]

I think a guy can be interested and still hesitate to ask a girl out or never ask a girl out:

* for fear of rejection
* they may assume she's already taken
* they don't know what to say or how to approach it
* they thinks she's out of his league.

[dengeist]

I think a guy can be interested and still hesitate to ask a girl out or never ask a girl out:

* for fear of rejection
* they may assume she's already taken
* they don't know what to say or how to approach it
* they thinks she's out of his league.

That's pretty much it. When I was younger, this was a problem for me, rejection is a mutha! Now that I'm a little older, not so much.

So, yeah, some guys will like a girl and not do anything, but there are some guys that will make an attempt. It depends on the guy really.

[and1grad]

So I read somewhere that if a guy is interested in a girl, he wouldn't hesitate to ask her out. Anyone agree or disagree?
Is ANYTHING ever that simple? Come on.

[stonemonkey]

So, yeah, some guys will like a girl and not do anything, but there are some guys that will make an attempt. It depends on the guy really.

I'm sort of inclined to think that if you like her but don't do anything about it, then you don't deserve her. On the other hand, in some situations, there simply are no opening lines, you don't have any good reason to start talking to her. This is the classic "sitting next to the cute girl on the bus" scenario. It's also why women in retail and hospitaliity get hit on all the time, it's because guys have an excuse to talk to them, which is their opening. If there's no opening there's nothing you can do. You can try to artificially create one, but she'll probably see right through it. Dammit, I'm waffling again.

[spokes]

I think a guy can be interested and still hesitate to ask a girl out or never ask a girl out:

* for fear of rejection
* they may assume she's already taken
* they don't know what to say or how to approach it
* they thinks she's out of his league.


Winterstorm - your handle on the male psyche is amazing - your post is bang on.

[Winter Storm]

Winterstorm - your handle on the male psyche is amazing - your post is bang on.

That's what I've been SAYING! And I love that you said "bang on". ;) :)

[dengeist]

I'm sort of inclined to think that if you like her but don't do anything about it, then you don't deserve her. On the other hand, in some situations, there simply are no opening lines, you don't have any good reason to start talking to her. This is the classic "sitting next to the cute girl on the bus" scenario. It's also why women in retail and hospitaliity get hit on all the time, it's because guys have an excuse to talk to them, which is their opening. If there's no opening there's nothing you can do. You can try to artificially create one, but she'll probably see right through it. Dammit, I'm waffling again.

I find that "Hi, my name is Rabbi-El." works when there's no opening. If she's not interested, oh well.

[spokes]

That's what I've been SAYING! And I love that you said "bang on". ;) :)


i am always up for some banging......... :eek: :cool: :huge:

[Brillo25]

I think a guy can be interested and still hesitate to ask a girl out or never ask a girl out:

* for fear of rejection
* they may assume she's already taken
* they don't know what to say or how to approach it
* they thinks she's out of his league.

Exactly. It's not so cut-and-dry. Men aren't numb to feeling hurt and embarrassed by rejection, believe it or not. If we think the rejection possibility is fairly high for whatever reason, then no matter how much we like you, we might not ask. If it's still the guy's job to do the asking in this day and age, then the girl damn well better give some good signals that she wants to be asked.

[stonemonkey]

If we think the rejection possibility is fairly high for whatever reason, then no matter how much we like you, we might not ask. If it's still the guy's job to do the asking in this day and age, then the girl damn well better give some good signals that she wants to be asked.

Doesn't that just mean that we just didn't like her enough to overcome the aversion to rejection? I don't think it's the girl's responsibility to do anything, if she's gotten the guy's attention, then her work is done. Sure, encouraging signals are extremely helpful, and I'll take them if I can get them, but she's got no reason to give any kind of a signal if you haven't approached.

[sandman1981]

So I read somewhere that if a guy is interested in a girl, he wouldn't hesitate to ask her out. Anyone agree or disagree?

I disagree, The person could just be shy or getting over a past relationship.

[Chameleon]

Actually, I would say the number one reason I would hesitate to ask a girl out is if I suspect she's already taken. And then the stupid thing is that I think that a girl who is that gorgeous must surely be taken already. Anyway, that's for another angsty thread.

Doesn't that just mean that we just didn't like her enough to overcome the aversion to rejection? I don't think it's the girl's responsibility to do anything, if she's gotten the guy's attention, then her work is done. Sure, encouraging signals are extremely helpful, and I'll take them if I can get them, but she's got no reason to give any kind of a signal if you haven't approached.
I see a potential problem. How exactly does a girl get a guy's attention without doing anything? Just by showing up and being hawt? Maybe if you waited to see if she was giving you some signs of interest, the odds that she doesn't have a boyfriend would be better :razz: :huge:

[stonemonkey]

I see a potential problem. How exactly does a girl get a guy's attention without doing anything? Just by showing up and being hawt?

Works for me.

Besides, she can't give me any signals if she doesn't know I exist. And she can't know that I exist unless I approach her.

[wordsmith]

Works for me.

Besides, she can't give me any signals if she doesn't know I exist. And she can't know that I exist unless I approach her.

Seriously? All it takes is for a girl to be there and hot to be noticed?

Hmmm, maybe the same is true of guys. Maybe all it takes for YOU to be noticed is to be there and attractive. Y'think?

[Chameleon]

Works for me.

Besides, she can't give me any signals if she doesn't know I exist. And she can't know that I exist unless I approach her.
Sounds like you either go after really self-absorbed women or blind ones :D That's the only way I can explain their lack of hottie detection capabilities :razz: (or do you think women are incapable of noticing attractive men outside a 2 foot radius?)

I have to admit it is really brave to approach a woman without any previous gauge of their interest level - kudos on that.

[stonemonkey]

Seriously? All it takes is for a girl to be there and hot to be noticed?

Hmmm, maybe the same is true of guys. Maybe all it takes for YOU to be noticed is to be there and attractive. Y'think?

No, because guys are supposed to also make the first move.

[stonemonkey]

Sounds like you either go after really self-absorbed women or blind ones :D That's the only way I can explain their lack of hottie detection capabilities :razz: (or do you think women are incapable of noticing attractive men outside a 2 foot radius?)


I'm not saying that at all, I'm just saying that I, as a guy, still have to be the instigator. I'm not complaining about it, that's just the way it is.

[wordsmith]

No, because guys are supposed to also make the first move.

I didn't say had the first move made toward, I said noticed.

[stonemonkey]

I'm sure people notice me, but that doesn't really get me anywhere. We just pass by each other like ships in the night.

[wordsmith]

That might be.

But you were saying that no girl knows a guy exists unless he approaches her. Which is just plain not true. All I'm saying.

[stonemonkey]

OK, I see what you're saying, I take it back.

She can't give signals unless I engage in some sort of interaction with her.

[The Stranger]

I can honestly say that I've never asked out a girl--I tried, once, but I didn't quite make it to the actual question, due to circumstances beyond my control. I just don't have the nerves for it. I've ended up in relationships due to forward women and dumb luck. Dating doesn't sound like fun at all, to me, so I imagine I'll continue that strategy, limited as it may be.

[fuzmiq]

Why does it have to be so freakin complicated. There is this guy I like and he is just giving me mixed signals. I don't get it.
I don't want to be a defeatist, but I am about to throw in the towel with him.