Too harsh?

[Ciderhillnh]

Im trying to get a guage on if my next step is too harsh. Ive asked several friends….now I want to ask some people who might not necessarily side with me.

Ive been having some roommate issues. Ill give some background and then whats been going on.
I live in a good sized condo. This roommate moved in Sept 1, so she has been there just about 3 months.
For the most part its an open floor plan…..the first floor is the kitchen (which is a U shape) and is seperated from the living room. The living room is large and open, then there is a set of stairs to go to the bedrooms (each have their own bath)

Recently, my roommate has been very loud at night, or when she knows Ive specifically gone upstairs to take a nap.
One Thursday night she went out with her friends and they all came back pretty drunk and so loud they woke both me and my BF up (he was staying over) we both sleep like the dead…it takes a huge amount of noise to wake us up.
Sound does carry, but if you speak in normal voices the sound doesn’t carry so much that its audible upstairs in the bedrooms.

The following night I came home to take a nap and specifically told my roommate I was going to take a nap. Im in my room with the door closed and her friend comes over and they are yelling up the stairs to one another, and generally clomping around in their shoes (which are supposed to be removed at the front door due to the hardwood floors throughout)
I didn’t get a nap…they were too loud.

She had another friend over about 3 weeks ago who got sloppy drunk and spilled stuff all over the hardwood floors near the kitchen and entrance and tried to clean it up but the floors were still really sticky so I had to get oil soap to remove it and condition the floors.

Her other friend came over and dropped a 6pack of beer which splattered all over the newly painted walls and floor. She cleaned up most of it but not all, and I had asked my roommate to take care of the rest, she didn’t so finally I had to clean it up last night nearly a month later.

Finally-----this week-----Tuesday Im watching a movie with my friend (which I asked if she wanted to join she didn’t) she is in her room with the door open talking on speaker phone so loud that we cant hear the movie. We ask her to shut her door, she doesn’t. Then she comes downstairs on the phone and goes into the kitchen still talking makes something to eat, keeps talking so we cant hear the movie.
She actually does this quite a bit….gets a call and just says where she is when she knows Im watching something…rather than going into her room or something and shutting the door as to be considerate and not disrupt.

Thursday night she went out with a group. Not only were they REALLY loud when over at the house before they left, but they got home at 230 am and woke me up…..I had to be up at 7. I opened my door and said QUIET! I HAVE TO WORK IN THE MORNING! They got quiet, but Im sick of feeling like I live in a dorm. I could care less if she goes out and what time she gets home, I care when I wake up due to noise….which seems when there is drinking, its not understood to be QUIET.

So Friday night she has friends over again, and I go out with mine…I come home near 3am, she is still there with her friends being very loud (thankfully I was just stopping home for a minute to grab stuff and let my friend sober up before driving home)
Well she comes into my room and tells me her friend went into my cabinet before she could stop him and he used one of my glasses…but that he dropped it and it shattered.
First Im pissed that they were using my stuff when she told them not to and to use stuff in her cabinet….second the glass was crystal, third…its from my grandfather----he used to serve me fresh OJ in it when we would visit him in FLA.

Now Ive been nice and patient and spoken several times to her, each she has said it wont happen again…which it has.

My next thought is the next time it happens (it might not but if it does) Im going to tell them to be quiet and that her friends need to leave right then and there.

In the morning or soon after….Im going to tell her that when she goes out drinking to go over to one of her friends houses and not to come back here because her friend lives alone therefor there isnt anyone to potentially wake up.

I already told her that I now don’t feel comfortable with her friends using my stuff so mine is now off limits. She understood that.

Side note----she also would keep forgetting to lock the top lock and one night came home and didn’t lock ANYTHING her reason…she was drunk! She has since solved this but I still worry.

So my question to you guys is:
Is my next step of if she wakes me up, booting her friends out and then asking that she go to a friends house the next time they are out drinking excessive?

Should I talk to her about consideration about the phone….going and closing the door if she is on speaker phone if she knows Im watching a movie etc?

Currently----Im not really comfortable because Im not around much and I cant constantly stop at home to make sure everything is okay. I don’t trust that her friends are careful in the house----I have expensive area rugs, a white leather couch, glass top tables…..Im really concerned something major is going to happen and IM going to get an oops, sorry wont happen again.

Thoughts, ideas, advice?! Sorry this is so long just trying to give as much info as possible.

[cache]

Personally, if she is not on the lease, I would kick her out. When it is something that causes you to lose sleep and stresses you out, it is not worth it.

Neither she nor her friends sound like responsible or respectful people, and like you said, it is only a matter of time before something gets damaged, destroyed, or stolen.

[weary]

cider,
is this your condo (as in you own it)? or are you both equal renters? what exactly is the financial/ownership relationship here?

[WorkInProgress]

I think cache has a good point.

It sounds like you and the roommate are not compatible living together. You're picky and she's irresponsible and inconsiderate. So, what can you do about that? Do you need her to live there? How long can you afford not to have a roommate? How long do you think it'll take to find a new, better roommate?

Do you have a written roommate agreement (who/when cleans communal roomes, takes out the trash, etc.)? If not, and you must live with this person, I would try to work one out. At the very least, you need to sit down and have a calm, rational, non-confrontational discussion with her regarding your living situation, behavior and expectations.

[Nelzie]

wow, this sucks. I had a very similar situation with my last roommate. Except we shared an apartment and were both on the lease. Finally I decided to move out, it was not worth it. I am so glad to never have to deal with her again.

Sorry I dont have any advice, but I dont think you are being unreasonable at all. As for the phone thing, why does she need to be on speaker phone anyway? I think if possible, it would be best to ask her to move out. Your living styles are not compatible

[pisces2473]

I agree with Cache. Maybe you need to think about an older roommate if you have so much stuff that you don't want damaged by people's crazy friends.

[winneythepooh7]

Kick her out. Give her a deadline to when she needs to be out. I see the potential for this getting worse.

[pisces2473]

Kick her out. Give her a deadline to when she needs to be out. I see the potential for this getting worse.
Ha, yeah...like the lesbians in the bathroom?

[and1grad]

Kick her out. Give her a deadline to when she needs to be out. I see the potential for this getting worse.
Ditto that and you make that deadline as short as legally possible.

[Ciderhillnh]

She is on a lease, through my father who is an owner WITH myself.

I do need a roommate, there is no possible way I can carry the place on my own for any period of time.
It took me 3 months to find her once I knew my other roommate was moving out. My old roommate took 10 months to find.

We do not have any written contract about who does what around the house, those are actually not issues at all, the issue is her friends being respectful-----which I now have no problem telling her that they are not welcome in the house, if they have been drinking.

I have no idea why she NEEDED to be on speaker phone. I know she was talking to someone about how to do some computer program so maybe she needed both hands so she could type? In any case closing the door would have solved the issue.

She is OLDER than me, by 2 years. My last roommate was the same age as me (well a month older) and she was very respectful of the items in the house.
I do have many items that are expensive and its not dorm furniture or hand-me-downs that are already beat up.......I take care of my things and have worked hard to get them, so I dont want them damaged.

I wouldnt say Im picky, I just dont want to be woken up at 230am and want to know that my stuff isnt going to be broken if Im not there to watch and make sure......

[and1grad]

I'm not positive but isnt the owner allowed to void the lease? I'd put some serious thought into replacing this roommate if I were you, rather than coming up with excuses to keep her there.

[winneythepooh7]

I'm not positive but isnt the owner allowed to void the lease? I'd put some serious thought into replacing this roommate if I were you, rather than coming up with excuses to keep her there.

I agree. Next time around, I also think (if you haven't already) you need to make it known what kind of behavior you do not want. Can you get references as well? Has anyone ever done anything like this when getting a potential roommate? Are there any colleges/grad schools in your area? Maybe you can find someone that way.

[Ciderhillnh]

We are compatible on many levels......she just needs to be more considerate of her voice level, what time she comes home and is loud and of not letting her friends use my stuff (which when I told her she was fine with)

Those are the things that we are having issues with. Its not like she is a total slob and never picks up after herself.....its not like she is waking me up EVERY night, its not like she has huge parties and beer is all over the floor.....it could be much worse, and Ive lived with much worse......I just wanted to make sure my reaction here is not too harsh for the situation.

[pisces2473]

I agree. Next time around, I also think (if you haven't already) you need to make it known what kind of behavior you do not want. Can you get references as well? Has anyone ever done anything like this when getting a potential roommate? Are there any colleges/grad schools in your area? Maybe you can find someone that way.
I also agree with Winney and And1.

Older--I meant like someone in their 30s. Two years older than you isn't much.

You're not being harsh, I think you need to sit down when it's quiet and there aren't any friends over and no one's drunk, and just talk. You can't do much about things when you're in the midst of a bad situation--someone's making too much noise, drunk people are in the house, etc.

[Ciderhillnh]

She is a grad student, which didnt seem like it would be an issue because she was supposed to work weekends as a nanny but she quit that job. I wasnt looking to live with a student just because of the drastically different lifestyle than mine. But when I met her and she explained all this stuff, it didnt seem that her lifestyle was much different.
.....and I make it VERY well known what my lifestyle is like.....basically, do as you want, just dont wake me up if Im sleeping. Dont BREAK my stuff, and in general be considerate.

I explain my desired household lifestyle by giving examples of what past roommates have done that has not worked or bothered me.

I have a major interview process I do when I meet roommates, much like an application to an office....I ask for 3 references, 1 personal and a background check including creidit.

[and1grad]

Ok maybe its just me, but now I'm getting confused and slightly annoyed. What do you WANT us to tell you? First, you paint this almost doomsday picture of this girl being inconsiderate and breaking your stuff...now you're acting like everything's smurfy except on Saturdays. Which is it? You said you've confronted her numerous times and she still behaves the same way. Is that acceptable to you or not?

[pisces2473]

How long has she lived there? 3 months? Maybe you need to have a 3 month "review" just to touch base and see how things are going...if you set it up under that guise, then you can bring up the recent occurrances and how you're unhappy with that, and you'd like it to change because it's not what you wanted in your home.

Employers do 3 month reviews...you should treat it like that.

[pisces2473]

Ok maybe its just me, but now I'm getting confused and slightly annoyed. What do you WANT us to tell you? First, you paint this almost doomsday picture of this girl being inconsiderate and breaking your stuff...now you're acting like everything's smurfy except on Saturdays. Which is it? You said you've confronted her numerous times and she still behaves the same way. Is that acceptable to you or not?
Not to mention, she said this in her original post:
Ive asked several friends….now I want to ask some people who might not necessarily side with me.

[Ciderhillnh]

I dont think someone in their 30s would be able to live with my lifestyle! Its not unusual for me to come home at 3am with friends and NOT wake up my roommate, hang out, drink more, watch a movie and then head out at 5am to grab breakfast or go to my BFs.

Most nights Im home late, I like to have friends over to have large movie nights......

Im not looking for someone who just comes home and is quiet, and I want to live with someone who is starting their career like myself, and goes out, and has friends etc....BUT that can also be considerate like myself.

My old roommate was/is a party girl, I never heard her come home drunk or with her friends......

[pisces2473]

Then why don't you just TALK to her and tell her you don't want this CRAP in YOUR home!?!

[weary]

have one last talk with her addressing the same issues you've voiced on here. treat it like a CAP (corrective action plan) @ work when an EE's written up...not quite using that same wording/formality though. tell her you don't think it's working out and why, and that you are willing to give it a little longer but if after the 'probation period' it's still not working, she's gotta go. give her 'til the end of the year to shape up or ship out. done.

[pisces2473]

have one last talk with her addressing the same issues you've voice on here. treat it like a CAP (corrective action plan) @ work when an EE's written up...not quite using that same wording/formality though. tell her you don't think it's working out and why, and that you are willing to give it a little longer but if after the 'probation period' it's still not working, she's gotta go. give her 'til the end of the year to shape up or ship out. done.
Yup, just like I said earlier...Cider, you even said you screen for roommates like you were hiring them to work for you. Treat this as such. You can't have it both ways.

[Ciderhillnh]

Basically......if she was horrific I would have asked her to move out.......period.

Im asking for if my reactions are harsh, and if Im justified in my reactions and next steps....which I stated in my original post.
I never said I wanted her to move out simply because thats not really an option due to finanaces and she isnt that horrible except for these instances.

Typically Monday - Wednesday things are fine. Thursday night, Friday night are tough....Thursdays I get pissed if Im being roused from sleep because I have to work on Friday (which has happened 2 times now)......and Friday nights - Sunday Im not even home (Sunday nights I get back around 11pm).....but it worries me that Im not and dont know whats going on----but Im not about to change going out with my friends to sit at home to make sure nothing is broken and then go out after she goes out and try to get home before her to again babysit.

I think the 3 month review idea is a smart one....she already knows Im displeased with a few things.

[pisces2473]

What about getting a lock for your cabinets? So your good stuff doesn't get broken by her "friends" when you aren't there? I know, it's YOUR home and you really shouldn't have to lock up your things...but I guess that's the only way to prevent them from getting inside?

[weary]

Basically......if she was horrific I would have asked her to move out.......period.

Im asking for if my reactions are harsh, and if Im justified in my reactions and next steps....which I stated in my original post.I never said I wanted her to move out simply because thats not really an option due to finanaces and she isnt that horrible except for these instances.

Typically Monday - Wednesday things are fine. Thursday night, Friday night are tough....Thursdays I get pissed if Im being roused from sleep because I have to work on Friday (which has happened 2 times now)......and Friday nights - Sunday Im not even home (Sunday nights I get back around 11pm).....but it worries me that Im not and dont know whats going on----but Im not about to change going out with my friends to sit at home to make sure nothing is broken and then go out after she goes out and try to get home before her to again babysit.

I think the 3 month review idea is a smart one....she already knows Im displeased with a few things.

no, your reactions aren't too harsh. your OP doesn't state what your next steps are going to be, but does ask for advice for same. i think the general consensus is give her the boot, which you say is not feasible. so go with the other suggestions i guess (cabinet locks, yet another convo with her, etc.)...

[pisces2473]

she already knows Im displeased with a few things.
I think that's a great way to start the convo. "I know that you know that I'm displeased by a few things...and I don't want things to escalate..." and then go on with the chat.

Also, if this is more of a business arrangement, you really have to treat it as such. I don't know if you guys are hang-out buddies or anything, but that might be why things are a little weird--if the lines are blurred. That's what I mean by "you can't have it both ways."

[wordsmith]

If you have extensive interviewing and background checking procedures, are considering conducting employee review-type assessments of your housemates, all in the name of finding somebody you can manage to live with, and even with these considerations taken, still can't seem to manage to find people to live with who are up to your standards, it might be time to consider that you're just a "live alone" type person.

Honestly, I've never screened my roommates quite so extensively as you have (or at all, formally, outside of common sense, gut reaction, prior knowledge stuff), and have never run into major problems, not once. It's odd to me that you've got more clearance levels than the Pentagon, and still can't find housemates who aren't deadbeats.

[cheshrcarol]

I would talk to her first and lay it all out nicely and calmly - tell her she's too loud and disrespectful. Let her know exactly what your expectations are, and that if she can't meet them, you may need to ask her to leave.

I'd also suggest restricting access to anything you'd be really upset over breaking either put things in a china cabinet with a lock, or even try one of those baby safety latches on the regular cabinet. That should keep a drunk guy out.


ETA: Living roommates does have it's inherent downsides. Maybe you should rent or sell the condo and live some place you can afford on your own.

[Ciderhillnh]

She isnt a deadbeat....she pays the bills and rent on time....she picks up after herself and 80% of the time things are fine.
I have a major screening process because Ive had such terrible roommates.

Ive relaxed most of my needs/wants and learned to live with certain things that might not have worked for me before.
I ENJOY living with people, living alone was just so.....lonely for the 10 months that I did it.

I dont think its much to ask to not be woken up late at night when Im asleep and the other person is coming home. That their friends are respectful of the items in the house, and that if you know someone is watching a movie or sleeping that you dont yell around the house or talk on the speakerphone.

I have friends over all the time....we have not once woken her up even when we have been watching movies at 4am and there have been 5 people 3 of whom were really drunk.
My friends dont go into her cabinets looking for glasses, and when they go into mine they grab the plastic tumblers so they dont risk breaking a glass.

WEARY----in my first post I stated that the next time her friends are over and wake me up, Im going to tell her right then that her friends need to leave and then the next morning tell her that she needs to go to her friends houses when they are out drinking because they are not welcome to come back to the condo because they have shown they are not able to be considerate and handle themselves.
I would then also talk to her about the noise level and consideration that she is currently lacking.

That was the next step I was going to take....I think its embedded in one of the longer paragraphs.

[pisces2473]

WEARY----in my first post I stated that the next time her friends are over and wake me up, Im going to tell her right then that her friends need to leave and then the next morning tell her that she needs to go to her friends houses when they are out drinking because they are not welcome to come back to the condo because they have shown they are not able to be considerate and handle themselves.
I would then also talk to her about the noise level and consideration that she is currently lacking.

That was the next step I was going to take....I think its embedded in one of the longer paragraphs.
And I don't think that will work. I think you need to nip it in the bud, and talk with her alone, when she's sober, and things are quieter. If you ask them to leave right there and then, you might not get the reaction you were looking for.

Like I said before:
You're not being harsh, I think you need to sit down when it's quiet and there aren't any friends over and no one's drunk, and just talk. You can't do much about things when you're in the midst of a bad situation--someone's making too much noise, drunk people are in the house, etc.

[weary]

WEARY----in my first post I stated that the next time her friends are over and wake me up, Im going to tell her right then that her friends need to leave and then the next morning tell her that she needs to go to her friends houses when they are out drinking because they are not welcome to come back to the condo because they have shown they are not able to be considerate and handle themselves.
I would then also talk to her about the noise level and consideration that she is currently lacking.

That was the next step I was going to take....I think its embedded in one of the longer paragraphs.
my bad - i thought by next step you meant doing something diff/more drastic. this isn't that far off of the convos you've already had with her. what makes you think she's going to actually adjust her behavior this time? saying she can't have friends over? saying it in front of them?

i see what you are saying, but in all honesty, don't think the 'wait unitl she effs up again and then confront her' is the best approach. it's already an issue, so why wait for it to happen again? address it with her now, with clearly defined consequences and goals.

[Ciderhillnh]

The issue is that the lease is NOT in my control, its in my fathers.....and there is a 90 day clause....anything is going to change, she gets 90 days notice.....if she wants to leave she only has to give 30.

Moving anything Id be upset about it breaking would mean putting the entire living room in a china cabinet. I have oak tables with glass table top inserts, a 40" tv, teak bookshelves and tv stand, area rugs (so that not all the hardwood is exposed) and a 5,000 white leather recliner end sectional sofa.

The baby lock might be the best idea for my cabinet with my glasswear etc.....it also will have to include my cabinet with my dishes and wine gobblets that are sentimental.

I cant rent/sell the condo. If I sold currently Id be selling at a loss, and its not my decision to make, I only own 1/3, its up to my parents. My parents wont rent out the entire unit...they want me living there so its owner occupied.

I agree that living with roommates has its ups and downs......my last roommate was perfect, not a SINGLE issue, not once.......so they are out there.

Im trying to give the benefit of the doubt here......I know I have spoken to her but I also dont want to jump all over her. Im trying to see if this last time with my being upset changes things, and if it doesnt it will then be the third time you're out kinda deal....out meaning a talk.

The reason Id approach her when her friends were over being noisey would be to A) kick them out so they know its not acceptable and also so she knows that its not going to be tolerated and they need to leave, simply their promising to be quiet isnt enough.
and I wouldnt sit down with her RIGHT THEN to talk about it.....not while she was drunk or whatever.....Id wait until the following day so that booze wouldnt be a factor, explain why I did what I did and what the next step is....what is going to HAVE to change and her period of time to change it and consequences if its not changed.

[cache]

To me, this falls on your personal call. I live in a big house with roommates, and whenever we need a new roommate, they always get a list of questions and qualifications first. One of them is always in regards to guests and noise.

But if this was never mentioned, it falls on you to make the call...

BTW...since your friends probably have a better idea of the situation, what did they say?

[pisces2473]

The issue is that the lease is NOT in my control, its in my fathers.....and there is a 90 day clause....anything is going to change, she gets 90 days notice.....if she wants to leave she only has to give 30.

Moving anything Id be upset about it breaking would mean putting the entire living room in a china cabinet. I have oak tables with glass table top inserts, a 40" tv, teak bookshelves and tv stand, area rugs (so that not all the hardwood is exposed) and a 5,000 white leather recliner end sectional sofa.

The baby lock might be the best idea for my cabinet with my glasswear etc.....it also will have to include my cabinet with my dishes and wine gobblets that are sentimental.

I cant rent/sell the condo. If I sold currently Id be selling at a loss, and its not my decision to make, I only own 1/3, its up to my parents. My parents wont rent out the entire unit...they want me living there so its owner occupied.

I agree that living with roommates has its ups and downs......my last roommate was perfect, not a SINGLE issue, not once.......so they are out there.
Okay, so you've got some snags that can't be worked out/changed. It looks like your action points should be:
1. Buying baby locks
2. Talking with her at a good time for her to listen.
3. Following up in a month to see where things are going.

Roommates are like any other relationship, sometimes you need to have a little "check in" and discuss needs, issues, problems, etc. Just because you checked her refs and she pays her rent and follows most rules, doesn't mean that there aren't other things that'll pop up along the way.

[pisces2473]

The reason Id approach her when her friends were over being noisey would be to A) kick them out so they know its not acceptable and also so she knows that its not going to be tolerated and they need to leave, simply their promising to be quiet isnt enough.
and I wouldnt sit down with her RIGHT THEN to talk about it.....not while she was drunk or whatever.....Id wait until the following day so that booze wouldnt be a factor, explain why I did what I did and what the next step is....what is going to HAVE to change and her period of time to change it and consequences if its not changed.
The only reason I mentioned that it might not work and that you two should talk alone, was b/c drunk people can be belligerent and the problems might get worse.

[WorkInProgress]

The reason Id approach her when her friends were over being noisey would be to A) kick them out so they know its not acceptable and also so she knows that its not going to be tolerated and they need to leave, simply their promising to be quiet isnt enough.
and I wouldnt sit down with her RIGHT THEN to talk about it.....not while she was drunk or whatever.....Id wait until the following day so that booze wouldnt be a factor, explain why I did what I did and what the next step is....what is going to HAVE to change and her period of time to change it and consequences if its not changed.

I don't see how causing her to lose face in front of her friends will help the situation.

[pisces2473]

I don't see how causing her to lose face in front of her friends will help the situation.
Yeah, esp. if they are already inconsiderate people, they might not care much about her getting in trouble with her roomie...and if they're drunk, they aren't gonna care about ANYTHING.

[Ciderhillnh]

Right which is why you are being to loud time to go is the course of action Im looking to take.
They arent beligerant hammered people, they just get loud and stumbly and giggly.

Noise and frequency of guests was discussed, as well as rules for when guests are over (take shoes off, dont break stuff, dont wake me up) it was all agreed and shared.....so I thought.
As I explained to her, Im not around much. I leave for work at 745, most nights Im not home again until 1030 or later.
I told her I dont care about her coming and going, just dont wake me up otherwise we have a problem...she nodded and agreed and said that would never happen. I went over this with her at least 3 times.

As for my friends, they all agree that Im not being outlandish in how I want to live or how I want the house to be kept. They also think that kicking her friends out again if they are loud and having a sit down about it the next day is a good way to roll with things.
They also all agree that she is inconsiderate about noise level as they have been on the phone with me or been over when its been going on and have rolled their eyes and said its nuts.

its not a matter of her losing face in front of her friends, its a matter of realizing that saying they will be quiet isnt enough to ensure that will happen, and also that since they are loud, there are consequences.
Ive kicked out friends that were being too loud and might have potentially woken up roommates.....because Im considerate like that. Take their keys, tell them to sit in their car or go for a walk until they sober up-----they come back sober get their keys and leave.
Even if they werent drinking and were too loud....out they go.

[pisces2473]

If you already asked your friends, and they said you were not harsh...why are you doubting them and asking us? You should trust your friends over us.

[weary]

okay cider, i get what you are saying. but what happens if the next time they do all the come home late loud drunk and incosiderate stuff, and too drunk to drive/leave? and it's winter (which is fast approaching)?

[Ciderhillnh]

Ever do a litmus test just to make sure your friends werent just agreeing because they are your friends?

[pisces2473]

okay cider, i get what you are saying. but what happens if the next time they do all the come home late loud drunk and incosiderate stuff, and too drunk to drive/leave? and it's winter (which is fast approaching)?
Yeah, that's where I was going before with my earlier posts about needing to nip this in the bud NOW...and the stuff about drunk people/things escalating/etc.

No, I don't need to do a litmus test on my friends. If I didn't trust them, they wouldn't be my friends.

[cache]

If you already talked to her about this, the she is violating house rules. Sorry, I'm a "by the book" kind of person, and at minimum I would point out the fact that she agreed to the terms regarding noise and guests, and if she can't live by them...so long....

I do understand the need for a roommate to split rent, though...

[WorkInProgress]

its not a matter of her losing face in front of her friends, its a matter of realizing that saying they will be quiet isnt enough to ensure that will happen, and also that since they are loud, there are consequences.
Ive kicked out friends that were being too loud and might have potentially woken up roommates.....because Im considerate like that. Take their keys, tell them to sit in their car or go for a walk until they sober up-----they come back sober get their keys and leave.
Even if they werent drinking and were too loud....out they go.

I realize that you see it not being a matter of losing face. I sincerely doubt that the roomie won't see it that way, though. I would certainly would see the immediate issue as my roommate causing me to lose face in front of my friends, if my roommate kicked my too drunk to drive home friends out of my living space. I think it's best for this sort of thing to be a private conversation with a minimum of embarrassment. But this isn't my living situation.

[WorkInProgress]

No, I don't need to do a litmus test on my friends. If I didn't trust them, they wouldn't be my friends.

There you go. Acquaintances, maybe. But not friends.

[pisces2473]

There you go. Acquaintances, maybe. But not friends.
I don't think it's clear to OP what constitutes friends vs. acquaintances...just with certain posts that have been made...

[weary]

I don't think it's clear to OP what constitutes friends vs. acquaintances...just with certain posts that have been made...

diff folks have diff definitions.

i do agree w/ yours and WIP's. but just sayin'...

[pisces2473]

diff folks have diff definitions.

i do agree w/ yours and WIP's. but just sayin'...
Yeah...........

I'm not going to touch that one at all, know what I'm sayin' ;) hehehe

[Ciderhillnh]

The girl she usually goes out with lives one street over and is friends with the same people….they can easily just walk to her house and go there……which would be in my talk with her after it happens again….you and your friends are NOT welcome here after you go out drinking if its past 10pm….if it is past 10pm and you have been out drinking…go up the street to her house and hang out there, she lives alone and you wont have to risk waking me up when you plan on being drunk and up very late and very loud.

I trust my friends, but I also know when you're friends with someone sometimes you just agree with them because they are your friends. PLUS since my friends basically live the way I do they arent a good cross section of the general public like this board is.

And my having to get out of bed, open my bedroom door YELL for them to be quiet and slamming my door isnt her losing face…….

I find friends to be the people that you are close with that know your innermost thoughts, and spend lots of time with you-----I am very clear on what defines a friend vs. aquantance.

[pisces2473]

The girl she usually goes out with lives one street over and is friends with the same people….they can easily just walk to her house and go there……which would be in my talk with her after it happens again….you and your friends are NOT welcome here after you go out drinking if its past 10pm….if it is past 10pm and you have been out drinking…go up the street to her house and hang out there, she lives alone and you wont have to risk waking me up when you plan on being drunk and up very late and very loud.

This might not work. They might just blow you off. That's why we're all saying to talk to her ALONE when she's sober.

I trust my friends, but I also know when you're friends with someone sometimes you just agree with them because they are your friends. PLUS since my friends basically live the way I do they arent a good cross section of the general public like this board is.
A good cross section might lead to many different answers b/c we all have had diff. situations and experiences. If your friends live like you, they'd probably have the best advice.

And my having to get out of bed, open my bedroom door YELL for them to be quiet and slamming my door isnt her losing face…….
And it might not be the most effective way in solving that problem.

I find friends to be the people that you are close with that know your innermost thoughts, and spend lots of time with you-----I am very clear on what defines a friend vs. aquantance.
Good--then why aren't you going with what they are saying?

[Ciderhillnh]

When its 230am and I have to work and been roused from bed....walking out and quietly asking her into the hallway and saying calmly and quietly 'you and your friends are being quite loud, would you mind keeping it down a bit' would not be effective.
Ive been in this situation before in college, and other living situations....that approach gets NO results.
As soon as I opened my door yelled out and slammed it...they were quiet and left maybe 5 minutes later.

If they blow me off, Id go back out and tell them to leave and walk them to the door, if they still wouldnt leave....Id then tell them they are not welcome and if they dont leave that Ill have to take it to the next level (which in my mind would be calling the cops about disturbance and their not leaving)

Ive actually had to do that before but it was in college with an absolutely belligerant guy friend of my roommates......they actually encouraged me since he would not leave.

[pisces2473]

No no no...you do the quiet/calm thing when you're alone. Like I've said the whole time in this thread.

[g8ergal83]

kick her out, even if she's on the lease. you can find a sublease. i had a roommate like that in college (in one of those apartment-like-dorms though, so we couldnt kick her out) and i hated her so much. (Yes, Amber, this is you.) She had no consideration for the rest (3) of us, she was a freshman, in a soriority, only like, 18, and would come home drunk as a ... well, really fucking drunk for someone who isnt even legal to drink, talk on that damn nextel phone with the beeper up as loud as can go, scream at it at all hours of the night, and then wake up at like 5am and continue on like she never went to sleep. she and her friends would eat everyone else's food (everyone had their own sepearate food, but we all used the same dishes) and never cleaned the dishes she used. she was always cold when the rest of us were hot, always hot when the rest of us were cold (on purpose, i know that now), and she and i shared one of 2 showers and her bf (of that particular second) used my wash puff whenever he felt like it and when i found that out, i was horrified. thats as bad as using someone else's toothbrush! we all hated her. we never included her in on "roommate night" i vowed to myself at the end of that year (my sr. year, thank god) that i would never have another roommate, as long as i live, except a bf, husband, or my sister. so far its just my bf and we've been living together since last march. (he would spend the night sometimes with me in school and he hated her too, and not just because of what i told him, it was because of what he witnessed when he was there.) amber, if you're reading this, i hope you've become a little more considerate, and if you're anything like you were when you lived with us in lakeside, you need to grow up. seriously. its time.

[Ciderhillnh]

Wow sorry to hear about your roommate horrors. I dont think my currently roommate needs to be booted for what went on....we talked, and its since ceased.

BUT she informed me last night she is moving out. She found a cheaper place, will save tons of money and hasnt felt like she could spread out the way she has needed in the condo. So thats it.....back to roommate hunting....which Im really not looking forward to.

Plus my Dad was planning on putting the place on the market in May.....so this might push him to do it sooner.....so I might need to look for something entirely new.

:torn:

[g8ergal83]

maybe you can find a nice 1 bedroom just for you, or a cute little fixer-upper house with your name on it :) that's what we're looking for

good luck! :)

[weary]

...she informed me last night she is moving out. She found a cheaper place, will save tons of money and hasnt felt like she could spread out the way she has needed in the condo. So thats it.....back to roommate hunting....which Im really not looking forward to.

Plus my Dad was planning on putting the place on the market in May.....so this might push him to do it sooner.....so I might need to look for something entirely new.

:torn:

i think this is actually good and may be just what you need. a place of your own w/o the issues of roommate crap or owning w/ someone else, esp a parent. i hope you can find a living situation that's much better for you this time around! good luck.

[Ciderhillnh]

Ive posted plenty on the complications that surround moving etc.

Its not like an apartment where I can just give notice and move out…..I OWN the place (yes with my family) but think of it if you owned a home, you cant just move out into another place until your current home has sold…..that is my position currently.

I bought a newly constructed condo specifically so I wouldn’t have to fix things up, if I have to move, a fixer-upper is not something I would be interested in looking at.

Or a 1-bedroom. As I have posted, I want to live with someone, I enjoy the company (when its working out well) I cant afford a place on my own (utilities and rent) so a roommate is necessary.

As before when I was looking, I can always move to my BFs until his lease is up in June….or talk to him again about looking (though I don’t think he will want to move before his current lease is up-------but its an option.

[pisces2473]

Yeah, but you just said your dad wanted to put the place on the market in May. So you'll have to move anyway, unless you bought your parents' shares.

[Ciderhillnh]

Right, but just because it goes on the market in May doesnt mean that it will sell that month. Currently condos here in MA are on the market for roughly 90 days.......which would then conflict with my moving in with my BF or looking with him since he would then go into another year long lease.

[pisces2473]

You really couldn't swing a 1 BR on your own? I know plenty of people who can do that.

[CTGirl]

I know you have issues with your parents, but this timing issue is really something you should be able to work out with them.

I also agree that the 1-bedroom idea sounds like a good one, and if I can afford one, I'm sure you can too.

[weary]

Right, but just because it goes on the market in May doesnt mean that it will sell that month. Currently condos here in MA are on the market for roughly 90 days.......which would then conflict with my moving in with my BF or looking with him since he would then go into another year long lease.
so see if your pops will put it on the market sooner. you said he might want to do that anyway now that your roomie is moving out. maybe the sign could go on the lawn in feb or march?

[Ciderhillnh]

1 bedrooms in the area run about $700. Plus utilities puts it closer to $1000 per month......and with my salary no its not really possible unless I want to pay out more than I take in each month.

Even if I could swing it, I dont WANT to live alone.

Timing is not something that will be worked out with them. They look at this as though I own the home......if I were selling this on my own I would not be able to afford to move until the place had sold....they will not budge, they are steadfast on issues and any possible budging they will not do.

The current Real Estate market is in the tank. If we were to put it for sale in Feb or March, it will be on the market long anyway due to it being winter, and also the large slump in real estate in Massachusetts currently (I work in Real estate)
Plus if we put it up earlier, we are more likely to lose more money than if we put it up for spring market.

May is the spring market and more people are looking at that point, and we all hope (not only for the potential sale of the condo but also for my job) that the slump will start to end.

There is an abundance of condos in the area, so they just arent moving, and they have to keep dropping their sale prices. As it is we are looking to lose between $50K and $75K on the sale of the condo in a good market due to the price drops from their being more homes on the market then buyers....its a buyers market, supply and demand........

Recently there was a story of a man using my company to sell his home, it wasnt moving so he tossed in his BMW and any rennovations the new owners wanted to make to the home just so it would sell....its STILL on the market 40 days later.

[CTGirl]

Ugh, if I were you, I'd sell my share back to my parents and get the hell outa there. That whole situation is just more nonsense than I'd want to deal with.

[cheshrcarol]

Cider, why is your dad putting the condo on the market? Did your parents even ask you first?

[weary]

well what advice, if any, are you looking for here?

you say maybe your dad will put it up earlier, then you say you your folks won't budge. you say you may want/need to move, but then that none of the options you yourself listed nor the ones others have suggested will work. i don't get it. what would be your ideal in this situation? what exactly do you want to do here? maybe that's the best place to start, and then work on scenarios until a match or good compromise is reached.

ETA: i still think severing the RE ties w/ your folks is good move. from what you've posted about your relationship with them....it doesn't seem like a good idea to be tied to them in such a significant financial way if you don't need to be.

[Ciderhillnh]

The deal is when the condo sells, I get what I put in….so all the 'rent' Ive been paying comes right back to me.
This is a business deal that was created upon the purchase of the condo.

The condo will be going on the market because it has become more of a burden than anything after we bought it. It was a sound financial decision when we bought, but through roommate issues etc, it has just become time to move on.
When my last roommate moved out, my Dad said he would most likely be putting the place up in May, he had talked about putting it up for the fall market but real estate tanked so badly, he decided to wait……we shall see how the spring market looks.

There was no asking…..I cant buy out 2/3 of the place or afford it on my own, and since they own 2/3, they have more power than I do. I already consulted with an attorney about my options, and basically they have more clout than I do and can overpower me and force me to sign on the dotted line….rather than go through that whole major hassle, its easier for everyone if I just go along. Plus it gets me out from the situation as well.

Weary….I wasn’t looking for any advice. A new post was put on my thread and I responded with my thoughts and current situation.

I say that my Dad will probably put it up in May, if I tell them to do it sooner, or give reasons for waiting, they fall on deaf ears…..therefore there is no budging with them, what they decide GOES. The end, no talking, no movement.

I will HAVE to move if my home is sold. That’s how it works.
I CANNOT afford a 1-bedroom, so I will HAVE to live with a roommate or my BF……those options are fine, I never said they werent.

Ideally I would keep my home and find another roommate and my Dad wouldn’t sell……that’s probably not going to happen.
Next best? Large apartment, cheaper rent, with roommate or my BF.

Financially Im not tied to my parents…..we went in together on a business deal. I am not dependent on them for anything concerning this. We all knew the risks involved and the costs. Sometimes business decisions turn out to not be the best, and you get out (much like buying and selling stocks) at this point, its probably best to sell and move onto another venture.

[pisces2473]

Can't you use the money that you'll get back towards something?

I know for a fact you make more than I do...and I don't get why you can't afford something...or why you have to live with someone.

I do think it's good that you're finally severing ties with your parents. This arrangement still didn't seem very healthy.

[weary]

Can't you use the money that you'll get back towards something?
I do think it's good that you're finally severing ties with your parents. This arrangement still didn't seem very healthy.

my thoughts exactly.

and, having ties does not = 'dependent upon' as you put in your prev post, but they're still ties. complications you obviously don't need or your ideal would be easier to achieve.

[Ciderhillnh]

Its pretty hard to put it all together on a message board so that you can all understand the situation clearly. The financial situation with my parents isnt unhealthy, its a business deal and thats that. Some people have a hard time seperating emotions, family members and business, we as a family do not. Business is business it has no emotion.

We went into this as a business deal that made sound financial sense when we walked into it in June of 2004. All the details were worked out....variables have made it complicated....my first roommate being immature and moving out because she couldnt handle being asked to do things, my second roommate needing to move out to take care of her grandmother, and now this roommate moving to something cheaper.
At this point, it makes sense to get out----much like stocks as I mentioned earlier.....yes its a complication, but so is any living situation when it changes.

Im going to invest the money I get back so it will grow into a downpayment on a place in about 2 years.

Single bedroom apartments are about $700 in the area I live in (thats probably lowballing it), add in utilities which can run close to $400 thats now $1100 per month. We havent included car insurance, renters insuracnce, food, cell phone, car gas....which is close to another $400 a month (thats probably lowballing) so now we are talking $1500 per month. I dont make much more than that with my take home....so how thats affordable I dont know.

And I never said I HAD to live with someone, I said I WANTED to, its a desireable as it cuts down on costs and I dont like living alone....I did it as a Freshman in college, and again for 10 months in my current place.

http://www.boston.com/business/ticker/2006/11/mass_home_sales_1.html

This was posted in todays Boston Globe about home prices and sales dropping. Look at the line about condos and how their sales have dropped, and the median price is $275K. We bought mine for just under $500K, thats a huge price drop!!

[shimma]

OMG Cider... just saw this.

Kick her ass out, and keep her security deposit for the damage to your floors and walls! Why are you putting up with being disrespected in your own house?

Next time around, make it clear (put clauses in the lease even) what kinds of behavior won't be tolerated. Someone our age is way too old to get so drunk they can't control themselves.

Wash your hands of this loser. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

ETA: Please check your PMs. I made nice, I promise.

[Ciderhillnh]

Well as another update....the situation has become more difficult.....

My roommate gave me her notice last week, she will be out by January 1. She had promised that she would be moving in long term (think until school got out in May) but she found a place cheaper with friends that includes heat.

While I do understand she has to do what she has to do....this has now put me in a MAJOR predicament.......
I have to find a roommate by Jan 1, or be responsible for the entire rent and $600 worth of utility bills.
As I spoke with my father this weekend, I told him, that I will have to give him my 30 days notice to move out because I cant afford those bills. He got upset and said you must be looking for help from me.....I said no I didnt ask nor do I anticipate or want help from you. Im just giving you a heads up that I cant afford all that on my own and that means you will be getting NO money for anything until you sell the place.

He said he would think about it and see if we could come to an arrangement.

So now Im in a very tough spot. I dont have the money for a first, last and security, plus the storage unit Ill have to rent for all my stuff PLUS the cost of movers.

I dont have any friends looking to move or wanting to move....so that means Id have to move into an apartment thats already set up and live with a stranger/s, find someone to look with that I dont know.......or put all my stuff in storage, crash with my BF and then get a place with him come June 1 when his lease is up.

Id have to give my father notice by this Friday Dec 1.....which leaves a month to get all this together......which isnt much time for finding a place or people to live with etc.

While crashing at my BFs is initially appealing......his roommates are not very appealing, and I honestly think Ill end up holing up in his room to not have to deal with the cig smoke, the dirty dishes and the nasty fridge (Ill probably get my BF to buy a bar fridge to keep upstairs for me so my food doesnt get consumed)
They dont really clean, and its fine to visit on the weekends, I just dont know that I could handle that long term.....

So my honest thought is to get a storage unit, temporarily move in with my BF and keep looking for somewhere to move......so I at least am not at my parents mercy and am out in the 30 days.......IF IT COMES DOWN TO THIS.

I sent my Dad all the utility information for the past 2 years so he can see the price trends and when they rise and fall.......we talk Wednesday to get a game plan since he wouldnt tell me a concrete answer on Sunday.

Im so stressed to the limit with all this.

[shimma]

Aww... (((CIDER)))

I'm so sorry this is all going down. You must be really stressed out. Instead of moving in with your BF, is there any way he might move in with you? No offense, but if you're not happy at home (home = BF's house) it's hard to be happy anywhere. Alternately, is there a reason you can't find a new roommate to move in w/you in the next month?

[Ciderhillnh]

Stressed out definitely.

He has a lease that is until June 1, he has already said he will NOT move from his apartment until his lease is up.
Im not home much anyway, which wouldnt change if I moved into my BFs place...Id be at my friends and out and about....mostly just a place to keep my stuff and sleep.

Ive had nothing but hardship trying to find roommates the entire time Ive had my condo.......3 months the first round, 10 months after her then another 4 (while I new my current roommate was going to move out I started looking) to find the one who is now moving out......
Its for a Jan 1 start......most people dont want to move during the holidays or during the winter......

Im currently posting on CL and on Roommates.com the problem is I have to give notice by Friday......if I dont give notice Im stuck with all the rent and utilities for January.....which Im trying to avoid.
So Im trying to figure out if my time is better spent packing, and moving my things into storage or another apartment or taking chances by looking for a roommate....if I give my notice then land a roommate, it wont matter, Ive already given my notice...no turning back.

Its just very complicated.

[shimma]

Im currently posting on CL and on Roommates.com the problem is I have to give notice by Friday......if I dont give notice Im stuck with all the rent and utilities for January.....

Well I'd guess that $600 is less than the cost (and pain in the ass) of storage, moving vans, new security deposit, all the money that goes into sprucing up a nwe place, etc. You should advertise at Tufts Med, Harvard Med, or Mass Med, those people have no lives - great roommates.

This is totally obnoxious of me, but I thought your parents were pretty well-to-do? Is there a reason they won't help you out (loan you $$ or give you a break)?

How come it takes so long for you to find roommates? Almost a year seems excessive.

[Ciderhillnh]

$600 isnt even close to the cost to move.

Storage unit for the size I need is $250 per month, plus $50 processing fee and $23 key deposit.

First, last and Security is close to $1400 Thats just for my half if I go into a place.

My parents are well to do. They wont help out because they feel I am an adult and handouts are never given. I have never had my parents just hand me say $20 just because.....even when I was a teenager....it was find your own way...work a job, work for us....but do something to earn that money because we arent going to give it to you.
Just like when I moved out------they said dont ever come here looking for help with bills, rent, or utilities, If you do not budget correctly that is no ones fault but your own, you figure your own way out of it.
Thats why I took 1.5 years to save enough so that I wouldnt get into any trouble.

When my Dad knew that my car loan was going to be over with my last payment, he jacked my 'rent' up by $400.....more than the total of my car payment each month because as he said 'you now have that money free and your rent is going up' he gave me 30 days notice as written out in the rental agreement I have with him.

I posted every day on CL and had NO responses, I would Email people daily about living in my condo they wouldnt be interested or it was too much money.
In the 10 months I was looking I met 3 people.....2 sucked, the 3rd moved in and became my best friend.

Here is the ad I post Im open to suggestions on how to edit it to make it more appealing to get responses----I also have 4 pics I post...one of the kitchen, living room area, the bedroom for rent and their large bathroom:

Hello!
I have a room in my apartment that needs a great roommate! The condo was built in 2004 so everything is brand new!

The bedroom is 12x12 has lots of sunlight, a large closet and best of all its OWN full bathroom! Phone and cable hook up in the room as well.

The apartment is 2400 sq.ft and has:
a washer and dryer outside the bedrooms
lots of storage space
2 car garage
Spare bathroom off the living room
Kitchen with new appliances (including a dishwasher!), granite countertops (tons of prep space!), and lots of cabinet space
Hardwood floors
Alarm system (can never be too safe!)
Central Air/Heat
Central vacuum
Fireplace
Deck off the kitchen
Take a look at the pics, they give you an idea, but really, the place is much bigger than they show. I have new ones as the place has been painted etc, I can show those to serious inquiries.

The condo is walking distance to the commuter rail and bus lines (we’re talking about 5 minutes to the commuter rail and 30 seconds to the bus line) Its also about a 5 minute ride to 95 North and South, & Mass Pike. 2 minutes to Rt. 60.

I am 26, work a full time corporate job. Keep it quiet during the week and like to go out on weekends. I am looking to live with another female between 23 and 30 who also works full time, someone who is clean, pays the bills on time and is respectful.

Utilities are as follows:
Electric, Gas, Cable/Internet, Land line, alarm
In the summer they run about $100, winter about $230.
Hot water and trash are taken care of.

The condo is non smoking and does not allow pets (sorry!)

As for a move in date, Im flexible but am looking for something soon (January 1/January 15 or around there)

If this sounds like something you would be interested in please contact me and we can speak further!

[shimma]

Your dad sucks. The $400 is bullshit, and screwing you financially. How'd he know you car note was paid off?

Here's what's wrong with your ad:

-Say that you/your place are nonsmoking and drug free (if you are)
-Mention something about being friendly, social, etc.
-Mention the rent
-Adjust the age limit up to 40, since you like quiet people.
-Say that a fulltime grad student is OK as well as a fulltime working pro.
-Mention parking
-Is the place furnished?

[Ciderhillnh]

He knew because he went with me to buy the car.....and knew the duration of the loan and that it was to be paid off Jan 2006. We bought the car Jan 2003 with a 3 year loan.

I say the condo is non smoking.
The rent is mentioned as the heading on the CL posting. ($850)
I wont live with someone much out of their 20s......30-32 really. I like people who dont wake me up when they get home.....not someone who watches Murder She Wrote and falls asleep at 930. ;)
Fulltime grad student isnt okay....my Dad wont rent to them.
Parking is mentioned that there is a 2 car garage
The bedroom is not furnished the condo is and it shows in the pictures

Do I really need to mention these things in other form?
If so Ill change it I just thought the laundry list covered everything.

[Ciderhillnh]

http://widget.slide.com/redirect/syO2Hfsw3xJv6e-bTn2anjA1OjVhzMiGH2X2ZSf2c4jAZT5i59ZukXk3owbTZRAhK CO5FXcnGkSYJq6DeABg9NQigqxin647B3ByBFdUYFV6Bws1WW_ 3YkWo9DFIefFdYRMqsviHso0yAEDEx5SrjV7IQusKjZW37iiso 1fl5UOsGCmazWV7yUUlA0fpIXULwf8pbiuKsx7baRUaQC20OH9 Pnl12X0l74ihUwypc08Ro8fWJO-7ly-zglj1i69ZrycQ3ByGxyuMhe9V3DP7N8HCSrJCfvhM6LOEhquF9 8cjdRVNk3Qs0aO3Lzywjmxl6-Mpu7Ng2vwJdpJjCSUql5AlEiN0pitATQ6_nPcAFbOvPf-0kqA4F0g.jpg (http://www.slide.com/item_finder?referrer=hlnk&pciid=MCjjjDPxf-x6gmrypCXBcW4T0MAp7rRTvwlonrlS2esJPdaETw_Hew&dir=0)

[Ciderhillnh]

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[Ciderhillnh]

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[Ciderhillnh]

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[mishl982]

I think the ad sounds fine and the pics look good. Maybe if you broaden your wants in a roommate a little more, you could get more people who are interested, then screen them after you've met them. Like maybe a 35 year old is interested and when you actually meet her (or him) you find she's really laid back and young at heart - something you wouldn't normally find if you screened her out originally.

[pisces2473]

I agree w/ Michelle. What about a LOADED grad student???

[Ciderhillnh]

Doesnt matter......my Dad is the one who agrees to rent to someone or not and grad students are NOT acceptable to him, so not my choice.

[WorkInProgress]

Doesnt matter......my Dad is the one who agrees to rent to someone or not and grad students are NOT acceptable to him, so not my choice.

If dad's the decison maker behind who lives there and who doesn't, why do you have to make up the difference between your half/portion of the rent/utilities when he's not renting it out to someone else? And, why are you advertising? Why isn't he looking?

And I agree with Shimma that your dad is financially screwing you over with the rent hike due to lack of car payment. Regular landlords can't do that, why should he?

And I totally get the "you gotta work for a dollar" thing...but screwing over your kid is a bit much. That is not helpful.

[red]

Maybe if you broaden your wants in a roommate a little more, you could get more people who are interested, then screen them after you've met them. Like maybe a 35 year old is interested and when you actually meet her (or him) you find she's really laid back and young at heart - something you wouldn't normally find if you screened her out originally.

yeah. i totally agree. just bcs someone is 30+ doesn't mean they are a granny.

[Ciderhillnh]

Because......he is the landlord.....if I was renting from Guy X and a roommate moved out I would be responsible for the rent and utilities, its not the landlords responsibility.

Same applies to this situation......its not up to him to make the difference. And because he is the landlord he can choose who to rent to, and if he says no grad students, like any other landlord, he has the power and perogative to make that choice.

Also, if a tenant moves out, it is up to the renter to replace or find another roommate, not the landlord.....if the place is vacant then yes it would be up to the landlord to find tenants.

My Dad did it only because he had the knowledge.

[WorkInProgress]

So your soon to be ex roommate and you share a lease? Or do you have separate leases?

EDIT: The reason I ask is because if you have separate leases, it would seem to me that you're renting your bedroom, and using the common areas, not renting the entire condo. You're not tied to her being in that space, right? Hypothetically, one of you could be evicted without the other also being forced to leave, right?

I still think it's a shitty and actually very unhelpful thing to do to a)any renter or b)your own kid, unless it was previously agreed upon, which isn't the case here, I'm guessing.

[pisces2473]

Annnnnnd again, we see that this was a bad idea for Cider....


Like, we've only been telling her this for months now...

[cheshrcarol]

You dad doesn't make any sense. First of all he sounds like an asshole for charging you an additional $400 rent. Who changes the rent amount in the middle of a lease? And why would you sign a lease like that? I'd have given him noticed and moved out. Also, if you find a grad student who looks like a reliable roommate, it would be much better for everyone financially than you moving out and him having to find people to rent the entire place in a tanking market. He probably wouldn't even be able to charge enough to cover the mortgage.

Also, how the hell do you have $600 worth of utility bills a month? It's not even that cold yet. Up until August I lived in a place just like yours for a couple years and my monthly utilities ran a maximum of $350 (in the dead of winter), which included heat/hot water, electric and cable/internet (the most expensive package). Even if you have to pay for pay and water, it can't be another $250/month.

[Ciderhillnh]

My roommate and myself EACH have our own seperate rental agreement.

In the standard rental agreement it is stated that rent can change with 30 days advanced notice, and living arrangements can be changed with 90 days notice (for instance if someone needs to be kicked out or if the home was going to be sold and tenants have to vacate)

My moving out does not mean that my Dad will be getting new tenants...he will be selling the place.
As I told him on Sunday.....he can either take my rent and figure something out with the utilities OR he will have NOTHING coming in and be responsible for the utilities on his own.

As far as the utilities they are as follows: Ill give you the data from January and February of last year

Gas 181.04
Electric 183.66
Phone 41.48
Alarm 22.00
Cable 114.90

This was $260.54 PER person

Gas 134.69
Electric 189.27
Phone 43.10
Alarm 22.00
Cable 114.90

This was $332.18 PER person

[pisces2473]

You must leave ALL of the lights on all of the time and keep the heat CRANKED to have gas/electric that high.

[WorkInProgress]

You must leave ALL of the lights on all of the time and keep the heat CRANKED to have gas/electric that high.

And have bad insulation and thin walls.

[Ciderhillnh]

My old roommate and I lived like CAVE people last year in the cold!!

We keep the thermostat at 60 during the day and up to 64 at night when we are home, back down to 60 when we go to sleep.

We had 2 lamps on, both which had those energy saving bulbs and draw about half the electricity.

She and I called the utilitiy company to make sure it wasnt estimated, it wasnt they came out twice to do actual reads and be sure we were being charged the correct amount.

Baffled us too, not much we could do about it. The condo is natural gas.....

The condo is MAJORLY insulated, its only 3 years old, weather stripping, and it maintains heat well.

[weary]

cable is not a necessity.

standard landline phone plans can be had for as little as $20.

just noting a couple things that could be adjusted.

[pisces2473]

cable is not a necessity.

standard landline phone plans can be had for as little as $20.

just noting a couple things that could be adjusted.
Yeah, esp. if you aren't home much anyway. If the roomie wanted it, have them pay for it.

I lived in an OLD OLD house for 4 years, with electric heat. The HIGHEST my bill ever went to was $250. That was over the winter when we had a horrible cold snap.

[Ciderhillnh]

Yes I know cable isnt a necesity...but my internet is for work....and the internet on its own is close to $100......with the cable package its then $120.

As for the landline I have called several times to have it lowered...the cheapest plan they have is the $42 one I have. ARg.

[pisces2473]

Yes I know cable isnt a necesity...but my internet is for work....and the internet on its own is close to $100......with the cable package its then $120.

As for the landline I have called several times to have it lowered...the cheapest plan they have is the $42 one I have. ARg.
What about DSL? My total phone bill w/ DSL is $75/month. That's with unlimited long distance at 10 cents/min.

[CTGirl]

I lived in an OLD OLD house for 4 years, with electric heat. The HIGHEST my bill ever went to was $250. That was over the winter when we had a horrible cold snap.

In my last apt, we had gas heat, and our heat bill got up to about $350 a couple months that winter - course ym roommie hated my guts by that point and used her passive-aggressiveness to be really irresponsible with the heat, so that may have played a role in that :rolleyes:

That price for electricity seems really high, as does the price for cable. I have never had an electric bill over $100, and my cable+internet is only $100 a month, but then that varies with where you live (do you have digital cable?)

[weary]

Yes I know cable isnt a necesity...but my internet is for work....and the internet on its own is close to $100......with the cable package its then $120.

As for the landline I have called several times to have it lowered...the cheapest plan they have is the $42 one I have. ARg.

if internet is for work, why aren't they paying for it?

you have to be brutal w/ the phone co to get it bare bones (if that's what you want/are willing to do). when i was in a situation where i needed to cut everything i possibly could out in order to survive, i got rid of my cell phone and cut my landline down to basically just having the line active in the house with NO extra options. no long distance, no local-long-distance (which oddly enough is a category), no nothing extra. the line was just there to receive calls, call 911 or anything local (as in, just a very small radius of the city and few surrounding ones). i had to really work down the phone people to get it that low though. i think the bill came to 19.79 or so.

[pisces2473]

Yeah, my cable is $13/month, LOL. But I don't really watch much TV so I got the cheap plan.

[Ciderhillnh]

DSL is not in my area.

I have the cheapest cable plan that the cable company offers and its $114 per month (actually $123 now)

As for the phone line, I have to have local long distance because of my alarm company.

I dont work from home.......but I need internet should I have a day where I am sick and need to conduct business from home......

[pisces2473]

DSL is not in my area.

I have the cheapest cable plan that the cable company offers and its $114 per month (actually $123 now)

As for the phone line, I have to have local long distance because of my alarm company.

I dont work from home.......but I need internet should I have a day where I am sick and need to conduct business from home......
Does your job description say that? Or is that the impression they gave you? I would seriously ask for reimbursement (even 1/2) for having internet at home for work purposes.

Do you REALLY need the alarm? Most thieves can get in and out before the cops show up. But, if that's a landlord required thing, that should be factored into the rent and not a tenant responsibility.

I don't get how the cheapest cable is over $100...but whatev.

[cheshrcarol]

I'm still amazed by the cost. Here's my stats from last winter's 2 most expensive months heat-wise:

12/19/2005 - billed date, service 10/15-11/15
Gas = $130.79, Therms = 77
Electric = $62.99, kWh = 422

03/20/2006 - billed date, service 1/15-2/15
Gas = $126.97, Therms = 94
Electric = $65.42, kWh = 363


Cable = $130 (approx)
~$50/roadrunner, ~80/cable
Phone = no landline, just cell phones
No alarm

Total Both January, March = ~$323
(~$161 each person)


So why is mine so much cheaper? Are our utilities cheaper here in NY? We were reasonable with the heat. 64-67 usually, and I insulted the windows with that plastic stuff you hair dry on. And I just looked up Comcast's prices in Boston and it seems to be pretty similar to what I pay. I've also considered getting rid of my roadrunner and getting internet service through Cingular (my cell service) which would only be an extra $20/month. And it would be portable, unlike roadrunner. I can't imagine why internet in your area is $100.

[Ciderhillnh]

Comcast starting packages are $99 for 3 services for the first 3 months then it jacks up to $130 for cable, internet and phone.

My Alarm company will NOT allow for cable phone...it has to be through Verizon etc.....because if the cable goes out so does the phone.

Its not IN my job description, but it is told to us every month at our meetings that should we be out sick or for other reasons, we should be checking our Email to respond to inquiries etc. Since Im part of a 2 person department, I am asked to check my Email and respond to people.

We are currently NOT doing T&E reports at my company due to major budget cuts, asking them to pay for my internet isnt going to happen. Especially when they wont pay cell phone bills for people who use it on the road all day long for company business.

The alarm was not my choice but my parents......yes a theif can be in and out quickly....thats not their concern, their concern is my being a girl living alone or with another female, that its just another added piece of protection.

As for cable.....there used to be a company called Cablevision that you could get cable for like $50 a month....they were bought out by RCN. Then RCN was the only game in town....now its RCN, Comcast and Verizon.......all are about $100 for cable.

Its about the bundle packages....if you only get one service its close to $100, when you get 2 services it cuts the price down to $50 per....3 services its then about $40 per.

My BF works at comcast, he gets free cable because he works there, but he even looked into cheaper bundles for me through is discount.....it wasnt much.

[pisces2473]

The alarm was not my choice but my parents......yes a theif can be in and out quickly....thats not their concern, their concern is my being a girl living alone or with another female, that its just another added piece of protection.
Yeah, like I said earlier...you and roomie shouldn't have to pay for it. It should be coming out of the rent, if your parents want the condo to have it so badly.

Also, they care about your safety/well-being...but then act like asses about the rent/not having a roomie?

[CTGirl]

Comcast starting packages are $99 for 3 services for the first 3 months then it jacks up to $130 for cable, internet and phone.

My BF works at comcast, he gets free cable because he works there, but he even looked into cheaper bundles for me through is discount.....it wasnt much.

If you are getting this deal from comcast, then why do you have a separate phone bill too?

And there are cheaper cable options with comcast here, if you dont want the full cable, and just the networks. I pay $100 to comcast for my cable and internet, but that is because I choose to pay the extra money for the full set of channels.

[Ciderhillnh]

It is not a landlord utility.....water and trash are.....the alarm is for my safety and therefor my expense. Its not bad when sharing it WITH a roommate, it is a hassle when its totally my responsibility.

I already sent a Detailed email to my Dad about how to cut costs and one of them was eliminating the alarm to thus eliminate the land line.....among other suggestions. I know he is going to bark at it and say no way in hell......but again I have told him if he doesnt work with me on this he will have NO money coming to him towards the mortgage.

Yes...they care about my safety.
My parents are big on my being independent and NEVER asking for their help, getting a hand out etc. So to them this is business and not something they need to help me with.

Because of that I am treating it the same.....if I was renting from a random landlord, they would get my 30 days notice.....same in this situation.

Also the fall out from this should be interesting......I certainly wont be letting them help me move, Ill tell them where I am staying and if its not ideal, oh well not their choice.
I also will NOT be going over there for dinners anymore......this ultimately is going to be the straw that breaks the camels back.

[Ciderhillnh]

I cannot have my phone THROUGH the cable company because if cable goes down so does the phone....my ALARM company cant have that happen so I have to keep the phone seperate.

SO I just have internet and cable as a bundle.

I dont use comcast I use RCN.

Maybe CT has different bundles, but I went over this whole thing with my BF.....I dont have options to make my cable bill that cheap. Not even with his discounts or through their specials.

[CTGirl]

I cannot have my phone THROUGH the cable company because if cable goes down so does the phone....my ALARM company cant have that happen so I have to keep the phone seperate.

SO I just have internet and cable as a bundle.

I dont use comcast I use RCN.

Maybe CT has different bundles, but I went over this whole thing with my BF.....I dont have options to make my cable bill that cheap. Not even with his discounts or through their specials.

Why on earth are you paying for the comcast phone then, if you cant use it?

We have that same deal here, where you get the 3 services for $100 for the first year, and then it goes up after that, but if you dont get the phone, it's only $100 forever.

[Ciderhillnh]

I DO NOT HAVE PHONE SERVICE THROUGH THE CABLE COMPANY I ONLY PAY FOR CABLE AND INTERNET!!!!!!!!!!

I was saying that Comcast has a deal that if you get all 3, its $33 for each...but thats only for the first 3 months, then it JUMPS to $130.......thats MORE expensive than what Im paying currently through RCN at $123 per month.

[CTGirl]

I DO NOT HAVE PHONE SERVICE THROUGH THE CABLE COMPANY I ONLY PAY FOR CABLE AND INTERNET!!!!!!!!!!

I was saying that Comcast has a deal that if you get all 3, its $33 for each...but thats only for the first 3 months, then it JUMPS to $130.......thats MORE expensive than what Im paying currently through RCN at $123 per month.

Easy there tiger, I misunderstood, there are a lot of posts in here.

[Ciderhillnh]

Sorry just after explaining like 5 times that I pay seperate for the phone and why......

[Ciderhillnh]

*************************UPDATE******************* ********

So I had the talk with my family last night, actually went better than I thought it would.
I will be responsible for all the house bills but NO rent until March/April. They want someone in the condo over the winter months. So I can save that for moving costs (movers, first/last/security, storage unit if necessary), and it leaves me open because some of my friends will be looking for places around then....so I probably wont have to live with strangers.

I dont know exactly what strings come along with this, but its better than the immediate need to find a place to move to.

Im really sad about moving out of my place, so Im not looking forward to that prospect, but trying to stay positive
I wont be tied to my parents in any way
I will be saving TONS of money
In the meantime I can pay off almost 90% of my debt which is another relief

Im still not really talking to my current roommate. I go home over lunch and she is typically there and I used to sit and talk with her, this week Ive been grabbing food and going to my room and shutting the door.

In the evening Ive pretty much been doing the same thing.
Last night when I got home she barely smiled and said hello. I feel bad that she is upset, but Im also angry about the position she put me in because of all this.

She Emailed my Dad to give her notice, he replied he was dissapointed. She wrote him back and said while the place is nice, and she likes me that I made it KNOWN that it was MY place….and that in the future if advertised it should be listed as room for rent with use of kitchen and living room (um isnt that what an apartment is?)
I have never said anything to her about use of the place, or asked her to move into another room. I keep all my personal stuff in my room specifically so that the common space is COMMON and not taken over by my personal items.
Maybe she is feeling that its MY condo because I told her to please not have her friends use my things and don’t come in in the WEE hours of the morning on a weeknight and WAKE me up…..I have no idea. It just fueled more anger that I was feeling.

On another note….I changed my condo ad from the suggestions people gave, I had a FLURRY of responses on Tuesday and yesterday. That was interesting. I learned how to post a better ad from that, not that Ill be posting about it again…but handy for the future.
Ill have the freedom to move somewhere in Boston and if I so desire move to another state in a year or less

[shimma]

She Emailed my Dad to give her notice, he replied he was dissapointed. She wrote him back and said while the place is nice, and she likes me that I made it KNOWN that it was MY place….and that in the future if advertised it should be listed as room for rent with use of kitchen and living room (um isnt that what an apartment is?)

That's immature and manipulative on her part. And IMO if you own the place, there is a different level of ownership you should feel than if the two of you are just renting.

But I'm glad things are working out for you.

[Ciderhillnh]

I agree.
There are just house rules like no shoes (that I make all my friends partake in) because of the hardwood floors.
I anticipate that she will do the same....also to eliminate dirt from getting on the area rugs.

If she was in the living room or kitchen I never asked her to leave or move or do something else...I would hang out there with her, and if I wanted to do something else ID leave the room.
If she had friends over and they were in the living room great, if I wanted to hang out I would if not I went to my room.

The only time I ever said anything was the time she woke me up at 230am with her friends when I had to be at work....I dont think thats my letting her KNOW its my condo, I think thats my letting her know she WOKE me up and I was pissed.

Also asking her friends to NOT use my kitchen items was a direct consequence of one of her male friends breaking a sentimental glass of mine. I never said SHE couldnt use my stuff, I just asked that her friends didnt.

I encouraged her to bring some decorating items into the common areas, she never did. I kept saying put up some photos to make the place more cheery, bring some candles or knick knacks into the living room...put your games with my games on the bookshelf...bring your books and intermingle them with mine on the bookshelf....how much more shared can I possibly make it?

Plus the whole time she has been there, Ive cleaned the ENTIRE house 3 or 4 times....she helped once by vacuuming.......so it seems like she lived there and I took care of everything......and she is complaining?

Im just venting but Im pissed. I think I overcompensate so people DONT feel like that when living there. My last roommate never did, we totally blended our space, she even said it felt like home and a very shared space.......I make sure that when I leave the kitchen or living room its in a condition where my roommate can just sit down and enjoy...no need to clean up my messes or see my personal stuff......so that they feel its THEIR room too.

SIgh.

[pisces2473]

Try not to worry about this chick too much. She's obviously pissed about something...and if you did everything you could to make her feel at home, and it wasn't good enough...then too bad for her.

You know what you did, and you have to remind yourself of that.

[WorkInProgress]

Try not to worry about this chick too much. She's obviously pissed about something...and if you did everything you could to make her feel at home, and it wasn't good enough...then too bad for her.

You know what you did, and you have to remind yourself of that.

I agree with this. Her behavior is immature.

However, I do think that having "house rules" that are not set by the landlord does pretty much come off like it's your space and you're laying down the law (rather than coming to an agreement together as roommates). I would have had the same impression from this particular action, though not from others you've mentioned, so I think it's ambiguous at best.

[mishl982]

Glad to hear things worked out. Don't worry too much about the roommate - she'll be gone soon anyways.

[pisces2473]

I agree with this. Her behavior is immature.

However, I do think that having "house rules" that are not set by the landlord does pretty much come off like it's your space and you're laying down the law (rather than coming to an agreement together as roommates). I would have had the same impression from this particular action, though not from others you've mentioned, so I think it's ambiguous at best.
I see what you're saying, WIP, BUT Cider was the original roomie in the place...so with that, it's kinda "her" turf.

Also, it is a weird situation...Cider owns 1/3 but doesn't really have much say (her dad does) but then she's a roomie in the place, too...it's complicated.

[Ciderhillnh]

The whole shoes thing also stems from then not having to clean up dirt all the time especially since I was the ONLY one doing it.

BUt all my friends dont have issues with it, all roommates that Ive met never had issue with it and totally understood about keeping the hardwoods pristine.

And it kinda is a landlord request...my Dad said when I moved in...hey no shoes on the floors like at home okay? It might not be in the lease.....but its there....Im just asked to enforce it because I live there....as owner occupied.

But really I dont think asking that shoes not be worn in the house is a HUGE deal.

[embrassezla]

I dont think asking that shoes not be worn in the house is a HUGE deal.
It's not, especially since, like you pointed out, it just eliminates the need to clean as often. She should have enforced that rule with her friends for her OWN sake.

[pisces2473]

The whole shoes thing also stems from then not having to clean up dirt all the time especially since I was the ONLY one doing it.

BUt all my friends dont have issues with it, all roommates that Ive met never had issue with it and totally understood about keeping the hardwoods pristine.

And it kinda is a landlord request...my Dad said when I moved in...hey no shoes on the floors like at home okay? It might not be in the lease.....but its there....Im just asked to enforce it because I live there....as owner occupied.

But really I dont think asking that shoes not be worn in the house is a HUGE deal.
Hmmm, maybe you should put an addendum in the lease for the next person about the shoes?

Do potential roomies know it's owner-occupied? I think that might have been why this current chick was uncomfy...b/c it is YOUR home. Not a rental for both.

[Ciderhillnh]

I did!
When I was home she would kinda huff and tell them....but then there were times when I wasnt home, and Id come home and she and her friends would be on the WHITE leather couch with their feet in SHOES on it....or their feet in SHOES would be on the rug....Ive found spots since she moved in....she has only been there 3 months.

I also know when she comes home for lunch she will stay in the kitchen/dining area and leave her shoes on like oh its just THIS area Ill keep them on.

Its not hard to take shoes on and off.....

At least I get to live alone for a few months......Im sure my friends will be coming and staying with me most of them so it will be fun......but at least I wont have these headaches.

I think she is also pissed that I cleaned the ENTIRE house Friday night because I had friends coming to stay----and she had some stuff just tossed about that I put in her room (mostly to declutter and also so nothing would happen to it)
I also cleaned up the kitchen...she had drippy syrup bottle on the counter (I put it in her food cabinet)
But on the counters she has a blender, and shot glasses and water bottles that I didnt touch and left where they were.....

I just dont get some people.

[WorkInProgress]

I see what you're saying, WIP, BUT Cider was the original roomie in the place...so with that, it's kinda "her" turf.

Also, it is a weird situation...Cider owns 1/3 but doesn't really have much say (her dad does) but then she's a roomie in the place, too...it's complicated.

Yeah, I get that, and as a 1/3 owner, she ought to have more of a say. But, the soon-to-be-ex-roommate does, then, have a point about it feeling like or being more of Cider's space, rather than an equal split. That's all I'm saying. I'm not condoning the exroomie's poor behavior, just pointing out that perhaps she might be a tiny bit justified, that's all. It is very complicated and we don't really know everything, but from everything I've read, the two just don't live well together, to splitting up is for the best.

[WorkInProgress]

I think that might have been why this current chick was uncomfy...b/c it is YOUR home. Not a rental for both.

Bingo.

[Ciderhillnh]

There will be no NEXT roommate.......Im out as of March/April an no one will be moving in during that time.

Yes all people I speak to are informed that I am part owner, BUT that I have a signed agreement that is the same exact one they have (I show it to them so they can see) and that means Im under the same rules and regulations as them....if I pay late I have a $25 surcharge that I have to pay, I get 30 days notice of rent increases and 90 days notice of any living changes. I can also be evicted (its all written and in my agreement that I signed)

And as I also explained to all people I met.....I have no special rights because its my Dad.

BUt yes I can see where the perception can come from.

[pisces2473]

There will be no NEXT roommate.......Im out as of March/April an no one will be moving in during that time.

Yes all people I speak to are informed that I am part owner, BUT that I have a signed agreement that is the same exact one they have (I show it to them so they can see) and that means Im under the same rules and regulations as them....if I pay late I have a $25 surcharge that I have to pay, I get 30 days notice of rent increases and 90 days notice of any living changes. I can also be evicted (its all written and in my agreement that I signed)

And as I also explained to all people I met.....I have no special rights because its my Dad.

BUt yes I can see where the perception can come from.
Oh duh, sorry Cider.

I was roomies with someone once, who was almost family with the landlord. It was uncomfy at times, so I can see how this girl feels.

[shimma]

Sorry, but I think that as long as the person knew going in that it was part-owner occupied, she can't complain.

My last (hopefully ever) roommate owned the place we lived in, and since I knew that going in, I knew that I had to more "toe the line". She didn't want my mace and tasers in the house so I kept them in my car; I hated that she never cleaned the kitchen but couldn't "tell" her to - it was her house. Ultimately, my disagreeing with a new "house rule" that she started to demand enforcement of - mandatory daily "hang out with Amy time" - is the reason I left. But again, she owns the place, she can make whatever rules. If the roommate thinks they're unfair, she can leave.

[Ciderhillnh]

I tried to be as honest and upfront when talking too.......that I really have 3 main rules.....
Clean up after yourself so there arent dishes left hanging out all the time (we have a dishwasher its not that hard to put them in a machine that CLEANS them for you)

Be courteous of noise levels on 'school' nights......Friday/Saturday/Sunday whatever.....but if i have to get up at 8am and you know it, please dont wake me up when you get home.....I will do the same (as it does work BOTH ways)

Take shoes off when coming into the house to save dirt from being tracked into the house and also to save the hardwood floors

Thats it, thats all I ask of anyone.......and its laid out in the FIRST conversation about living together.

I have never left a mess for her to clean up or look at, Ive never woken her up late at night (Ive even asked the following morning when I thought I might have been loud).........

[mishl982]

I tried to be as honest and upfront when talking too.......that I really have 3 main rules.....
Clean up after yourself so there arent dishes left hanging out all the time (we have a dishwasher its not that hard to put them in a machine that CLEANS them for you)

Be courteous of noise levels on 'school' nights......Friday/Saturday/Sunday whatever.....but if i have to get up at 8am and you know it, please dont wake me up when you get home.....I will do the same (as it does work BOTH ways)

Take shoes off when coming into the house to save dirt from being tracked into the house and also to save the hardwood floors

Thats it, thats all I ask of anyone.......and its laid out in the FIRST conversation about living together.

I have never left a mess for her to clean up or look at, Ive never woken her up late at night (Ive even asked the following morning when I thought I might have been loud).........
I think these don't even need to be rules, it's just a matter of everyone being courteous to each other and responsible for their messes.

[Ciderhillnh]

UPDATE: Had to post since I cant believe this sh*t

The Ex Roommate is pulling more crap with my Dad. I hope to God I dont run into her anytime soon.
She basically called my Dad on THursday to ask if he had mailed the security deposit back (under MA state law he doesnt have to send it for 30 days after the end of lease (so Jan 1 was the end so he has till Jan 30)
He says no and relays the law to her. She then starts to whine she only has $40 in her account, and her grad school stuff gets sent out on the 1st, and how she had to pay first last and security to move into her new place bla bla whine whine.

SHe then says, can I have the check today? My Dad says NO! Im at a clients. Then tells her how to get to LIttleton (about 55 minutes from where she lives) and that she can meet him tomorrow (Friday)

First off, her not having money is NOT my Dads problem. Second under the law he is covered. Im dissapointed that he gave it to her (why people like her get what they need is beyond me since I do good and dont ask favors and dont get stuff like that if I were to ask)
ANd Im angry she called him and put him in that situation!!!!

I just cant believe some people!!! She should have budgeted better. She was going to get her security deposit back......but to call and beg for it? Come on!

[Syracuse]

UPDATE: Had to post since I cant believe this sh*t

The Ex Roommate is pulling more crap with my Dad. I hope to God I dont run into her anytime soon.
She basically called my Dad on THursday to ask if he had mailed the security deposit back (under MA state law he doesnt have to send it for 30 days after the end of lease (so Jan 1 was the end so he has till Jan 30)
He says no and relays the law to her. She then starts to whine she only has $40 in her account, and her grad school stuff gets sent out on the 1st, and how she had to pay first last and security to move into her new place bla bla whine whine.

SHe then says, can I have the check today? My Dad says NO! Im at a clients. Then tells her how to get to LIttleton (about 55 minutes from where she lives) and that she can meet him tomorrow (Friday)

First off, her not having money is NOT my Dads problem. Second under the law he is covered. Im dissapointed that he gave it to her (why people like her get what they need is beyond me since I do good and dont ask favors and dont get stuff like that if I were to ask)
ANd Im angry she called him and put him in that situation!!!!

I just cant believe some people!!! She should have budgeted better. She was going to get her security deposit back......but to call and beg for it? Come on!Um how about you let your dad handle it, that's his business. I wouldn't want to live with either of you two.

[Ciderhillnh]

I did, I had nothing to do with it. He just told me about it last night and I couldnt believe the gall this girl has.

I feel bad that my Dad was put in that type of position!

[red]

right but he gave in. so that is how he is handling the situation and you should just let it go and move on.

[cache]

Let me get this straight.

The ex roomie is a student, who this time of year probably has to pay tuition, books, another security deposit, 2 months of rent, and who knows what else, and you are questioning why she needs money?

Isn't it kind of understandable that someone is in a tight financial spot and is looking for some cash? Just because the law says something, doesn't mean that that is how every person must operate.

[Ciderhillnh]

No Im not questioning why she needs money, but she made a choice to move and have to pay out that money, her lease wasnt up she had just started living in the condo with me.
The fact that she didnt budget well enough and is short on cash is her OWN fault. Yes she is a student, but she is getting a really good stipen, so much that she was able to afford $600 on skis just before moving, and $500 on ski gear, and $1200 to fix her car (which she didnt need anyway since it was at her parents house in MAINE)

Plus if she is looking for cash, she could easily pick up a job. She had enough time to sit around the condo when she lived there doing very little and being home most nights and weekends.

[CTGirl]

Plus if she is looking for cash, she could easily pick up a job. She had enough time to sit around the condo when she lived there doing very little and being home most nights and weekends.

Right, or she could ask her old landlord to give her the security deposit early, which turned out to be a good idea for her. No one said he had to oblige, he chose to, so it all worked out for her. I agree that she was a bit irresponsible about her finances, but she needed money so she asked to get some early, I dont see a problem there.

[pisces2473]

Why do you even care what she does or what your father does?