Torn between two parties

[stonemonkey]

Two of my close friends, who I guess only regard each other as acquaintances, have independently and inconveniently decided to throw house parties on the same night, at the same time. They live on opposite sides of town, so while it might be possible to go to both, it'd be a hassle, and in any case, the one I go to early probably won't have the same vibe as the one I go to later. The arrangements have all pretty much been made, so I don't think there's any changing the dates.

One of them is going to be a cheap and very informal student household party, and the girls who live in that house do the technical stuff in the performing arts. The other one is going to be at a nice flat in a posh suburb, the hosts of which I can tell are going to spend the entire day cooking for us, and experience tells me that it's going to be a somewhat more restrained and conservative affair.

Further complicating my (admittedly superficial and trivial) dilemma is the fact that this girl who I've been chatting to online but have never met has invited me to go paintballing early on the morning after these two parties. I think things have been going quite well with her, which I guess is no indication of how much chemistry there would be in real life. Whatever I'm doing, it seems to be working, I'm getting under her skin (like a malignant tumour). I'd still want to make a good first impression at this paintball thing, which means that I'd want a good night's sleep beforehand, so this is really going to make it hard for me to have a massive night out, if at all.

So my question is: Is there any criteria for determining how good a party's going to be? Should I try to make it to both? I don't want to choose between them. Should I go to neither and show up fresh the next morning for the girl? What's the etiquette for two-timing parties on opposite sides of town?

[stonemonkey]

Actually, now that I think about it, maybe the paintball's a stupid idea. It's not something I'm good at, I'll be away from my home turf, surrounded by people I don't know since it's going to be with her friends. And I guess most of her friends will be guys, so I'd have to keep my stupid insecurities in check so that I don't start getting jealous when she's being friendly with guys who she's known for years. And I can't imagine that the image I'm trying to convey to her is going to be conveyed when I'm getting my ass shot up with yellow paint. Not quite the mood and atmosphere for that.

Damn, I should have posted this in the dating forum.

[Ciderhillnh]

Id go to both, get to bed by 2am and go paintballing. Why pass up any of it?

Be happy that the parties you're invited to are in the same town and just on opposite sides from one another......thats a small dilema than if they were an hour away from one another, or even 30 minutes.

If you like this girl, go paintballing....see if you can go later if you really think you need more sleep or just figure out what time you need to get to bed to make sure you're lively for when heading out with her.

Have fun!

[shimma]

Aw, Stoney...

This guy I know (friend's twin brother) who gets sooooo many high-quality women despite being, frankly, not all that much to look at, once told me his secret: He approaches every girl with the 100% intention of being friends. They totally eat it up, women flock to him and he's never at a loss for female attention, dates, etc.

What I'm saying is, you might look a little stuck up if you refuse to go to paintball with her just because her friends are there..... most people don't want to date someone who's not going to gell with their friends.

As for the parties - I'd think if you don't drink a lot, you can put in an appearance at both.

[Chameleon]

How far away are the two parties and which one do you think will go longer? How early is paintball? I'd go to the posh one first (before all the food is gone :D ) and end the night at the lowkey one.

Could you invite the girl to go party hopping with you? Even if she declines, at least she'll know why you are dragging in the morning. Or you could offer to meet up with the crew for lunch and hear their tales. I haven't gone paintballing but my guess is it's a pretty primal bonding experience, not much room for flirting though. It's an opportunity to see if you are a good sport about losing though (which is not a bad thing).

[mishl982]

Does one party appeal to you more than the other? If you feel like you can't handle both, I'd just stick with one (personally I'd pick the informal party over the fancy one). Otherwise go to to informal one first, then the cheap party later.

As for paintballing, just don't stay out at the party too late, maybe leave by midnight so you get good sleep. Or you could always invite the girl to the party(ies) so that you get hang out time with her if you decide not to do paintball.

I think going to paintball would be good because you'll get to meet/know her friends. I mean if things are going well, you're going to have to meet them eventually, right? So why not do it now while you're doing something fun?

[stonemonkey]

Well apparently the paintball thing starts at 8.30, and it's the kind of thing I'd want to have a go at regardless of whether the girl's there or not. I guess I could get home by 2, it would be a compromise, but doable.

I actually told the girl that I might not be able to make it, and she's fine with it. She apparently has a similar situation going on, and her solution is to go to neither, which I think is crazy.

The paintball thing is sort of a small side issue, just the fact that I've never done it before, but it sounds fun and I'd have a go at it. I'll probably suck, but I don't care. Question is, how does that look to a girl? Is it really better go be a good sport and have fun losing, or only do things that I'm good at, just so as to make a good impression? I tend to think of it like dancing. Most guys can't dance. But you'll get the odd guy who gets up and has fun and looks silly, but he's up for a good time and that's OK. He's still going to be outdone by the much smoother guy who may be a little more stuck-up, but he moves like Justin Timberlake and actually does know what he's doing. Is it still better to be the guy who just has a go or to no make a fool of yourself unless you actually know what you're doing?

And this fear of not getting along with her friends is just something I've got to get over, I've had it for a while. She'll always have male friends who she's known since forever who she's close to, while I'm just stepping onto the scene and not have the same closeness. There's really no other way but to just ignore it, as much as my paranoid, insecure mind wants to think that they are more than just friends.

I know, it's a stupid dilemma really, barely worth posting about. I know both of my friends are going to say that they won't feel offended if I go to the alternate party, but I think they'll still feel slighted. I guess I can compromise put in an appearance at both. Go to the posh one first, eat all the nice food, and then go to the more relaxed one afterwards.

[wordsmith]

No girl is going to care if you suck at paintball. Seriously.

As for the party issue, hit both parties.

[stonemonkey]

Yeah, and even if she does, I still want to try it anyway. It's just that I keep wondering how much of what I do is a 'test of manhood' and how it comes across.

[tina1979]

personaly I would have more fun with a guy who loses well, than a guy who has to be the best at everything.

[stonemonkey]

Oh, I can suck at everything, that's not a problem at all.

[shimma]

Yeah, and even if she does, I still want to try it anyway. It's just that I keep wondering how much of what I do is a 'test of manhood' and how it comes across.

there is no 'test of manhood'. She'll care/notice about how much fun she has with you, not how good you are at paintball.

[tina1979]

Oh, I can suck at everything, that's not a problem at all.
all i know is that guys who get super competetive and pissy because they are losing is a total turn off for me. I like it when a guy realizes a game is a game. its just for fun. To me thier masculinity doesn't ride on if they win or lose, but if they win or lose gracefully.

[wordsmith]

Everybody I've known to be into paintball has hardly fit the stereotypical "manliest man" mode, anyway.

My IT guy used to rave ceaselessly about paintball with his buddies, and they were all tapered jeans, white sneaks, Star Trek-teed gamer/GenCon types.

[stonemonkey]

I know, I'm far from a 'manly man'. I'd probably prefer to be going with my own buddies than with hers, who I've never met, but that's the way it goes and I'll see what happens.

[shimma]

Stoney? How'd it go? :)

[stonemonkey]

Dude, it's still only Friday here! It's tomorrow night, I will keep you posted.

[stonemonkey]

I'm feeling pretty seedy this morning, after having a fairly big night last night. I did end up going to both parties, and they were both pretty good. Somehow, the only single girls there were already heavily flirting with some other dudes, so no news on that front. I had a good time with my friends though, even though were already in a pretty sorry state dragging our drunk asses from one side of town to the other. It was fun, well worth it.

As for paintball girl, she was supposed to get back to me with the details, but she never did. I guess she just joins the long list of girls who don't like me. Whatever. I wasn't into her enough to be cut up about it, and it mercifully allows me to get some sleep today.