Spin-off: Joint Accounts

[winneythepooh7]

OK people, let's discuss! What are your feelings on this subject? Do any of you have a joint account with your fiance/spouse/etc.?

[Ciderhillnh]

I have feelings on it......
I will not have a joint account with my spouse. We will have an account we both put money in to pay the bills and checks will be cut from that account.

We will each have our own personal bank accounts for paychecks, gift money and inheritance. Basically that money can be spent at will.....so long as the bills are covered by the other account for bill paying.

I stand to gain a substantial amount of cash, and I will have a prenup in place as well, but just because someone marries me doesnt make them entitled to the money. Im not taking any chances of getting screwed either.

[SmilesSoSweet]

My parents have joint accounts and their system works well. I won't have any joint accounts with an SO unless I'm married to him.

As for my parents, one account is for the basic bills and the other account is the disposable income account.

My mom does all the online banking that my dad can't figure out. My dad knows how to deposit via ATM and won't give my mom the PIN numbers to access them. LOL

[workaholic?]

right now, i don't have any joint accounts with my boyfriend. however, once we're married, we will combine our finances. we both really feel that if you have your own personal accounts you get into "what's mine" and "what's yours," which i don't think is how a marriage should be. we are in favor of having 2 accounts, though...one for the bills and one for vacations, special nights out, etc...fun things. and because of our work situation (we work together...he makes about $10k more than i do because he's been here two years longer than i have), because of our location and possible future location (cost of living is relatively cheap), and because we've both been pretty good about paying off our debt, we should be able to pay all the bills out of one of our salaries and have the other's salary to put away for a rainy day. if you look at it that way, it could start to look like we had separate accounts...but, both our names will be on both accounts and we'll have full access to use either one when we want or need to.

[EmberMae]

We have joint accounts. It takes a lot of trust, but I wouldn't have it any other way. We are a team, and by pooling our financial resources we can achieve our goals. When we moved in together, I wanted a joint account so we could pay joint bills with less hassle. At first I was very meticulous about keeping track of what was his money and what was my money, but after awhile I relaxed because we trusted each other not to make any major purchases without consulting the other person, and to stay within the basic budget guidelines we had discussed. I can't imagine marrying someone and not being able to trust them with my money.

My parents have a joint checking account, but they have a "dad's money is our money and mom's money is mom's money policy," which is dumb. Basically dad's paycheck goes in the joint checking acct and goes toward the bills, mom's goes in her money market acct and goes toward whatever she wants, except dad started making her cut him a check for $1000 each month and sometimes more if needed, which pisses her off. :rolleyes:

[AshleyJordan]

I've never been serious enough with a guy to even have that discussion, but: one of my closest friends lost a ton of money by setting up a joint account with her BF of a couple years, a guy she planned to marry. Little did she know he had an expensive drug habit, and she lost tens of thousands of dollars! However, in all fairness, I think she was premature-- he never proposed, she was just living with and hoping to marry this guy. It still taught me to be very weary of combining bank accounts.

[pisces2473]

We are going to the bank on Saturday to take care of this, actually. How timely, Winney!

We will have a joint account for rent (later, the mortgage), bills, household stuff, food, the pets...but for now, we will have separate "fun" money accounts--for our car ins, cell phones, clothing, other things we want to buy.

I think we're putting 1/2 of our checks into the "general" account, and the other 1/2 is for our choice. After we get married, we'll reevaluate this stuff. If we weren't engaged, I wouldn't be doing this. Also, I have a CD with a lot of money in it...and that's not his. That's mine, it's been mine since I was a kid. Just like anything C gets from his grandmother after she passes...that's his. If he wants to share, great. If not, whatever.

I don't think we'll be asses to each other about this. We're good about sharing things now...if I'm short, he'll pay and vice-versa. I don't see it being a huge deal, but the most important this is that we're talking about it now.

[winneythepooh7]

I have my money directly deposited in my checking account every 2 weeks on payday. I pay all of our bills/utilities from that, and it's a system that works well for me (he just gives me a wad of cash to cover his share). M wants us to at least open up a joint savings together.

I think for the time being, I want to keep things as is. He will often take cash out of his personal checking account, or pay for dinner from his debit and then just chuck the receipt and not keep track of it. It drives me absolutely nuts, which is why I want to keep things as-is for now. Outside of our rent, all of the other bills he really pays are taken out of his business account that is shared with his partner. Funny enough, they keep track of this account to a T. He usually pays for things in cash anyways, but the occasional not keeping track of things part---ugh, yes, it's crazy.......

[pisces2473]

No matter what you two decide, Winney...keep talking about it.

[WorkInProgress]

I won't have any joint accounts with an SO unless I'm married to him.
Ditto on that.

I like the idea of a his, hers and theirs system, at least at the beginning, and when both bring their own money, retirement accounts, etc.

[wordsmith]

My parents have had two joint accounts, personal and business.

I would maintain my own account (even if I also had a joint one with a spouse). It depends on your dynamic, but it's been an issue in my parents' household of having to ask permission to make expenditures where it's just not necessary, and I do want an account that's just mine, where I don't feel as if I need to clear anything with anybody.

[embrassezla]

I have a joint account with my SO, and we maintain separate personal accounts as well. We both put enough $ for the mortgage, utilities, & other house-related items into the joint account, but that's all it's for. We split the cost of other things (furniture, vacations, etc) as they come up. I don't plan to ever pool our finances.

[winneythepooh7]

No matter what you two decide, Winney...keep talking about it.

Oh we do. He wants me to combine our funds right now. I just am not comfortable with it at this stage in the game, unless he can guarantee I have the most authority over the account. I know I am going to get slammed for saying this, but I feel personally that there should be one person in the relationship who is "in charge" of the account, especially if one of the partners is not as on top of things. My mom does this with my dad, and I know other couples who operate this way as well (ie. my dad brings home his check, they deposit it in the bank, a certain amount is taken out for him to spend each week, and that's that).

Is this so horrible to feel this way?

[WorkInProgress]

I do want an account that's just mine, where I don't feel as if I need to clear anything with anybody.

That's exactly why I'd want a "spending" account that's just mine, even if it doesn't have a lot of money in it.

[weary]

Oh we do. He wants me to combine our funds right now. I just am not comfortable with it at this stage in the game, unless he can guarantee I have the most authority over the account. I know I am going to get slammed for saying this, but I feel personally that there should be one person in the relationship who is "in charge" of the account, especially if one of the partners is not as on top of things. My mom does this with my dad, and I know other couples who operate this way as well (ie. my dad brings home his check, they deposit it in the bank, a certain amount is taken out for him to spend each week, and that's that).

Is this so horrible to feel this way?

no, i absolutely agree. of course, my SO didn't when we were in the process you are now going through b/c he swore he was better w/ $ than me so...:rolleyes:

[WorkInProgress]

Oh we do. He wants me to combine our funds right now. I just am not comfortable with it at this stage in the game, unless he can guarantee I have the most authority over the account. I know I am going to get slammed for saying this, but I feel personally that there should be one person in the relationship who is "in charge" of the account, especially if one of the partners is not as on top of things. My mom does this with my dad, and I know other couples who operate this way as well (ie. my dad brings home his check, they deposit it in the bank, a certain amount is taken out for him to spend each week, and that's that).

Is this so horrible to feel this way?

Nope, it's not horrible at all, IMO. My mother is the CFO in the house. My dad has no concept of what there is where, when payments come in and go out, etc. Not because he's just generally clueless or unreliable with money, but because it made more sense to have my mom take care of that stuff after they got married, and especially after they had kids. But she doesn't hide anything from him, and they make all big financial decisions together.

[pisces2473]

Oh we do. He wants me to combine our funds right now. I just am not comfortable with it at this stage in the game, unless he can guarantee I have the most authority over the account. I know I am going to get slammed for saying this, but I feel personally that there should be one person in the relationship who is "in charge" of the account, especially if one of the partners is not as on top of things. My mom does this with my dad, and I know other couples who operate this way as well (ie. my dad brings home his check, they deposit it in the bank, a certain amount is taken out for him to spend each week, and that's that).

Is this so horrible to feel this way?
No, it's not. My mom STILL has to remind my dad (after 30 yrs of marriage) to bring his check home on Thurs. nights.

I think it's easier for one person to be the "treasurer," just because each spouse might have a different way of recording something, then you get screwed up, etc.

[red]

there should be one person in the relationship who is "in charge" of the account, especially if one of the partners is not as on top of things. My mom does this with my dad, and I know other couples who operate this way as well (ie. my dad brings home his check, they deposit it in the bank, a certain amount is taken out for him to spend each week, and that's that).

we are 100% joint and we basically operate this way. i manage all of the money, handle our investments, savings and bills. i'm just better at it. B is not on top of money stuff and he doesn't like to do it. instead he does the laundry, which i hate. works for me!

[SmilesSoSweet]

I think it's easier for one person to be the "treasurer," just because each spouse might have a different way of recording something, then you get screwed up, etc.

My mom's an accountant so she's the only one that can really balance their finances to a T.

The credit union we all us in our family, the kids (my brother, sister, and me) have our parents as joint accounts on our savings only. But they have to stay on our accounts in order to stay at that credit union (it's a military one). Fortunately we can only deposit money into each others' accounts; we can't withdraw from them!

[winneythepooh7]

*SIGH* I feel better now. I was afraid I was going to get my head handed to me for feeling that way about someone I am marrying!!

[SmilesSoSweet]

B is not on top of money stuff and he doesn't like to do it. instead he does the laundry, which i hate. works for me!

My dad does the laundry and grocery shopping in the family. My mom pays the bills and does all the cooking.

And it's about 65% my dad and 35% my mom when it comes to the dishes. :) They've been married for almost 33 years, so they have their system down.

[wordsmith]

My mom is the bookkeeper for the business, and she, due to many years as a stay at home mom, also always ran the business end of running a household and all the expenses incurred by that. So she's the financial person. My dad is not good about keeping records organized, so it's better that she just handle it.

[Josie]

We didn't get a joint account until we got married, there really wasn't a reason for it, and I've heard too many stories of breakups where whoever ran to the bank first won.

My husband does not have strong financial skills, period. I handle the financial stuff for the house, across the board.

We don't have any problems with a joint account, both of our paychecks go in there and I think the basic rule we go by is that if one of us wants to spend say $100 or over, we ask/tell the other. Our bank statements are discussed together, so we know where everything is going and neither of us make secret purchases.

I think my only reservation about things work are if something happened to me, just like I was sick really bad for a month or something, my husband would still have to come to me to ask where certain things are or what online passwords are.

[steph78]

My husband and I have joint accounts for everything - joint checking at our local bank and joint savings accounts online. I guess my 401k is in my name only, and I do have a mutual fund which contains money I inherited when my grandfather passed away that is in my name only, but I never touch that - it is earmarked for the downpayment when we purchase our first home.

Having joint accounts works great for us - we have really similar spending habits and we are in this marriage as a team. I guess I am kind of "in charge" of the money in that I am the one who handles transferring money between checking and savings, I pay all the bills each month, and keep the checkbook balanced, but he's not too out of the loop. I give him a rundown of our financial status at least once a month so he knows how we are doing on our savings goals and how much we have sitting in the checking account that is available to spend. We discuss any big purchases together before making them.

[MollyMe]

I wouldn't join account before getting married.

My bf and I are both good with handling money and have similar spending habits. I would have a joint account after. No seperate accounts. Too much work and some of the other reasons mentioned: I wouldn't want my spouse (or me) to make secret purchases or have a "mine is mine" attitude.

Any major expense should be cleared with the other. I don't remember what dollar figure we talked about but it just seemed respectful to tell each other if it seemed appropriate. Even if you do decide on a dollar figure, five $50 purchases is more than one $200 purchase. My main concerns are to 1) pay bills, 2) save for retirement, 3) meet other savings goals. After that, I don't really care what the rest is spent on: eating out, clothing, new TV, vacation.

[AshleyJordan]

I'm actually much better with money than most of the men I know. I've had to make budgets for my ex boyfriends who made way more money than me and were still always broke.
I'd prefer to hold off on joint accounts until it were absolutely necessary. . . i.e. a shared mortgage or a baby. At that point, I think I'd be the bookkeeper of the house!

[embrassezla]

I can't help but think that the majority of dual-income couples who pool finances end up arguing over finances regularly. Not saying that NO ONE can handle that, but money is a major argument starter & it seems like pooling would only cause trouble. Good to hear that it works out well for some people on this thread, but I know it would NEVER work for me.

[wordsmith]

I know not one single married couple personally who DOESN'T argue about finances to some degree.

[embrassezla]

I know not one single married couple personally who DOESN'T argue about finances to some degree.
I'm sayin'! Keeping things separate just seems like the more diplomatic thing to do, for the sake of the relationship. Besides, my SO does NOT need to know how much $ I spend on clothing/shoes per month, and I feel no obligation to stop doing so.

[winneythepooh7]

My SO knows how much I bring home, and most of that already goes to bills. I don't see the major purpose for having to combine our accounts. We always talk about major expenses. I have wanted to trade my car in for awhile and upgrade to a mini-SUV, however, we've both decided we want to wait until after the winter, especially since I don't drive the car I have now much. We figured this would be something we both could benefit from, because he drives his truck so much now for work as it is, we could share whatever I decide to trade my current in for. But I guess this is also kind of another thread......

[EmberMae]

I'm sayin'! Keeping things separate just seems like the more diplomatic thing to do, for the sake of the relationship. Besides, my SO does NOT need to know how much $ I spend on clothing/shoes per month, and I feel no obligation to stop doing so.
Honestly, we would fight a hell of a lot more if I didn't feel like i had a say in what my fiance was spending money on. Like it or not, your spending habits affect your spouse, regardless of whether or not your money goes to the same checking account or not. Also, I can't imagine the headache of trying to keep track of whose stuff is whose and fighting over who is contributing the most. My ex boyfriend and I used to take turns buying groceries, it was a nightmare because he would constantly accuse me of buying more expensive stuff during his turn, when in actuality I would purposely not buy stuff I needed because I didn't want to listen to his bullshit, which meant I usually ended up paying more.

[embrassezla]

Like it or not, your spending habits affect your spouse, regardless of whether or not your money goes to the same checking account or not.
I don't know about that. Unless one or both parties have irresponsible spending habits (or money is really REALLY tight, so that every single dollar counts), I don't see how they affect the other person.

Also, I can't imagine the headache of trying to keep track of whose stuff is whose and fighting over who is contributing the most.
But if you are in a situation where you can contribute equally, this is not a problem. Most major household items are paid for 50/50 by my SO and I, and if I buy, say, a nightstand for the guest room, who cares if it's mine or his? I don't need to "keep track".

My ex boyfriend and I used to take turns buying groceries, it was a nightmare because he would constantly accuse me of buying more expensive stuff during his turn, when in actuality I would purposely not buy stuff I needed because I didn't want to listen to his bullshit, which meant I usually ended up paying more.
We buy our groceries separately. Mostly we end up sharing food we use for dinner, but stuff we buy for breakfast/lunches during the week is respectfully not touched by the other person.

It's all about individual circumstance, so I'm not suggesting that everyone should/can do things My Way. But I don't argue with my SO about finances - EVER - and that's an accomplishment, as I see it.

[wordsmith]

I think it's when you're in a situation where you're not contributing equally, monetarily, that the issues are most likely to arise.

[MollyMe]

I have seen plenty of married people with seperate accounts fight over money. I think it just happens.

With the seperate accounts, if one person loses their job, does the other one pick up the slack or is he/she suppose to take money out of savings?

[workaholic?]

i guess it's just because of how i was raised, but i honestly can't even fathom not having joint accounts with my spouse. I don't even know what that would be like. Right now, my boyfriend and I don't live together, so all of our expenses are separate. We have argued slightly every now and then about who's paying for dinner and who's paying for groceries. He conveniently forgets sometimes that even when we eat at home, i've spent money on that food i cooked...often times more than we'd have spent going out to eat. but really, that's the only thing...and we've both talked about only having joint accounts when we get married and how we will not have an "allowance" but that we'll just clear major expenses with each other. Other than that, neither of us are major spenders. He knows I like clothes and shoes and i sometimes spend more on those than maybe i should, but he understands that it's sort of a hobby i have...i don't complain about his buying car parts to fix up his old mustang or his old truck and he doesn't say anything about my clothes. we make pretty close to the same salary and actually take home the same amount (he puts more in his 401k than i do).

i just don't ever want to feel like i have to ask permission before i get a cup of yogurt or a soda out of the fridge because it's "his."

[red]

actually, we don't fight about money. we have similar financial goals and it seems to work itself out. i do have to remind him sometimes that we have XYZ bills going out tomorrow so don't be hitting the ATM today, since i am the one who schedules the bills to be paid. but it works for us.

mostly we fight about my ILs. even more fun!

[embrassezla]

With the seperate accounts, if one person loses their job, does the other one pick up the slack or is he/she suppose to take money out of savings?
I don't think there's any "supposed to" rules going on, but in my situation, if I lost my job, I would be picking up my OWN slack with savings, not expecting my SO to start paying my share. If I used up all my savings & got into real trouble for some reason, then of course he would help. But no, I wouldn't rely on it.

Basically, the philosophy I stick to in my head is that we keep things separate as long as that is appropriate. Only when one person is really struggling financially will the other one help. In other words, I'm not going to eat ramen and wear tattered sweaters because the only money I have is going toward my mortgage. If it got THAT BAD, we'd work something out together. Once I got on my feet again, though, back to separate.

i just don't ever want to feel like i have to ask permission before i get a cup of yogurt or a soda out of the fridge because it's "his."
It's really not like that, though. There's common courtesy, the kind that should be followed with ANY type of roommate, and there's sharing. If you take the yogurt that your SO bought for his lunch, then yeah, you should have recognized that it's "his", same as if he were just your roommate. Otherwise, no biggie.

[Kitty]

D and I have a joint savings account where we put freelance money we earn together.

Other than that, no. But, when we get more serious about buying a house we plan to have a joint BUDGET - but not necessarily a joint bank account.

Anyway, it's very "what's yours is mine and mine is yours" right now. We used to be very 50/50 about things, but now it's based more on who can afford/pay for what and what makes the most sense.

I dunno..I'm just so happy right now with everything. I'm finally starting to feel like we are one.

[pisces2473]

D and I have a joint savings account where we put freelance money we earn together.
What do you do with that savings? Vacations?

Other than that, no. But, when we get more serious about buying a house we plan to have a joint BUDGET - but not necessarily a joint bank account.
So, how does that work? Would you give D your half of the mortgage, and then he'd deposit it that money, and then write out another check for the entire payment?

Anyway, it's very "what's yours is mine and mine is yours" right now. We used to be very 50/50 about things, but now it's based more on who can afford/pay for what and what makes the most sense.
After a while, it all evens out.

I dunno..I'm just so happy right now with everything. I'm finally starting to feel like we are one.
Yeah, I bet you are!!! ;): :D

[Kitty]

Jen -

We used most of it for our Mexico trip. I think there's still like 2k or something in there...no real plans for it as of now.

The budget would basically account for all spending (mortgage, food, utitilities, etc.) and then certain dollar amounts would be established for stuff like - fun money, entertainment, etc. Everything else would go into savings or to help pay off the house.

[pisces2473]

Jen -

We used most of it for our Mexico trip. I think there's still like 2k or something in there...no real plans for it as of now.

The budget would basically account for all spending (mortgage, food, utitilities, etc.) and then certain dollar amounts would be established for stuff like - fun money, entertainment, etc. Everything else would go into savings or to help pay off the house.
No no, I get what a budget is...but if you don't have a joint account to pay it from...HOW do you pay the actual bills?

[embrassezla]

So, how does that work? Would you give D your half of the mortgage, and then he'd deposit it that money, and then write out another check for the entire payment?

Jen, the way mine works is that we have a joint account where all house-related bills are paid from. A portion of each of our paychecks is automatically deposited into this account by our employers. Our mortgage is automatically deducted from this account. For utility bills, writing a check from this account suffices.

[arrow]

This is actually kind of a sore issue for me with my current relationship. I live with my BF of 2 years, and I have no intention of having a joint account with him unless we are married or have a similar committment (which we don't, or aren't planning for presently). We split everything 50/50, and he makes like 3 times the amount of money that I make. Dramatically more money. It doesn't bother me all the time, but I would prefer us to have an account where we both put in a certain % of our income. He doesn't think this is fair and that I would get the better deal... of course I'd pay less money, but he'd still have a lot more in the bank that I do even after all the bills, rent, etc. Right now he pays less than a day's pay in rent, while it takes me about a week (three days before taxes, four plus after taxes)
I know that he has plans for his money (he wants to be independently wealthy), it's his to use as he pleases, and I try to be as understanding as possible. But sometimes I can't help but get a little resentful. Especially during those times where I'm buying more groceries, cleaning products, whatever... :mad:

[pisces2473]

Jen, the way mine works is that we have a joint account where all house-related bills are paid from. A portion of each of our paychecks is automatically deposited into this account by our employers. Our mortgage is automatically deducted from this account. For utility bills, writing a check from this account suffices.
Yeah, that's what we're doing. Although right now, neither of us have direct deposit (our employers are small, don't offer it), so there's gonna be a lot of juggling between accounts. We're each putting in 1/2 of our paychecks, we make about the same, and that money is for household expenses, rent, utilities, etc.

[WorkInProgress]

Jen, the way mine works is that we have a joint account where all house-related bills are paid from. A portion of each of our paychecks is automatically deposited into this account by our employers. Our mortgage is automatically deducted from this account. For utility bills, writing a check from this account suffices.

Your employer will deposit into more than one account of your choosing?

[CTGirl]

Your employer will deposit into more than one account of your choosing?

Most larger employers will do this, it's fairly common.

I'm finding this thread to be very interesting, as someone who is not currently in a relationship. People have some very varying viewpoints on this issue.

When I was in a serious, long-term relationship (4 years) we did not have any sort of joint finances (we were in college, and I tend to think that should be saved till after marriage, or when things are more stable at least). We did split things really evenly though, and shared a lot of things, which ended up making the breakup much like a divorce :rolleyes:

My parents though, have everything in joint accounts, for the most part. To my knowledge, they have never had any financial disputes, and think of everything in terms of "us" and not themselves. This is of course risky, if you fear an end to your marriage, but divorce or any sort of serious trouble is just beyond comprehension to my parents, lol.

[embrassezla]

Your employer will deposit into more than one account of your choosing?
No, but that's the net effect. Here's how it works:

(1) My personal checking account - gets the whole paycheck

My bank then (immediately) takes $X from (1) and puts it into our joint checking account, takes $Y from (1) and puts it into my savings account.

EDIT: true, maybe they CAN do that, but that's not actually what's happening.

[WorkInProgress]

No, but that's the net effect. Here's how it works:

(1) My personal checking account - gets the whole paycheck

My bank then (immediately) takes $X from (1) and puts it into our joint checking account, takes $Y from (1) and puts it into my savings account.

EDIT: true, maybe they CAN do that, but that's not actually what's happening.

Oh, ok. I get that...I was just confused, because even though my company does direct deposit (yay!!!), I'm pretty confident that I have to pick just one account. I can do auto-debit from there, though, with no problems.

[embrassezla]

Yeah, loving the direct deposit / auto debit combo. I like that I never see the $ that goes toward my mortgage, and I dont even have to worry about manually paying it. I still have to get used to looking at my checkbook total and NOT subtracting out a rent payment in my head to see how much I really have in there.

[CTGirl]

Even at my last job, where I worked for a guy who had his own consulting firm, we had the option of splitting our direct deposit amongst multiple accounts in multiple banks.

[pisces2473]

Even at my last job, where I worked for a guy who had his own consulting firm, we had the option of splitting our direct deposit amongst multiple accounts in multiple banks.
Did you outsource for payroll? We don't, and that's why we don't have direct deposit. Our accounting person uses QuickBooks.

[CTGirl]

Did you outsource for payroll? We don't, and that's why we don't have direct deposit. Our accounting person uses QuickBooks.

Ah, yeah, we did, so that's why we had options like that.

I'm not sure how it works at my current job, though, I never asked, but I imagine its the same, as everything at this job is better :D

[EmberMae]

I don't know about that. Unless one or both parties have irresponsible spending habits (or money is really REALLY tight, so that every single dollar counts), I don't see how they affect the other person.
Well, many people are in that situation. And if you have joint savings goals and the other person is not contributing because they would rather spend the money, it is a problem. if my fiance decided he wanted to eat lunch out every day, or spend $500 a month on clothes, or whatever that's that much further we are from ever reaching our goal of owning a house and being able to afford children. That affects me.

But if you are in a situation where you can contribute equally, this is not a problem. Most major household items are paid for 50/50 by my SO and I, and if I buy, say, a nightstand for the guest room, who cares if it's mine or his? I don't need to "keep track".
because trying to keep everything 50/50 is challenging, it can lead to a bunch of tit for tat bullshit. Like you bought the nightstand, so why should you have to pay 50% of x? or how dare you use "my" x, y, or z without asking me? Especially if one partner doesn't make as much as the other, which is very common, I can easily see this leading to resentment and power struggle.

We buy our groceries separately. Mostly we end up sharing food we use for dinner, but stuff we buy for breakfast/lunches during the week is respectfully not touched by the other person.
I got sick of this crap when I lived with roommates, trying to keep track of whose food is whose and god forbid if we do share something, who bought it last time. One of my roommates would get pissed at me if she had to buy the milk two times in a row, like I'm supposed to just run out and get milk the second it runs out. We got to the point where we had separate milks and if my milk ran out I couldn't use her milk, although more often than not I would end up throwing some of mine away because I couldn't use it before it went bad.

It's all about individual circumstance, so I'm not suggesting that everyone should/can do things My Way. But I don't argue with my SO about finances - EVER - and that's an accomplishment, as I see it.
We don't really argue about finances either. but if I were in your situation, we would. All the time. I agree, it's about the individual. I can't imagine being married to someone and not taking a what's yours is mine/vice versa approach.

[pisces2473]

Ah, yeah, we did, so that's why we had options like that.

I'm not sure how it works at my current job, though, I never asked, but I imagine its the same, as everything at this job is better :D
Ha! There you go! :)