Who do we let see us hurt?

[Sam]

I am finding that of late, most of my friends don't get me. They don't understand what it is like. I just graduated from the University have no job, lots of interested companies, not offers, and I have not place to live. I have no place to feel safe. I am constantly comforting my friends but, they don't really comfort me. has this happened to anyone else? It seems Like I am the only one who isn't allowed to have a nervous breakdown. Some of you may sugest going home, well I got kicked out. So, I am for the first time "ALONE", I am living on one of my friends couch until I can find a job. But, I don;t think he gets what it means to really have nothing to do. I have no responsbilities right now, and that scares me. HAs anyone else gone through the same issue. Please let me and others know, don't just view this post, reply!!

[crazy-girl]

I understand how you feel. I just freaked out with a friend of mine the other week because it felt like I was only listening to her talk about her boyfriend troubles but as soon as I started to talk about my job troubles---she'd cut me off. I don't know what the answer is. The only thing that I can think of is that we're all being pretty selfish right now and probably not realizing it. My friend probably felt like I always talked about my job and never listened to her talk about her boyfriend. Maybe it's a two way road? It doesn't FEEL like it though.

Don't have any advice but I just wanted to say that I understand.

[Anonymous]

Ya know, as much as this hurts now. It WILL make you stronger. It's a shame to not have your parents at least there for you, their loss. Not like I know the whole situation,but at least try to talk to them. If that fails, talk to a therapist or crisis center. It's anonymous and free. As far as a job, do temp work, it'll get you out of the house and with $$. From experience, I've always met nice people at my temp posts. After college, you meet people in the most bizarre ways anyway. Good luck!

[wordsmith]

It's so true...I think that we are probably in one of the most self-absorbed phases in our lives, and I don't mean that in a bad way...I think a certain amount of self-absorption is necessary. How are we supposed to figure out what sorts of directions we'd like to try to point our lives in without intense introspection, right? Unfortunately, that makes us come off as selfish at times, even to one another, unfortunately.

A friend from childhood who married and started her family way early keeps it real for me every so often. It's very sobering to think that she's at a point in her life... with husband, daughter, house mortgage, being a working mom and full-time student at 24, etc...that I wouldn't see myself at for another ten years. It makes me realize that my particular struggles, which a few visits have shown me mirror those of a lot of the people who frequent these boards, while totally valid, are really just only one category of the variety of challenges life hands us.

It's good for me to remember all that when I'm railing/moping/venting about how at sea I feel starting out in the world on my own without a road map (or perhaps a far too-detailed one with no particular route mapped out?) to an acquaintance who's (rightfully) intent on doing the exact same thing and not much interested in listening him/herself. Sometimes it doesn't so much feel like commiserating as one-upping each other on who's more alienated.

[Lipgloss Boost]

my friend is married with a kid. i always thought it was so great, she's so lucky (am i quoting Britney now?). but we've talked. she gave up her career to be with him. now she's given-up hjer career for her husband.

it may be lonely, but i find shows like Sex & The City help! i can't date to save my ass: i'm not good at it! 8chuckle* 9don't ask) so i relish (when i wasn't with my guy) going to the bar & flirting my butt off! as for age: i don't plan on getting married until i'm 34. my career is *much* more important. most of my friends are focussed on "tick-tick" (kids) but since i can't've them & don't want them - i'm *alot* freer!

take care.

[Antonina]

why 34, can I ask? Is it because you have commitments that will be done with at that time or is it just an instinctive/enigmatic number for you?

just curious

[Unregistered]

I totally understand what you are saying Sam. Life is scary..and things don't turn out the way we planned. That may be the hardest lesson to learn. As much as we like to think that we are in control...in many ways we are not.

When we graduate from hs and college people say things like "oh the places you will go" and "how exciting...you have the world at your feet" and the shitty part is that we believe them. Its not like that and often doors close that we would have never guessed and others may open. BUT it doesn't make it easier.

The one thing that brings me peace is knowing that I'm not the first person to go through this and realistically I won't be the last. If others got through it...so can I.

I know its not comforting when you are plagued with sef-doubt and identity confusion..but maybe just maybe that's the process of growing up..really growin up. We always hear about rite of passages...maybe the quarterlifecrisis...is just that...another rite of passage that we all go through. The only difference now is that we know we are not alone.

You're not alone. That I can promise you!

Lots of love,
SKM