New thread on what I should do with my life... Thoughts? [Archive]

capella

12-09-2006, 12:26 PM

Well, here I am again. Still don't know what I want to do.

The bullet points:

1. I am sick of being overworked, underpaid and underappreciated. Period.

2. I am sick of not having any growth potential or options to further my financial situation with my job. I will always be poor. I might get slightly less poor, but that is after YEARS, DECADES even, of working unpaid overtime, buying my own class supplies, stress, and NEVER spending a dime to enjoy my life at all. I am not that much of a martyr. Sorry.

3. I love the teaching part of my job (the tiniest part really). I really LOVE my kids. I enjoy making lessons. I hate everything else about my job. Well, the breaks are kind of nice, but I usually end up so used up from my job that I spend the break recovering, not enjoying myself.

4. I need to have a job that is not routine and boring. I would prefer not to be in an office all day. I like to have a lot to keep me busy at work. I just don't want to have a lot of work to keep me busy at home, too.

5. I have looked into so many other fields, but I just can't find one that fixes my problems with my current job. I thought about social work, but the pay is almost the same and so is the stress. And no breaks or pensions. And it is a costly master's degree program that I would have to quit my job to complete. Can't happen.

I thought about nursing, but I didn't like the associate degree program and I can't afford to go back to school where I am right now. I can't live on one income here. I can't go back to school part time because of my job.

I thought about landscape architecture, which I'm sure I would like mostly, but it's a crap shoot. And it's a LOT of money on a master's degree for a job that would only partially be what I'm looking for. I'm not really ready to jump on board for another 20K in school loans for a job that pays almost the same starting out and I don't know that I would really be happy with. And again, I would have to quit my job and I would HAVE to move because there isn't a program here.

*Whew* As you can tell I've done a lot of soul searching, but I am still at a loss. I know in my heart that as much as I do like teaching, I really can't do this forever. I don't feel like it evens out in the end. I feel like I'm being used and abused for my desire to make a difference in this world. I don't know that I am really that much of a sap.

I'm leaning back towards nursing. I looked into a BSN program (there are accelerated ones too, but I'd still have about 7 pre-req classes to take). I like that option the best because I'd graduate with the most options available for employment.

I am leaning towards nursing again because there are so many different positions open and paths to take, whereas in teaching this is pretty much the job I will have anywhere. I don't have any room for growth. And nurses make a crapload more than I do and can have flexible schedules. I could even work part time when I had kids.

I could work my way up to being a nurse practitioner and be almost a doctor. I wouldn't want to be an actual doctor though. I could work with babies, I could work with pregnant women, I could work in preventative care in a doctor's office, I could work in radiology, etc. I could do a lot more with that training. That is appealing to me. I feel very stifled in teaching.

I will have to move to do this though. I can't work full time and do this program at the same time. If I move to Fort Worth, I will have to do the full BSN program not accelerated because it's only offered at a private university, a 40K program. No thanks.

I could move to Austin, and they have an accelerated program at UT Austin. But the pay is slightly less for teachers (my husband). I think the accelerated program would be nicer, but I have a lot of pre-req classes to take anyhow. Plus I do have a bachelor's degree already and the BSN at Fort Worth wouldn't take me 4 years. It just would take longer than 15 months.

There is an accelerated program here at UCF, but I can't afford to quit my job here or even to work part time. It's just not a viable option. Plus, we'd have to sell our house to rent for slightly less, and then what would we do when I did graduate? I'd also have to work another 2 years just to be able to afford to possibly live on my husband's income and THEN go back to school.

I have a lot to think about I guess.

winneythepooh7

12-09-2006, 12:55 PM

I wish I knew. As you know, I am going through similar thoughts myself. The only big difference is going back to school for something else is out of the question. I cannot afford another degree. I make slightly more then the minimum monthly payment now on my student loans. And I am in a payment plan where the payments are going to go up to what I am paying now, and higher as the years go along.

Quitting my job or working P/T is not an option right now either. *Sigh*. I honestly have no clue.

AshleyJordan

12-09-2006, 01:12 PM

Well, like many others on the board I'm going through a similar career transition dilemna, and one thing that's helped me to frame my search is looking at the parts of my job I like and seeing where those skills/duties could apply to something new. (In may case, maybe switching from nonprofit fundraising to for-profit marketing using my writing and financial skills.)

Ex.: if you like working with kids there could be day care, child psychology, pediatrics, etc. The lesson plan/training part could translate to doing corporate trainings, etc. . . none of this was meant to be prescriptive, just examples off of the top of my head. Obviously, some things would get crossed off the list pretty quickly because of additional training needed, etc.

Finally, it's a little cheesy, but What Color is your Parachute? is a pretty good resource for the sorts of questions you've raised.

redav

12-09-2006, 05:00 PM

capella

12-09-2006, 05:42 PM

I know several teachers (in TX), and they are not "poor" by any definition. They don't get paid enough, sure, but it's plenty for them. Therefore, what is the difference?

You mentioned a few times the need for a masters degree. Why? I don't know why someone can't break into landscape architecture without one. Most successful people don't have advanced degrees. The VP in my company over the dept I used to work in only had a B.S. degree from a small directional state college.

So, to find the best route, you may need to find out what it is that makes other people successful (even if it is just feeling successful), and what you can do to get it, too. It seems that money is not the issue or problem.
Um, I don't teach in Texas. Teachers there make about 10K more a year than I do. And the cost of living is a lot less. Florida is not the cheap haven it used to be. Hence, why I am trying to move to Texas. The difference is I make $33,853 a year here. And I have lots of financial obligations to take care of. I don't think you can make a blanket statement about my finances when you don't know anything about it.

Second, landscape architecture DOES require an advanced degree if you don't have a bachelor's degree in landscape architecture, which I don't (ahem, Smilessosweet wanna chime in?). Being a social worker requires an MSW. Those are the two fields that I discussed that require an advanced degree. And I don't think I was being very rash in discussing grad school. I would go and invest the money ONLY if I knew it was something I wanted to do for sure and it was required.

Money most definitely is the issue and problem here. I DO NOT make enough to do the job that I do. It takes a HUGE toll on my personal life and it require much in the way of out of pocket spending. Any field I would be interested in working in would require more school and more training. I am not in the corporate world where you can "make it" based on charm and charisma like in the movies or something.

I don't think I can look at what makes other people successful and copy them to be successful too. Success is a personal definition. Besides the problem isn't that I don't feel successful. I've done damn well everything I've ever set out to do. My issue now is that I don't know what that is anymore and I'm not getting any younger.

Deni81

12-09-2006, 05:59 PM

winneythepooh7

12-09-2006, 06:03 PM

Amy, I wish I knew what to tell you. But know that you are not alone. I agree with all the points you made about teaching. I love the "teaching part" but there is too much stress, unpaid overtime work and the pay doesn't increase that much over time. I got a raise this year to 36k (woo hoo orange county). But over the next few years, it won't go up as much. I'm currently waiting to see if I got accepted to grad school in Mass for fall 2007. If i don't get a TA job at the school, i'll have to stay here and get my school counseling masters part-time. I've been told by other teachers that working full-time and going to grad school part-time is not an easy road. Teaching is not a job you can just disconnect from when you get home.

I admire teachers who lasted past the 10 year mark. This is a job that wears on you.

Ok, didn't mean to threadjack. Sorry.

Not to discourage you, but I know like 3 people in person who got their Master's in school or guidance counseling who have not been able to find a job. The jobs are non-existent in this area at least. I also know someone personally who is a school psychologist and had a great job, but then got into a car accident well over a year ago. She had to quit her job while she recovered, and has been unable to find a position since.

capella

12-09-2006, 06:04 PM

Amy, I wish I knew what to tell you. But know that you are not alone. I agree with all the points you made about teaching. I love the "teaching part" but there is too much stress, unpaid overtime work and the pay doesn't increase that much over time. I got a raise this year to 36k (woo hoo orange county). But over the next few years, it won't go up as much. I'm currently waiting to see if I got accepted to grad school in Mass for fall 2007. If i don't get a TA job at the school, i'll have to stay here and get my school counseling masters part-time. I've been told by other teachers that working full-time and going to grad school part-time is not an easy road. Teaching is not a job you can just disconnect from when you get home.

I admire teachers who lasted past the 10 year mark. This is a job that wears on you.

Ok, didn't mean to threadjack. Sorry.
Oh, you're not threadjacking. :) It's nice to know that I'm not the only one. It doesn't seem to bother my husband as much. Today he said he doesn't really stress about the pay issue because he doesn't really deal with our finances. That's my department. I guess what I stress over is the fact that I work my damn ass off and I still can't get anywhere and that I will likely not EVER get anywhere with the path I am currently on. It is that wearing on me as well.

winneythepooh7

12-09-2006, 06:06 PM

Oh, you're not threadjacking. :) It's nice to know that I'm not the only one. It doesn't seem to bother my husband as much. Today he said he doesn't really stress about the pay issue because he doesn't really deal with our finances. That's my department. I guess what I stress over is the fact that I work my damn ass off and I still can't get anywhere and that I will likely not EVER get anywhere with the path I am currently on. It is that wearing on me as well.

I don't think I would stress as much if my fiance had something that was more stable. Because he has his own business, he doesn't have benefits and such that come with your standard type of job.

capella

12-09-2006, 06:11 PM

I don't think I would stress as much if my fiance had something that was more stable. Because he has his own business, he doesn't have benefits and such that come with your standard type of job.
Yep, I hear that! I can at least say that I am fortunate to remember a time when things were a lot worse. I was the one with the stable job and he was the one trying to launch a career (which never happened with that field anyhow).

I am always the one to manage our money and to set the goals and make a plan. He just always goes along. It's a little infuriating. He'd rather just let me handle it. We've had discussions before about taking care of money equally but it always works out that I am the impetus for change in our relationship. :mad: That's another thread though. He will collect the bills together when we're mapping out the bill pay strategy for the month. And I will say we spend less on groceries when he goes shopping. LOL.

Deni81

12-09-2006, 06:18 PM

Not to discourage you, but I know like 3 people in person who got their Master's in school or guidance counseling who have not been able to find a job. The jobs are non-existent in this area at least. I also know someone personally who is a school psychologist and had a great job, but then got into a car accident well over a year ago. She had to quit her job while she recovered, and has been unable to find a position since.

Well I figured it won't be easy. My cousin just got the same masters a few years ago and it took her a while before she landed her job. I've come to realize that all the fields I like are hard to get into.

springhaze

12-09-2006, 07:04 PM

Well, I know you've probably considered this, but...would library/information science be a good fit for you? Possibly a school librarian since you love the kids so much?

Just throwing it out there. :)

redav

12-09-2006, 07:15 PM

Um, I don't teach in Texas. Teachers there make about 10K more a year than I do. And the cost of living is a lot less. Florida is not the cheap haven it used to be. Hence, why I am trying to move to Texas. The difference is I make $33,853 a year here. And I have lots of financial obligations to take care of. I don't think you can make a blanket statement about my finances when you don't know anything about it.

Second, landscape architecture DOES require an advanced degree if you don't have a bachelor's degree in landscape architecture, which I don't (ahem, Smilessosweet wanna chime in?). Being a social worker requires an MSW. Those are the two fields that I discussed that require an advanced degree. And I don't think I was being very rash in discussing grad school. I would go and invest the money ONLY if I knew it was something I wanted to do for sure and it was required.

Money most definitely is the issue and problem here. I DO NOT make enough to do the job that I do. It takes a HUGE toll on my personal life and it require much in the way of out of pocket spending. Any field I would be interested in working in would require more school and more training. I am not in the corporate world where you can "make it" based on charm and charisma like in the movies or something.

I don't think I can look at what makes other people successful and copy them to be successful too. Success is a personal definition. Besides the problem isn't that I don't feel successful. I've done damn well everything I've ever set out to do. My issue now is that I don't know what that is anymore and I'm not getting any younger.

Well, no intent to offend. I was asking a question. What was the blanket statement? That there's something beyond money that is an issue? (If that is upsetting, then I stick by my comment. There's always more to life than money.)

Many of the teachers I know are getting paid mid-30s. I think this year they did get bumped up, though, and costs are typically lower here. (And it's about time because they don't get paid enough for what they do.) While I don't know the details of your situation, I do know about being poor and also about being "poor." I know what it's like walking to the store hoping to find loose change on the sidewalk so I could buy milk. Yet I never felt unhappy or poor. When I got a job that paid 20K, I felt like a king. Again, there's always more to life than money.

There's a guy I know who was just promoted to an engineering supervisor. He had been an engineer for about 15-20 yrs. Engineering is one of those fields you have to have a degree to get into, yet he only has an associates. How is this possible? He started as drafter/designer, which doesn't require a degree. He learned from the engineers he worked with, proved himself and through years of experience, was promoted. I have grown to believe in the workforce, who you know and experience is far more important than any piece of paper. Perhaps you can't get a break, an opportunity to start out at a semi-skilled level, that first foot in the door. Maybe none of that can apply to your situation, but it's always worth considering. It seems that several people with the advanced degs aren't getting jobs for that exact reason. (My sister left a good job she didn't like to get a masters. Afterwards, she got stuck in a job she still didn't like, but paid about 70% as much, and with worse benefits. I had to watch as each year, she had to move into a cheaper, crummier apt. Things she used to do/buy and enjoy steadily disappeared. Five years later, things look like they're finally turning in her favor, fortunately. So many people today are getting advanced degrees, and are no happier--it's sad.)

I read a post on these forums talking about having a job you're passionate about. That's important--stress truly can ruin your life. A friend of mine (Martin) got married a year ago, and in the months before, was looking for extra work so he could get a little extra money. It didn't matter what the work was, retail, construction, yard work. Regardless of what he did, he was passionate about it; for him, everyday was a new opportunity. Despite he could barely feed himself, much less get married. I truly believe his mantra was "If you can't have the job you love, love the job you have." Sometimes I feel ashamed that I don't always work as hard or have as good an attitude as him.

Your comment about "not getting any younger" is the point I was alluding to. What was it that made Martin so happy despite the stress he was under? Why didn't I feel poor when I really was? What was it that my sister did that turned things around? Why does that elusive definition of "success" change during life? How do you keep ahead of it? I believe it is in refining our personalities and attitudes, not finding gimmicks. Peace doesn't come from any outward source.

capella

12-09-2006, 07:44 PM

winneythepooh7

12-09-2006, 08:36 PM

OK, I get what you're saying and it's great in theory. But quite honestly, I've been poor my whole life. And I mean a lot more poor than I am now. I've been eat rice with butter because there's nothing else to eat poor. I've been let's wait until the electric is turned back on poor. I get being really poor.

And I'm sorry, money might not be everything, but it certainly is something. I've worked hard and made the "right" choices all my whole life and I am sick of not being in a better place financially.

I am not looking for a gimmick either. I am looking for balance in my life. I am not trying to find a quick, get-rich scheme. I want to make a decent amount of money (like around 40K) to make a dent in my debts (I just wrote them out and it's depressing. I owe just as much on my student loans as I did 3 years ago when I graduated). I want to be able to enjoy my personal time. I don't get paid a lot AND I don't get time to myself. It's a double whammy.

I guess I'm just more practical about things and I don't buy into the whole just find a Zen place thing. I am not that self-less. I have spent my whole life taking care of other people, working to pay off debt that I incurred by trying to better myself, and I am so tired of working to take care of other people and buy my way out of poverty (which is essentially what I've had to do).

And before I know it, It'll be time to pop out some kids and then what? I will spend my whole life doing for others. If it makes me a bad person to want some time and enjoyment for myself... so be it. If it makes me such an ungrateful person to want to better my financial outlook... oh well. I guess I am a bad, ungrateful person.

And the blanket statement was that my problem isn't money and that you know teachers who make enough so I must too.

I understand what you are saying Amy. I have all my needs met and most of my bills paid (my debts will take awhile but I'm working on 'em). I feel sometimes though that people look at me like I am a bad person for wanting more. Like it's so horrible to want to be just a little more financially well-off. I don't want to even get into the house debate, but yeah, I'd like to own one one day. Is that really so wrong to want these things in life? I also feel like I've helped people my whole professional life, and so I don't ask for huge things, but I want a little more of a trade-off financially.

I am lucky because I've had some help from my family and I am sure when the time comes, we are going to get a little help from our families towards a down-payment for a house. But that still doesn't mean we personally won't have to work hard to pay our mortgage every month.

Especially in this area where $400K buys a shack with no land.

pisces2473

12-09-2006, 08:47 PM

Amy, what about working for a textbook company or educational consulting place? Or a lobbyist company for kids/education?

capella

12-09-2006, 09:13 PM

Amy, what about working for a textbook company or educational consulting place? Or a lobbyist company for kids/education?
I guess, but it would still be in an office setting and I would prefer not to work in an office setting. Actually, S knows someone who works for Scholastic here in Orlando. I asked him to look into what kind of editing or whatever jobs they might have. Even freelance would be kind of neat. But I don't think I'd want that long term.

Lobbyist... I don't think I could do that. I get far too riled up about kids and education issues to be productive in negotiations. I would be too emotional to do much good.

We've spent the night talking and going over finances together. Basically, as far as nursing goes, I can't afford to go to school around here. It's just not feasible because classes are during the day and I wouldn't make enough part time to swing it.

In Texas, it depends on where we end up. DFW: it's basically a 3 year program because I'd have to do the full bachelor's degree. Austin: I could do an accelerated master's nursing program, which would be good, but it's at least 2 years.

I will probably have to teach 2 years more anyhow. I was going to do another year to get in a better position financially before I go back to school. But when I was going over my school loans I found a link to the teacher loan forgiveness info. It looks like my loans still qualify and I can have 5K of the 11K I owe forgiven after 5 years of teaching service in a low income school.

I am not quite sure if they have to be all at the same school or not. I am under the impression that I can change schools but all 5 years have to be taught at a low income school to qualify. I hope that's true. Also, I can apply for deferrment (sp?) until the 5 years are up. I already have 3 years in, why not go for the whole shebang?

So I think we decided that if the house sells AND we get jobs in Texas... Great! If the house sells and we DON'T get jobs in Texas... not so great, but we'll just rent someplace and plunk whatever we might save on mortgage/tax/insurance payments (not a lot) into savings and try to move in 2 years. If our house doesn't sell at all... we'll just wait it out 2 years and try again.

I also told him that we'll have kids when we're in a good place to have kids. If it's 30 then it's 30. If it's 32 then it's 32. If it's never and we adopt.. well you get the picture.

EmberMae

12-09-2006, 09:36 PM

TWU is a public university and has an accellerated nursing program based out of Dallas.
http://www.twu.edu/nursing/programs/bs/fast_track.html
It's kind of confusing though because it makes it sound like you're going to have to complete the prereq classes at the Denton campus, which is pretty far away from the Dallas campus. But it's just another option for you.

Austin is a GREAT place to live but there is more competition for teaching jobs. I worked with a lady whose daughter had a degree in elementary education and was working at JCPenney. I knew someone else who ended up teaching over an hour away in Killeen. If your husband can get a job there it would be nice though. COL is a bit higher, especially within Austin city limits and I know you hate to commute.

I don't know if i'd rule out the community college thing. It's cheaper and will get you a nursing job faster, assuming you can become an RN with just the community college. But all these nursing schools offer RN to BSN degrees so it seems there are quite a few nurses who are RNs and don't have bachelor's degrees yet. You can always get the bachelor's that way later.

The nice thing about nursing is you won't have to take work home, 12 hour shifts are common though, and it sounds pretty exhausting and stressful although, I doubt it could ever be as stressful as teaching.

I think you have to live in texas for at least a year, maybe 2 I'm not sure, to get in state tuition, so you would have to be teaching anyway. I don't know how much a different school would help, but you know that teaching is never going to be one of those jobs that ends at 5 pm and if you can't live with that then looking for an exit strategy is the right thing to do. I can't think of anything you haven't already though of, but I will say that the medical field is a really solid choice if you can stomach it. (I never could).

capella

12-09-2006, 10:10 PM

Fantastic! That program has perfect timing! I love it! Yay!

I suppose I just have to hope that things will work out how they're supposed to work out. That is how everything else in my life has been.

Thanks for the heads up Ember!

wordsmith

12-10-2006, 02:24 AM

Nursing/healthcare, in my estimation, have the potential to be just as all-consuming as teaching.

ebruening

12-10-2006, 07:33 AM

Amy, I can relate to your career confusion.

The fact that I get a whole week off at the holidays is great. However, I'm unofficially "required" to spend 5 of the 7 days I have off (I get Christmas Day and New Year's Day off..woo hoo) completing state testing crap that the Curriculum Director SHOULD be doing because it's HIS JOB :mad: :mad: :mad: Fine, dude, then pay me for the "professional development days" you're asking me to put in. There'll be no going out of town for me this holiday season.

I want to quit next year...but I'm totally confused over what I should be doing. Getting a Ph.D. in English doesn't necessarily = job opportunities galore. If anything, I'll stand less chance of landing a job (a tenure-track position with a PH.D.) than I will as a high school English teacher with a B.A.

Sorry to threadjack, Amy, but right now, I absolutely loathe my job.

winneythepooh7

12-10-2006, 08:16 AM

Everytime I read a teacher's story, I feel less bad about my personal situation. I mean, overall I like my job. It just sucks that I don't have better benefits.

capella

12-10-2006, 09:01 AM

Nursing/healthcare, in my estimation, have the potential to be just as all-consuming as teaching.
Want to elaborate? :) All-consuming while I'm at work? Great! All-consuming every freakin' second of my life, even when sleeping? Not so great!

I figure I'll have 4 12-hour shifts per week. That's still less hours than I work now. I figure I'll be on call. That's still less consuming than my current job. Plus when I come home... I can be HOME. And if I work more hours that week... I get paid for more hours!! And possibly overtime/time and a half on holidays. That certainly doesn't happen with teaching.

I figure I'll have to work on some holidays. Stinks, but since my husband has a lot of time off around holidays (and all summer) I don't think it really matters. We might have to celebrate a holiday before the holiday some years.

I figure I'll have to work some nights and weekends (especially just starting out). We might miss each other some weekends during the year (in the summer it doesn't matter because you tend to forget which day it is anyhow). But I think the way things are now, we're both so consumed with doing our jobs (me a lot more so because of what I teach) that we don't get a lot of quality time together anyhow.

winneythepooh7

12-10-2006, 09:08 AM

Want to elaborate? :) All-consuming while I'm at work? Great! All-consuming every freakin' second of my life, even when sleeping? Not so great!

I figure I'll have 4 12-hour shifts per week. That's still less hours than I work now. I figure I'll be on call. That's still less consuming than my current job. Plus when I come home... I can be HOME. And if I work more hours that week... I get paid for more hours!! And possibly overtime/time and a half on holidays. That certainly doesn't happen with teaching.

I figure I'll have to work on some holidays. Stinks, but since my husband has a lot of time off around holidays (and all summer) I don't think it really matters. We might have to celebrate a holiday before the holiday some years.

I figure I'll have to work some nights and weekends (especially just starting out). We might miss each other some weekends during the year (in the summer it doesn't matter because you tend to forget which day it is anyhow). But I think the way things are now, we're both so consumed with doing our jobs (me a lot more so because of what I teach) that we don't get a lot of quality time together anyhow.

I am friends with several nurses, and let me just say, this appears to be the career of the future, especially if you want children. My one friend only works P/T and she makes what I make F/T salary wise. Additionally, when she is "on-call" she also gets paid for those hours. She also states that she doesn't get called in that much when on-call. If I had a stronger stomach and didn't get weak at the thought of blood, I would consider this field. Plus, no matter where you live, there is always going to be a need for nurses, in so many different types of jobs, not just hospitals. Nurses can pretty much write their own ticket anywhere.

capella

12-10-2006, 09:33 AM

I've also thought about the blood/vomit/urine bodily issues things.

Blood- doesn't bother me at all. Squirting out quickly would probably freak me out the first time, but I know that I would get used to it and just switch to reacting. I actually watch when they draw my blood because it's cool. I have HUGE veins too.

Vomit- not so great, but I'm not immune from vomit with my current job (I had a kid puke on the way back from lunch last week. Thankfully, we were outside).

Urine- not fun for sure, but it doesn't bother me. Again, not so immune from it with my current job. My little boys miss in the bathroom a lot!!!

Poo- my least favorite, but a good scrub (times 50) and I would quickly push the thought from memory. I have good blocking capabilities.

I don't get grossed out easily. I used to scrub other people's toilets for crying out loud (not with a cruddy toilet brush either... with big rubber gloves, green Comet powder and a scrubby sponge). I am far from squeamish.

Death does bother me. But I don't know if it's just family members and people I know or if it's death itself. Besides I don't HAVE to work where people are going to die everyday. I KNOW that I couldn't work in geriatrics. Terminal illness would also get me a little too much. However, there are a lot of other areas to concentrate in. I would lean towards kids, pregnant women, and preventative care

And I do know that I have the ability to detach emotionally from a situation and still be empathetic and take action. Actually, teaching can be that way too. When I'm at work I have to be able to detach emotionally from the kids and evaluate them objectively. I can do that.

Do I take certain kids to heart, yeah, but they don't know that. Certain kids irritate me, but you'd NEVER see that in his or her grade. And certain kids are sweet and have problems that I feel bad for (I have one with a prostitute mom, one whose mom was in the hospital from a domestic violence incident, etc. But I don't baby them at school. I empathize, but I wouldn't let them get away with murder or not do their work either.) What I get frustrated with is how much my job demands from me, how little in the way of resources I get, and how little I actually am rewarded for it in my personal life (and here I mean having time to myself and $$$).

arrow

12-10-2006, 10:25 AM

Everytime I read a teacher's story, I feel less bad about my personal situation. I mean, overall I like my job. It just sucks that I don't have better benefits.

If it makes you feel any better, my mom is a hs math teacher and loves her job to pieces. She's been doing it for many years and I think is a special case. It's one of those jobs, though, that if you don't love it, get out.

Nursing... well, same kinda thing, I think. Low pay, long hours, not nearly as much respect as docs and PA's get. PA's on the other hand have much better pay at least. I know one nurse who works only 3 days a week, but they are 3 12-hr days.

Dental hygenists, on the other hand, have a good thing going. They usually aren't full-time employees of their dentists, and often work between more than one dentist, so employee benefits are out. But they make $35-40 an hr and have freedom to do other things on the side. You may have to buy your own insurance but your hours are great and your pay is decent, and sometimes you can do that in addition to another part-time endeavor.

redav

12-10-2006, 10:34 AM

I guess I'm just more practical about things and I don't buy into the whole just find a Zen place thing. I am not that self-less. I have spent my whole life taking care of other people, working to pay off debt that I incurred by trying to better myself, and I am so tired of working to take care of other people and buy my way out of poverty (which is essentially what I've had to do).

And before I know it, It'll be time to pop out some kids and then what? I will spend my whole life doing for others. If it makes me a bad person to want some time and enjoyment for myself... so be it. If it makes me such an ungrateful person to want to better my financial outlook... oh well. I guess I am a bad, ungrateful person.

And the blanket statement was that my problem isn't money and that you know teachers who make enough so I must too.

I want you to look at this from a different viewpoint. Do not "just find a Zen place thing." You mentioned difficulties doing the finances with your husband. That is a problem, and it will need to be fixed. Having more money will not make that go away--it will still cause you stress. Likewise, if the two of you are on the same page with the finances, your stress right now will be less, and your job will seem more manageable.

I also want you to look at your definition of "time and enjoyment for yourself." People are not bad or selfish for wanting this. 20/20 had an episode on charity. They had a story on the "helper's high," which is a euphoric-type feeling people have when giving charitable service to others (it doesn't happen when we are forced into it or do it grudgingly). This "high" is very real, and it is the key to being happy and having strong, meaningful relationships with family and friends. However, from your posts, I doubt you would agree. There is a disconnect, and I challenge you to discover why it is there.

Also, let me rephrase my "blanket statement" to better say what I was getting at: There are people in similar situations, but are not in "crisis." That implies something is different between the two conditions. Finding that difference is critical to moving from one state to the other.

AshleyJordan

12-10-2006, 10:44 AM

I understand what you are saying Amy. I have all my needs met and most of my bills paid (my debts will take awhile but I'm working on 'em). I feel sometimes though that people look at me like I am a bad person for wanting more. Like it's so horrible to want to be just a little more financially well-off. I don't want to even get into the house debate, but yeah, I'd like to own one one day. Is that really so wrong to want these things in life? I also feel like I've helped people my whole professional life, and so I don't ask for huge things, but I want a little more of a trade-off financially.

I've only gotten the guilt trip from people in other (read: "corporate") jobs.
My fellow nonprofit friends, and those who work in education/social services, are right there with me in understanding that I can't spend my entire career helping others at my own expense!

wordsmith

12-10-2006, 12:05 PM

If anything, I'll stand less chance of landing a job (a tenure-track position with a PH.D.) than I will as a high school English teacher with a B.A.

Highly likely. I was advised of exactly that reality seven years ago during a session with my faculty advisor in undergrad, herself a PhD in English with a tenure track. It sucked to hear at the time, when I'd had other profs recommend that I look into the endeavor, but I was actually really glad in the long run that somebody was honest with me.

GoogleGirl

12-10-2006, 12:48 PM

Reading all the posts in this thread is really making me second guess everything right now..:torn:

capella

12-10-2006, 05:56 PM

I want you to look at this from a different viewpoint. Do not "just find a Zen place thing." You mentioned difficulties doing the finances with your husband. That is a problem, and it will need to be fixed. Having more money will not make that go away--it will still cause you stress. Likewise, if the two of you are on the same page with the finances, your stress right now will be less, and your job will seem more manageable.

I also want you to look at your definition of "time and enjoyment for yourself." People are not bad or selfish for wanting this. 20/20 had an episode on charity. They had a story on the "helper's high," which is a euphoric-type feeling people have when giving charitable service to others (it doesn't happen when we are forced into it or do it grudgingly). This "high" is very real, and it is the key to being happy and having strong, meaningful relationships with family and friends. However, from your posts, I doubt you would agree. There is a disconnect, and I challenge you to discover why it is there.

Also, let me rephrase my "blanket statement" to better say what I was getting at: There are people in similar situations, but are not in "crisis." That implies something is different between the two conditions. Finding that difference is critical to moving from one state to the other.

Hmm, I know that I asked for thoughts and opinions on what I'm feeling, but I really think you're off base here.

To rephrase what you're saying... I should get over myself and just get used to giving to others because I should be getting such a "high" by doing everything for other people at my own expense. My "crisis", which I don't believe I've ever said was a crisis nor do I feel at all in a "crisis", is that I should just focus more on the "good" things in life that are free instead of wanting to better my financial outlook. Self-questioning and wanting to better my situation does not a crisis-mode make. I'm actually fairly calm about all of this.

I would hope that you're just trying to help me, or you think you are anyway, but I'm really a little irritated that you think you know so much about me from a few posts on a messageboard. I really don't think you're in a place to "challenge" me at all when I've posted on here about being dissatisfied. It's not just that I disagree with what you're saying. I really feel like you are pawning off some sort of 3rd rate psychobabble at me and I'm not quite sure why you're feeling the need to do that.

First, I said I would rather my husband be more involved in financial planning instead of being OK with me running the show. I am a little annoyed by that, but we definitely don't fight over money at all and it's not that much of a problem. He will get involved if I ask and he does get involved over big stuff. And I never said we weren't on the same page with finances. I just said he'd rather let me write the book is all. But even if that weren't true it wouldn't fix my dissatisfaction with my job because it's not just money that bothers me about it.

Second, I don't do my job grudgingly. I switch to teacher mode the second I open my classroom everyday. And I'm sure all those people who do so much charity work and get a "helper's high" would get just as sick of it as I am if they did NOTHING but work and do for others all the time. A "helper's high" doesn't pay my mortgage or feed my cats.

And I don't give a whoodiddle about how someone else is feeling. I have a right to my own feelings without some guru on a messageboard telling me to "discover my disconnect." Just because someone else in a "similar" situation feels fan-freakin'-tastic about it doesn't make my feelings invalid or wrong. You're making an awful lot of assumptions about me and you really don't know me. :rolleyes:

Suidoken

12-10-2006, 08:36 PM

Cappella

Texas cost of living is next to nothing.

Have you ever considered being a professor? I heard some of the teachers that teach online classes make pretty good money. The work isn’t strenuous it’s all about preparation and the system does the rest. No grading papers everything automatic.

I’m the biggest advocate of online training I’ve ever seen! lol you can earn a masters online for half the cost. Think about it there is no rush. It’s a masters. It will take time. I would rather complete it from the comfort of my own home than in some dorm room. They say you can actually complete the degree faster online than in the school itself.

Have you considered tutoring children on the side? Professional tutors make $$$$ to.

SmilesSoSweet

12-10-2006, 10:31 PM

What happened to the landscape architecture route? I thought you were still planning on going back to school for your MLA?

vxmike

12-10-2006, 11:04 PM

Nursing is a great field if you can handle it. As has already been pointed out:

- you get paid for every minute you work
- don't have to take work home
- tremendous career opportunities and flexibility

Working 40 hours plus just a little OT will earn you 60k/yr in most areas. If you want to work a lot of OT and plenty of holidays you'll earn 80k or more no problem.

The healthcare field is definitely the present and the future for jobs given the aging population.

redav

12-10-2006, 11:08 PM

canela

12-11-2006, 07:10 AM

Texas cost of living is next to nothing.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Not true! Granted, I'll give everyone here that it *is* better than Florida, because I lived down near Tampa for a while. It's not as cheap as everyone thinks though! You've got to get well outside of any of the major cities to reap the benefits of a lower cost of living, and to top it all off, the property taxes out here are outrageous compared to say... eastern Tennessee. Power was deregulated, and because of that the rates have gone through the roof, and for a state that seems to have all the petroleum either in it's borders or coming in from the Gulf, we have some crazy gas prices.

If you want a lower COL, stay as far away from the DFW metro area as you can. I wish I fought harder for the boy to come with me to TN rather than move here to be with him.... we could have done so much better than we are now, and I live 45 minutes south of the Metroplex!

wordsmith

12-11-2006, 10:04 AM

If you want a lower COL, stay as far away from the DFW metro area as you can.

This is pretty universally applicable, regardless of state...metro areas tend toward high COL, small town/rural are lower. I wouldn't say "Texas [or any state] is cheap," although it always depends on your frame of reference. Parts of any state are cheap, and most states have parts that are more costly, depending on population.

EmberMae

12-11-2006, 10:18 AM

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Not true! Granted, I'll give everyone here that it *is* better than Florida, because I lived down near Tampa for a while. It's not as cheap as everyone thinks though! You've got to get well outside of any of the major cities to reap the benefits of a lower cost of living, and to top it all off, the property taxes out here are outrageous compared to say... eastern Tennessee. Power was deregulated, and because of that the rates have gone through the roof, and for a state that seems to have all the petroleum either in it's borders or coming in from the Gulf, we have some crazy gas prices.

If you want a lower COL, stay as far away from the DFW metro area as you can. I wish I fought harder for the boy to come with me to TN rather than move here to be with him.... we could have done so much better than we are now, and I live 45 minutes south of the Metroplex!
When you compare the DFW metroplex to similarly sized metroplexes with similarly paying jobs, DFW comes out ahead big time. Yeah DFW costs more than say, small town rural texas. But what kind of job are you going to get out there? Further, teacher salaries in rural texas are MUCH lower than DFW. They pay closer to the Texas state minimum, which is like 25k. It's not perfect, but the income to cost of living ratio is definately better than what most americans are dealing with.

canela

12-11-2006, 10:24 AM

When you compare the DFW metroplex to similarly sized metroplexes with similarly paying jobs, DFW comes out ahead big time. Yeah DFW costs more than say, small town rural texas. But what kind of job are you going to get out there? Further, teacher salaries in rural texas are MUCH lower than DFW. They pay closer to the Texas state minimum, which is like 25k. It's not perfect, but the income to cost of living ratio is definately better than what most americans are dealing with.

True, but what I was referring to more than being out completely in the boonies, is far enough out to lower the COL, but still within a commute distance. For example, where I am is a ways out, but 8 out of every 10 people here commute to Dallas/Ft Worth or Waco unless they just work some small retail job.

Suidoken

12-11-2006, 10:24 AM

On Texas

I would love to live in Texas on my salary now and on my salary when I hit the ceiling in my job!

Right now my house is valued around $220,000. It’s a town house 2 bed 2 bath with a basement. I’m in VA. In Texas my money would be doing jumping jacks in the housing market haha! 220K in a lot of places out there is 3 to 4 bedrooms.

http://www.homes.com/Content/ListingDetail.cfm?City=HIGHLANDS&State=TX&FirstRec=1&Radius=0&Bedrooms=&FullBaths=&MinPrice=&MaxPrice=&PriceRange=&AmenitiesList=&PropType=%20&TotalRecs=36&PropIdList=39771177,41043378,42739617,38695971,418 76937,24852627&PropId=41876937

canela

12-11-2006, 10:27 AM

We're still in a drought, I don't know about green.... *laughs*

I know what you mean though, I grew up in Boston.

Suidoken

12-11-2006, 11:27 AM

I've promised myself that when I move I will not buy something that fits my salary either. I love getting ahead. I would sell the current house and buy the price equivalent ( but bigger size and more yard) in TX or some other low cost of living state.

I used to always hear older people talk about Texas, Florida or NM when they retire. It got me thinking what would it be like to live in one of those places making good money while you are young?

capella

12-11-2006, 05:28 PM

I assure you, the intent was not to offend. In-your-face, sure, but not offend. I am surprised by the result of a few words and phrases, though.

"Crisis" (in quotes) because this is a website entitled "Quarter Life Crisis" and you are asking advice on a "problem." But, maybe it's not actually a "problem" per se, but.... You get the point.

"Challenge" = to confront or defy boldly, to dare. That seems to be an applicable word for the idea I was going for.

I'm not saying you should get over yourself. I'm saying you should challenge (there's that word again) all of your current beliefs and attitudes and see what's working and what isn't. Perhaps you don't want to, and if you don't, it's no skin off my back. Is that psycho-babble? I'll let you decide. I'm suggesting things that work for me, my family, and my friends. Do with them as you will.

(Rate of $ in) - (Rate of $ out) = (Rate of $ Accumulation)
If your accumulation rate is <0, you're screwed. You know that and don't need someone to tell you that. You have plans to fix it. I really hope whatever fix you decide does indeed fix it. Many don't. (I'm sure you've seen several "fixes" in education that didn't improve anything.) It really sucks when after a ton of work and rework, you end up back where you started.
Anyhow, why do you feel the need to be so "in my face" about this. I don't see why I have to change my "beliefs" about my situation. Please. Yes, that is completely psycobabble.

I am almost sure you're just trying to rattle my chain here and so this is the last I'll respond to you. I'm curious... you're posting on a "crisis" board, and since you assume I'm here because of some "crisis" instead of because I happen to like several members of this board and enjoy sounding ideas off on other people my age and enjoy the community here.... what's your crisis, eh? Clearly, you know more than I do about my "beliefs" and how to find "happiness" so what's your problem? Obviously, redav has it all figured out right.

Honestly, am I really the only one seeing the condescension?

wordsmith

12-11-2006, 05:32 PM

Most of us who have spent time here know that we're here primarily for the community and sounding board and feedback and, from time to time, advice, rather than because we are people who are constantly in crisis. Some lurking should make that pretty clear.

capella

12-11-2006, 06:01 PM

What happened to the landscape architecture route? I thought you were still planning on going back to school for your MLA?
I haven't completely ruled it out. But I am doubting it. It would be a very expensive 3-4 years and the timing on graduating from the program stinks as I'll be right around 30 when that happens. I really don't want to have a kid at 35 and I really don't want to graduate and then start having babies when I'm trying to launch a new career. (Yes, I do think things through... almost too much). I also don't know that I would be 100% OK with the office job thing. It's not off the list, but it is towards the bottom. Plus, it's not really that kid-friendly. And having a family is important to me. I love kids.

wordsmith

12-11-2006, 06:42 PM

Truly, though, as much as you're not necessarily angling to stay in teaching, a school schedule is BY FAR the most family-friendly, kid-friendly schedule out there, obviously (debatably barring working from home).

Maybe you could get in some type of special endorsement that would allow you to work in education, according to a school schedule, but not be classroom teaching. I know my sister in law is working toward a special reading endorsement within her master's, so that she can become a Title I reading specialist, which is not a traditional classroom job, and is flexible. I also know that, before my local district's gifted/talented program got the axe, the G/T coordinator was a former teacher who wanted to do something different, but still be in the academic arena. Granted, a job like that wasn't full time in this case, but it allows for another part-time job if need be, and if your husband's insurance covers you sufficiently, working a couple of more easily scheduled part times in place of a full time won't be an insurance concern like it would be for, say, a single person.

springhaze

12-11-2006, 07:01 PM

following on wordsmith's post...a former high school teacher of mine eventually ended up in a non-classroom teaching role in our school district, mentoring and training new teachers. She loved it.

capella

12-11-2006, 07:23 PM

Well, teaching isn't family-friendly when I'm doing nothing but work all the time. I have thought about being a literacy or writing coach. It would be nice, but it would also be unstable as those jobs are only funded for a year and tend to go to veteran teachers.

I also thought about going into teacher training, but I would likely need (99% of the time) a master's in curriculum and instruction. And most of the time those people still get paid a teacher's salary or possibly slightly above.

I've thought of a lot of different possibilities and paths. But education isn't really something where you get a lot of growth potential, monetary rewards or respect.

pisces2473

12-11-2006, 07:30 PM

In a perfect world, what would you do?

wordsmith

12-11-2006, 07:40 PM

Well, teaching isn't family-friendly when I'm doing nothing but work all the time.

No, but schedule-wise, it is as family-friendly as a job gets. Even if you're grading papers and working on lesson plans and gathering and creating materials in the evenings while your kids are doing their homework or whatever, you're still there, at least. You're not off clocked in someplace while they're home working on their history project not able to ask you questions, or while your husband or a babysitter or whomever always gets to do their bath or tuck them in or whatever. My dad always worked into the night on repair estimates, paperwork, customer calls and things he couldn't do while out on the jobsite, but he was still at least there to take a half hour break and DO the bedtime story, even though his workday wasn't done. That flexibility does matter.

I've thought of a lot of different possibilities and paths. But education isn't really something where you get a lot of growth potential, monetary rewards or respect.

Nope, but if you love doing it, you love doing it. No teacher in the world feels like they get tremendous money, opportunity, or respect. Not that that means teaching is for you. I loved educating, myself. But a job teaching just wasn't for me. Doesn't mean the love of the institution itself was lacking. The tolerance for all the bullshit tied into the reality of it, though, was a real deterrant.

capella

12-11-2006, 07:43 PM

LOL! In a perfect world, I could plan lessons, teach kids, grade papers and be done with it during the 8 hours a day I am paid for. I wouldn't have to pay for shit out of pocket, I wouldn't have to donate my free time. I wouldn't be sitting here at almost 8 pm looking for Charlotte's Web activities online and planning a social studies unit. I could lock the classroom door every day and go home with peace in my heart that everything was neat, orderly, planned and ready to go for the next day. That would be a perfect world. It really is not the teaching aspect I dislike. It's everything else (and everything else is a much bigger chunk of my energy, time and patience) that goes with the job. And it's a package deal. I don't get to do just the part I like.

I really just want a job where I am busy at work using my potential, I do good for people, I make a good amount of money for it, and I can go home and be HOME. I want to be paid for my services. I don't think that's so wrong. I figured the hours once and on average I work 30 hours on top of the 37.5 I am actually paid for each week. That is beyond ridiculous. No one should be expected to work for free, donate their own money to do their job and then sit and be so happy to be helping. I am no Mother Teresa. I'm just not. And that's not wrong. ;)

capella

12-11-2006, 07:46 PM

No, but schedule-wise, it is as family-friendly as a job gets. Even if you're grading papers and working on lesson plans and gathering and creating materials in the evenings while your kids are doing their homework or whatever, you're still there, at least. You're not off clocked in someplace while they're home working on their history project not able to ask you questions, or while your husband or a babysitter or whomever always gets to do their bath or tuck them in or whatever. My dad always worked into the night on repair estimates, paperwork, customer calls and things he couldn't do while out on the jobsite, but he was still at least there to take a half hour break and DO the bedtime story, even though his workday wasn't done. That flexibility does matter.

Ok, agreed. But it still wears on me and I would definitely feel like my family would be getting the shaft so that I could help other people's families. That is also why I am looking for something that is good schedule-wise.

Nope, but if you love doing it, you love doing it. No teacher in the world feels like they get tremendous money, opportunity, or respect. Not that that means teaching is for you. I loved educating, myself. But a job teaching just wasn't for me. Doesn't mean the love of the institution itself was lacking. The tolerance for all the bullshit tied into the reality of it, though, was a real deterrant.

I'm just not sure I love doing it so much that I can put up with all the bullshit any longer. I know I don't love it so much I can see myself doing this another 30 years. Nope. Not even a little. And I think I have a lot to offer somewhere I could be rewarded for my efforts.

wordsmith

12-11-2006, 07:49 PM

I wouldn't be sitting here at almost 8 pm looking for Charlotte's Web activities online and planning a social studies unit.

Not to minimize, but because I'm of the age where I did my teacher training RIGHT on the cusp of the internet explosion...imagine how much rougher it was in the days that predate online educational resource databases. Well, not necessarily harder, but absolutely more time consuming not to have those options literally at your fingertips, and how much more advance prep time had to be factored in just to prepare. It's hard enough WITH the current resources. As all-consuming as teaching properly is, it used to be even moreso, just do to relatively new advents in convenience. Again, not really minimizing, just imagining...what if you'd had to take an extra week to find and access those same resources? Teaching's hard enough in its current state.

SmilesSoSweet

12-11-2006, 07:52 PM

I haven't completely ruled it out. But I am doubting it. It would be a very expensive 3-4 years and the timing on graduating from the program stinks as I'll be right around 30 when that happens. I really don't want to have a kid at 35 and I really don't want to graduate and then start having babies when I'm trying to launch a new career. (Yes, I do think things through... almost too much). I also don't know that I would be 100% OK with the office job thing. It's not off the list, but it is towards the bottom. Plus, it's not really that kid-friendly. And having a family is important to me. I love kids.

If I ever get married and have kids, I know for a fact that my current job will be kid friendly. I know I'll be able to work from home and then gradually get back to working full time.

My boss has four year old twins and even though his wife is a stay at home mom there are times when he needs to be at certain appointments or preschool type events and work will be flexible and not interfere.

I do think it's just tough as a female to be deep in a career then have to take time off to have a baby and then go back to work and juggle both work and motherhood.

steph78 is a civil engineer, and I believe she should have had her baby by now. I've worked with a few civil engineers that have had babies and it's tough but doable.

wordsmith

12-11-2006, 07:53 PM

I'm just not sure I love doing it so much that I can put up with all the bullshit any longer. I know I don't love it so much I can see myself doing this another 30 years. Nope. Not even a little. And I think I have a lot to offer somewhere I could be rewarded for my efforts.

I definitely wasn't willing to make the tradeoff. I figured there had to be another way, or multiple ways that I could get the same feeling, of imparting new knowledge and learning new things, and being proud of the way I went about presenting it and informing people...and there were other ways, and I found some of them. Currently, it's not perfect, but I've lasted at it far longer than I would have at teaching, and I have to say, I've never cried nightly over it in frustration at the politics of it, like I did when I was doing my teacher training and realized that I couldn't ever commit to something that broke me down on a nightly basis, no matter how important to me it was, philosophically speaking.

pisces2473

12-11-2006, 07:53 PM

Amy, what about just concentrating on YOU now...and worry about the kid stuff later?

capella

12-11-2006, 07:55 PM

Not to minimize, but because I'm of the age where I did my teacher training RIGHT on the cusp of the internet explosion...imagine how much rougher it was in the days that predate online educational resource databases. Well, not necessarily harder, but absolutely more time consuming not to have those options literally at your fingertips, and how much more advance prep time had to be factored in just to prepare. It's hard enough WITH the current resources. As all-consuming as teaching properly is, it used to be even moreso, just do to relatively new advents in convenience. Again, not really minimizing, just imagining...what if you'd had to take an extra week to find and access those same resources? Teaching's hard enough in its current state.
I suppose that would suck. But teachers back then also had a lot more freedom and say in what they were doing in the classroom. They also had a lot less paperwork and testing nonsense to worry about. I definitely think that if I had started this job 15 years ago.... I would have loved it.

Currently, the legislation nightmare that is NCLB stomps the joy out of my job and ruins it because *some* teachers weren't up to snuff. That's really amputating an arm when you needed a bandaid. It was way overreacting to a perceived problem (which is mostly rooted in social issues I have no control over anyhow).

wordsmith

12-11-2006, 07:57 PM

I suppose that would suck. But teachers back then also had a lot more freedom and say in what they were doing in the classroom. They also had a lot less paperwork and testing nonsense to worry about. I definitely think that if I had started this job 15 years ago.... I would have loved it.

Currently, the legislation nightmare that is NCLB stomps the joy out of my job and ruins it because *some* teachers weren't up to snuff. That's really amputating an arm when you needed a bandaid. It was way overreacting to a perceived problem (which is mostly rooted in social issues I have no control over anyhow).

Definitely no argument from me about the damage NCLB has wrought on the institution of education as a whole as well as the profession of teaching. I did my teacher training when Minnesota was just switching over to implementing their then new and "revolutionary" state standards (they were a few years "ahead" of NCLB, forerunners of the same philosophy), so I got to literally WATCH my enjoyment of it curl up and die.

capella

12-11-2006, 07:59 PM

Amy, what about just concentrating on YOU now...and worry about the kid stuff later?
I am!! I am less worried about that than I am about my current state of well-being. The kids thing is an issue because if I'm going to make changes I need to figure out what that will be and a timeline for it working out. I am sure I could be accused of overplanning, but my childhood was a horrible, awful experience (my mother had no business having a child at 19 and treating me the way she did). I don't want to have kids when I'm 35 and timing is definitely a consideration when given my current financial picture (I don't know WHY we thought we could afford a kid last year, craziness!) and the fact that any change now would take several years and I'm 26 next month. I am far more concerned with what this job does to my mental health than I am about future children. But I don't want to screw it up and end up doing something else I will hate.

pisces2473

12-11-2006, 08:21 PM

I am!! I am less worried about that than I am about my current state of well-being. The kids thing is an issue because if I'm going to make changes I need to figure out what that will be and a timeline for it working out. I am sure I could be accused of overplanning, but my childhood was a horrible, awful experience (my mother had no business having a child at 19 and treating me the way she did). I don't want to have kids when I'm 35 and timing is definitely a consideration when given my current financial picture (I don't know WHY we thought we could afford a kid last year, craziness!) and the fact that any change now would take several years and I'm 26 next month. I am far more concerned with what this job does to my mental health than I am about future children. But I don't want to screw it up and end up doing something else I will hate.
Oh okay, I was just like, I hope she's not trying to make these crazy plans that might not work out and then she'll be super upset OR that you were trying to find a perfect balance btwn work/kids, cuz I don't think there is one.